Genres/Rating: Friendship, Conflict, Ideals, Angst. (T)

Characters: Raine, Dorothea, Dimitri.

Summary: The last thing Raine had expected after their first brush with Imperial forces was to see a former Black Eagle come without fanfare into the walls of Garreg Mach, especially after five years on the run, but the war had proved that the divides had run deeper than she had initially thought. Who was she to turn away a plea for help, regardless of where it came from? The charity however would prove divisive, but that, too, was something she was quickly learning to handle, regardless of how much it pained her to do so. She was the commander now... and commanding came with conflict more often than it came with peace.

Pegasus Moon

Garreg Mach Gardens

Afternoon

"Here. It isn't much, but you've come all this way... I hope I remembered the right flavour." Raine spoke quietly, politely, as she set down the still-steaming kettle on the tabletop, avoiding the steam as she did so before she poured the water into the two waiting cups in front of her. She never had gotten used to the concept of making a good tea, but good-manners had demanded that she at least try her hand for her guest. She knew it had to look foolish, especially considering the fact that their few resources meant such trivial things like tea leaves were practically a luxury at the moment, but she was determined to not show weakness, or that she and her small band were lacking in any sort of capacity. Pragmatism and pride demanded it, even if she was well aware that the woman sitting in front of her would probably be the last person in the whole of Garreg Mach to begin to scold her for it despite the fact that she surely had noticed it on her way there.

"Don't worry so much, Professor. You've been more than hospitable, especially considering the circumstances. Tea isn't important." Dorothea shook her head and tried to hide a little laugh as she accepted Raine's clumsy attempts at hospitality, but she took the tea gratefully anyway to warm her hands as the former professor of the Blue Lions took a seat across from her after pouring her own cup of tea. The smell of the familiar leaves was comforting and relaxing after such a long stint of travel, especially considering how long she had gone without such small comforts, and she knew it showed as she leaned back in her seat to add with a hint of a playful smile, "But I'm grateful all the same for it... It's been ages."

"I imagine... You left the Empire only a year into the war, didn't you? These past handful of years must have been difficult for you, more than most." Raine mused as she turned her gaze away from Dorothea and to the sound of laughing children that was echoing throughout the gardens just to her left. She still was having difficulty grasping what she was seeing and what she had been told when Dorothea had arrived, unannounced and unexpected just a handful of days after Garreg Mach's brush with the first of the Empire's forces. Word had spread too quickly for her liking of their doings there, and they had fully expected that sooner rather than later they would be fighting for their lives once again at the foot of the monastery, but clever tactics, years of fighting, and righteous anger had left them victorious, even if the aftermath had left a sour, ugly taste in their mouths.

Raine shuddered reflexively. She hadn't wanted it, hadn't wished for it, but there had been little choice left to her when she had realized with a drop in her stomach that the enemy commander would suffer if she permitted Dimitri to continue with his insane idea of enacting justice on his opponent. A quick, merciful death had been all she could do for the poor, pleading man at Dimitri's feet, and she could only hope that constant vigilance, and curt, unyielding commands would keep the prince of Faerghus at a heel from now on. The war already was going to leave behind a pile of corpses for the living to contend with once it was over, and Raine had no intention of allowing torture to be added to the long list of crimes that would be committed in tearing down Edelgard's empire. Not when she was the one put in charge of seeing it to fruition, regardless of what Dimitri wanted.

It had made her hesitant, then, when Dorothea had come calling shortly after the remains of the battle had been swept away, asking for her by name, and Raine had been quick to leave her present duties to go and meet her in person without letting anyone else know of the circumstances. It was risky for her to be here uninvited and unexpected, especially considering Dimitri's mental state, but she wasn't about to turn the former Black Eagle away on something as foolish as that. The monastery needed every helping hand it could possibly get, and even if Dorothea was not there to offer aid, it was still not in her to just leave the singer in the cold without hearing her case, if she had one to make.

And it had been with surprise that Raine had realized she indeed had a case to make, as the singer had not returned to Garreg Mach alone. Following her like a flock of ducklings had been a group of almost half a dozen young children, and Raine had only been able to stare, mouth partially agape at the sight of Dorothea herding them along with a maternal smile and a kind, if firm, look in her eye as she told them to shush and allow for the adults to speak. She had been taking in orphans ever since her flight from the Empire a year into the war, and had settled relatively close to her former academy before she had heard whispers of an occupying force taking up arms in the once-abandoned monastery. She had known at once what it meant and what was happening, and she had dropped everything to leave the small hamlet she had settled in to see it for herself and with her wards to request their aid in sheltering those she was having difficulty caring for on her own after so many years.

After a few minutes of shock at the revelation, Raine had moved quickly to solve the problem that had been so unceremoniously tossed upon her shoulders. She was only glad that the word of the Kingdom's forces rallying in Garreg Mach had brought back more than those searching for help, as many of the displaced priests and nuns from the initial invasion had come rushing back to attend to the place of worship and provide much-needed aid for the rebellion in Rhea's name. One of those nuns was now shepherding Dorothea's children with all of the patience of a saint, allowing now for Raine and Dorothea to sit in relative quiet and privacy to speak at length. They were a rowdy bunch, running here and there all over the gardens, but their laughter was a balm to all who were present to hear it, and it was obvious in everyone's smiles that the sight of such innocence after such a gruesome battle only the week before was exactly what they had needed in their lives.

Dorothea could see this clearly as she watched Raine watching her wards with a distant, numb sort of look in her seafoam-coloured eyes, and it made her wince with both guilt and sympathy. She hadn't expected to enter into her old place of learning to find the woman everyone had thought dead after the invasion of Garreg Mach, but the whispers that had reached even her small, out-of-the-way haven had been unmistakable. The professor had somehow survived all these years, and was now spearheading a rebellion against the Empire, and what more, had the future king of Faerghus with her. She was a walking miracle even if she looked more tired and worn than a shining example of the goddess' will as she had been branded, and it made her smile wanly as she corrected Raine idly, "Leaving the Empire wasn't difficult, really... It was what came after that proved difficult. Finding a way to be useful... To do something amidst all the fighting that wasn't fighting, but could still be of some good... That was difficult."

