Note: Since this fic takes place directly after the events of season 3, I made the creative choice not to kill off Cece.
Chapter 17
Blair sighed contentedly as Chuck rolled off of her to his side. She drew deep, ragged breaths as her body slowly came down from the toe-curling orgasm she'd just experienced. She'd been with a few men since she lost her virginity to Chuck, but no one had ever come close to understanding her body the way he did. He always knew exactly the right pressure, motion, and tempo to bring her to the edge of sanity. They fit together like a custom-made lock and key of which there was only one intricate set never to be duplicated.
He pulled her naked body close to his, spooning her from behind, lodging one leg between hers while his hand gently caressed the warm skin of her abdomen. His fingers trailed a path around her belly button to her hip bone and back, and he pressed soft kisses against her shoulder. She closed her eyes and snuggled back against him. Nothing had ever felt so right as being with him, melting into the security of his arms. After floundering in her attempt to establish herself at NYU, she was quite unsure of her path in life; everything was confusing, but she never once questioned her relationship with Chuck. Being with him had initially felt dangerous and risky, but lying in his arms, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat, she had never felt more certain that this was exactly where she was meant to be.
"One day, this will be forever," he murmured softly against her temple.
"I thought that elaborate trip across Europe to get all of my favorite things pretty much secured our forever status," she teased.
He laced his fingers with hers and brought her hand to his lips, pressing them against her knuckles before tracing his thumb over her ring finger. "We know we're forever, yes, but one day, the rest of the world will know, too. One day you will be Blair Cornelia Bass."
She rolled over to face him, and using her hand to cup his cheek, she leaned in and kissed him lightly on the mouth. When she pulled back, a small smile played on her lips as she corrected, "Waldorf-Bass."
"Hmm?" he questioned absently, nuzzling his nose into her neck.
"I'll hyphenate. I can't lose the Waldorf because it's who I am. It's my identity, not just my name. I want to be Blair Waldorf first, Chuck Bass's wife second." She remained silent for a moment, hoping he understood. "Does that make sense?"
"Mrs. Blair Waldorf-Bass," he agreed. "I like the sound of that." He pulled her in for a reverent kiss, lowering his hands down her hips to squeeze her bottom. "I don't care what your name is, as long as you're happy and you're mine."
She reached down between their bodies to grasp his rapidly growing erection and whispered, "I love you, Chuck Bass. Now, let me show you how much."
XOXO
"Don't be ridiculous, Blair," Louis ran his hands over his face in frustration. "You will have no use for the Waldorf name after the wedding, so what does it matter? You will be Princess Blair of Monaco, and when the rare need for a surname arises, you will be Blair Grimaldi."
Her face dropped because Louis couldn't possibly understand her need to hold onto the Waldorf part of herself. "I'm Blair Waldorf, Louis. That means something."
"So does the title of princess," he pulled her by her hands toward him and wrapped his arms around her waist, "Royal expectations are -"
"We've had this discussion before," she rebutted quietly, extracting herself from his embrace and pacing in front of him, "There has to be some form of compromise. My name is important to me for reasons that are hard to explain, but, as my fiance, I would hope that you could understand that."
Louis sighed, but nodded his head. "I will speak with my mother -"
"Yeah," Blair scoffed, her voice dripping with derision, "I'm sure Sophie will be entirely amenable to my requests."
"Blair, there's a royal court. There's history and tradition; we can't just change -"
Blair huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, "Can't or won't? You're going to have to stand up to the royal court at some point. Have you explained to them that you will be splitting your time between New York and Monaco? That Cora and I will not be abandoning our home in New York?"
He scratched his temple and shook his head, knowing that his inaction would only exacerbate Blair's already foul mood. "I will; it's just -"
"You're scared of how your mother will react. You're scared of losing your title."
When he didn't deny her accusation, she threw her hands in the air and stalked toward the stairs. "We can't keep having this same argument, Louis. When I'm your wife, I have to come first. You have to stand against antiquated traditions in support of me, or this isn't going to work."
"I understand that, Blair, but it's not as simple as you make it sound."
"Louis -"
He walked to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, once more pulling her into a hug, "You didn't let me finish. It may not be that simple, but I promise you, I will put you and Cora first – above my family, above my title."
