CHAPTER WARNING: More emotional distress, mild violence and some crude language.
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Earth, January 31, 1940 A.D. — Edward's Study
Alphonse's strides echoed down the hallway while he made his way to his brother's study. As he got closer, he hoped to catch Edward with a drink in hand, that way he wouldn't feel too bad for punching the lights out of his idiotic older brother. He let out a groan. What on God's Earth possessed Edward to tell Winry about Wendy on their first official encounter? The only reason he hadn't asked Edward this question yet was that he stayed behind to make sure Winry was okay. Just thinking about what happened made him groan again.
Alphonse finally reached Edward's study. He drew in a breath before opening the door and kept a vivid image of their mother in his head so he could refrain from acting upon the curse of stupidity plaguing their family.
After entering the study, Alphonse found Edward standing by the window quietly observing the many shades of orange and purple blended across the sky. His arms were crossed in front of his chest; no drink in hand.
"How is she doing?" Edward asked, acknowledging Alphonse's presence.
Alphonse caught Edward glancing over his shoulder. He opted not to answer the question right away. He marched to the couch, sank down on it. "She's fine," Alphonse said dryly.
Edward said nothing. Alphonse sighed, secretly wishing his brother wouldn't be so predictable. A couple of beats ticked by before he began his tirade. "How could you do something so despicably cruel? You were acting like a man possessed!" Alphonse's brows dipped into a deep scowl. "It's just—I don't recognize you anymore."
Edward met his scowl, and said, "It had to be done."
Alphonse stood up; threw a hand to the side. "Not like that and you know it!"
Edward scoffed but said nothing in return. Moments later—to Alphonse's bafflement—he headed for the liquor cabinet.
And that was all Alphonse needed to snap.
Edward was already pouring some liquor in his favorite tumbler when Alphonse stomped his way. "The hell you're going to drink!" Alphonse snatched the glass from Edward's hand and threw it against the wall. But the rampage had just begun. One by one, every bottle inside the liquor cabinet ended getting smashed against the floor. It didn't take long for the pungent mix to spread throughout the study. After all the liquor got thrashed, Alphonse moved up to the glasses. His rampage ended the moment he tipped over the cabinet itself.
Glassy-eyed and panting, Alphonse glanced at his older brother.
Edward was staring at him, wide-eyed as if he had seen the devil himself. Then, his face twisted to a deep, dark glower. "Are you done?" He laughed sarcastically. "Is there something else you want to break?"
Edward's mocking words rekindled Alphonse's rage. He approached Edward and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "Beating the crap out of you isn't going to compensate for what you did to Winry," Alphonse growled to Edward's face before letting go of his shirt. He then walked to the couch and plopped down. Fatigue finally setting into his bones.
Edward didn't move from his spot.
They both fell silent.
Alphonse appreciated the moment of stillness as it gave him time to calm down and collect his thoughts.
What a fool he'd been thinking he could remain calm when talking to Edward especially after what he did to their poor friend. Now that he thought about it, one good punch would've been far less messy.
Alphonse returned his attention to his brother when he heard glass clinking together. Edward was crouching next to the biggest pile of broken glass assessing the damage. His expression was filled with guilt—maybe it was disappointment. Either way, Edward's expression was powerful enough to make him feel a pang of regret.
"I didn't think you would do something so colossally stupid," Alphonse sighed.
Edward stopped what he was doing. "You know why I did it," he said while meeting Alphonse's gaze.
"She didn't deserve that!" Alphonse bit off in exasperation. He was starting to lose control so he drew a deep breath to calm down. After he regained his composure, he said, "She's not going to die, Ed. Don't you get it?"
"No. You're the one that doesn't get it," Edward snapped as he returned to a standing position. His despondent expression was replaced with red-hot anger. "Everything! Everything Truth showed us has come true!" he roared.
"The uranium bomb hasn't happened," Alphonse retorted.
"Hasn't happened YET!" Edward spat. "We fucking failed securing the uranium bomb." He snorted disdain. "Now we have Einstein; Fermi, along with Oppenheimer; all racing to replicate that nightmarish device(1)." He paused. "Why can't earthlings be more like Wilhelm Reich(2)?" He balled his hands into fists. "Fuck!" he bellowed, his body jerking from the intense emotion coursing through his body.
"Edward, stop!" Alphonse yelled. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows(3)," he said in a calmer voice.
Edward's upper lip curled in disgust. "Spare me the flowery shit, Al. I'm not a damn pansy."
Alphonse blinked in surprise, then his lips thinned to a hard line, and his eyes narrowed. "You're an asshole," he spat.
Edward pointed a warning finger at him. "Careful with how you speak to me."
Alphonse scoffed contemptuously at him, leaving Edward at a loss for words.
"It'll be easier this way," Edward said, casting his gaze down. "Winry doesn't need any attachments to this world."
"Are we projecting(4)?" Alphonse sneered.
Edward flashed him a warning glare. Alphonse met his glare with one of his own and threw in a sarcastic laugh.
"What makes you think Winry would be attached to this world?" he said when he calmed down. "Winry's engaged, Edward. She moved on. She let us go...as we let go of her."
Edward's eyes widened and then narrowed. He opened his mouth to say something but he clasped it shut. His shoulders sagged, so did his head.
Alphonse felt that familiar pang of guilt prickling his heart. "Look," he began. "Winry is probably furious at you but she's not the type to hold grudges. I'm sure she'll forgive you if you straighten things out with her."
Edward reluctantly looked up, said nothing.
Alphonse snorted in frustration. A few beats later, he stood up and marched out of the room.
Edward didn't stop him.
