Chapter 14

Over the next few weeks, Chuck focused on spending as much time with Cora as possible. He found himself falling impossibly in love with the little girl, and each day it became harder and harder to leave her. Most of his time was occupied by simply listening to Cora, watching her play, and learning about her interests and dreams. He discovered so much about her in such a short amount of time, and their mutual attachment to one another was quickly growing into an unbreakable bond.

Blair continued to watch from a distance, unsure of her place in the interactions between father and child. Each day was torture for her, watching the man she had once loved engage so endearingly with the child they had created, but she knew that she had made the right decision in allowing Chuck to pursue a relationship with Cora when she watched her daughter's face light up each and every time she saw her father. Her brown eyes shone with excitement as soon as the elevator chimed each day, and a huge smile spread across her lips as she bounced down the stairs, yelling, "It's Daddy! Daddy's here!"

Watching their relationship bloom in the most natural of ways, seeing Chuck strive daily to make up for lost time made Blair feel a mixture of painful and bittersweet emotions. She felt guilty for the jealousy that bubbled beneath the surface when Cora would talk about how amazing Chuck is. She was truly happy for her daughter, but it stung a bit to watch him be welcomed so adoringly, to be put on a pedestal as some sort of Father of the Year. For years, she had sacrificed her every dream and desire for Cora. She knew that it was an immature and unfair position to take; of course, a five-year-old would attach herself to the father she'd desperately longed for her entire life. It didn't change Blair's feelings, though, and it made her resent Chuck just a little bit more. He'd left them. He'd made the decision to abandon his entire life and everyone in it, and he was welcomed back with open arms by the people he hurt the most. She had fully accepted his presence in her life, but she promised herself that she would never open herself up to him again, at least not any more than was necessary for a functional co-parenting relationship.

Louis was still in Monaco on royal business, and Blair was anxious about what life would be like with both Chuck and Louis present on a nearly daily basis. It would be an adjustment to say the least, and she felt like she was being pulled in a hundred different directions fulfilling the role of mother, co-parent, fiancé, and CEO. She was too exhausted to really realize how stressed the entire situation was making her; it was just a matter of time before it exploded.

On Sunday, Blair finally, albeit reluctantly, agreed to allow Chuck to take Cora to the park by himself. "Go put your shoes on, Cor," Blair instructed, turning to Chuck with a look of utter seriousness etched into her delicate features. She threatened quietly, "One hour, Chuck. That's all. If you are so much as one minute late -" He did his best to conceal his smirk, but his amusement wasn't lost on Blair. She rolled her eyes and continued, "I'm serious."

"I understand," he nodded. "Thank you."

"Hold her hand at all times, and don't let her out of your sight. She's really curious, and she wonders off sometimes. She's afraid of heights, but she'll pretend like she's not. In fact, a few weeks ago she got stuck on the slide, and I had to climb up there to get her in my Jimmy Choos. Come to think of it, I wonder if Dorota took them to be repaired…oh, and she's allergic to cats, so if -"

Chuck reached out a hand to touch Blair's forearm, and she paused immediately at the heat that burned through her sleeve. Her large doe eyes widened, and his expression softened at the fear that he found in them. "Blair, breathe," he smiled reassuringly, "I'm not completely inept. If we encounter any cats at the park," he laughed at the absurdity of the statement, "then I promise to fight them off. I will climb any equipment I have to to get her safely back on the ground, and my eyes won't leave her for the entire 60 minutes that we are gone. Therefore, if you text me, don't expect a response because I won't be looking at my phone."

She couldn't help but return his smile in spite of herself. He had changed so much and so little that being this close to him was still disconcerting. She lowered her eyes to the place where his hand still rested against her arm and quickly pulled back, clearing her throat. "Right. Well, like I said Bass, one hour or I'm sending the Search and Rescue Team."

Cora bounded down the stairs two at a time, yelling out, "I'm ready, Daddy." She grabbed his hand impatiently and dragged him toward the elevator. "I love you, Mommy!"

Blair barely got out a quick, "Love you, too. Have fun," before the elevator door closed. She needed to distract herself for the next hour, so she texted Serena to come over for a late lunch, and her blonde friend immediately obliged, sensing the anxiety through Blair's uncharacteristically frantic and uncontrolled grammar.