She let herself relax into the warmth of his arms, finally feeling the weight that the past few weeks had put on her. She had been carrying everyone's burdens in addition to her own anxiety and guilt, and now she just wanted someone else to take the load, if even for a day. "I want to believe you, but -"
"I have to prove it," he kissed her softly. "And I will."
She sighed and rested her head against his chest, relenting for the time being. She was too tired to argue anymore. The biggest point of contention in her relationship with Louis had always been his loyalty to his title and his inability to stand up to his mother. In most ways, he lived up to her childhood ideals of what a prince should be - charming, handsome, kind, romantic, and even-tempered. He treated her and Cora wonderfully, but it still never felt exactly right. Cora enjoyed spending time with him, but they still hadn't connected in the way that Blair would've hoped. They had a relationship more akin to an uncle and niece who love each other but aren't terribly close. There always seemed to be some kind of reluctance in both of them, like Cora resented the fact that he wasn't her real father and Louis couldn't get past the fact that she didn't share his DNA. Neither one had ever spoken their doubts aloud, but it bothered Blair to no end. At first, she thought they just needed more time, but after five years, she was starting to question that theory. And now that Chuck was back…well, that would only further complicate their chance of truly bonding.
For this reason, she'd carefully kept Chuck at arm's length over the last couple of weeks, only really allowing herself to open up to him during their weekly coffee dates. If she was honest with herself, meeting him was starting to become the highlight of her work week; she looked forward to their discussions, and she enjoyed spending time with him. She would never admit it out loud, but she'd missed him - his friendship, his presence in her life. She still couldn't bring herself to entertain the notion of complete forgiveness for his years of absence, but she found it a little easier to move forward the more they talked.
Around Cora and Louis, however, she kept her guard up. She spoke to him with a formality that was unnatural and almost cold. She hated it; she hated the look on his face when she would barely address him. She hated the pain hidden behind his eyes when she turned away from him or pretended like they didn't share a decades-long history that, while filled with painful parts, contained some of her fondest and happiest memories.
But her distance had worked - on Louis at least. His initial suspicion subsided, and while she couldn't say he was friendly with Chuck, he at least accepted his presence. Cora, on the other hand, still looked at Blair like she was depriving her of complete happiness. The little girl didn't make any other accusations, but her eyes betrayed her thoughts every time Blair reminded Chuck that it was time to leave at 7 pm sharp on the nights of his scheduled visits.
Perhaps the thought of her daughter's anger spurred her to ask the next question; she couldn't be sure, but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. "How would you feel if I invited Chuck to the Hamptons with us this weekend?"
Louis's grip tightened on her waist and she could feel his throat bob as he swallowed, "Blair -"
"I thought it would be a good bonding experience for him and Cora because the scheduled meetings are a little…limited or stuffy or…I don't know, but Cora has expressed how she would like more time with him away from the penthouse."
"It's a family event, Blair," he refuted, his tone biting, and even though she couldn't see them, she was certain his eyes had grown icy.
"It's a van der Woodsen family event, Louis," she reminded him, "Neither one of us are family. Lily is Chuck's adoptive mother, Serena his sister. He's more family than we are anyway."
"Fine," Louis forced through gritted teeth, "But I'll be watching him closely. I don't trust him, Blair."
"I know," she soothed, "But you trust me." And I trust him.
XOXO
Chuck watched Blair test the temperature of her coffee before placing it on the table in front of them. She arranged the silverware meticulously around the plate containing the omelet she'd opted for in place of her typical scone. She slowly folded a napkin and placed it in her lap, smoothing the edges down before returning her gaze to Chuck. He saw her jaw flex beneath the pressure of her gritted teeth, and when her hands finally came to rest on the table, she spun her ruby ring around her finger with quick anxious movements. He asked softly, "Blair?"
"Hmm?" she responded without ceasing her most obvious nervous habits.
"What's wrong? You're fidgeting."
She immediately picked up her fork and sliced into the omelet in front of her. "Nothing. I was just thinking…" She trailed off as she bit into the eggs, the fork clanking against her teeth as she removed it from between her lips.
