Hey there,
Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it. We're getting to the end. I'm not sure right now but the will be one more chapter, maybe two, we'll see :)
They first met over 15 years ago and fell in love with each other that night; only neither of them dared to tell the truth. After 'the other time' Donna has made it clear that she doesn't get involved with men she works with. Harvey didn't want to lose herof risking, so he didn't say anything to keep her close.
"You're not just a pretty face, are you?" he asks and already knows the answer. 'She's special, I wanna marry her' he thinks to himself after exchanging two sentences with her.
"no, Í'm not" she answers with a smile.
Ever since they spent almost every day together. They talked, they flirted, they joked around, they were always there for each other, at any time and no matter what for. That night changed their lives and everything could have been different if they had been a little braver.
... ... ...
"You have the wife with whom you could share this life"
"Tell her Harvey' he hears Mike's voice.
And again he looks at his wheelchair. "I can't do that to her. She deserves better" he thinks.
'It's not on you to decide that for her' he remembers Mike's words all over again and takes a deep breath.
"I do" he says and turns to her but she doesn't stop, instead she opens the door and wants to leave the apartment. "I love you!" he says more forcefully and she stops immediately and turns slowly. "I love you... more than I've ever loved anyone. I- I didn't realize it earlier or I didn't want to admit it, I don't know… but what I do know is that I wanted to marry you from the second I met you." He says without a pause: "I am sorry it took me so long, I was..."
"You're such an idiot" she whispers but loud enough so he can hear her.
She drops her bag, hurries towards him and sits on his lap and kisses him without saying another word.
He rolls the wheelchair to his bed and neither of them cares about it. She helps him on his bed and they give vent to the longing they have had since the other time. They both had other partners and especially Harvey had so many other women but neither of them ever felt what they felt back then. It has never been so beautiful again, never again so emotional and it has never felt so good and right with someone else.
"I wish I would've come to my senses sooner" he whispers looking at her.
"I am here now" she smiles at him. "And for the record" she stops a few seconds analyzing his face "I love you, too" she says and they kiss again.
They just lay there enjoying each others near and not saying a word. Her head rests on his chest hearing his heartbeat. He caresses her hair and kisses them a thousand time this night.
... ... ...
"Why didn't you tell me sooner" she whispers as she lays on him stroking his head softly with her nails.
"First, I wasn't ready, than I didn't admit it 'cause you made it clear that you don't sleep with men you work with, I guess I was afraid if it didn't work out I'd lose you completely so it was easier to not admit anything to anyone including myself"
"When- When did you know?"
"After our fight when you didn't believe me I was feeling sick. We hadn't talk about three days and I realized how much I missed you. I was afraid you wouldn't call or come anymore and… that's when I realized that I don't wanna live a life without you in it."
"Why didn't you tell me then?"
"When I understood it, the wheelchair was there and I thought you deserve better than a man in a wheelchair who'll probably need help for the rest of his life. And then Mike told me you were seeing Thomas. I thought if you were seeing someone it's clear you wouldn't have feelings for me.
"There's more. You're hiding something" she says looking at him. He smiles and shakes his head "How do you…"
"I'm Donna, forgot?"
"You always said you don't get involved wiht men you work with but you were seeing Thomas… and… and you were with him." He can't even say Huntley's name. "It seems like your rule only counts for me." He says in a hurting voice even though he doesn't want to.
"I'm sorry" she whispers "I never saw it from this point of view" she admits honstly. "I- just tried to move on with both of them but it didn't work out. You were always on my mind"
"When did you know" he asks her curiously.
"After the attack, when you were in the coma and I had to face the fact that you'll never come back" she says with teary eyes.
"Hey" he whispers and wipes a tear away with his thumb. I'm here, I'm fine" he reassures her "we're fine" he strokes her cheek and gives her another kiss.
"...but seriously? the wheelchair?" She shakes her head. "Do you really think I care about it?"
"I know you don't. I just... you deserve better" he says and turns his head, avoiding to look at her.
She raises her hand and turns his head so they look into each other's eyes again. "I guess it's not on you to decide this for me"
And when he hears that, a smile forms on his face.
"What's so funny?" she asks confused.
"That's what Mike said"
"yeah, he's really sma...wait, he knew?" He nods.
"No wonder he got so involved, Rachel must've told him I admitted it to her." and they both smile. "We're really idiots" she says and they kiss again. They just can't get enough of each other. They waited for so long. "We should try and get some sleep, we need it" she whispers on hid ear.
