Azure Moon: Cerulean Tears

by skywolf666

Ancient conspiraces and enemies, clashing ideology and allegiances, and the burning embers of a war long stoked by shadows was not the world they knew, but it was the world they had been drawn into, and forced to live in against their will. They stood shoulder to shoulder with the future king of Faerghus now, and would see it through to the end... The total end. (AM, B!Sibling AU)

2. Lost Time

Genres/Rating: Family, Hurt/Comfort, Angst. (T)

Characters: Raine, Warin.

Summary: She had lost five years entirely, and he had spent his on the run, suffering from violence, and regret and guilt... Much had changed since they had last seen one another, and much would continue to change from here on out. But one fact would always remain the same; they were family. And neither would ever turn their back on the other, now that they were together again.

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Guardian Moon

Garreg Mach (Outer Halls)

Noontime

Five years.

The two words rang out constantly in her head as Raine forced herself to go through the motions of clearing out rubble, piling books and weapons into their appropriate places for transport later, and taking notes of damaged sections of the monastery that would need proper attention later by someone with the appropriate tools and skills. It felt good to put her body to use, but she was well aware that her spirit was not in it as she listlessly heard the words her students had all been saying repeating themselves over and over in her ears. Five whole years. She had simply been gone for five entire years. She didn't doubt it. Their growth, their changes, the monastery's state... Everything made sense when she took their words at face value, and yet... She didn't want to believe it was true.

What was she meant to do with such information? The world was falling down all about her ears, and what had she been doing the entire time while her students, her friends and family, had been suffering and fighting? Sleeping? It made her sick to her stomach to imagine. Her brother didn't look the same. He was rougher about the edges now, something she hadn't believed to even be possible, and the scars he was hiding under his cloak and gauntlets... He had seen more battle than he was admitting to. Far more... His eyes were cold and distant, like a predator in waiting, and his manner was clipped and efficient. It was if all warmth had been drained from him, and she ached with sympathy for what he had been through, and what he was not telling her in order to spare her from the details.

Then there was Dimitri. Her stomach twisted with such pain that she had to reach out for the nearest object, a broken chair, to steady herself. The man was practically unrecognizable. His hair long and unkempt, his armour dented and pierced, and that wild, brutal look in his one eye... It had made her blood run cold when he had spoke of hunting the thieves out of their den, comparing them to rats crawling about the walls of Garreg Mach, and the glee he had shown in cutting them down, one by one without an ounce of mercy... No, he was not at all the man she had once known, and the guilt that tore at her innards was too much for her to stomach. If she had just been there... If she hadn't been so foolish that day...

"So, you all agree that we must fight back. And you see how that woman... how the Empire cannot be forgiven. That we must wipe them all out until not a single one of them remains..."

'No... I was too late, even before this mess...' Raine squeezed down on the chair, closing her eyes as she fought a wave of nausea. Those words, those cruelly spoken words of setting flame to the Empire and leaving none to survive in his wake of war... It had made her blood run cold with dread. He had meant it. She knew he did, and that horrified her almost more than anything else. Even before she had been lost in the fighting, she had held onto a sliver of hope that somehow, some way, she could manage to help him from falling further into the cycle of revenge. That was far beyond her now. Whatever he had suffered these past five years, living as the dead, fleeing Imperial soldiers and staining his hands with blood each time he tried to survive... It had changed him, and she was deathly afraid of who he had become, and how far out of her reach he now was.

If there was any solace to be had, she supposed it was the fact that not everyone had changed so drastically, or so violently. Her students, for better or for worse, were all mostly the same. It was true that war had hardened them, that they had grown into better soldiers in the past five years, but almost all of them were as she remembered them being as students. That much had been proven by how she had been greeted, when the fighting had died down, and they all had been given a moment to catch their breath, and finally see one another without the fear of battle weighing them down.

Annette had nearly knocked her clean off her feet in her race to hug her, and only Mercedes' laughing aid had kept her from going down into the muck with the tangerine-haired mage on top of her. Then Mercedes had embraced her, too, her voice tight with tears as she expressed her relief and gratitude to be seeing her again after so long. Even Petra and Ingrid, usually polite and somewhat formal had given in to their baser desires once Mercedes and Annette had let her go, and Raine had been forced to stand awkwardly yet happily in their arms, wondering at their growth, and moreso at their obvious heartache for what they had seen as her loss.

Even Felix had looked at her warmly, or with what she knew to be his version of warmth, before he had made a snide remark of her coming back only when she must have assumed it was convenient. She had been greatly amused to see Mercedes pinch his arm reproachfully in response, and had been forced to bite the inside of her cheek when it had worked in subduing the normally so fiery swordsman. He had shrugged his shoulders and averted his eyes, taking one large step to the right and away from the blond healer before continuing on in a subdued voice that, regardless, he was glad to see her again. It meant the tides were turning, if she was there amongst them, and he took comfort in that much, at the very least.

