Author's Note: OOF this is a heavy chapter. CW/TW for conversations about mental illnesses, suicidal ideation and thoughts, hopelessness, references to self-harm, and discussions about inpatient mental health care. You are loved!
In this chapter, Harry's feelings about mental health inpatient care are touched on.
I have personally never been in inpatient care, but I have thought about it and do receive significant mental health support.
I have nothing against in-patient psychiatric care and I believe it is so important. I also think that there are so many wonderful people who work there and care so deeply (yes there are some bad people, but that's in any job. However, that doesn't make your experience any less valid). I truly believe that the system is so broken (not the people, the system). I wish that a mental health floor/in-patient care wasn't just for keeping people physically safe, but that's what it is (at least in the USA). I believe that there can be a lot of good from inpatient care, but there is such a stigma around it and all too often it doesn't help the problem but puts a pause on it. These are just my feelings and I don't want to hurt or offend anyone with them or what is briefly discussed in this chapter. Please, please, please reach out to me if you want to talk further about it. I don't want to do any harm.
If you've been in inpatient care or you have thought about going to inpatient care, I am so incredibly glad you are here and you are safe. Thanks for existing.
I also talk about the spectrum of suicidality. There is such a spectrum and range and I would encourage you to even do a quick search and read about it. I felt so validated a few years ago when I found the term "passive suicidal ideation". I am passively suicidal, but I don't have the means or intent, which is huge. If you are suicidal whatsoever, please reach out for help. The world is so much better with you in it. Just by reading this, you've made a difference in my life. Keep fighting.
YOU ARE LOVED!
Remus really enjoyed meeting with the fifth years. He loved seeing their growth from their third year (and there was SO much growth, Merlin!) It was hard trying to schedule each one, but Remus didn't mind hunting them down. Remus knew that was a red flag if anyone avoided it too much. Remus would schedule certain ones and other times he would send a note to the professor asking a student to come to his office when he finished with a student. He made sure he met with each student for 15 minutes but gave them a half an hour block. He invited another student in if they finished early.
More often than not, the students enjoyed taking a break from whatever class they were in and waiting in Remus' office. Remus had a variety of fidgets and tools in his office, both muggle and magical. There was a little sand garden with a rake students loved to use. There was also a blanket and some beanbags and students had fallen asleep in his waiting area on more than one occasion. Remus was glad they felt safe enough to sleep but wished they got more rest at night. He was more than happy to offer a safe spot for them, always.
Today he was meeting with many students, one being Neville Longbottom. Neville was early in the morning and was able to get out of potions for it.
Neville knocked on the door when he arrived, despite it being open.
"Come on in," Remus called out.
Neville walked in and shut the door softly behind him.
"Hi, Neville! Thanks for coming."
"Hi, Professor. Thanks for getting me out of potions."
"My pleasure," Remus smiled slyly. "How did Professor Snape take it?"
Neville shrugged. "He wasn't happy, but he didn't say anything. Do you think maybe I could just, uh, not go back when we're done?"
"Neville, I could never say that. Your education is so important," Remus said robotically while shaking his head 'yes'.
Neville bit back a smile and said, "Got it, thanks."
Remus smiled and winked and said, "So, I know we meet often and this session is for you. I wanted to have a separate meeting for your fifth-year appointment unless there is anything in particular you wanted or needed to talk about right now?"
Neville shook his head.
"Alright then," Remus said, flipping through papers and pulling a blank one out and writing something on it. "First of all, how are you doing with everything? I know fifth year is a lot."
"Yeah, it is," Neville admitted. "I mean you know most of it. I'm struggling a bit academically, but nothing too bad. I'm worried about potions. I really do like it, it's just so hard with Professor Snape breathing down my neck."
"Hmm," Remus thought. "Have you thought about arranging a separate time to make the potions? You can attend class for lectures but maybe make the potions on your own another time?"
"I haven't thought about that," Neville admitted. "I'd be scared to ask him."
"I can always bring the topic up, if you would like."
"Yes, Professor. Thank you!"
"Of course," Remus smiled at him. "Have you thought about what you want to do after school?