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Earth, February 1st, 1940 A.D — Winry's Room
Winry ran her fingers across the glass in the picture frame. The surface was smooth and shiny with no marks of impurities, a fine glass indeed. The frame itself, while a tad gaudy, was stylish in its own way. The combination only helped to exalt the subjects contained in the photograph: Edward and Wendy. Their sacred union made Winry want to smash the picture frame against the floor. But falling prey to base emotions was childish.
While Edward had earned her disrespect, her counterpart hadn't. At face value, Wendy Rockwell seemed like a decent human being; more importantly, Wendy wasn't around to defend herself against any accusations she could throw at her.
Winry left Wendy alone to concentrate her gaze on Edward. The photo captured his youth in a way she couldn't tell his exact age. In her opinion, Edward's appearance was exactly the same she'd seen during the battle in the Underground City. Edward was even wearing the same stupid look, the one he'd offered her when their eyes met in the heat of battle. His smile, like in the photograph, reminded her of caramel that had been left boiling in a pot for too long.
There was a knock on the door; the sudden interruption startled her. Another knock. Winry looked at the time on the radio. Seven thirty. She chuckled darkly. Nurse Williams never missed her mark.
"Come in," she said as she hid the picture frame under the covers.
After struggling with the doorknob, Nurse Williams entered the room by pushing the door open with her right shoulder. It was a hard maneuver since she was not only bringing her morning tea, she was also bringing her breakfast.
"Good morning, Miss Winry," the nurse said as she made her way across the room.
Winry offered the woman a tight smile in return.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Nurse Williams followed while she set the heavy tray on the table.
"I'm feeling well," Winry replied. "Thanks for asking," she added while the nurse drew the curtains open.
Nurse Williams glanced over her shoulder. "A good cup of tea will make things even better."
Winry scoffed. Tea couldn't possibly change what happened the night before. Her lips curled in disgust as she stared at the contents on the tray. "You won't mind if I have breakfast later?"
Nurse Williams didn't answer the question right away. Winry caught her fiddling with the curtains as if she wanted to make sure each panel was perfectly pleated before being secured to the holdbacks. Once finished, Nurse Williams turned around, and said, "As you wish, Miss Winry." She walked up to the table and picked up the tray, and left the room without saying another word.
Winry stared at the closed door. Nurse Williams took pride in her duties; she couldn't blame the woman from being frustrated with her. Hopefully, and for Nurse Williams peace of mind, she won't have to tend to her for much longer.
A few minutes passed by before Winry pulled out the picture frame from under the covers. Her eyes saddened once more as she contemplated the newlyweds.
Edward and Wendy looked happy, though Wendy showed this far better than Edward. Winry's stare lingered on Edward. "Ed..." she whispered. "I was only your mechanic, wasn't I?" She shifted her gaze to her counterpart. Except for having short hair, Wendy looked like a long, lost twin.
Was it their uncanny resemblance what attracted Edward to Wendy? Winry shook her head. No, that couldn't be it. Her double must be quite something for Edward to have chosen to stay on Earth.
Tears began lining her eyelids. They soon spilled over and ran down her cheeks. "Dammit—!" She cursed as she wiped her eyes dry with the back of her hand.
Winry's gaze fell back to the photograph. She couldn't shake the feeling that the Edward in the photo—with his stupid smile and half-apologetic look—was mocking her.
Winry's eyes narrowed to contemptuous slits. "You stupid jerk! I loved you!" She curled forward and started to sob. "Why couldn't you love me?" Her sobs built up until she was hiccuping breaths.
Scieska told her once that she and Edward were star-crossed lovers. While Scieska had meant well, her words cut deep into her aching heart. Winry found herself crying her loss with the same intensity as she did back then. And she cried until she could cry no more.
It was well after the tears had dried on her cheeks that Winry regained her composure. The picture frame slid to the side as Winry straightened up. She rested her back against the headboard. Her red-rimmed eyes stared sightlessly at the far wall. All that crying left her emotionally exhausted, but it also helped clear her head.
There was no doubt in her mind that she had become obsolete. Those who'd claimed to love her, abandoned her, simply because she'd served her purpose. Winry fiddled with the diamond crowing her ring. She raised her hand to eye level and contemplated it. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips. She wasn't obsolete, not by a long shot. She was loved; the stunning ring adorning her hand was proof of this. Winry took in a deep breath and expelled it slowly. She mattered, reminded herself. She mattered to those who were waiting for her back in Amestris. And it would be a shame to keep them waiting much longer.
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Late Morning
A gentle rasp on the door broke through the silence in the room, startling Winry. Her brow furrowed. Far too many intrusions have happened since the sun rose up in the horizon.
"Winry...it's us."
The furrow in her brow deepened.
Another knock, louder than the one before.
"Winry—" Alphonse stopped short. "It's important."
Winry inhaled deeply. She hid the picture frame under the covers. "Come in," she said dryly.
Alphonse walked in first with Edward following closely behind— yesterday's encore.
Hurt and resentment bubbled to the surface; coaxing, encouraging Winry to take a stand for herself. And so she did.
Winry fixed a glare on Edward, then said, "I want to go back home."
"Winry..." Alphonse breathed, the disappointment in his voice was unmistakable. Edward, on the other hand, looked relieved by the answer.
But for Winry, this translated as another stab to the heart. She tried to not look hurt, but Alphonse caught on.
As Alphonse approached, Winry turned her glare on him. "I can fight my own battles," she said in a dryer yet level voice. Alphonse's mouth parted in surprise, but Winry didn't care. She returned her attention back to Edward. "I want to return to Amestris as soon as possible," she insisted.
Maybe it had been the sheer tone of disdain in her voice, maybe it was the sheer intensity of her glare; she wasn't expecting Edward drop his mask of cold indifference so quickly.
"It's not that simple," Alphonse intruded.