Sylvain had followed the girls' example in sweeping her up in a hug, and she had barely a moment to breathe between his tight squeeze and his delighted exclamation on her appearance. In five years they had all grown and changed, embracing both their duties and their passions, but she was still the same as ever. His smile had been broad and honest, almost sweet, when he had noted that their professor was still as they remembered without a single hair out of place. It was good to see her that way, in the midst of all the chaos, and it made him remember better days when war had been a distant thought, and not a way of life.

Raphael on the other hand had taken her clear off her feet, earning laughter from most present when she had gasped in alarm, and when he had set her down she could only look up at him with a mixture of amazement and shock. How had he grown even larger since she had last seen him? It didn't seem like it should have been possible. He was now wearing much more comfortable-looking clothing, and his hair had grown into a wild mess, but his smile was still the same as ever; warm and earnest and gentle when he had told her how happy he was to see her again.

Ashe had been hesitant to embrace her, but after everyone else had done the same, Raine had chosen to follow their example and hadn't wasted a moment in pulling him close for a quick hug. Whatever reservations he had had melted away almost instantly when he answered, chuckling at his own embarrassment before he looked at her with such kind warmth in his eyes that it had made her ache. He had spoken for all of them, explaining how sorely they had missed her, and how glad they were that she was back, and that she was unhurt. That above all was their chief concern and source of joy, and it had both hurt and made her smile, knowing that their love for her ran as deep as hers did for them.

Warin had approached her last, looking as if he had see a ghost, and she had been all too eager to throw herself into her elder brother's arms for a fierce hug. He had only hesitated a moment before returning it, squeezing the breath from her lungs, and following it up with a nuzzle and a shaky, tired sigh that told her of too much grief, too much fighting, and a well-earned chance of hope and peace. He had been loathe to let her go, likely why he had been the last to come to her after her students had all finished with their greetings, but he had promised her they would talk, and talk at length, once they had the time to do so. Considering the state he looked to be in, battered, weathered and exhausted, Raine hoped that time would come quickly, if not for her own sake, than most certainly for his.

With the addition of the Knights of Seiros, who had seen the gathering and come to investigate, it truly looked as if the beginnings of a rebellion was forming. Seteth had been more than happy to give her command of the men he had been watching over in Rhea's absence, though she had initially balked when she realized he was expecting her to lead. It was true, that Rhea's last words had been a passing of the torch, but Raine still wasn't sure that such a thing was a duty she could carry. If anything, it should have fallen to Seteth himself to lead, or even Gilbert, as there was no question that Dimitri was unfit to have such a burden on his shoulders. It was true that they were obeying his wishes to march against the Empire, but his bloodlust had made everyone, not just her, uneasy to trust his judgement.

Which meant that the role of leadership was falling to her, and she hadn't known what to make of it when Seteth had said so. Even if Rhea had put her in charge at the last, she hadn't been there to do a thing before she, too, had gone missing in the chaos of the battle. She had been gone for five years, and much had changed in her absence. How could she be expected to lead, when she barely knew the most basic details of the war that was raging all about them? She felt like she had when she had been brought on a professor, far out of her depth and grasping at straws in a vain attempt to keep afloat, and those expecting looks she had received from both her students and colleagues alike... It was too much.

It made her grateful that Warin had spoken up then, turning everyone's attention to the state of their "home base" and its dire need of repair and reconstruction. It would be impossible of course for them as they were in their small numbers to really do much to restore Garreg Mach to its prime, but they could at least make it liveable again if they all turned their attention to cleaning and repairing what they could. Word would spread of the monastery being occupied again, and with it would bring allies and enemies alike to their doors, and in the precious time they had to prepare, it was best they spent it on fortifying what would be their home for the battle, and the living to come in the days ahead.

She was glad for the menial work, as it allowed her to evade the weight of responsibility for the time being, and gave her time alone with her thoughts. It had all happened in such a rush that she was still drinking all of it in, still aching with the thought of her five lost years, and now trying to balance out the new weights that were being tossed so carelessly on her unprepared shoulders. She was at a loss, scrambling for solid ground, but there was little doubt that she was needed. Her former students looked to her so hopefully, and even Seteth had chosen to hand over the reigns of leadership to her, and how could she toss any of it aside when she was there? Hadn't she, at the last, wished she could have done more? Was it not her chance now to undo all of her former mistakes?

The thoughts made her head spin, and she stopped her moving entirely as she forced in a long, shaky breath despite herself... She had wanted to work, to exercise her lethargic body and put her thoughts deep and away, but she was proving incapable of even such a minor task. She could make a laundry list of why she was so easily distracted and unable to keep her mind on task, but it didn't really matter. She had been given a chance to work, and it was work that needed doing. She couldn't simply put it aside, just because her mind wouldn't quiet for her to focus. That would be unfair to everyone else.

Gritting her teeth, Raine shook her head hard from side to side before squaring her shoulders again defiantly. She would box it all up and put on a mask, a familiar, cold mask if need be, so she could do the work she had been assigned. She wouldn't leave it all in others' hands, no matter how tired or frazzled she felt. She was needed. She was being called upon. It was only natural that she respond to that call, no matter how ill-prepared and equipped she felt for it. Had she not pulled through then, when she had been made a professor against her will? She had risen to the task then. She could do so now. It wasn't as if she had much of a choice in the matter anyway.