Ten minutes later, Serena was sitting on the bed, patiently listening to Blair prattle on about Chuck's 'invasion' in her life. She took a sip from her frappuccino, and after a long rant from her friend, asked, "But isn't this what you wanted? He's really taking this seriously and trying to get to know Cora."

"But it's happening so fast," Blair squawked, "Three weeks ago, I thought he was dead. And now, he's here every day. Cora wakes up, and he's the first thing she asks about. A few weeks can't make up for years of absence, but it's almost like he's been here for her all along. I'm going crazy because I haven't even been able to process any of this. Louis is going to lose it when he gets home and realizes that this is our reality now. Cora is so attached, Chuck's attached now, but what if he decides to leave again? What if -"

"Blair," Serena interrupted, "You have every right to be angry with Chuck. You are completely justified in hating him, but do you really think he would abandon Cora? I've seen the pictures and videos you've sent me. He's smitten. At dinner with Mom last night, she was the only topic of conversation. He doesn't even care that Holmberg voted no confidence in him returning to Bass Industries. His only focus is Cora. I'm still angry with him, so is Nate, I promise, but I've never seen this side of him."

Blair flopped onto the bed beside Serena and buried her head into the pillows with a deep sigh. "It's just so unfair," she groaned, her shaky voice muffled by the silk of the pillowcase.

"What's unfair, B?" Serena prompted gently.

"You're right," Blair admitted, looking up at the ceiling with eyes shining brightly, "He's so attentive and gentle with her. He's already acting like the father I always knew he would be, and it's so unfair."

"I'm not following. Isn't this what you want for Cora?"

"Of course it is," Blair scowled, "But I hate him for it. This the father he should've been six years ago, but he tore it all away. He destroyed everything that we could've had. It's unfair that I didn't get to have this then, and it's unfair that he gets to have it now. Do you understand? None of this is how it's supposed to be, and it's all his fault. He can take her to the park and buy her dolls, but it'll never be enough. It'll never make up for all the lost time."

Serena stroked her hand soothingly up and down Blair's arm, unsure of what words could possibly offer any consolation for the deep-seated pain from which the brunette was suffering. She'd secretly hoped for some endearing reconciliation between her friend and her brother, but listening to Blair made it all seem like a lost cause. She'd witnessed enough of the hell that Blair endured at Chuck's hands, and she made a conscious decision that, no matter what, she was on Blair's side. If she couldn't forgive Chuck, she wouldn't push her. All she could do was support her, but she wasn't really even sure how to do that now. Blair's situation was so much more complicated than the boy problems that plagued them in their youth, and she couldn't find a single piece of sound advice to offer her. For the remaining forty-five minutes, they lay in silence, with Blair's soft cries mingling with the sound of the air conditioner fending off the August heat.

XOXO

Chuck's heart soared, listening to the jubilant laughter emanating from his daughter's lips as he pushed her on the swings. She was so beautiful and so innocent that his chest ached just being close to her. She reminded him of Blair in those rare moments that they shared together years earlier, when she had let her guard down and enjoyed life with him in private away from the watchful eyes of Gossip Girl. "Higher, Daddy!" Cora squealed in excitement, "Higher!"

He chuckled and said, "Any higher and I'll send you into space. We need to head back soon anyway."

She pouted playfully, but she eventually relented and let him help her down from the swing as a woman with long curly blonde hair approached the playset holding the hand of a little boy about Cora's age. Her eyes traveled Chuck's well-dressed form appreciatively, lingering briefly on his toned shoulders before observing, "It's so refreshing to see a father so involved. It's rare to find a man here with his children, especially one who is actually enjoying himself."

He smiled back at her sheepishly, still unaccustomed to discussing his role as a father, "Well, I don't want to miss a moment with her."

"She's stunning," the woman licked her lips slowly, "But I suppose that's to be expected with a father who looks like you." She reached out her hand, which Chuck took tentatively, just missing Cora's irritated eye roll at the woman's blatant flirtation. "Liz," she introduced herself, "And you are?"

