Hey there,

here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy

Thank you so much for your lovely comments, they really made my day. Now I understand what the others always mean by writting this3

"Hey" she says hesitantly "can I come in"

"Of course," says Harvey, feeling a relief he didn't even know he had.

I'm sorry, both say at the same time. „for what?" asks Harvey „I called you an asshole"

„Actually a lousy asshole" he says softly with a smile „But you were right, I was one."

"I'm really sorry I told you not to come back. I did not mean that."

"You told Mike he should have let you die."

He looks down ashamed down "I know, I'm sorry. I'm really glad I'm alive. It's just... nobody seems to understand how l feel. Nobody gets me. I will need help with everything. I can't even go to the damn toilet without someone helping me. I jus- l just don't know how this is supposed to be" he says in a desperate voice.

"You're right. We all have no idea how you are feeling or how bad it must be for you. But you need to see it from our point of view, too. He shot you in front of my…our eyes, you almost bled to death and…and we couldn't do anything. Then we waited for weeks for you to wake up, not knowing if you will ever du it." She pauses. "It's not that we don't understand why you're frustrated or that we don't care... Just glad you're alive."

For a moment, neither of them says anything.

"You will need help and yes it's going to be tough but we're all here for you, you need to know that" she says and squeezes his hand.

"You will do things yourself again you know, you just need to build up your muscles then you can make it to bed or the bathroom or shower by yourself, but it takes time Harvey. Everything needs it's time."

He takes a deep breath and nods, but doesn't know what to say. He knows how bad it was for everyone and especially for Donna when he was in a coma. He knows that he can't blame them, that they're just glad he's alive because it would be the same the other way around.

"Thank you" he says as he squeezes her hand and tries to pull himself up. Then Donna helps him and they hug. They stay like that for a few moments.

"It's so good to have you in my arms again," she whispers, patting his back. "I would give everything to never have to let go of you again" she thinks and wipes a tear away.

"You need to talk to Mike" she says as they break the hug.

"I did. He was there today to bring Lucy"

"good" Donna says as she reaches for her phone.

"Oh, you sent me a message" she says, puzzled

"yeah, l wanted to apologize"

Donna can't help but smile. "apology accepted" she says

and then they both smile.

One week later

"So Mr. Specter, your numbers all look good and you're making progress with physical therapy. Do you have any complaints?"

"no"

"Good, then you're free to go"

"what-what do you mean" asks Harvey in surprise

"You can go home" and suddenly a huge smile appears on Harvey's face. "Finally, and don't be offended if I say I hope never to see you again" says Harvey and smiles.

"I usually say that to my patients, but..."

"but you will miss me 'cause l'm awesome?" Harvey asks smiling, raising an eyebrow. And also Dr. Gray can't help but smile.

"But" she emphasizes "I hope that your nerves will regenerate and then we'd meet again"

"yeah, right," says Harvey.

"One more thing" Harvey looks at her

"You're entitled to a carer, while you are still adjusting to the new situation it'd be highly advisable to use one"

"okay" he says "then see you in a few months Dr. Grey"

"all the best Mr. Specter"

Harvey immediately pulls out his cell phone and calls Mike. He actually wants to call Donna and tell her first, but she has a meeting and it's going to be a long time.

"Harvey, what is it?"

"Hey Mike, where are you?

"at home with Lucy why, you okay"

"yeah, I'm fine, actually great."

"glad to hear that. What can I do for you"

"Can you pick me up?"

"Very funny, but I'll come by later"

"No, I'm free" he says "I can go home"

"Really, you're not kidding? and isn't that an I-go-on-my-own-responsibility idea of yours?" Harvey laughs and shakes his head

"no Mike, I'm officially free"

"I'll be there in 15 minutes" says Mike and hangs up.

In the evening everyone met at Harvey's house, even Louis and Jessica are there. Louis visited him one more time after they reconciled and also wrote to him. Jessica was there more often and she asked him how he was every day. Harvey was delighted to see how much he means to the people who mean a lot to him, too. He always knew he meant a lot to him, but actually experiencing it gives him a whole different feeling.