Raine turned back to the rubble, kneeling down to gather stone back into her arms to clear out the pathway, only to be stopped by the sound of approaching footfall. She stood at once, recognizing the sound of heavy boots, and she turned to see her brother appearing from around the corner with an overlarge armful of books being carefully cradled to his chest. She still paused at the sight of him despite his familiar face, as everything else about him had changed since she had last truly had a good look at him.

His clothes now mimicked what their father had worn, fur lined garments of dark grey and black, and sturdy, leather-bound armour for his shoulders, forearms, and legs. Chainmail peeked out underneath his tunic, a favourite of most mercenaries capable of bearing the weight, and Raine knew full well that Warin was more than capable of it. He had taken the chance of the returning merchants and blacksmiths to see to his gear, which had been in a horrid state when he had first arrived, and now his gauntlets and lance were in top shape, and still carried on his person even though there was absolutely no threat of battle breaking out inside of the monastery. Old habits seemed to die hard, but the weight of his weaponry and armour didn't seem to be a bother to him as he handled his overlarge load with ease, but Raine still couldn't help but notice the scars that were peeking above his collar, and sleeves.

His forearms were a mess of criss-crossing blade wounds that had made it through the metal of his gauntlets, and though he covered it well with his weapons, she had caught a glimpse of them all the same when he had been equipping himself earlier in the market. His hands were of the same shape, darkened with cuts and one or two magical burns, and she mused he was lucky that he had all of his fingers still, if he had taken so much damage over the past five years. She could imagine that his chest and legs were of the same sort, scarred deeply by his years of battle, but she hadn't had a chance to look, nor did she want to ask. That scar on his throat, a long, dark mark that slid just under his ear and down his neck and towards his collarbone had spoken of a near-fatal injury, and that was more than enough for her to see to know she wanted to know nothing else of his collection of wounds.

Still, if any of this was a concern to him, he didn't seem to notice, and that only drew her attention to a new addition to his scars. He was sporting a cut lip, as well as a rapidly forming bruise on his lower jaw, and her eyes narrowed as she stood and forgot her work to approach him without thinking. Such an injury was not new to her, she had been around mercenaries all of her life and she knew a face that had been punched when she saw one, and she looked at him with both concern and exasperation as she cut off his greeting with a tired, "Did you already get yourself into a fight with someone? You've been here two days, Warin. Two days! Who did you anger enough to have them throw a hand at you, and do I want to know what they look like if they managed to land it?"

"I'm fine, thank you for asking..." Warin couldn't help but chuckle at his sister's concern, and she shook her head as she fought valiantly to keep herself from rolling her eyes at him. He turned slightly to set his load of books down on a nearby table, and he rubbed absently at his still aching jaw as Raine looked at him expectantly for an answer. He was glad to see that despite the growing weight he had seen crippling her shoulders that she still seemed to have her old spirit, and it reminded him that if he was best to help her shoulder the weight that he should act as normal rather than anything else. Seeing her again had been a shock to his system, a douse of icy-cold water to bring what had been nearly dead roaring back to life, and she made it easy, too easy, perhaps, to fall into old patterns as he explained idly, "It wasn't a scuffle... and this one, I actually earned. So, don't go worrying about it."

Raine didn't answer for a moment as she took in his words and wondered at the mystery of them. Her brother was a scrapper. He always had been, ever since he had been a child. He had been forced to prove himself as a soldier early amongst their father's men, and he had earned their respect with his intuition and his skill on the battlefield. While he wasn't quick to fight unless someone brought up their mother, his attitude always did have a way of provoking others into wanting a piece of him if they could have it, but usually most learned that they were biting off far more than they could chew once the gauntlet was thrown and Warin was fighting in earnest. It was unusual though, for him to be sporting an injury and not explaining how it happened, and she looked at him closely as she mused, "Still... That looks like it hurts. Do you want me to fetch someone for you?"

"No, there's no need for that. It does hurt, but I expected it to happen, and I earned it. It's a good reminder of the fact that I'm an arse." Warin replied with an errant wave of his hand as he continued to rub his jaw with the other. It certainly did sting, and he imagined it would take a little while before it stopped, but he was well aware that leaving it to a healer would only make him seem weak, and unapologetic for the behaviour that had earned him the punch. And he was certainly apologetic, though he couldn't quite admit he regretted it. Still, he shrugged his shoulders a bit as he mused with a trace of a bitter chuckle, "Shamir has quite an arm. I shouldn't have been surprised she could put me on my back with a punch, considering what she can do with a bow."

"Shamir punched you in the face?"