"Taking in displaced children is certainly one way to do good, Dorothea. I wouldn't discount your efforts simply because you aren't fighting." Raine sharply turned her attention back to Dorothea, hearing her wariness, her guilt, without much need to look in further. It was obvious that the young woman in front of her was scarred and worn by the war, even if she had hung up her sword and fled the conflict rather than try to stay and fight. She had seen enough damage in the initial invasion and immediately afterwards to know she was no soldier, and to try and be one would only destroy her if she chose such a route. She had not lasted a year in the charade before it had become too much, but Raine was not about to judge her for that. Not at all. "Rather, I'd say it's a much more honourable pursuit... What you do will have more impact than any swinging of a sword ever will. Those children of yours will remember you and your kindness... That will last much longer than a war will."

Dorothea smiled, but she admitted that the words rung rather hallow even if she knew the praise was genuine. It was not in Raine's way to speak falsehoods just to soothe a damaged ego, and she was a poor liar anyway, but the singer admitted it just did not sit well with her. She did not regret her actions, nor did she regret her choices, but yet she still had this lingering feeling of doubt and anxiety, especially when she had realized she simply could not do it all alone. It had been desperation that had drove her to Garreg Mach's doors with her children, and she knew that she could do nothing for the charity she would be given, if it was to be given at all. She was not a soldier. She never had been. The truth of it was clear after she had seen what five years of war had done to the country and its people, and it made her sick to know all she could do was try to heal wounds that simply were beyond her skill, but needed attention nonetheless.

Children had always been a weakness of hers, especially considering her own harsh upbringing, and arriving at the idea of helping orphans left behind by the fighting had been easy once she had realized what other scars the war was leaving in its raging wake. But the task was more daunting than she had initially assumed it would be, and she was now painfully aware she was not up to the task. Not on her own. If she had been, she never would have come to Garreg Mach to beg for aid, and face the war again from the very base of the rebellion itself.

Dorothea let out a tired sigh, and she shook her head as she mused with a bittersweet little smile playing across her face as she met Raine's stare head-on and without flinching, "You're kind to say so, Professor, but I still feel like an abject coward... I don't regret my choice to leave the Empire, to leave the fighting behind, but... Everything I've done thus far... It hasn't amounted to much, in reality. I'm struggling to provide for those I've taken in already, and there are so many more children out there that are in desperate need of help... I came here to ask for aid, when I should be capable of doing it by myself. And as much as I'm glad to know that you're here and well, and fighting to end this madness... This is the last place I want to be with these children."

"I understand that... but I won't have you putting yourself in more danger by trying to scrape by alone. You and yours are welcome here, for as long as needed, until you can get back on your feet. It's what the monastery was built for, and it's what it must remember, even now." Raine dismissed Dorothea's concerns even as she understood just how deeply they ran, and she straightened her spine as she caught the look of shock that passed abruptly through the singer's eyes. It was obviously not the answer she had expected when she had explained her plight, but Raine didn't mind that. There were more important factors at play, and she knew that better than anyone as she continued firmly, "I won't hear you argue about it, either, Dorothea. As much as you might hesitate at the idea, coming here is much better than trying to go it alone. They need safety and shelter. Garreg Mach can provide that. It may not be ideal, but it's better than any other option at the moment. The monastery was meant to be home to those in need... It must remain that way, if we're to remember what we're fighting for in the first place. Otherwise, what's the damned point?"

"Professor..." Dorothea wasn't entirely sure if she was touched, alarmed, or actually afraid as she heard Raine speak so simply of solving her problems by taking in the children under her wing without so much as a moment to consider it at length. It was a sweet gesture, and far more than Dorothea had ever expected, but she knew charity almost never came without attachments. She knew that the monastery was struggling for soldiers and resources. A simple glance about had told her that. Her wards would be used as a bargaining chip, and she had had more than enough of bloodshed. She couldn't accept the offer, no matter how good it sounded to her ears. It would be impossible to do so, and she explained that painfully as her hands began to tremble about the frail china cup, "I-I can't just accept that so easily... And you need to know that even if you do take in these children, I-"

"I don't expect you to fight, Dorothea. You aren't about to be called to take up a sword, simply because you're here. I would never ask that of you." Raine cut in smoothly, anticipating the argument and not willing to wait for Dorothea to give voice to her concerns so she could soothe her fears. It made sense. The singer was wise, and jaded. She knew the world worked via exchanges of currency, and she had likely come to Garreg Mach fully expecting that any offer of charity she would be given would come with strings. But Raine didn't care for such logic, nor would she allow for the assumption to stand. She had been gifted the power of leadership, and she would not wield it unfairly, or cruelly. "Stay and mind your children, just as you would have if you had never come here. That's more than fine by me. If you do feel compelled to help somehow, then I know Professor Manuela could always use another pair of hands in the infirmary, but even that I wouldn't demand of you. You came here for looking for help. I'll give it. It should be that simple, and I will make it that simple for you."

"You really don't want me fighting?" Dorothea looked closely at the woman in front of her, struggling to find the logic even though she was desperate to grasp onto it with both hands all the same. It played in her favour, just as she had wished beyond hope that it would, but even she knew she could not just take it without question. She had seen the state of the monastery. She knew full well just how dire the rebellion's situation was, despite the professor's attempts to make it appear otherwise. She had grown up on the streets of Enbarr, and she knew desperation and hopelessness when she saw it. It was unmistakable. They needed men, supplies, morale... and yet there Raine was, turning away a potential soldier, without even a second thought. If she hadn't been the one to be turned away, she would have called it folly. It was that and that alone that made her question her aloud, despite knowing it was not truly something she could do, "Even though you know I can?"

