A/N: Thank you all so much for the incredible love I've received on this story. Your likes, follow, and reviews have meant so much to me and are the driving force to keep me going. A special thank you to Courtney, one of my best friends, for reading every chapter (even the bad, pre-edited ones) and letting me bounce ideas off you at all hours of the day.

This chapter has one very smut-heavy scene. If that's not your thing, keep scrolling.

Sorry in advance for the ending.

Saturday, December 20th, 2003

Tribeca Rooftop Bar & 360

Manhattan, New York

9:37 PM

Olivia Benson

Amanda and Carisi were finally married.

My best friend is a wife.

It was still so surreal, I think to myself, as I stand at the bar, looking on at the bodies on the dance floor moving along to some hip-hop song the DJ threw on at the request of a few of the young beat cops. I chuckle softly, staring at Amanda as she unsuccessfully tries to twerk against her new husband, both in fits of laughter from embarrassment.

I'd spent most of the night absorbed in conversations with former colleagues that I hadn't seen in years and old war buddies of Elliot and Carisi's that Elliot was proud to introduce me to. I offered to get him another glass of Jameson and left him to the wolves; Munch was spinning one of his conspiracy theories about modern-day weddings as Fin, Amaro, and Cragen laughed on. I order what I vow to be my last drink of the night, both Elliot and I taking it easy on how much alcohol we consumed. We both wanted to reflect on this date and remember it as the day we decided this was more than just a weekend thing.

I was falling hard for him, the man with beautiful blue eyes and a charming personality. This man had been taking care of me all night: getting me drinks, dancing with me, and sneaking soft kisses on my lips whenever Carisi and Amanda weren't looking. The man who was laughing and clinking glasses with the men who have taken care of me through thick and thin these past six years. I was captivated with him, and could only stand to be a part of him for a few minutes. I told myself I wasn't going to do this. I wouldn't let myself fall for someone else… someone like him. But here I was. And there he was. And the voice in my head was quiet, and there was a smile on my face and a glow about me that hadn't been there in quite a long time.

Elliot had taken his tie off before the dance floor opened after Cragen had done his honorary dance with Amanda to John Mayer's Daughters. Carisi and Serafina had shared a dance to Van Morrison's Days Like This. He'd unbuttoned the top three buttons of his white dress shirt, and un-did his long sleeves, rolling them midway up his arms to reveal his Marine Corps emblem tattoo. He was sweating from being on the dance floor previously and kept looking over at me to rescue him, biting his bottom lip and smiling.

Would I be the world's worst best friend if I left the reception early and returned to his hotel room with him?

"Olivia."

I hear a voice I'd tried to forget these past few weeks pull me from my trance. I pivot on my heel and do a 180-degree turn as my body soon faces his, intently staring back at the man before me.

"Cassidy?"

In the flesh, Brian Cassidy stands before me, wearing a pair of dark-washed denim jeans and a black v-neck sweater, hands stuffed in pockets, and a mound of gel slicked through his hair.

I knew something like this was going to happen. Perfect is boring, I remembered Carisi telling me earlier. Things had been going way too well for something like this not to happen.

"You look… wow," he says, his eyes doing a once over down my body. "You look incredible."

"What do you want?" I asked him sharply, placing my right hand on my hip. "You shouldn't even be here."

"I know, I know," he says, removing his hands from the front pocket of his jeans and making a stop motion with them in front of him. "I just wanted to drop off a card and congratulate Carisi and Amanda. I was going to leave… but then I saw you… and I knew I had to come over and say something."

"That's what a post office is for," I say about his comment about the card.

"Liv, please," he begs. "Could we maybe go somewhere and talk? Please? I would like closure on this whole… us thing."

"Brian… come on. Don't make this harder than it has been already."

"5 minutes. I need 5 minutes of your time, and then I'll leave. Okay? You have my word."

I huff and cross my arms over my chest as Cragen, Amaro, Munch, Fin, and Elliot look at me across the ballroom. I nod, signaling to them that I was okay… not okay, but that I wasn't in any imminent danger.

"Not here," I shake my head. "We'll go somewhere else. I wouldn't want any witnesses when I punch the shit out of you."