The look of utter confusion and shock on his sister's face was enough to make him want to laugh when it was combined with such an outlandish-sounding statement. It did sound a bit outside of the realm of belief, especially when so many crucial details were lacking, but Warin wasn't ready to share such things with her just yet. She had more than enough on her plate without taking his personal life into account, and he still wasn't sure where it was going yet, either. It was better to keep the details to himself for the time being, if only to prevent her from worrying too much, and he shook his head as he reached out to absently ruffle her hair in a fond gesture, "Yeah. Long story."

"I can imagine..." Raine agreed with raised eyebrows, but from his tone and the somewhat distant, pained look in his navy eyes... She decided it was best to leave the matter where it was. Whatever had happened between him and the Dagdan sniper was not something she should wade into carelessly, and even if he was her brother, she wanted to respect everything that had changed him in the past five years. If that did happen to include the fact that a woman was becoming a major factor in his life... Well, she would watch, but keep her opinions to herself until he was ready to tell her about it of his own volition. "I won't ask, then. Just... Don't get into anything you can't handle, and don't get yourself crippled. We'll need you for the days ahead."

"Unfortunately getting into things I can't handle has become a practise of mine these last five years." Warin remarked wryly, and he watched as Raine immediately averted her eyes to the ground as if the words hurt her. His own eyes narrowed, and he sighed inwardly as he realized this would become a taboo subject between the two of them, if he permitted it to linger. He reached for her shoulder, squeezing carefully before he began firmly, but not unkindly, "Hey... Look, I know. You've a lot on your plate right now, and it's difficult for you. I'm not about to pretend otherwise, and I'd prefer that you don't, either. Things have changed. People have changed... but that doesn't mean that you or I have. We're still siblings. I'm still going to be looking after you. Hide whatever it is you want from the kids, if you want to do so... but don't hide from me. You're a poor liar."

Raine let out a tired breath, understanding exactly what it was he was trying to get at without needing more to be said. It was irritating, how well he could read her, but at the same time, it gave her comfort in what was a strange and unsettling time. Everything was both so new and so familiar all at once, and she needed the grounding quite desperately. If anyone was to give that to her, it was her brother, and she was grateful that he was so willing to indulge her despite what had to be an awkward and painful topic for him, despite how cavalier he had been treating it. "Is it true, then? That you were being chased by Imperial forces for the past several years?"

Warin raised an eyebrow at the question, and though it wasn't as if he had no intention of answering it, he still had to take pause at it being asked. He knew already for a fact that she had been in conversations with Gilbert, Ashe and Petra since her return, and he also was well aware Gilbert at the very least would have told her everything he had said, ad verbatim, to boot. He wondered if she mistrusted them, or if she simply didn't believe he had told them the truth, and he tilted his head to the side to look at her closely as he answered her question with one of his own, "You've already heard the story, haven't you? I imagine Gilbert filled you in. Or Petra, or Ashe at the very least. Why do you want me to repeat it?"

Raine scoffed, shaking her head at the reply that told her nothing. It wasn't as if she didn't believe her students, or Gilbert, but she was well aware of her brother's real nature. What he had told them, and what they had told her in turn did sound true enough, but she doubted it was the whole of the matter. Warin was a blunt man, but he was also incredibly private. He would only tell them the bare minimum of what they needed to know, never the whole of it, and she did not want to coast by on a second-hand account. It was not nearly enough for her to believe, especially when he was standing in front of her as he was, and she explained that with a slightly edged tone to her voice, "They told me what you told them... but I want to hear it from your mouth. The whole story. I know you, Warin. I won't be satisfied until you tell me what happened, in your own words. I won't believe a second-hand account, even from my own students. Not when it comes to you."

Warin sighed, and he absently scratched at his cheek as he wondered where it was best to begin. She had the broad strokes of the story, and she did clearly believe it, but the details of it all... Sometimes it still felt as if he was still processing all of it, and it had been five whole years of living on the run. Putting it all into words, especially for her, was not easy for him, and he knew that showed clearly enough on his face. She was patient, however, and there was no look of judgement or unhappiness for his pause, and that, at least, set him more at ease. He began slowly, hesitantly as he wondered just how much she really wanted, or needed to hear just yet, "For the most part, I have been on the run for five years. Ever since the fall of the monastery, if you want to be exact. There were orders, explicit orders, for the Imperial troops when it concerned me. The princess wanted me dead in that battle, and she wanted my head delivered to her to prove it. I was essentially chased out of the monastery, before the troops took it, in my efforts to get away clean. But they pursued me, quite doggedly, I might add... I had to run quite a ways before I could turn back around to take them all in. The hunts started soon afterwards."

Raine's eyes narrowed, and she wondered at what exactly her brother had done to warrant such an extreme response from Edelgard. She had been aware already that the two had their differences back in the academy, yet to know she was so personally invested in seeing him dead... She wasn't quite sure if it impressed or worried her. She, herself, had already seen how deeply Edelgard hated her. Comparing her to her allies, to those pale-skinned monsters who had provided her with power and support before she had been crowned, had been a potent trigger for her rage. It was very likely she thought the same for her brother, and she shook her head as she muttered under her breath, "A waste of men, if she actually knew you... but personal orders for your head? For five years? Did she really brand you that much of a threat to her? A single man? Even if you are my sibling, that seems a bit much for someone waging war on the entirety of the continent."

