Recall

By Lumendea

Chapter Sixteen: Recalled by the First IV

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the spinoff material, and I gain no income off of this story, just the satisfaction of playing with the characters.

AN: I'm panicking over how fast Gaia is growing up in this story! The Fourth Doctor is up next and I'm still debating between a Romana II era visit or another round with the UNIT folks so they can see her older. Thoughts?

….

The Doctor was grateful for Susan's gentle presence. Gaia's impish nature was clear to him and he knew that at times, he could veer in that direction himself. Susan, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the responsibility of looking after Gaia. When they'd finally returned to the TARDIS, Gaia's energy levels had been crashing. For as much as she was a young Gallifreyan, she was still young and had been awake for many hours. Susan had seen to helping Gaia get cleaned up, though the girl was already fairly comfortable with such tasks. It was another hint that she was certainly not only recently loomed.

Moving around the TARDIS controls, the Doctor debated his next course of action with himself. The child was exhausted so trying to meet up with another incarnation of himself to pass her off seemed irresponsible. Susan was getting the child ready for bed; she'd eaten and was worn out from playing in the park. All in all, he felt they'd done a good job given her sudden appearance.

Perhaps he should set a message for the morning. Then again, his future self would remember this event. Gaia was a circular paradox. She would be born because he'd met her. Though, the Doctor knew that wasn't the only reason. Being around the girl with her open and honest affection was… pleasant. Just thinking about it brought forth more questions regarding his future. He knew they were dangerous. Gaia was doing an admirable job of protecting him from future knowledge, as well as could be expected.

No reason to worry about sending a message, he decided. He stepped away from the TARDIS console and considered what to do now. Susan had indicated that she was going to work on her homework once she put Gaia to bed. It wasn't very late, but he didn't want to leave the TARDIS with both Gaia and Susan on it. Perhaps some time in the library. Hearing the girls discuss human classical literature had made him a touch nostalgic, and he hadn't yet read everything they'd spoken about.

But then Susan entered the console room. She had a stunned and nervous expression on her face, which made her look very young. Immediately, the Doctor stepped toward her as worry flared in his chest.

"Susan?" the Doctor asked. "What is it?" Susan hesitated and focused her attention on the TARDIS console. "Is Gaia alright?"

"She's fine. I tucked her in." Susan tried to smile. "She was a little put out that you weren't doing it." The Doctor was a touch surprised. That was… very hands-on. He was surprised that Susan had even thought of doing such a human thing. "Grandfather, Gaia has a belly button." The words came out in a rush and the Doctor blinked. "I'm not sure that she was loomed. It… well, it would explain her age, wouldn't it?"

Not loomed. A belly bottom. That likely meant that she was womb born. The Doctor was stunned by the very notion but quickly recovered himself. It didn't necessarily mean what Susan thought it might.

"The loom system might change between when we left Gallifrey and when Gaia is created." That wasn't likely. "Or she was made on another planet completely. It doesn't do for us to try and see into the future."

"Yes, Grandfather."

But Susan didn't look convinced. "What is it, my dear?"

"I'm nervous, I suppose," Susan said. "I know it's dangerous to know your own future, but it is so tempting to ask Gaia questions."

"Yes, it is," the Doctor agreed. But he could tell that wasn't all of it. "What else, Susan?"

"Spending time with Gaia today, out in the world like that, it made me think about what kind of future I want." Susan spoke in a soft and low voice as if ashamed by the thoughts. "The idea of having a child and spending time with them like that. Being close and so warm… it's different from on Gallifrey, but I think I want that kind of life."

The Doctor wasn't sure what to say to Susan. He was still trying to understand that kind of future for himself. But he could certainly see the appeal, and Susan couldn't even feel the warm, thriving paternal connection he had with Gaia.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with that, Susan." The Doctor gripped his lapels as Susan looked at him hopefully. "Obviously, it is a path that I will walk in the future. Life on Gallifrey isn't a good fit for everyone. There is a dark side of the expectations and the drive to create Time Lords." He paused and studied his granddaughter. "You don't have to decide now, of course, but you are Gallifreyan and not a Time Lady. You can decide to live a different sort of life if you wish."

"Do you regret your marriage to Grandmother?"

The Doctor paused. He was honestly surprised to even hear Susan refer to his estranged wife. He had the immediate urge to reassure her that he did not, but he took a moment to consider the question seriously.

"No," he decided a moment later. "I do not. It is not what I wanted, but who I was at the time felt that I should try to fulfil those obligations. And while your father and I do not have a close relationship, I should never regret you."

