We stayed there for a long time, curled in each other's arms with Hitoshi wrapped around the both of us.
The sun set and the shadows grew longer and longer until I could barely see dad's face beside mine. Only then did dad rouse himself, rising carefully on legs long since gone stiff and still cradling me to his chest. Without a word, he slowly climbed the stairs and lay the both of us down in the spare bedroom. My small single bed would never have fit all three of us and Mum and Dad's room…
I didn't dare ask where mum was or why dad had been crying all alone before.
I think I already knew.
The silence between us was unbroken for the rest of the night. Even when I soaked dad's shirt with salt water. But then again, his pillow was wet.
The fragile peace was fractured early the next morning when banging downstairs jolted the three of us from a fitful sleep. Dad looked appalling, eyes swollen and face sallow beneath his natural tan. Hitoshi was still filthy, smearing the white sheets like charcoal and I could only imagine the state I was in. When Inoichi-Oji burst up the stairs, dad had already lowered his kunai and I was swept up against my Oji-san's chest before I could blink. When he pulled back, I noticed how pale he was. Composed, and much cleaner than any of us, but I could see he had been crying as well.
Numbly, I wondered who else we'd lost.
"Thank Kami," he breathed. "I couldn't find you anywhere, Seiichi, and no one had seen Kiharu-chan since yesterday morning…" My dad sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Sorry, Inoichi. I got straight back from escorting some civilians to the hospital and then I immediately checked around for Kiharu…it wasn't until I got home last night that I found them both here already."
Inoichi nodded, still holding me tightly to his side, before hesitating. "…And, Aki?" My dad's expression darkened like a thundercloud rolling in. I closed my eyes as they stung again.
After a long moment, Tou-san cleared his throat roughly and looked back at Inoichi. "And Sora and Ino-chan and everyone? They're okay?"
Inoichi squeezed me tighter before he slowly started to speak.
Sora-oba-san was crying again.
Ino was mercifully quiet for once, down for the count in her bassinette, and I could hear my aunt's quiet sniffles even from the nursery. Carefully, carefully, I reached down and stroked one smooth cheek but Ino didn't stir as I gazed down at her.
I'd been helpless last night but… I swore I was going do everything I could to help this little warrior grow up strong and beautiful and good. I'd made a promise and I was gonna be the best nee-chan ever.
Even if Noko wasn't here anymore to help me.
I'm, I'm sorry Kiharu-chan…
Natsuko and Inokumo went out to gather everyone to the main house in the Compound. They went back for three children just before midnight.
In the confusion…Noko just…Disappeared.
Kaa-san had been found after two days, under the ruins of a house that had collapsed in a fire. She'd tried to cover those two boys with her own body.
Natsuko-oba-san was in ruins. She barely left the bed and a part of me worried she'd just fade away. I visited every few days with fresh flowers for her bedroom but she couldn't even look at me. It was okay. I knew every time she did, all she was reminded of was Noko.
It hurt to think of this as how my parents before had mourned me.
I hadn't seen Inokumo-Oji except for at a distance, keeping a silent vigil over his wife's room without ever entering.
But Noko…
Noko had just vanished. Loads of people were missing but, with most of the rubble cleared, they had been pronounced dead earlier in the week.
I wish they'd found her. Maybe then it would feel more real and not some horrible dream. Maybe then I'd be able to sleep because I'd stop dreaming of Kaa-san, Noko and Minato asking me why I'd wanted them to die.
Dad and I moved into his room after a week and we curled up in a king size bed which still felt cold despite the three bodies squished into it.
Hitoshi was my pillar at this time, as I was dad's. I didn't want to think what he would've been like if he'd been left alone like he'd originally thought. He had nightmares sometimes, horrible bloody things that had him jerking upright with a yell and a flash of kunai drawn. His chest would heave before turning to me and frantically feeling for my pulse point, only relaxing when it thumped clearly against his searching fingers.
It had only been two weeks so I let this continue but I knew it couldn't last for long.
After three weeks, I told dad I'd booked him in to see a therapist. Expectedly, he was adamantly against it. Well, up until I burst into tears at the thought of him withering away in front of me.