When Jessica and Louis leave, only the four of them are left alone. They drink some more and talk until they realize that Harvey is getting tired. He still has a hard time staying up all day, so he keeps dozing off. But he hasn't slept since Mike picked him up this afternoon. Mike was at home when Harvey called him so he took Lucy with him. They were together all day and every time he was dozing off or wanting to sleep she would wake him up. She didn't seem to care that she got into trouble every time and is now banned from television.

...

"Uncle Harvey" says Lucy as she comes out of Harvey's guest room where her toys are.

"l totally forgot to thank you"

"for what?" asks Harvey confused

"Your Birthday Present"

"Fuck! I completely forgot to congratulate her afterwards." He thinks

"I was very happy, I just wished you would've been there too." she says, looking at him with bright eyes.

"You are welcome, cupcake"

"and I choose you" she says "I want to go with you"

Harvey looks at the others confused "Lucy I bought…"

"I told her you only bought two tickets and she can choose who she wants to go with," Donna interrupts.

"oh really" says Harvey as he looks at Donna and then at Lucy.

"and you chose me?" he asks and he is touched how much the little one loves him. But he doesn't want the others to notice what isn't working.

"yeah, it was your present and you promised me we'd go there together so l chose you"

"I bet the others were jealous," he says in a teasing voice, looking straight at Donna.

"They were" says Lucy and smiles.

"You know what, I'll just buy three more tickets and we'll take mommy, daddy and aunt Donna with us, what do you think?"

"that's great" shouts Lucy "you're the best"

"You heard that Donna, I'm the best" he teases and she just shakes her head and smiles.

… … …

"I'm going to bed, stay as long as you want. You know where everything is," says Harvey later in the evening, heading towards the bedroom. Mike gets up and goes with him, knowing his friend will need help. The night nurse isn't here yet and he can help him change. Harvey doesn't want a nurse at all, but he doesn't want to have Mike or someone else help him in the bathroom.

"No" shouts Lucy and stands in front of the wheelchair.

"Damn it Lucy, that's enough! What's wrong with you?" screams Mike "you didn't let him sleep all day and every time he fell asleep you woke him up again"

The little girl looks down with teary eyes.

"He slept enough" she says softly "what if it takes him again so long, to wake up. I don't want that, I missed him" she says crying. "There are no doctors here to wake him up"

For a few seconds there is silence in the room. Nobody expects that and everyone wonders if they should've explained it to her better.

"Come here cupcake" says Harvey, picking her up on his lap with Mike's help."

"Listen, yes it's true, I slept for a long time but that was so that I could get well again. And the doctors let me sleep, they gave me medication."

"I know, daddy told me"

"You see. And there are no more doctors here, which means I'm not getting any medication, so I'll wake up normally."

"promise?"

"yeah promise" says Harvey with a smile. He hugs her and kisses her hair.

"Can I sleep in your room?"

"No" says Mike

"of course" says Harvey at the same time "Mike she's my goddaughter" says Harvey and Mike nods.

When the nurse comes, the others make their way home. Rachel suggests picking up Lucy the next morning and then taking her to the kindergarten.

… … …

The next few months are very tough for everyone. Harvey has completely given up hope of ever being able to walk again and is suffering. He started working only to give it up after a few weeks because he can no longer attend outside meetings. Mike took him a few times and tried to tell him that he was just as good a lawyer as before, but it didn't do any good. He doesn't want it anymore. He often argued with the others because he neglected his physio and didn't keep appointments. The nurses don't know how to deal with him either. He was very polite, optimistic and motivated at first, but everything has subsided over time. And if Lucy hadn't started crying, he wouldn't even have gone to Disneyland last week either. In retrospect, he was very glad he was there. For a few hours he could forget all his worries and problems and the wheelchair wasn't as bad as usual.

For the first time in weeks he felt some hope that maybe everything would be fine, even with a wheelchair.

But just yesterday he had a heated argument with Donna. They've never had a worse argument. Donna's suspicion hurt Harvey and he kicked her out. Donna wanted him to shower and go to physio, but Harvey wanted to stay in bed. He wasn't doing well and that's why he wouldn't go not because he didn't want to. Especially since Disneyland he has decided to work on himself again. He even asked Mike to bring him a case so they could work together. Only the night before he had probably eaten something wrong and he felt miserable. But Donna didn't want to believe him and an argument ensued.

