Chapter 26

BPOV

On the drive back to Jasper's house, I was seized by a desire to be even more reckless. I stopped at a liquor store and bought the biggest bottle of tequila I could find. Not even bothering with a glass, I stood at the kitchen counter, taking shots straight from the bottle, the alcohol burning a path down my throat with every gulp. Drinking alone was never a good idea, but Jasper was out with Alice doing whatever. I really didn't care because no one needed to see this shit. Finally, I let myself break down, shedding the anger and betrayal. The absolute shattering of my heart. A few days ago, when Edward started pulling away, I thought I could never hurt more than that. I was so very wrong. This was more than hurt; it was agony—pure and undiluted. The man that I was in love with, the only one I let my guard down around, took my mother from me—like she was nothing more than a job that needed to be done.

What I couldn't understand was—why? Was it just part of the rivalry between our families? My mom was the wife of the Don of the Cigno family. She should have been untouchable—and the men in charge would have known that better than anyone else. Wanting to call Rose to get some sort of comfort, I pushed the thought from my mind and took two shots of tequila, trying to let the burn of the alcohol tear the memories of Edward and me from my mind.

I pushed away from the kitchen counter, needing to do something other than sit here and drown my sorrows. Growing up with my father, I was never given the luxury of wallowing. Even after the brutal death of my mother, I was still expected to go back to school and move on after a week. That was all I was given to grieve the woman who raised me and spent more time with me than my dad.

Fully intent on working out to escape this swirling vortex of emotions that I just didn't want to deal with, I headed to the spare room and changed into workout clothes. When I was finished with that, I heard the door open. It could be Jasper but he wasn't supposed to be home for a while, so I was on high alert. I silently dashed to his room and grabbed his Glock from where I knew it was stored. Flipping the safety off and lifting the gun to be able to shoot quickly, I crept along the wall, wishing I had turned on more lights when I had arrived home. Someone was in the dark living room, and I pressed the barrel of the gun to the back of their head. They put their hands up in surrender and then turned and disarmed me. Even though my adrenaline was pumping, I breathed a sigh of relief because I knew this was Jasper. He was the only one I knew who had that trick. "It's me, J," I croaked out.

He huffed and went to turn the lamp in the corner on. When he turned and took in my face, his entire being softened. He knew that something was really wrong, and that thought broke me. Jasper knew me better than anyone in the world, and if life was really fair, I would be able to love him back like he did me. We wouldn't have some star-crossed lovers bullshit working against us. But I couldn't be who I would have to be with him—dutiful and docile. I didn't want to be. When I started sobbing, he pulled me into his arms and started stroking my hair, soothing me.

As was always the way with him, he waited until I had control over my emotions before he started asking me questions. "What's wrong, topina?"

"Edward—" I started. Feeling like I couldn't breathe, so I sucked in a deep breath. Jasper pulled me over to the couch and made me sit. He crouched in front of me, holding my hands. "He killed my mom." I cried out, not able to control the ripple of searing pain in my chest. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, leaving behind a gaping hole.

"Fuck," Jasper breathed, fisting one hand through his hair. "Are you sure?"

"He told me. That was why he had been avoiding me the past week. I guess he just couldn't pretend anymore." He hadn't really gotten the chance to explain, but I didn't want to hear the excuses and justifications. I had wanted to just get away from him.

Jasper seemed so sad, but he wasn't looking at me with pity, and I was so glad that he knew I wouldn't be able to take that. "So, you and Edward—"

"So fucking over. I don't know what I was thinking. We should have just ended it when I found out he worked for the Volturi and he knew I was a Cigno," I explained. Logically that would have been the smart thing to do, but when love is involved, logic gets thrown out the fucking window. We were too deep to pull out at that point, but it would have saved so much heartache. He was my one. I wasn't in a hurry to get married, but I couldn't see anyone but him being the one for me until the day we both died. Now there was just… nothing. This was something that would haunt me for a long time.

"I'm so sorry, topina. I wish I could do something to make it better," he murmured.

I shook my head because I knew he wanted to fix it for me, but there was no fixing this, and I just needed to let my heart mend. Pulling him close to me again, I rested my forehead against his. It was something that we had done since we were kids, but something about it was different now. For some reason, with my emotions so mixed up, it felt intimate. With the way he was looking at me, it seemed to be leading to something else.

His hand cupped my cheek, and he kissed the side of my mouth then pulled away to gauge my reaction. When I didn't immediately recoil, he leaned in again to kiss me for real. His lips against mine was a foreign feeling, but I was slightly inebriated and I just wanted the pain to be gone. I wanted to stop feeling sad. Threading my hand in his hair, I responded to this kiss by increasing the pressure of our lips dancing together. His tongue ran across my top lip, asking for entrance, and I opened my mouth to him, letting him continue to make me feel something.

It wasn't long before the alarm bells started going off in my brain. I was kissing Jasper. This was so wrong and not in a good way. All around, this was a very bad thing. I pushed on his chest, and he let me disengage us. The expression on his face was like he was expecting this, for me to reject him. "What are you doing, J?"

"I was trying to kiss you, Bella," he answered dumbly.

I shook my head, trying to keep from crying again. This was so fucked up. "Why? You're with Alice, and we have had this conversation so many times. Why can't you accept it?"