"Thinking…" he pushed her to continue.
"What are you doing for Labor Day weekend?" She made a show of cutting the omelet into equal portions around her plate.
It was the last thing he expected her to ask. He was sure that her anxiety had something to do with Cora being angry with her or some kind of argument with Louis. "I don't really have any plans," he answered slowly, "Why?"
She cleared her throat and placed her hands in her lap to toy with the corners of the napkin, "Well, as you know, the van der Woodsens always get together Labor Day weekend for a quick getaway. I started going after Cora was born, and now we are kind of honorary van der Woodsens for the weekend."
When she stopped talking, he nodded, still unsure of her intended message, "And?" She hesitated again, stuffing another bite of the omelet into her mouth, "Blair, if you're trying to tell me that I won't be able to see Cora over Labor Day weekend, it's fine. I -"
She quickly shook her head to indicate that he was wrong, "No, I…would you want to come with us?"
His head shot up and his eyes widened. In the nearly two months that he had been back in New York, Blair had yet to show this level of courtesy. She set clear boundaries and, to this point, had stuck to them religiously. "I…I'm not sure I -"
She inhaled and slowly drew out a steady breath. "I know that the schedule I created has been a bit..controlling. I figured, this would be a good chance for you and Cora to spend time together outside of the penthouse, but we won't have the pressure of it just being you, me, and Louis. Serena and Nate will be there. Lily and Cece, too."
His heart stuttered in his chest. "I'd love to."
She could see the genuine gratitude etched into his face, and she couldn't help but smile at him, "Perfect."
"Thank you," he rasped.
She just nodded and cleared her throat, "So what's up for discussion today?"
"Cora's firsts." He blinked rapidly, the thought of all the milestones that he'd missed pressing heavily in his thoughts while Louis's words echoed through his mind: I've been more of a father to her than you ever will. I was there when she was born, when she took her first steps, her first words. Where were you?
Blair bit the inside of her cheek before making a quick decision, "Do you have anywhere you need to be this morning?"
"No, Jack's still warming my seat at BI," he scowled, "so I'm open."
"I'll reschedule my morning meetings. Production of the spring line started last week, so there's not a lot to be done this week anyway. C'mon." He gave her a look meant to convey that she seemed to have lost her mind, but she just smirked and motioned for him to follow her.
XOXO
When they entered the Waldorf penthouse, Chuck asked, "Okay, what's going on?"
"You'll see," she laughed, her eyes twinkling. He followed her up the stairs and hesitated when she entered her bedroom - the room that she now shared with Louis. It felt like there must be a hidden barrier that would electrocute him if he dared step foot over the threshold. How many times had he occupied that same bed, made love to Blair until she couldn't remember her name, and held her while she slept on his chest? She motioned to him to enter, and his pulse slowed. What is she doing? She pulled a laptop from the bedside table and patted the bed beside her. "Well? Are you coming?"
He walked toward the bed tentatively, almost afraid that it was some kind of test that he was about to fail. He did his best to ignore the masculine docking station on the table on the right side of the bed. It clearly belonged to Louis, and he refused to let his mind go there right now. He couldn't let himself consider the implications of that being Louis's side of the bed. He sat awkwardly on the farthest edge of the bed and turned his head toward her, "Blair, this seems a little…maybe we should…"
"I've got hours of videos, Chuck," she explained, "We'll be a lot more comfortable here than on the chaise downstairs."
Realization dawned on him, and he finally understood why she had dragged him there. Videos of Cora's firsts - the next best thing to being there to experience them in person. He watched Blair power up the device and open a folder labeled "Cora - Year One." Within the folder, there were various files with titles such as "Cora's first bath," "Cora's first smile," "Cora's first food," and "Cora's first words." There were so many files and folders that Chuck knew they wouldn't be able to watch them all today. He glanced over at Blair as she focused on pulling up the videos in chronological order. He couldn't help the grin spreading across his lips as he watched her. He'd never even thought about so much of Cora's life being caught on video, but of course, Blair would have organized, dated, and labeled files on almost everything the little girl had ever experienced. She had clearly and carefully documented all the monumental moments that Chuck had missed.
