Author's Note: TW for references to self-harm and thoughts of self-harm, language. Please know that I am so glad you exist! You are loved!

Guest reviews: TW!

Urgwaew: Thanks so much for your kind review! The last chapter did have more fluff but had serious undertones. I love how you worded that! As I've said before, I'm not a licensed therapist, but I've taken various mental health trainings both for my job, clubs, and on my own to help those I love. From my training and education, I know that using explicit language when asking questions to someone who is having thoughts of self-harm or suicide. On the receiving end, I know that it's uncomfortable. It's not fun. On the end who is asking the questions, I know how important it is. The explicit language does not allow for a vague answer and gets to the heart of the matter. And I'm so glad you liked the flashback! It was a spur of the moment thing when I wrote it and I liked it too, so I'm so glad to hear your feedback! I also am so glad that Harry and Draco's relationship growth seems realistic. That was a huge concern of mine so I appreciate the feedback! And please no worries at all about the messaging! There's never any pressure and I appreciate you just as you are! No worries at all! I totally understand! I appreciate your reminder and I hope that YOU know that you are loved! I hope you like this chapter!

The way it worked out, Harry's final exam was History of Magic with Sirius. Harry had finished rather quickly and was sure he had gotten an O.

"All done, Mr. Potter?" Sirius asked as Harry turned his exam in.

"Yes, Professor," Harry replied, giving Sirius a small, but tired, smile.

Sirius had a small raised eyebrow and said, "Okay, back to your seat."

Harry rolled his eyes at Sirius, knowing he was just being his dramatic self. Harry turned and quietly walked back to his seat. He pulled out a book to read, but he wasn't able to concentrate on it because his head was so overwhelmed with all of the information he had crammed in this week.

Harry occasionally looked up at Sirius who had, naturally, grabbed Harry's exam to grade it immediately. Harry was a bit nervous as Sirius kept using the red quill, but he felt better as Sirius gave Harry a marauder signal of 'good job'. It was like the muggle 'ok' sign, but upside down and at his side.

Harry couldn't help but grin, thankful to have some feedback.

About ten minutes later, Sirius got up and discreetly placed the exam back on Harry's desk. It said, 'There is a notice-me-not charm on this exam so only you and I can see it. Feel free to go through it, but pretend like you are reading your book'.

Harry turned his head to look at his godfather, but Sirius was walking through the rows of desks and glancing at exams. Harry smiled and started to read the comments Sirius had made. Right at the top of his paper was a giant 'O', causing Harry to grin. There were some academic comments like, 'Nice point' and 'Good job remembering the date' but most of the comments were completely unrelated. One read 'Moony could never hope of writing an essay this good' or 'I really hate red quills, you know? I should just give in and use a red pen. Your mother loved pens and always wanted us to use them.'

Harry smiled as he read through the comments. A few made him chuckle and caused Sirius to look up at him from his desk, raising his eyebrow. This caused Harry to chuckle even harder knowing that Sirius had caused this in the first place.

Eventually, the exam was over. Harry shoved his essay in his book and then his book in his bag.

"Congratulations, you are officially done with your exams!" Sirius said, smiling at his students.

The Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students cheered. Ron and Ernie threw up some papers in celebration (and then Hermione and Susan had them pick them up because it's not the end of the year and they might need them).

As soon as Ron had picked up his papers, he stood up on a chair and cupped his hands around his mouth, "Party in the Gryffindor Common Room an hour from now." Ron opened his mouth to say more, but then met the eyes of Sirius.

"You, uh, didn't hear that, did you, Professor?" Ron asked, grimacing.

"I heard nothing," Sirius confirmed his smile twitching.

Ron grinned.

"But if I did hear something, I would remind you all to be safe and make good choices. And do not get too out of control. You all still have a train to catch tomorrow," Sirius added.

"Thanks, Professor!" Ron said.

"C'mon, Ron! We need to get ready!" Dean said, urging the red-haired boy off the chair.

Ron got off the chair and started to follow Dean before he looked at Harry. "You coming, Harry?"

Harry turned to look at Sirius who gave him a nod and a smile. "Yeah, I'll be there!" Harry called back to Ron. Ron grinned again and left the classroom, followed by the other students.

Quickly, it was just Harry and Sirius in the classroom.

"You finished, Pup! Midterms are over," Sirius told him with a smile, patting him on the back.

"Doesn't feel like it yet," Harry admitted.

"Remus was always that way. And so was your mom. James and I, man we could forget about it as soon as it was done. Those two, however, needed time to decompress. It's okay if you need time, Bud," Sirius told him kindly.

