Hey folks! Only a few chapters left now, so brace yourselves. In this one, Lauren finds herself reminded of something important. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 16 – Thin Ice
Several days passed, in which the couple didn't see much of one another, mainly because they were busy with coursework and studying. In addition, Bo had agreed to take on some extra shifts at the Cosy Corner to cover for a sick colleague, which – as much as she loved working there – exhausted her to the point of consequently falling asleep each night like a dead woman. Lauren and she had agreed that it was no use for the blonde to stay at Bo's apartment alone, so she'd returned to Emily, who in turn greatly enjoyed spending some quality time with her bestie.
A week went by, during which Lou found a replacement for Bo's fellow waitress, who had somehow managed to break both arms, totally incapacitating her for at least eight weeks. The new girl still needed some training, but to Bo's great relief, she turned out to be a quick learner and the brunette was more than thankful, when she offered taking on the late shift on Sunday by herself. An offer, which gave her and Lauren an unexpected evening together after an incredibly busy week.
Snuggled up on the sofa, they were watching TV. A large pizza box harbouring the remains of their ordered dinner was sitting on Bo's coffee table. Full and satisfied, Lauren lazily stroked her girlfriend's hair. One half of her back was comfortably leaning against the sofa's back rest, the other against the armrest, and her eyes were glued to the TV. Bo lay snuggled between her legs and her head was bedded on the blonde's chest. She was deeply enjoying Lauren's ceaseless caresses, almost purring at the attention, as she raptly listened to her favourite geek pointing out the apparently outrageous number of scientific errors displayed on screen.
Bo wasn't even sure, what show they were watching, and she didn't much care. She was too busy focussing on Lauren's adorably indignant rambling… and her heartbeat. It was blissful, lying here like this, and the brunette felt herself reminded of the early years of their relationship, specifically the first time they'd got together after their undercover mission in Hecuba. Of course, life hadn't exactly been easy back then – after Nadia's death and the Garuda just defeated, they were about to stumble right into the next mess involving that lunatic Isaac Taft and Lauren's perilous solo mission.
But in spite of all the dangers they'd faced, they'd always had each other's backs. With each new hardship, they grew as a team, which included not only Lauren and Bo, but their friends, as well. They'd worked together, supported each other, and beat the bad guys every single time… ultimately even Hades himself.
But even that last stand paled before everything that followed. After the creation of Lauren's anti-fae serum, she and Bo had been refugees, constantly on the run from the most dangerous fae, and it had been draining and exhausting. Looking back, Bo concluded that the only constant keeping her sane and vigilant back then had been their undying love for each other.
And then… Lauren had died.
Without noticing, Bo tightened her grip on the blonde, as if to reassure herself that she really, really had her back. Sometimes, she still experienced moments of disbelief. About how she could've possibly got this lucky, not only receiving a second chance with the love of her life, but getting to live with her in blissful peace. No dangerous fae on their heels for a change… just the regular life of a semi-regular couple.
"So unrealistic", Lauren complained, dragging Bo back to the present. Her tone was positively cantankerous at this point. "I mean, look at this, it's a street camera, and they're zooming in like its fricking high-definition CIA equipment. Pff", she huffed.
Bo couldn't help but laugh. "Are the TV people pissing you off again, my love?"
"Yes." Bo could clearly hear the pout in Lauren's voice. "I mean, they could at least ask someone, who knows their stuff. Like, an actual scientist…?" She harrumphed.
Bo giggled. This never got old. During the entirety of their relationship, Lauren had tirelessly pointed out all kinds of things that made no scientific sense on random TV shows and films, and it never failed to entertain the brunette. Sometimes the doctor would get so worked up that the succubus came forth to devour her wife in the middle of one of her geek-outs. Today, however, it reminded Bo of something else.
"Speaking of science stuff", she said, kissing Lauren's chest to apologise for interrupting her flaming speech. "You never ended up telling me what you did last weekend. Why did you get up so fricking early to get to the lab, and on a Sunday to boot?"
Lauren's eyes went wide in shock. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! She'd been so busy with her courses, and Emily and Jo, and regularly checking into the small university lab to continue processing Bo's samples and her own for the DNA sequencer that she'd honestly forgotten to tell her. The memory of the night a week ago returned with a bang. She'd meant to tell Bo right then, but ended up getting distracted by her girlfriend's silence about this mysterious Kenzi person, and now, days later, Bo's innocent question hit her like a freight train. Her mind was racing, as she struggled for a plausible explanation.
"Oh, you know, it's just that… nobody comes in that early on a Sunday, and I wanted to be undisturbed", she managed, relieved that her voice didn't give away the shock clearly visible on her face. Luckily, Bo's head was still resting on her chest, so she couldn't see her.
