Chapter 4 – Like I loved you
Lexa
Lexa woke up at 0500. she swung her legs out of her bed and set about getting ready. The sun was barely up a red and orange haze in the sky. She made her way into the small kitchen and had her usual breakfast of bacon and egg on white bread with a cup of orange juice. As if on autopilot, she washed up her dishes, dried them and put them away before walking back to her bunk. Waking up Maddie as she needed to get ready as well.
She opened her wardrobe and reached in for one of the coat hangers that held her uniforms. She laid her outfit across her bed.
She found herself staring at the white tiles in front of her, one hand resting on the wall as she let the hot water pore down her. She'd already washed but the emptiness in her chest had gotten heavier as she lost herself in thought about the song, she heard two weeks ago.
The truth was though, that Lexa couldn't think. She didn't know what to think. Her mind was as empty as her chest and it almost made her feel sick. She'd felt this way for the past 9 months.
Two men approached from the end of her block. They both raised their hands in salute, making Lexa let out a quiet chuckle.
"At ease, gentlemen."
The men simultaneously relaxed before one reached for her bags and the other pulled her into a tight hug.
"Just make sure you get home safe and sound, okay? We'll miss you," The other man said, returning from the truck.
"I'll do my best, Chris," She smiled again in his direction.
She gave Chris a hug and took a deep breath as they separated. She nodded at her friends and sighed. "Well, time to go save the world."
She gently brushed by them and made her way to the truck, pausing once more to admire the base. Spotting Lindsey glaring at her across the road with folded arms, Lindsey's lips twitched upwards before she called back "You better fucking be on time for your own party when you get back you only turn 21 once!"
"That was one time! Let it go!"
"Never!"
"Just get your ass over here, I leave for twelve months!"
Lindsey's grin turned very quickly to a frown as she started jogging over the tarmac. "Yes, Staff Sergeant"
She hopped out of the Ranger and paused, taking in the sight of the large base that she had called her second home and thought back to the previous weeks when she had found out that she was getting deployed on her first tour.
"Lexa, lex, I mean, Staff Sergeant wood!" Maddie shouted as she took a seat next to lexa.
Lexa was exhausted. She had just touched down in Afghanistan and was waiting to leave the plane. The flight had been long and hot and uncomfortable and all she wanted to do was sleep. Her brain was fried from constantly thinking about every possible situation that she will deal with and what she was about to do for her country. One by one the soldiers got off the plane, forming two orderly lines to pick up their gear and get themselves processed to their new base.
There was loud laughing and shouting all around as troops were getting ready for bed, there was music playing and someone's horrific screeching along to Taylor swift, Lexa couldn't help but smile at the sound as she walked to her sleeping quarters.
Clarke
Clarke was having a hard time trying to find out what her next song was going to be. She didn't want to be that artist who had their heart broken and just sang about that but all she could write was sad songs.
She decided to go out for a night out with the girls, Raven, Octavia, Echo, Anya and a new addition to the group Brooke. They were having a good time and for the first time in months she wasn't thinking of Lexa. She was very drunk but she was with people who love her. She had her had on Anya`s shoulder telling the girl she loved her and that she misses girls' night. Anya suggested that they do it once a month, Clarke smiles at the idea.
"You have to tell her Anya" Clarke herd from her position in the bar toilet.
"I can't this is the first time I've seen her smile in nearly a year, I'm not going to ruin that. Lexa may be my sister but she fucked up, she fucked Clarke up. I can't give her that power anymore"
"What if something happens to her, Clarke will never forgive you" raven yelled at her girlfriend
"She only going for 12 months she will be fine I'll tell Clarke when she home, I promise, I just want to see her happy and not worrying"
"Fuck sake Anya, you tell her of I will. Lexa is my best friend, she wouldn't want us too keep this a secret"
"She leaves in the morning. I spoke to her yesterday; she wants for her to move on and hopes they can be friends at some point"
"Let's get back out there, but you need to tell Clarke that Lexa is being deployed"
Clarkes heart dropped as she heard the last 4 words. Deployed, deployed. That's the last thing she remembers that night as she decided to drink the bar dry.
Two months later
Still, no one had told Clarke that Lexa had been deployed, she had been working on a song. She was caught up on words from that night. Still be friend and hope she moves on. Does that mean Lexa didn't love her like she loved Lexa. She was releasing the song tonight on a TV show she had an interview with.
Here she was waiting backstage feeling sick. She was about to tell the world how she felt again. But here she went.
"so, Clarke you seem to have done a 180 when it comes to your music, all happy and in love to sad and broken hearted. Is there hope for all those single guys and gals out there, you are very attractive I'm sure you get asked out a lot"
"haha, yes john, I do get asked out, but I'm focussing on me for now, shall we get this song out there"
"Take it away Clarke"
Lexa
The unit Lexa was in was called The Grounders. She got on well with the unit, she was called commander still, now if was for a different reason. Over the last two months she had taken out countless enemies and not once did she show any emotion. Even when she had been shot, she just pulled the bullet out and patched herself up.
They had some down time. They were in the tent watching some tv show, lexa wasn't paying much attention until she heard a familiar voice. For the first time in months she felt. She hated it.
"Take it away Clarke"
"Would've thought you wrote down every word
Goodbye spelled out like it had been rehearsed
There ain't no point in trying to change your mind
Seems like
You've got it all figured out
You're alright
With the way this is going down
Don't tell me we can still be friends
Hanging on the weekend
You're gonna be okay if I start seeing somebody new
You hope that I do
It won't be long
'Til I forget to call every time that I'm drinking
And you ain't the love song
I can't keep from singing
I gotta be honest
If you really believe that's the truth
You never loved me like I loved you
By the way you're talking you would think
You never had any real feelings for me
And if you think I can look across the bar
And see you in someone else's arms
And I need you
Oh, who do you think you are?
Trying to tell me we can still be friends
Hanging on the weekend
You're gonna be okay if I start seeing somebody new
You hope that I do
It won't be long
'Til I forget to call every time that I'm drinking
And you ain't the love song
I can't keep from singing
I gotta be honest
If you really believe that's the truth
You never loved me like I loved you
You always told me
You'd never leave me
You said I was your one and only
So what makes you think I wanna hear you say
We can still be friends
No, I don't wanna be friends
Stop telling me, stop telling me, whoa
That we can still be friends
Hanging on the weekend
You're gonna be okay if I start seeing somebody new
You hope that I do
It won't be long
'Til I forget to call every time that I'm drinking
And you ain't the love song
I can't keep from singing
I gotta be honest
If you really believe that's the truth
You never loved me like I loved you
You never loved me like I loved you
You never loved me like I loved you"
Did she really think I didn't love her the same.
"Someone fucked up with her. Id never let her go she hot"
Lexa stood up so abruptly she knocked over the chair and table. Not saying a word, she walked out the tent. For the first time her unit saw feelings on the commander's face, pain, anger and sadness. No one said anything, they where all confused but shrugged it off thinking she was just tired from the mission.
Lexa was hurt the some wasn't true. She loved Clarke more then she would ever know. When she was far enough away, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a picture. It was of her and Clarke on Lexa's 18th. The blonde had arms around the brunette's neck smiling at the camera as Lexa looked lovingly at Clarke with a massive smile on her face. She loved Clarke she always will.