"Why did you respond? You didn't stop me," he accused.

I looked at him, mouth agape. This was like a slap in the face. Another betrayal. I went and grabbed my bag with my clothes. My other bag had stayed in my locked trunk. "I also just found out that the only man I have ever loved killed my mom. I downed several shots of tequila when I got here, so I'm not firing on all cylinders. As a friend, I love you, J, but it will never be more than that. I don't know why you can't respect that." Realizing that I had to talk to Rose, my only option was to go to my dad's. I stood with my hand on the doorknob, bracing myself for the scene that was bound to be caused by my father.

"Where are you going? Topina, you have nowhere to go. I'm sorry, okay. Yes, I still hold out hope that one day… but I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you shouldn't have. It's so fucked up that you even tried. While I was sitting here, so glad that I had a friend like you I could lean on and not feel any kind of pressure of what your expectations were, you were planning to… what? Seduce me? That is so gross, Jazz. I never would have thought you could do something like that to me! You know, I understand why Alice doesn't trust you now, and it has nothing to do with me." Crying by this point, I just wanted out. Throwing his front door open, I ran to my car, threw my bag into the back seat before I climbed in, slamming the door behind me, and turned the ignition. Jasper didn't call after me because he knew there was no use.

I drove to my dad's house on complete autopilot. Parking in the driveway, at an angle, I was partly in the lawn. I needed to be able to leave quickly if it came down to it. Running to the door, I knocked, hoping that Rose or someone other than my dad answered it. My prayers were answered when Rose opened the door. She seemed surprised to see me, but with one look at my face, she opened the door wider and pulled me into her arms. I started to cry harder, and she soothed me, whispering words of reassurance and rubbing my back and hair. She wiped my tears from my face and kissed my cheek. She pulled me into the house, and we both stopped short when my dad came downstairs and stared at both of us.

"Isabella. To what do we owe this privilege of your presence?"

"Dad, don't start, please. Can't you see that something is wrong?" Rose ground out. I was surprised that she was sticking up for me. To our dad.

"Don't sass me, Rosalie. Your sister has been gone—" he started.

"And she is standing right here!" Rose interrupted him. "You're exactly the reason she left, and you still just can't stop with the control shit."

I held my hands up because while I was happy that she was on my side, I didn't want her and him to start fighting. "Okay, I'm right here and I would appreciate it if people would stop talking about me like I'm not." I looked at Dad. "I can leave if you want me to, but I'd rather not rent a hotel room."

Rose looked at me, her expression soft. She was concerned, and it made my heart lift. She was really here for me. "What happened?"

I looked at my dad, expectantly. He shook his head and headed back upstairs to his study. It was really the best I could expect at this moment. Rose and I headed to the kitchen, and she made tea for both of us. We sat down and I told her everything, and I mean everything, that happened with Edward and Jasper. She was rightfully angry at Edward, but she also pointed out that there was no way he could have known from the beginning because he didn't even know I was a Cigno.

I had to agree with her, and now that I wasn't in the heat of the moment, my logic had kicked in a little. We were going to need to have a conversation, if for no other reason than to hear the full story. I needed to know why. I didn't think there was much hope for us, in the future—there was just too much against us. The desire to continue fighting upstream for us was starting to wane, even though I loved him more than I could quantify.

Rose and I continued to talk and catch up, having a lot to say to each other. She apologized for what happened the day I left and the several days following that. She was standing up for me now, and it was all I ever wanted. I needed her on my side because she was my sister. She was the one person that had been there since the day I was born, and while we pissed off and annoyed each other, we still loved each other fiercely. Before very long, Dad was clomping downstairs, upset again because he had finally seen my SUV parked almost in the lawn. He asked me for my keys, and I followed him to the door when he told me that he would move it for me. Before he walked out of the door, I tugged on his sleeve. He turned and I hugged him. I couldn't forgive him for everything, but he was still my dad. Maybe we could talk and fix this, but I knew that my stay here was going to be shorter this time. Living under his roof and his rules wasn't something that I could do and still have a relationship with him.

"Mia principessa," he murmured into the top of my hair. That was the problem with the way he saw me.

"No, Dad. I'm just your figlia. I'm human and I screw up, just like you," I told him seriously.

"When I'm done, let's talk, Bells." It was a statement, but I still nodded. I was surprised he was calling me Bells because he hadn't called me that since my mom died.

He left the house, and I watched as he got in the car and started the engine, smiling.

The deafening sound of an explosion rocked the silence of the quiet street. Rose rushed out of the kitchen, and we both stared at the fireball rising from the remains on my SUV. I immediately went into panic mode, while Rose was calling the authorities. I ran out of the front door toward my car. Realizing that I wouldn't be able to get close, because it was just a superheated hunk of metal now, I dropped to my knees. No one could survive that. My dad was gone, and I just stared at the fire, crying until Rose grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me inside the house.

Cops, ambulances, and firefighters descended upon the house. There were lots of questions and statements given. Once the fire was put out, the detectives started to investigate. They told us what we already knew, my dad was gone. But the biggest reveal was that a bomb had been placed on my car, and while it was not official, they had seen this type of explosive device used when the Volturi had car bombed people in the past. That was my SUV, so the target was me. It seemed like the secret Edward and I had was now out, and shit was about to get even more complicated