Oblivious to her girlfriend's internal struggle, Bo grinned and slowly propped herself up on her elbows, turning her upper body to face Lauren. "Undisturbed, eh? Doctor Lewis, are you doing secret stuff?" She paused for a second, an idea flashing through her mind, and her grin widened. "Ooh, are you trying to science your way into a bank vault or something?", she added jokingly.
Grateful for the brunette's giddy mood, Lauren took the unwittingly offered straw and scoffed to cover up her unease. "How does one science one's way into a bank vault?", she asked.
"I don't know, you tell me", Bo said wiggling her eyebrows, her smile turning from playful to seductive in a flash.
Under different circumstances, their banter would've continued with Lauren starting to explain random science facts, which she knew would make Bo incredibly horny, inevitably leading to incredible sex. This time, however, her gaze seemed thoughtful and distant, and Bo immediately sensed an energy shift in the room. Unwilling to let go of her goal of seducing Lauren quite yet, she pressed on: "C'mon, baby, tell me, what you did. I swear I won't tell."
But instead of joining in her little game of seduction, Lauren's expression suddenly turned sad… maybe even rueful.
"Lauren? What's going on?", Bo inquired, both curious and a little worried, as she pushed herself up all the way and shifted into a seated position to properly look at the other woman, who at this point was almost squirming under her gaze.
Lauren bit her lip. This was it. Up until this moment, she'd had time and time again told herself that she wasn't technically lying to Bo by not telling her about what she'd done. But now that Bo had directly asked, she couldn't back out. No more secrecy. No more withholding. Bracing herself, she took a deep breath. "Bo, I have to tell you something… I'm sorry I didn't before… I promise I meant to, but first I was scared, and then I got distracted, and then I just forgot, I swear, I…"
"Lauren…", Bo interrupted, placing a hand on the doctor's to end her ramblings, "Just tell me, baby? Please. It's going to be okay."
Lauren took another breath to try to calm herself and clasped Bo's hand. "Remember that morning you cut yourself?", she started. Bo nodded quietly, a quick saucy smile flashing across her features as she remembered the immediate aftermath of the bloodbath. "Well…", Lauren continued, "I didn't clean up the blood as promised. At least not right away."
Bo's smile faltered and was replaced with a questioning frown. But she didn't speak, which Lauren took as an invitation to continue. She swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat and failing… and then she told her. About how her scientific curiosity caused her to give in to the temptation of taking the samples and about what she'd found with the help of the electron microscope.
Halfway into her speech, Lauren paused to observe Bo's reaction. The brunette blinked a few times and leaned back, effectively increasing the distance between herself and Lauren and letting go of her hand in the process. Instantly, the doctor missed the contact, and she felt tears well up in her eyes. It was only now that she realised the huge mistake she'd made, keeping something this big from her girlfriend. Bo's expression hardened, and Lauren felt like her heart was about to break into a million pieces.
"I'm not your lab rat", Bo stated, unable to keep the tone of bitter disappointment out of her voice. She felt herself reminded of that night eons ago, when she and Lauren had made love for the first time and she'd only found out afterwards that it had been on the Ash's orders. With an angry frown, she observed her girlfriend, who was staring at her wide-eyed and in shock, one hand halfway reached out to her, and eyes swimming with tears – just like that fateful night Bo had sought out Vex for answers.
Vex. Dangerous Mesmer Vex. A friend now, yes, but back then…
In an instant, Bo's expression softened, as she allowed the rest of the ancient memory to wash over her. Lauren had done it to protect Bo from Vex… she'd done it out of love. Back then, Bo had denied her the benefit of a doubt, and she didn't want to repeat her old mistakes.
"Why did you do it?", she asked, her tone a lot gentler now, and moved her hand, so that Lauren could take it.
Relief overcame the blonde as she felt two tears fall and run down her cheeks. She had no clue, why Bo had suddenly decided to cut her some slack, even though she thought herself undeserving, but she gratefully took it without hesitation.
"So, I have this theory", she started explaining, her voice trembling with trepidation. "About myself…"
It was like a dam had broken, a waterfall of words gushing forth as she told Bo about her first encounter with ghosts, about their continued return, about her research attempts as a teenager, and about the recent events that had rekindled her interest.
"You're special, Bo", she concluded eagerly, her voice much steadier now that everything was finally out in the open. "Meeting you, it… did something to me. I fell in love with you so quickly, which frankly, is more than unusual for me, but that's not even the strangest part… Our encounter, I think, in a way, it was meant to be." She paused, smiling and shaking her head at her own train of thought, but continued nonetheless. "It's like you telling me about your succubus nature re-awakened something inside of me, and now, I believe in it more than ever before… in the fact that I possess powers, too. That you're not the only one. That we might be a different type of human being… or possibly not even humans…"
It was only now that she dared to face Bo. She'd expected her to react as she always did, enthusiastically welcoming whatever Lauren was offering, but today, her eyes showed neither support nor belief. Confused, Lauren interrupted herself. The brunette didn't seem open to her theory at all. Instead, her gaze was hesitant, sceptical… and compassionate?