Winry glanced at Alphonse. "Why? What's wrong?"
Alphonse glanced down when their gazes met. A moment later, he said, "The experiment didn't require the use of alchemy."
Winry paled. The weight of Alphonse's statement made her think of her life in Amestris. What would happen to her clients, who depended on her? What about her dear friends—what about Russell? "I'm stuck here?" she mumbled, dismayed, realizing the seriousness of the situation.
Alphonse looked up. "We don't know for sure, Winry, though we have strong reasons to believe the experiment can be replicated with no foreseeable problems."
At that, Edward was unable to contain a scoff. Both Winry and Alphonse flashed angry eyes at him, making Edward's flippant attitude waver under their scrutiny.
"You can't possibly crossover in your current condition," he said to avoid further humiliation.
Winry glared at Edward a little longer, then said, "I didn't think you'd care."
Edward gave no response, he simply snorted his derision.
Winry's eyes narrowed, and her lips curled into a sneer. "You're right, Edward. I do need to work on regaining my strength." She paused. "It would break my fiancée's heart to see me in this condition."
Edward's brow lifted in surprise. "How sweet," he said with remarkable sarcasm.
A fierce surge of anger swept over Winry; Edward just plucked the remaining vestige of patience she had in her body. Winry pulled the covers away, and while gripping the picture frame tightly in her hand, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. Her legs shook a little, but she managed to keep herself from crumpling to the floor.
Alphonse gasped; Edward blanched. The younger of the two rushed to help. Unfortunately, Winry shot him such menacing glare that he stopped dead in his tracks. Then, Winry turned her anger on Edward.
"You!" Winry took a wobbly step forward. "You've been treating me like I'm some type of nuisance ever since I woke up." Winry took another step forward, then another. Six steps later, she stood in front of Edward. Winry kept her glare fixed on him as she shoved the picture frame into his chest. "For your information, my fiancée is a great man—a far better man than you'll ever be!"
Edward went from stunned to horrified in the blink of an eye. Winry would've revel in her victory she hadn't felt suddenly weak. Confronting Edward had left her completely drained. Her legs shook. Winry tried to lean against the closest table, but it was too late. Her legs buckled under her and she went down.
Edward remained frozen in place so Alphonse rushed to Winry's side. He tried to help Winry get back up, but she swatted his hand away.
"Don't you dare help me! Don't pretend you care!" Winry screamed at him.
Alphonse's face drained of color.
Winry was unable to stop the bitter words from slipping past her lips. "You were not there when I needed you the most," she spat. "You abandoned me"—she gazed at Edward—"you both did!" Winry's eyes began to glisten with tears. "I just want to go home—" she said before her voice broke on a sob.
An awkward silence followed. After a long pause, Winry gazed up at Edward. His fingers tightened around the picture frame.
Edward opened his mouth to speak, then stopped and shook his head, as if to himself. A moment later, he exited the room, shutting the door behind him with a resounding click.
Alphonse let out a long sigh. He turned to Winry, his face saddened. "I'll have Nurse Williams come to help you," he said, then left the room.
Winry covered her face with her hands and wept.
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Edward's Study
"You got what you wanted, Brother!" Alphonse yelled as he entered the study. "In fact, you did such a spectacular job that not only Winry hates you, but she also hates me as well!" His gaze traveled to the liquor cabinet forgetting that space had remained empty ever since the day he decided to thrash the damn thing into pieces.
Alphonse tried to block out that memory as it had been quite unsavory. He much preferred to concentrate on locating his older brother. Edward usually retracted to the study whenever he was in a terrible mood (which was, pretty much, all of the time) so he should be around.
Alphonse thought he heard faint shuffling coming from the back of the room where the majority of the bookshelves were stacked in rows. He stomped his way across the room. As he rounded the first bookshelf, he saw Edward sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and hunching over the thick book he was reading. Edward looked up for a second then returned his attention to the book on his lap. Alphonse growled in frustration.
"How is she?" Edward asked as he flipped a page.
Alphonse caught sight of a complex schematic in one of the pages. He immediately recognized the book as being part of Wendy's personal collection. He returned his attention to Edward, and said, "Nurse Williams helped Winry to her bed. She also gave her a mild sedative."
Edward hummed in acknowledgment, turned another page.
Alphonse sucked in a breath and told himself to remain calm. It was common for his brother to escape life's problems by immersing himself in something. At least this time around he chose to stick his nose in books instead of hitting the bottle. It could've been worse, he reminded himself, as Edward also had a habit of consuming narcotics when he wasn't in need of them. Just remembering Edward's darker vices was enough to make him shudder. Alphonse tried not to focus on his brother's issues, but on what really mattered: taking responsibility for their past actions.
"She's right, you know," Alphonse admitted this much because he had to start somewhere.
Edward tried his best to turn a deaf ear but failed miserably at it. Edward's shoulders had tensed considerably when he'd spoken the truth. Alphonse took the rare opportunity to his advantage. "We abandoned her, Ed," he pressed on. But hearing himself admit to their wrongdoings backfired. A wave of guilt passed through his body, making him feel worse than he already felt. "At least I did," he mumbled before falling silent.
"It's too late for regrets."
Alphonse blinked. He returned his attention to his brother whose face was undoubtedly mirroring his own. Edward's face then darkened, as it always did when the subject of staying on Earth was mentioned.
"There's no point in telling her," Edward said several beats later.
Alphonse closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. No one understood Edward's reasoning as well as him, but he also understood that his brother's way of thinking was flawed. All this repression would certainly bring more misery to everyone involved.
Alphonse opened his eyes, drew a sharp breath, and forced confidence in his tone. "No point?" he scoffed, shook his head. "Dammit, Ed! Hasn't Winry hurt long enough? Haven't you hurt long enough?"
