Hey folks! Fair warning, this chapter contains severe mental darkness, as well as some brutality and disturbing images. Yet it carries my very heart, which is why I consider it one of my best to date. I hope you'll find beauty in it, like I do. Enjoy!

Chapter 2 – Despair

"Bo."

A voice startled her back to consciousness. Contrary to the nagging one in her head, this one was familiar. And outside of her head. It sounded soft. Friendly. Worried. Dyson.

"No."

It was all she had to say to him. She knew, why he was here, and she had to will herself to not mobilise the last bit of strength left in her and fight him for disturbing the peace and quiet of her precious wait. Keeping her eyes closed to avoid his undoubtedly pleading gaze, she pushed her face deeper into the muddy earth. It must've rained while she was asleep. The cold no longer reached her. She didn't feel much of anything anymore. Death must be close. A surge of anger flowed through her. This could've been it. Had it not been for the cursed wolf, she would've been gone – reunited with Lauren forever.

"Leave." A growl.

"No."

She heard footsteps coming closer. Against her will, her limp body was being moved, cradled in strong arms, carrying her away from her only sanctuary. She tried to move, struggling to free herself from his gentle grip, but to no avail. Her body was numb, and she felt the world around her slip away once again. Then, realisation hit her and anger was momentarily replaced with bliss. He'd come too late. She was drifting away, and this time, she felt the cold and comforting embrace she'd been pining for. Opening her eyes, she turned her head back to the place of her devotional wake – the only patch on earth worthy of her presence.

Dr Lauren Lewis
5 June 1981 – 22 November 2022
In death, I shall find you again.

A ghostly smile adorned her features as her gaze fixated on the majestic tombstone, seemingly bobbing up and down with Dyson's steady footsteps. A breeze grazed her face, whispering, murmuring. She didn't listen. Inhaling once more, she used her dying breath to utter her last words: "I'm coming home." Then, everything went dark.

XXX

Bo was running like she'd never run before. Her heart was hammering against her ribs; her lungs were burning, but she didn't have time to pay attention to her protesting body. She needed to get to Lauren.

Their enemies had finally caught up with the human doctor, who had never stopped working on a means to isolate the fae gene in order to fulfill her promise to Evony, but also to prolong her own life. Turning the Leanan Sidhe human had only been the first step of many in working out a solution to the one thing she could not bear to face. Both Lauren and the succubus knew the danger she was placing them in, but the thought of eventually having to leave Bo behind wouldn't let her go. It chiselled away at her very soul, and at some point, the brunette had stopped arguing with her and turned to protecting her at all cost.

Prudent scientist that she was, Lauren had by no means forgotten about her first experiment to turn herself fae, which had gloriously blown up in her face. Over the first two years after Hades' demise, she'd tried hard to go back to focussing on being a doctor – the healer she'd once vowed to be. But the continued quest for a treatment to turn Evony back rekindled her curiosity, and the devastating thought of her unavoidable death stuck with her like a stubborn cancer.

The more time passed, the more they got used to constantly being on the lookout for danger. But with habit came carelessness, and in the end, neither Evony's money nor her friendship, which had grown to be strong and true over time, were able to keep the vultures from closing in. They'd got dangerously close a few times before, but Bo had managed to keep the doctor safe… until now.

Over the years, resentment towards Lauren had risen amongst the fae – Light and Dark alike – and her enemies kept refining their plans to eliminate the human, whom they'd grown to view as a threat to their very existence. Thanks to the lingering influence of Evony and a few other powerful friends that remained, both the Ash and the new Morrigan kept a neutral stance towards the human doctor and her quarrel with the fae resistance. But while Bo, with the help of Dyson, had learned to anticipate their every step, one small mistake had turned out to be enough to make her whole world come crashing down on her head.

Only too familiar with the Dark Queen's immense power, the resistance had come up with a plan to distract her and leave her human lover's side. It was a simple diversion… nothing but a primitive ploy, but it had worked. They'd lured Bo to a location far away from Lauren's clinic, having her follow a series of hints that had been meticulously placed over the course of the previous weeks. As many times before, Bo had left Bruce behind to protect Lauren while she was gone, but not even the mighty Giant was able to withstand the onslaught of blade-clawed underfae the resistance had mobilised to swarm the deserted clinic during that momentous night of terror.

When Bo realised her mistake, it had been too late. Bruce was barely able to page her 911 before locking Lauren in the always prepared panic room and facing the incoming army on his own. As soon as Bruce's emergency call arrived, the succubus roared to life, activating Bo's Dark Queen to hurry back to her wife. But neither her superhuman strength nor her beast's burning rage were capable of growing her wings. Completely exhausted, her crumbling heart hammering with the terror of what might await her, she'd arrived back at the clinic.

