Author's Note: TW for panic attack. Thanks for being here and for all those who have commented at any point in this story! You are so appreciated! You are loved!
Also, I rewrote this chapter so! many! times! Goodness gracious, I couldn't decide how I wanted this chapter. It went alright, but I'm also nervous for the next chapter. I wish i had written something different in an earlier chapter, but alas, I had to go with what I already wrote (not planning on writing a story that is 200k words! haha joke's on me). Anyway, I hope you like it!
Summary of the last chapter: Harry, Sirius, and Remus return from their trip. All went well for a few weeks until some Slytherin students corner Harry in the hallway. Harry acts, well, like a Gryffindor, and gets in a fight. It's the full moon tonight so Remus and Sirius are out. Harry promised not to have anything important happen while Remus and Sirius were gone.
Summary of this chapter: Trouble really does find Harry, doesn't it? Despite his best efforts, something important happens.
Harry went back to his dorm after his session and his dormmates were all in there.
"Harry! We heard you punched Briggs!? Is it true?" Seamus asked, getting off of Dean when he came in the room.
Harry was impressed that his fight was more interesting than Dean's lips, but there was a first time for everything.
"Yeah. It wasn't my proudest moment," Harry winced.
"Are you kidding, mate? It sounded bloody brilliant!" Ron said, jumping up.
Harry grinned. "Who am I kidding? It was rather brilliant!"
"What happened?" Neville asked, intrigued.
Harry went over the whole story with them and by the time he was finished, he had Seamus, Dean, Neville, and Ron all ready to go fight them as well.
"I'm in trouble as it is. Tonight's my last night here for a week and then I have to stay with my godparents," Harry explained.
"Why aren't you there tonight?" Seamus asked.
Dean nudged Seamus, "It's a full moon, idiot," he hissed.
Harry chuckled at their exchange and nodded. "It's alright. Yeah, it's a full moon. But we should brainstorm some pranks for them later. I'm sure the twins would help."
"Are you kidding? They'd love it!" Ron agreed.
The boys talked for a while longer until Ron's stomach growled, signaling it was time to go down for supper. As the boys left the room, Neville grabbed Harry and held him back. "Hey, I just want to make sure you're okay from everything," Neville said, shifting his weight between both feet.
Harry gave Neville a grateful smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. I had a session with Professor Lupin after it so we've talked."
Neville looked relieved. "Oh, good! Okay, I'm glad about that."
"Thanks, Neville. C'mon let's catch up with the guys," Harry said.
Harry and Neville quickly caught up with the dorm mates and the boys had a nice dinner together. Harry thought Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall were keeping an extra eye on him as he caught them looking at him more often than usual, but he just shrugged it off. They were just being adults, Harry guessed.
After dinner, Harry had to retell the story to half of Gryffindor in the common room, and Fred and George were completely on board with the pranks. Harry got some homework done after that before retiring to bed.
That is where the trouble started.
Harry was doing much better but was still a bit bothered by the events that took place that day. He did his best to clear his mind and fell asleep.
He did not have good dreams. Harry had a nightmare, but he had a silencing charm to not disturb anyone. He fell into an uneasy rest.
"Where is it?" Voldemort hissed, waving his wand.
"I am not sure, My Lord," a death eater admitted.
"CRUCIO!"
The death eater fell to the ground and whimpered.
"There's another part. I need to know what it says. I need to defeat that boy," Voldemort snapped, now twirling his wand.
"Probably the hall of prophecies. I'm sorry My Lord, I do not know,"
Voldemort once again crucioed his follower before turning around and looking at Nagini. "Harry Potter must die. I must defeat him. What else could the prophecy say?" He wondered aloud.
Nagini hissed and curled up onto Voldemort, making her way onto his arm.
"We will find it. We will defeat him. We just have to figure out how to get to him."
Voldemort took a few steps away and then crucioed the death eater one last time.
Harry felt this pain and hatred and woke up, screaming. He sat up in bed, his forehead soaked with sweat. He stumbled out of bed and started to hurry towards Dumbledore's office and quarters.
Harry had no idea what time it was, but it didn't matter to him. He dizzily walked through the halls until he reached the gargoyle who let him in. Harry made his way up the steps and managed to trip twice, not that it bothered him. By the time he got to Dumbledore's office, Dumbledore was hurrying to meet him at the top of the stairs.
He must have been notified that Harry was coming up the stairs, but Harry didn't bother to think about it right now.
"Harry, what's wrong? What happened?" Dumbledore asked, grabbing the arm of the shaking teenager and leading him into a chair in his office.