Edward considered his brother's words for a moment, then said, "It's better this way."
Alphonse made a sound deep in his throat that could have been interpreted as a snort or a laugh. "Do you think you can fool me so easily? That abnegation of yours stinks of cowardice."
Edward scowled at him belligerently yet said nothing in his defense.
Alphonse scowled back. "Winry needs to hear the truth so she can finally move on, Ed. If she doesn't, she'll end up just like—" Alphonse felt another pinprick of guilt. He glanced at Edward, who was staring back at him in abject misery; and that made him feel even worse. A moment later, Alphonse turned on his heel and marched from the room without saying another word.
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Earth, February 2nd, 1940 A.D — Winry's Room
Alphonse stared at the door leading to Winry's room. His hand was raised and ready to knock, yet he couldn't go through with it. He lowered the hand and turned away from the door only to stop, turn back around, and stand in front of it once more. A couple of minutes had already passed by like this.
Alphonse wasn't the type of man who usually doubted himself. He hated admitting to it, but his brother wasn't the only one not thinking straight. While Edward was being consumed by regret, his poison was deep-rooted guilt.
There had been a time, shortly after leaving Amestris, that he began dreaming about Winry. In those haunting dreams, Winry got into all sorts of trouble. Sometimes Winry suffered horrible accidents at work while other times she ended up being the victim of brutal acts of violence. The absurd nature of these dreams did make it easy for him to cast them aside. As Freud would say, they were nothing more than vestiges a neurotic imagination. Dreams about direct confrontation were the ones that left him perturbed for days. In those dreams, Winry didn't hold anything back. A look of utter disdain would contort her pretty features just as she was about to pass judgment. The Winry in his dreams loved to point out his failure as a friend and as a family in the cruelest of ways. If Sigmund Freud would be present, he would tell him that his dreams had prepared him for the real thing. But even Freud must know that dreams can't compare to reality. And Winry's resentment had been far more disturbing than he'd expected.
Before disaster struck, he had high hopes that things would turn out for the better. But when does something go right for an Elric? Alphonse shook his head. Wallowing in misery wasn't going to mend things with Winry. His thoughts then drifted to his brother. If only he'd kept Edward in-check, he wouldn't be fidgeting like a little boy in front of Winry's room.
Being Edward's keeper had never been an easy task for him, now that Winry was back in their lives, this made his job even harder. Alphonse's mouth set in a grim line. He wasn't sure he had the strength to carry this burden any longer— His jaw twitched worryingly. He would cross that bridge when he comes to it.
Mavis told him earlier that Edward locked himself up after having breakfast. If he remembered correctly, he'd seen Wendy's journal sitting in the pile of books Edward had been reading. And if Wendy's old journal was out, so was Edward's. His brother's annotations and formulas regarding zero-point convergence came to mind. Wendy might've conquered teleportation but she wouldn't have done it without his brother's efforts. Alphonse glanced at the closed door one last time before taking a step in the direction of Edward's study. He stopped. With the way things were going, there was a high possibility of getting in another fight with his brother. If that happened, he would be too emotionally exhausted to talk with Winry afterward. Apologizing to Winry took precedence over everything else.
Alphonse faced the door. He drew in a deep breath, then raised his hand and knocked on the door. "Winry, can I come in?" he said and waited for an answer. When she didn't, he added, "It's just me." Another beat passed by before Winry spoke.
"Come in," she said in a too-calm voice.
Alphonse's eyes widened with panic. Did Winry hear him pacing outside the door? He tried not to think about it, for if he did, a nice blush would certainly cover his face. Alphonse cleared his throat then opened the door. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he entered.
Winry held his gaze for a second, then said, "I'm doing okay."
Alphonse nodded in acknowledgment. He felt his cheeks getting hot, so he walked toward the window, that way Winry would not see. A few beats passed by in silence before he spoke again. "Mind if I sit?" he said once he'd calmed down.
"Of course not," Winry said. The amused expression in her face told Alphonse she knew he'd been blushing.
Alphonse ignored her suppressed giggles and moved a chair next to the bed. He sat. Winry giggled openly, but other than that, she kept to herself.
It became painfully obvious to Alphonse that neither of them could find a way to start a conversation.
After a while, Winry scooted closer to him. She took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently as she smiled. A furious blush rose from his neck, which in no time reached his hairline; a most unsuitable thing to happen to a man his age.
"Al—" Winry stopped short. Alphonse could see a conflict of emotions in her blue eyes. "I'm sorry for what I said yesterday," she said. "I was way out of line and"—her voice broke—"that's not me."
A rueful grin crossed over Alphonse's lips. "You don't have to apologize, Winry." He paused, looked away. "I'm the one who should be apologizing." He glanced back to Winry. "I followed Ed knowing fully well how it was going to hurt you." He then swallowed tightly, as if he had something stuck in his throat. "I had the nerve to abandon you, Winry after you poured your heart and soul into helping me find my place in a world without my brother."
"Al..." Winry said in a low voice. "I understand, I always have...and always will."
Alphonse chuckled wryly. Winry would say something like that—how could he have forgotten this? "Like the night we burnt our house down," he mentioned.
Winry's eyes rounded, and she gasped in astonishment. "We never talked about October third after Rose brought you home. Did you—?"
Alphonse nodded. "I remember everything. It happened right after I crossed into this world."
Winry brought her hands to her lips. "That's great!" Her voice broke with emotion.
"Yes, yes it is," Alphonse replied rather bashfully.
Winry rested her hands on her lap. "How old are you now?"
"I'm twenty-eight. Today is February the second of the year 1940."
Winry's face went back to neutral. Alphonse knew why. Winry was thinking about Edward's birthday, which was coincidentally the following day.