"I only need you" is his great judgment and he keeps kissing her on her neck.
"Harvey" she laughs.
"You can sleep" he says smiling "I won't" and she just shakes her head smiling.
... ... ...
"You hired a fraud?"
"yeah"
"Harvey"
"Donna, I don't wanna hear it"
"Well, I don't care, you're going to" he exhales.
"You know that's illegal, right?"
"Yes, I do know that, Donna. I'm a lawyer"
"Are you? Because a reasonable lawyer, oh! what am I talking about, a reasonable person wouldn't do that. What's wrong with you?"
"He deserves a chance, Donna. He never had one. His parents died when he was 11, he only had his grandmother. He got kicked out of college because of his damn best friend and..." he shakes his head.
"He's smart Donna, he can make something of himself" he says seriously.
"OK"
"what?"
"What? do you think I'm gonna give you a two-hour speech?"
"yeah, to be honest, that's exactly what I thought you'd do" he admits.
"You know it's wrong and you know what could happen and I swear to god if you lose your license because of this or if he's an unloyal idiot, I'm gonna kill both of you"
"okay, okay" Harvey says and throws his arms up in protection "I got it"
"Good" she says and smiles.
... ... ...
"Harvey, since when so early?"
"I'm a lawyer Mike, I have work to do"
"yeah, sure. What about the other days?"
"Shut up" he says positioning his wheelchair in front of him while Mike puts the chairs to the side.
"You look tired" says Mike
"Do you need glasses? I had a perfect night" he says smiling.
"Okay drop it. I don't wanna hear it"
"I think you do"
"Sure not" and Mike and throws him a folder on Harveys side of the desk.
"I'd rather hear your advice on that"
"If you think so" Harvey says and takes the folder.
"I just thought you might be interested to know that Donna and I got it."
Mike looks at him shocked "You… are you… you are?"
"Are you having a stroke?" He teases
"You are… together together?" Mike asks unbelievable.
"Well, we haven't definited anything yet but I guess yes. At least we admitted we love each other" he says with a smilie on his lips.
"You told each other you love each other?"
"Are you listening what I'm telling you or do I need to explain it all over again in children's language?"
"I'm sorry, it took you years to realize your feelings for each other while everyone around you knew. You can't accuse me for not believing it right away."
"Well Mike, you can believe it. We did"
Then Mike gets up and walks around his desk and hugs him as good as he can. "That's the best knew I heard in a very long while" Mike says with a smile.
"Thank you Mike, I guess without you I'd still deny it. I probably would've never told her."
"You're welcome Harvey"
"We should go on a double date" Mike blurts out, maybe a little to enthusiastically.
"Easy tiger!" Says Harvey laughing. "There's enough time for it but at the moment I just wanna be with her… alone. He emphasizes with a smile.
"Right" Mike says and gets serious again
"Are you alright?"
Harvey nods "yeah, I'm getting there, don't worry. The nightmares have become much less since the other day. I guess I just needed to tell anyone…
Listen, I know Donna'll find out when the next one comes but I don't want her to know yet. Maybe she'll find out tonight, maybe not but I want to enjoy evey second with her and I don't want her to worry about me and I'm not gonna let him to destroy that" he says firmly.
"I won't tell her, that's on you to tell her when you want to" Mike assures.
"Thanks Mike. I look over it later" he says lifting his arm in which he's holding the folder Mike gave him minutes ago and turns to leave the office.
"Oh and Mike, don't tell anyone right now. We haven't talked about anything yet. I guess Donna tells Rachel, so she'll know but no one else, okay?"
"Sure"
/
"I'm soo happy for you Donna. I can't believe it! You finally got it" says Rachel hugging her best friend tightly.
"Thanks Rachel. Without you and Mike I would've never confronted him"
"I Wanna know every detail" says Rachel walking with Donna toward the couch. "What did he say? What did he do? Did he deny it first"
"Rachel, calm down" says Donna laughing. "I think he was shocked at first and after I was about to leave, he told me he love me and that he's never loved someone more. He said he wanted to marry me since the second we met" Donna says smiling while she remember his word.
"Awww, he's so cute. But why the hell didn't he tell you then?" Asks Rachel seriously.
"Get us something to drink and I tell you everything"
"Okay" she answers and goes to get some wine and glasses.
… … …
"Hey" She says when he enters his condo.