He went, clearly unhappy but I didn't care so long as he started getting better. When I said as much to him, the guilt on his face – a child, in his eyes I was just his little girl – had my mouth shaking again until I turned away so he wouldn't have to see.
After that, he went three times a week.
I remembered when before, an old man across the street had always told me he thought he would die before his wife. He was older and had more health issues but I also figured he couldn't bear the thought, as perhaps as selfish as it was, that he might outlive her. She died in the summer after a violent and short fight with cancer. I remember how heartbreaking his anguish had been. He'd died of a broken heart a few short months later.
I couldn't bear how similar my Tou-san and Noko's parents looked to that sweet old man after Kaa-san and Inoko…died.
Whilst dad was devastated, I was terrifyingly numb.
I had adored my mother and Noko. But I'd already lost everything before. This felt like both an old and new wound simultaneously. Like I'd lost everything all over again and yet not. Before, I'd been the one who'd left everyone behind. To be one of the survivors was jarring.
I didn't know what to feel and so I felt like there was nothing. Like a black hole almost.
The mass-funeral was to be held in three days. It had already been weeks but the…bodies…had been placed in stasis until all the rubble could be cleared and the number of dead finalised.
I'd known that the attack had been devastating in the anime but…it felt like there wasn't anyone who hadn't lost someone.
I couldn't imagine being a civilian orphan. Not only had they lost their parents but most had lost their future's too. With no family to provide education (orphanages were so busy, the lessons couldn't even be considered competent) or provide support for an apprenticeship, most of those children would be forced into the life of a shinobi. I'd known Naruto's class had been filled with Clan children, but there were three groups per year and the other two were filled with civilians hoping to make something of themselves.
And whilst the whole village was in mourning, I'd never felt so trapped before, in the house where I'd spent all my days with my mother. Because kaa-san had taken hold of the reigns of my education and helped me 'set myself up' for a life baking, I had no external routine and nowhere to run to.
At times when I felt isolated, I'd always gone to Noko's.
Which is why I found myself marching up to the gates of the Inuzuka Clan Compound.
Hana and I had stayed pretty good friends over the years, even if we only saw each other occasionally at weekends. Hana was always training with her clan as, having three Ninken, she technically had triple the work. All the serious ninja stuff had toughened her up; not that Inuzuka's could ever be called soft to begin with. But she was much more mature now.
And maybe that was what I needed.
Despite the dark atmosphere that lingered over the entire village, the compound was still noisy and, for the first time in a while, I felt like I could breathe. It was busy with dogs barking and people yelling but it felt so alive. Not joyful and in no way disrespectful, but I felt like just being here helped me focus more of those who'd lived and not the losses we'd suffered.
Tsume was lounging on her patio, Kuromaru at her feet and Kiba-chibi reclined on her chest. She looked weary and I remembered that Hana had said she'd been fighting a lot with her husband.
This was probably around the time in canon where he jumped off the radar. I'd not really seen him since that first time, even when I'd come over to see Hana. No wondered she'd looked so delighted with his attention if he normally didn't spend any time with her.
Tsume was already looking in my direction when I appeared, no doubt having either heard or smelled me (probably both) coming. She tried for a smile, one sharp canine peaking, but the dark bruises under her eyes were fooling no one. "Hana's in her room, gaki, go on in." her voice was stern but I knew it wasn't meant meanly. Wisely saying nothing, I nodded respectfully at both matriarch and ninken before quietly slipping inside.
Hana's back was to the door, curled up on her bed with a large scroll and the triplets scattered around, sleeping peacefully. She must've been really absorbed because she didn't even react until I was knocking and stepping through the door.
"Ki'aru-nee," she sighed with a smile. "What ar' you doing 'ere?"
Something in my chest loosened slightly at the familiar catch of her babyish lisp. Shhh, that's right, Hana's here, alive and strong, I soothed myself. It sounded demented, talking in my own mind, but it helped console the jagged hole where my mother's love had used to rest.
That love wasn't gone but now it throbbed with such aching loss sometimes I wondered if I was physically wounded.
"Well, that's not a nice way to great your beloved senpai, whom you love very much," I quirked a brow. There were zero pretences with that five-year-old.
She simply raised an eyebrow in return, cheeky brat. How dare she emulate me so much my own attacks fall short. This was karma, I supposed.