"Not interested," Cora scoffed, a look of clear disdain written in her small features. "C'mon, Daddy," she tugged on his arm impatiently, giving the woman one last hateful glare, "We have to get back to Mommy."

Chuck stifled a laugh at the image of a mini-Blair laying claim to her property. He just called out, "It was nice to meet you, Liz," as he let Cora drag him across the playground toward the sidewalk.

"That lady was flirting with you," Cora huffed, barely concealing the accusation in her voice.

"Lots of ladies flirt with me," he smirked.

"You're so arrogant," Cora couldn't help the grin that spread across her face.

"Nah, it's not arrogant if it's true, now is it?"

She tucked her hand into Chuck's absently, letting her gaze turn to the distance where a couple of street musicians performed for a small crowd. A comfortable silence settled between them, as they were both lost in deep thought. Chuck steered Cora toward an ice cream vendor and bought her a scoop of vanilla, a flavor that he was surprised to discover was her favorite. As they made their way ever closer to the Waldorf penthouse, Cora finally asked the question that had plagued her mind for the better part of their walk, "How did you and Mommy meet? Did she flirt with you like Liz?" She scrunched her nose in disgust mocking the other woman's name.

Chuck was caught off guard by the question. In the past twelve days since their first meeting, Cora hadn't dared ask about her parents' history together; in fact, she hardly mentioned Blair to Chuck at all, as if it was crossing some hidden boundary that had been set up between them. He pondered the question for only a moment before answering truthfully, "We went to school together. We've known each other since we were your age."

She rolled her eyes, not willing to let him off the hook so easily. "That's not what I meant. You obviously weren't in love with her when you were five. When did you fall for her?" She looked up at him with her little lip jutted out in a pout, imploring him to give her a serious answer, and he couldn't deny her no matter how dangerous her question was.

"When we were teenagers. She was tired of society telling her who she had to be, and she decided to just be herself - carefree and beautiful -" he paused when he saw Cora's wide, innocent eyes watching him carefully, her mouth slightly open, clearly hanging onto Chuck's every word as if she was trying to memorize his story. He felt a mixture of panic and fear stir in his stomach when he saw the hopefulness etched into the child's expression. He'd said too much; he'd encouraged her unfounded fancies about a long-lost romance, and he swallowed hard to suppress the guilt of crushing the little girl's dreams. He kneeled down before her, gripping her shoulders between his hands gently. "Where is this coming from, Cora?"

She was stubborn, possibly as stubborn as Blair, and she refused to provide the answer that he could clearly read behind her eyes - the fact that she was dreaming about her perfect little family with her Mommy and Daddy. Instead she shrugged and said, "I'm just curious about what Mommy was like before I was born."

"Listen to me, Cora," he instructed firmly, "I am so happy to be with you, to get a chance to be your Daddy, but that's it. Do you understand? Your Mommy is marrying Louis."

"Of course, I know that," she held her head high and refused to let the tears fall from her eyes. She'd simply have to find a more subtle way to get her Mommy and Daddy to fall back in love because it was clearer now than ever that they needed her help.

XOXO

Chuck and Cora arrived back at the penthouse exactly 57 minutes after they left. Serena had left shortly before their return, and they found Blair sitting calmly on a chaise, completely poised as if she hadn't spent the past half hour crying in her best friend's lap. She smiled brightly when Cora sat down next to her, "Did you have fun, darling?"

"We had so much fun," Cora grinned and then snarled her nose, "Until a lady named Liz started flirting with Daddy."

Chuck's eyes widened slightly, and he immediately started shaking his head, "No, that's not -"

Blair narrowed her eyes at him and murmured something along the lines of "Some things never change," but she turned back to Cora and urged, "It's getting late. You need to tell your father goodnight and get ready for your bath. You have your first day of school tomorrow."

Cora felt her lower lip tremble at having to say yet another goodbye to Chuck. She didn't hide her emotions, instead using them in her favor when she turned to Blair to ask, "Can Daddy stay tonight, Mommy? Please? I want him to take me to Kindergarten tomorrow."