Neville smiled at him knowingly. "You know what I want to do, Professor."
"Sure, but I still need to ask," Remus smiled knowingly back at him.
"I still want to teach Herbology here. I know I can be Professor Sprout's apprentice after school. She's talked to me a lot about it. And when I met with Professor McGonagall she told me that I'm doing okay, I just need to get my grades up."
"Good, good. Is there any way I can assist you with any of that?"
"No, Professor. Meeting with you is so much help."
"I'm so glad. You deserve good things, Neville," Remus affirmed to him.
Neville blushed and ducked his head.
"You do! You are brave, kind, hardworking, and loyal."
"Moony," Neville hissed, blushing.
Remus hadn't been called 'Moony' by Neville for a long time, since he was 9 or 10. He knew that Neville must be feeling some big emotions for him to call him that, even in private.
"Neville, look at me," Remus commanded softly.
The blushing boy looked up and looked at the therapist.
"Repeat after me. I am worthy of good things."
Neville looked away again.
"Hey, Neville," Remus said softly, going to kneel in front of him. He took Neville's hands in his own and tried to catch his eye.
"I know it can feel uncomfortable saying it. Even if you don't quite believe it right now, you do deserve good things. This is the first step to believing it."
Neville took a deep breath and quietly said, "I am worthy of good things."
"Good!" Remus praised. "There's the Gryffindor I know and love."
Neville blushed and Remus squeezed his hands before letting go.
"Keep that as your mantra this week. We will work on that next week," Remus said, making a note.
Neville nodded and grabbed a fidget off the table.
"Anything else you want to talk about before we go?" Remus asked, giving Neville the option to leave now or talk about something else that is a lighter topic.
Neville thought for a moment before laughing and saying, "Oh yeah! I got a letter from my Gran that I wanted to tell you about!"
Remus smiled and leaned forward, listening intently.
Neville happily told his story and Remus listened. When Neville was finished, Remus knew that it was time for his next session. He said goodbye to Neville before taking a deep breath, shuffling some papers, and welcoming his next student, a Ravenclaw, inside.
Later that day, Remus had Draco Malfoy. It was his last session before lunch.
Draco was in the waiting room and tried to keep his mind calm as he waited. Snape hadn't taught him Occlumency yet, but he had taught him some mind-clearing techniques as precursors for his lessons, and Draco occupied his time with that until Remus poked his head out and said, "Mr. Malfoy?"
Draco stood up and walked into Remus' office. While he's done this twice, he still was nervous. A lot had changed since his session in his third year with Professor Lupin.
"Please, Draco, take a seat," Remus said warmly, extending his hand.
Draco took a spot on the couch and Remus shut the door and sat in the armchair. "You can relax, I promise I won't bite," Remus teased him.
Draco winced at the wording Remus chose to hide his snicker and Remus said, "It's okay, Draco, you can laugh. I choose that wording on purpose."
Draco chuckled and relaxed in his seat.
"How's your day going?" Remus asked.
"Good. I had potions this morning and that's relaxing to me. I later had Arithmancy and part of Charms until I came here."
"Are you okay with missing class? I know it was discussed before but I still want to check."
"Oh yes, Professor. Professor Flitwick is understanding and supportive about it, too."
"Good! I'm so glad to hear that."
Draco smiled and nodded, unsure of what was going to happen next.
Remus smiled reassuringly at him and said, "Don't worry about this meeting. I'm just here to ask you some questions. I want to know how you're doing at home and at school and what you might be thinking about for after Hogwarts."
Draco started with the latter because he felt more confident in that answer than the previous one. "I want to be a healer. I think I've already told you that, or maybe Harry has? Anyway, I want to be a healer. I am working with Madame Pomfrey and she said we can start an official apprenticeship next year so by the time I finish Hogwarts I'll have loads of classes under my belt. She says I'll probably have another two years of apprenticeship left after I'm done and then I can work with her as a full-time Healer, you know, with of course any other classes I have to take before that."
