Chapter 7: Insult Battle!
3rd Person POV:
Lunch, it's supposed to be the sacred time for our heroes Hikigaya and Zaimokuza, a time of freedom where they can just go to their beloved clubroom and play around until afternoon classes but today is not their day, it's raining cats and gods outside thus they have to stay in their classroom.
Hikigaya and Zaimokuza moved their desks together, Zaimokuza's finished lunch and Hikigaya's soba pan wrappers lying down on their desk.
Since both of them are finished, they have been killing time by reading light novels and manga.
They have been earning a lot of stares because of the cover and title of the literature they are reading, and combine it with their occasional snicker, smirks, and murmuring at each other.
Then one of their female classmates got "fed up" by their constant noises and walked up into them.
"Can you two shut your ugly mouths? We're all trying to eat here in peace! Uggh!... Why can't all men be just like Hayama-san..." The really generic looking girl that is easy to draw scolded them. Apparently this girl is part of the most popular group in their class.
"You're the one who desrupted the pragile peace in our classroom commoner" Hikigaya retorted then returned his attention to his light novel.
Zaimokuza backed him up by saying "Yeah, and how do our small noises stop you from eating? And for the record your group is louder"
Then to finish off the girl, Hikigaya talked to the girl without even removing his eyes to his light novel and said "Your one to talk, if our mouths are ugly, what can we say about you?... Yeah none, a 10 second artist can draw your face with 2 seconds to spare and it'll look exactly like you".
Some of the students laughed at what Hikigaya said which caused the girl's boyfriend to take action and stood up in front of his girlfriend.
"Oi, take back what you said about my woman!" the boyfriend threatened the two while clenching his fist.
"Should you really be protecting this woman? I don't mean to eavesdrop but your group is totally loud and all I can hear from that girl is Hayama-san, I bet she's irritated not because of our small noises but the fact that he can't ogle at that soccer boy this lunch because it's raining" Hikigaya stated.
Hitting the nail in the coffin, the girls face suddenly got 5 times more details as her face got wrinkled because of anger.
The boyfriend also did not like Hikigaya's comment and punched him in the face. All the other students in the classroom got their mouths agaped, but no one refused to help.
Hikigaya took the punch like a magic user would, by deploying an invisible shield. While he is not hurt, he wants some payback.
He removed the guy's fist in his face by grabbing it and slightly crushed his fist and threw it back at him.
Hikigaya then said wtih a cheeky smile "It seems like a had found a rare kind of man who chokes a book because he can't understand it"
The guy was surprised by Hikigaya's strength, but not wanting to be scared off by a loner Otaku and lose face in front of his girlfriend, the guy said "Using physical strength on these guys is a waste of my strength! I'm sure my insults are enough to make these babies cry".
"And your a waste of oxygen, I'm sure your father looks at you then looks at your mother then asks a refund" Hikigaya throws another insult.
Zaimokuza just looks at Hikigaya in shock, wondering what happened to him in the other world to make Hikigaya a master insulter.
"And you look like a frog who gained a human body" the guy insulted, but Hikigaya heard worse.
"And you look like the generic Asian guy westerners put in their movies in a few scenes to show diversity" Zaimokuza helps his comrade against the raijus!
One of the boyfriend's lackeys ran to aid his friend and said to Zaimokuza "And you look like you can't do a fricking neck reveal because of your fatness!" (OK their enemies here don't have any names so let's just call them that Guy and Lackey)
While Zaimokuza is not that fat, he is still a little insecure in his size because of middle school bullies, Hikigaya noticed this and threw an insult to the Lackey saying "And I've seen gay parades straighter than you!".
The guy then noticed that while Hikigaya is formidable, Zaimokuza isn't so he threw his insult to Zaimokuza and said "Yeah your so fat the elevator says overload before you could even step on it!"
Zaimokuza then retorted by saying "Well, says the one who is one bad day away to become a Batman villain! Your a joke!"
"If someone's a joke here, it's you two!" The guy said which caused his lackey to laugh.
"Well, I respect your right to completely and utterly wrong in a way that seeing two dogs in heat is more desirable to watch than you two" Hikigaya returned fire.