Blair opened her mouth to immediately protest before thinking better of it. A strong reaction wouldn't help calm her emotional daughter, so she tried a different tactic. She gently reminded the little girl, "I'm sure Eva is waiting for Chuck to return -"

He spoke quickly, unsure of why he was so eager to correct her, "Eva returned to France. We broke up. I thought you knew -" He stopped speaking because it sounded like he was trying way too hard to explain himself, like he expected some kind of reaction from Blair.

But if she had any kind of reaction to the news, she didn't show it. He didn't see her eyes shift or her shoulders tense. She simply offered, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

He shrugged, uncomfortably aware of the little eyes trained on him. The awkwardness hung in the air until he lowered his gaze to Cora, relenting in the silent war brewing around them, "That's okay. I'll just -"

"It's fine," Blair sighed, standing from the chaise and stalking toward the stairs, "I'll have Dorota make up the guest room."

"I can really just -"

"Nonsense," she snapped sharply through gritted teeth, "We'll leave at six-thirty, so it'll be easier for you to just stay. Time you get a taste of her nighttime routine anyway, I suppose."

He really wasn't sure why Blair seemed so irrationally angry with him when it hadn't even been his suggestion, but he knew her well enough to know that defying her in one of these moods would only lead to more tension. He simply nodded and followed them both up the stairs, diverting his eyes to the woodwork on the banister, careful to avoid thinking about the way Blair's skirt hugged her every delicious curve.

XOXO

Chuck had never realized how involved a child's bedtime routine was. First, Blair tasked him with choosing Cora's pajamas while she ran her bath water, but when he offered her a thick nightgown with pink flowers littering the heavy fabric, Cora scoffed and shook her head adamantly, "Daddy, it's summer. Flannel is for winter, silly." She led him to the dresser and pulled out a paisley print shorts and cami set.

While Blair bathed Cora, Chuck was responsible for turning down her bed and picking out a bedtime story, which, after brushing her teeth and hair, the feisty little girl also vetoed in favor of a different book. She handed him a book with a soft blush on her face, "This one please."

Chuck looked at it inquisitively and noted the raccoons on the cover. "The Kissing Hand?" he read, taking the oversized chair to the right of Cora's bed while she climbed into his lap.

"It's about the first day of school," Cora explained. "Poppy Cyrus got it for me this summer to read the night before Kindergarten, and, well, that's tonight."

"Okay," Chuck smiled, and Cora snuggled against his chest as he started the story. She listened intently as Chester the Raccoon's mother soothed his fears about starting school by kissing his palm. Chuck gently lifted Cora's small hand to his lips and placed the softest kiss to her palm as he read aloud, "Now, whenever you feel lonely and need a little loving from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think, 'Daddy loves you. Daddy loves you.' And that very kiss will jump to your face and fill you with toasty warm thoughts."

"You changed the words," Cora accused, pointing to the words "Mommy loves you" on the page in front of her.

"I did," Chuck confessed. "But it doesn't make it any less true. Whenever you get nervous or sad tomorrow, remember this book. You will have Mommy's kiss on your left hand and Daddy's on your right. Press them both to your cheeks and know that you are loved."

Cora's eyes glistened with tears, "You really love me, Daddy?"

"How could I not?" He asked, driving home the message that she was impossible not to love. "You're kind, sweet, smart, stubborn, and beautiful. You're the most perfect little girl in the whole world, so, yes, I love you."

She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, and murmured against his skin, "I love you, too, Daddy."

He carried her to the bed, lifting the heavy comforter so that she could climb underneath. He drew a deep breath, choking back the overwhelming emotions coursing through him. He had once thought that those words from Blair's mouth was the sweetest sound his ears would ever hear, but he now knew that he had been wrong. He didn't deserve this little girl's affections; she was much too good for him. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "Goodnight, Cora."

"Goodnight, Daddy."

XOXO

Blair's heart ached listening to the exchange. In their youth, most people wrongfully thought that Chuck was allergic to children - that he would rather pay off any woman unlucky enough to fall pregnant with his spawn than to actually take responsibility. Blair had always known without a doubt that he would be a good father, though. They rarely talked of their plans that far into the future, but on the anniversary of Bart's death, Chuck had revealed to her that he longed for a family more than anything else. They talked into the wee hours of the night about how they could each overcome their parents' shortcomings and offer their own children a life of love and joy. As they drifted to sleep in one another's arms, Chuck had left Blair with words that would haunt her every day thereafter: "One day you'll be the mother of my children, and it'll be the greatest gift you could ever give me." She saw the truth in his words, now, as she watched him with their daughter. She'd never seen such softness and love in Chuck – not even with her, not even in their tenderest moments.