Harry sort of shrugged off the advice. While it was true, he was too tired to do any sort of critical thinking. Sirius noticed this and said, "Why don't you take a short rest before the party tonight, hm? I think it'd do you good."

"Are you sure you are alright with me going?" Harry asked.

"Of course. As long as you're safe. I can't lecture you on school parties considering my track record," Sirius said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Harry let out a feeble chuckle, still too tired to even think.

Sirius' face softened as he saw the sheer exhaust on his son's face. "It's no longer a choice. Come on, Pup. Let's get you to bed," Sirius ordered softly, leading Harry out of the room.

"I'll be okay, Dadfoot," Harry weakly resisted.

"Harry, do you know the date?" Sirius asked kindly, still leading Harry to their quarters.

Harry thought hard for a moment, scrunching his face.

"I thought so. Love, you don't even know what day it is. You're taking a rest."

Harry didn't have any energy to fight back so he just nodded.

It didn't take long before Sirius was tucking Harry into his bed. "I'm proud of you, Harry. You did well."

"Thanks, Dadfoot," Harry said, already closing his eyes.

"Sweet dreams," Sirius whispered, kissing Harry on the head before tip-toeing out of the room.

Harry woke up about two hours later. He rubbed his eyes and grabbed his glasses before slowly rolling out of bed.

"Hi, Pup," Sirius said with a smile as Harry walked out of the room.

"Hi, Dadfoot. Is Moony Da still working?" Harry asked.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, you know he has some students to finish with and, of course, the last-minute emergencies. Are you okay? Did you need him?" Sirius asked, concern in his voice.

Harry quickly shook his head. "No, Dadfoot. I'm okay. I was just wondering, I promise," Harry reassured him.

Sirius' face lightened and he nodded. "Good. Reach out if you need help."

"I will. Besides, the party is tonight, so I will get ready and leave if that's okay."

"Of course, Pup. I'll tell this to you again when you leave, but please be safe."

"I will, I will," Harry reassured Sirius, working hard to not roll his eyes.

"Go get ready, Kid," Sirius told him with a smile.

Harry smirked back and went back to his room to get ready. He changed his clothes and tried to fix his hair. He brushed his teeth and then went back out to Sirius who was grading papers.

"How do I look?" Harry asked.

Sirius looked up from his grading and smiled. "Like a fifth-year who's done with midterms."

"I'll see you later, Dadfoot," Harry said, giving Sirius a quick hug.

"Love you, Pup. Be safe and get us if you need anything."

"I will, I promise. Bye!" Harry said, heading out the door.

Harry made his way to the Gryffindor Common Room. When the portrait opened, Harry was greeted by many dancing teenagers, loud music, and a lot of crazy.

"Harry! You made it!" Rin said, coming towards him.

Harry stepped inside, being led by his friend. "We got the fifth years and up celebrating the end of midterms. Hermione is trying to keep the younger ones away, but Ginny managed to sneak down here," Ron said, rolling his eyes.

"Here," Ron said as they kept walking, "have a drink."

Harry looked down at the drink that was thrust into his hand. "What is it?"

"Butterbeer. Fred and George have some Firewhiskey if you want it, though."

"Nah, I'm good," Harry said, sipping his drink.

"Ron! Come over here!" Seamus shouted.

"You're good right? I gotta go," Ron said, heading towards their friend.

Harry nodded and walked around before finding a place by the wall. He watched his friends party and celebrate for a while until Neville came over. "Hey, Harry,"

"Hey, Neville," Harry said, giving his friend a small smile.

"Glad you made it,"

"Yeah," Harry shrugged in reply.

Neville studied him for a while and said, "I know, it's a lot for me as well. But it is so nice just to be able to relax. We don't have anything to worry about for weeks!"

Harry felt his stomach flip at Neville's words but didn't say anything. Instead, he managed to grin at Neville and say, "I'm so glad you can finally relax. You deserve it. Are you staying with your Gran for Christmas?"

Neville nodded. "Yeah, but we are going somewhere warm. I'm not sure where, but the Longbottoms have loads of places. It'll be great."

"I'm glad. It sounds like fun."

"It will be. Oh, Ginny's calling me. See you later, Harry," Neville said, walking off.

It wasn't even a moment before Fred and George came onto Harry now.

"Harry-!"

"-You're here!"

"We're so glad-"

"-You made it!"

"Thanks, guys," Harry said, smiling at them.

"Relax! We don't have any worries for a while!" Fred said, patting Harry on the back, sensing his energy.

Harry managed to give him a weak smile.

"Do you want some Firewhiskey? It can help!" George offered.

