A/N ~ i got nothing to say

Meredith closed her locker and waited for Christina to finish up getting ready. Bailey had just come in to give assignments and they were both in the pit today.

"I got home fine yesterday, by the way. If you care." Meredith said sarcastically.

"You said I could go!" Christina said incredulously.

"I'm joking," she rolled her eyes. She put her foot up on the bench to retie her shoelaces. "You know, I had a nice conversation with Mark after you left. Mmm, maybe nice isn't the right word. Pleasant."

"Mark?" Christina raised her eyebrow.

"It's weird, right? Especially after… nevermind," she shrugged.

"After Derek knocked him to the ground?"

"Mmm." Meredith nodded. "Can you hurry up?"

"You're in a rush to get to the pit?" Christina smirked. "Calm down, I'm ready."

She slammed her locker shut, put her stethoscope around her neck, and they walked out of the intern locker room together. They were both surprised to see Derek waiting outside, leaning against the wall. "Dr. Grey. May I have a word? It'll be fast."

"Dr. Shepherd?" she said.

"I'll be in the pit…" Christina said warily. Meredith widened her eyes at her and frowned as Chrisitna left. She rolled her eyes and looked back at Derek expectantly.

"Meredith, I just wanted to…" he exhaled. He glanced down the hallway, then looked at Meredith. "I know you don't want anything to do with me but I thought you should know. I agreed to… Addison and I, we're gonna…" he trailed off, and looked at her apologetically, rocking back and forth.

Meredith wrapped her arms around herself. She knew where this was going, but she needed the confirmation, "Gonna what?"

"Get back together."

Her face fell, slowly. Her shoulders dropped, and she felt her body heat. The rest of the world seemed to go quiet.

"Oh."

Derek swallowed, and looked into her eyes although he knew it would hurt less if he avoided them. He took a deep breath and looked at the floor, then back at her. "She's my wife."

She sucked in a sharp breath after a moment of staring at him with a furrowed brow, and began nodding slowly. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words. She closed it and continued nodding irregularly. "She's your wife," she finally spoke. "Of course. Thank you for uh, for telling me." She finished shakily, and Derek nodded solemnly while she hung her head and walked away quickly.

When Meredith reached the pit, she met her best friend at the front desk. Christina took in her shallow breathing and the ways her eyes didn't seem fully focused. "What did Shepherd want?"

Meredith opened her mouth but let out a long breath. "Um…" she looked at Christina and tears began to fill her eyes. "Him and Addison, they're gonna, you know…" she trailed off.

"Oh…" Christina whispered. She hesitantly reached her arm out to comfort her, but Meredith pushed it away.

"No it's, it is fine. I'm fine. They are married-" her voice cracked and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm fine," she whispered, putting her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. "We have to… we need to get back to work."

"Okay." Christina nodded, and watched as Meredith tried to busy herself with a patient.

Meredith and Christina joined Alex, Izzie, and George at a round table in the courtyard for lunch.

"You're such an ass!" Izzie laughed and she lightly slapped Alex's arm, as Meredith and Christina sat down.

"An ass that you love?" Alex smirked.

"Yeah, you wish." she scowled.

"Enough with the foreplay," Christina interrupted.

"Ew, Christina!" Izzie threw a carrot stick at her, which she caught and took a bite out of. Izzie glared at her. George laughed at the exchange, then looked over at Meredith, noticing she was silent.

"Mer," George leaned closer to her.

"Hm?" She looked up from staring at the table and tried to smile. Her chest felt tight and she had easily tuned out her friends.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I…" she looked around the table at her friends. They were all watching her with some level of caution and worry. "What?"

"You don't seem okay, Mer." Izzie said.

She shook her hand. "I'm fine. I thought you guys were mad at me," she said, uncrossing her legs under the table. The tightness in her chest was slowly climbing higher.

"We can be mad and concerned at the same time."

"I'm not mad, Mer," George said. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," Meredith said conclusively.

Izzie looked at Christina, who sighed and rolled her eyes. "McDreamy dumped her. Like, for good."

