Author's Note: TW: references and descriptions of self-harm, blood.
I really appreciate you reading this! If you've read my story and never commented before, I'd love to hear what you think! To all those who have commented, THANK YOU! They truly encourage me to write more and I love hearing your ideas. There was a heavy chapter before this and more triggering stuff coming up in future chapters. Please continue to take care of yourself and know that you are not alone. Thanks for being here. You are good! You are loved!
Previous Chapter Summary: Harry finds out he is one of the seven Horcruxes. He runs out of Dumbledore's office and cuts his arm and tries to summon the Horcrux out of him, causing blood loss and him to pass out. Remus finds him and brings him to the Hospital Wing. Draco and Madame Pomfrey help Harry and while doing so, Madame Pomfrey finds out about Harry's self-harming habits. Harry is going to be okay but is still unconscious.
This Chapter Summary: Harry wakes up and has important conversations with people. He is reminded that he is not evil.
Harry groaned. His arm was sore and he felt like his whole body was constrained. He moved around in bed, not sure what was going on.
"He's waking up! He's waking up!" Harry heard a hushed voice excitedly whisper.
And, Oh, Merlin! His head was killing him!
Harry moaned again before opening an eye and squinting at the bright light.
"Oh, I got it, Love," Remus said softly, taking out his wand and dimming the lights considerably.
Harry opened an eye again and squinted before opening both eyes. "Wha-" Harry began, but his voice was hoarse and scratchy.
"Have some water, Love," Sirius offered, bringing a cup of water to his lips.
Harry took a sip out of the cup, the cool water was soothing to his throat. He looked around and saw he was in the hospital wing. Before he could utter another word, however, everything came rushing back to him.
"Oh, no," was all Harry could mutter. He put his head back on the pillow and shut his eyes.
"Please leave me be," Harry feebly requested.
Although Harry's eyes were closed, Remus still gave him a small, sad smile.
"I'm sorry, Cub. You've got to have an adult with you all the time right now. You gave us quite a scare."
Harry sat up, ignoring the pain in his arm as he propped himself up. He kept his eyes open, but fixed his sight on the screen in front of him, not making any eye contact with his godparents.
"It was just my arm," Harry defended himself.
"It was not, 'just your arm'. And even if it was, that is rather serious," Remus reminded him, gently, but with finality in his tone. "Your head worried us deeply."
"My head?" Harry asked, confused. "What do you mea- OH. OH. My head," Harry said, remembering that detail.
"What'd you do, Cub?" Sirius asked gently, putting his hand out to touch Harry's arm.
Harry tried to move his arm away. "I don't want to tell you both anything. I am so angry with you both right now."
Sirius turned away, hurt, but Remus nodded his head. "I understand that. You're allowed to be and I appreciate you telling us your feelings. Harry, we can leave you alone for a bit, but you have to tell us what happened to your head before we do that. We have no idea."
"Really?" Harry asked, surprised. He turned his head to face Remus, but still stared down at the sheets.
"None at all," Sirius confirmed.
Harry didn't know whether to be surprised, happy, or disappointed. He ended up being quiet for a moment and then sighed, knowing he had to tell them. Besides, he wanted to be left alone.
"Promise you won't be mad?" Harry asked, looking down.
"I can't tell you how we will feel, but I can tell you that we won't punish you for it," Remus told him.
Harry nodded at the very therapist-y answer and took a deep breath before saying, "I tried to summon the Horcrux. I tried to summon it out of me. Did I do it?" Harry asked hopefully, finally making eye contact with his parents.
"I'm afraid not, Pup," Sirius said with a sad smile.
Harry's face fell and he fought back tears. "Figures. Of course, it wouldn't work."
"Of all the Gryffindor things to do," Sirius said gently, astounded at the reckless act his godson did.
"Sirius," Remus admonished lightly. "We're not doing it now. We told him we'd give him space if he told us." Remus turned to Harry now. "Someone will be back in an hour. We're letting Poppy know we're leaving and I'm sure she'll check on you."
Remus stood up and gestured Sirius to do the same, trying to gain an ounce of trust back from Harry.
"She knows?" Harry asked, fear in his voice as his eyes once again made eye contact with Remus.
Remus gave Harry a reassuring smile. "She does. She found out when she did a diagnostic on you and had to tend to your wounds. I'm sorry it wasn't on your terms, Harry. I truly am. Please know that she is professional about it and won't talk about it to anyone, I swear it."
Harry felt his eyes well up with tears. This was horrible. He had a bloody Horcrux in his head, his parents lied to him, he was in the hospital wing, and his aunt knew about his biggest secret.
Harry pulled his legs up to him and wrapped his arms around them, burying his head in between his knees, silently crying as his breathing intensified.
"Harry?" Remus asked lightly, taking a step forward.
Harry's body just began to shake with sobs, his panic and overwhelming feelings taking over.
"Poppy, a calming draught," Remus calmly called out, sticking his neck out towards the matron, before taking the steps to Harry. "Take some breaths, Harry. You are safe."
