Author's Note: TW for References to self-harm, passive suicidal ideation. You are loved!

Urgwaew: Thanks for your review! I am doing better than I was when I started my story, thank you so much for your care and concern! The support from you and other readers definitely helps get me through the difficult days! I am settling into my new job, thank you for asking! I miss my old students so much but I know this position is going to make me a better teacher! I'm so glad you liked that Harry threw his wand and I totally understand how you feel about the "wand grounding". Other students can't use their wands on vacation which is why Harry was also meh about not having his wand. it wasn't a punishment, but just a protective measure after his outburst! I'm also glad that you like Albus! Yes, I want to make him human! And about the sacrificing part, we'll have to see! I don't see this Albus being as quick to raise him like a lamb for slaughter, but it's going to be a journey, that's for sure! And yes! Draco! I'm going to include him more and more! I appreciate you! I'm so sorry to hear you had a rough day. I hope you're doing better now. You are loved! You matter!

Harry walked silently with Snape right next to him, ready to grab his robes if he tried to make a break for it. Harry started to walk in the door when they got there, but Snape stopped him and instead knocked on the door.

Remus and Sirius were a bit confused when they heard the knock, but got up anyway. They were surprised to see Snape at the door with Harry standing beside him.

"Hello, Severus. What's going on?" Remus asked.

"I found him making a potion when I arrived back at the lab," Severus drawled.

Remus' eyebrows shot up and Sirius opened his mouth to say something but was stopped by Remus' hand.

"I wasn't making it by myself! I was just helping Malfoy!" Harry insisted, his shame turning into anger.

"I thought you would want him brought back to you," Snape replied, not bothering to acknowledge what Harry said.

"Thank you, Severus, for bringing Harry back. Harry, you're not in trouble, but take a moment downstairs," Remus said, noting the teen's obvious anger.

"Moony Da!" Harry stomped.

"Now," Remus said softly, but with an edge to his voice.

Harry groaned and stomped to the lower room, slamming the door behind him.

Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair and Remus looked back at Severus. "Would you please come in for a moment, Severus? We can touch base about Harry if you have time."

"Alright," Severus agreed, stepping in. He stiffly sat down in the armchair and looked at the couple expectantly.

"Thank you, for bringing Harry back," Remus said after putting up a silencing charm.

"Certainly. I was not sure if he should be there or not."

Remus sighed and looked at Sirius before responding. "I don't know if we explicitly have gone over that, but we will now. We are also starting to loosen up on our restrictions as Harry is improving. If you see him down there again with Draco, he's okay. He still can't be all alone while doing a potion, however. We are letting him go places by himself over this break and we will see how he is doing when term starts. He had his wand back, but right now we have it.

"What happened?" Severus asked, not being able to stop his curiosity.

"He doesn't need it right now for vacation," Remus said.

"Rem, come on, we need to tell Severus what happened Friday night. He's a part of Harry's recovery, too." Sirius said.

Severus was shocked. Black sticking up for him?

Sirius saw his former enemy's face and smirked. "Don't look so shocked, Severus. We haven't been enemies for a long time. I'd like to think we're somewhere near friends."

Snape resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but Black had a point. However, before either could comment, Remus spoke up again.

"You're right, Sirius. Severus, you might want to get comfortable."

Severus leaned back, a bit uneasy about where this conversation would go.

Remus and Sirius then proceeded to tell him the events of Friday night. They talked about how Harry felt and how he threw his wand, stormed out, and Albus found him. In the end, Severus was rather relieved that Harry did not hurt himself that night, despite the obvious urges.

"What can I do to help?" Severus asked when they were done.

"We haven't talked to Harry about this yet, but his nightmares are getting worse," Remus admitted.

"We've worked hard on clearing his mind and he's doing well. It's probably time to revisit Occlumency lesson again if you're comfortable with that," Sirius added.