Flopping down next to her, I sighed loudly. "I felt a bit…trapped, in the house I mean. I've not done any baking in ages." It felt like a dirty secret, that being in there felt like mum was watching me over my shoulder and Minato waiting, ever hopeful, for his next delivery of dessert. I just…didn't feel ready.
"Well, shoot, that was the only reason I'm friends with you! It wasn't for your stellar personality, that's for sure!" Hana burst out with a smile.
I turned to gape at her, feeling a little 'tch' develop over my eye. Mortally offended at the almost-plagiarism, that had sounded scarily like something I'd say.
But, in the end, a small smile wriggled into view. Hana really was a cute kouhai.
Didn't mean I didn't try to beat her into the ground though.
…..
When I left the Inuzuka Compound almost 4 hours later, I felt much more in control. Of both the situation and my feelings.
And so, whilst still a bit high off of endorphins and adrenaline (Hana hadn't taken my punch kindly at all- maybe it was a cat/dog thing), I headed straight towards the Hokage tower before I could chicken out and run in the opposite direction.
The Sandaime had been reinstated immediately with little fanfare. It hadn't been in anyway a celebration or a happy event. Thankfully, I'd barely had to step into the tower before I saw the most welcome sight.
Genma. Thank. Kami-sama.
Now, I'd known in the anime Genma hadn't been massively wounded in the attack but, well…he was my nee-san and I'd still worried! I adored the massive idiot, you couldn't blame me. And so I was perfectly within my rights when I broke into a sprint and, ignoring the ninja he was currently speaking with, threw myself at him.
He sensed an on-coming collision and I was pretty sure that it was only the smiling faces of his colleagues that meant I wasn't immediately transformed into a senbon-porcupine. Regardless, he whirled around to face me just in time to get a mouthful of my loose hair when my arms wrapped like vices around his shoulders.
For once there was no snarky commentary or sharp retort, nothing but a fondly huffed "Squirt," whilst he valiantly ignored the chicken imitations of his fellow ninja.
Obviously, my mother-hen comments had caught on brilliantly. I wondered if I could now be credited for that headcanon.
Fully supported by the strong arms squeezing my torso (aw, I knew he loved me), I leaned back to grin broadly at my big brother-figure. The fact that he hadn't complained or dropped me and was actually grinning back at me around his senbon had stars sparkling in my eyes.
Well, until I started growing mushrooms under a purple cloud of depression. The technique was still pretty effective even when I was still being held almost three foot off the ground.
My mood change made all three choke on their tongues.
"Genma-nee!" I started sobbing. I couldn't lie…they were only half fake. "It's been three weeks and you never came to check on me!" I almost pulled the 'I thought you were dead' card but…ouch, that struck way too close for comfort. For everybody.
All three men, all dorky teenagers even if I was pretty sure two of them were in their twenties, immediately started freaking out at my tears.
Genma started shushing and violently rocking me, for Kami's sake, like I was a goddamn baby. And if I had been? Those sways would've made me vomit all over his face from pure seasickness.
Urgh, and they were the elite? Evidently, Genma's legendary coolness had yet to emerge. Either that or he'd yet to gain his sagely wisdom with children. Probably because I was his 'first kid'. I was so proud!
"I know!" Genma shouted desperately, the other two nodded furiously in agreement over his shoulder. "You should have dinner at mine tonight! There are some people I'd like you to meet?"
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up there, tiger.
Had he taken in Izumo and Kotetsu already?
EEEeeeeeeeeiii.
I was right, I was right, I was right!
I WAS his first chick! In all honesty, I'd never felt more accomplished in all my very short (current) life. Which sounded sad but this was actually just that awesome.
Immediately the fungus and dark clouds vanished as I chirped an "Okay!", making the three exchange weary but relieved glances. "But, Genma-nii-san, won't you take me to lunch now so we can catch up?" He looked uncertain for a moment before the memory of my tears had him sold. He was too relieved at the gender-appropriate title to complain about paying for two of my three meals of the day.
At least I got to check in on Teuchi aswell.
The sight of Minato's usual stool at Ichiraku, occupied by some random merchant, had me sighing regretfully.
Genma, following my gaze, reached across and rested one hand gently on my head. Pain, concealed masterfully but peaking out just for my sake, glinted in his coffee eyes and I felt bad for being so pathetic.