"Hey" and a smile forms on his lips. He had no idea how good it would feel to come home and to find her there waiting for him.
"I cooked dinner. Lasagna"
"It smells great"
"I hope it tastes like it smells"
"It sure does" he says pulling her in a tight hug and kisses her. "I missed you" he whispers.
"I missed you, too. You haven't been almost the whole day not in the firm."
"I had some meetings and I couldn't postpone them" she nods. "Is Everything alright?"
"Yeah, everything is right. Just some annoying clients" he assures her.
After a while they're finish with eating.
"That was delicious, Donna. I didn't know you're such a good cooker"
"You don't know a lot about me, Specter"
"Oh really?" He smiles and raises an eyebrown.
"Sure, you think I told you everything?"
"Well, you don't know a lot about me either. I'm a great cooker, too. I just don't wanna do it. Ordering food is so much easier, you know?" and they both laugh. "I guess, it's your turn next time if you wanna prove me you're telling the truth"
"Deal" he says and leans forward to kiss her.
"What's for dessert?"
"Oh my god" she looks shocked at him "I completely forgot about it" and he can't avoid a loud laugh.
"Great cooker, right"
"I am" she protests "I just- it's your fault. I had to think the whole time about you. I'm glad I made this one without too much salt or didn't mix up Salt and sugar"
"Argh, lasagna with sugar…Look, I don't really care about the dessert. I can't think about anything else than kissing you since I got in here anywways" and he rolls over to her and stats kissing her.
"We need to clean up her" she whispers.
"There's enough time tomorrow" he says and they go to his bedroom.
"Ive thought so many times about what it's like to wake up next to you, but it's still more beautiful than I could've ever imagined." She tells him.
"It never felt so right with someone else. Something was always missing and I didn't know what... with you it's. It's like finally coming home. It feels like I'm complete now. I'm finally where I'm supposed to be." he says smiling at her."we both are" she says.
"Listen" Donna starts after a while
"I love that we finally got it, it took us long enough and I want to shout it out and tell everyone but... is it okay if we wait a bit before we tell the others? I wanna enjoy it a little bit longer before everyone knows and everyone tell us they already knew."
"yeah sure...uh...it's just"
"Yout told Mike" she says looking at him.
"I'm sorry, I just- I'm happier than ever and... he's kinda the reason I finally admitted it..."
"it's okay" she laughs "I told Rachel."
... ... ...
"MIke, take ca- care of her." He gas"s.
"Huntely please, let them help him"
"You have no idea how much I'm enjoying this" Huntley looks at Harvey.
"I thought you promised her to get her outa here, right?" he laughs.
"Hey, look at me" says Mike "Don't listen at him, okay? Just focus on yourself"
"MIke, Donna needs you, promise me" Donna knows what he's dreaming when he hears that.
"Harvey" she puts her hand on his shoulder and shakes him softly. "Harvey wake up" she notices his breathing becomes faster and she tries again to wake him up this time more forcefully.
"Harvey" she calls louder and shakes him a bit more and it works out 'cause he wakes up.
"It's okay, Harvey. Just a nightmare" he sits up and she strokes his back.
"It's okay" he says "I'm fine"
"What did you dream?"
He shakes his head "I can't really remember. But probably nothing good" he tries to assure her by giving her a smile but she looks skeptically.
"Really Donna... Let's go back to sleep, I'm still very tired" he says. And she doesn't push him, so they lay down again but neither of them sleeps properly that night.
Two weeks later
"Harvey, I would like to talk with you about something" Donna starts
"What is it Donna, is everything alright?" he asks worried.
"Yeah, it's nothing about me"
"What is it?"
"It's Lilly... you should call her"
he looks shocked at her "no" he says firmly.
"Harvey"
"Donna, you know I love you and your opinion was always important for me but this one is between her and me"
"I know that. But you're both unhappy"
"I am not unhappy. Actually I've never been happier. I don't miss her in my life and I don't give a shit if she misses me or not"
"That's what you keep telling yourself"
"Drop it Donna" he says a bit annoyed now.
"If you don't care that much, why did you have her picture on your wall for years? Why were you so sad when it suddenly wasn't there anymore, huh?"
"I wasn't sad" he disagrees.
"Bullshit! You forgave her a long time ago. You are just to proud to go over there and tell her. And you will regret it one day that I can tell you for sure"
"I sure won't. She hurt him, she hurt me. I lied at him to keep her goddamn secret. I betrayed him" he shouts now in a hurt and guilty voice.