Severus gave a sharp nod. "Absolutely. We can start over vacation if you'd prefer."

"That sounds good, thank you, Severus," Remus said with a smile.

"Love, you should probably check on Harry. I'll finish up with Severus." Sirius said softly, gentling touching Remus' arm.

Remus nodded. "You're right." Remus now turned to Severus and said, "Thank you again, Severus. We will talk later?"

Severus gave another nod and Remus excused himself to go down to Harry.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" Sirius asked Severus.

"No, thank you. We can plan the Occlumency lesson later," Severus replied, standing up.

Sirius nodded and walked Severus to the door. He thanked him again and shut the door behind him before going back to the couch to resume grading.

"Hey, Cub," Remus said as he made his way into the padded boxing room. Harry was currently sitting against a wall with his knees to his chest.

Harry didn't respond when Remus entered the room.

"Cub, you're not in trouble, I just want to see how you're doing."

"Fine," Harry grumbled.

Remus didn't say anything and instead made his way next to Harry. He quietly sat down next to him and waited for Harry to speak again.

It took a few minutes but Harry did indeed speak again. "I feel frustrated. And embarrassed? I think? I wasn't doing anything wrong!" Harry insisted.

"No, you weren't. Thanks for telling me how you feel," Remus replied.

Harry made a noise in acknowledgment.

"You weren't doing anything wrong, but we hadn't gone over that explicitly, either. Professor Snape just wanted to make sure that you were safe."

"I was!" Harry insisted again, raising his voice.

"Shh. I know you were. We told him that you were allowed to do it. We also let him know we are starting to loosen up our restrictions."

"Good," Harry replied.

"What can I do for you to help you calm down?" Remus asked.

"I don't know," Harry replied, sighing. "Do you have any distractions?"

"Distractions? You're asking a therapist if he has distractions?! I have distractions galore!" Remus cried, opening up his arms.

Harry rolled his eyes, but couldn't help a chuckle from escaping.

"Do you want to play a game, practice defense, or go on a walk?" Remus offered.

Harry thought for a minute. "Play a game? I think I can beat you in Battleship again," Harry said confidently, smirking.

"Bring it on," Remus replied, helping Harry up.

Harry did in fact beat Remus in Battleship, much to Remus' dismay and Sirius' glee that his husband was, in fact, beatable. This helped the mood in the quarters and allowed the boys to have an enjoyable night.

The next day, when Harry woke up, he was practically jumping. He was at the table by 8 am.

"What's so exciting?" Remus asked, making breakfast.

"I'm meeting with Grandma Min today," Harry replied, sipping his juice.

"I didn't know you were still meeting with her over vacation?" Sirius asked, taking a long sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, uh, it just worked out that way," Harry said, quickly grabbing a piece of sausage from the plate Remus was setting down.

"You're a really bad liar, you know," Sirius said smirking.

"Dadfoot!" Harry cried out indignantly, blushing a little.

"What? You are!" Sirius protested.

"Not always! I can prank pretty well!" Harry argued.

"He's got you there," Remus said, setting a plate down in front of Sirius.

Harry stuck his tongue out to Sirius and the older man returned the gesture.

"It's so nice to have such mature men in my life," Remus commented, now setting down a plate in front of Harry.

Sirius opened his mouth to reply but Remus held up a hand. "Padfoot, for the love of Merlin, chew and swallow."

Harry chuckled at the sight and smiled to himself. It was good to see his parents teasing each other. Things had been tense with finals and he was glad to see them less stressed as well.

Harry was enthusiastically knocking on the door to the office of the transfiguration professor at 1:53.

"Come in, Harry," a voice called from inside the room.

Harry opened the door and sat down, his leg shaking from excitement.

Minerva walked out of the door that connects to her personal quarters and gestured for Harry to follow her. "Come in here today, Harry."

Harry got up and followed Minerva into her personal quarters before taking a seat on her sitting room couch.