"You were a student here once, and you're probably better than half of the soldiers we've mustered, but that doesn't mean anything when your wants are concerned. You don't want to fight. Therefore, you shouldn't. If you feel you're doing more good by focussing on giving to these children than swinging a sword or casting magic, then by all means, continue to do what you're doing." Raine's answer came firmly as she saw the doubt in Dorothea's eyes, but she felt no offence for the second-guessing. Dorothea was a keen woman despite her looks and her attitude, and she was skilled even if her stomach was not the sort for warfare. Raine would not discount those facts, but they seemed to matter little against what she knew, and what she had been told. Her decision was final, even if Dorothea would argue, and she made that perfectly clear as she continued seriously, "Forcing you away from that and to the battlefield makes me no better than Edelgard. And yes, I am aware that she's been involuntarily conscripting soldiers to her cause. I may be new to all of this, but I'm learning as quickly as I can about this entire mess. I won't make anyone fight against their will. Not even you."

Dorothea hesitated in replying, watching that firm glint in those familiar seafoam-coloured eyes that told her of a lifetime of stubbornness that no sweet words would ever be able to overwhelm. She meant everything she said, and she would stand by it to the death. Dorothea knew that as much as she knew she needed to breathe to survive. Yet... She couldn't simply accept what was being given without further question. It felt wrong, especially with all she had seen and what she knew the leader of the rebellion was turning down, and doing so without bothering to inform her allies. She couldn't hold Raine's stare, feeling both an equal amounts of relief and shame, and instead could only stare into the depths of her tea as her fingers wrapped a little more tightly about her cup as she began quietly, "Professor... That won't be a popular sentiment, you do know that, right? What if you're called into question for taking us in? A former Black Eagle, and a handful of children all hailing from the Empire?"

"Then those saying my judgement is wrong have forgotten the larger picture. Forgotten what this monastery, what the Church of Seiros, was created to do." Raine's answer came quickly and curtly, and her eyes flashed fire as if she was daring anyone, anyone at all, to say such a thing to her face. She knew full well it was a possibility, but she didn't care. What did it matter? In the grand scheme of it all, Garreg Mach had not changed, even if the world about it was embroiled in war. It had once stood as a place of sanctuary, and more than ever, that was needed regardless of logistics and circumstance. And... Her smile was half coy, half almost downright malevolent as she added on with a shake of her head, "Rhea may no longer be here, but she did put me in charge. Putting aside the fact that it was likely the most ridiculous position to put me in, if everyone wishes for me to lead, they'll need to acknowledge the fact that my decisions will never be universally liked. If this happens to be one of them... So be it. I won't go to the grave with turning away helpless orphans on my conscience, logistics be damned."

Dorothea that silent, taking in the words and their meanings, and reminded of that moment, five long years ago, when she had sat beside Bernadetta in her quarters with Caspar and Petra, and had been told to make a choice she wanted to make, and not one she would be compelled to do. That fire in her seafoam eyes, that warmth that came from both compassion and idealism, had not flickered or dimmed even an ounce since she had seen her last. It made her both wonder and ache, for simpler times and happier moments, and for the first time in many a year... She felt both at ease, and completely safe. Here, underneath the wings of the Blue Lion's former professor... She would always be safe if she chose to seek shelter there. She raised a hand, carefully wiping at the corners of her eyes to hide the stinging of oncoming tears as she remarked with a weak little chuckle, "Heh... You really haven't changed at all, have you...? Not even a little bit. It's really like last time we spoke... All those years ago."

"For you it was five years. For me, it's been barely more than a handful of weeks." Raine admitted with a wry smile as she felt Dorothea's words pierce into her stomach and wrench at her in painful reminder. It hurt, still, despite all of her efforts to push on through it. She had found her feet in battle, there was no hesitation on the field unless she wished for death, but that didn't mean she had found her place just yet in this strange, new world. She still felt misplaced, her five years gone and her entire being aching for all she had missed, but there was so little she could do about it. And even complaining felt trite, when she looked to how the world had suffered while she had slept on in peace and ignorance. Did she even have the right to feel sorry for herself, even if she was stumbling about half-blind in remembrance that what she had experienced was not indeed her "yesterday"?

"I know... and you need to know those words are why I'm here today." Dorothea let out a long breath as she decided that the facts she had been presented with, as outlandish as it seemed, were indeed the truth. She wasn't about to question the details, as they were not hers to question, but Raine's honesty was refreshing, and it deserved truth of its own in answer. She looked up from her tea, now holding the other woman's gaze confidently as she offered a gentle smile before she explained, "Why a lot of us are where we are today, actually. We listened to you, you know. All of us did."

"I'm sorry?"

"I kept in contact with my classmates. Well, as best as I could, once I left the Empire... I know where most of them are. I wasn't sure if I should tell you, because of the circumstances... but you're right. You haven't changed, not a bit... and that means I can trust you with what I know." Dorothea explained with a growing smile at the look of puzzlement that crossed Raine's face at her words, and she took a moment to take a sip of her now-cooled tea to let the words fully sink in to the clearly surprised woman. She really hadn't changed. She still didn't understand how important she was, how much of an impact she could have, and did have, and it made it very difficult for Dorothea to hide her amusement as she continued on gently, "Consider it a gesture of goodwill, at the very least. You can show anyone willing to argue with you that you got something out of taking me and the children in, even if it's only information."