Brian and I retreat to a small room off of the main ballroom of the venue, one that had been used as the bridal suite earlier in the evening. I sit on the Tiffany blue velvet sofa as he stands against the wall. He sips the beer I ordered at the bar as I nurse the glass of wine in my lap.

I didn't know what he truly wanted; I didn't know how to respond to the fact that he was in the same room as me for the first time since our breakup. I had spent so much time missing him, wishing he didn't do what he did with that woman. I was finally healing, and here he was, halting my progress.

Today though, I was thankful that he did what he did. If Brian Cassidy had never cheated on me, I would have never gotten the chance to spend the evening with Elliot as I did.

"I put my papers in." He's the first to speak, and rightfully so. I didn't know what to say to this man that was once in my whole world.

"Where are you going?" I inquire. Not that I cared, but Brian Cassidy was still a good cop, was still a warm body at a precinct that was already treading water. This would be a massive blow to the 1-6.

Carisi was going to be devastated.

"Baltimore. Munch was able to hook me up with his old captain. I'm going back to homicide."

"Good for you," I breathe, tapping my fingers against the rim of my wine glass. "When do you leave?"

"Monday," he tells me. "Finished packing up the apartment a few hours ago."

"Is what's-her-name going with you?"

"Sarah?" Cassidy shakes his head furiously and takes a sip of his beer. "Olivia, come on. Don't start this shit."

"I'm not starting it. I'm finishing it." I remind him.

"I know, Liv. I know I fucked up. You don't have to keep reminding me."

"You have done… so much more than just that, Cass," I hang my head, then look back at him. "Do you know what you did to me by cheating on me? And for you to do it with a woman that didn't mean a fucking thing to you… you threw away a 3-year relationship for a good fuck, to show me that you weren't a man I could control. I get it now, Cass. You win."

"No one wins, Liv," he says, banging his head against the wall. "And I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I was drunk, and it was a stupid mistake. As soon as you walked in, I –" he takes a deep breath, "I wish I could take that night back."

"Do you know what I've been through these past few weeks? Huh? The fucking hell that I've been through without you?"

"Oh, and you think this has been a goddamn walk in the park for me? Jesus Christ, Liv, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you!" He takes another sip of his beer. "And I don't know what you've been through… didn't know what you've been through because you won't fucking talk to me! You ignore all of my calls; you dodged me any time I showed up at Serena's house…."

"I had a right to take time to grieve, Cass. I had a right to grieve all that went with you when we broke up…" Son of a bitch, I mumble to myself, wishing this wine was stronger. I polish off the remainder of the glass. Glad I wasted my last drink on this bullshit. "I went to the doctors Friday, you know," I say, having a hard time getting my words out. "They ran some tests and did an ultrasound…."

"Olivia," he replies, his face turning white. "Are you?"

"No," I hang my head. "No, Cassidy, I'm not pregnant." I look down at my empty wine glass to keep myself from crying. "I can't have kids."

"They told you that?" His voice quiets as he looks at me, upset painted on my face. "Liv, I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted to be a mom…."

"Don't," I breathe, my voice cracking, as I point a finger at him. "You have no right."

"I know," he tells me, stuffing his hands back in the front pocket of his jeans. "We spent a long time together, though, Liv."

"Yeah," I say, nodding my head back in reply. "We did." I wipe the corner of my eye and stare into his. "What happened to us, Cass?" I say lowly, almost in a whisper.

He shrugs his shoulders. "We just changed… we grew apart… it happens. There's no one to blame. I know that my cheating was the end all, be all, but Liv, don't kid yourself. You can't sit here and tell me you were happy in our relationship. We were having problems long before I cheated."

I let a tear fall down my cheek. "I know."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. That's the last thing that I wanted to happen. I cared for you, Olivia. I always will."

"I'll always care for you too, Cass," I tell him, standing up from the couch and smoothing my dress. "Always."

He and I hug, his skin feeling ice cold against mine. "Take care of yourself," he whispers, kissing my hair. "I refuse to believe that Olivia Benson doesn't get the happy ending she deserves."

"Hey. Where'd you disappear off to?"