Remus smiled genuinely at Draco. "That's amazing. I love that idea! Harry did mention something sometime about you wanting to be a healer. I, of course, am thrilled with the idea. What makes you want to go into healing?"
Draco resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably. Instead, he put on his Malfoy Smile and opened his mouth to speak. However, Remus cut him off.
"Draco, I know that face. You don't need to be someone you're not in here. This all stays between us."
Draco's smile faltered and he blinked. "Everything? You won't tell anyone? Not even Uncle Sev?"
"Nope. Unless you are actively hurting yourself or someone else I won't tell a soul."
Draco felt immense relief. He didn't have to worry about either of those two. His stomach gave a slight lurch when he thought of Harry, but he knew that his friend was working hard.
"Now," Remus' voice brought him back to the present. "I would love to hear how you became interested in healing."
Draco studied Remus' face and only saw his genuine smile and warm eyes. Draco gave a small nod before saying, "I've always been interested in the human body, ever since I was little. I remember when I was very young I would be a healer to my plushies. Er, that is until they were taken away when I got too big," Draco blushed.
"How old were you when that happened? When they were taken away?" Remus probed slightly.
"Six. That's when my propriety classes began."
Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "Sirius told me about those. They sounded terrible."
"They were," Draco agreed, chuckling. He was so glad Remus didn't make a big deal out of it. He didn't want to just talk about "how it made him feel".
"What about as you got older? What made you continue to like healing?" Remus asked.
Draco stared off out the small window Remus had. "I did want to help others. I had to push that side of me away as I grew up. But even with the terrible things I saw, I was still able to help. As I got older I was allowed to help bandage people when they came back injured. I want to repair a little bit of what my family has done to this world. But I'm not just doing it for that, I like to help others and I like the critical thinking skills a healer uses. You're warm and distant at the same time and I like that. I'm good at it, too. I think I can be a really good healer," Draco suddenly seemed to snap out of it. "Er, I'm so sorry. I, uh, didn't mean to say all that."
Remus smiled warmly at the embarrassed teen and shook his head. "I am happy to listen. I asked you the question, after all. Besides, I do rather enjoy listening to people."
"I guess it is your job," Draco said, his red cheeks starting to lighten into a pink tinge.
"It is. But beyond my job, I'm honored you trusted me with that. I can see that you have the potential to be a great healer. A good healer doesn't just care for the patients and listen to them but shares part of themself as well. People want a healer they can trust. You're just a stranger if you don't give them a reason to trust you."
"Huh," Draco said, sitting back. "I never thought about that."
"It is something too many healers forget. When having a job like a healer, nurse, teacher, professor, or any other caring profession you need to share part of yourself and show part of your heart with them. You'll not only enjoy the job more, but your patients, students, or whoever will feel so much better and trust you more."
"But Professor, won't you get hurt easier?" Draco asked.
Remus smiled sadly at Draco. He had a pretty good idea that Draco had been taught to shut himself away; he needed to be cold and distant. This was a real question for him and something that broke Remus' heart.
"Yes, Draco. I won't lie to you, ever. When you care more, you can get hurt easier or deeper. Let me tell you, it is so worth it. Because even though you might get hurt easier, you are able to experience the joy and love deeper and more freely. That is something that is priceless."
Draco seemed to want to buy into the idea but still seemed hesitant.
"Draco, do you remember how much fun you and Harry had at the beach together? How you laughed so hard that your stomach hurt? Smiled so big that your cheeks hurt?"
"Yeah, I do," Draco said, smiling.
"Good. Now, I want you to think of how you felt when you found out Harry was hurting himself."
Draco's smile faded and he frowned. "It was horrible. I felt so bad for him. I felt guilty and just terrible."
Remus wanted to address that last sentence, but he wanted to make his point first. "Now, if you had a magic wand-"
Draco raised his eyebrows and Remus chuckled. "Okay, sorry, muggle phrase. You do have a magic wand. If you were able to change the past-"
Draco raised his eyebrows again and Remus said, "A time turner only goes back a day or two. You wouldn't be able to use a time-turner for this. Now let me make my point!" Remus said, shaking his head.
