Here's chapter 4!

This time, Minoth goes through a dream/flashback to when he broke off his own bond to Amalthus. We discover why Minoth has such an aversion to breaking another bond, why Malos was freaking out about it, and maybe something else too...

No Malos in this chapter, sorry! But we do have Addam.

Don't think this really fits in with canon, but eh. Whatever.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Looking for freedom

*Several years before the Aegis War*

Minoth is nervously pacing back and forth just inside the front gates of Auresco, where he's supposed to meet Addam in a few minutes. If the Prince isn't late again, that is. He's anxious. Nervous. Hence the pacing, as he tries to work off some of that energy. Addam should be here soon, he just needs to wait a little longer.

He's visited Addam in Auresco before, once or twice. Has spent enough time here for the residents and the guards to recognize him and know he's not someone they need to worry about. Otherwise, some random person pacing back and forth at the front gates might be just a tad suspicious.

This time, though, he's not here for a friendly visit. This time, he's here because he's asked Addam to do him a favour, to help him with something.

Minoth knows people don't help others, or do anything for others, without expecting something in return. If there's one thing he has learned the hard way in Indol, it's that.

Everything has a price, be it money, or a trade of some kind, or... other kinds of favours, so to speak. Some of them Minoth didn't really mind, and others he'd rather never go through again. Once he'd learned his lesson, he has always made sure to never be in debt to someone, if possible. To not ask for help for anything unless he absolutely has to.

He has kept up this habit, even after he's left Indol. Because people aren't much different in this aspect, and he has no intention of letting anyone hold anything over his head again. He's even held on to this habit with Addam, even though the Prince has never actually asked him for anything. But if Addam buys him dinner, Minoth makes sure to treat him next time, or if he gives Minoth some money, he makes sure to pay it back fully, and if Addam lets Minoth stay at his place for a night or two, he tries to pay it back by helping with the cooking or cleaning, or whatever else is needed to be done.

This time, the favour he's asked Addam to do for him is not something he'll be able to pay back so easily. It's the kind of favour he couldn't ask anyone else, and he doesn't think he can handle it on his own. Normally he would never get this deep into debt with someone, but this time, handling something alone is not a possibility. And Addam is the best, possibly only option he's got. He doesn't know what Addam is going to want from him as payment, but right now he's willing to pay any price.

If Addam wants Minoth to be his Blade, he can do that. The Prince might be a bit of a dork, but he's a good person. He can't be worse than Amalthus, at least. If he wants Minoth to stay and work for him for a while, he can do that. Or if he wants something else, Minoth can probably do that, too.

Doesn't matter what it is, at this point he's desperate enough to pay just about any price.

Speaking of Addam, there he is. Minoth stops his pacing and waits for Addam to reach him as he almost trips down the stairs from the Sachsum Gardens in his hurry to reach Minoth.

"Minoth!" the Prince calls out as he spots Minoth, waving his arms to get his attention, getting the attention of plenty of other people in the progress.

"Right here, Prince," Minoth replies, looking the Prince when he skids to a stop in front of him. He looks as good as usual, meaning things are going well in Torna. Addam takes a few moments to catch his breath, apparently having run all the way from the palace, before giving Minoth a welcoming smile.

"I got your letter," Addam uselessly informs him.

"I assumed so, considering you knew to come here to meet me," Minoth replies, but with a small, amused smile to let Addam know he's not completely serious.

"I got your letter," Addam repeats in a more serious tone. "I didn't quite understand all of it, but it seems quite serious." He looks over Minoth, as if expecting to see some physical change in him, all with a worried frown on his face. "It's not your usual style to ask for help like this."

"I know," Minoth replies. He's not surprised Addam didn't quite understand everything he wrote about, as much of it was things most humans don't know about. "It is pretty serious. But maybe we could talk somewhere we don't have half of Auresco eavesdropping in on us?" He lowers his voice on the last bit, hoping to convey to Addam that this is most definitely not something he's willing to discuss in public.

"Yes, of course," Addam agrees, looking around for a moment, as if only now realizing there are other people here as well. "Come on." Having said this, he grabs Minoth's hand and guides him through the crowds, towards the palace, away from any and all prying eyes and ears.