"I'll be honest, I don't know if she gave those orders personally for the hunts, or if came from Hubert acting as her mouthpiece. I saw the orders myself on the first strike team that came after me, but it's not as if they were signed." Warin admitted with a vague gesture of his hands, and he shook his head as Raine eyed him with a speculative look on her face. She was thinking hard, drinking in his every word in order to piece the puzzle together, and he took that as a sign to continue, and did so without delay, "What I do know however is that every Imperial soldier I came across in the last five years made immediate attempts for my head when they realized who I was. We can speculate all day on why that is, but it is what happened. The hunts continued for almost three years, unimpeded, before they started to taper off. That was when the invasions started to become more frequent, and the fighting more intense, so I imagine they were tired of committing men to chasing me when they were needed more at the front... It didn't help that none were returning from their missions. I imagine that was a dent in someone's ego."

Raine said nothing, watching as Warin absently rubbed at his forearms at his words without seeming to notice as he spoke. His eyes were distant with memory, but his body was tense, as if he was expecting an enemy to leap out of the nearest corridor without warning. She had noticed already he had developed a penchant for keeping his back to the wall, and his eyes were constantly scanning, unceasing and wary, for all exits and entrances as if he simply could not relax. Five years of being chased had changed him, had turned him hyper-vigilant, but moreso than that... Raine shook her head as she spoke very quietly, "That must have been difficult... Having to kill to many soldiers all by yourself."

"It became easier, after a time... but truthfully, I didn't care for that. I've been a mercenary all my life, but killing should never be easy." Warin agreed with a sombre shake of his head, and he found himself squeezing his right arm tightly as flashes of faces tore through his mind like a racing stallion. All of them were burnt behind his eyelids like portraits, visiting him even in his dreams, and robbing him of even a moment of rest. He was tired, down to his very bones, but he could not allow himself to show it. He dropped his hand with great effort, shaking his head again as he sighed heavily, "I had to numb myself to it... Especially after the first time. I let one man go, from the first team that chased me. I thought perhaps if I sent a message back, that I was only going to cost her men in the long run, that perhaps she'd forego hunting me... But he returned with a second team, and I earned this for my act of merciful pragmatism. After that... I couldn't afford to allow anyone to live again. What was the point, if they'd just be turned about and sent back to me? It was easier, both for them and myself, to aim to kill from the outset. Trying to save someone, anyone, would just put me into the ground."

Raine watched as he lifted a hand to his throat, a nail scratching down the length of the scar on his neck in memory, and she winced as she imagined how heavily that had to weigh on her brother's shoulders. It was a tactic their father had employed many a time when they had been up against a much weaker force, and more often than not, it had served them well in preventing needless bloodshed... but knowing that following so closely in their father's footsteps had almost led him into an early grave... It made her stomach twist. He had nearly died, trying to save future men, and it hurt as she murmured, "I'm sorry, Warin."

"Don't be. I made the choice to continue as I did... and luckily enough for me, the hunts eased enough that I could begin to move more freely again once the war turned more chaotic." Warin shook away her apology even though he appreciated the empathic place that it came from, and he reached to squeeze her shoulder before he continued with his story for her. He knew the details were disturbing, he knew she didn't like what she was hearing, but he owed her the truth, and he would hide nothing as he explained, "That was when I began to have hunts of my own... I remembered your promise with your house. And I had begun to wonder... Was it possible a rebellion could be started, if enough of your students returned? I didn't see why it wouldn't be, even if it was just your house and no one else to serve as the backbone... However, my idealism wasn't quite shared with those I sought out."

"I'd heard that much..." Raine said with a sigh of her own, and she shook her head with both annoyance and exasperation at her brother's exploits, and how poorly it had gone for him. On one hand she understood why he had failed so spectacularly... He was not a charismatic man, despite the fact that he was likely one of the better soldiers of the age. He was simply not diplomatic enough, and his harsh words and manner of speaking didn't endear him to many. Especially to nobles, who were used to more respect than Warin was ever willing to give. Still, it was disheartening to know that those he had approached had turned him down so coldly, so effortlessly all the same. "Claude shot you down immediately, didn't he?"

"He barely looked at me, for all the trouble I went through to find the damned brat." Warin answered with a poorly hidden snarl of irritation, and he had to take in a deep breath to remember that it wasn't his sister's fault that the leader of the Alliance was such a self-centred coward. It had not been one of his finer moments, either, realizing that the young man cared nothing for him, especially if he could offer him nothing of substance but a simple idea, but that was beyond the point then. "I had nothing to offer him, so to him, I wasn't worth wasting time on. Mind you, now that you've returned, he may very well change his mind if approached again... but I wouldn't trust him as far as you could throw him. He doesn't care about the Alliance. He'll drop his facade of a scheming, well-intentioned leader the moment it becomes convenient for him, and he'll leave it, and Fódlan, far behind him when he does."