His heart swelled, and he had to swallow the lump forming in his throat when a tiny baby with closed eyes and fisted hands appeared on the screen. The date in the corner of the video read January 29, 2011. As the infant was lowered into the baby tub, her toes curled until they were white, and she let out a quick desperate cry at the unfamiliar feeling of the warm water hitting her skin. Delicate feminine hands gently ran a washcloth over her soft brown curls, and Blair's voice crooned through the screen, "It's okay, baby girl. Shhh, you're okay."
The filmographer revealed herself to be Serena as the camera panned to Blair, and the familiar perky voice whispered, "Oh, B, I still can't believe you're a mommy."
Chuck could see Blair's faintly distended tummy wrapped in a silk camisole, and he reminded himself to ask her to see pictures of her when she was pregnant. He inhaled softly when a proud smile graced Blair's face on screen, and she said, "She's so perfect. A little angel."
"Oh, my God," Chuck murmured to himself, feeling a number of emotions that he couldn't quite name. "Look at her."
When the video ended, Chuck glanced up at Blair, noticing her watery eyes. He didn't speak when she pressed play on the next video, this one Cora's first smile that Blair said may or may not have been the result of gas. To that, Chuck laughed softly and settled into the bed, adjusting a pillow behind his head.
After the videos of Cora's first year, she clicked to the second year folder and selected the one titled "Cora's first steps." As a masculine voice spoke from off the screen, Chuck stiffened slightly, trying to hide his discomfort at Louis's first appearance on video. He heard the thick accent encourage the toddler, "You can do it, Cora. C'mon."
On screen, Blair held Cora's little hands, supporting her as she took unsteady steps toward Louis. After a few moments, Blair released her hands, and she took two independent steps before tumbling to the floor. Her big brown eyes widened for a moment as she contemplated crying, but a toothless grin spread across her face when she heard Louis and Blair's cheers all around her. Blair lifted her in her arms and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "You did it, my love. You're becoming such a big girl."
They continued watching videos for several more hours, taking turns laughing and crying over the memories that appeared on screen. Chuck asked questions, and Blair patiently explained the context behind some of the more obscure footage. Louis's presence grew more and more consistent, and though Chuck tensed with each appearance, he couldn't help but feel equally jealous and grateful. Serena, Nate, and Lily appeared in a few videos, but by three years of age, Louis was in nearly every one of them, encouraging Cora and supporting Blair. Chuck couldn't help but think maybe he had been right; maybe Louis was more of a parent to Cora than he would ever be.
He knew better than anyone that biological ties didn't necessarily make someone a parent. Bart had always been too busy and too disappointed in him to be much of a father, and his own mother betrayed him for his sleazy uncle. The two people who should love him more than anyone else abandoned him in one way or another. Lily - a woman who was under no obligation to accept him as her son - was the only real parent he'd ever known. He had become his parents. He was everything he swore he would never be.
Shaking off the darkness clouding his thoughts, he turned to Blair and said, "Thank you for sharing these with me."
"You're welcome." The smile she gave him was so genuine he was certain it would be permanently imprinted on his heart. Her hand reached for his in the middle of the bed and squeezed it gently. She didn't dare speak it aloud, but he knew she could read the conflicting emotions warring inside of him. "She's happier than I've ever seen her now that you're in her life, Chuck. That means something," she paused, "It means a lot."
He lowered his eyes to their clasped hands and gently brushed his thumb over her knuckles, "You're an incredible mother, Blair. I knew it from the time I first saw you with Cora, but seeing these videos -" He raised his eyes to meet hers, to make sure she knew that he meant his words with every fiber of his being, "You're amazing - so strong and resilient. I didn't think it was possible, but after today, I'm even more in awe of you. I…" he paused, averting his eyes again before continuing, "I know things didn't turn out the way we thought they would six years ago, and that's all on me, but I need you to know -" he exhaled, "- I couldn't imagine anyone else as the mother of my child. I don't know if that makes me selfish or stupid, but -"
Her eyes glittered with tears that she forced away by closing her eyes. It was too much, but she appreciated his words and the vulnerability behind them. She knew he wasn't asking for anything or trying to win her over; he simply wanted her to know that he was proud of her. Her voice was a mere whisper when she said, "Despite everything, I'm glad she's yours, Chuck."