Raine shook her head, though there admittedly was a part of her that felt her stomach leap into her throat at the idea of knowing that the singer's classmates were not in such terrible positions as she had initially feared. She had had no way of knowing of the locations of the former Black Eagles, and Petra had admitted with honest disappointment that once she had been forced to return to Brigid, she had been isolated from all of her former classmates entirely, both from the Empire, and the Kingdom. Despite her wish to know if she was to put her sword against the children she had once known and had even had a chance of teaching, she still could not warrant using them as a gesture of goodwill for her comrades. It felt wrong, and she knew that showed clearly on her face as she began warily, slowly, "Dorothea, I don't want to use your classmates as leverage..."

"You won't be. Most of us aren't fighting. That's what I want you to know. I wasn't the only one who chose to part ways with the Empire." Dorothea dismissed the concerns as they came, offering a gentle smile as she understood Raine's concern and brushed it away in the same moment. It was all genuine, there was absolutely nothing underhanded about her desires or actions, and that made Dorothea bold, and at ease as she began without preamble, or any allowing for Raine to continue to argue, "Take Caspar, for instance. He was banished from his house because of his opinions on the war, and he and Linhardt both decided to abandon the Empire together, just as they said they would when you spoke to them all those years ago. Caspar meant it when he said he wouldn't fight for Edelgard, regardless of what it would cost him."

"I'd like to say I'm surprised, but quite honestly, I knew if anyone would be avoiding getting entangled in the Imperial army, it would certainly be Caspar..." Raine shook her head as she mused slowly on Caspar's actions, but there was no fighting the smile that curled at her lips at the knowledge that the brawler had held true to his word to refuse to fight for Edelgard regardless of the consequences. He truly held tight to his ideals of justice and right and wrong, and even after five years, he had not changed at all in that regard. It was a comforting thought, amidst all of this other darkness, but she did admit with a little laugh as she thought of that forest-haired mage who needed to be pulled or shoved along in order to do almost anything, "I'll admit, I'm just surprised he managed to take Linhardt with him, of all things. I'm glad, mind you, but I am still surprised he was motivated enough to leave."

"Oh, it was more than that. Linhardt stole a few things from his father's vault on his way out, if his story is to be believed... He was certainly motivated to be putting the war behind him, once he saw that Caspar had no intention to stay." Dorothea chuckled, remembering those missives she had traded with the duo when she had first thought of reaching out to them upon her own departure from the Empire's territory. It had been with worry that she had received their first letters, then amusement, and then shortly after shock, but none of it was anything else but a comfort now that the passage of time had made her understand where they had been, and what they had all been forced to do in order to do what they wanted, and not what was expected of them. "But, moreso than that, before they left the Empire entirely, they made a stop at House Varley, as well as quite the ruckus... They took Bernie along with them."

"They kidnapped Bernadetta?"

Dorothea choked on a laugh at Raine's astonished exclamation, and she had to admit, at the time when she had read Linhardt's dry explanation of their "adventures" in his letters, she had had the exact same reaction. Only the letter Bernie had enclosed along with Linhardt had quashed any and all feelings she had of anger or uncertainty for the boys' actions, as it had proved that despite her initial panic, she was actually quite grateful for the chance to be out from underneath her father's thumb again. It was not exactly what she had expected, or in fact even wanted, but being in Caspar and Linhardt's company was much better than anything she had been living with before. She waved a hand, choking on her laughter as she tried to explain for the professor's wide-eyed reaction, "I wouldn't so much call it kidnapping as I would a rescue, quite honestly. Bernie didn't want to go home, even after we fled Garreg Mach before the invasion. She didn't know what she wanted to do, but she most certainly never wanted to return to her father, or to answer Edelgard's summons... But she didn't have a choice, when we had to eventually return to the Empire when the dust settled. Caspar had to know that. Why else would he bother to go there when he and Lin could have easily slipped away without notice?"

"I suppose that makes enough sense, but... I wish I could say I was surprised, but considering Caspar, he would do it, and it's not as if Linhardt is capable of restraining him once he puts his mind to something..." Raine shook her head, both with wonder and amazement, and she almost wished she could have been a fly on the wall for that particular mess. Caspar was not a man of subtlety, and if he had stormed House Varley for Bernadetta, it would have been a loud, messy, and wild affair, with poor Linhardt and Bernadetta being dragged along for his wild escapades, no matter how well-intentioned they had to be. She fought a smile, knowing it wasn't proper of her to be finding amusement in such a thing, but it was a strain to do so as she mused into her teacup in a desperate effort to not chuckle aloud, "Ah, but poor Bernadetta. That can't have been easy for her. Caspar isn't exactly a subtle man... and we both know she does not do well with being forced out of her comfort zone."

"I think she's all right. She wasn't as upset as she wanted to sound in her letters... I know that Caspar's a magnet for trouble, but he's been keeping her out of it, for whatever that's worth. She's safer with him than she is at home, or in the Empire. I know that for certain." Dorothea reassured her with a smile, and she felt just as glad as she knew Raine did with such information tucked safely away. She hadn't known what to think of it until Bernadetta had said herself that she at least was happy to be beyond the Empire's borders even if she didn't like how it was handled, and knowing that Caspar was keeping himself leashed for her sake, if for nothing else, was also a great comfort. He cared for her a great deal, enough to try to hold himself in check after his initial thoughtless charging forward, and she smiled as she admitted, "Caspar will do anything to keep her safe. He said as much to me, in his last letter before we lost contact. I don't know where they are now, but if they're together, then Bernie is safe, and far away from the fighting... That's a good weight off my shoulders."

"And what about Linhardt?"