Susan smiled, and the Doctor thought he felt a flutter of warmth from her. Their connection was weak, but maybe that would change as they travelled. If nothing else, it made him a little more confident about the notion of having Gaia one day and being a hands-on father. Stepping closer to his granddaughter, he kissed her forehead gently.

"Take care of your homework, Susan," the Doctor told her. "Unless you've changed your mind?"

"No, Grandfather. I'm still enjoying this era." She was smiling again and with amusement shining in her eyes, heading deeper into the TARDIS for her room.

The Doctor allowed himself a sigh and tried to clear his mind. Wondering would do him no good. In fact, there was another layer of danger to it. Humans had all sorts of quaint sayings regarding destiny. Now, Gaia was something like that. Attempts he made to either ensure her or avoid her carried risks. It was better to simply live his life and allow the casual time loop to come into play in its own time. No matter how long it took.

He sighed again, louder this time and shook his head. Leaving the console room, he headed down the corridors and stopped when he noted an unfamiliar door. Unlike the others, this door was made of wood. Stepping forward, he eased the door open and looked inside.

It was a new bedroom. It was simple but already more elaborate than most of the bedrooms in the TARDIS. Only his and Susan's rooms had any manner of personalization. Gaia was tucked into a wooden bed with built-in shelves. Her duvet was a soft blue colour that matched the walls that he could see from the stream of light pouring into the room from the corridor.

Gaia was asleep in the bed and thankfully didn't stir as he peered at her. Despite knowing better, he cast his eyes around the room. The Doctor was relieved as he noted there were no photographs or personal items that could give him dangerous hints. She'd mentioned earlier that the TARDIS would have a room for her. Was this going to be her room one day? He blinked at the idea. Oddly, that made it all much more real.

Backing out of the room, the Doctor gently closed the door and headed down the corridor for his room. This had been quite the day, and he had a feeling that tomorrow would likely be another busy day. He decided that getting some rest was a wise idea.

…..

The next morning, during a breakfast of eggs, more bananas and toast, Susan announced that she was going to take a day off from school due to Gaia's visit. The Doctor was more than happy to make use of the dusty phone in the TARDIS to call her in. With a whole day to explore London, the girls made a list of things they wanted to see, and Susan helped Gaia find some clothing that fit her in the wardrobe room.

The Doctor itched to head for another planet, to do something different, but dislike the thought of disappointing the two. Somehow, London was proving plenty interesting to them. Gaia had said that she was usually only present in the past for a day or two, which meant that his future self could arrive at any time. He pointedly ignored the notion of sending out a signal. Given the amount of time that Susan had them spending on Earth, he was confident that his future self would remember where he'd parked.

A few hours later, the Doctor was not so much regretting his decision as he was getting a touch tired. His older physical body just wasn't built to keep up with an excited five-year-old and her niece who was thrilled to have someone who shared her fascination with humans. Keeping up with a pair of very curious girls as they rushed around the British Museum was a lot. At least he got a break and a rest when their stomachs started to grumble and he declared that it was lunchtime. Susan chose a café near the museum and the Doctor enjoyed the chance to get off his feet. Of course, the pair drew a bit of attention discussing the eventual return of many of the British Museum treasures to their home countries in the future. After the third patron eyed them with a frown, the Doctor pushed for a change in the conversation.

Gaia slowed down in the afternoon and the Doctor was reminded of how young she was. He and Susan bundled the girl onto another bus heading back towards Foreman's junkyard. His future daughter fell asleep on the bus, leaning against him and snuggling into his side. If the Doctor stroked her hair a little while Susan looked on with a smile, no one needed to know.

"Gaia," the Doctor called gently as they approached their stop. "Wake up, my dear. We're almost back to the TARDIS."

She woke slowly, blinking those large blue eyes of hers slowly with lingering confusion. Susan cooed a little at the sight Gaia made. The Doctor supposed that she was… rather cute. In that way, that nature usually made young to make sure that their parents didn't abandon them in the wilds. The Doctor felt uneasy at that thought and it brought back every little doubt he had regarding his ability to be a parent. He was so young himself. He only had his children and a grandchild in Susan because of the insistence of his family that he produce offspring quickly.

"I'm awake, Daddy," Gaia murmured. She sat up and yawned while she rubbed at her eyes.

"You can take a proper nap back at the TARDIS."

The bus came to a stop, and the Doctor took Gaia's hand to keep her close as they departed. Her hand was warm against his and the Doctor glanced back to check on Susan. His granddaughter was watching them with a soft smile that he didn't like. She caught his expression, and the smile shifted into a mischievous grin.

"It's a pity we can't keep Gaia, isn't it, Grandfather?"