"Well, your brain cells is more rare to find than two cats in heat" the lackey said at Hikigaya.
"Of course this dog would bark for his master! Could you please go outside look around and try to find my interest on listening to you because I don't give I damn thing in anything you say" Hikigaya explained calmly.
Then too further deepen the wound given by Hikigaya, Zaimokuza thrown another insult at the two and said "Yeah, go home, talk to a lamp post and the lamp post will still make sense than any you two have ever said in your entire life!".
"Of course the only talent you two degenerates have is to insult people who is better than you right?" the guy said and tried to get his classmates to his side. Some agreed while most were quiet. The girlfriend of the guy looked at her own female lackeys which caused more students to take the side against Hikigaya and Zaimokuza.
"Says the guy whose only talent is to breath then forgot he has asthma!" Hikigaya said but he was booed by his classmates.
They booed Hikigaya and Zaimokuza because the two are currently trashing the most popular couple in their class and Hikigaya and Zaimokuza are supposed to be in the bottom of the hierarchy meaning that the weirdos are stepping atop of them.
Now with the majority in opposition of Hikigaya and Zaimokuza, the remaining students didn't want to be left out so even they didn't like the arrogant couple, they have no choice but to take their side or they will be labeled as enemies who support Hikigaya.
The class started throwing crumpled paper at the two.
"Of course the raijus would fight in numbers... Let's go Zaimokuza, the rain is already gone so we can go to our clubroom now" to which Zaimokuza answered by nodding.
"Yeah! That's what you get for disturbing our lunch break! You're the bad guys here!" the girlfriend taunted.
Before leaving the classroom, Hikigaya answered "You guys are the one started the fight, used violence, and started throwing trash on the minority of the class that is us and we're the bad guys huh?" then Hikigaya snapped his finger and magically banished the pants and skirts of his classmates then ran with Zaimokuza to their clubroom.
The whole class 1-F were now in great panic as they expose their underwear to each other while Hikigaya and Zaimokuza got a really satisfied smile plastered on their face. Years later, this incident will be dubbed as the Underwear Exposure Incident and becomed the 8th wonder of the school.
"Where did you learn how to insult like that Hikigaya?" Zaimokuza asked.
"Do I need to remind you what kind of life I lead in the other world?" Hikigaya answered.
"Yeah... Right... People in the other world are all raijus and jerks" Zaimokuza realized.
"Well that and a lot of time in the internet, the place where every insult for every type of person exists" Hikigaya proudly said.
"I still can't believe you banished their skirts and pants Hikigaya!" Zaimokuza said as he smirk at Hikigaya.
"Makes me wonder what they'll do, they can't go home half naked!" Hikigaya laughed.
"I don't want those incels stealing my pants so let's skip the afternoon classes Hikigaya!" Zaimokuza recommended.
"Yeah, let's just stay in our clubroom" Hikigaya agreed.
They reached their clubroom, they entered only to see Hiratsuka sitting alone in the room while her face is buried in the table.
When Hiratsuka noticed some presence, she removed her face in the table to look up only to reveal a snot dangling in her nose and some dried out tears oj her cheeks.
"Hiratsuka-sensei... You can cry?" Hikigaya joked to try to cheer up his teacher.
"Of course you idiot" Hiratsuka said then sniffed her snot back to her nose
"Failed date yesterday?" Zaimokuza asked.
"Maybe you didn't exactly replicated what the dating Sim protagonists did sensei" Zaimokuza gave his expert opinion on love.
"Maybe I'll try replicating the heroines instead" Hiratsuka answered.
"ARGH! THEY ALL CANCEL THE LAST MINUTE! MEN REALLY GOT IT EASY HUH?" Hiratsuka shouted.
"Whoa easy sensei, your being sexist! We all know men got it harder in dating! The whole thing is rigged against us!" Hikigaya said.
"Well, why don't you try being a woman then!" Hiratsuka challenged.
"You try being a man! Didn't you know a man especially like Hikigaya and I only get compliments from our moms?" Zaimokuza said.
"And the only thing getting a compliment in me is my car!" Hiratsuka retorted.
"Ok, let's switch genders then so that we can see what gender got it easier!" Hikigaya declared.
Chapter End-