After Cora was finally asleep, Blair and Chuck stood awkwardly outside of her room; it was still too early for them to retire for the night. It was the first time they had really been alone since the day that Blair told him the truth about Cora, and neither one knew what to do or say. Finally Blair offered him a sad smile and said, "I can't believe she starts school tomorrow."

"Yeah," was the only response Chuck could muster. He couldn't very well say something like 'It doesn't seem possible' or 'She's growing up too fast' without it coming across as forced and insincere.

"I could use a drink," Blair mused, gesturing for Chuck to follow her down the stairs.

She poured a glass of wine for herself after handing him a tumbler of scotch. They sat close to one another on the settee without actually touching, each sipping their respective drinks wordlessly for several minutes. Chuck's eyes roved over the multiple photos adorning the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves on either side of the fireplace. Most were of Cora throughout various stages of her life and with different family members. A few were of Blair and Louis, but the one that struck Chuck the deepest was a clearly posed photo of Blair, Louis, and Cora, looking like the perfect family of three - mother, father, and child. For the first time since meeting her, he really felt like his presence in Cora's life might be an imposition. He knew that Blair still hadn't really confronted Louis about his part in their lives. He didn't want to cause an undue strain on their relationship, but there wasn't a chance in hell that he would back down now.

"What happened with Eva?" Blair's voice broke into his thoughts.

He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "She missed Paris."

"So just like that you ended your relationship?" She sounded skeptical, and he wasn't sure where these questions were coming from. It wasn't any of her business, and it wasn't like he'd pried into the details of her relationship.

"Yes, she wanted to go back, and I needed to stay for Cora. That's that."

Her brows furrowed, and she took a long swig from her glass. "For someone who saved your life, you let her go awful easily."

Fury flashed across Chuck's eyes at Blair's audacity to comment on the nature of his relationship. "What is all of this, Blair? You don't know anything about Eva, and I'm not sure how any of it is your concern, quite honestly."

"I know that she was worth you leaving everything and everyone behind. You sacrificed a lot to be with her." Her eyes were hard and challenging, the anger from earlier evident behind her words.

"Is that what you think happened? That I gave up everything for Eva?" his voice grew softer with each word.

Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks, so she turned her head away from him and gulped down the last of her wine. She stood abruptly, dropping her glass to the table in front of her, murmuring, "Forget it. I shouldn't have said anything."

Panic rose in his chest, and he reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her. "Blair -"

"It's fine, Chuck. Let's just go to bed."

"No," he refused to let her back out of the conversation. Lately it seemed that there was a silent agreement between them that serious or sensitive topics were off limits, and he had made a conscious effort to avoid anything that may lead to an argument. But he didn't know how to exist in this continuous limbo with her - a world in which they weren't even friends anymore. History - along with his numerous mistakes - had severed their relationship to a nearly irreparable degree, but it was almost as if they were more distant than strangers. Blair was always so formal and cold around him, and it was wearing him down. Cora had yet to recognize the tension between them, but given how observant their daughter was, he knew it was only a matter of time before she noticed. He pulled her by the wrist gently until she lowered herself back to the seat beside him. "We have to talk, Blair. If not for our sanity, then for Cora's sake."

"What do you want me to say, Chuck?" She turned toward him, not bothering to disguise the defeat outlining her features. He could see the exhaustion behind her eyes, and he felt a pang of guilt for pushing the issue when this strange dynamic between them was still so new. Clearly, he wasn't the only one it was taking a toll on, but he finally had her attention away from curious eyes. He didn't know when he would have another chance to speak candidly with her.

"The truth, Blair, even if it hurts. After everything, there's no room for secrets between us. If we're going to make this work for Cora, we have to communicate."

