A/N ~ thank you so so so much for reviewing! i appreciate every review so much
The coffee machine buzzed, and Meredith stood in the middle of the dark kitchen, staring at nothing. The sun rose a lot later in winter, so they'd been scrambling to get out the door in the pitch black. Meredith had got out of bed late this morning after silencing her alarm countless times and had stumbled down to get a coffee first thing. She had already decided to brush her teeth at the hospital, but now she contemplated staying in her pyjamas. She could put an oversized jacket on and no one would know. Besides, what's the point of getting dressed just to change into scrubs once she gets to the hospital? So she stood in the kitchen, listening to how her breathing harmonised with the coffee machine. Goosebumps pricked her skin, and a chill ran up her spine.
"Morning, Mer. You busy today?"
"Hm?" Meredith lifted her head and saw George walking into the kitchen, his soft footsteps blending nicely with the other sounds. "I don't know yet. Why?"
"Did you want to visit your mom before she leaves?" he asked, opening the fridge.
Meredith rolled her eyes. "George-"
"I'm not at all telling you what to do; I just-" George cut her off. He grabbed an apple from the fridge and shut the door. "She's been bored. And Bailey says she'll be discharged tomorrow. Are you sure you don't want to try talking to her?"
Ellis Grey was recovering nicely after surgery to remove a benign mass on her liver. On account of the disastrous first day, Meredith decided she would avoid that hospital room until her mother was gone. She felt slightly guilty about it, but she knew that George and the Chief were taking good care of her. Meredith only made things worse. When she visited Roseridge, it was usually fine, but in the hospital, all routine was destroyed, and Ellis was struggling more than usual. So it was easiest for Meredith just to stay away.
Meredith rubbed her eyes tiredly, looked at him for a moment, then frowned. "Why do we keep apples in the fridge?"
He looked at the apple in his hand, then back at her. "They're nicer chilled."
George watched her take a deep breath and pour her coffee into a takeaway cup. "She's your mom, Mer," he smiled softly and nudged her shoulder a bit.
"Yeah," Meredith agreed absentmindedly, screwing the top of her cup closed. George said nothing more. Meredith closed her eyes as she took a slow sip of her drink, and winced when the scorching drink reached her tongue.
"Can we go?" Izzie interrupted the quiet and yelled from the foyer.
"Coming!" George and Meredith lazily replied at the same time and smirked at each other as they made their way to leave the house.
"Meredith!" Izzie exclaimed. "You're not even dressed," she stomped her foot.
Meredith paused and looked down at her pyjamas, groaning. She rolled her eyes, dropped her bag on the floor, handed her coffee to George for him to hold, and raced up the steps.
"If you're not down in 3 minutes, we're leaving, and you can drive yourself to work," Izzie yelled.
"Mhm," Meredith hummed to herself. Once in her room, she went straight for her laundry hamper, quickly undressed out of her pyjamas, and put on the first items she could grab hold of.
She hated whenever Izzie would rush her like this, but she knew they would be late every day without her, especially recently. Meredith increasingly found herself listening to George and Izzie move about the house in the morning while she lay in bed watching the clock. Five more minutes, she told herself. Yesterday morning, she timed herself getting ready to find out how long it took her to get ready; 17 minutes if she showered in the evening. But this morning, she watched her pass 5:13 and didn't move. Perhaps it was the never-ending rain that made her feel like her life was freezing over.
"Alright, let's go!" Meredith hollered. She picked up her jacket and bolted downstairs.
Dr. Bailey walked into the room, sighing. "Alright. Today, a new surgical attending will join our staff," her eyes locked on Meredith briefly. "I just heard it from Chief Webber in passing, and I thought I might take the time to," she gestured, "warn you."
The interns frowned and glanced at each other, all seeming to be equally puzzled.
"Dr. Mark Sloan, plastic surgeon, is starting today."
A pin dropping would be able to be heard if it wasn't for Alex's snickering. Meredith felt a few eyes on her.