Addam guides Minoth into the palace, through several corridors, past many doors and passing by some servants with a simple smile and a nod. He takes Minoth to a more distanced part of the palace, where there are barely any people around and just a few rooms. He opens one of them and pulls Minoth inside, closing and locking the door behind them.

The room is pretty small, considering it's in a place. It has some basic but sturdy furniture, a bed, a small table, a couple of chairs and some drawers. On top of the table are some books, papers, quills, and ink. There's another door leading to what might be a bathroom. He thinks this might actually be Addam's room, for when he stays here.

Addam plops down on the bed and looks at Minoth, while Minoth remains standing, looking around the room with some curiosity.

"It's soundproofed, so you don't need to worry about anyone overhearing anything," Addam informs him. "Now, you were going to explain that letter to me?"

"Yes," Minoth agrees, before hesitating. He swallows nervously, even though his mouth suddenly feels completely dry, and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. He realizes he doesn't really know how to explain the situation, what to say, where to start. This is not a topic he ever thought he'd be talking to a human about. Even just amongst Blades, it's not really something that's talked about much at all.

Even though he normally prides himself at being good with words, this time his vocabulary feels strangely empty of the best ones to describe the situation.

"I'm sorry," he tells Addam, "I'm not sure where to start," he adds with an apologetic look.

"Don't worry about it," Addam tells him, patting the empty space on the bed right next to him. Inviting Minoth to sit there. "Why don't you start by explaining these "bonds" you mentioned, then the part about breaking off yours to Amalthus, and then what you need me to do to help you?"

Right, Minoth thinks, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, taking the offered seat next to Addam. Start at the basics, then work your way to your personal issues, plans, and what you need Addam for. If Addam is going to help Minoth through this, he at least deserves to know what exactly he's getting involved in, and what it means for Minoth.

So, Minoth talks. After making Addam promise to not talk to people about all of this, of course. He talks about the resonance-bonds between Blades and Drivers, something all Blades are aware of, but Drivers are not. Many humans don't even know they exist, much less what they're actually about.

He talks about what the bond actually means to Blades, how it's what lets some of the Drover's personality and views seep over to their Blades, thus making the Blade more attuned to them. How it's what keeps them tied to their Drivers, how it allows the Blade to always recognize them, and how it lets them find them, anywhere, no matter how far apart they are.

Then, the basics out if the way, he explains his own situation. How he, as a flesh-eater, doesn't need a Driver to function. But how he can still feel Amalthus there, at the back of his head, because of the bond. How he can't stand it being there and how he simply has to get rid of it, or he can't cope with himself.

It's something that's difficult to explain to a human, because no matter how well he describes it, there really isn't any way for Addam to really understand how it's like, how it makes him feel. But Addam is listening, looking at Minoth with a thoughtful expression, trying to understand why this is so important to him.

He explains how it's kind of an unspoken, unwritten rule for Blades. That you never break the bond to your driver. Even if they're awful and you hate them, you don't do that. You leave them, or kill them, but breaking the bond is a big no-no. It's simply not done. Ever.

He talks about the effect it could have. The risks he's about to take.

The bond simply is not something that's meant to be broken on purpose, even a little. It's meant to naturally dissolve when the Driver dies, which returns the Blade to their Core Crystal. Forcefully breaking it could cause irreparable damage to the Blade's mind, or outright break down their core crystal, killing them and making them unable to ever be awakened again.

But, Minoth explains, he has decided he doesn't care about any of this. He already can't return to his core, to be reawakened, so that part doesn't matter. As a flesh-eater, he doesn't need a Driver to survive and therefore, not a bond either. As far as he's concerned, it's a win-win scenario. Either he manages to break the bond and lives the rest of his life as a free Blade, away from Amalthus, or he dies, in which case he'll also be free from Amalthus.

Worst case scenario, his mind takes the damage, in which case he doesn't know what will happen. It's one of the reasons he's not willing to do it alone, why he wants Addam there.

He doesn't even notice how long he's been talking until Addam presses a glass of water into his hands and asks him to take a break from talking. When he takes a sip of the water, he realizes how thirsty he actually is and gulps down the entire glass, while Addam finds the right words to what he's just been told.