Dorothea sighed, as she hadn't been pleased with what Linhardt had chosen to do when she had learned of it, but she knew that there was little she could do about it. Caspar and Bernadetta had been unable to persuade him to stay with them, and he had all but dropped off of the face of Fódlan without more than a single farewell letter. She trusted that he was alive and well, if only for her own sake than anything else, but it was admittedly frustrating to not know what he was doing, or why, and she knew it showed on her face as she answered slowly for Raine, "Linhardt travelled with them for a time, but he left them to go to the Alliance when they were skirting through the territory... He said he had pressing concerns there, and he wanted to handle it by himself. No matter how much arguing there was, no one could dissuade him, and he went on his way just like he always did. Caspar wasn't happy about it, but... It must have been important to Lin. From what I know, though, it doesn't have anything to do with the war. He's staying far away from the frontlines. I know it has something to do with his research, but he wouldn't tell me more, and he hasn't answered any of my letters since."

"The Alliance...? His research?" Raine furrowed her brow at the unexpected words, and she tilted her head to the side as she wracked her mind for answers to the multitude of questions this information presented to her. From all of her knowledge, which admittedly was not much, she had surmised that the majority of research into Crests had always stemmed from the Empire and their closest territories rather than the Alliance. For Linhardt to abandon his friend for his research, especially in Alliance territory of all places, was certainly a surprise, and one she could not admittedly understand. "I suppose if he wished to do research unimpeded by Edelgard's rule, the Alliance was likely the safest place for him to take refuge, in light of how fractured the Kingdom is at current... But what exactly would he be researching there that would make him choose to do it by himself?"

"I wish I knew. He stopped writing me, and Caspar didn't have any idea, either. They parted ways near House Ordelia's territory, and if they've kept contact since, I have no idea..." Dorothea shook her head slowly with a deep frown furrowing her brow, and her worry clenched her chest as she hoped that her friends had managed to keep themselves from trouble in the last few years. Keeping in regular contact was not easy even under the best of circumstances, and they all were as close to refugees as they could come now, which made things all the more difficult. She sighed as she admitted sadly, "We all did leave around the same time, but we haven't had much chance to keep in contact these past few years. We've all fled to the winds, really, and though I didn't move quite far from where I settled, Caspar and Bernadetta at the very least have if his last letter or two were any indication. Lin is Lin, and having him stop writing wasn't a surprise, but... I am hoping that somehow soon, I'll hear from Bernie again, at the very least."

An uncomfortable silence settled between the two, and Raine felt her lips pulling down into a frown at the obvious lack of mention of the one Black Eagle that she and Petra had been unable to reach when she had made an attempt to speak to them all of making choices for themselves rather than anything else. It was obvious from the pained look in Dorothea's eyes that her mind had gone to the exact same place, but what she hadn't expected to see was the look of obvious heartache written plainly across her face. The thought of that young politician was obviously a severe injury to Dorothea, and Raine hesitated to even begin to probe such a wound despite her desire to know if her worst fears were correct.

Dorothea took in a shaky breath, feeling her chest tighten and her fingers grow cold despite the heat of the cup she was still holding, and a quick look upwards at Raine's face proved she was trying desperately to hold herself back from asking about the one student that she had yet to mention. It made her smile sadly, knowing that Raine was trying to be kind for her feelings, but she knew that her own emotions didn't matter. It was important that she know the truth, that she know what was to come if she was to continue to walk this path against the Empire, and it made her swallow down that knot in her throat as she began slowly, firmly, "Ferdie... didn't leave with us, as I'm sure you've already guessed."

"Dorothea..."

"No, please, Professor. Let me continue. I have to." Dorothea interrupted that kind, compassionate call of her name that was also an offer for her to quit while she was ahead as quickly and as firmly as her voice would manage. She knew it had shaken on his name, her heart was still broken from the last time they had shared words, if she could even call their last interaction such a thing, but her own feelings did not matter now. She took in a breath to steel herself, forcing her eyes up as she picked herself up again to begin, "He's chosen to stay with the Empire. With the Imperial forces. I tried so many times to talk him out of it. When I planned to leave, I... I begged him to come with me, but he wouldn't hear of it. He had made up his mind. He felt it was duty to continue to try to guide Edelgard onto a proper path again, befitting the Empire, befitting the throne... even if it would cost him everything. We fought... It was the last time I saw him."

Raine winced, averting her eyes as she heard that aching, wistful note in Dorothea's voice despite how valiantly the singer was trying to hide it. Her eyes had taken on an unnaturally shiny hue, proof of tears she was fighting back, but there was no use in it. Her sadness, her despair and helplessness, were on clear display for Raine. She knew that feeling, that horribly twisted feeling of watching someone she cared for pull themselves beyond her reach despite all of their efforts to keep them close and out of danger, and it was not something she wished on even her worst enemy. Dorothea was heartbroken for Ferdinand, for how their relationship had deteriorated, and she was also afraid for him and the path he was heading down. "I'm... I'm sorry, Dorothea... That couldn't have been easy for you."

"No... It wasn't. I hate the thought that the last thing we did was fight, but... I can't stop him from doing what he believes is right, just as much as he couldn't stop me from leaving." Dorothea let out a breath as her shoulders slumped despite her best efforts, and she took in another deep and shaky breath before again raising a hand to brush her eyes on the back of her sleeves. It hurt, and hurt deeply, to think that their last exchange had been so full of anger and acid and frustration, but she had had five long years to come to terms with it. Though, she had to admit to herself as she watched Raine watching her in sympathetic silence that perhaps she hadn't come to terms with it at all in reality. Perhaps she had only been pretending, putting her feelings away in a small, sealed box and hiding it somewhere she didn't have to look, if only because it just hurt too much to face it and all that came with it. "It was a decision he wanted to make, in the end... and I remember what you said, Professor. That you'd respect a decision we made because we wanted to, even if it meant that we'd one day be enemies... Ferdie chose a path that will run counter to yours... I just... I just wanted you to know that, if you were to... In the fighting..."