Draco chuckled and nodded, done interrupting.
"Now, if you could go back would you want to not be friends with Harry at all to spare you that pain?"
"No way! I mean, I don't like how it made me feel, but I wouldn't trade our friendship because of that!"
Remus smiled at him, "First of all, as a dad, thank you. But as a therapist and healer, that's my point. We wouldn't trade our job or relationship with patients because we have some hurt. The good outweighs the bad. It's not equal, fair, or comprehensible in any way, You will have loss that just doesn't make any sense. You will also see miraculous progress and growth. I can't imagine having this job and not putting my heart into it, as a professor or a therapist."
Draco nodded, thinking. After a quiet moment, he said, "That, that makes sense. No one's ever explained that before."
"I'm happy to be here and explain anything at any time. I know you have Professor Snape. He is wonderful, and I'd like to hear more about him, but I know he's not the most, uh, sentimental person or in touch with his emotions."
Draco snorted. "That's putting it lightly."
Remus chuckled and smiled again. "I'm here for whatever you need."
"Thanks, Professor. And yeah, Uncle Sev is great. He's way better than my parents were. My mom is borderline supportive of what I did, but not my father. I know I'm becoming a better person with Uncle Sev. He's going to help me become the best version of myself."
"Good. And Draco, I can see that you're not ready to talk about your parents and that's okay. If you ever change your mind, you know where I am."
Draco nodded, relieved Remus picked up on that and grateful for the offer. "Thanks, Professor. I will, I promise."
"Good, now, you said that you felt guilty when you saw that Harry hurt himself."
Draco shifted uncomfortably and shifted his eyes down. He wished Remus didn't pick up on that.
"I want to remind you that No matter what you ever said or did to Harry, you are not the reason he hurt himself. It was ultimately Harry's mind that made him do that. No one else. You are not responsible for Harry's actions. He's forgiven you and so have we. Now, you just need to forgive yourself."
Draco nodded and said, "I've talked to Harry about it before. I'm trying. My family, and me, have done so many bad things. I can't help but feel guilty."
Remus thought for a moment before responding. "You can not agree with the actions your family made. You can regret what you have done. I don't want you to beat yourself up for it. You were, and still are, a child. Yes, you are becoming an adult and you're a teenager. But Draco, you're not an adult. Your brain is still forming. It'll keep forming until you're 25. No one expects you to be perfect. You are allowed to make mistakes. You're supposed to grow. I've made choices when I was your age that I don't agree with now, but I've worked hard at forgiving myself, apologizing to people I've wronged, and working hard to do better. It's a process, certainly, but I know you are strong enough to do it. This world needs you in it, Draco. Work on being the best version of yourself and we will all be better for it."
Draco quickly swiped at his eyes, appalled he was crying. He cleared his throat and said, "Th-thank you, professor. I appreciate it."
"Of course, Draco. Now, I'll ton down the therapy so you can leave here not feeling like you just ran an emotional marathon."
Draoc chuckled and wiped his face again. "Yeah, I'd appreciate that."
"So, do you think you're going to beat Harry at the next Quidditch match?"
"Of course!" Draco exclaimed, going into detail about it all. He took several minutes explaining their tactics and then smiled slyly, "And you can't even tell Harry because you're bound by healer-patient confidentiality."
Remus let out a barking laugh and said, "You're absolutely right. Seriously, though, I would never dream of sharing anything you tell me in here. Not even if it means Harry and Gryffindor winning the house cup," Remus winked.
Draco put his nose up and said, "As it should," before giggling.
"Ah, a true Slytherin. I love it. Is there anything else I can do for you before you go?"
"Actually, professor, do you think you could help me with healing sometime? I want to learn some mind healer basics so I can best help my patients. Harry said that you'd be willing to help me. It's okay if you can't, but I thought I'd ask."
"I'd be thrilled to. It's two of my favorite things, mind healing, and teaching."
"That's what Harry said!" Draco exclaimed.
"He does know me rather well," Remus admitted.
"Thank you, Professor, for everything," Draco said genuinely.