Winry blinked then settled her gaze back on Alphonse. "Shouldn't you be thirty-four if this is the year 1940?"
Alphonse smiled at her. "Technically you're right, Winry. I should be turning thirty-four, well, thirty-nine if my body had aged accordingly while it was inside the Gate of Truth, but Earth's timeline is six years ahead of ours—" Alphonse stopped mid-sentence. He blinked a few times, then said, "What year is it back home?"
"It's 1919 according to the Continental Calendar," Winry replied.
"Its only been two years for you..." Alphonse trailed off.
Winry lowered her gaze. "And seventeen for you."
Silence fell upon them. Alphonse looked at Winry, unsure of how to proceed. The frown etched on her face told him she was just realizing how stark things are.
If one thing Alphonse learned from his foolish older brother was that keeping things from Winry wasn't going to help anyone.
"Winry..." He waited to have her full attention before continuing. "Ed and I have lived pretty much half of our lives on Earth." He drew a sharp breath. "Half of our lives is—"
"A whole lifetime," Winry cut in, her voice shaking with restrained emotion.
Alphonse grimaced.
They both fell back into silence.
Winry started to cry softly. Alphonse hated sitting in place but he knew his dear friend needed this moment for herself.
"Can I ask you something?" Winry said after a long pause.
Alphonse offered her his handkerchief, which Winry took gratefully. He waited for Winry to wipe her nose dry.
While he was grateful to Winry for resuming the conversation, he dreaded where she could be taking it.
It goes without saying that Winry had questions, many questions: about Earth, about how she ended there; but he knew Winry's main concerns lied in his brother. Even when part of his memories was still trapped inside the Gate of Truth, he knew that Winry had always been in love with Edward. That sentiment might've changed at some point, seeing that Winry was engaged to someone, but after yesterday's encounter, he wasn't so sure anymore.
"Depends," he said as a mischievous smile curled the corners of his lips.
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Edward's Study
Edward growled the moment he realized he read the same sentence again. He closed the book, pushed it aside; leaned back his the chair.
He glanced around the room and frowned. The silence surrounding him started to unnerve him.
He took out his pocket watch; the short hand was nearing two o'clock. He returned the watch to his vest pocket. Half day had already gone by. Half day and no Alphonse in sight. He sighed.
Edward wasn't blaming his brother. The poor guy took on an onerous task when he decided to follow him to Earth. He paused on that thought. All things considered, he'd been a colossal mess ever since Wendy and Winry switched places. The last time he'd been this insufferable was when he stopped all efforts in finding a way back to Amestris.
Edward's eyes narrowed. He was picking things up where he left off. The irony of the situation would make the most laudable optimist roll on the floor laughing cynically.
Edward returned his attention to the pile of books he'd stacked on his desk. He let out a frustrated huff of breath. The content written in half of those books had been updated to reflect new advances in the field. In his head that translated to having Wendy decipher things for him, an impossible feat seeing that she wasn't even in this world, to begin with. This left Alphonse as his "go-to" person. "And the damn brat decides to go missing," Edward sighed again.
Alphonse wasn't the type of person that held grudges. His brother was probably busy with something and he would stop by later. That's why he made sure to tell the staff of his whereabouts, and while he didn't give a direct order to relay any message, he hoped someone in that house had enough common sense to tell his little brother what he'd been up to since daybreak.
Edward reluctantly picked the book he'd been reading for the past hour and opened it to the bookmarked page. He began reading, but as soon as he got four sentences in, he stopped. Nothing stuck to his brain; most likely this wasn't going to happen until he had Alphonse by his side. Edward closed the book and tossed it back in the book pile. Then, he started drumming his metallic fingers on the desk. The usual clack was muffled by the synthetic rubber covering his automail. He couldn't just use gloves with so many eyes watching his every move.
No one could know about his advanced prosthetics—with the exception of a select few back at Virginia Tech, and of course, his family. Edward stopped the drumming. He shifted in his chair until he found a comfortable position. Some meager beats passed by before he shifted in his chair again. He grumbled to himself. He looked at the spot where the liquor cabinet once stood and grumbled some more. He probably wouldn't be on edge if he had a few drinks in his system. But a promise is a promise and he wasn't going to risk letting Alphonse down anymore.
Edward steered his thoughts away from temptation. He stood up. Deciding that if Alphonse wasn't coming to him, he would go to him. But where could his idiotic brother be? The answer came to him right after he asked himself the question. Alphonse was with Winry—how didn't this occur to him before?
"But if Al is with Winry—" Edward shuddered. He was certain he was the last person Winry would want to see at the moment. It was just as Alphonse had said to him: he got what he wished for. The only consolation in all this was that Winry decided to move forward without them. The idea made his heart sink in his chest. Edward frowned, he didn't have a right to feel this way. Winry deserves a bright future, he reminded himself. Edward drew in a deep breath. "No more acting like a coward," he said aloud, remembering Alphonse's last words to him before storming out of the study the day before.
If Alphonse was with Winry, then so be it. He needed to apologize to both of them anyway for being such a heartless prick.
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Winry's Room
Edward heard Alphonse's voice as he approached Winry's room. The rise in his brother's pitch denoted he was having a vivid conversation. Winry's laughter cut through, making Edward's heart flutter. His stride relaxed, his shoulders eased, and a soft smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Winry's laughter always had a way of soothing his frayed soul. The last time he heard Winry laugh in such carefree manner was when he last visited Resembool. At the time, he and Alphonse were bound for Liore—to find Scar and the Philosopher's Stone. He left with Winry an unspoken promise that he would one day return to her side.
The pace of the conversation suddenly changed. Winry's laughter quieted down and Alphonse's voice was but a whisper. Then there was silence.