Hearing Amanda's voice comforts me as I return to the ballroom. Upon Cassidy's departure, I allowed myself a few minutes to pull it together before putting a smile back on my face. I felt good about our mutual decision to let each other go. I could have begged him to stay – before tonight, I would have – but what was the point? Though I will always love Brian Cassidy, he was right. He and I haven't been in love in a very long time. There was no use in lying to ourselves anymore.

"Just… talking to an old friend," I smile, exhaling a deep breath I hadn't realized I was holding in.

"Okay," Amanda says, speaking in a sing-song voice. She raises a brow, not buying the story I was telling her. "You doing okay?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" I raise a brow in reply.

She laughs softly back at me. "I am more than fine, Liv. And I wanted to say thank you… again… for the millionth time."

"Thank me for what?"

"For this," Amanda says as she looks around the ballroom. "For taking me under your wing when you didn't have to. For being my best friend. For helping me plan and execute one of the best days of my life."

"I'd do it all over again if I had to," I smile. "No regrets."

"No regrets," Amanda says as she interlocks her pinky with mine. We break away from our exchange as she sips her rum and Coke. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?" I say, my reply sounding more like a question than an answer.

"What's holding you back from being happy?"

Wow. I wasn't expecting that one.

"What do you mean?" I ask, playing dumb.

"I mean… Liv, he's been checking you out all night. I see the way you two look at each other. I see the way that he took care of you this evening. What's stopping you from going all in with him?"

"You want the truth?" I groan. "It's complicated, 'Manda said. Besides, I don't know him… we live two different lives and…."

"And so?" She shakes her head and finishes off the rest of her drink. "Olivia, you are allowed to want good things. You're allowed to have good things. If Elliot is the guy that will pull you out of this funk, then I'm all for it. Ever since I met you, you've always looked out for all of us… always wanted to make sure that you were protected. When was the last time you thought about yourself?"

"I can't remember."

"You should start doing that," she smiles. "Not that we don't love how you are, Liv. You're an amazing friend and partner… you're damn good at your job. If I've learned anything in these last few years of being with Carisi is that there is more to life than SVU."

"I'm just scared," I bellow, my lip quivering. "I'm scared of getting my heart broken again."

"Olivia," Amanda says, exhaling a shallow breath. "I see the way that man looks at you… like you've hung the moon. Call it partner's intuition or what have you… but I see something between you two. When you're with him, you're a different person."

"I don't want that, though," I admit. "I don't want to be different. I don't want or need a man to define my life."

"Olivia… that wouldn't happen, even if you tried," she chuckles. "You deserve this. What's so complicated about that?"

"What about those things you told me yesterday? That he's the trouble?"

"I said many things yesterday that I wasn't proud of." She looks down at her empty glass, then glances over at the table where Carisi and Elliot are laughing along with the other guys of the squad and a few war buddies that had joined in on their camaraderie. "Elliot is a good man, Olivia. He's been through some shit… we all have. And yesterday I was upset, and I was stressed, and I took it out on you, and I'm so sorry. I love you, and I want you to find someone you love as much as you love everyone else around you."

"What if things don't work out?"

"What if they do?"

Amanda stops rattling off questions as she notices Elliot and Carisi get up from their seats together and approach us. Carisi wraps his arms around the front of Amanda's body, kissing her on the cheek, as Elliot does the same to me. From the fabric of my dress, I can feel him begin to get hard as he plants a soft kiss on my neck.

"Hi, wife," Carisi greets, whispering in Amanda's ear, nuzzling his cheek against her neck.

"Hi, husband," she parrots back, turning her body around to look up at him. Carisi cups her cheeks in his hands as she stands on her tip-toes, planting a lingering kiss on his lips.

"This a thing now?" Carisi asks as Amanda turns around, allowing her body to fall back into his.

I shrug my shoulders and lift my head to stare into Elliot's blue eyes. "Maybe?"

"You owe me $50, Mrs. Carisi," Carisi whispers in Amanda's ear as she pulls away to smack his stomach. "Well, whatever this is, happy looks good on you, Benson. You too, Stabler."

"Thanks, man," Elliot smiles.