Genma had been infinitely closer to, had even responsible for, Minato than I could ever have been. I just gave him pies.
"He'd have hated it if you stopped just because of him."
How did he do that? Know immediately what my issue was? And normally when people spoke like that, the wishes of those lost, it pissed me off with how justified and self-righteous it sounded. Genma…he had every right to say those things.
"You know, Minato never asked for those pies to be delivered."
What? I whipped my head around to gape at the assassin.
He smirked knowingly, chopsticks halted in front of his mouth.
"You should have known he'd never have troubled you like that. But all of that first fortnight, he talked about your inauguration gift to him. Even as he was, neck deep in paperwork. He'd not had time, you see, to pop down to Ichiracku's for one. So, I passed you that note. I figured you'd do it, you seemed like the type and he was so delighted, well…"
I couldn't believe it. All that time I thought Minato had secretly been a bit of a cheeky brat under all that charisma and genuine dorkiness. I wasn't disappointed, just shocked, and I wondered how I must've seemed to him, barrelling in out of the blue with his favourite dessert twice a week.
"…Are you annoyed?" he asked, chopstick's still suspended mid-air.
"Not at all," I replied honestly and found myself smiling.
…
Six o'clock rolled around quickly. When the ramen was all gone, Genma had left me with his address and the instructions to come just after six.
Just to prove I could, I'd gone straight to the kitchen after arriving back.
The Yondaime's Sun cooked to perfection, identical to the one I'd gifted Minato all those months ago. It felt almost cathartic, making it once more. Even if I had shed a tear (just the one that dropped when I'd blinked).
So, dressed in the same cute blue yukata from earlier (at least my bum-length hair was nicely brushed with one side held back with Noko's hair grip from my last birthday), I carefully carried the massive egg custard to Genma's apartment.
As expected, it was in the shinobi sector. The buildings were spaced far apart (for privacy, I presumed) and felt a bit like a hotel complex. It was very clean if uniform.
(My street was pretty eclectic, with houses of different shapes and sizes all bundled together. It felt familiar and homely. This felt…like a prosthetic. Perfectly formed but hard, cold and never truly yours.)
I had to juggle a bit with the plate to reach the doorbell (I wasn't quite tall enough) but the door was opened almost immediately.
"Squirt," Genma greeted me, even as he stood aside to let me through. "Your old man let you go okay, I see." He commented wryly. I nodded pleasantly, looking around his undecorated hallway even as I toed off my boots and tried not to think of my father's wails and mushroom growth as the prospect of my 'abandoning him'. At least it had all been done with the same melodramatic humour as it used to.
"I brought dessert…if that's alright with you," I mumbled, suddenly shy and a bit worried I'd been presumptuous.
Genma eyed the round tin with a knowing look before nodding at me, seeming almost proud. "Thanks, kid."
Stepping in front of me, he led the way through to the kitchen. From here, I could guess at the basic layout. The corridor was a straight shot into a kitchen-dining room which was separated by a half wall from the living room. Another door, that I could see around the edge of the sofa, must have led to the main bedroom. Two other doors in the corridor, near the end, must've been for the bathroom and the spare bedroom.
I didn't really focus on that, aside from the usual childish curiosity, as my attention was almost immediately snared by the two boys wrestling on the sofa. Genma, rolling his eyes so hard I'm sure that would do them damage, stepped forward and yanked the two apart, holding them aloft by their collars.
I was instantly reminded of how Hana had been treated by the older ninken and how I had been raised by Hitoshi.
I took a moment to safely set dessert on the countertop, before stepping forwards to examine the two twelve-year-old boys still trying to fight despite their separation.
Oh, and they were shouting too. It wasn't too clear but, judging by the playing cards scattered everywhere and the bright red backs of their hands, it looked to be over a particularly vicious game of snap. I bit my lip so I wouldn't die of laughter.
"Oi, brats, I leave you alone for one minute and you almost break my couch." I clapped my hand over my mouth – geez, Kiharu they're fricking kids – "and I told you, if you break it, you pay for it," he shook them a bit to illustrate his point and I was reminded so much of Yoshino I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Both boys- yep, that was definitely Izumo and Kotetsu- snapped their heads round to look at me. And then immediately went bright steaming red, eyes popped wide.