The hallways were peaceful. It was dark and cold, the sterile hospital smell painfully reminding her of the complex scent that was so uniquely Lauren's that none other compared. The calm was disturbing after what she knew had transpired here barely an hour ago. Her trusted dagger in hand, she turned a corner, nearing the doctor's lab – Lauren's second favourite place right after her wife's embrace. Bo's gaze fell on a bloody hand, attached to a strong tattooed wrist, peeking out from the doorway on the bloodstained floor, daring the succubus to come closer… coaxing her towards the terrifying certainty that the lifeless limb belonged to Bruce.

At the doorway, she stopped, her brain unable to comprehend what her eyes were seeing. Blood. Countless corpses of some small species of underfae, whose bladed limbs had been broken, ripped off, and severed. In the midst of it all lay the majestic gentle giant, whose empty gaze seemed to send Bo a last plea for forgiveness. His body was destroyed. The immense amounts of blood made it hard to see, but he was covered in deep slashes, which had cost him an ear as well as his left hand that lay forgotten on the other side of the room. One of his massive legs was broken in various places, as it was grotesquely bent to the side.

Staring at the once so powerful mountain of flesh before her, Bo felt nothing. She didn't hear the clattering sound of her dagger falling from limp hands, nor did she feel the strangled sob arising from her throat. Apathetically, she walked through the puddles of blood, following the trail all the way to a wide-open steel door that had been ripped from its hinges. Bo didn't… couldn't breathe. Turning the corner to step into the saferoom, her eyes caught sight of something she couldn't possibly process.

Lying on the floor in front of Bo, her back turned towards the brunette, was Lauren… sleeping. Yes, that must be it. Carefully, as not to wake her, Bo touched the doctor's face, pushing a few strands of hair from her cheek. Her body was cold and grey. This wasn't right. Lauren's skin was supposed to be warm and soft and, yes, pale, but not like this. Sitting down next to her love, Bo tugged on the other woman's shoulder to turn her over. Her beautiful light brown eyes were wide open, staring into nothingness. Empty, just like Bruce's… Bruce, who was dead.

Dead.

No. No. Nonononono…

A howling wail, followed by a soul-shattering roar ripped through the Dark Queen, her eyes glowing a bright shade of cerulean blue. "Only I will choose who lives." The booming promise reverberated through the corridors, when Bo opened her mouth wide, a steady stream of several strands of live-giving chi billowing through an open window and into her body. Mere seconds later, she stopped the flow, bending down, carefully touching Lauren's ice-cold lips to open her mouth. Focusing the collected chi of at least a dozen unsuspecting citizens into one concentrated thread, she forcefully pressed the pure life force into the blonde's mouth, willing her to come back.

But it was too late…

XXX

She woke up to a familiar aroma. Her brain didn't properly function, but the smell stood out, even in her drowsy state. Sterile.

The clinic. Why was she here? Why was she alive? Her heart started racing.

Impossible, I was dead. I was meant to die. Am I dead? Perhaps the smell wasn't the clinic at all. Lauren… maybe I'm with Lauren.

"Lauren…?" A hopeful whisper. Almost inaudible.

She hadn't opened her eyes yet – she didn't dare to. Besides, everything, even her eyelids, seemed to hurt. Her muscles were aching like she'd run five marathons, and she didn't have the mind to deal with reality. Shutting herself off, she drifted away once again.

XXX

Bo had no idea how long she'd been sitting on the hard, tiled floor, cradling Lauren's cold corpse in her arms, desperately needing to hold onto her – to feel her body against her own for all eternity. She would never make the mistake of letting her go again. She didn't notice the doctor's blood on her clothes, her face, her hands, and in her hair. Her eyes were closed, while she was gently rocking her love back and forth, caressing her delicate features that suddenly seemed so very frail. She didn't see the deep cuts disfiguring Lauren's immaculate beauty, didn't notice the gaping hole in her stomach that had presumably killed her, violently stolen her away from this barbarous world that Bo no longer wanted to be a part of.

It was in the early morning hours after that catastrophic evening, when reality truly began to dawn on her, and it was there and then that she decided to follow Lauren to wherever she now resided.

Along with the decision arrived the voice in her head, that made her feel like she was mourning for two, its agony feeding into her anguish, whispering hollow phrases which Bo chose to ignore. Pulling Lauren closer, speaking to her to drown out the voice, she enveloped her love in a tight embrace and started waiting for death.

XXX

Hours later, when the clinic came back to life, Bo was found, unresponsive and covered in blood. Any efforts to get her to loosen her death grip on Lauren's still body were met with her beast's fierce resistance. Dyson was called, dropping everything he'd been doing to rush to her aid, finding that he lacked the means to get through to her. Admitting defeat, he knew there was only one living person, who would be able to.