"So," Addam starts. "You want to break off this bond to Amalthus, something that could have a great risk of damaging or even killing you, because either of those is preferable to being stuck with him?" He pauses enough for Minoth to nod in agreement. "Alright..." Addam nods slowly, looking uncertain and concerned. "So, what can I do to help?" He asks, sounding like he genuinely wants to know if there's anything he can do to make the whole thing easier for Minoth.

Even though he was the one to seek out Addam for this, the sincerity in his tone still manages to surprise Minoth. He was half-expecting the Prince to try talking him out of it, try to convince him to not take the risk, that it wouldn't be worth it. But, despite clearly thinking this might not be the smartest thing to do, he's still willing to support Minoth, and let him make the decision himself.

"Moral support?" Minoth suggests. Thinking about it now, there really isn't too much Addam can do for him regarding the situation. It had just felt important to have Addam there when he decided to go through with this.

"And if you actually end up dead?" Addam demands to know, now completely tense, staring down at his clenched hands. His eyes look a bit watery, and Minoth can tell it's taking quite a bit of willpower to not let the tears fall.

"Make sure I get buried somewhere nice, and not eaten by monsters," Minoth offers meekly, not knowing what else to say, really. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think I'm going to die?" he carefully offers, even though he can't really promise anything. He's pretty sure he's not going to die, but the only thing he's certain about is that it's going to be painful, and it's probably going to take a long time to recover from it.

"Please don't joke about it," Addam almost pleads with him. "I don't want you to die." He's looking at Minoth with those golden puppy-dog eyes, almost making him feel bad for saying it.

"Well, I don't exactly plan on dying," Minoth eventually says, trying to make Addam tone it down a bit with the eyes. "So let's make sure it doesn't happen."

"All right," Addam agrees eventually, marginally relaxing again, looking up at Minoth. "Let's get this done, then." He sounds like he's trying to keep it together, stay his usual cheery self, and not really succeeding too well, with the wobbly tone and the nervous way he's wringing his hands together.

"Yes, that's the plan," Minoth agrees. "Just give me a moment to get ready." To make himself just a bit more comfortable, Minoth gets up and starts taking off the bulkier metal parts of his armour, as well as boots and gloves.

He also hopes Addam will take the moment to calm down a bit. It won't do any good if he starts freaking out before Minoth's even done anything.

He also notices he's not exactly as composed as he'd like to think, either. As he's putting the gloves down on the desk, he notices his hands shaking ever-so slightly. He clasps his hands together, hoping to hide it.

"I'm ready," he announces once he's done, causing Addam to look up at him, eyes wide with surprise as he takes in Minoth without his armour for the first time. Takes his time to look as Minoth moves back to the bed and sits down next to him, only scooting aside a bit to give him more room. Then nods quietly; nothing more to be said, after all.

With no further words said, Minoth dives into his own mind, reaching for the bond, the link to Amalthus, sitting in the back of his mind, where it was first formed and has remained for many, many years. And now's the time to get rid of it. Take out the trash, so to speak.

He has poked around and at it before, when he first started contemplating breaking it. Now, he grasps it firmly, without hesitation, and starts the process of taking it apart.

The pain hits him instantly, like nothing he's ever experienced before. He thought the flesh-eater experiments were painful, but even they pale in comparison to this. His head explodes with white-hot pain, and the dizziness makes him collapse into a boneless heap of pain and suffering, as even his vision whites out, like he's literary going blind with the pain.

The suffering doesn't just start and end with his head, either. It shoots across his entire body, obliterating everything and leaving nothing but a sharp, searing pain in its wake.

It's like he's tearing and ripping his own insides apart. He tries to take a deep breath, then another, and another, as he keeps pressing forward, despite his body's protests. There's no end in sight, no relief, no comfort – just an endless ocean of pain, wave after wave. He tries to shake of the thought. There will be an end to this, he tells himself. It will be over, one way or another.

Throughout it all, he makes sure to keep a firm grasp on the bond. Not letting go. He has to keep a hold of it, to keep taking it apart, piece by piece.

He underestimated the bond. He thought it would be easier to break due to how weak and brittle it already was. It doesn't. It's more stubborn than that. It refuses. So Minoth has no choice but to use even more force, focusing all his strength on the weakest point he can find.