"Christina!" Meredith exclaimed.

"What? No one was believing the 'I'm fine' bullshit."

Meredith huffed and stood up from her chair. "Well, believe it! Because I am fine!" she yelled. Her startled friends looked up at her, and nearby staff in the courtyard glanced over at the commotion, but Meredith just pushed in her chair forcefully and walked away.

"He dumped her?" George broke the silence.

Christina nodded. "Just before. He's sticking with Satan, apparently."

"Is she okay?"

"She's clearly handling it well," Alex snorted.

"Hey!" Izzie hit him again.

"She's like, obsessed with being fine. But she'll definitely end up drunk tonight." Christina muttered.

"Well, that's not healthy. We have to help her."

"Izzie, she wants to drink. Let her." Christina rolled her eyes.

"You know, you and her think it's normal to drink every single night. It's not."

"We don't drink every night. I haven't even had alcohol recently."

"Why is that, Yang? Knocked up?" Alex smiled sarcastically.

"No one likes you." Christina narrowed her eyes, then turned to Izzie and George. "Just give her a few days. She'll be fine," she gave a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Whatever you say," Izzie rolled her eyes.

While walking back to the pit, Meredith came to a halt when she almost walked straight into someone.

"Oh…" Breathing heavily, Meredith brushed her hair out of her face and took a step back, seeing Mark in front of her.

"You okay?" Mark asked.

"God, why are you everywhere?" Meredith blurted. Mark raised his eyebrows. "Sorry I- sorry," she said softer, running her hands over her face.

"I wouldn't say I'm everywhere. Though I can be if you want me to," he joked.

She watched him for a moment, and swallowed. "You should go back to New York, Mark."

His smile dimmed at her melancholy tone. "I like it here. The girls are hot in Seattle. There's the rain, of course. But that might be more of a stereotype, it's rained once since I've been here."

"Derek and Addison are back together," she exhaled.

Mark tilted his head back and nodded, a wistful smile showed up on his face.

"Mark?" she frowned. He looked down at her.

"I should've known."

"We both thought there was a chance-" Meredith tilted her head.

"No. He's not…" he sighed. "He feels an obligation. He's, Derek."

Meredith frowned in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"It's obvious he loves you. You know that, right?" he cocked his head.

"What? He's with Addison."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't really mean anything. He doesn't love Addison, it's been a while since he loved her. But you? I mean, just the way he looks at you. And him punching me in the face when he saw me talking to you? Another clue," he smirked

"Mark, try to be serious," Meredith placed her hands on her hips. "I've known him for about two months."

"I know you think it's simple; if he loved you, he'd be with you. But Shep is hardly simple. He's been married for, what, ten years? Eleven? He's not going to give up on that without absolute certainty that it should be given up on. He's an idiot like that."

She looked at Mark for a moment, absorbing his words. For a brief moment, it made sense. That's exactly the type of person Derek is, someone who doesn't give up easily. But she didn't want it to make sense for him to be with Addison. She wanted him to be with her.

"That's really stupid," she crossed her arms over her chest.

Mark gave a half shrug. "Give it some time. We'll see."

"Why are you here, anyway? Looking for Addison?"

"Oh, just a chat with the chief," Mark grinned, then checked his watch. "Speaking of, I gotta go. Don't want to be late for the big meeting!" He rested his hand on her head momentarily as he walked in the direction of Dr. Webber's office.

Meredith was left taken aback. "Wait, what?" She yelled. Mark looked over his shoulder and smirked at her, and left her standing there with her mouth gaping open.

Meredith stumbled back from the bathroom and sat back down on the barstool where she'd been for an hour already. She came straight after work, with Christina, George, and Izzie joining her. Even Alex had come, but she was pretty certain he was only here because of Izzie. None of them were even drinking, except for Alex who had a beer.

"Are you ready to go home?" Izzie smiled sweetly at Meredith, who narrowed her eyes in response.

"I'm drunk, not stupid. I know you don't approve of this, or whatever, but it's actually not that deep!"