It worked, even if success was temporary. After bringing Kenzi in from Spain through Peggy's travel agency, she managed to calm Bo's beast, which resulted in the succubus' body shutting down, passed out from the soul-crushing suffering of the last few hours. Kenzi stayed with her the whole day and the following night, holding her hand, certainty dawning on her after a single look into Bo's broken eyes that not even she was going to be able to save her. Bo was beyond solace, and what was most tragic about it was that Kenzi understood. After Hale's passing, she'd never been herself again, because the light had left the world with him. So, instead of trying to save her, she did the only thing left to do… she watched over her.

She wasn't surprised at finding Bo's hospital bed empty when she startled awake after eventually falling asleep from sheer exhaustion. Getting up from her chair, Kenzi sighed, knowing exactly where her friend had wandered off to. She didn't have to walk far – the morgue was situated at the end of a long corridor, in a gloomy, secluded room in the quietest part of the clinic. Slowly opening the heavy door, her eyes scanning the great hall, she was met with a view that broke her heart all over again.

XXX

Earlier, when Bo had awoken, it took her no more than a split second to remember every single detail of last night's events. Her gaze fell on Kenzi's sleeping figure, the sight of her friend piercing her chest, regret filling her for only a second, before a small smile tugged at her lips, certainty enveloping her like a comforting quilt that the petite woman would always support Bo – even if it meant letting her go. Lifting the blanket, she got up and left the room, heading straight for Lauren, her succubus' instinct leading the way.

She didn't take long to find her. Removing the white sheet covering her cold body, she gingerly lifted her off the drawer surface and carried her to a shiny metal table. Whispering words of comfort to drown out the ever-nagging voice in her head, she neatly straightened out Lauren's limbs, placing her hands next to her hips, running her fingers through blond hair and softly caressing her beautiful face, before bending down to kiss her lips. The doctor's skin was like ice, but Bo welcomed the cold.

Taking off her hospital gown, she climbed onto the table and lay down next to the naked form of her human lover. "Don't worry, I'm coming home to you soon", she assured her, burying her face in the crook of Lauren's neck and placing a leg and an arm on her body, covering the offensively gaping belly wound that had led to the blonde's death.

It was Dyson, who found the three women hours later, after his shift at the station had ended. He'd hurried to the clinic to relieve Kenzi of watch duty, finding Bo's bed deserted and searching every room until he finally reached the morgue.

The petite woman was sitting on a chair next to a mortuary table, her head resting next to Bo's, one hand gently caressing the brunette's hair. The image presenting itself to the wolf was peaceful… albeit in a highly disturbing way. Bo was stark naked, her body partly covering Lauren's equally unclothed corpse. It took him only one look at Kenzi's face to realise that he couldn't expect any help from her. She'd already made her peace with Bo's decision to follow Lauren, and all of a sudden, Dyson felt more alone than ever before.

It took the repeated services of a powerful mindbender fae to calm the Dark Queen long enough to pry her away from her dead wife… over and over again, the man had to return, until two weeks later, Lauren was hastily buried in a small ceremony only attended by her closest friends.

When Dyson refused, Kenzi took on the task of having the elegantly simple black marble tombstone engraved according to Bo's wishes.

The wolf shifter had trusted that Bo would start to recover once she could no longer see her beloved, but his hope was in vain. Barely a day after the funeral, she'd sought out Lauren's grave, her mind firmly set on never leaving the blonde's side again. Not once in his hundreds of years had Dyson felt this helpless… this powerless. Day after day, he begged her to feed, screamed at her, threatened, cried, howled, roared and growled, eventually shifting into his wolf form to seek out the ancient wolf oracle in the woods… only to return shortly afterwards, because she had no useful advice to give.

To make matters worse, Kenzi's knowing gaze unnerved him. "She's already gone", she'd said to him with the ghost of a smile. "Let her be." But he couldn't. So he came back to Bo, over and over again, letting her push him away only to return, until one chilly evening, she could no longer resist. Lifting her limp, emaciated frame, he finally carried her away from Lauren's grave.

XXX

Faint whispers reached Bo's ears as she slowly slipped back to consciousness. Desperately trying to hold on to the last images that had flashed through her sleeping mind, she shut out the ever-disturbing voice. In her dream, she'd seen Lauren… a much younger version of her, one that she couldn't possibly know. But Bo was absolutely certain that it had been her. Taken by the disconcerting, impossible images, she temporarily forgot where she was… that she was. Adding to her confusion and feeding into her growing dismay, she felt strong again. Alive.

No, it can't be. I should be dead.

She searched her soul, clinging to the hope that this might be heaven. But soon, she realised that her strength was indeed physical, and that the darkness within her remained.