The pain multiplies. He's not sure how he's even conscious anymore. Or is he? Maybe he's actually passed out, but doesn't notice, being locked in battle in his own mind? Who knows? He certainly doesn't.

It would be so easy to make it stop. All he has to do is let go of the bond.

He keeps going, trying his best to ignore the pain, to push it aside and focus on what's important, focus on the objective, and the results he wants to see. A life without Amalthus, a life where he can be free, away from any influences and well out of reach of that man.

There are also... other things he manages to snap up beyond the pain, and he tries to distract himself by focusing on any of those instead, escaping the pain, even a little... There's a loud, ear-splitting screeching sound he wishes would stop. There is someone touching his hair, but he can't tell if the feeling is bringing pain or not. He does absently note his ponytail must have come down at some point. There's a voice coming from somewhere, too quiet for him to make out what it's saying, but the tone is rather soothing, if a bit fearful sounding.

Throughout it all, the bond strains and stretches, but won't break. It holds tightly, refusing to give in, making Minoth have to pour even more, and more, and more strength into it. He's pulling at it, twisting it, hacking away at it until it slowly, eventually starts giving away. And then...

There's almost an audible snap as the bond finally breaks and Minoth finds himself staring into Addam's golden eyes that stare at him with a mixture of worry and fear, as well as a hint of relief when he notices Minoth staring back at him. Minoth's eyes go down from Addam's face to his arm, which is reaching out to Minoth, which is when he feels the hand on his head, softly petting his hair in an almost subconscious, soothing gesture.

That's when the pain sets in, in every bit of his body. There isn't a bit of him that doesn't hurt in some way. His body feels like it's been put through a meat-grinder, his throat is dry and sore, and he realizes he must have been screaming at some point. He's covered in cold sweat, and shivering, even with the blanket Addam has apparently pulled around him at some point.

His head is the worst, filled with pain like he's never felt before. It kind of feels like if someone took a blunt axe to his skull and chopped off a bit of it.

Minoth's vision goes blurry as he turns his gaze back to Addam's face. Whatever relief he'd seen there disappears quickly, replaced with concern again.

"I... did it," he wheezes, barely getting the words out through his painfully dry throat. He feels like he's swallowed a shovelful of burning coal. It seems just saying that took all the energy he has, as black spots fill his vision, and his head clouds over.

"Minoth!" The last thing he remembers before falling into unconsciousness, is Addam calling his name in panic.

...

...

He doesn't really remember much of what happened after. He remembers waking delirious at one point, in pain, sweating and shivering, reaching out, blindly, into the darkness with a series of pathetic-sounding whimpers. He remembers Addam being there, crawling underneath the covers with him and pulling Minoth against his chest, soothingly running his fingers through his hair until he falls back into blissful unconsciousness.

...

...

He remembers at one point becoming aware of some voices around him. They sound muted and distant, as if somewhere deep underwater, and he can only make out a few words here and there. He wants to move, to open his eyes, to do anything, give some indication that he's awake, but his body feels completely paralyzed, unresponsive, and he's unable to do anything but lay there and listen.

"... been... days... not waking..."

"... take... let... take time..."

One of the voices is Addam, but he doesn't recognize the other one. He's pretty sure they're talking about him, but after a while the conversation seems to switch to some more official and boring-sounding things. Something something, taxes, something something, refuges, something something, statements, things like that. Eventually, after tiring of half-listening to the conversation, he slips back into unconsciousness.

...

...

When Minoth wakes up next time, he immediately knows that he's been out for a while. There's no clock or calendar to tell him that, but it's something of an instinctive feeling. There are three blankets piled on top of him, and a wet towel on his forehead.

While he's not feeling alright, or even remotely good, he's considerably less in pain than he was before, and even the pain in his head has been reduced to a much more manageable level, though it still feels like someone's stuck and icicle into his brain. He also still feels weak, and far too powerless to do more than move his head slightly to the side. The movement causes the towel on his head to fall down on the pillow in front of him, leaving a wet spot where it lands. He blinks blearily a few times before his eyes decide to co-operate with his again. Which is when he notices Addam.

The Prince is sitting in a chair next to him, reading what seems to be some kind of report. Even Minoth can see he hasn't slept in a long time, with dark circles under his eyes, hair even messier than usual, and his normally neat braid nowhere to be seen. Just a few moments later, he turns his head slightly to look at Minoth, and freezes in place.