"Of course, Mr. Malfoy. I'm always here." Remus assured him.
Another warm smile later and Draco made his way out the door, leaving Remus feeling rather proud of his student and hungry for lunch.
Remus had been able to get through the rest of the students he planned on today. He had about an hour left and he was going to chart some things and take a moment to breathe. He was planning on seeing Harry tomorrow. However, there was something nagging him that he couldn't shake. Harry was scheduled in the middle of the day, but something just felt off. He tried to move on, but he wasn't able to. Eventually, Remus sighed and got up. He figured out that Harry was in Arithmancy and locked up his office, going to pick Harry up from class.
At the classroom, Remus knocked on the door before poking his head in. "Excuse me, Professor Babbling, I'm sorry to interrupt. I wanted to take Harry with me, if that's okay."
"Certainly," Babbling replied, smiling and waving her hand.
"Mr. Potter, read chapters 17 and 18 for Monday. There may or may not be a quiz," she said pointedly.
"Thanks, Professor," Harry said, giving her a smile as he slung his backpack over his shoulder and headed out the door.
Remus shut the door behind his godson and began to walk to his office.
"Is everything okay? Are you and Dadfoot alright?" Harry quickly asked.
"Yes, yes, everything and everyone is healthy and happy, no need to worry," Remus assured him.
"Good," Harry replied, breathing a sigh of relief.
"I decided I would pull you for your fifth-year appointment."
"But," Harry scrunched up his nose, "I thought it was tomorrow?"
"Mmhmm. It was. I had some extra time today and thought I would pull you."
Harry nodded. He had planned out most of his responses, but he wasn't expecting this. He still had some things he didn't want to share. He knew his answers would be, well, less than satisfactory.
Remus was silently observing Harry. Remus believed that Harry was acting a bit subdued and strange. He didn't say anything and allowed Harry to think. Remus only spoke up when they just about reached his office.
"Turn here, Cub," Remus reminded him gently, stopping Harry from walking forward.
"Oh, yeah," Harry muttered, shaking his head. He turned into the waiting room and then into Remus' office. Remus shut the door behind them and sat down, gathering his papers.
Harry grabbed a fidget that was put out and covered himself in a blanket.
Remus was quiet for a few minutes before he said, "Harry, are you okay?"
"Oh! Er, yeah. Sorry, just tired."
Remus nodded and hummed, thoroughly unconvinced. "Alright, well I will ask my questions so you can rest."
Harry shifted uncomfortably.
"Let's see, I already asked how you're doing. If there's anything you want to ask or add at any time, go ahead."
Harry nodded.
"Now, I want to talk a bit about what you might be thinking about doing after Hogwarts."
Harry once again shifted uncomfortably.
"I want to defeat Voldemort," Harry stated with his face set.
Remus shifted now. He knew Harry felt that way and yet it broke his heart. No one, especially an orphaned, traumatized teenager, should have to carry that burden.
"You are more than that, Harry," Remus said, leaning forward.
Harry didn't reply. Remus sighed and said, "What about a job? What do you want to do after Hogwarts?"
"I already told you and Dadfoot what I wanted to do after Hogwarts," Harry said, trying to stall.
"Things change. Just tell me what you're thinking. Your future is important."
Harry bristled a bit at that last sentence. "You know, Moony Da, I'm really tired. I don't think I'm up for this right now," Harry said, standing up.
Remus knew something was off but wasn't expecting this.
"Harry, whoa!" Remus said, setting his stuff down and standing up. He took a few steps over to Harry and got in front of him, stopping him from walking out the door. He put his hand on Harry's shoulder.
"What is going on? What's the matter?" Remus asked, rather concerned.
Harry shook his head. "It's nothing. I-I just want to leave."
Remus saw that Harry had a mask on his face and wasn't buying it. "Harry James, something is wrong. You don't have to tell me everything, but you do need to sit back down," Remus said firmly.
Harry stood his ground and crossed his arms.
After a long moment, Remus waved his wand, locking the door. "Alright then, you can stand. The door's locked so you can't leave." Remus lazily walked back over to his armchair and sat down.
