If I thought the war was bad before my third birthday, it got even worse after it.
My parents, in a fit of sentimentality (and when they were both home, again), decided we should get a family picture done. "But, why?" I asked Mom as she bundled me up into a pale green yukata and pulled my light brown hair into a high ponytail.
"Well, Yoruka, dear, your father and I are going to get pulled away on even more missions because the war is picking up. So, both of us want a little something to carry with us." She replied.
For the picture, both of my parents are wearing dark green yukatas, and my dad has his shoulder length, pale blond hair pulled up into a half-up.
Mom left her long chocolate brown hair down, and her equally dark eyes sparkle with mischief.
I sigh, they look so happy. I'm actually going to cooperate for this picture aren't I?
The photographer positioned my parents side by side and me in front of them.
Dad had one of his endearingly awkward half smiles on, Mom, an actual goddess, was the only one who fully smiled, my smile was more of an uptilt of my lips.
My parents laughed when they saw the final product, and we each got a copy. Mom had to go back to running missions soon after, while Dad stayed home with me.
He didn't get to stay for long, but while he was home I learned he had the lynx summoning contract. He learned that I will do anything to pet any type of cat.
His main summons, Arashi, puts up with my fawning with an amused, superior air.
I firmly believe Arashi is in all actuality, an unrepentant asshole. He's one of those cats who will look you dead in the eyes and push glass vases off tables. I love him so much.
I worry about Dad on his missions. He comes home more exhausted after every one. He tells me I shouldn't because he knows what he's doing, but I can't help it.
Dad also wants me to sign the lynx summons contract, but I have no desire to become a shinobi. And if I sign the contract, I'll have to become a shinobi.
As much as I love Arashi, I'm not going to sign the contract. I told him as much. "Not wanting to be a shinobi is perfectly acceptable, Yoruka. Don't let anyone tell you differently," he tells me.
And then Mom comes back. But she's not the same as when she left. She still smiles and laughs, but there's a sadness there that wasn't before.
Yamanaka Kyoya stops babysitting me, and the rest of Mom's team is distant and sad.
Mom and her team have been running in-village missions lately, so I get to see all three of them more often.
Mom said they won't be going out of village until the Hokage assigns them a new teammate. Dad has also been running shorter missions lately, so I get to see my entire family more often.
Uncle Shikaku shows up from time to time to destroy Mom in shogi under the excuse of teaching me how to play. "No self-respecting Nara doesn't know how to play shogi," he tells me. I'm surprisingly good at the game, though I was very good at chess in my past life.
Mom and Uncle Shikaku still destroy me in the game, but I can consistently beat Dad.
"My talents are more suited to espionage, than strategy, Yoruka," he laughs after the first time I beat him.
Mom eventually gets a new Genin, though she never introduces us, so she gets sent out to the war front again.
Dad leaves a few days after; he tells me he won't be home for a while and takes me to Uncle Shikaku's.
Aunt Yoshino teaches me to cook, to keep me from worrying too much.
I don't see Uncle Shikaku much because he's busy as Jonin commander, but we play shogi when he is home.
He likes to tell me he's training me to become the next Jonin commander, I don't tell him I don't want to be a shinobi.
Neither of my parents are home for my fourth birthday, but Uncle Shikaku takes me to an Akimichi restaurant and introduces me to Akimichi Chouza.
I also get a stuffed lynx, which amuses me.
Mom comes home a few days later. "I'm so sorry about missing your birthday, dear." She smiles at me. "I got you something though," she says as she gives me a sketchbook and some very nice graphite pencils.
"Mom... these are..." I breathe out. In this world Kumo has a stranglehold on the graphite market.
"I know sweetheart, I know. I actually ran into a merchant selling these in one of the border villages." She didn't say in which country though, she could of been in the land of lightning.
Dad's been gone for too long. He didn't tell me when he was supposed to get home, but Mom is getting anxious. Mom never gets anxious around me.
Everything builds to a breaking point when an ANBU knocks on our door.
The ANBU wears a dog mask, and asks to see Nara Kuroko. Huh, that's my mom's name.
I get my mom, the ANBU hands her a scroll and shunshins away. Mom's hands shake and she falls to her knees. "No..." she whispers.
"Mom?"
She breaks down into tears, and I start. This is the first time I've seen her cry. "Yoruka," her voice breaks, "your father is..." she can't finish the sentence.
No. Nononono. Tears fall down my face and all I can hear is "Not wanting to be a shinobi is perfectly acceptable, Yoruka." But it's not. Not for me. Dad gave up his life for this village.
I know what's going to happen in the future. The village gets destroyed.
No. That's not the reason. I want revenge. Some foreign shinobi took my father from me. fall to my knees.
Mom hugs me. But I'm numb to everything besides the tears falling down my face.
The funeral is a week later. Mom has her mask up again. I'm numb. People keep giving us condolences, and I just want them to shut up.
"Not wanting to be a shinobi is perfectly acceptable, Yoruka." It's not. Nothing's ok. Mom's smile doesn't reach her eyes, the only thing I can feel is anger, Dad's dead.
"Mom," I whisper, "I want to sign Dad's contract."
She sucks in a breath.
"You don't have to, Yoruka." Of course Mom knows what I'm truly saying. She's the one who taught me doublespeak.
"I know."