She closed her eyes, drawing a deep breath and releasing it into a prolonged sigh. She tried to read the clock on the mantle behind his head, but her watery vision blurred the image. Bed sounded so inviting, and she wanted to tell Chuck that he didn't get to dictate their conversations. As tired as she was, though, she knew that he was right on some level. She'd kept him at arm's length for the past few weeks, but her carefully constructed words and cold demeanor hadn't done a single thing to help her cope. She was afraid that as soon as she opened up to Chuck, the emotions would be unstoppable. Her rage, her pain, and her resentment boiled just under the surface every time she was around him, constantly threatening to explode. She didn't know how to talk to him when every moment in his presence inspired a mixture of sorrow and anger, but if he insisted on a raw, honest discussion, she was going to give it to him. "You want the truth, Chuck? I can barely process the anger that I feel around you. Sometimes I hate you so much that it takes everything in me not to throw the nearest object at your head. Every time I'm in the same room as you, I can hardly look at you without being reminded of the never-ending pain that you caused when you just decided that being Chuck Bass was too hard."

He knew he had hurt her irrevocably, but hearing the words from her lips, seeing the rage flashing behind her dark eyes stung deep inside his chest. "I don't know what I can do to fix this, Blair," his voice rose in frustration, "I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I don't have a fucking time machine, either." He raked his hands through his hair, grabbing at the whiskey decanter with more force than necessary to refill his glass. He swallowed the fiery liquid in one gulp and softened his voice. "I'm sorry for everything, Blair - for treating you like property, for betraying your trust, for taking you for granted," he sighed, lowering his eyes to his hands with a slow shake of his head, whispering quietly, "For not realizing that you were the single greatest thing that happened to me until it was too late."

She could forgive him for all of the transgressions for which he'd just apologized; in all honesty, she had already forgiven him for each of his crimes, except one - leaving her to raise their daughter alone, leaving their daughter fatherless, with a hole in her heart that Blair couldn't fill no matter how much she tried. Tears glittered in her eyes, and on a profound level, she wished that she could wholly forgive him and move forward, but too much had happened, too much time had passed, and too many scars marred her fragile heart.

She stood again, turning away from him so that she didn't have to see the look of regret and agony clouding his features any longer. "At one point, I would have forgiven you anything, Chuck, but your apology is coming about six years too late. Your selfishness, your cowardice, whatever you want to call it left me to raise a baby on my own. You will never be able to make up for that. Maybe that's not fair, but neither was me thinking you were dead for years, then having to drop out of college as an unwed mother, hiding from paparazzi as they speculated about my private life, and going into labor with only a stranger to drive me to the hospital. That same stranger was the only person present when our daughter was born -" She turned toward him so that he could see the pain reflected in her eyes because, for once, she didn't want to hide her anguish. She needed him to see the heartrending destruction that he single-handedly inflicted. Tears streamed from her eyes as she continued her onslaught of the reprehensible consequences of his absence, harshly emphasizing each point, "I named her alone. I navigated parenthood and postpartum depression on my own. In the moments that I wanted to give up because I was scared, tired, and lonely, I didn't because she needed me. I listened to that innocent little girl cry night after night over the fact that she didn't have a father." She watched each heavy accusation weigh on his shoulders like invisible boulders until he was slumped over with his head buried in his hands; she could see the regret wrecking his body through the way his entire being trembled with uncontrollable force. He no longer met her eyes, but the intense shame and self-hatred he undoubtedly felt were evidenced by his deafening silence. "She may love you, Chuck," Her tears had dried on her ruddy cheeks, and the sadness in her voice was replaced with pure rancor, acidity seeping into every word, "But I hate you enough for both of us. I hate you for every single minute that she had to live without a father, and there's not a damned thing you can do about that."

Without allowing him a chance to respond, she stormed up the stairs and slammed the door to her bedroom. Years of pent-up anger poured out in the span of a few minutes, and she was emotionally drained. She forced herself to ignore the heavy thud of his defeated footsteps making their way slowly up the stairs to the guest room as she curled into a ball without bothering to undress.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait on this chapter. I broke my computer a few weeks ago, so I had to replace that, and then I just had trouble getting this chapter to work out the way I wanted it to.

"The Kissing Hand" is a real book, and my mom read it to me before I went to Kindergarten. :)