"V-Voldemort," Harry managed to say, still shaking.
Dumbledore waved his want and sent a Patronus to Minerva and Snape, telling them to come to him.
"He's angry. He wants to know where it is. Th-the p-prophecy. He wants to get it. Says there's more," Harry choked out.
"Who was he with, Harry?" Dumbledore asked seriously.
"Some death eater. I think a Lestrange brother. He crucioed them. I-I can still feel it. And I could feel his anger. He knows there's more. I don't even know what that means! What does he mean, more?" Harry asked.
"Where was he, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, ignoring the question.
"I don't know. A manor. It could've been Malfoy Manor. I was only there once when I was little," Harry admitted. "What did he mean more? He said I had to die. he wants to get me. He says there's another part. What is going on?!" Harry cried, beginning to hyperventilate.
Dumbledore was in his thoughts, his eyes glazed over and focused on a spot on the wall.
Harry now had tears running down his face. His vision started to get blurry when he felt comforting hands on him. "I've got you, Harry. You're at Hogwarts. It's Grandma Min. Take some breaths with me, Dear."
Minerva gently rubbed Harry's back, calming him down and slowing his breathing. When Harry had come out of the panic attack Dumbledore had an apologetic look on his face. Minerva, on the other hand, was shooting daggers at Albus.
"Harry, was it Voldemort?" Minerva asked as Snape entered the room.
Harry nodded, still shaking.
"He says there's more to the prophecy. Someone mentioned the Hall of Prophecies. What are they talking about?" Harry asked, looking at all of the adults.
Snape and Dumbledore exchanged an uneasy look and Minerva's face hardened at the exchange.
"Harry?" She said soothingly. "We should get you some rest. Why don't you come to your shared bedroom, hm? We can wait there until your godparents are back."
Harry had had enough of being pushed around. This was beyond ridiculous. "NO! IT'S MY LIFE! I NEED TO KNOW! I WANT ANSWERS! WHY? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT MORE OF A PROPHECY? WHY IS VOLDEMORT STILL GETTING IN MY MIND?! WHY IS MY SCAR HURTING?! WHY?!"
"Your scar is bothering you?" Dumbledore asked, going toward the irate teen. Dumbledore lifted Harry's head up and his fingers gently brushed over his scar.
"TELL ME!" Harry shouted, stomping his foot and flinching away.
Some of the items on Dumbledore's desk started to shake and the paintings on the wall rattled.
"Mr. Potter, you need to calm down," Snape said, taking a step toward the angry boy.
"NO! I CAN'T!" Harry's eyes filled with angry tears.
"Harry, you will get an explanation. You first need to calm down."
"Come on, Lion, breathe with me," Minerva reassured him, gently rubbing his arm.
After a moment, Harry had gotten his breathing under control and the gizmos stopped shaking.
"Harry, please sit," Dumbledore asked kindly.
Harry opened his eyes and eyed the headmaster wearily, but didn't argue. He slowly sat down, Minerva right next to him.
"Harry, you are aware that you and Voldemort have a connection," Dumbledore began.
Harry nodded.
Dumbledore sighed, looking every bit his age. He hated doing this. "You know that when Tom tried to kill you, the spell somehow backfired and almost destroyed him."
Harry nodded again.
"And then in the graveyard, he used your blood to resurrect, in a way, himself."
Harry shuddered but nodded again.
"Voldemort knows there is some connection with you and part of that has to do with the prophecy."
"What does it say? What does it say?" Harry questioned.
Dumbledore sighed. "I can't say anything without your parents. They need to be here for this."
"What am I supposed to do? Just stay here and sit happily? He's after me and I don't even know why!"
"Harry," Snape began.
"No! I can't! I can't!" Harry cried out. He jumped up and ran out of the room. He needed space. He needed to get out.
Harry heard voices calling after him and even a tug on him, but his magic fought back, not being contained this time.
Harry hurried out to the grounds. He needed air. He couldn't catch his breath and couldn't stand to be constricted anymore. Harry, once outside, haphazardly ran far enough out to be out of earshot of the castle. He panted for a moment before letting out an anguished yell and falling to his knees.
He couldn't take the secrecy and control others had. He hated having Voldemort so embedded in his life. It was too much.
Harry looked up at the sky and was all of a sudden tackled to the ground. Harry stiffened but quickly relaxed, realizing what was going on.
Padfoot and Moony had heard Harry's yell and immediately woke up and ran towards the sound. Moony had gotten there first and pinned Harry to the ground.
Harry looked up at Moony and didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Padfoot was right on Moony's tail and got to Harry not long after. He popped into Sirius and said, "Harry?! What is going on?!"