"We are gonna go dance!" Amanda exclaims over the music, changing the subject. "You lovebirds should come to join us!"

I laugh softly as Amanda whisks her new husband away to the dance floor, giggling as they join their guests. I turn to face Elliot as I wrap my arms around his neck. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Everything okay? You were gone for a while. I was worried about you."

"Oh, yeah," I say, waving him off. "Just catching up with an old friend. I wanted to go somewhere quiet to talk. Everything is fine. But, I will say, it's much better now."

"Is that so?" He places a quick kiss on my lips. "I found a way for you to re-pay me." He takes my hand and interlocks his fingers with mine. "Will you dance with me?"

Nodding my head in reply, I let out a small, "I thought you'd never ask."

I watch intently as Elliot gives the DJ a small nod once we reach the edge of the dance floor. As soon as I hear the opening beat, my face flushes red as I say, "Elliot Stabler… you did not request this song."

He covers his mouth to conceal his giddy laugh. "I so did."

Elliot wraps his arms around my waist as he moves back just a bit from me, pointing at himself as he begins to lip-synch,

I was a little too tall, and could have used a few pounds

Tight pants points, hardly renowned

Elliot moves back further and stretches out both arms as he closes his eyes and lip-synchs,

She was a black-haired beauty with big dark eyes

Points all her own, sittin' way up high

Way up firm and high

"You're embarrassing," I laugh back at him, his hands resuming around my waist.

Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy

Out in the backseat of my '60 Chevy, we both begin to sing aloud together. He raises a brow at me. "You started it."

Workin' on mysteries without any clues

Elliot and I both look at each other, smiling ear to ear, laughing contently, as we both begin to belt,

Workin' on our night moves

Tryin' to make some front page drivin' news

Workin' on our night moves

He spins me in and out against him a few times, and as my body falls back to him, I regain my once-shaky balance. He whispers sweetly, "I've had a nice time with you tonight, Liv. You do something to me… I can quite describe it…."

"Elliot," I tell him as he grips my ass once my body faces him. "Promise me you won't fall in love with me… okay?" He squeezes my ass a few times and smiles jokingly at me. "I'm serious. Promise me you won't fall in love with me, okay?"

"What if I've already started?" His hands move back to my waist as he pulls me closer to him. He kisses my neck gently. "I want you, Olivia Benson. I want every version of you… even the version where you're too damn stubborn for your own good."

We weren't in love, oh no, far from it

We weren't searchin' for some pie-in-the-sky summit

We were just young and restless and bored

Livin' by the sword

"I thought we were just having fun?" I ask him.

"I don't think just having fun is possible with you, Liv."

"Elliot, we barely know each other… I don't even know your middle name… or your birthdate…."

"Then let's get to know each other," he reasons.

And we'd steal away every chance we could

To the backroom, alley, or the trusty woods

I used her, and she used me, but neither one cared

We were gettin' our share

"Plus," he says as the song flows into the next chorus. "We have this crazy sexual chemistry. I have been fantasizing about taking that dress off you all day."

Workin' on our night moves

Tryin' to lose our awkward teenage blues

Workin' on the night moves.

"I don't want to get hurt again," I confess, removing the grip my hands had on the back of his neck and placing them inside the two front loops of his waistband, pulling him as close as he would fit my body. "I don't think my heart can take another beating."

"Who says I'm going to hurt you?" he asks. "Liv… I would say never…."

"Just… let's enjoy being here in this moment, okay? We will never get tonight back. Let's make the most of it."

As our conversation comes to a close, the song continues to play. Elliot sings the next chorus sweetly to me in my ear, breaking away a few times to bob his head, my hips rocking with his.

I woke last night to the sound of thunder

How far off? I sat and wondered

Started hummin' a song from 1962

Ain't it funny how the night moves?

When you don't seem to have as much to lose?

Strange how the night moves

With autumn closin' in

Elliot and I break away from each other and join the rest of the guests, now forming a circle around Amanda and Carisi in the middle of the dance floor. All forty-something of us left begin to shout the last bit of lyrics at the top of our lungs, watching on as Carisi takes Amanda by the hand and spins her around, jumping along with the rest of the guests, arms raised high in the air, not a single care in the world other than being surrounded with those that we loved.