"So am I." He offered her a soft, sad smile as two tears slid onto her hand that was still resting on top of his. No other words were needed; their tears coalescing into one droplet on their clasped hands spoke everything neither one had the power to say.
XOXO
Chuck hesitated for the briefest moment when he stepped out of the town car onto the gray pavement covering the driveway in front of the Rhodes summer house. The white structure exuded wealth and privilege, and he wondered absently how Eva was doing in France. He made a mental note to check in on her and make sure everything was going okay with the pastry shop. He knew that she wouldn't willingly take any help from him, but he had ways of making it happen without her knowledge. It was for her own good, and it was the least he could do after lying to her for so many years.
He wasn't sure what he was about to walk into. He hadn't been to the Hamptons house since…well, that was a long time ago; no need to foolishly reminisce about memories long past. He exhaled slowly, wiped his hands on his trousers, and walked through the large door.
"Oh, Charles," Lily greeted him with a kind hug, "I'm so glad that you made it. It just hasn't been the same without you."
"Thank you, Lily," he kissed her cheek and took in her blue dress, elegant chignon, and rouged cheeks, "You look lovely. Healthy."
"Ah," she smiled, "My doctor says that my condition has improved dramatically. I feel better than I have in years."
His heart fluttered with relief, and he cleared his throat to suppress an overly emotional reaction, "Is Cora -"
"Daddy!" The sweet little voice yelled as she bounded down the stairs, dressed in a lilac one-piece with a ruffled neckline and white heart-shaped sunglasses perched on her nose. "We are going swimming. Get your swimsuit on!" She wrapped her arms around his legs in a quick hug before she darted for the french doors leading to the pool.
Lily laughed, "Well, you heard her. Go get dressed."
After changing into a pair of blue swim trunks and a white henley, Chuck made his way toward the pool. His nerves were shook and before he stepped outside, he poured a glass of scotch and downed it quickly. He wanted a drink poolside, but he was willing to bet that Blair would not approve of him drinking liquor around Cora, especially while swimming.
When he finally stepped onto the patio, he was assaulted with the same memories he'd tried to ignore upon arrival. The first memory featured an angelic Blair wearing a sweet floral one-piece as she fabricated a story about James, or Marcus, the man that would soon reveal himself to be a nobleman. He remembered Blair imploring him to confess his feelings for her, but his stubborn silence left him to watch her drive away with another man.
The next memory took place nearly a year later - the summer after they graduated high school. It was infinitely more dangerous, but it was so vivid and real that it hit him in the center of the chest. He could still smell the chlorine dripping off Blair's wet hair, and he could taste the fresh strawberries on her lips.
"What are you doing, Blair?" Chuck rasped, his voice shaky with desire.
She smiled at him, reaching her hands behind her neck to slowly untie the top strings to her bikini. She held one arm over her chest, and let the ties fall down her shoulders so that the only thing obstructing his view of her breasts was her slender forearms. The hand not covering herself, untied the second set of strings from behind her back, and the small top floated away, abandoned in the water in front of her. "What does it look like I'm doing?" she teased.
His eyelids grew hooded with her seduction, and he drew a breath in warning. "Lily or Serena could return at any moment."
"Then we better be quick," she arched her eyebrow in his direction, beckoning him toward her.
Within seconds, his arms lifted her to his chest, her legs naturally wrapping around his waist. She gasped against his lips when his mouth found hers in a hungry kiss. She opened her mouth to allow his tongue entrance, moaning in the way that always caused Chuck to lose control. When her arms snaked around his neck, he wasted no time lavishing her now bare breasts with attention. As his tongue laved against her puckered nipple, his hands dropped to the ties on her bottoms, "Challenge accepted."
Chuck shook his head to clear his mind of the memory Blair's soft skin prickled with goosebumps beneath his fingertips and dropped onto the lounge chair closest to him. He placed a towel in his lap and sat forward with his elbows resting on his knees, willing his body to control itself as arousal threatened to embarrass him in front of a pool full of people. He let his eyes travel around the pool in search of a distraction. Nate and Serena relaxed on floats on the far end of the pool, and Lily and CeCe sat opposite one another at a table, both nursing mimosas. He rolled his eyes, remembering his fear that Blair would be angry with him for drinking in Cora's presence. A smile spread across his lips when he found Cora trying unsuccessfully to do a handstand in the shallow end of the pool.