"Minoth!" he exclaims, as soon as he notices Minoth's eyes open, with the most relieved look Minoth has ever seen on him. "You're awake!" Causing Minoth to flinch from the loud voice that makes his head throb even worse.

"Apparently," he croaks quietly, barely getting the words out of his still-too dry throat. The single word is followed by a dry coughing fit, which in turn spreads a sharp pain from his chest to the rest of his body, and leaves him gasping for breath. Each breath stings his lungs like a series of needles.

"Oh, sorry," Addam apologizes, before reaching to help Minoth sit up against the headboard and provides him with a glass of water. "Here, take a few sips."

With some help from Addam, Minoth just manages a few small sips. The water is cool and clean, and helps remove the dryness and blood (wait, blood?) from his mouth, as well as slightly soothe his aching throat. While Minoth drinks, Addam takes a few moments to toss aside the wet towel, and moving the reports on the table from where he unceremoniously tossed them on the floor.

"How long wa-" Minoth starts asking, but interrupts himself when he sees the look on Addam's face. The worry and fear. The relief. The tears in his eyes, as if he's about to start crying.

"It took nearly half an hour for you to break that bond," Addam informs him, clutching the edge of a blanket with white hands. "You were in so much pain, I thought you were dying, and I couldn't do anything about it." As he talks, a single tear rolls down his cheek, landing on his hand.

"You were unconscious for nine days, Minoth," Addam finally answers the question he was asking in the first place. Minoth blinks in surprise at the information. He knew he was out for more than a few hours, but he was expecting a day or two, maybe three. But nine?

"You wouldn't wake up," Addam continues talking, voice shaky and wavering with emotion. "Then you got a horrible fever, like an infection or something, and started thrashing about and shaking and so clearly still in pain," he continues, tears now flowing freely as he grasps Minoth's hand in both his own under the covers. "I thought you were going to die," he finally chokes out.

"Sorry I worried you," Minoth says, looking up at the Prince. "I didn't think it would be quite that bad," he adds. He sinks back down into the bed in exhaustion with a yawn. Despite just having woken up after what turned out to be a nine-day long nap, he feels he's going to fall back asleep at any moment.

"Darn, I'm sorry," Addam apologizes, wiping his eyes and face on a nearby tissue. "You're the one who's hurt and I'm just being busy feeling sorry for myself." Tossing away the tissue, he starts reaching towards Minoth, as if to touch him again, only to stop at the last moment. "I was just so worried about you," he admits.

"Well, if you're so worried about me, then you'd better stay to make sure I don't hurt myself in my sleep," Minoth says in an attempted casual tone, as he flips up the edge of one of the blankets just a little. Just the simple movement sends spikes of pain through his entire arm. Yeah, he doesn't need to be a fortune-teller to know he won't be moving properly for quite a while after this.

After getting the obvious invite, Addam wastes no time climbing into the bed, under the blankets, getting all over Minoth's personal space, pulling him to his chest and wrapping all the blankets around both of them.

"Do you have to cling?" Minoth asks as he tries to wiggle a little to get some breathing room. This was not quite what he'd had in mind.

"You just almost died, Minoth," Addam mumbles against the back of his neck, breath hitching at the word died, like he might start crying again. "I just spent almost ten days wondering if I was going to end up with your corpse on my hands. So let me cling." But he does slightly loosen his grip, just enough for Minoth to at least be able to breath comfortably.

Minoth lets out a tired chuckle, before relaxing against Addam. He's made a fair point, and Minoth is pretty comfortable anyway. Having someone there is actually quite comforting. He could almost get used to this.

"Whatever you say, Prince," he says, grasping Addam's hand in his own, before allowing himself to drift off to sleep.

Fun fact #1! I was originally planning on adding a scene where the Tornan King wants to meet Minoth, because he's curious why Addam got so attached to him despite not wanting to awaken any Blades of his own. I decided it didn't really fit in, and wasn't really relevant, and decided to leave it out.

Fun fact #2! This may or may not originally have been a part of a Minoth/Addam fic that never came to be (might be pretty noticeable at certain parts). I saved it in case I wanted to use it for something else, and here it is now!