"Nah, I'm okay right now. But I might take you up on it later?" Harry said.

"Anything for you, Harry. You know where we are at."

With that, the twins practically skipped away to their next friend.

Harry stayed near the fire for a while. He had several short conversations that mostly consisted of people telling Harry how relieved they were that midterms were over and that they didn't have any reason to be worried until January.

Harry managed to stomach the first conversation he had with Neville and the second one with the twins, but it was eventually wearing on him. Everyone kept talking about how free they felt and they all looked so happy. Even Hermione had joined the party and was having fun! Harry, though, just wasn't into it. He felt himself becoming more and more on edge as people told them how happy and excited they were. Harry didn't feel like that at all.

About an hour and a half, after Harry arrived, Fred and George decided to give a toast. They ended it with a rousing edition of 'Hakuna Matata'. Harry had introduced it to the Weasley family when he was younger, and the twins loved that song. Harry normally would've found the drunk twins singing the Disney song rather hilarious, but not tonight. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Harry stood up and roughly set down his drink, making his way to the portrait hole. Ron saw what Harry was doing and hurried over to Harry.

"Harry, what're you doing? The party is the best it's been so far!" Ron said, reaching out to Harry's arm.

Harry yanked his arm away and stepped out. Ron followed him and said, "Harry, what's going on? Why are you upset?"

"Ron, just leave me be," Harry said through gritted teeth.

"Mate, what is it?" Ron pushed.

"Everyone is so happy! Everyone is so relieved! I don't feel that way and I don't want to be around it!" Harry shouted.

Luckily, the portrait had closed so no one else could hear, but Ron did.

"I-I'm sorry, mate," Ron said taking a step back.

"Look," Harry sighed. "I'm sorry for shouting. I just want to be alone right now. It is a nice party. You and your brothers did a great job, truly."

"Thanks. You sure you're going to be alright?"

Harry nodded and plastered on a fake smile for Ron as he went back into the loud room.

Harry made his way back to the Marauder Quarters, getting angrier with each step.

Everyone else gets to have fun.

Everyone else gets to be free.

No one else has to keep worrying.

Thoughts ran through Harry's mind as he stomped into the quarters. Sirius and Remus were both sitting on the couch, grading papers.

"Harry? We didn't expect-" Sirius began but quickly stopped.

Harry slammed the door shut and practically threw his wand across the room. Harry opened the door to the lower room and slammed it.

Sirius looked at Remus who got up to pick up Harry's wand.

"Uh, Moony?" Sirius asked. "This is your wheelhouse." Sirius held his hands up, not knowing what set his godson off.

Remus smirked at Sirius before sighing. "Merlin."

"Should we go down there?" Sirius asked.

Before Remus could reply, they heard Harry grunting and punching the bag, a few muffled yells coming from below them.

"Give him a few minutes. He obviously needs to work off some anger."

"But Moony, will- will he be alright?" Sirius asked worriedly.

Remus saw the concern in Sirius' face. He gave him a reassuring smile and sat down next to him. "He'll be alright, Siri. He threw his wand down which shows us that he doesn't want to hurt himself because his wand would be tempting. Besides, we have the spell on his fingernails and everything in the room is padded. That's probably the safest room in the whole castle for him."

Sirius nodded, relieved. "Good. Boy, I can't imagine what set him off. He was at a party! I was hoping he was having fun. He deserves fun, Moony."

Remus nodded and kissed Sirius' head. "He does. I'm sure we will find out. We just need to give him some time and then I'll go and check on him, okay?"

"That sounds good, thank you," Sirius said, releasing a breath.

20 minutes later, Harry was still punching the punching bag, but his shouts had ceased. "I could leave him be longer, but I do want to make sure he's alright," Remus said, thinking out loud.

"Go and check on him. We're both still getting used to the extra freedom," Sirius nudged Remus.

Remus nodded. "You're right. I'll go down and check on him."

"I love you!" Sirius added as Remus put his hand on the doorknob.

Remus turned and smiled at Sirius. "I love you, too."

They stared at each other for a second longer before Remus disappeared down the stairs, shutting the door softly behind him. Remus was greeted with the sight of Harry punching the punching bag, breathing heavily.

"Hey, Cub," Remus said gently.

Harry didn't reply but kept punching the bag.

"I can give you your space, I just wanted to come and check on you," Remus said kindly, his hands in his pockets.

Harry punched the bag, not responding. Remus leaned against the wall and waited for Harry to respond. It took two minutes, but boy did Harry respond. Harry threw off the punching gloves and said, "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"What's not fair, Cub?" Remus asked gently, standing up straighter.