"Stop. Don't... It's all right. You don't need to say anything else." Raine cut her off firmly but not unkindly as she heard Dorothea's voice beginning to break, and she reached out across the table to settle a comforting hand on one of the singer's in a gentle gesture. She didn't want to think of it anymore than she knew Dorothea did. She respected Ferdinand and his single-minded devotion to his homeland and his position, and she would never think less of him for choosing to remain even when his friends departed... but it did not mean she wished to think of the day when her sword would have to clash with his because of that choice. It was unlikely, that they would end up clashing personally, but the chance was all too real, and it caused her enough distress on its own. She could hardly imagine how much it had to hurt Dorothea, coming to the conclusion that she could very well lose him to the people she had come to for help, and that knowledge made her continue brusquely, "Leave it where it is, at least for now. You've said enough for today. I'm thankful for everything you've told me, and I'll keep it close for the future... but for now, let that be the end of it. Attend to your children. Start to settle back in. See Ingrid and Petra, and try to get a little rest... You need it. I think we all do."

"Oh... Ingrid and Petra are here. I forgot that they would be... It'll be nice to see them again." Dorothea smiled through her sniffling, pushing her emotions back down at Raine's urging despite knowing that one day, soon enough, she would be forced to unearth them again when the time came. But she understood the professor's insistence to rest, to put it aside for the moment if only to stop herself from collapsing where she sat, and she appreciated her kindness more than she could put into words as she forced out a laugh she didn't feel, "I imagine they'll be as surprised as you were, when the figure out what I've been up to for the past few years... Will you let them know when you see them that I'm here?"

"I will... and as much as I'd like to stay... I'm afraid I have my duties to attend to, and a few details to have sorted out now that you'll be here." Raine slowly pushed herself to her feet despite all of her desires to stay seated where she was and continue to drink in the old and familiar company. She hated the idea of the conflicts likely to come with her decisions, but she did not regret them in the least, and felt those familiar protective instincts flaring up again as she watched Dorothea accept her words with a still slightly tearful smile. She had only been involved in this mess for two moons, and already she felt overwhelmed and aching with all of their pain that she was witnessing, and she didn't want to think of how much more was to come in the days ahead. She needed the break almost as much as she knew Dorothea did, and she offered her a smile that didn't reach her eyes despite her best attempts as she spoke quietly, "If anything happens, or you run into any trouble, call me immediately, and I'll see it sorted. But I think you'll be fine, yes? Just relax, and make yourself at home. I promise to check in on you and yours soon."

"Thank you, Professor."

Raine accepted the thanks with a nod before she excused herself, and she felt the weight of her duties, her position, almost at once slam itself back onto her shoulders the moment she left the gardens behind and returned to the great, sprawling halls of Garreg Mach. It was just a simple conversation over tea, and yet she felt utterly spent from it, and she had to wonder at her flagging stamina. Was she truly cut out for this, if even just seeing old faces that could have been enemies brought out such a reaction in her? She wasn't truly sure, and she admitted it made her question herself more than ever, despite how much she had tried to project confidence and reassurance for someone who needed it much more than she did. 'I think I need to speak with Seteth about much more than Dorothea, when I finally catch the man...'

"So, this is how you choose to protect Garreg Mach, by allowing the rats to return to infest its walls, so soon after driving them out. Is this your idea of waging war?"

The words hit like a blow from an axe, and as much as she hated to admit it, hearing them so suddenly spoken from behind her made her leap like a scalded cat as her hand automatically shot for her belt and the handle of her blade. She wasn't sure if it was his rough, derisive tone, or the fact that his sheer size and sudden appearance from behind her had made her first involuntary reaction be panic, but Raine fought it down as best she could as she turned half on her heel to face the man who had been hiding in the shadows, eavesdropping on what she had considered to be a private conversation.

Dimitri was watching her coldly, leaning against the wall as contempt coloured his expression and that one, wild cerulean eye that was appraising her like a cat about to shred its prey to pieces for a meal. His arms were folded across his chest in an imposing stance, and the lance he held in one of his hands only proved that he had heard possibly everything, and his first and initial reaction to Dorothea's appearance had been to grab a weapon despite knowing no other details than that a former student of the Black Eagles had arrived into the walls of Garreg Mach.

Raine took all of this in without a change of expression even as her stomach tightened uncomfortably with a mixture of anger and disappointment. She was numbly aware that none of it surprised her, and that only made her ache, but she pushed it aside without a second glance. Now was not the time to dwell on such thoughts, especially as she understood at once she was now in a very dangerous situation that she had to diffuse whether or not she was prepared for it. She stood her ground, carefully placing the mask of the Ashen Demon back onto her face as she answered Dimitri's callous words with a cool reply of her own, "Is that your opinion on allowing orphans and former classmates back into the sanctuary of the monastery, when they obviously aren't posing a threat to you or the war effort?"

"You think them incapable of a threat? Are you that divorced from the reality of this war?" Dimitri's voice dripped derision and cruelty, and his lips curled upwards into a cold, deadly smile as if he could not believe her words, or her naivety. She would welcome her enemies into her home, into their base of operations, without once considering the risk she was taking in doing so? She had fallen far farther than he had once assumed, or, she was simply that blind of the reality of the world she now was living in. It did not matter to him either way, which she truly was, but her decisions could not stand regardless of her excuses. He would not permit it. "They're vermin, all of them, and they must be exterminated. This world cannot rest until the Empire is completely obliterated."

"This world, or you? And frankly, I don't care about the latter if this is to be your reaction to an act of charity." Raine's hands twitched at her sides as she forced them down from her weapon with more effort than she wanted to admit, and she turned totally on her heel now to face Dimitri head-on. His words still disturbed her, still made her blood run cold at how desperately he was clinging to his hate and bloodlust, but the sudden plume of anger she felt was enough to combat it. And she realized somewhat dully that she was indeed truly angry with him, with his words, and it made her feel reckless, fearless, and she met his glare and returned it with one of her own as she continued sharply, "I agree that the Empire needs to be stopped, but I won't allow for you to call for the deaths of every last man, woman, and child simply because of where they had the unfortunate luck to be born. If you believe this war is going to end with the complete destruction of the Empire and all of its citizens, then I'm afraid you're going to be sorely disappointed. I won't permit it."