As the song ends, the DJ announces the last one of the night, Frank Sinatra's New York, New York as it begins to echo through the near-empty ballroom. It was the perfect ending to the perfect day.

"You wanna spend the night together?" Elliot whispers hungrily in my ear.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

Saturday, December 20th, 2003

Hyatt Grand Central Hotel

Manhattan, New York

10:47 PM

Olivia Benson

Elliot and I didn't waste much time once we said our goodbyes and departed the venue, practically sprinting to hail a cab. Though it was only a five or 6-minute ride back to the hotel, our lips stayed pressed on one another's, his hands tangled in my mess of fallen brunette curls.

As soon as the cab driver drops us off, Elliot takes me by the hand and leads me through the lobby, eagerly stepping inside the empty elevator. The hotel was eerily quiet for a Saturday night. He presses the button for the 12th floor, and once realizing the coast is clear, he grabs me by the waist and backs me up against the wooden wall. He kisses my lips intensively and hastily, running his rough hands up and down the inside of my dress.

"El," I breathe as the elevator chimes, alerting us that we've reached our destination.

He fumbles around the front pocket of his tuxedo jacket in search of the hotel room key. Once found, he unlocks the door, drops his coat on the chair of the small dining table, and picks me up by my ass to place me on the nearest surface.

I lock my legs around the middle of his body, using my lower body strength to move his frame closer. He grabs my hair, the kissing intensifying, his tongue perfectly harmonious with mine. As we break away – both considerably out of breath – he spreads my legs as I lock my knees around his head. He wastes no time and places his head between my legs, moving my thong out of the way with his teeth.

"Fuck, Elliot." I let out a soft moan and leaned back as his tongue began to circle my clit.

"Babe… fuck. You taste so fucking good," he tells me, coming up for air briefly. His fingers replace where his tongue once was, my body tensing to wrap around his swollen digits.

"El, y-… oh my god," I moan in pleasure. "Y-you're a t-tease…."

"You've been teasing me all night, Benson… that sexy fucking dress falling off your shoulders… those heels… your curls… your beautiful fucking brown eyes."

I feel his soft moans against the inside of my thighs as his motions become faster, him gliding his fingers up and down around my wall, using my soaked core to his advantage as he pushes his fingers further inside of me. Satisfied with his work thus far, he lifts his head from under my dress and licks both fingers as I grab him by the shirt collar and pull his lips to mine. He lifts me from the cushion of the pullout sofa, places my legs tightly around his waist, and slowly walks back to the king-sized bed, still unmade from where I slept last night, picking up from where we left off this morning.

He gently sits down on the foot of the bed as I sit in his lap, his throbbing cock hard against my soaked core. His lips flutter across my shoulder blades and chest, nibbling and sucking slowly, careful not to leave any marks on my body as he does so. I begin unbuttoning his dress shirt, mimicking the same soft nibbles and kisses on his chest, the feeling of his lips still fresh on mine. I bite gently on his ear lobe as he nuzzles his chin against mine. I pull away as his lips trace their way down to the sensitive parts of my neck, pleased once he reaches the spot that forces another loud moan from my lips. He moves his hands to the zipper of my dress and slowly slides it down, the noise of the metal the only sound in the quiet room. Elliot shimmies out of his dress shirt as I stand up, seductively allowing my dress to fall to the floor, revealing the bra to the matching lingerie set concealed all day.

"You're so fucking gorgeous, baby," he tells me as he leans back on the pool of sheets, undoing his belt and throwing it down on the ground next to my discarded dress. I bite my lip as I kick off my heels, undoing the back clasp of my bra, teasing him a bit as I remove each strap, my breasts soon spilling out in front of him. He licks his lips hungrily, throwing off his dress shoes, socks, and dress pants. He makes a come here motion with his finger, signaling me to come back on the bed, and I do so, watching as his head falls back on the pillow, my petite frame towering above his. I can feel the heat between us. He kisses me first, beginning soft, biting my lip and sucking a bit, then harder, his lips finding their way to my neck. He cups my right breast in his hand, allowing his hands to massage me to the verge of another orgasm. He places his mouth over my hardened nipple, sucking slowly, his hand wandering to my thigh. I reach my hand under his gray boxer briefs, making a fist around his already erect cock, tugging and pulling in an upwards motion, circling the tip of his pre-cum soaked penis with my thumb.