"But you also said you didn't believe the Alliance as a whole was lost. Did you mean that?"

"I did. Claude only speaks for himself, not for the whole of the people he leads. The fact that the Alliance is still fighting a civil war right at this moment is proof of that." Warin replied firmly, and that was the one saving grace of the failure his trip into the east had been. He had seen the loyalty of the true Alliance army. They fought not for their leader but for their homeland, and even should their commander leave it, they would never follow in his footsteps. Their history was a proud one, and they were a proud people in return. They didn't trust their young leader, but they did not need to in order to fight a war to defend their land and people. "He will leave them, but they won't leave their lands or their people. If you appeal to the masses and not to Claude, you will find allies willing to lend aid to the rebellion... but Claude will try to use you if you do. Whether or not you're willing to become a pawn for him is up to you to decide, but I'm aware that there may not be much choice in the matter."

"No, there may not be... We're so few, and our resources are even less. We need more men, we need more supplies, and that means we will need to reach out to anyone who can provide us aid eventually... But I won't look to the Alliance for it first. Not with what you've told me." Raine agreed with a nod, but she still looked tired with the knowledge she was quickly putting into place for future plans. She already was aware of the houses in the Kingdom who were still loyal to their liege, and they would be the first to give aid if called upon, but it would be a tricky business getting soldiers and supplies from those who were already expending men and gold on the frontlines of their own war. That was simple logic, and she did not need to be a seasoned commander or tactician to know it. "The Kingdom will be our best bet, for an initial attempt at getting what we will need to start a real rebellion... but even then..."

"Even then, the prince isn't interested in securing his own lands first, and consolidating, as would be wisest." Warin finished her sentence for her, and though they both were aware of how right he was, he took no satisfaction in the way Raine winced underneath his words. She looked positively ashamed, and he had to wonder why. It was not as if she was responsible for how Dimitri was acting now, or his sheer insanity. The prince had made it clear enough what his end goal was; the destruction of the Empire in totality... but he had no means of achieving it without warm bodies to throw at the Imperial army, and now that he had them, he would go ahead with his mad plans, regardless of anyone else's protests. He had proved that already, with his utter dismissal of the reconstruction efforts that were taking place as they spoke. "He wants to march straight to Enbarr, with this meagre little assortment of men... It's madness."

"He's not well."

"Not well? Those are the words you're going to use to describe him?" Warin had to resist the urge to shake his sister for daring to underplay the reality of what they were facing, but that hurt, shameful look on her face was a balm to his irritation. She knew she wasn't speaking plainly, but she tried to defend her student all the same on instinct alone. It was clear in the troubled look in her eyes, and while it helped him understand her motives... He could not permit her to sugarcoat things. Even if her students would do the same, he would not. Especially when he knew that Gilbert had no intentions of disobeying his liege, even if it meant running headfirst into the business end of an axe, and it made his voice sharp and unforgiving as he pointed out coldly, "You've been gone five years, and I know it's a shock to you, but you can't look at him and simply brush it off as him not "being well", Raine. I know how you feel for him, Raine, I truly do, but that's not the matter at hand. He's mad. And if you allow him to lead, he will get you, and everyone else here, killed before you can even so much as put a dent in the Empire."

"I know that." Raine answered quietly, but she felt the sting all the same even though she knew it was not a personal affront. She had tried herself to appeal to Dimitri, but had only been answered with derision. It was different than that simmering wrath that she had been met with last, when he had been so consumed with vengeance, because at least he hadn't turned that on her. Instead he had simply ignored her then, too lost in himself and his emotions, but now he was lashing out in every possible direction, and she was taking the brunt of it. It was her responsibility to do so, no matter how much it made her ache, but that cold, mocking stare of his, his cruel and flippant orders... She could not help but be hurt by it, no matter how much she wished she wasn't. "I do, Warin... I know that where he's heading will lead us all down a path we can't come back from... but I won't let it happen. Even if he decides I'm an enemy to be cut down... I won't let him kill himself, or his friends, for his vengeance."

"Should he raise his lance at you, I'll cut him down first. I don't care who he is, or what he means to the Kingdom. He doesn't get to idly threaten you without repercussions." Warin spoke through his teeth, and he felt his hands clench instinctively at the very thought. What was worse was how close to reality it seemed to be, when five years ago, five short years ago, he would have laughed at the notion that Dimitri was capable of raising a hand to his beloved professor. But times had changed... and so had the people who had been swept along in its river. The prince could not distinguish friend from foe any longer... yet Warin had no sympathy for him, even if his sister did. "I'm here for one reason and one reason alone... and that's you. The rest of Fódlan can burn itself down to the ground, and I meant what I said when I claimed I'd turn my back on it to let it do so... but you won't let that happen without a fight. You've made your choice to fight back, so I'll throw my lot in with you... but that doesn't mean I need to give a damn about the delusional prince that's been brought up as your figurehead."

