Chapter Three
'The Perfect Goodbye'
Ross Geller was so happy; he was pretty sure that his face's muscle was going to be sore from smiling too much. He couldn't help it though. He had just come back home from Paris yesterday and now his heart was soaring with the anticipation of knowing that he was going to take a sabbatical from work and moved to Paris with Rachel and their daughter.
Their flight back home had been (fortunately) uneventful, they even got to catch a few hours of sleep during the flight. As soon as their plane landed, they headed straight toward Sandra Green's condo in the Upper East Side to pick Emma up. The little girl was so happy to see her parents back and immediately took both her parents' hands and dragged her toward the playroom, demanding some quality time. Ross and Rachel were more than happy to fulfill their daughter's wish. After all, they had been missing their little girl too much, a little play time wasn't a big deal - no matter how tired they were.
They stayed at Sandra's place until dinner and then took a taxi back to their apartment. Emma fell asleep on their way back home and Ross carried her into Rachel's room, tucking their daughter in together before he said goodbye to Rachel with a hug and lingering kiss on her cheeks.
He had come back to his apartment that night, a huge grin on his face that he couldn't seem to wipe off anytime soon.
Like he said before, he couldn't help it.
When Rachel first told him that she was thinking about taking a job across the globe, he honestly thought that this was it for them, he was going to lose her forever. With Rachel in New York - living across the street from him, the possibility of getting back together with her was there and it was never really off the table. But Paris was a seven-hour flight from New York, it'd be lucky enough for them if they got to see each other once a month. They'd surely talk and exchange emails on a daily basis, but he knew it wouldn't be the same. Their time would be very limited and he was pretty sure they'd ended up talking about their daughter most of the time. Well, it wasn't like he hated talking about Emma - he adored his daughter so much after all, but he still wanted to be able to talk to Rachel too, his best friend. And if they barely had time to talk, Ross didn't have the confidence that the chance of them getting back together was still on the table.
But luckily, it seemed like he didn't need to worry about that anymore because this morning he was going to meet the dean to discuss his leave and as soon as that was taken care of, they could officially start celebrating.
Ross couldn't believe it.
He's moving to Paris.
"Hey!" Ross greeted his friends as he entered Monica and Chandler's apartment.
"Hey, welcome back!" Joey replied with a grin.
"So… How was Paris?" Phoebe asked, a knowing smile on her lips.
Phoebe might have not talked to Rachel yet, but she did see the smile on Rachel's lips earlier today when she left for work. And now, that same giddy grin was all over Ross' face. It didn't take a genius to put two-and-two together. Something must've happened in Paris; Phoebe was really sure of that.
"Terrific. Really great," Ross smiled from ear-to-ear. "-and guess what? I'm moving to Paris!"
Looking hurt, Joey narrowed his eyes as he glared at Ross and then walked out the door without saying a single word.
"He seems happy for us," Ross sighed, making a mental note to talk to Joey alone later.
"You're really moving to Paris too?" Phoebe asked.
This was not what Phoebe had in mind. She was almost positive that these two lobsters were hooking up in Paris. After all, from what she heard, they shared the same room. But then again, her radar had been off these days, so maybe she was wrong about it. They probably didn't sleep together.
And boy, did she admire their self-controls.
Let's face it, she didn't have that much self-control.
"Yup."
"Is New York suddenly uncool and nobody told me?"
"I've just always wanted to live in Europe," Ross explained. "-and now that I have tenure, I can do whatever I want."
Phoebe might not be quite sure any more about the hooking up part, but there was something he didn't tell her and she was very determined to find out more.
Phoebe nodded and then raised her eyebrow teasingly, "So… you and Rachel must have really had fun."
"Oh yeah. It was the best," Ross smiled, still oblivious to Phoebe's true intention.
"I'm sorry. I should've been more specific. Did you sleep together?"
Ross furrowed his brow, "No."
"Oh," Phoebe's smile dropped.
"Although…." Ross suddenly smiled as the memories of their last night in Paris came back into his mind.
They went home shortly after they hugged and when they got back in the hotel room, he ordered some snacks while she put on a movie. Squeezed together in one small bed, under the duvet, they watched the movie until late at night. When Ross woke up the next morning, he was surprised to find her curled up to his side. Her head was resting in his chest while her arms draped across his body. His own hand placed protectively around her shoulder and for a moment he thought he was traveling back through time, back in 1996.
At that, Phoebe perked up and her smile came back almost immediately, "Yes?"
"Never mind," he pursed his lips into a tight line.
"Seriously, twelve years of dinosaur stories and this you're going to 'never mind'?"