Harry just kicked the glove and made fists. He huffed loudly and then said, "No one else has to deal with ALL THIS!"

"What is 'all this', Harry?" Remus asked, still very calm.

Harry let out an angry whine and said, "Everyone else is CALM! They are SO HAPPY! I CAN'T!"

"Why can't you, Harry?"

"BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT KILLING AN EVIL WIZARD WHO WANTS TO MURDER ME AND MY FAMILY!" Harry screamed.

Harry let out a yell and punched the wall before sliding down it, crying.

Remus' heart broke. "Oh, Harry," he said. Remus went towards Harry, but he sensed there was more to what Harry was feeling and gave him time to say it.

"I just-" Harry sobbed, "I just can't relax like everyone else. E-everyone wanted me to be happy but I CAN'T!"

Harry sobbed and his body was shaking. As much as Remus wanted Harry to get out what he needed, he also didn't want him to hurt himself with how upset he is.

"Let it out, Cub. You're safe here," Remus told him gently, reaching out and touching Harry's arm gently.

Harry flinched then slowly leaned into the touch.

Harry started to hyperventilate and that's when Remus took action.

"You can be upset, Cub. It's alright. I need you to breathe with me, okay? Look at me, Harry. I need you to breathe with me."

Harry felt his head becoming fuzzy and eventually, his tear-soaked face met Remus'.

"Big breath in... and out. Good. Let's do it again. In... and out. Slow down, Harry. You are safe," Remus instructed warmly.

Harry worked hard to follow and listen to Remus, slowing down his breathing. It took several minutes, but eventually, Harry's breathing went back to normal.

"Nice work, Cub," Remus praised.

Harry shrugged. He leaned back against the padded wall and closed his eyes, physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted.

"I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so overwhelmed, Harry. That's not comfortable," Remus commented after a minute of silence.

"It's my life, isn't it?" Harry asked rhetorically, his voice dull and resigned.

"No, Harry. You shouldn't have to carry this burden. And you won't have to carry it forever. You should be allowed to be a teenager."

"Everyone else is partying and enjoying themselves and they don't have to worry. I can't ever do that. I have to always be ready. It's not fair!"

"It's not fair, you're absolutely right," Remus replied.

"It's just all too much," Harry said.

An alarm went off in Remus' head at those words, but he didn't want to push Harry away. "What can I do for you to best support you right now?" Remus asked.

"I don't know. I don't know!" Harry said, becoming angry again.

"Harry, you're allowed to be angry," Remus reminded him.

"Ugh! I just HATE THIS!" Harry said, standing up and kicking the wall again. Harry paced for a minute before saying, "I just need space. I need to get out of here." Harry opened the door and quickly made his way upstairs.

"Harry! Harry, what are you doing?" Remus asked, jumping up and following him.

"I need space. I need air," Harry replied through gritted teeth. "I need to get out."

"Harry, I don't think that's the best idea-" Sirius started to say.

"I don't CARE! I'm sick of it all!" Harry yelled. He turned on his heel and slammed the door shut.

Sirius immediately started to head towards the door and Remus put both of his hands on Sirius' chest to stop him. "Whoa, Sirius. It's okay."

"No, it's bloody well not, Remus," Sirius said, his eyes angry and concerned all at the same time.

"Listen, Harry is beyond upset right now. I haven't seen him like this before, ever. I need to watch him and handle him. Are you going to be okay alone? Padfoot, I need to know if you're going to be okay," Remus said seriously.

Sirius sighed and retreated a step. "Yeah, I'll be okay. Go get Harry. Make sure he's okay."

Remus smiled at Sirius. "I will, I promise."

Remus cast a notice-me-not charm on himself and made his way out into the hallway to follow Harry.

If someone would have seen Harry in the hallway, they would have thought he was on a rampage. He was half-stomping through the halls, looking like he would hex someone at any wrong step. Harry had intentions of going back to the Gryffindor tower. He hadn't drank before, but he heard it can help. About halfway there, however, the thought of going back to everyone seemed draining and infuriating at the same time. Another pained whine came from Harry. He clenched his fists, angry and in pain. All he wanted to do was have a release. Harry was near a courtyard and walked outside into the frigid December air. He walked a decent distance away before letting out an anguished yell.

He hated having this burden. He didn't want it. It wasn't fair. It was all too much.

Harry fell to his knees, hot tears rolling down his face. He eventually found himself sitting down against a pillar. Harry's hands subconsciously made their way into the frozen ground and started to claw it up.