"I'm so surprised that you wanted to meet over vacation," Minerva said, teasing Harry. "We can just reconvene in January after the holidays."

"Grandma Min!" Harry whined, practically jumping with excitement.

Minerva chuckled and went to grab something from her kitchen. Harry saw what she was holding and stared at it with wide eyes as she walked back.

"Is that..." Harry trailed off in awe, despite knowing what it was.

"Yes, Mr. Potter, this is your animagus potion," Minerva replied with a small smile.

Harry went to reach for it, but a stern look and finger from Minerva caused Harry to sit back down.

"Not so fast. We need to talk first."

Harry wanted to groan, but he knew that it would not go over well with her. Instead, he shook his leg and sat on his hands.

"I know you're excited, this won't take long," Minerva said, smiling at Harry. "First of all, you will go into a meditative state and stay there. That's very important. I'll give you the potion, but you'll probably only take a sip before you start to have your vision. While the vision is rather quick, the time is different in a potion than it is here. You may be gone for 30 seconds or 2 hours. It all depends. Just let the vision take you where it wants to. You don't have a choice in the matter, unlike the sorting hat," Minerva said with a pointed look. "What questions do you have about this?"

"So, I'll know my form when the vision is over?" Harry asked, despite knowing the answer.

"Yes, Harry," Minerva said, smiling.

Harry smiled and when Minerva handed him the potion, he grabbed it, He held it in his hands, working hard to clear his mind and go into a meditative state. When he reached it, Harry took a sip of the potion. He remembered slightly falling back on the soft couch and Minerva's hands gently guiding him down before he was fully into his vision.

While Harry half expected to be a stag, he wasn't sure. Not every wizard's Patronus and animagus is the same animal. A forest appeared and then a fish. Harry wrinkled his nose with disgust, but luckily the fish then disappeared. Harry sighed in relief and watched as more animals slowly came into his vision. A rabbit, snake, owl, and horse all came into Harry's view before disappearing. Finally, a stag came into view. Harry reached out to the stag and it nuzzled him. Harry closed his eyes and when he opened them, he was the stag. Harry took a few leaps and jumps before the vision disappeared.

As Harry opened his eyes, he saw Minerva sitting hear him, brushing his hair away from his face. "Welcome back, Harry," she replied, smiling.

Harry started to sit up but was lightly held down by Minerva. "I am rather excited to hear what you are and I know you want to tell me. However, I want you to rest here for a moment. Just take a few breaths and in a moment you can sit up slowly."

Harry reluctantly replied, but he did admit that he felt a bit dizzy. A couple of minutes later, Harry slowly sat up and looked at Minerva with bright eyes. "I'm a stag!"

Minerva gave Harry a rare warm, proud smile. "Oh, my boy. I am so proud of you!" She said, enveloping him in a hug. Harry stayed there for a moment longer than he normally would, savoring the contact. When he broke away, his eyes were teary.

"What's wrong, my dear?" Minerva asked, concerned. She moved to sit next to him on the couch.

"Do you think my first dad, James, would be proud of me?"

"Oh, Harry. I am sure of it! I don't think anyone or anything could hold him back from announcing it to the whole school if he was here."

Harry gave her a watery smile and then looked away.

"What else, Harry?" Minerva asked gently, putting a hand on his arm.

"Dadfoot and Moony Da. I want to surprise them sometime when I'm all done. Do you think they'll like it? I didn't even think of how they'd feel about seeing a stag again!"

"Harry James, I know they will be so proud and so happy. They know you are not James and love being with you as Harry. While I'm sure it will be a shock to them, I know they'll be thrilled."

Harry took a deep breath and nodded. "Thanks, Grandma Min."

"Anytime. Now, I'm going to get us some tea and biscuits. You were out for about an hour. We'll have tea and calm down before I send you back."

Harry nodded. While he was nervous, he was very happy with his form and thankful that he finally knew what he was. Next was starting the transformation process and that was going to be wild.