"You're not serious," Meredith said.
"I most certainly am, Grey," Bailey retorted flatly. "O'Malley, you will continue to care for Dr. Grey." George made a small sound of protest. "Ah, take it up with the chief, not me, O'Malley," she tilted her head, and George huffed. "Karev, Derek Shepherd. Grey, Burke. Yang, you're with Dr. Sloan." Bailey nodded and left as fast as she entered. The five interns lingered longer than usual.
"I did not see that coming," Alex grinned. "Yang, switch with me?"
"Doubtful," Cristina deadpanned. "I want to see what all the fuss is about him. He's gotta be good for the chief to hire him, with the conflicts of interest and all that."
Alex sucked his teeth. "Whatever," he mumbled and walked out of the locker room.
"Mer, are you okay?" Izzie placed a hand on Meredith's arm.
"Yes," Meredith frowned. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Izzie shrugged. "This makes things slightly more complicated."
Meredith groaned quietly. "Sure, but it's not about me. Not anymore. It's about Derek. And Mark. And," she swallowed, "Addison. So, stop asking me if I'm okay."
"I mean," Izzie glanced at Cristina and George, "It is kind of about you as well."
"No, Izzie. This doesn't affect me. It affects Derek," she tilted her head. "How do you think he'll take this?"
Cristina frowned. "Hold on, you're worried about Derek?"
"What? I didn't say that," Meredith dismissed with her hand. "Not worried, just…" she trailed off.
Cristina grunted, "Right."
"Will you stop accusing me of being a liar?" Meredith exclaimed.
"Hey!" Cristina held up her hands in defence, "All right!"
Meredith exhaled. "Sorry. It's just getting really irritating." Cristina raised her eyebrows in apology.
"Let's go," Izzie smiled.
Meredith nodded and made her way to exit, with Izzie and Cristina trailing behind and exchanging looks with each other.
"Thatch, Meredith is a child. Stop bringing her here," Ellis spat.
"Mom-" Meredith tried to reason with her. She was in the room for a mere 5 seconds before Ellis clenched her jaw and pressed her lips together firmly, shooting George a glare.
"Get her out of here, Thatch. Right now. She has a school to attend, you know."
"George," Meredith jabbed her elbow into her friend's side and looked pointedly at him, tilting her head towards her mother.
George looked at her disbelievingly before huffing and looking at Ellis. "Sorry… dear," he said hesitantly, which caused Meredith to roll her eyes.
Once out of the room, Meredith raised and dropped her shoulders. "I tried. But I could've told you that's how it would've gone."
George ignored her. "Do you know what pet names your dad used with her?"
Meredith scrunched her face and blinked rapidly. "Wha- don't ask me that!" she cried. "Oh my god," she shook her head. "I'm going now."
She whirled around and stood with her back to her mother's room. Dr. Burke had allowed her to scrub in on a CABG later on, and Meredith was now waiting on the pre-op lab results. She quickly checked her pager, in case she missed a page, but there was nothing. She let out a long breath and looked up, immediately spotting Derek. He was leaning his elbows on the nurse's counter, with his head in his hands.
"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith approached him hesitantly. She watched with a tender smile as he stopped rubbing his eyes and looked blearily at her.
"Dr. Grey," he said, unsure. "Visiting your mom?"
"Yeah, it didn't go so well, but ah well," she smiled dryly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Derek narrowed his eyes.
"Yeah," she nodded. Derek watched her. "Um," she began, suddenly nervous. It surprised her that she had voluntarily walked up to him, and she glanced at her surroundings. Her eyes widened at the sight of a redhead a few feet away, but she relaxed when she realised it wasn't Addison. No sign of Mark, either. Satisfied, she turned back to Derek. He watched her with questioning eyes, waiting patiently for her to say something. "Did you hear..?" she asked.
"Mark?" Derek asked, to which Meredith nodded. "Yeah. Yeah… I saw him, actually. Talked to him, but he didn't have much to say. He was quite tame, to be honest. Wonder if my reaction last time scared him," he smiled.