"You won't permit it? Do you understand just what it is you're saying? You're going to allow these vermin to continue to proliferate, even within these very walls, and do nothing to stop it?" Dimitri watched her almost with disbelief, but all too quickly he was shaking his head, his upper lip curling into something akin to a snarl, or a dismissive sort of smirk as he looked down on her words with a mocking sort of amusement. She truly was a fool, a blind, ignorant fool, and she'd be the death of them all if she continued to lead with her beliefs rather than by the simple facts of how the world had changed in her absence. "You're condemning us all to death with such foolish acts. And for what? So your so-called conscience can be appeased in the grave? Will you be appeased when the rest of us all lie cold and dead alongside you as well?"

"They're children, Dimitri! What in the blazes do you believe they'll be capable of doing to you, to anyone, simply by virtue of existing in the same world as you?!" Raine felt herself explode, her teeth clenching until her jaw threatened to crack as she felt all of her anger rush out without control or care. She could barely believe such nonsense was spilling from his mouth, and yet she knew he was so possessed, so single-mindedly controlled by his rage and bloodlust that he had long since stopped being able to ascertain what truly was right and wrong. It made her furious as well as disgusted, and she couldn't help herself as she snarled back in his face, "Listen here and listen well. Dorothea and those children are here under the protection of the Church of Seiros, and they will be welcomed and undisturbed here. And moreover, they're under my protection. If something, anything, happens to them to cause them injury... I will find the one responsible and gut them myself, do you understand me? I don't care who they are, or what their reasoning might be. I won't stand for the murder of innocents in these walls, or outside of it. I won't fight that way. I won't permit anyone to fight that way."

Dimitri shook his head, chuckling at her outburst and unaffected by her show of anger. It meant nothing. Less than nothing. She was too caught up in the belief of being good meaning that she would win, and he knew for a fact that simply was not true. One had to become a monster to fight monsters, and he had long ago accepted that was the way of the world. Her decisions would only bring more bloodshed and bodies, and would leave the Empire victorious in the end, if it didn't take her first. "Then you are leading us all to death, simply to appease your conscience and your blind belief that fighting a "just" war somehow makes you less of a monster than those you're taking up arms against. You will not win by behaving like such a coward."

"And you won't win simply because you're willing to stoop to their levels of depravity because you think it makes the playing field even. It doesn't, Dimitri. It just makes you more of a monster than them." The words came out like acid, burning her tongue, burning the entirety of her insides, but she did not regret speaking them for a moment. He was unmoved, unblinking in the face of her wrath, but she did not care. He had crossed a line, and she would not allow for him to cross another. She would stand in his way until he cut her down, and she knew it showed in her eyes as she continued sharply, "I won't allow your worldview to taint mine, or direct the way this war will be fought. If you wish to stain yourself in blood, then so be it. It's obviously far too late to help you now. But you will not take us all down with you in the process. If you find that too much for you to take, then learn to deal with it, or cut me down and assume command. It's your choice."

"There'll be no need for that. Soon enough, you'll find a blade lodged between your shoulders, slid there because your charity led for these vermin to take all the more advantage of you. When that day comes, you'll get no sympathy from me. Just remember that I warned you, when the flames come to take you. It's more than you deserve for being so stubbornly naive." Dimitri dismissed her challenge with a shake of his head, another cold, quiet chuckle escaping his lips as he wondered how long it would take before she would finally learn the harsh truths that she seemed so intent on avoiding and averting her eyes from. He could bide his time, and he did not need her permission to act as he wished. The Emperor would fall by his hand and his hand alone, and it all would stop when that accursed woman was dead. He had been promised that much, and he believed it wholeheartedly. He believed them wholeheartedly. He did not need her for that. He needed no one.

Raine watched without a word as he turned and left, clearly confident he was in the right and had only to wait in order for her to realize it. She didn't move until he disappeared back into the shadows of the hallway, leaving the gardens behind him as he likely went to return to the chapel where he could usually be found with his mocking silence and that cold, uncaring stare of his. It was only when he was gone that she realized she could hear the sound of a steady drip of liquid on stone somewhere near her foot, and she glanced down errantly before realizing that a small puddle of blood had formed below her shaking hands sometime without her notice.

"Damn..." Raine winced as she forced her fingers to unclench, revealing four perfect crescent-moon shaped cuts that she had punctured into her palms with her own nails. She wondered when she had balled her hands into fists, and moreover when she had gripped them down tight enough to cause herself injury. She couldn't remember feeling pain. Only anger and disgust and fright, all mixed into an ugly ball of emotion that had made her taste bile and seized her chest until it became hard to breathe. She forced out a breath, glancing down at her scored palms without really seeing the injuries, or the blood that was trickling down through her fingers and to the floor.

'Is he really that far gone...? How much of what he's saying is him, and not this damn madness that's gripped him...?' Raine wiped away the blood on her sleeves, numb to the pain in her hands and knowing she would need to wrap them quietly on her own before she sought out anyone for a meeting, or even a casual chat. Anyone with eyes would see her wounds immediately, and at least if they were wrapped she could make excuses for how she had come by an injury on her hands. If anyone saw that she had done it to herself that would lead to questions, and she was in no mood to answer them and stir up further trouble with the truth. It only made her head spin faster and her stomach tighten painfully, and she forced in another deep, slow breath as she fought for a clear head.