Harry went to the door and tried to open it to no avail. "You can't lock me in here!"
"I can if I think you're a danger to yourself," Remus pointed out.
Truthfully, he had no intention of keeping Harry locked in here. However, he knew that there was something really wrong and that it needed to be addressed.
Harry moaned and tried the doorknob again before stomping and banging his fist against the wall a few times. Eventually, he went back over to the couch. Harry sat there for several minutes before pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his head in his knees.
"Love, what's going on?" Remus asked softly, going over to Harry.
Harry just shook his head. Remus rubbed his back and waited until Harry said, "I can't tell you."
"Can't or won't?" Remus asked kindly. He wasn't being rude or patronizing, but he knows that there are times people can't say something and other times when they won't.
"Won't, I guess," Harry said after thinking, his head raised a little but not looking at Remus. "It's bad, Moony Da. I've kept this to myself for a long time."
"Harry, nothing is going to make me or Dadfoot love you less. Ever. Nothing is going to change how we feel about you," Remus assured the boy.
"What if you send me to St. Mungos!" Harry said, terrified. He finally looked at Remus and Remus was able to look into Harry's eyes.
Harry was beyond terrified. The fear in his eyes was so real and the apprehension and uneasiness in the air was palpable.
"Harry, let me first say that St. Mungos is not a bad place. People go there for help both physically and mentally. I also realize that there is a lot of work to be done in regards to mental healthcare in the muggle and magical world and the stigma also plays a role." Remus wasn't done speaking, but Harry interrupted him.
"I don't want it, Dad. And I can't have people talking about how Harry Potter got sent there by his parents!" Harry cried, bursting into tears.
"Oh, Harry. I promise I'm not going to send you there, okay? Shh, Cub. I got you."
Harry somehow managed to curl up enough to half be on Remus as he rocked him back and forth.
Remus knew that if there was a real emergency he was qualified to handle it, along with other qualified and certified help here at Hogwarts, but he had an idea that that wasn't the case.
"Cub, please tell what's worrying you so," Remus softly urged after several minutes.
Harry sniffed and slowly sat up. He grabbed a pillow and held it close to him and looked away from Remus.
"Ju-just don't think less of me, okay? Or overreact?"
"I promise," Remus replied quietly, but fiercely.
Harry took a few deep breaths and squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't see a future for myself after Voldemort. I- I just don't see myself alive."
Remus' face softened. "Do you not see yourself alive because Voldemort won" (even in a professional capacity Remus couldn't bring himself to say that Voldemort killed Harry) "or because you unalived yourself?"
"Either," Harry replied. He still had his eyes shut when he replied, but he slowly opened them. He saw Remus giving him a sympathetic smile and nodding.
"Y-you're not mad? O-or yelling?" Harry blinked.
"Do I do that often?" Remus asked, giving Harry a small smile.
"No! But I just thought..." Harry trailed off.
"Harry, I'm not mad at all. I'm heartbroken you feel this way. I also know that it's not your fault. And Harry, please know that even if I didn't make my promise to you, I wouldn't send you to St. Mungos."
"Wait really? Why?"
"Harry, do you have a plan to hurt or kill yourself or others?"
"No!" Harry cried, adamant in his response.
Remus gave a small smile and nodded. "Harry, St. Mungos is a good place to keep someone safe from themself or to keep others safe from a person, if need be. You are not a danger to yourself or others. There isn't a reason for you to go."
Harry visibly relaxed, causing Remus to smile another small smile.
"Harry, I see students every week who feel like you do, minus the Voldemort part, of course."
Harry was visibly surprised. "Wait? What? Other students are like me?"
Remus gave Harry a sad smile. "Harry, there is a whole spectrum of suicidality."
"But, I'm not- I didn't say-" Harry stammered.
"You're okay. It's okay. You are not actively suicidal, as we just established. There's a whole range of suicidality. I've worked with many students who are passively suicidal. They don't have a plan or means to unalive themselves but they just wish they didn't exist and the world would be better off without them. Maybe someone is having thoughts about suicide, but no real intent to follow through for various reasons. Passive suicidal ideation also includes feeling hopeless about the future."