"It's like…we were different over there. I don't know why," Ross sighed contentedly,
Phoebe grew quiet for a while before she spoke again, "'Cause the rest of us weren't there?"
Ross shrugged, "Maybe."
They both smiled.
"So, do you think, like, something, could happen?"
"I don't know. Maybe," Ross answered truthfully. "I mean, the two of us in Paris? Who knows?"
"Oh my god!" Phoebe exclaimed gleefully. "This is so great!"
As the captain of the Ross and Rachel ship, she was really happy to know that the possibility of Ross and Rachel getting back together was there. To fall in love again in the city of Paris? Wow. This certainly sounded like the best-selling romance novel she found in Rachel's room a while ago.
Ross couldn't help but smile as he watched the excitement in Phoebe's eyes. His stomach fluttered with these tingling feelings he hadn't felt in a while now when he thought about getting back together with Rachel.
"Easy. Let's see what happens once we're there."
"All right, but if you want, I can talk to Rachel, get a read on her, have the other guys drop some hints about how you feel, then we'll all report back to you-," she stopped talking and her eyes were wide when she realized what she had just said. "Wow, maybe we really are the problem."
Ross climbed up the stairs toward Rachel's apartment dejectedly.
He couldn't believe it.
The dean wouldn't let him take a year off.
He had begged and begged. He even told him that he was doing this for the woman he had been in love with since he was fifteen, but still he won't let him take the leave. He admitted it out loud for the first time in years that he was still in love with Rachel. It was a big deal for Ross, but sadly the dean didn't think the same.
So, after the big rejection, Ross wandered around the city for a while.
He needed time to think.
It was hard enough to process the fact he had just admitted it to someone else that he was still in love with Rachel, but knowing the fact that she was leaving for Paris and he couldn't join her?
That was… devastating.
How could he live without seeing her every day?
How could he be away from her that long?
Ross sighed loudly as he stood in front of the door of apartment 19. This was it. He had to come in and break the news to Rachel that he couldn't go with her after all. He knew how excited she was about this and he just didn't want to let her down.
"Hey," Ross finally came in and just like he had expected, she was still smiling from ear-to-ear.
Ross swallowed hard. He knew it was only a matter of time before her smile completely disappeared.
"Bonjour!" She greeted him excitedly in French. "Well, I did it! I officially took the job today. I am so excited! And knowing you're going to be there makes it perfect."
Still feeling the buzz from taking this new fancy job in Paris, she crossed the room and then hugged him tightly.
"Ugh! This is so great, I'm really glad you're coming with us," she let out a happy sigh.
Ross cleared his throat, "Yeah, uhm… about that-"
"Oh!" Rachel clasped her hands together as they broke apart, effectively cutting him off. "They sent me some stuff and documents we're going to need to officially sign the lease, and a map that I do not understand. Of course, you are going to be in charge of that," she gave him a handful of documents before making her way toward a paper bag set on the kitchen counter.
Ross just stood there, completely stunned.
"Okay, uh," he tried to stop her and barely had time to open his mouth before she started to ramble again.
"Wait. Look what I got us to celebrate. A baguette with pate and cherries. Actually, I couldn't find pate, so it's chopped liver. And cherry pie filling," she then made a face when she realized what she was trying to make. "It's disgusting. I'll throw it out."
When she started to throw out the food, Ross finally grabbed her hands and he stopped her.
"Rach, listen. I've got some bad –"
He didn't even need to complete his sentences. The look in his face gave away everything.
Rachel's shoulder dropped and her smile fell when she finally got it, "Oh, no. Nooo. Why?"
"I've tried, but the university won't let me go."
"I thought you could do anything you wanted."
"They gave me tenure; they didn't make me a king. At least, that's what the Dean of Faculty yelled down the hall after me," Ross sighed. "I'm so, so sorry."
"It's not your fault," Rachel let out a small smile knowing he had done his best.
Was she disappointed? A hundred percent yes. But she couldn't make him feel bad about it because she knew he was truly excited about this as much as she did.
"I know how much you want to go," she said softly.
Their gazes matched with the similar level of disappointment and then she took a few steps forward to hug him. Ross closed her eyes as he relished the feeling of holding her in his arms.
How the hell was he going to do this?
How the hell was he going to let her go?
Subconsciously, he tightened his grip around her waist while placing a soft kiss down to the side of her hair.
They stayed in each other's embrace for a while until he finally heard her whisper, "Maybe I won't go either."
Ross released his grip around her to take a better look on her face, "What?"
"Now I can't imagine doing this without you," she said, her voice slightly cracked. "I know you believe in me, but I don't want to do this without you."