Edward pussyfooted the rest of the way as he didn't want to alert them of his presence on the other side of the door. He debated about entering the room right away since there was no way Winry was going to offer him the same sympathy she offered his brother. Winry most likely would reject him, something he rightfully deserved given the horrible treatment he'd given her since she woke up from her coma. He wasn't scared about the repercussions of his actions, he was trying to protect all that Alphonse managed to repair. Edward considered turning around and retreating to his study, but then curiosity struck.
All caution went out the window when he heard Winry say, "Fine then...so can you tell me?"
"And I already told you, depends on the question."
Alphonse's response made him worry. He hadn't been imagining things. The conversation had indeed changed its tone, and the ensuing silence was unnerving.
A few beats later, Alphonse let out a loud sigh, the intensity of which brought Edward back to the moment.
"Okay, fine," Alphonse groaned. The snappish tone told Edward that Winry had been insisting for a while. "There were powerful reasons why Ed chose Earth over Amestris."
Edward's shoulders tensed and the muscles around the automail port started to ache. He should be the one telling this story, not his brother. But he had to go burning bridges— Fuck!
"And no, it wasn't because of Wendy. He met her later in life," Alphonse said shortly after.
Edward sucked a breath through clenched teeth. They've been talking about him—of course, they've been talking about him. Edward could only hope that Alphonse would leave the details to him.
"That's all I can tell you, Win."
Edward blew out his breath and silently thanked his brother for his prudence regarding the subject.
After a brief period of silence, Winry said, "What about you? Is there a Mrs. Von Elric in your life?"
Alphonse barked a laugh upon hearing the question. A moment passed before Winry pressed on.
"C'mon Al! You can tell me!"
Edward's eyebrows raised in amusement. As the years went by, he'd learned that his little brother valued privacy more than anything else. Alphonse's personal life was a mystery, even to him. He doubted that Alphonse would break this vow of silence simply because Winry was whining about it.
And the silence stretching in the room was proving him right.
But then, Alphonse spoke.
"Win, it's complicated," he said.
Edward managed to catch what Alphonse said but only because he'd gotten closer to the door.
"Complicated?" Winry repeated.
Edward could see it clearly: Winry just raised an eyebrow at Alphonse; and Alphonse—most likely—responded by blinking at her, like a spooked owl. Edward smiled. He would've given anything to see this happening, but given the situation, he had to be satisfied with a chuckle—a suppressed one at that.
"Yes, complicated," Alphonse stressed.
Edward chuckled some more. Alphonse started evading the subject; however, this changed with the next set of words coming out of his mouth.
"Please don't make me spell it out for you."
It was Edward's turn to blink like an owl. He couldn't help but wonder what Alphonse meant by that.
For better or for worse, Winry provided the means for the answer.
"Oh...oh!" Winry cried out as if she were actually Petunia Lancaster: the senior manager, and renowned gossiper at the university's cafeteria.
Alphonse nervous laugh drove the final nail in the coffin.
Edward's mouth dropped open. Alphonse was...was—
"Does Ed know?" Winry's question broke through his shock and brought him back into the moment.
"No, he doesn't." Alphonse paused. "He's...well you seen it."
Edward found himself gulping like a fish out of water. He couldn't believe anything was hearing. Wasn't he his brother's best friend and confidant?
"Al..." Edward ran a hand through his long fringe, wondering if he'd been that out of touch with the world around him. He shook his head, already knowing the answer.
First, Wendy; then Winry; and now Alphonse. Will he ever get things right?
A recent memory tugged at the back of Edward's mind. In the last couple of days, he and Alphonse hadn't seen eye to eye regarding Winry. His brother, despite his nonsensical tirade, did try to comfort him. And what did he do? He rewarded Alphonse's good intentions by spitting hateful words. What was it? He called Alphonse a pansy—a pansy, for Christ sake! And then he had the gall to get angry when Alphonse snapped back at him.
"I'm sorry, Al..." Edward's hands clenched into fists at his side; his stomach twisted in self-loathing.
"Can I ask you something else?" Winry said, snapping Edward out of his current guilt trip.
"Sure," Alphonse answered.
"What can you tell me about these Earth counterparts?"
"They're called earthlings, Win," Alphonse chuckled. "And, yes, I can tell you a few things about friendly faces I've encountered on this side of the Gate."
Edward's body tensed.
"Let's see...," Alphonse continued. "There's Mr. Hughes and Mrs. Gracia...Captain Hawkeye and Lieutenant Havoc—" he stopped short.
Edward could imagine the reason why.
"I'll tell you about The Havoc at a later time," Alphonse added, confirming what Edward suspected.
There was another pause, longer than the one before.
Edward wasn't surprised at all. The list of familiar faces was long and ever growing.
"Rose—her name is Noa, and she's a Roma," Alphonse said a moment later.
"What about your double, or Edward's?" Winry asked.
Edward stifled a gasp of dismay; his eyebrows furrowed. He was afraid of this happening; and so did Alphonse since the question stayed unanswered.
Shortly after, Winry said, "I'm sorry, Al. I shouldn't have asked."
"No, it's okay," Alphonse exhaled.
There was another pause; Edward could relate. It was hard to talk about the other Alphons.
"His name was Alphons Heidrich," Alphonse said, picking up where he left off. "Noah...she explained to us that he got shot by an enemy right after Edward highjacked the ship he used to get back to Amestris." He paused again; gulped. "I never met him—alive, that is." This time, Alphonse cleared his throat. "My double was Edward's roommate for the first two years he was stranded on Earth. Ed said Alphons was a good friend...he was the reason why Ed could tolerate living in this world." Another pause. "Ed suffered his death immensely." Alphonse fell silent for a brief moment, then said, "Knowing my double had that power over my brother...it made me jealous. I bet you can relate."