"I know that Harvey but he never blamed you. He knew you loved him and he loved you, too. You loved her and you trusted her. You just need to forgive. Your father also forgave her, you know that. And… if you had seen her while you were in a coma..."
"What? Then what Donna? You think I would've forgiven her? Well, You're wrong! I don't wanna see her, I don't wanna talk to her and I'm not gonna forgive her, ever! And I'd really appreciate if you could respect this" he says annoyed.
"I need some fresh air" he says takes, his jacket and leaves the condo.
"Harvey" but he ignores her.
Mike opens his door and looks surprised.
"Harvey! Shoudn't you be with Donna?" He asks clueless
"We had an argument"
"About what?"
"It doesn't matter. Can I sleep here tonight?"
"Yes, of course but you sure you want that?"
"No, I don't want it but I just need some space"
"He's here Donna" they hear Rachel telling her on the phone. "I'll call you later" she says and hangs up.
"Hey Harvey" says Rachel walking into the living room.
"Rachel" Harvey gives her a nod "She told you?"
"She did"
"I- I have some work to do" she says and leaves them alone.
"What happened Harvey?" Harvey exhales
"She wants me to call… Lilly. She says I already forgave her and I'm just to stubborn to admit it."
"Is she right?"
"Goddamn it! No! She isn't!"
"Then why are you so upset about it?"
"I. Am. Not. Upset. Mike!" He says even louder.
"Harvey lower your voice, Lucy's in her room sleeping.
"I'm sorry" he says.
"Listen, I know it's not my business and it's your decision. And when she came to visit you when you were in the coma I was the one who didn't want to let her in first but she do and Donna convinced me. Then I saw that she really loves you, she cares about you, Harvey. I know what she did was cruel and it's not easy to be forgiven but maybe you should think about whether Donnas's probably right. I mean you had her picture for years on your wall, you wouldn't have if you wouldn't care about her at all."
"That's something else. That was one of the good moments I remember with her. And we didn't have that much."
"You could make some new"
"I don't want to"
"Harvey, you know I argued with my parents that night. And you know I would give everything just to have the chance to at least make up with them or just to let'em hug me"
"That's different. They loved you"
"She loves you, too."
"Mike…"
"I wasn't finished. I'll never have that chance, I can never take back what I said and I can never apologize that I didn't allowed them to hug me when they left. They're gone. And one day, it'll be the same with your mother and I really don't want you to go through the same experience. I care about you Harvey, not about her. And I don't want you to regret it one day because you are to proud right now."
"I appreciate that Mike, I really do… but your parents loved you. They didn't make you keep things and she did… and she knew how much I loved my father."
"I'm not saying she was a good mother, I'm just saying you should give her a chance to make it right, not for her… for you!" Harvey nods.
"I should go home" he says
"Yes, you should buddy" he says giving him a soft clap on his arm. He leaves the condo again and goes back at his'
"Hey" she greets him softly.
"Hey" he greets back.
"I'm sorry" they say at the same time. "I just want to help you" she says
"I know but I don't want to talk to her now. Listen, Mike also tried to convince me earlier when I was there. And yeah he knows what he's talking about. I'll think about it, I just need to think about it whether I wanna her in my life or not and then I'll decide what I wanna do. Alright?"
"Yeah" she says and pulls him in a hug.
"But I really need you to accept in case I decide against it"
"Okay. Just promise me to really think about it. Take your time"
He nods "I promise"
… … …
"Mike, how's Donna"
"She's fine buddy, don't worry. Just keep breathing.
"He shot at her" he gasps for air.
"She' ll be fine"
"He's lying" says Huntley. "Look at that Harvey" he points at his gun and then at Donna. "I'm gonna kill her and I now kinda hope you'll survive 'cause it's so much more fun knowing that you have to live with the fact that your great love is dead because of you.
"Three" Huntley starts
"No" Harvey gasps and squeezes Mikes hand tightly.
"Two" / "Mike, Mike stop him" Mike squeezes his hand
"One. Bye bye Donna" and he fires the gun and he sees her falling backward.
"NO! DONNA" Harvey screams
"Harvey, Harvey please wake up." And he finally does so.
His breathing is hectic and for a few seconds he doesn't know where he is.
"Harvey. Look at me" she says softly and he looks at her "Donna" he whispers.
"Yeah, I'm here"
"You're alive"
"Yes, l'm fine" she takes his face on her hand.