Remus had followed Harry at a safe distance, making sure he wasn't hurting himself. At the edge of the courtyard, from a different entrance, Remus saw Dumbledore somehow make eye contact with him. Remus, still under the notice-me-not charm, nodded and took a step back. Albus had this.

Harry continued to tear up the ground. He felt the biter air and frozen dirt under his nails. He relished the feeling of something that wasn't his mind and soul. He could handle being cold and it gave him something to think about.

"A bit of a chilly night to be out without a jacket," Albus commented, walking into the line of sight as Harry.

Harry didn't even register the voice at first, but when he did he looked up. "Professor?" Harry asked, his voice hoarse.

"Some call me that," Dumbledore said, taking a seat next to Harry.

Harry didn't reply, but his fingers kept digging into the ground.

Albus noticed this but didn't want to comment on it right away. "What are you doing out here all alone? It is the end of term."

"I just needed some space. It was all... too much."

Albus hummed in understanding. "It can be that way sometimes. Surrounded by people and yet one can feel more alone than ever."

Harry's eyes shot towards his headmasters. "Yes, exactly. That's exactly it."

Albus gave Harry an empathetic smile. "You have been given a burden you never asked for."

"That's for bloody sure," Harry muttered, his hands becoming claws in the ground.

"It's not fair. It's hard. You can feel lonely. There are wars to be fought both in the world and in our minds. Both are difficult."

Harry gave an almost nonexistent nod.

"During the first war, with Grindelwald, I felt similar to you are now," Dumbledore began sharing, a faraway look in his eyes.

Harry's face shot up. Dumbledore never, ever talked about the first war. He would shrug it off, change the subject, or at best give a vague answer. He was Dumbledore so that was allowed and expected. Harry had never heard him talk about this and to the best of his knowledge, neither had Dadfoot or Moony Da.

"I wanted to live a normal life. I had feelings about so many things... and for certain people." Dumbledore looked misty-eyed. "There was eventually a time where I had to choose between the one I loved and saving the Wizarding World from evil."

Dumbledore grew silent and Harry didn't bother to speak. He gave his grandfather the time he needed.

"I decided to save the Wizarding World. However, in that battle I let my emotions get the best of me."

Dumbledore was silent again, this time for several minutes.

"My recklessness killed my sister."

Harry was able to restrain his gasp. Dumbledore had once told him that he had lost his sister, but that wasn't common knowledge and was only mentioned once. Harry did slip his dirty hand into Dumbledore's, trying to offer comfort.

A ghost of a smile made his way onto Dumbledore's face. After a moment he said, "I was older than you when all this happened. I am not telling you this to upset you. I certainly am not telling you that your emotions would lead to death. I'm telling you this because I know what it's like to have such a heavy load and yet long for a normal life. The emotions are not easy. I know you're working on controlling them and working through them and that's more than I ever did. You are doing wonderful, Harry. You are not alone."

It was Harry's turn to cry now. Dumbledore opened his arms and Harry leaned into the older man. Harry cried for quite a while. Eventually, he said, "It's hard, Granddad. It's so hard."

"I know, my son. I know," Dumbledore comforted softly, putting his hand through Harry's hair. They stayed there for a while until Harry's cries were done and the teenager was only sniffling.

"It is cold out here. Why don't we head back to my quarters, hm? We can share a hot cup of butterbeer by the fire."

"Alright," Harry agreed.

They stood up and Harry looked at what his dirty hands had done to Albus. "Oh, Granddad! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you dirty!"

Before Harry could spiral, Dumbledore quickly said, "Oh, not to worry. We do have magic." He cast a cleaning charm on his hands, Harry's hands, and both their clothes. "Let's go, my boy," Albus said, offering his arm. Harry took it and they walked in companionable silence back to the Headmaster's office.

There were two piping hot mugs of Butterbeer waiting for them (thank you, magic) and the fire was roaring. Harry and Albus sat together, sipping their drinks. They didn't speak much, but when they did it was words of love and encouragement. Neither pushed the other to open up. Instead, they were physically there for each other, and tonight, that's all they needed.

Harry ended up falling asleep against his grandfather and Albus brought him upstairs and tucked him in. He set charms to alert him if the boy woke up or left the room. Albus stayed awake much longer, thinking of wars past and present and wishing with all his might he could help his grandson. There had to be something. There has to be hope.

Alternatives to Harming Yourself:

1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust

2. Exercise

3. Get outside and get some fresh air

4. Have a warm beverage

5. Write something down

6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist

7. Be with your pet or another animal

8. Take a nap

9. Play or fiddle with a fidget

10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)

11. Play a game

12. Bake or cook something you like to eat