Edward stared vacantly at the door. Alphonse was two-for-two so far. What else didn't he know about his little brother beside finding out he was jealous Alphons, and that he was— He didn't want to know. He already felt like a shoddy older brother as it is.
"Ed once said to me that he met his double," Alphonse continued. "He didn't go into details about the encounter, but there was profound guilt in his eyes when he spoke about him." Alphonse paused a moment before adding, "I can imagine what could've happened."
Edward's stomach soured with self-disgust. He hadn't thought about his double in years. He closed his eyes and whispered words of forgiveness, hoping that somehow they would reach this world's Edward.
"What about little Elysia?" Winry asked.
Edward was grateful for the change in subject.
"What about her?" Alphonse replied with a question of his own.
"You know, Mr. Hughes and Gracia," Winry hinted.
Alphonse chuckled to himself, then said, "The last thing I know is that they were thinking of adopting a child."
"They can't have kids?" Winry cried out in disbelief.
"Nope, I'm afraid not."
When Edward found out about this, he couldn't believe it either.
"Winry..." The tone Alphonse used made Edward raise his eyebrows askance.
"Ed might've said that Amestris and Earth are like twins, but that's not entirely correct. There are nuances between both worlds."
"So Wendy isn't exactly like me," Winry joked.
"Actually, you two are very much alike." Alphonse chuckled.
Edward could barely suppress a groan.
"What can you tell me about her?"
Alphonse didn't answer right away. Edward knew his brother was choosing his words carefully. Alphonse would give Winry enough information to satisfy her curiosity—at least he hoped this to be the case seeing he didn't know his little brother as well as he thought he did.
"Wendy belongs to a rich and powerful family: the Rockwell's," Alphonse finally said. "Her family has influenced the history of America since colonial times."
Winry's silence was a dead giveaway that Alphonse had been too generic about his answer.
"America is the country we live in, and this whole region is known as the state of Virginia," Alphonse went on to explain.
"What about Great Britain?" Winry asked in turn.
Edward smiled, impressed by her attention to detail.
"That's a different country," Alphonse guffawed. "By the way, people around here think you're from Britain. The Amestrian accent is similar to the British accent."
Edward nodded in agreement.
"So how did Ed meet Wendy if she's from America and you two lived in Great Britain?"
Edward pinched his eyebrows together in worry. If given the opportunity, Winry would overreach.
"That's an excellent observation, Winry," Alphonse replied.
Good try, Al, Edward thought. The tongue-in-cheek approach wasn't going to work on Winry. And sudden silence was proving him right. Most likely Winry was shooting daggers at Alphonse, in fact, he was so sure of this that he could put money on it and win.
"Winry, I already told you that I wasn't going to go into details about their lives. Just ask Ed what you want to know," Alphonse grumbled in obvious exasperation.
Edward closed his eyes and shook his head. He sure hoped he could dodge that bullet altogether.
"I guess I can tell you about the various passageways between this world and ours," Alphonse offered.
What? Edward's eyes flew open.
Alphonse cleared his throat. "You were right about Great Britain but you also were wrong. There is a passageway that connects Great Britain to the Underground City in Central. This was how Ed ended up on Earth the first time around. Then there was the aerial assault on Central—you were there, so I'll spare you the details." Alphonse paused for breath. "After I stowed away in the enemy's ship, I found out that we arrived in a place called Germany. Germany is a country located many clicks away from Great Britain."
Edward assumed, given Alphonse's pause, that his brother was giving Winry time to process the information he'd offered her.
Not long after, Alphonse continued.
"At the time, Edward had been residing in Germany—his roommate being Alphonse Heidrich. Coincidentally, Germany was Alphons' homeland." Alphonse cleared his throat. "After Alphons' death, Ed and I traveled across Germany with Noah, who you now know is Rose's double on Earth." A pause. "As fate would have it, we parted ways with Noah. Eventually, we made Berlin—Germany's capital—our new home. Edward wanted to have some stability in our lives so he decided to enroll at the university to continue with his studies in Astrophysics while I went to preparatory school."
Edward's shoulders sagged in relief. Alphonse left out important information—not that it mattered since they blew their covers years ago. But telling Winry that they posed as students so they could track down a weapon of mass destruction would make things worse than they already were.
"Winry..."
The was something about the way Alphonse spoke her name that caught Edward's attention.
"I know Brother must seem like a stranger to you, but Earth—" Alphonse's voice broke.
No, Al... Edward sucked in a breath and told himself to remain calm or risk being discovered.
"Earth has been hard on him." Alphonse's voice had sounded deeply affected, so it wasn't surprising that he ended clearing his throat. "You don't know how hard it's been for me watching Ed's downward spiral to depression." He sighed miserably. "And his coping mechanisms leaves much to be desired."
Edward winced. Each of Alphonse's words felt like sharp, daggers stabbing into his chest.
"He was...depressed?" Winry asked, her voice low and full of concern.
"To the point of despair," Alphonse answered. He drew in a sharp breath, and added, "Winry, Ed did everything in his power to find a way back home."
Staying to listen to their conversation had been a bad idea. Alphonse didn't know how his words had summoned every failure and every regret he had gathered over the years. Edward shuddered in revulsion of the person he'd become.
"Al, did Wendy help Ed get better?" Winry said in a low voice.
No, she didn't. Edward wanted to say to her but he couldn't find the courage to open the door.
"Winry...I don't know how to answer that," Alphonse said in his stead.
"I get why Ed did what he did the other day," Winry said. Then, after a few beats had passed by, she added, "He must hate me."
Edward's breath caught in his throat. Winry's words sent chills down into the very depths of his soul.
"What—No, Winry, that's not true!" Alphonse panicked.