Harry just gave Sirius a watery smile and shook his head.
"Come on, Moons. Let him up," Sirius said gently, petting Moony. Moony seemed to raise his eyebrows at Sirius before slowly getting off of Harry, but keeping his watchful eye on him.
"Harry, have you hurt yourself at all?" Sirius asked, checking over Harry's body.
Harry shook his head again, but it didn't stop Sirius from checking him out. Once Sirius was convinced that Harry was physically alright he squatted down to look at Harry. "Pup, it's the middle of the night and it's early March in Scotland. Let's go inside."
"B-but Moony!" Harry protested, refusing to leave him out here alone.
"We'll take him with us," Sirius shrugged.
"Really?!" Harry asked, his eyes wide.
"This new wolfsbane is really something. He's just like an animagus, aren't you?" Sirius said, scratching Moony's head.
"I don't know if they'll let you," Harry said quietly.
"We're not the Marauders for nothing," Sirius said with a sly grin.
Sirius led Harry and Moony down the side of the grounds until they came to a statue covered in dew and moss.
"Ready Moony?" Sirius asked, grinning.
Moony nodded.
"Merlin, I haven't done this in forever. This is fun," Sirius whispered enthusiastically, grinning. This even got a smile on Harry's face.
Sirius put his hand on the head of the statue and pulled it all the way to the side. "Nearly Headless Nick showed me this one," Sirius added, still grinning.
Next to the statue, a curved opening appeared and Sirius led them inside.
"Where are we?" Harry asked.
"On the Ravenclaw side, but the level of the dungeons. Shh. C'mon," Sirius whispered.
Harry followed Sirius down several hallways he had never seen before until they made their way to the floor their quarters were on. Harry knew the way now but kept following Sirius until they reached the quarters. They ushered Moony in first who gleefully took the dog bed in their sitting room.
"Bastard," Sirius said, sticking his tongue out at him.
Moony just mocked him with a shake of his head.
Sirius turned to Harry now and became, well, serious. "How're you doing, Pup?'
"'M okay," Harry shrugged, turning away as his eyes welled up with tears.
"Harry James, my son. Come here," Sirius said, engulfing him in a hug.
Harry hesitantly took a step forward and was overcome with warmth and love from Sirius' hug.
"Dadfoot," Harry choked out, trying not to cry.
"Shh, you're okay. Just let it out, Love. We're here."
Harry let out a broken sob but fully released as Sirius rubbed his back. Harry and Sirius stayed there for a while until Harry was calm enough to break apart and wipe his face.
"What happened tonight?" Sirius asked as they sat down on the couch.
Harry thought for a moment before saying, "I know Moony is listening and all but I just can't do this right now. I want to wait until later when I have you and Moony Da and I feel better because right now, Dadfoot, right now, I just can't- I can't-," Harry paused and took a shaky breath, blinking away more tears. "Right now I just can't handle anything else. I just can't."
Sirius nodded. "Of course, Love. I understand. We're going to keep you safe with us, okay? We've got you. You are loved. You are safe. You hear me?" Sirius asked, trying to catch Harry's eye.
Harry nodded, thankful for his godparents.
"Good. Now then, Do I need to tell anyone that you're safe?"
Harry looked away from him both sheepishly and with anger. "I dunno. Maybe."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Harry James," Sirius said, gently but firmly, "Tell me. Do I need to tell an adult that you are safe?"
Harry sighed and then said, "I ran away from Grandad, Grandma Min, and Snape."
Sirius bit back a sigh and said, "Alright. I'm going to tell them that you're safe. Moony's got you until I'm back, alright?"
Harry nodded and then leaned in to give Sirius another hug. "I love you, Dadfoot."
"I love you too, Pup. I'll be back faster than you can say Sneaky Snitch."
Harry smiled at Sirius as he walked out the door and the moment it was shut, Moony whined and moved a paw, indicating for Harry to come to him. Harry got off of the couch and walked over to Moony and then laid down where he was. Moony put a protective paw over him and Harry smiled and nuzzled into the werewolf's hold.
"I love you, Moony,"
The werewolf let out a noise that seemed loving to Harry and he smiled, kissing the werewolf and closing his eyes.
Meanwhile, Sirius' warm and comforting look was off of his face and replaced with a firm and determined look. Sirius walked to Albus' office but saw the man walking toward him.
"Sirius!" Albus cried, hurrying towards him. "It's Harry, he ran off and-"
"We have him," Sirius interrupted, no emotion in his voice. "He's safe, no thanks to you."