"Liv," he scolds, pulling his mouth away from my breast. "Fuck, Liv. That feels amazing."

I let out a soft breath. "Yeah?" I ask, smiling flirtatiously at him. I take both unsteady hands and pull his boxer briefs down by the waistband, letting them rest below his feet. He kicks them off into the unwanted pile of clothing. I slide my body down the bed just a bit, laying on my side as I place my left elbow beside his leg. I take all of him in my mouth, rolling his erect cock around, running the tip of my tongue up and down his hardened shaft, swirling and sucking the tip.

"Fuck," he moans in pleasure as I place my hand at the bottom of his shaft, gripping tightly as I slip his cock in and out of my mouth a few times. He rests his hand on the small of my back as I grasp onto his thigh. I open my mouth wider, allowing his member to hit the back of my throat, making small gagging noises in reply. "Holy shit, Benson." Once I finish, he forcefully slaps my ass as I climb back on top of him. He sits up a bit as I wrap my arms around his neck. He clasps onto his cock as I get on all fours. He teases me briefly, rubbing his throbbing member up and down my dripping pussy. My hands grip the sheets as I remove his hands and slide his cock into me. He cups his hands on my ass as I remove mine from his neck and place them on the headboard, extending out my frame. I moan in pleasure as he echoes the same back. "You're tight, babe…" he comments as he thrusts harder inside me. My walls open up to accept all of him as his motions begin to get faster.

"You're fucking huge… be careful with me, babe, please. I'm not going to be able to walk tomorrow." I allow a few soft moans to escape my lips, and he slaps my ass several times, watching as I wince and cry out loudly in ecstasy. I remove myself from all fours and sit up as he slides his member deeper inside of me, feeling it in the pit of my stomach. My body stretches around his pulsating cock, and as our motions become more demanding and faster, I continue to orgasm, feeling my body reach its climax. "Oh, God, fuck Elliot… don't fucking stop."

"I love when you say my name, baby," he tells me, reaching his finger down to play with my clit. "You're dripping, Liv. Goddamn." I arch my back and place both hands behind me, releasing once more on him as he thrust deeper in my pussy, smiling once he's reached my g-spot, my body quivering. "You like that?"

"Mhm," I tell him, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from screaming.

"Fuck, Liv. Jesus Christ." He scoops both of my breasts in his hands and moves them in a circular motion as my hands find his shoulders.

"You took care of me," I whisper seductively. "Let me take care of you."

"N-not gonna argue with that.." he says, watching as I get back on all fours. He cups both hands tightly on my ass once more, kissing my neck as I arch my back and move my hips up and down on his beating cock. "Olivia," he moans out loud. "Olivia, fuck, slow down. I'm going to cum if you keep doing that."

I was climaxing again, ready to release on him. This feeling, this act of just fucking had come so naturally to us. "Sorry," I whisper.

"You're gonna be the death of me, woman," he seethes, placing his lips right below my collarbone, sucking a few times, leaving a red mark that would fade purple by morning.

"Elliot fucking Stabler," I scold, seething through my teeth as I thrust faster. He grabs my hair and pulls it back as our bodies begin to move more in synch than they had before.

"Olivia," he says, closing his eyes as he moans again. "Olivia, babe, stop. I-I'm close. I didn't throw on a condom."

I nod as I get off of him, placing my lips over his cock, shoving it in the back of my mouth, allowing him to release into me, tasting each bit of cum as it slides down the back of my throat.

Once we have both finished, he falls back onto the pillow as my head lands on his chest. Our hearts are pounding as if they would explode at any minute. Our bodies drip with sweat, the sheets soaked below us. A smile is wide across our faces as our breathing steadies. He places his arm around my body, pulling me closer as I put my head on his bare chest. "Wow," he manages to chirp out, in in-between labored breaths. "That was amazing."

"Uh huh…" I say back as he kisses my hair. "I…"

"Don't have any words?" he asks, taking the words out of my mouth. "Neither do I."