On Thursday, Harry found himself being walked to Remus' office by Sirius.

"Do I have to?" Harry whined, dragging his feet.

"Does it help?" Sirius asked, avoiding the question.

"Yes," Harry admitted grudgingly.

"Well, then I think it's good that you're going," Sirius said.

Harry huffed and walked the rest of the way in silence. Sirius dropped Harry off at the doorway. Remus kissed Sirius goodbye and found Harry sitting on the couch with his arms crossed.

"Hi, Cub," Remus said, taking his seat.

"Did you get some of your work done?" Harry asked.

"I did, thank you for asking. How are you?"

"I wish I wasn't here!" Harry admitted.

"We don't have to spend the whole time here, but I do want to check in with you. I want to know how you're doing and talk about last Friday."

"Yeah, I know," Harry sighed.

"Do you think you're ready to talk about it?" Remus asked.

"I think so. It's just so hard to explain!"

"Try me," Remus said softly, encouraging Harry to speak.

"Well, you know how when I get all panic-y and you help me and you do a special type of hug?" Harry asked.

Remus nodded, a small smile on his face.

"Well, that helps a lot when I'm panic-y. Sometimes, though, when I'm really angry or overwhelmed, everything feels too small. Like the walls are closing in. I need space and I need to get away. I can't stay in a small space. I just feel like I'm going to explode."

Remus nodded, thinking.

"I know that probably sounds crazy," Harry admitted, looking at the ground.

"Not at all! And you know we don't use that word in here. You are not crazy. That is not crazy." Remus said firmly.

Harry nodded, showing he was listening.

"And Harry, I've felt the same way before. I know Dadfoot does, too."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Really. I know going for a walk helps Sirius sometimes. I also know that there are times when Sirius has been so angry he makes sure he brings someone with him."

Harry looked away, knowing that comment was directed at him.

"He didn't always use to be that way, especially when he was your age. In fact, his anger was rather explosive. You know what happened when he was our age."

Harry winced, thinking of the whomping willow incident.

"He brings someone along with him sometimes because he knows that his anger is out of control. He is normally far ahead of me but stays in my sight. He stomps around but normally feels better by the end of it."

"I could try that next time. I just get so angry!" Harry said.

"What about the Come and Go Room?" Remus asked.

Harry looked at him quizzically.

"The Room of Requirement." Remus supplied.

Harry worked hard to keep his face blank, but Remus just chuckled. "Harry, I know you go there each week. I don't need the details, but don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

Harry had the decency to look a bit shameful but he did say, "That's another idea. Maybe when I'm not so angry. Would I have to go with someone?" Harry asked.

"It depends on how you feel. You get to decide."

It was quiet while Harry was thinking. Harry spoke up again and said, "I really didn't mean to worry you when I ran out."

"I know. You're forgiven Cub. Can we talk about why you ran out?" Remus asked.

Harry half shrugged and half nodded.

"You were saying how it wasn't fair that everyone else was so happy and that you can't be."

"They don't have to worry about things like I do!" Harry insisted.

Remus nodded. "You're right. I wasn't trying to challenge you on your feelings; I just wanted to make sure I understood correctly."

Harry nodded, his anger deflating a bit.

"I certainly haven't fought Voldemort like you, Harry, but I can empathize a bit with you. I remember how excited some people would be for certain days and if they fell on the full moon I would get angry. I never got to enjoy anything around the full moon."

"What did you do?" Harry asked.

"Well," Remus began, "I used to be like you. I eventually allowed myself to feel that way. I also focused on other things. Sure, the full moon was awful, but there were other positive things in my life. That didn't always work so I talked to people about how I was feeling. It is not always easy, but I'm here now," Remus told Harry truthfully.

"But Voldemort isn't like a full moon! He's constant," Harry said, frustrated.