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that... If you don't want to fight, then you shouldn't be here at all. Using me as justification to stay... It's not fair. You've spent five years fighting already, and then another for the church, against your will. I don't want you fighting again, for a cause you don't care for, just because it's mine." Raine shook her head, unable to hide her irritation at her brother's words regardless of how comforting it was to hear that he was standing beside her despite his own feelings. It hurt her to know he felt such disgust for how the world had turned out, yet she couldn't entirely deny that he had every right to have become so resentful. What had he done to earn being drawn into this war, except for being at the beck and call of the church that he could not in any feasible way escape? He had been a pawn then, and had suffered for five years because of it. She well understood why he was ready to wash his hands of things, and in all honesty, she couldn't say she didn't feel the same need, even if she could never commit herself to it.

"I don't need to love Fódlan to stay and protect it. I just need to love you. I lost you once. It won't happen again. If you're choosing to fight, then I'm fighting beside you, regardless of how I feel about this entire mess. That's all there is to it, and you can't talk me out of it." Warin dismissed her concerns bluntly, but not unkindly as he saw the sympathy in her eyes, as well as that momentary look of want flicker in and out of her seafoam-coloured irises. She was not as selfish as he was. She had learned to love, both as an individual, and in a very broad sense. She felt too much obligation to her students, to the monastery, to everyone, to ever be able to turn her back on it all and seek her own path. It didn't matter that she felt crushed by the burden that was being placed on her shoulders, and he was well aware she was stumbling under the pressure... because she only felt it right to stand underneath it. If that was the choice she had made, then he would help her take that weight. His own feelings were irrelevant. "I know full well I'm a cold-hearted bastard, and a selfish one to boot... but I won't be caught turning my back on you, or the things you love, just because my views of the world differ from yours."

They were sweet words, for her brother, but it didn't give Raine any comfort. It only made her exasperated, and she looked at him and took in the scars he was showing, both outside and in with a deep, wrenching aching in her stomach. How much had he suffered already? How much more suffering would he go through, before he was capable of living a life he wanted, free from obligations of any kind, even ones he imposed on himself? She couldn't imagine, and that only bothered her all the more. She didn't deserve that kind of loyalty. That kind of love. Not when it hurt him so much. She folded her arms over her stomach, shaking her head again as she muttered sourly, "Putting you life on the line for my views doesn't make me happy, Warin."

"Then how about I make it conditional?" Warin asked, and he had to hide a smile as his sister blinked, and looked at him with unmasked confusion and surprise. Her lack of a response only urged him further, and he rubbed the back of his neck before gesturing about to their surroundings before he explained for her wide-eyed stare, "I'll stay and fight for you, and to boot, I won't make any more remarks that you don't like... but in return, you just need to make me one promise. If you do that, then you don't need to worry about feeling unhappy because I'm here. It's a contract, not an obligation. That makes things more than fair, doesn't it?"

"That depends on the condition... but you've at least got my attention." Raine admitted, and she looked at him with a mixture of wonder and exasperation. He was too much like their father, changing things on a dime simply because he could, and she wasn't sure if that trait was endearing or annoying, even with the stinging that accompanied that sweet familiarity. But she put that aside quickly, it was not something she was ready to face just yet, especially now of all times, and instead she crossed her arms over her stomach as she looked him over with a tilt of her head, "All right, I'll bite, Warin... What is it that you want me to promise?"

"Don't die. Make it out of this war unscathed. It's a miracle you're here today, and I'll give you that, but I don't want you needing another. I'll do my damnedest to ensure you won't. But I want to hear you promise that you'll do whatever it is it takes to survive, too." Warin answered firmly, and he watched with a slight smile as Raine clearly didn't seem ready to have heard such a thing from him of all people. She was looking at him almost as if he had grown a second head, and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling more broadly as he continued on clearly for her, "Give me that, and you'll have my loyalty like any good mercenary, as well as my professional silence. Unless you ask for my opinion, I won't give it. Do we have a deal?"

"You... We're mercenaries, Warin. You know full well mercenaries can't and don't make those kind of promises." Raine replied after a long, painful moment, and she ran a hand tiredly through her hair as she looked her brother up and down with both confusion and exasperation. It wasn't like him to say such things, or to go against mercenary superstition. He was a mercenary in blood and spirit, and he was exactly like his father in that. He knew better than to go against their vocation's risks... He had always known better. This was a promise she couldn't make in good faith, simply because she knew full well he could not do the same. "Especially during wartime... You know exactly how it is for us. This is most dangerous time to be a sellsword, even if it is the most profitable. Have you forgotten all of Father's lessons?"

"You're not a mercenary anymore. You can make that promise." Warin pointed out with a raised eyebrow, and Raine twitched with both surprise and uncertainty furrowing her brow as his words clearly took time to sink in. It wasn't something he wanted to point out, as it made it seem as if she was being pulled farther and farther away from their roots, but it was the one time he was willing to take full advantage of it all the same. She was not a mercenary any longer. She was hardly even a professor now. She was turning into a commander, whether or not she wished for it, and that left her free, and he explained that for her with a shrug of his shoulders, "You aren't bound by old superstitions, and you've never gave a damn about them anyway. There's nothing stopping you from making me that promise but your own paranoia. And do you really believe you're going to die on me?"