"I believe she will be much better off with an incarnation of me that aligns with her." And hopefully knows something about raising children, he added silently. He was learning with Susan, but Gaia was such a young child in comparison.

The Doctor and the girls came to a sudden stop as they reached the entrance to the junkyard. Another TARDIS, this one slightly larger, but in the same Police Public Call Box shape, was standing a few feet away from theirs. A tall man was leaning against the second blue box and grinned when caught sight of them.

"Daddy!" Gaia shrieked. She threw herself at the man, who immediately dropped to his knees and scooped up the small girl.

"Hello, sweetheart," the man cooed. He kissed Gaia's cheek and held her close as she hugged him.

The Doctor took in the tall man in boots, jeans, a dark jumper and a leather jacket. It was a style choice that surprised him. He studied the man he would be with both interest and fear. Regeneration… that terrifying and mysterious event ahead of him. They learned about it at the Academy, but no one ever explained it well enough to soothe his worries.

His older counterpart was watching him with a hint of nostalgia. The Doctor almost asked which regeneration he was, but Gaia made that dangerous. It would reveal far too much about the path of his future. How long would it take for him to be welcomed back home? Would he and Susan's grandmother agree to create Gaia or he would be married again? Why would he be raising her in such a human fashion?

"Wow, you're young." His older self chuckled and shook his head. Yet he was grinning. "So much ahead of you."

"Nothing you can discuss."

"No, and I'm not going to." The smile faded a bit. "Tempting to though. A lot is ahead of you. Not all of it good."

"I wouldn't expect it to be all good." He gripped his lapels and studied the man before him. His eyes were so old. "But… it isn't all bad." The Doctor said the last words with a nod toward Gaia.

"No. Not all bad."

The little girl grinned at them both, satisfaction glowing in her eyes. She had the same eyes as the man holding her, the Doctor realized. The children of Time Lords weren't always guaranteed to look like the incarnation that fathered them. It likely pleased his future self to see such a clear sign of his current self in the child.

"Thanks for looking after her," the future Doctor said. He set Gaia down and she beamed at their little group. "As you've probably guessed, this is one massive circular time loop. So you don't need to change your memories. Time will dull some of the details naturally. It'll all work out."

Susan stepped forward now while the Doctor digested the words of his older future incarnation. His other self's gaze immediately shifted to Susan, a flicker of grief flashing in his eyes that the Doctor dearly wished he hadn't noticed. His fears that Susan's one life would be spent before Gaia was born were likely true. Still, his future self rallied and smiled warmly at their grandchild.

"Hello, Susan."

"Hello, Grandfather," Susan greeted with a smile. Her eyes flicked over him. "I like the jacket."

"Thanks." He grinned at her and stepped closer, opening his arms. "It's great to see you, Susan." If her name was a bit chocked up, the Doctor pretended not to notice.

Susan took the invitation and hugged his future self. It was a painful verification that he'd likely used up Susan's time. Her one life was no match for the lives ahead of him. The Doctor wasn't sure if he should hope this man was far in his future so he had time to visit Susan in multiple lives or close so he could have Gaia in his life. There were reasons why knowing your future was dangerous and he was now living one that people didn't speak of.

Gaia skipped to him, leaving his older self to hold Susan and speak with her in a low voice. The Doctor focused his attention on his future child. If his future self had things to say to Susan, then he would pretend that he didn't catch that. He would have to trust himself not to break Time. Hopefully, he wouldn't become a fool.

"It's time for me to go, Daddy," Gaia said softly. Her gaze was a little sad.

"I will miss you, my dear child," the Doctor told Gaia. Her blue eyes brightened, and he was glad that he'd said those words. "Take care of your father."

"I will, Daddy." She stepped closer and hugged him tightly. "I love you very much, Daddy. No matter what."

His knees almost gave out at the wave of pure adoration that washed over him. Tears prickled at his eyes. The Doctor gently ran his fingers over Gaia's smooth ginger hair. Then she released her grip on him and stepped back. He smiled and nodded, unsure of what to say. His older self gave him a sympathetic look as Gaia turned her attention to Susan. The pair hugged while the Doctor and his future self simply watched each other. He had so many questions, but none of them would be answered today. The girls whispered to each other for a moment and Susan kissed Gaia's forehead before letting her go.

"Take care of yourselves," Susan called to them. She stepped over to join him, pressing her shoulder to his arm.

"All my love to long ago," his future self said, giving them one more look.

Then Gaia and her father vanished into their TARDIS, leaving the Doctor and Susan standing in near the entrance. A moment later, the familiar wheezing of the TARDIS filled the junkyard and the second blue box faded from view.