He should've kept his eyes focused on Cora because, as soon as he found Blair, he was once again fighting his body to maintain control. She wore a simple white one-piece that, by any standard, would be considered conservative swimwear, but this was the least amount of clothing he had seen on her since he returned. The swimsuit hugged her fuller hips and just barely revealed a hint of cleavage. He groaned when he noticed how her body had changed; she was still petite, but she had subtle feminine curves that made his chest ache and his palms grow sweaty. Her smooth legs were bent at the knee, as she absentmindedly flipped through a magazine. He really should avert his gaze, but his eyes were transfixed on the image, desperately trying to memorize every smooth inch of skin. It was an invasion, he knew, and just as he sobered enough to turn his head, an unwelcome image blocked his view of Blair.
She squealed when Louis lifted her from the lounge chair and carried her to the pool. She beat her fists against his chest, yelling "No" over and over when he threatened to drop her into the water. With a laugh, he lowered her gently to the patio and pressed a kiss to her temple. Chuck could hear her call him a jerk under her breath, but she was smiling.
Fuck, this was going to be a trying weekend, he thought as he dove into the pool to play with Cora. Just focus on Cora, his mind screamed.
XOXO
Later that evening, after Cora was in bed and Blair and Louis and Lily and CeCe had retired for the night, Chuck, Serena, and Nate sat around the outside bar, drinks in hand. Even though it was only early September, the night air had grown chilly, and the fire pit offered a welcome warmth to the old friends.
"So, Holmberg hasn't given you any answers?" Serena asked, her long skirt whipping around her legs from the breeze carried on shore from the ocean waves.
"Hmm?" Chuck sighed, staring at the amber liquid swirling around his glass, "Oh, um, no, not yet. I'm meeting with him in a few weeks."
"Mom will vouch for you," she offered in encouragement, "He has to know that Jack is a snake."
"Yeah," was the only response he gave as he swallowed another gulp of his scotch - his third of the evening so far.
"Chuck?" Nate prompted. "You okay, man?"
His jaw clenched, and he reached for the decanter to refill his glass. "Yeah."
"He won't get away with -" Serena started.
Chuck raised his eyes to her blue ones, and she stopped talking when she saw the darkness clouding his features. He dropped his head again, slumping forward in his seat. She didn't expect him to respond, and she had to lean closer to make out his raspy words, "How long has she been with him?"
"What?" She questioned softly.
"Louis. How long?"
"Chuck, what's the point -" She trailed off, watching his hands tighten on his glass and his jaw clench with tension. Her voice was quiet, mixed with understanding and sympathy, when she noted in realization, "You're still in love with her."
His lips pursed into a thin line, his brows furrowing together. His knuckles grew white around his tumbler, but he didn't deny her observation. He didn't affirm it either. Instead he said, "I need to know. I need to hear it. There's a small part of me - the stubborn, arrogant part - that still thinks I stand a chance. I need to hear it so that I can finally convince myself that it will never happen. So tell me."
Serena looked at Nate for assistance, but he just gave her a slight shrug. Chuck's expression was dangerous when she answered reluctantly, "Almost five years. Chuck, it wasn't until Cora was a year old, almost two years after you left. For so long, she was still heartbroken over -"
He stood abruptly, dropping his empty glass to the countertop in front of him with a quiet thud. "Thanks," he cut her off gruffly, "That's exactly what I needed to hear." Without looking in their direction to read their reactions, he headed straight for the house, straight for his room with his empty bed, forcing himself to replay all the flirtatious interactions he'd witnessed between Blair and Louis. He'd watched them closely all afternoon, and any fool could see that they were in love.
Blair was happy, and he was a fool.
A/N: Bear with me. I am not a Blair/Louis fan at all, but realistically, Blair's not going to end a five year relationship as soon as Chuck shows up, especially after convincing herself that she will never love him again.