"You're right, But luckily, at least right now, he's not breaking down the walls of Hogwarts. It's not easy, but you have other things in your life. This is a big part of it right now, but you have so many things in your life that are full of light and love. I want you to think about that. No, just thinking positive doesn't fix things. I know that for sure. I just want to make sure you know that there are good things in your life. You have more to live for than just Voldemort. You know that, right?" Remus asked.

Harry turned away and was quiet for a while before saying, "It just seems like that's all anyone wants of me. It's all about Tom."

"Harry, Dadfoot, and I have loved you before your scar and will love you when Voldemort is gone," Remus said seriously, looking into Harry's eyes. "You are more than the evil snake. You are enough just the way you are."

Harry shrugged but said, "Thanks, Moony Da."

Remus looked at Harry critically and said, "You are loved, Harry."

"I love you, Moony Da," Harry said.

"Oh, Cub, I love you too," Remus said, giving Harry a large hug.

Remus was rather concerned with what Harry was saying, but he knew Harry didn't want to talk about it right now. He determined in the rest of the session that Harry wasn't a risk to himself right now. Much to Harry's delight, he also got his wand back.

Remus knew he would have to keep an eye on Harry's mental state and make sure that he knew that he mattered as Harry. just Harry.

Harry found himself in a comfortable routine for the next few days. He would sleep in, and make a potion or two with Draco. He would return back to their quarters and have lunch, study for the next term, have dinner, and then hang out until it was time for bed. He did this for the next few days, including the full moon when he stayed with Dumbledore.

Luckily, thanks to the Wolfsbane, Remus was perfectly fine for Christmas two days later.

"Ahh!" Harry cried. He felt something jump on top of him. He relaxed a little when he felt a tongue licking him all over. "Padfoot! Padfoot!" Harry cried, trying to push the black dog off of him.

When Harry finally succeeded, Padfoot popped into Sirius and said, "It's Christmas, Harry!"

Harry grabbed his glasses and hurried out of his room, following Sirius. Remus was sitting in the sitting room, sipping a cup of (most likely) highly caffeinated tea.

"Happy Christmas, Harry," Remus said, giving Harry a warm smile.

"Happy Christmas, Moony Da," Harry replied, going over to give the man a high.

"Whoa," Harry said as he looked at the tree. No matter how many Christmas' he had, the presents amazed him. He remembered what it was like to have a Christmas without presents and love and he did not take these for granted.

"Dad," Harry breathed, unsure of where to start.

"It's not too much, Harry," Remus reassured him, knowing what he was thinking.

"Go, Harry! Open them!" Sirius said eagerly, practically jumping.

Harry chuckled at Sirius and grabbed one. He started to carefully open the present and Sirius said, "just grab it!" and ripped off the paper.

"Siri," Remus chuckled. "Come."

Sirius walked to Remus as if his tail was between his legs, but smiled as he watched Harry.

"A new broom kit! Thank you!" Harry asked excitedly.

"Keep going!" Sirius encouraged him.

Harry smiled and opened up his other presents. He got a new book on Quidditch (Hermione), a book on defense, new quills, Zonko products, A get out of homework free card (Sirius was smug at this one), chocolate (Ron), a new Weasley jumper (Mrs. Weasley), a 'get out of prank free' ticket (the twins), A book on the best plants for defense (Neville), a wand holster, and a blanket that is charmed to stay soft.

Harry held the blanket close to his face and looked up in surprise. "It-it smells like you!"

Remus and Sirius smiled. "It's charmed to smell a bit like us. What do you smell?" Remus asked.

Harry breathed it in again and said, "The lavender vanilla fabric softener, a bit of parchment, and Padfoot."

"Very good!" Sirius said, impressed.

"There's one more present, Harry," Remus said, getting up. Remus came back with a small box.

"Harry, this is a very serious present," Remus began, handing him the box.

Harry opened it and saw a small necklace.