"It's okay, Al. It's because of me that he lost his wife."
"No, that's not true..." Edward mumbled to himself, repeating what his brother just said.
What Wendy did wasn't Winry's fault, it wasn't even Wendy's fault, to begin with. It was his. Everything that had happened so far would've never come to fruition if he'd loved Wendy the way she deserved.
"Winry..." Edward whispered, his voice breaking. You were supposed to hate me, not the other way around.
"Listen to me, Winry. You got it all wrong. Ed doesn't hate you, in fact, he—"
Edward gritted his teeth and willed his self-loathing away. And opened the door.
Winry's eyes widened; a startled Alphonse turned to see who dare intrude in their conversation.
"I finally found you!" Edward cried out as he entered the room. He took quick note of Winry's paling face and Alphonse's panicked expression as they stared back at him. "I've should've known you were with Winry."
"Were you listening in?" Alphonse spat.
Edward glanced at his brother. Alphonse's expression had changed to an admonishing look. He approached his brother, and smacked him in the shoulder, hard, making him yelp involuntarily. "Not my style, little brother," Edward said, lying through his teeth.
Alphonse shot him a fulminating look. Edward knew his brother was ready to take the offensive so he blocked him.
He turned to Winry and said, "How are you doing Win?" His measured voice brought both Alphonse and Winry to a state of shock.
"I—I'm fine," Winry stuttered.
"Glad to hear it." Edward smiled tenderly.
This simple gesture made Winry's cheeks burn, which, in turn, made his heart flutter.
Edward had to tear his eyes away from Winry, fearing that if he gazed at her a little longer, he would end up giving up the secrets safeguarded by his heart.
Edward returned his attention to Alphonse who was still shooting daggers at him. "Al, I need your help with something," he said, ignoring how Alphonse's brows arched in incredulous defiance.
Edward's eyes swept back to Winry. "I hope you don't mind if I take him with me for a little while."
Winry simply nodded her head in response. But was something in the way Winry looked at him—so wistful and sad–that stirred up the guilt inside of him.
Suddenly, he wanted to reach out to her, take her in his arms and soothe this hurt he'd created. He wanted to take away her pain, kiss away her tears, and— "Winry, would you like to take a walk around the garden with me this evening—? That is if you feel strong enough for it."
Winry's eyes widened and her cheeks suffused to a rosy pink. "Of course," she said with a bright smile to match.
Edward couldn't help but grin at her, for her words and her gestures had spoken directly to his soul.
Alphonse, who had been a silent witness to this brief exchange, stood up. He offered Edward a stern look as he said, "Lead the way, Ed."
Edward glanced one more time at Winry then started for the door.
Alphonse was angry, and rightly so, but Winry didn't need to know about this. As he walked back to the study, he mentally prepared for another round of fighting.
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A/N 1: So...it took a while but the rewritten chapter it's out. It's around 9,000 words; a 40 minute read. I hope this makes up for the lateness of the upload.
A/N 2: In the original run, Alphonse was a generic character. I hated that I wrote him almost like an OC. Actually, some OCs had more character than Alphonse himself. Enter headcanons! Yes, Alphonse's homosexuality is an actual headcannon of mine for many, many reasons. I won't be going in-depth on this since Al's romantic side will not be the focus in this story. But this headcannon theme will not be swept under the rug neither. It might popup here and there throughout the story, and I hope I can make him relatable to all audiences.
A/N 3: Fun Fact: The original post for this chapter happened on October 9, 2013. I reposted on October 15, 2018. Phew!
Visit my Tumblr page: hirstories dot tumblr dot com for story-related artwork and other stories.
Thank you for reading!
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References
(1) From Wikipedia: "Julius Robert Oppenheimer was an American theoretical physicist and professor of physics at the University of California, Berkeley. Along with Enrico Fermi, he is often called the "father of the atomic bomb" for his role in the Manhattan Project, the World War II project that developed the first nuclear weapons.
Enrico Fermi was an Italian physicist, best known for his work on Chicago Pile-1 (the first nuclear reactor), and for his contributions to the development of quantum theory, nuclear and particle physics, and statistical mechanics.
Albert Einstein was a German-born theoretical physicist who developed the general theory of relativity, one of the two pillars of modern physics (alongside quantum mechanics). On the eve of World War II, he endorsed a letter to President Franklin D. Roosevelt alerting him to the potential developing of "extremely powerful bombs of a new type" and recommending that the U.S. begin similar research.
The Manhattan Project was a research and development project that produced the first atomic bombs during World War II.
The German nuclear energy project (Uranium Society), was an attempted clandestine scientific effort led by Germany to develop and produce atomic weapons during World War II.
The world was witness to the destructive nuclear power after the two bombs where launched in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Here's a quote from Julius Robert Oppenheimer after the unfortunate events:
"We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed, a few people cried, most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita. Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty and to impress him takes on his multi-armed form and says, 'Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." I suppose we all thought that one way or another.'"
This is what Edward and Alphonse were trying to avoid. In CoS, it is mentioned that they were going to try and search for the uranium bomb.
(2) Taken from March 13, 2003 issue of The Idaho Observer: "Dr. Wilhelm Reich (1897-1957) is still noted historically for his work in psychiatry and psychoanalysis. However, Dr. Reich's work in biophysics has been stricken from the historical record." Why you might ask? Because he stumbled upon some interesting connections between planetary energies and living beings. Google Wilhelm Reich and Orgone. Mr. Reich's research could've help advance humanity in the medical field just like Nikola Tesla could've helped humanity advance in the technological field. But world domination is more important than the betterment of humanity. And world domination was shown all over Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa; among other more sinister, more occult things.
(3) A famous Hellen Keller quote.
(4) From Wikipedia: "Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which the human ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others."