"I'm glad he's safe. He had a nightmare and a vision. He wanted information but I told him I couldn't tell him anything without his parents."
"And while I appreciate that, Albus, he was still extremely distraught. We found him screaming outside."
Albus sighed wearily. "I truly wanted the best for him. I tried to stop him but his accidental magic was rather strong."
"He's safe. Please, leave us alone for right now. We will contact you tomorrow, well, today I guess."
Albus nodded. He didn't love that but he had to respect Sirius and Remus' request. "Of course. Is there anything I can do for you?"
"No, thank you. Who else was aware of tonight?"
"Just Severus and Minerva."
"Alright, thank you. Goodnight, Albus."
"Goodnight, Sirius."
When Sirius came back to their quarters he saw Harry curled up by Moony.
"Pup?" Sirius asked softly.
"Hm?" Harry mumbled, half opening one eye.
"Come on, let's head to our bed."
"But Moony," Harry weakly protested.
"We have a wizard king-size bed and we can change the sheets tomorrow. Let's go."
Harry nodded and allowed Sirius to help him stand up and go to their bed. Sirius came back from the room to nudge Moony who was slow to wake up, but then bounded onto the bed, excited for the privilege.
Sirius then got on and Moony and Sirius had Harry in between them.
"We've got you, Harry. You are loved," Sirius whispered to the half-asleep boy.
A smile appeared on Harry's face and he murmured, "Thanks," before falling asleep.
Remus woke up first the next morning. Despite it being the full moon the night before and the events that happened, Remus felt well-rested. His mind, however, wouldn't stop spinning. He carefully got out of bed and dressed before making his way to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Remus sat and slowly sipped his tea for over half an hour, thinking, until he started to make breakfast for everyone.
Sirius woke up as Remus was cooking. He slowly shut the bedroom door behind him and walked over to Remus.
"Good morning, Love. How are you feeling?"
"Like the full moon never happened," Remus admitted.
"That's splendid. I'm so happy to hear that," Sirius gushed, giving Remus a squeeze.
"I know. It is rather lovely."
"What's on your mind, then? I know that look and you've got something on your mind."
Remus sighed. "Harry. I don't know what to tell him. There's so much we don't even know. He's so upset and there's so much going on."
Sirius nodded and thought for a moment before replying. "You're right. I know we don't lie to Harry or keep secrets from him."
"I know, and I believe strongly in that. I also know that if we tell Harry about the-" Remus lowered his voice to a whisper, "Horcruxes, Harry would not react well. I'd be worried for his life."
"Really, Rem?" Sirius asked, his eyes sad.
Remus nodded, confirming it.
Sirius sighed now and ran a hand through his hair. "Bugger. It's not an easy one."
"No, it's not."
"But there's no reason you have to deal with this alone, alright? We're a team."
Remus smiled and kissed Sirius. "I love you."
"And I, you. It's Friday. I'm going to cancel my classes and I know you don't have any sessions today. Let's tell Minerva Mum that we're keeping Harry with us. I think we all need it after tonight."
Remus hesitated and then slowly nodded. "I think you're right. We do have to talk to Albus today and we need to make sure Harry is going to be alright."
"Of course. He's our priority," Sirius agreed.
"Do you want to finish breakfast and I'll visit Albus? I'm sure he's been up in his office for hours."
"Sounds good, Love. Thank you," Remus said, kissing his husband on the lips.
Sirius kissed back and then made his way to the fireplace to floo away while Remus turned back to the pancake batter.
Albus immediately granted Sirius floo access and gave the younger man a warm, but weary, smile as he came through. "Good morning, Sirius."
"Good morning, Albus. I was hoping I could talk to you for a couple of minutes before I head back for breakfast?"
"Certainly. Please, sit down," Dumbledore said, gesturing.
Sirius sat down in a chair and immediately started speaking. "Albus, Harry's going to want information today. He's clearly overwhelmed and while we don't want to give him this information, we also don't want to lie to him anymore."
"I understand. How much does he know about the prophecy?'
"Enough. I want to listen to Harry when we're talking to him and Remus and I will lead the conversation, does that make sense? You mean well but once it's said we can't take it back."
Albus nodded solemnly. "I understand. What can I do to help?"
"Please support Harry in any way possible. Tell him the truth when he asks."
"I shall do the best I can," Albus nodded.
Sirius nodded and talked to Albus a bit more about what was going to happen later on until he thanked him for his time and went back to his quarters. Remus had finished some pancakes and Sirius sat down and ravenously ate them.
"How did it go with Albus?" Remus asked, eating his breakfast.