"That is a portkey. It will take you back here in a major emergency. There is a password and it senses if you're in an emergency, too. We know you have a lot on your shoulders and want to keep you safe. It can't be taken off by anyone except you and it is waterproof and weatherproof. Stay safe, Harry," Remus said, putting it over him.

"I-I don't know what to say," Harry replied breathlessly, looking at the small stone before tucking it into his shirt.

"Try not to use it," Sirius replied.

"Sirius!" Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"Well of course we want him to use it if he has to, but I'd rather have him stay safe!" Sirius argued.

"Thank you, both of you," Harry said, enveloping them in a hug.

After a moment, Harry broke away and said, "Now your gifts!"

Harry went under the tree to grab them.

"We ordered your presents. How did you get us something?" Remus asked.

"Granddad ordered them for me!" Harry replied, very proud of himself.

Remus was given a magical therapy tool. When holding it, it helped the user take deep breaths together. There was a colored mist in the middle to help regulate the breathing and to show their feelings. A different feeling goes with a different color.

"Harry! How did you know I wanted this? It's too much!" Remus insisted, looking at it in awe.

"No, it's not! And of course, I know! You're my dad and therapist. Please, take it. I'm sure I'll probably have to use it at some point, anyway." Harry said, blushing a little.

Remus immediately grabbed Harry into a hug. "Thank you so much. I love you!"

"I love you too," Harry replied, thankful Remus liked the gift.

"My turn! My turn!" Sirius cried, clapping.

Remus and Harry rolled their eyes, but Harry gave Sirus his present.

Sirius ripped it open and said, "Oh... The Black Family History. Uh, thanks Harry," Sirius said weakly.

"Just open it!" Harry said, rolling his eyes.

Sirius opened it up, and his disappointed expression turned into an excited one. "Harry! Wow!"

Harry had made a new Black Family History Book from positive moments in the past for the Black family as well as Sirius' life. There were pictures of his non-problematic ancestors and pictures from Sirius' life that included Remus and James, and then Harry.

"Some even have a memory attached so you can put it into a pensive!" Harry added.

"Oh, Pup, I love it! Thank you!" Sirius said, hugging it close. "This is so incredibly thoughtful."

"I hope you like it," Harry said, blushing.

"I love it! And I love you!" Sirius said, hugging Harry.

They had a mellow rest of their day and went to the Great Hall for dinner where they exchanged the rest of their gifts. Harry had gotten Albus a pair of thick wool socks and some every flavor beans, Minerva a brand new book on transfiguration and a new shawl, and Hagrid some food for his new creatures. Harry even got Snape a present this year with a vial of rare scales for potions. Surprisingly, Harry got Draco a present last minute as well. Harry got Draco a new leather journal, quill, and invisible ink. This wasn't invisible ink that you can get at any joke store, but instead real invisible ink. This was much more expensive but only visible to the eyes of the writer and anyone they give permission to. Nothing can reveal the invisible ink and it will not fade. Harry knew that Draco had a lot going on and wanted to make sure that he could write about it. Harry also got Draco a new healing book.

"Potter, this is too much. I wasn't expecting anything," Draco stammered after dinner.

"I wasn't expecting anything either," Harry said, holding the present Draco gave him. Draco had gotten Harry a journal as well and a green jumper.

"Thanks, Potter," Draco said.

"Thank you, Malfoy," Harry replied.

They would have stood there in silence a bit longer, but their respective adults had pulled them away to go back to their quarters. It was a long day and both needed to get some sleep.

Sirius and Remus both tucked Harry into his bed and kissed his head.

"Harry, Christmas, Harry. We love you."

Alternatives to Harming Yourself:

1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust

2. Exercise

3. Get outside and get some fresh air

4. Have a warm beverage

5. Write something down

6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist

7. Be with your pet or another animal

8. Take a nap

9. Play or fiddle with a fidget

10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)

11. Play a game

12. Bake or cook something you like to eat