"Try to hold back this time, yeah? Don't know if the chief will be so lenient now that he's a fellow staff member," Meredith raised an eyebrow playfully. Derek's eyes seemed to shine as he chuckled.
"I wasn't planning on it. Looks like I'll have to get used to him around here, it's just my marriage is already so fragile…" Meredith suddenly felt awkward, and he trailed off when he seemed to remember who he was talking to. He closed his mouth and his expression deepened barely. "Meredith," he said simply. She waited for more words, but he left it there.
"Mmm?"
Derek opened his mouth to speak, but he stopped himself. He sucked in a breath. "Don't take this the wrong way. Please. But… You're acting like- I mean. You were angry, before. And rightfully so. Now you're-" he gestured to her.
Her heart panged. Did he not want to talk to her? Countless attempts at talking to her gave her a different impression, but had something switched? Maybe it was the chase, once again, and now that Meredith had stopped pushing him away, he was bored.
"I stopped holding a grudge," she shrugged and smiled playfully. Derek's face dropped. Meredith immediately regretted referencing the hurtful words he had spoken to her a few days prior.
"Meredith, you know I didn't mean what I said that day."
She waved her hand dismissively. "It's fine, Derek." Truthfully, it didn't feel very fine. The nights following their conversation, Meredith couldn't fall asleep without replaying what he had said to her. Going over every word, the speed he spoke, the volume. The berating tone he used. The way he apologised immediately. She'd sink further and further into the bed with the memory.
But it was fine. Meredith still didn't know why she walked up to Derek, but it certainly wasn't to replay the conversation again. Right now, at this moment, she forgave him. For the insulting monologue, for the lying, for the wife.
She had had enough of the gloomy conversations between them, the apologies and the avoiding. The pain wasn't going away like she thought it would. Derek used to be the one to brighten her day when the rest of it was gloomy. And, somehow, even with a wife trailing him around the hospital, he still had the ability. Whenever he'd smile at her in passing, she'd feel awake, hopeful. It reminded her of the conversations they once had that made her feel wanted, and never would've led her to believe Derek was married. And this is what gravitated her to him and what made all the insults, the lying, and the wife fade away. He made her feel like herself again.
"Well, if you'd like to request to be on my service, I would not oppose," Derek said with a much more relaxed smile.
"I think you're supposed to do that yourself?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.
"Mmm, I don't think Bailey would be happy with me asking for favours," he chuckled.
"What makes you think I'd have better luck?"
"You make a good point," Derek nodded. "How about you ask Karev to act like he's at work, then?"
Meredith giggled, "What's he doing wrong?"
"Nothing specific, I guess I got used to you on my service so often," his eyes gleamed as he smiled down at Meredith.
"Never get too comfortable, Dr. Shepherd," she grinned mischievously.
Derek smiled wider and was about to reply, but he was cut off by a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey! Oh, hello Dr. Grey," Addison nodded politely.
Gravity kicked in immediately, and the world came back down around Meredith. The air seemed to thin, but she smiled meekly, "Hi, Dr. Shepherd," she said hesitantly. Addison smiled tightly and began talking to Derek. Taking a deep breath, Meredith swallowed hard. Her eyes were drawn to Addison's hand, carefully turning Derek's upper body to face her instead of Meredith.
Derek seemed to notice her change in demeanour. He frowned and tilted his head as if asking silently if she was okay. Meredith avoided his eyes, wanting so badly to walk away, but she didn't out of fear that it would seem suspicious. Addison was animatedly talking to Derek, and eventually he turned his head towards her instead. Meredith tuned in for a moment, but Addison was complaining about incompetent interns, and she decided she could slip away unnoticed. She swivelled around and left, not turning back to see if they were watching her.
A/N ~ This wasn't meant to be a filler, but reading it now to post it, I think it sort of is a filler. I'm sorry about that. I hope you enjoyed regardless :)