"You are utterly exasperating, do you know that?" Raine let out another long, tired breath, but she was well aware when she had been beaten. Her brother had effectively boxed her into a corner, and there was no way out of it. And, in a way... She supposed she wasn't quite as annoyed as she ought to be about it. It was just insurance, insurance he sorely needed, and he was telling her so without using the exact words. She could understand that much, and she offered a crooked smile before extending her hand as she capitulated to him, "Okay... Okay. Fine. I promise that I won't die. Or at the very least, I promise to try my best not to. If it makes you be quiet, it's worth trying."

"Good. Then we're on the same page." Warin took her hand in his for a quick, firm handshake, before he pulled her close without preamble. She laughed as he caught her effortlessly against his chest, but he didn't mind it as his arms wrapped tightly about her to hold her close. It had only been for a moment then, when he had seen her first, that he'd allowed himself to lose his composure and be the last one to take her into an embrace. Stepping aside for her students had been the right thing to do, the proper thing, but his arms had been feeling painfully empty ever since. He squeezed tightly, wary of himself and of her, but still unable to help it as he let out a bit of a pained breath, "I meant what I said, Raine. You won't be needing another miracle. I missed you. I won't let it happen again."

Raine returned his squeeze carefully, well aware of the trembling in his arms and knowing exactly why he couldn't be so steady despite all of his attempts to appear so. He was broken somewhere, not just battered. His five years alone had done more to him than he was ready to admit, or perhaps just willing to show, but Raine didn't need his words or expressions to know her brother. They were closer than that, even if five years had passed and left one of them stagnant and the other forced to move on ahead. She leaned into him gently, closing her eyes for his comfort and hers as she murmured, "I'm sorry that I left you alone... and I won't let that happen again, either. I promise. Wherever we go from here on out... We go together. For certain this time."

"For certain."

AN:

It's never really addressed, how losing out on five years really effects Byleth, but I suppose that's kind of the point of them, in a way. So much of what happens to them is something they're forced to roll with before any real idea of compartmentalizing actually has time to take place. Whether it be becoming a professor, losing their father, possibly dying, and then returning, and then taking up a leadership role either under duress (Verdant Wind), or because they're just that desperately needed in order to get things done (Crimson Flower)... In Azure Moon, their position is a little more interesting, as well as precarious, as it's obvious Dimitri (to a certain point) is the one calling the shots, and Byleth takes a more of backseat with their attempts to reign him in, confront his behaviour, or attempts to invoke his empathy. While it's unspoken that Byleth is leading in a general sense, there's little question Dimitri is "in charge" when it comes to what the army will be doing, regardless of the worry and doubt his mindset and actions cause his comrades... Not to mention the sheer danger they're put in because of his single-minded desire to hunt down Edelgard.

Now, to clear some things up... I am a huge fan of Dimitri, but in no way do I excuse any of his actions, be it past, or present. He's an extremely flawed individual, capable of great cruelty to both friends and foe, and while he goes through rapid character growth (a bit too rapid, but I blame story restraints more than anything else there), it certainly doesn't excuse anything he's done. He's right to castigate himself for his behaviour and actions, and he's also right to doubt his ability to be a "good man", let alone a good ruler. His heart is certainly in the right place in the end, once his mind joins up with it, but there's no doubting he did wrong, and deserves to be called out on it rather than easily forgiven.

I don't intend to give him a free pass, nor do I intend to let his actions go without consequence. While some of his behaviours had certain consequences that led to his change of heart, I don't intend to keep all of them the same. Which I'll be changing will be my little secret for awhile, but I do want to just make it clear here and now that Raine's not going to easily forgive him, nor will the rest of the Blue Lions, when the time comes for character development to take place. This does unfortunately mean Raine's going to be having a much more difficult time with him, so expect plenty of angst in that department... Warin's getting off lucky, and I still put him through the ringer, and there's more to come to boot. X'D

Also, just to address one last thing, I have been asked a few times about the possibility of my version of Azure Moon taking hints from Silver Snow, or even Verdant Wind... My response to this is: Yes. But I will not provide any details, and I will politely ask for no recommendations on how that should happen, why, or guesses on how I'll be going about it. The story as a whole is already mostly set in the bones, but I tend to like my bigger projects to grow on their own so I can still surprise both myself and my readers as the "details" show themselves to me as I write. So, you've your answer, and I hope it satisfies you!

Thanks as always for reading this far, and I hope to see you again in my next chapter. Things are moving a tad slow this moon (mostly to catch everyone up and smooth over that "return" that felt too rushed) but I promise I'll be getting back into the action side of things very soon. Please drop me a review should you feel the need, and I'll see you again as soon as I possibly can! Have a good one, guys!

Mood: Excited.

Listening To: "Shelter" - Porter Robinson and Madeon

~ Sky