"As well as it could've. He knows we are going to take control of the meeting."
"Good."
It was quiet for a moment before Remus abruptly set down his silverware and sighed, looking at Sirius. "Sirius, I don't have a good feeling about this. This isn't good. This is terrible. I really wish we didn't have to tell him. Part of me wishes Albus never told us."
Sirius nodded and reached his hand out to Remus. "I know. We both know this is going to be hard for Harry and there's nothing we can do about it."
"I just want to keep him safe," Remus whispered, his eyes full of tears.
"I know, I know," Sirius whispered back.
Just then, their bedroom door opened and a tired Harry came out. Remus quickly turned away, wiping his face and clearing his throat. Remus has always thought that it's important for Harry to see him and Sirius have emotions and to talk about it, but this wasn't it. Harry would ask about it and Remus knew that this would only worry the boy even more.
"Good morning, Harry!" Sirius smiled, getting up to give the teenager a hug. "How'd you sleep?"
"Better once I was with you both. Am I going to classes today?"
"No, is that alright?" Sirius asked.
Harry nodded. "Yeah. I want to take a nap today anyway," Harry yawned.
"Why don't you have some breakfast first, hmm?" Sirius offered as Remus got up to get Harry some breakfast now that he was composed.
"Good morning, Cub," Remus said, giving Harry a small smile and peck on his head as he set down a plate of pancakes.
"Mornin' Moony Da," Harry smiled up at him before going to town on his pancakes.
Sirius, Remus, and Harry enjoyed some light conversation as they ate breakfast, but by the end of it, Harry looked uneasy.
"What's on your mind, Cub?" Remus asked kindly.
Harry sighed and pushed away his plate. "We've got to talk about last night, don't we?"
"That would be helpful, yes," Remus affirmed.
Harry brought his knees up on the chair and wrapped his arms around them. "I had a nightmare and a vision. Voldemort was angry. He wanted to get the prophecy and said there was more to it. He kept crucioing some death eater- I think it was a Lestrange brother. I dunno. I went to Dumbledore when it happened and he got Grandma Min and Snape. I kept asking him to tell me about it and let me know what I was missing. He said he couldn't tell me without you two and then they wanted to get me to rest. I was so angry and so confused. I just wanted to know something. I then ran out and you both found me." Harry looked down as he finished explaining.
"I'm glad you're safe," Remus began. "I'm also really proud of you for going to Dumbledore after the vision. That was the right thing to do."
A small smile appeared on Harry's face as Remus praised him.
"Running away was not the safest thing to do, however," Remus said with a raised eyebrow.
Harry's smile fell off his face.
"I understand you were angry and confused. We're going to work on using your words next time or asking for space."
Harry nodded but seemed irritated.
"What is it?" Remus asked, recognizing the look on Harry's face.
"It's just that I had to get away! I had to! I needed air and space and they wanted me to rest. I mean, how could I rest? It didn't make any sense!" Harry said loudly, throwing his hands up and standing up.
Remus stood up and silently rubbed calming circles on Harry's back, not saying anything. After a moment, Harry took some deep breaths and slowly sat back down. "Sorry," he mumbled.
"You don't have to apologize for feeling your feelings. I can see how being told to rest when you felt like doing anything could be overly frustrating."
Harry nodded, not yet trusting the right words to come out of his mouth.
"If this happens again, say that you need a minute to breathe. Unless the situation is life-threatening, Dadfoot, myself, and the adults that were there last night will all give you time to take a breath and gather your thoughts. Does that sound like something you can try next time?"
"Yeah," Harry agreed.
"Good."
"I was so worried about you last night, Pup," Sirius spoke.
"I really am sorry for worrying you, Dadfoot," Harry said genuinely.
"I know. I'm just saying that so you'll remember that you mean so much to me and know that I love you, okay?"
"Yes, Sir," Harry smiled.
"Good. Now, I think we have to talk to Albus this morning. Why don't you shower and one of us will pop in when you're done, alright?"
"Sounds good. Love you, Dadfoot! Love you, Moony Da!" Harry said, giving them both hugs before he hurried into the bathroom.
"Merlin, I hope he's going to be okay," Sirius said wistfully, staring at the spot Harry was in only a moment before.
"Me too, Sirius. We're here to help him through it. No matter what happens, he's always got us. We'll be okay," Remus reassured him.
Sirius didn't respond to that comment but instead turned to Remus. "I love you," he said, kissing him.
"I love you, too," Remus replied, kissing him back.
They could only hope that Harry would be okay after hearing this. It was life-changing, but they were all in this together.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)