Lauren didn't understand. She could've dealt with her girlfriend getting angry, and rightfully so, at her questionable behaviour, but this?
"What?", she asked a little defiantly, her despair from a minute ago almost forgotten. "You don't believe me?"
Bo sighed. "I do believe you, baby… I believe everything you said about my blood. I mean, I'm a succubus. I can do things others can't, and I guess something like that would show somehow, but…"
"But you don't believe that I'm like you", Lauren said, deflated. This time, it was she, who let go of Bo's hand.
The brunette felt her heart crumble, and once again, she cursed the rules of time travel. She wished so damn much that she could just tell the blonde what she knew to be true… That Lauren was a regular human being, whose "ghostly" encounters happened to be nothing more than visits from her invisible birth mother. Théa had only recently mentioned them to Bo, which made the brunette feel like she was betraying her wife all over again… because she knew something so intimate about Lauren's past that not even the doctor herself could guess. How was she supposed to inconspicuously convey to her that her research would come up inconclusive? That no matter, how much she wanted to, Lauren had no powers at all…
Another ancient memory came back to her – of Lauren turning herself into a fae conduit, trying to fulfil her most desperate wish and correct the flaw of being a lowly human, who was one day going to die of old age and leave Bo behind. A flaw that Bo herself had never even acknowledged. Plus, looking at it in retrospect, what good had it done? Even if Lauren hadn't developed signs of Alzheimer's disease, which eventually caused her to revert the process… in the end, she'd died anyway… Murdered by dangerous, envious fae, who couldn't bear the thought of anyone tinkering with their precious powers. But Bo didn't care about any stupid powers. She would've gladly renounced her own succubus nature and all its benefits, if only it would've made Lauren give up her search for this impossible perfection she kept chasing.
But of course, she couldn't tell her any of that. The only thing she could do was try and convince her that she was enough. She would remind her of it every single day for the rest of their lives, if needed. She'd do anything to make her stop chasing pipedreams.
"Lauren, you already are extraordinary", she said, her tone emphatic. "Just as you are. It doesn't matter whether you have powers or not… It doesn't even matter whether I do." She grabbed both of her hands, and thankfully, Lauren didn't pull away.
"This isn't about your powers", the doctor said, her voice growing desperate. "It's about me. About who I am or who I might become…" She was struggling to find the right words, which frustrated her even more. How could she make Bo understand? And why didn't she support her on this?
"It's dangerous, baby", Bo interrupted her thoughts, as if she'd read her mind. "Remember, you're dealing with things no scientist before you has ever encountered. Lauren, it… scares me."
A simple statement. Scared. Bo was scared. For Lauren. The blonde blinked. She felt like waking up from a weird trance. It's dangerous. The words reverberated all through her mind. Images of herself handing a bunch of pipe bombs to her brother came crashing back over her, and suddenly, her chest tightened in terror. Just like back then, she'd let her passion for a good cause take rule over her own ethical code and forgotten that all new things, as exciting as they may seem at first glance, could quickly go sideways.
"You're right", she said wide-eyed and was met with an overwhelming amount relief in Bo's expression. It floored her, just how much the mere thought of her research seemed to frighten the brunette, but Bo's words had forced her back down to earth. They sank back into each other's arms, and as they lay entangled, Lauren quietly vowed to keep Bo's test results from any prying eyes. Bright and early tomorrow morning, she would return to the lab and destroy all remaining samples that were safely stored in her locker.
And once the DNA sequencer was finished, she would make sure no-one would ever know the outcome. So long as she was the only person, who got to see her work, it would be no harm done. Because despite Bo's reservations, Lauren still desperately needed to make absolutely sure, whether she really was like the succubus or not. She'd come too close now to stop. Besides, she'd already put all necessary precautions in place, so that no students and not even her professors could access her research without her consent.
Yet again, her decision to secretly finish the DNA sequencing was met with a bad conscience. On the other hand, the ever-nagging feeling was significantly dampened by Bo's lack of faith in the abilities Lauren knew she possessed. She squeezed her eyes shut, held her girlfriend close and took a determined breath, deciding that her stupid conscience had no more say in the matter. She had to finish this. Just this one tiny thing for herself. She would find her truth.
And then, as soon as there was definitive proof that she did in fact possess powers, she'd stop, just as promised.
It was a good plan. Solid. Besides, Lauren defiantly told herself as she deeply inhaled the brunette's comforting scent, Bo is still clearly hiding things from me, too, and if she's allowed to keep secrets, then so am I…