Harry sat with that information for a minute before saying, "So I'm not crazy?"
"We don't use that word in here, you know that. To answer what I think you're trying to ask, you are not alone in your feelings and may struggle with similar thoughts as you. I was passively suicidal for over a decade," Remus admitted.
"You?! Really?"
Remus nodded. "With my lycanthropy, things seemed rather dim. Between medication and therapy and finding reasons to live I was able to get better. However, I still have days where I slip back into that mindset."
"What do you do?"
"Well, I might talk to my therapist, Sirius, or Minerva. I hug you a little tighter," Remus said, reaching over and squeezing Harry, causing them both to smile. "I find some distractions as a way to cope. Truthfully, it's difficult. I know that some days feel impossible. You just take it a bit at a time. There have been days where I truly take it 10 seconds at a time. I celebrate surviving 10 seconds and then I take it 10 more."
"I-I like that. And, um, I'm sorry you've felt that way, Moony Da. I really love you and I can't imagine my life without you."
Remus smiled and ruffled Harry's hair. "Well, thank you, Cub. I appreciate your words. I wasn't telling you this for your sympathy, but I appreciate your affirmations. I love you too, Cub. You are a huge reason I am here today. Being your uncle/dad/godmother is the best job in the whole world."
"I like being your nephew/son/godson, too," Harry said, leaning into Remus.
They stayed there for a moment until Harry asked, "So am I good to go?"
Remus let out an amused noise and Harry said, "Yeah, I knew that there was more to say."
Remus pulled apart and turned to look at Harry. "Cub, you're certainly not alone in your feelings and many people struggle with the same thing. However, they're not to be dismissed, either. As your parent and as your therapist I have to address them."
Harry nodded.
"Now, I need you to know that there is more to your life than just defeating Voldemort," Remus said, echoing his statement from earlier in the session.
"It doesn't feel that way!" Harry cried, clenching his fists. "I have to defeat him! The prophecy says so!"
"Fuck the prophecy," Remus spat.
"Moony Da?" Harry said, shocked. He doesn't think he's ever heard Moony use that word before.
"Harry, forget about it. You are more than that. Many prophecies don't even come true. You deserve a life. Harry, I would move to America right now if that would convince you that you are more than this prophecy."
"Wait, really?" Harry has been saying that a lot this session.
Remus pulled out his wand. "I'd send a Patronus to Dadfoot right now and tell him to pack. We'd be gone before supper."
"But, but you love Hogwarts! You both have jobs! And this is your home!"
"You are our home, Harry. Wherever you are is where we are happy. If you want to go to America and forget about it all, we'd do it."
Harry sat back, shocked. Eventually, he sat up again and said, "I don't want to leave Hogwarts, it's too important to me. It's my home, as are you and Dadfoot. I have a life here. Even if I was raised in America, I'm sure I'd find out about the prophecy and as you and Hermione and others have pointed out, I kinda have a saving-people thing," Harry admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not even that I have to defeat Voldemort. I mean it is, but I just wish there was more, you know?"
"Oh, love. There is more! There's so much to look forward to!" Remus said, kissing the top of Harry's head. He took out his wand and waved it, flashing images in front of Harry's eyes.
"You have this to look forward to," Remus said, showing an image from his Hogwarts graduation.
"And this," An image with him holding baby Harry.
"And this," an image with Remus graduating from university.
"And this," Remus and Sirius' wedding.
"And this, and this, and this," Remus said, showing images of Remus with little Harry and Sirius, Remus, Sirius, and Harry playing a prank in the great hall, and Remus watching with pride as Harry plays Quidditch.
"And so much more. It may not feel like it at this moment, and that's okay. I want you to keep fighting and know that there is hope."
"I'll try, Moony Da," Harry whispered.
"Come 'ere, Cub," Remus said, opening his arms.
Harry once again found himself held by Remus and he didn't mind a bit. "Thank you," Harry whispered quietly.
"I love you, Harry James. I love you so much."
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)