"Donna, I'm telling you that I'm not feeling well. I wanted to go and I'm going next time, but not today. Why don't you believe me?."

"Bullshit, you always have an Excuse" screams Donna "You gotta get your life back on track Harvey. You can't depend on help forever, it's not you!"

"I didn't ask you to help me, you're here voluntarily"

"yes I am Harvey and I'll continue to be here, but…"

"no you don't have to. Go!"

"What?"

"I don't want anyone here who doesn't trust me. So go"

"Harvey, that has nothing to do with trust. If there is someone I'll always trust, it's you und you know it"

"You know I asked Mike for a case, I was there two days ago and I called you specifically to drive me there today 'cause I didn't want to miss it. I'm not feeling well and you don't believe me. I'm not in the mood to argue right now, so go I don't want to repeat myself anymore!" he says in a cold voice.

Donna begins to doubt if he is perhaps telling the truth.

"You know what Harvey, it's enough. Go or don't go, I don't care! I won't ask anymore for you to do so or try to convince you anymore. You're grown up."

"I said get out" he shouts now "and don't come back to apologize when you find out I wasn't lying" and that's when Donna start to realize that he's telling the truth. She turns and leaves the room.

Once she's out the door she can't hold back her tears.

Her words really hurt Harvey. He knows he's gone too far - again - but he's hurt that she doesn't believe him, especially now that he's started to get on with his life.

… … …

It's been three days since their argument. They've never not-talked to each other for so long. They miss each other but neither wants to write to the other one and to be honest Harvey is still disappointed that she didn't believe him and that she didn't even ask if he was doing better. He knows she knows from Mike or Rachel that he wasn't lying.

Donna on the other hand doesn't dare to write or call knowing for sure he was telling the truth. Rachel told her that he threw up several times during the day and that Mike also had to get medication for him. She wrote the message so several times but didn't press send or let the number appear on her phone just to lock the phone again.

... ... ...

"So, here we are" Mike helps him on the couch "do you need anything?"

Harvey shakes his head "No thanks Mike" Mike nods.

"Okay, then I'll go to the firm and prepare everything as discussed"

"okay" says Harvey.

Mike goes to the door and turns around again

"Call her Harvey, it's been three days"

"It's not up to me"

"You know she feels sorry and that she's scared because you kicked her out"

"I had every right to do so" he says, louder. "You told her not to call wh..."

"I don't want to hear it Mike. Every time we have a fight, everyone takes her side and everyone acts like I'm the biggest asshole in the world. Yes, I often am but this time it wasn't my fault."

"I'm not on her side and yeah it was her fault but you also have to admit that with everything that's happened in the last few months, she also had a reason somehow."

"I'd never lie to her face" he says softly.

"Call her or write a message, you both miss each other and you both want to make up."

"I won't, not this time. Yes, I miss her but I won't apologize."

After Mike leaves the room, Harvey hopes Donna will come. She hasn't called in since their fight. No call, no message, nothing. Even if he doesn't want to admit it at first, it gives him a stab. He's afraid that she won't come at all. "No, she's coming. She'll come," he says to himself quickly, realizing that just the thought of her not coming makes it hard for him to breathe. Not in the way when he had panic attacks, but in a completely different way that he can't explain - and this way, however, is much worse.

And then he feels tears rolling down his cheek. He needs her in his life. She was always there for him, always! He could cal her at any time of the day better said night and she never complained but always listened. And she, she always came to him too, at least he hopes so. They've always trusted, encouraged, joked and flirted with each other. Actually, they did everything that normal couples do, everything except sex. They did it once and it was the best thing Harvey has ever experienced. Of so many women he has slept with, Donna was by far the best. In fact, no one can even begin to get close to her, with nothing. She's smart, pretty, brilliant. She's Donna. And that's why it hurt him so much when she didn't believe him. He wipes a tear away and finally realizes:

"I love her" he says softly "I love you, Donna… but I can never tell you"

So, hope you liked it. The next update will take some time. I'll write exams in 13 subjects and I have less than a week till they start, so I don't know when I can finish the next one. But I also don't know how to survive the next 3 weeks so, we'll see.

Have a nice time