Ross stared at her for the longest time.
He had two choices here. He could either beg her to stay or he could let her go and let her do the thing she always dreamed of.
"You have to go," he finally went with the second choice, he just couldn't bear the thought of being that someone who held her back. He grabbed both of her hands and smiled, "Listen, this is such an amazing opportunity. You're strong enough to do it on your own. You can't not go because of me."
Rachel frowned, "But-"
"Rach, you're going."
In the end of the day, what torture him even more than not having her around was the fact that he was the one who hold her back from her dream. He knew he couldn't live with that.
She searched his face for any hints of insincerity, but she found none.
He really meant it.
So, with a heavy heart, she made up her mind, "I guess I'm going then."
"Come here," he beckoned her to come closer so that he could hug her.
"You really think I can do this?" she murmured against his chest.
"Look at me," Ross pulled her away slightly and then he placed his palm across her cheeks as he smiled at her softly. "You're going to do great, Rach. I believe in you. And even though I'm not coming with you to Paris, please don't ever forget that I'm only one phone call away. Anytime you need me, day or night. Whenever you need someone to talk to or to freak out about, I'm always going to be there for you, alright?"
She sniffled and nodded before enveloping him into another hug, "Thank you."
Ross closed his eyes as he held her closer, "Anytime."
It was the night of her farewell party.
Ross stood quietly in the corner of the room while Rachel went to say one-on-one goodbye to each of the friends. His shoulder slumped and his heart felt heavy as he watched the emotional goodbye take place right in front of his eyes, finally feeling the magnitude of her departure.
The last few days went by in a flash.
As soon as Rachel accepted the job, they went into a packing marathon – packing everything she wanted to take to Paris into a pile of boxes, donated the stuff she no longer needed, and left some of Emma's stuff at Ross' for her to use when she came to visit. It was an exhausting few days to say the least and since then, his brain had been going on overdrive. He didn't have the time to sit and think about what it means for them.
But now that everything finally started to slow down, his brain finally managed to process the fact that she really was leaving. Tomorrow. Precisely this time tomorrow, he'd be in his apartment alone and she'd be on her flight half way across the world. And more importantly, it finally dawned upon him that he was still in love with her - he always would be, and that he might've just lost whatever chances he had to get back together with her now.
He loved her, but he felt like he couldn't tell her that.
He was the one to push her to go and what now? He's going to tell her that he was in love with her? What happened then? What did it mean for them? What if she's still leaving? Would he beg her to stay? For them?
As much as he wanted to, he couldn't.
He couldn't ask her to sacrifice her dream for him, that wouldn't be fair, right?
But what if this was what she wanted? What if it was her dream, to get back together with him and become a family?
Ross felt his chest start to tighten and that was the exact moment she emerged from the guest room, tears in her eyes as she locked gaze with him. Slowly, she approached him and then his heart started to race faster.
What was he going to do now?
Should he tell her that he was still in love with her?
"Hey," she murmured, her voice thick with emotions. "I want to talk to you, but not here," she looked around the room and just like she had expected, all four pairs of eyes were fixated on them. "I want to talk to you in private, without any audience."
Rachel did this on purpose. She purposely saved Ross for the last, not wanting their goodbye to be witnessed by any of their friends.
After their trip to Paris, it felt like something she needed to do.
She owed him that much.
She wanted to be able to talk to him openly and comfortably, one last time before she left for Paris. She already knew that this wasn't some ordinary talk. It wasn't going to be the same kind of goodbye like she did earlier with their friends. This was going to be so much harder and she was damn sure she didn't need anybody to be around for it.
"Sure," Ross swallowed a lump in his throat, trying his best to keep his emotions in check knowing that it was finally his turn to say goodbye to her and how painful that's going to be. "Come to my place, we'll have plenty of space to talk in private."
"Okay," she smiled, squeezing his hand. "I'll check on Emma and ask Phoebe and Joey to watch her for a while. You go ahead, I'll be right behind you."
With that, Ross kissed her cheeks, said goodbye to all of their friends, grabbed his coat, and then went home. Meanwhile, Rachel went to check on Emma before asking her friends to watch for her baby while she talked to Ross. Thankfully, Emma was still asleep when she checked on her and after making sure Emma was taken care of, Rachel crossed the street to his apartment.
Across the street, Ross was pacing across the length of the living room, waiting for her to show up. And when she finally did, they exchanged small smiles before he decided to open a bottle of wine and hopefully make this talk less awkward.