"You owe me a new thong," I quip as he hums with laughter. "I just bought that, too." I pout.

"I'll buy you a new one, baby. I promise."

Baby. It's been a while since I've been called that. The way that it echoed from his mouth sent a chill down my spine as I snuggled up closer to him, placing a soft kiss on his chest. He puts one hand behind his head as I wrap my arm around the middle of his body, our hands finding their way to one another to interlock our fingers.

"Joseph," he says into my hair after a few moments of silence between us.

"Huh?"

"Earlier, while we were on the dance floor… you said you didn't know what my middle name was… it's Joseph, after my father."

"Margaret," I tell him softly, smiling as it escapes my lips...

"Olivia Margaret," he exhales. "Even your name is beautiful."

"February 7th," I chirp back. "I'll be 29 on February 7th."

"October 20th," he replies. "I turn 35 this year."

"Old man," I joke as he chuckles in my ear, rocking my body closer to him. "What's your… favorite movie?" Asking these questions made me feel like a teenager in high school, getting to know their crush for the first time.

"Goodfellas," he laughs loudly.

"Dirty Dancing," I smile as he kisses my hand. "My Cousin Vinny is a close second… used to play on the television all the time in the lobby of our dorm room."

"Where'd you got to school at?"

"Siena College… I majored in criminal justice," I reply proudly. "Did you go to Parris Island right out of high school?" I fire back.

"I did," he tells me. "I enlisted a few months before graduation. I did… 3 tours over in Kuwait during the Gulf War. I retired from the Marines and got my B. A. from Queen's College, became a beat cop, then worked homicide for a while. An opportunity arose for me to re-enlist after 9/11 and after the events that took place that day… I knew I had to go." He shakes his head and clears his throat. "Sorry, I think I might have already told you all this morning."

"'s okay," I reply, sneaking him a quick kiss. "You're brave. El, for doing what you do. I admire it."

"You're one to talk, Liv. One of the only female detectives in the special victims unit? Getting ready to sit your sergeants exam?" I look back at him, a sly grin on my face. "That's an incredible accomplishment." He kisses my hair once more. "Sometimes I miss being a detective," he sighs heavily. "War is unpredictable…."

"So is the NYPD," I laugh.

"Touché," he tells me.

"Why didn't you just enter the Academy after high school?"

"I wanted to do something nobler… something I could look back on and be proud of… I didn't have the money for school… and didn't want to follow in my father's footsteps. That's uh… that's a story for another time."

"Is your dad still alive?"

"Nah," he shakes his head. "He passed in '98. What about yours?"

I take a deep breath and allow the words to escape my lips slowly. "I never met him," I choke out. "Rain check on that story."

"What about your mom?"

"She's still alive… across Manhattan, probably sitting in her chair, passed out from her date with a vodka bottle." I shake my head to rid my mind of her image. "Yours?"

"My mom… uh, well, it's complicated. That woman is my whole heart," Elliot smiles. "Her name is Bernadette," he tells me. "She's still alive… putt-sing around out in Queens. She has her faults, and we have worked a lot on our relationship since I've gotten older… but… she's a good mom." He kisses the inside of my hand and then places it back at his side. "Of all the departments in the NYPD, why special victims?"

"You want the short answer or the long answer?" I ask, raising a brow.

"Both," he tells me. "We have all night… I'm not going anywhere."

"Good to know," I tell him, letting out a small sigh. "Because neither am I."

Elliot and I must have stayed up until nearly 4 AM engaging in light-hearted small talk; the questions started simple and then, as time passed, built into things that weighed heavy on both of our minds, things about our childhood we wouldn't dare bring up to anyone else. Hopes and dreams for our future that we were afraid wouldn't come true if we said them aloud.

Being here with him, feeling the warmth of his body next to mine, feeling safe and protected in his strong arms as we cuddled next to one another, sleeping soundly, felt almost as I'd imagine stability would feel like. What I'd imagine calling a person home felt like.

Imagine my surprise when I awoke later that morning to the smell of brewing coffee, an empty spot next to me in the bed, and him on the phone telling another woman how much he loved her.