Izzie huffed and turned to the others. "A little help?"

Alex shrugged. "What are we supposed to do? We don't have an obligation to babysit."

"You have zero empathy, you know that? Besides, I obviously wasn't talking to you."

"Izzie, we can't do anything right now. Talk to her tomorrow if you really have to," George suggested.

"Do you think I can't hear you?" Meredtih mumbled, but they didn't hear and kept discussing.

A young man with blond hair and blindingly obvious veneers walked up to Meredith, and placed his hand on her back. "Hey gorgeous. Interested in playing some darts?"

Meredith turned around in her seat quickly, ignoring the stares of her friends, and laughed. "I don't think I've ever played darts. Like, in my life."

"I'll teach ya."

Meredith laughed again, knowing she wouldn't even entertain the idea, until she saw someone walk up behind the man that made her smile disappear.

"Meredith," he nodded at her and offered a slight smile, before leaning closer to the blond man. "Come on, man, she's clearly drunk."

"Why does everyone think I'm deaf?" she said, causing Derek to look at her in confusion.

"Who are you?" the man asked him, frowning.

"He's no one!" Meredith smiled and hopped up off her seat quickly. She grabbed the blond's hand and dragged him over to the dart board. "What's your name?" she asked as she grabbed the darts and handed him half of them.

"Connor. And you?" he answered with a seductive smile, which had her resisting the urge to roll her eyes. All day she had felt like she was floating in this mindspace full of unease and apprehensiveness, and she felt like the easiest way to get out of it would be to have some fun, let loose. And Connor seemed like he could be fun. She was already drunk, her body buzzing, so she knew it would be easy.

"I'm Meredith," she smiled. "Now, are you gonna teach me or what?"

Connor proceeded to play a few games of darts with her, flirting and touching. Part of her felt unsettled with his body rubbing up against hers, his hand stroking her hair while he encouraged her to throw the dart. But this is what worked for her in the past, and it would work again. It had to. While Connor was primarily focused on her, she spent most of her energy ensuring she did not look in the direction of the bar, for she could feel five pairs of eyes on her.

She squealed and threw her hands in the air with excitement after throwing a dart that landed in the triple ring. Connor placed his hands on her shoulders and spun her around to him, "You sure you've never played before?" he cocked his head and smiled mischievously as she swayed slightly.

"You think I'm lying?" she asked as his hands drifted down to her waist, holding her steadily. They stared at each other for a moment, before she felt him start to lean in.

"Meredith." She turned her head and found Derek standing there. "What are you doing?" he said, sounding disappointed. He was frowning slightly, but it didn't feel like he was angry at her. Something more like pity.

She frowned in disbelief, and looked up at Connor for a moment before looking back at Derek. "Are you kidding me?"

"You're drunk Meredith."

She looked at a wall for a moment, her eyes wide. "Thanks for letting me know."

"Your friends want you to go home with them."

Meredith nodded sarcastically and narrowed her eyes, at a loss for words. She smacked her lips, and looked at Connor. "What do you say we get outta here?"

Connor grinned at her, "Wanna go to my place?"

"Sure," she smiled.

"Meredith," Derek frowned.

Meredith rolled her eyes and stood out of Connor's grasp to stand in front of Derek. "Just fuck off!" She looked around the bar slowly when she realised she might've spoken too loud, as a lot of people had gone quiet and were staring. Derek's mouth fell open, and a dark film took over his eyes. After standing very still for a moment, he turned around and walked out of the bar. As conversations between strangers resumed, Meredith turned to Connor and giggled.

"You gonna tell me who that is?" Connor said, chuckling.

"No," she smiled sweetly.

"Come on," he grabbed her hand and started walking. Meredith sped walk to keep up with him, and swept her eyes over the bar as they walked past it. All her friends looked shocked, disappointed, and slightly concerned. She rolled her eyes again as Connor pulled her through the door.

A/N ~ I googled dart board terminology for this chapter. This is so shit but I'm having fun writing it. Kisses x