She accepted the glass of wine and after thanking him, she sat on the brown leather couch. Ross pondered for a while whether or not he should keep his distance while they're having this talk, but there was this strong urge within him to be as close as possible to her. So, he sat next to her - so closely, their arms brushed against each other. She welcomed him with a smile before leaning her head into his shoulder and intertwined her free hand with his.
Together, they sat in silence as they sipped their wine.
Clocks continued to tick by and before they realized it, they had been staying in the same position for a while now, neither having the urge to even move a finger or to say a single word.
"Do you really think I should go?" Rachel was the one who finally broke the silence first.
Ross looked down at their intertwined hands, giving it a slight squeeze before he pried the glass of wine away from her hand and set it aside the apothecary table together with his. He then averted his gaze back to hers, giving her all of his full attention.
"Yes," his voice unwavered. "But I'm not gonna lie, I'm going to miss you so much."
"I can't even begin to explain to you how much I'm gonna miss you," her lips quivered and tears started to stream down her eyes as she spoke softly. "When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go."
"Rach…" his voice choked up hearing these words coming out of her mouth.
He knew it wasn't going to be an easy goodbye, but he didn't expect it to be this painful.
"It pains me to realize that you are not going to be there across the street from me, or that I can't see the spark in your eyes every time you see Emma in the morning. You mean so much more to me than anyone else and I…"
"What?" Ross asked rather impatiently, hoping that what she was going to say next was something he desperately needed to hear right now.
Was she in love with him too?
"I uh…" her eyes wavered as their gazes met in such an intensity.
Her heart started to beat uncontrollably, her mind went blank as she looked deep into his hazel eyes, and just like someone sucked the air inside of her lungs, suddenly she found it hard to breathe.
"What?" Ross asked again, this time he brought his face closer to her. So close that she could feel his warm breath against her skin.
"I…"
Her gaze drifted away from his eyes down to his lips and then without a warning, suddenly, she felt both his hands spread across her cheeks as he kissed her deeply and passionately. It took her a few split seconds to recover and when she did, she kissed him back with the same amount of intensity.
Their kiss became more and more intense, but neither of them stopped it.
If this was their goodbye, they'd be sure to make it as memorable as possible.
The perfect goodbye.
Rachel could hardly believe her own eyes the next time she was awake. Ross was sprawled on the bed right beside her, butt naked, a small smile tugging at his lips, and he looked so peaceful just like he just had the most comfortable sleep in a long time. She sighed, smiling as she carefully reached out to stroke his cheeks.
God, this man. She's going to miss him so much.
What they had tonight, she couldn't put the word for it.
It was everything she ever dreamed of and more.
The way he held her so gently, the way he was looking at her the whole time, his tender kisses, his gentle touches. She would never forget it, ever.
Suddenly feeling a little bit too emotional, she took a deep breath and swallowed all these overwhelming emotions inside. After calming down a bit, she glanced at the clock on the wall. It was well past midnight now and she knew she had to go home soon and be there for her daughter. Carefully, she untangled her body from his grip before proceeding to gather her clothes that were scattered all over the room.
She was tying her shoes at the edge of Ross' bed when suddenly she felt movement from her back. Noticing that he was awake, she turned around and greeted him with a smile.
"Hey…" Ross emerged from underneath the cover, half-asleep and his hair messy.
She got off the bed, turned around, and laughed when she finally noticed the goofy smile on his face.
"Shhh..," she placed both her hands on his cheeks as she crouched in front of him. "Go back to sleep, I have to go home."
"Oh," he smiled dreamily, taking her hands and kissing them.
He couldn't believe what just happened.
Things escalated quickly after that heated kiss and the next thing he knew, they were laying in bed, naked as they made love for the first time in almost two years. Everything felt right as he held her in his arms, he couldn't even find the right words to describe these overwhelming emotions he currently felt.
"This was amazing," he finally said.
"It really was," she sighed, a soft smile playing on her lips as her eyes stared straight into his hazel one. "-and you've learned some new moves!"
"Yeah," he grinned proudly. "Well, this guy at work gave me 'Sex for Dummies' as a joke."
"Ah."
"Who's laughing now?" he smirked.
"I know!" She laughed and then leaned in to kiss him.
After Rachel had left, Ross spent the entire night wide awake, replaying in his head the intimate moment he just had with her. Holding her in his arms, after all these times, just felt so… right… like she belonged there in his arms and every second, he found it harder to let her go.
He was madly in love with her, more in love than he had ever been before.
And as he laid here in the darkness of his bedroom, he finally realized…
He didn't want to let her go.
He wanted to be with her.
And he had to let her know, he couldn't keep this inside anymore.
He had to tell her.
A/N
Just another chapter to go! As usual, let me know what you think about this chapter!