Okay, weird.
But it was so adorable anyway I couldn't help beaming at them, delighted.
Kotetsu started wiggling, "G-G-Genma! Let us down!" he growled, face still beet-red and eyes glancing furiously between Izumo and I. The quieter boy gulped audibly before smiling sweetly and I winked at him in response.
I wanted them now- Forget Genma, I'd be their Mother!
Genma looked heavily amused at this point, even as I bowed and introduced myself; "Hi, I'm Kiharu Dazai!" The assassin dropped the boys, who both just about managed to get their feet under them in time to save the remains of their dignity. As one they rushed forward, Kotetsu almost bounding up to me as he said, at the same time as his best friend,
"-Izumo Kamizuki-"
"-Kotetsu Hagane-"
"And I'm Genma now come on, I'm hungry, brats."
Both boys immediately sent devil glares at their new guardian but I was definitely in the mood for food. Reaching forwards and grabbing their hands in mine, I pulled them behind me as I raced back into the kitchenette. I'd not even noticed, too distracted before by the brawl, the wok full of Katsu curry steaming on the hob. Dropping the boy's unresponsive hands, I flew to my seat.
Out of all the countless things Dad and I had in common, our love for Katsu burned brightly. I, of course, considered my own devotion twice his as I'd adored it in my previous life just as much. So there.
Genma snorted at something behind me but he was a weird guy so I ignored it in favour of watching him serve up the ambrosia* with a side of rice and green beans. Slowly the boys took their places across from me (I don't know why they were so slow and what was with that redness still?). When we'd all been served, we raised our chopsticks in union.
"Itadakimasu!"
The first bite was glorious and I'm fairly sure my eye-smile was glowing (I'd been practising and it felt super weird) I was so happy. For some reason, Izumo choked and Kotetsu had to pat him on the back a few times. I sent them both a weird look – how could you choke on this glory?- before turning adoring eyes on Genma. Each word rang with sincerity and my expression burned with the strength of my emotion-
"I love you, Nee-chan."
Now all three of them were choking. I take it all back, they're all dorks.
Once the guys had all gotten their breath back, I was regaled with stories of the academy (the boys were due to graduate in March). At one point, I forced myself to ask if they were living with Genma now, knowing there was no way I could have known without doing this. Still, I felt like an asshole, even if they took it well and I'd not exactly directly asked how Kyuubi had orphaned them. The fandom never knew why though…
"It's Okay, Kiharu-chan," Izumo smiled gently as picked up his rice bowl. "My Obaa-san isn't around anymore so it was just Kotetsu and me." He glanced at his friend, both sad, and I didn't fail to notice how he hadn't mentioned what had happened to the Haganes. We were all thoughtful and, up to now, I'd managed to avoid thinking about …everything… all evening. I thought the boys were probably the same.
"Yeah and then they literally ran into me, " Genma interrupted, voice slightly louder as if to diffuse the solemn atmosphere that had started to settle. "And then the next thing I know, there's two more mouths to feed and my place is a tip." He finished with a groan but the fond tilt of his lips ruined the effect.
It did the trick though as the boys scowled at him.
"We're not hobo's, ya know!" Kotetsu rolled his eyes.
I giggled again and leaned forward conspiratorially. My smile may have been a tad evil.
"You know, Genma rudely almost knocked me down the first time we met!" The boys looked surprised and then incensed on my behalf whilst Genma looked a trifle betrayed at my little twist to the tale. "And then he tried to make it all my fault!"
"Liar," the man in question drawled, even as he gathered up the plates and dumped them in the sink. Grabbing four smaller plates from the cupboard and four forks, he moved my dessert over to the table. Adequately distracted, the boys leaned closer. "What's this?" Izumo asked, surprised. In response, I smiled and told him I'd made us all dessert, to which the boys looked delighted.
Bottomless pits, I swear. And that was coming from me.
When Genma gestured to me to do the honours, I felt a bit ridiculous but took off the cover anyway. The boys, even Genma, leaned in curiously. "What is it, Kiharu-chan? It smells-" Kotetsu breathed in deeply "-Reaaallly good!" smiling proudly, glad they seemed a bit impressed, I started cutting up slices. "It's called Yondaime's Sun Tart." And I laughed a little at the surprise on their faces.