It was reassuring that Dimitri had given up without much of a fight over Dorothea, as it meant he only wanted to be heard and would be more than happy to watch her fail, if that's what he believed the outcome would be. He had wanted to make a point, not so much of a threat, but she didn't regret how she had reacted. If it had put him off it was all the better, and if it had made her a fool... She didn't really care. Her appearance wasn't of importance, not against the safety of those she was taking in of her own accord, but it was a burden she was stumbling underneath all the same. She wasn't sure how much more of it she could shoulder. She felt ready to collapse every single time she tried to stand, and he was not making it any easier.

'I was fooling myself... Thinking I wasn't leaning on him, and that it was the other way around, wasn't I...?' Raine stared down at her bloody hands, not really seeing them as she bit her lower lip and felt that odd mixture of warmth and pain once again begin to suffuse her chest until breathing became difficult to do. Her throat was tight and her eyes stung, but she didn't care for any of her physical discomforts. They were far and away, distant and numb, and she let out a tired breath as she murmured to herself, "Some professor I've been... Leaning on him, grasping blindly at things I could barely comprehend, and thinking I was doing so well standing on my own two feet... Gods, I'm so damned stupid..."

Dorothea's expression was seared into her mind. Her heartbroken words ringing in her ears, and making Raine wonder if any of this pain she was feeling was even remotely similar. Her heart had never beat, and it likely never would. She did not feel her emotions in her chest, as she had learned so many others did. Instead she only felt emptiness there, as if she was still missing some vital piece of herself, while the rest of her body tried in vain to pick up the slack. Instead of a broken heart she only felt nausea and cold, and though she knew she could cry, that hardly seemed like enough. It hadn't been for her father... and it didn't feel remotely right for Dimitri, either.

Closing her eyes, Raine took in another deep breath as she forced everything down for another time, and another place. She still had duties to attend to, and none of her emotions were as important. She would return to her quarters to quickly attend to her hands, and then return to her work as she knew she had to. She had to ensure both Seteth and Gilbert were on board with her new decisions, smooth out the plans for the meeting with Rodrigue in the Valley of Torment come the moon's ending, and prepare her troops for the fighting that was sure to continue even if everything was to go to plan in the coming weeks. The burdens were growing heavier... but she wasn't ready to buckle down underneath it just yet. There was simply too much to do for that to be permitted.

"Maybe, when all of this is over... Just maybe..." Raine sighed to herself as she turned in the direction of her quarters and began to walk, and she pulled her sleeves errantly over her hands to hide them on the off chance she ended up running into a too-familiar face. She was tired... but it was nothing new. She could cling to her silly little dreams of rest and a chance for it all to be over, when it truly was, but that was a far distant idea. For now, duty was calling, and she was ever the obedient slave. There was no other choice for it, no matter how tired she was. Maybes were the sweet things of her dreams, not the reality that she knew, and she would put on a mask, hide her exhaustion, and do what what was needed until she could finally rest. She owed them that much, at the very least.

AN:

Time-skip Dimitri's an arse to write, I've realized. He's worse than Warin. At least, in his current state he really is, but who knows how that'll change when it comes for "that time" and he's simmered a little bit out of the crazy... It's difficult to capture him just right, between that bloodthirsty veneer, as well as the coldly mocking man he is when he isn't engaged in a fight. Everything but the chase for Edelgard is beneath his notice for a good while, and that includes his former friends and professor, despite those occasional pinpricks of conscience and good sense. It's interesting, because while he is clearly not well at all in terms of mental health, he is still relatively intelligent and capable of making good arguments for his own benefits, though he comes off as cold, demeaning, and completely apathetic about anything not related to his end goals.

And those end goals certainly are scary as hell, when they're looked at from a distance. His hatred isn't exclusive to Edelgard, and he expands it clearly to all in the Empire, completely casting aside the fact that the soldiers he's facing are not the men and women he should be venting his anger on. It's as clear as his first words about waging war on the Empire, that he finds them all to be guilty and therefore must be punished as a whole, and I wanted to apply that enmity, as illogical as it is, to even the most innocent that he'd end up facing if those not aligned with the Empire at present, but clearly were in the past, could come knocking on the doors of Garreg Mach.

Dorothea, as well as the rest of the Black Eagles, were fun to write about in this chapter (with the exception of Ferdinand), and going off of "Flight of the Eagles", this is the logical conclusion I've reached about where they all would be at the time of Azure Moon, at least in my own world. Dorothea splintering away to do her own thing, Caspar grabbing Bernadetta and Linhardt to join him on an adventure until Linhardt splits to do his own thing... (Can anybody guess what he's doing and why? A cookie for a right answer! XD) I really cannot see those four, in good conscience, standing beside Edelgard. Bernadetta would need cajoling in one form or another in order to not be "forced" into taking a side with her, which is where Caspar comes into play, but that's really only because I romance them together, and I have a lot of difficulty imagining he wouldn't be busting into House Varley to rescue her from her father if he's not interested in joining the Imperial army... (This is my fault for recruiting everyone, I suppose... I'm bad that way.)

However, with that said, do not expect everyone to show up at Garreg Mach as Dorothea has. Dorothea is taking the firm position of a non-combatant and she will not be taking the field for the rebellion. And no Alliance students besides Raphael, who has been recruited into the Blue Lions, will be throwing their lot in with the rebellion, either. It's simply infeasible to imagine all of the Black Eagles forming up with the Blue Lions to fight against the Empire, and so they simply will not in this work. Their lives as Empire citizens may be over during the war, but that doesn't mean they need to fight alongside the rebellion. Of course, this does make Ferdinand an interesting case, and that will be dealt with in upcoming fics... and I do also plan to mention Alliance students as it becomes appropriate, so you'll see familiar faces as we go, I promise.

Anyway! Thank you for reading through this slog of a work, as well as this incoherent author's note. I'm always thankful for your attention and kindness, and I hope you'll drop me a review should you feel the need. I hope I'll see you again next chapter, and I hope you've a good one in the meantime!

Mood: Introspective.

Listening To: "Send Your Love" - Adele

~ Sky