"No.", she whispered, her voice a desperate plea, followed by the only word really worth uttering. "Lauren…"

Daring to open her eyes at last, she found herself in a sterile-looking room, surrounded by beeping machines and horribly white walls that carried ugly paintings. Opposite the bed she was lying in stood a small couch, which was currently occupied by a sleeping Dyson. The piece of furniture was way too short for him, so his long legs dangled over one armrest, his head resting on the other. The shifter's left hand had fallen to the side, and his arm was half lying on the floor. He looked exhausted, his dark blonde locks and beard unkempt and scruffy, the shirt creased. Compassion for her friend surged through Bo, until she remembered that it had been him, who had time and time again taken her away from Lauren.

"Why am I alive?", she asked the white room, a wave of sadness engulfing her, tears starting to fall from her eyes.

Oh.

She was crying again. But this meant… "NO!", she yelled, rousing Dyson from his sleep. "No, no, no, no, where am I?"

"Bo!" The wolf hurried to her side. "Bo, calm down, you're safe."

"I don't want to be safe!", she roared. "I'm supposed to be dead. Why am I not dead? Did you do this to me? Tell me the truth!"

She was sobbing now, and the wolf's heart sank. "No. You did this." His shoulders slumped, and he let himself sink into a chair sitting next to the bed. He'd hoped so much that Bo's succubus saving her would make her come back to her senses… back to him. Despair clutched at his heart, and he felt tears of his own sting his eyes. "You did die, Bo", he said, his voice hollow. "When I carried you away, your body shut down."

"Then why am I still here?", Bo replied weakly, clenching her fingers into fists. Letting her eyes hopelessly roam her once again flawless skin, she felt her entire body tense, her muscles as strong as ever. "Why am I here?", she wailed, covering her eyes with her hands, wanting to block out the reality that her brilliant plan of being reunited with Lauren in death had failed.

Dyson sighed. He wanted to hold Bo, give her comfort and be the friend she now needed. But he didn't dare touch her. Her love for him had long ago turned into what a sister might feel for a brother, and over the years, he'd come to terms with the fact that, once Lauren died of old age, it wouldn't be as easy as him simply taking over. But now that the doctor had left them long before her time, he felt even less prepared to deal with the consequences.

Instead, he'd tried to be there for Bo, saving her from her own destructive behaviour over and over again. For her. But also, as he eventually had to admit, for himself. Oh, he knew he was acting selfishly, but after every single person that had once meant something to him had died… Trick, Tamsin, Hale, Ciara, and yes, Lauren, who had become a good friend to him… he couldn't face losing Bo as well. He wouldn't.

"Your Queen saved you", he started recounting. "As soon as I felt that you were dying, I ran as fast as I could, but I knew I couldn't get you anywhere near a hospital soon enough." Bo's sobbing ebbed away, so he looked up. She was just lying there, apathetically staring out the window, either unwilling or unable to face him. He took a deep breath. "Your heart stopped beating, and I… I put you down on the ground", he said quietly, his voice breaking at the memory. "And then, you… came back. Your body started glowing. You opened your mouth, and a split second later, chi was flowing into you from all directions. The influx jump-started your heart, but you didn't wake up, so I picked you up again and took you to the nearest fae hospital." He sighed again. "And that's where we are now. After the first time, you fed twice more in this unconscious state of yours. You were… in pretty bad shape." The ghost of a smile graced his face, then vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

"Did I… kill…?", Bo asked, her voice quivering.

"No", he hurried to reply, instinctively grabbing her hand for comfort, almost startled at his sudden boldness, and then relieved, when he realised that she let it happen. "I knew you'd want to know, and I did a thorough check for unexplained human deaths that day. There were no casualties. I guess after last time, your instincts didn't allow for it to happen."

Bo closed her eyes, but the relief she felt over this piece of news was short-lived. The fact remained that she'd been brought back against her will… by her own beast. The consequence was that the human part of her was capable of influencing her succubus, but clearly not strong enough to resist the Queen's will to survive. Her plan to end her life had failed, and once again it was her cursed biology that kept her from doing what she needed. Instantly, her previous sadness was replaced with anger. Tightly squeezing Dyson's hand, she vowed that this would be the last time that someone or something, for that matter, was going to dictate her actions. Come hell or high water, she would end her life.

Finally turning her head, she faced the exhausted wolf, who was now positively clinging to her. She deeply regretted that she couldn't help him… that she wouldn't be there for him while he grieved. She knew all too well that Dyson had lost, too, and nobody understood better than her that he wasn't ready to let her go. But there was nothing she could do for him. Lauren was gone, and she would follow her. And that was that.

"I'm sorry", she said with a soft smile.

That instant, he knew. Bo wasn't apologising for trying to kill herself, nor for being ready to leave him behind. No. She was saying goodbye. Again. And this time, there'd be nothing he could do to stop her. Letting go of her hand, he stood up, his chest heaving with the ragged breaths of a starting panic attack. He had to get out of here now. He needed air. He needed to think. Turning on his heel, he left the room and ran.