"That's how I met Genma again- Minato-sama always craved it in the office, so Genma kept sending me messages to deliver them to the Hokage Tower!" I laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of the story, appreciating Genma's throaty chuckle as he joined in. If he was laughing at me or the funny expressions on the boy's red (again?) faces, I couldn't tell, but I revelled in the rare sound nonetheless.
"Cooool~" they spoke in tandem and I grinned in thanks, feeling my age (7) now more than ever.
Thankfully, after all the hype, they both seemed to genuinely enjoy it. They'd wolfed down two large slithers each before groaning in defeat. I knew what they meant, I could only just get halfway on my seconds and Minato had eaten a whole one unphased!
Genma had sat back, slowly nursing his own slice with a slightly forlorn expression. He looked much more mature than his 19 years. It was strange to think I was, memory-wise, older than him. This body, this brain, had all the developments of a seven-year-old and so, even if my memories were of a girl technically 27 (combined), I was for all intents and purposes a kid. I had all these 'years' stuffed in my head but I didn't actually feelthem, I didn't feel old. I was a kid. Just with the personality and the memories of someone older. I was glad- there was no way I was ever gonna date Genma and if I had maintained my 'age', going for anyone my actual age would've felt like pedophilia. Or, at the very least, like being a cougar. Yuck.
But anyway, I left the senbon-wielder be for now, as his thoughts didn't seem at risk of nose-diving anytime soon. Thoughtfulness did not equal depression.
But it was getting pretty dark out and I really didn't want to worry my dad. He was still far, far too skittish. It was understandable but I was quite concerned about how his protective behaviour was going to evolve when I got older. I'd need my freedom and independence, after all.
By the time I'd extracted myself from the boys (the trio of them whom, I was fairly sure, were going to end up labelled 'My Boys'), I'd promised to come round on Saturday about four times before Izumo and Kotetsu were satisfied. They were still acting a bit weird when Kotetsu blushed scarlet when I'd hugged him and Izumo looked a bit faint.
Honestly, I was like they'd never met a civilian girl before. I wasn't that different from academy girls, right?
On the other hand, I'd never seen Genma laugh so much. Even if it was at the weirdest time and when nothing funny had even been said. Nevermind, the boys seemed to make him happier and that was what mattered.
Dad was, of course, waiting for me around the corner.
That man, I swear…
He'd held my hand tightly in his as we walked back home. When he'd casually (meaning, so obviously it hurt that he was a shinobi and yet so transparent) started quizzing me about the two boys I'd been hugging, I zoned him out with ease. He was being weird too. The streets were pretty empty and it was dark by now so I was glad I'd not have to walk by myself. I thought about how, for the first time since that night, I'd been able to think of other things. To laugh and smile without feeling crushed with guilt.
It had been…nice.
….
Three days later, the mass memorial for all who had died, shinobi, civilian and child, was held.
The Sandaime gave a speech, genuine and solemn and final, and then offerings were given and at one point I had started crying. Dad was the strong one between us and Hitoshi had bowed his head but, if Panthers could cry, I think he would have been. Yuri-oba-san from the dress shop had caught my eye and smiled sadly at me even as I tried not to look at Natsuko-oba, who was being half carried by Inokumo-Oji. I was glad, on some level, that they seemed to have come together again. Mostly I feared that things between us would never be the same again. Not that it ever really could have been, without Noko.
We'd stayed there for a long time, even as the ceremony finished and people started leaving. I exchanged tiny waves with Izumo, Kotetsu and Hana. Tsume had nodded and Genma had caught my eye for a long moment at one point.
Eventually, though, it was just the three of us once more. Dad was silent, fingers brushing the cool stone of the memorial that had been completed just in time. Hitoshi said nothing (He'd barely spoken the past few weeks but I knew he was undoubtedly remembering the passing of his own kind), only leaning his huge head against my side.
When we left, hours later, I felt like dad had finally started to heal. Not a lot, it would take years for this loss to scar but…I thought, maybe…his heart bled just a little less.
*-food of the gods.
A/N- sorry for the issues with this chapter the first time around!