"Please, just hug me" he says in a pleading voice" and she does as told. He pulls her in a tight hug and won't let go of her for a few minutes. She encourages him until his breathing calms down again and they break the hug.
"You wanna talk about it?" she asks carefully.
"He- he shot you...I lay shot down on the floor, MIke was there talking to me to hold on and...he said to me he hopes I'd survive because it's a lot more fun when I live with it, that I am to blame for the death of the love of my life." He takes some deep breaths.
"I- I couldn't do anything. I had to watch him shoot you. I- I"
"Hey, hey" look at me "I'm fine, I'm here." she hugs him again. "Everything is fine"
"I promised you to get you out there and I didn't" she sees a tear rolling down his cheek.
"Harvey...he shot you. How were you supposed to do it?"
"I should've convinced him... somehow"
"He only had one goal, nobody could've convinced him from it. Please stop blaming yourself. I'm fine, I never blamed you, not for a second." She tries to convince him and he nods.
After a while Harvey starts speaking again.
"Mike told me a few weeks ago you saved my life" he looks up at her.
"What do you mean?"
"After I lost consciousness... Mike was only able to open the door because you threw up." She smiles.
"You thanked me after you woke up. MIke told you back then." She says confused and doesn't notice that he forgot it.
"really? I can't remember it"
"That's because you were really sleepy back then"
"Mike didn't mention it that he already told me." He says confused.
"Maybe because he didn't want you to worry about forgetting anything else, I don't know." she says.
"Did I? forget anything else?"
"I don't think so. I didn't notice anything" she reassures him.
"Thank you anyways. You saved me"
"Yeah, I- I thought you were dead. All of a sudden I couldn't breathe and I felt sick- And then I was throwing up. A few seconds later I saw that Huntely was shot on the ground and paramedics were with you."
"I wish he'd be dead" he says almost whispering. "I know I shouldn't say..."
"You have every right to say that. But look, it's much better that way. At least he'll be trapped in a cell his whole life. This time he has no chance to escape. He will be alone forever and never again get out, that's a much bigger punishment for him."
"Yeah, probably you're right. Thank you, my hero" he strokes her cheek and they smile "You're welcome! But it was more MIke than me"
"I already thanked him. I just didn't know about you at first. And than everything was so weird between us and... I just thought it'd be better to be quiet."
"How long have you had the nightmares?" she asks after they're laying again.
"Since we got the invitation to testify. Actually it's always me he shoots. Mike's there telling me to hold on and I- I feel everything all over agai". But this time… he shot me down and killed you and I- couldn't"
"Hey, it was just a dream" she squeezes his hand. "I know" he whispers "I know"
"You've been alone with this for so long" she says sadly and he shakes his head.
"No, MIke knows. He came over a few weeks ago to convince me to tell you the truth about my feelings and than... I don't know, I was so mad and sad… he took me somewhere to vent my anger and then I told him"
"I'm really glad to hear that. It's weird he never mentioned anything about it, not the nightmares, or the place he took you."
"That's because he knew I don't want anyone to know. And since the other day I knew you'd find out one day. I just wanted to enjoy the time till you do. I don't want you to worry about me"
"I know that. But I want you to know that I wanna know when something bothers you or when you're struggeling. I love you Harvey! I want you to trust me and I want you to share things with me. I don' t want you to think it'd bother me, it bothers me more when I don't know what's going on with you and when I don't know how you feeling"
"Okay, no more secrets" he promises.
"Good" she says and kisses him.
"Where did MIke bring you?" she asks curiously.
"I have no idea. We drove for over half an hour. There was a hut, wood pieces and glass bottles. I just knocked everything over, threw everything away. I broke so many glass bottles that day". He smiles "I just let it all out... and then we talked and I told him. I didn't expect to do it and I didn't even know how much I needed it."
"He really cares about you. I'm so glad he was there for you" Donna says with a weak smile.
"I know. I just have no idea how to thank him. How to show him how much it means to me what he did the last months. I don't know what I would've done without him"
"He knows Harvey"
"I still want to. Without him we wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be alive at all"
"Then I'm pretty sure you'll think of something" she assures him.
"You won't help me?" He asks
"Nope, that one's on you" she laughs. "Now let's try to get some more sleep.
Hope you liked it! I know there's no much fluff but it's really not my area, I tried it hahah.
If someone has an idea how Harvey could thank Mike, you're welcome to let me know. But I don't mean something money can buy :)
Have a nice time 3