Harry didn't feel safe. He didn't think he was safe. Nothing about this situation was safe for him.
Poppy came bustling with a vial and saw Harry's position. "There's no way I can get this down his throat," she muttered to herself before spelling it into Harry's stomach.
Harry's breathing calmed, but he didn't bother moving.
"Harry, dear, there's another calming draught I'd like you to take when you're ready. I wouldn't normally recommend two doses, but since the first one was spelled into your stomach you should be alright," Poppy said kindly, holding a second vial.
Harry stiffened at her voice. He wasn't ready to face her, not yet.
"Harry, love," Poppy said gently, "I need you to take this for me."
Harry moved his eyes up enough to see the vial for him to grab. He shut his eyes as he downed it, not wanting to look at anyone. He kept his eyes closed as he held the vial out, wanting someone to take it from him.
"Thank you. Nice job," Poppy said, still gentle and kind as she took the empty vial out of his hand. "I'm going to leave now to give you space, but I'm only a holler away," she explained. "I love you," she said as she walked away, trying to busy herself.
"Harry, are you alright?" Remus asked lightly, clearly worried for his cub.
"I'm fine," Harry spat, not looking up.
Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know we said we'd leave you alone, but I'm so worried about you, Cub. Can I please bring someone here to sit with you? I've got to have someone."
Harry felt his hands turn into fists. He relished the feeling of his nails digging into his palms.
Remus clearly saw this and must've gestured to Sirius because Harry felt two different hands on him, gently uncurling his hands.
"I'm going to reapply the charm," Remus explained, pulling out his wand.
Harry didn't want to comply at all, but Sirius held his hands still as Remus charmed them.
Deep down, Harry knew that Remus would almost never apply a charm without one's permission. However, Harry has given his consent before and this was to keep Harry safe. He knew there wasn't much of a choice.
"Can I bring someone to you? Anyone?" Remus asked, trying to keep the pleading out of his voice.
"Grandma Min?" Remus offered.
Harry shook his head. He was still upset with last night. Plus, he didn't know how much she knew or didn't know.
Remus knew better than to suggest Dumbledore right now.
"A Gryffindor friend, perhaps? Ron, Hermione?"
Harry shook his head. Too much explaining that he didn't have time for.
"Draco?" Remus offered.
Harry paused and shrugged. He didn't love the idea but it would get his parents away from him and that was enough.
"I'll see if he's available, then," Remus said. "I love you, Harry."
Harry didn't reply, too caught up in his pain and anger.
"I love you, Harry," Sirius tried.
Again, no response.
Both godparents bit back a sigh as they walked away, silently signaling to Poppy that they were leaving. A nod from the mediwitch confirmed that she'd keep an extra close eye on him.
"Remus, he's so broken," Sirius whispered as they walked the halls to the dungeons. Sirius was definitely fighting back tears.
"He'll be better soon. I know he'll forgive us in a few days, too."
"Are you sure? I don't remember the last time he was this angry," Sirius thought out loud.
"Sirius," Remus said, stopping his husband and moving both of them to stand against the wall. "I'm not going to deny that Harry is hurting right now. He is angry, hurt, scared, confused, and feels betrayed. His feelings are real and valid. I also know that we raised a pretty awesome son."
This caused Sirius to smile.
"When he calms down a bit we can explain our thinking and when we found everything out. He knows that intent matters to us and it matters to him as well. He will forgive us and that will help us allow him to heal more. Right now, though, we have to respect his wishes as much as we can."
"But Remus! He's so angry!"
"He is," Remus nodded. "But Sirius, do you remember punishing Harry when he flew his toy broom in the house? We took his toy broom away and didn't allow dessert for five days. Do you remember what happened?"
Sirius thought for a moment before a small smile appeared on his face. "He was so angry. He didn't look at us for a day. His accidental magic was going haywire. He even moved the bathwater like Moses that first night."
Remus chuckled. "He inherited Lily's temper and stubbornness. He also inherited the best of her heart and James' heart. He was also raised with the best of ours. Both Lily and James had an unbelievable power of forgiveness and we raised him both modeling and valuing forgiveness. He is going to be okay. He is going to forgive and show love to us again."
Sirius nodded and hastily wiped away a few tears. "I love you, Rem," Sirius said thickly as he enveloped his best friend in a fierce hug.
"I love you too, Siri," Remus replied, hugging tightly.
They stayed there for a moment until they heard some snickering and a muffled comment from a Slytherin who walked by.
"20 points from Slytherin and a detention with me next Tuesday, Lombardi!" Sirius called out over Remus' shoulder.
The Slytherin turned around and glared, half shocked Sirius heard and half annoyed at the outcome.
"Want to make it thirty?" Sirius offered as he broke away from the hug.
"Sirius," Remus hissed, trying to give the Slytherins a sympathetic look.
"I won't allow disrespect," Sirius said through the corner of his mouth, still glaring at the Slytherin.
"They're just upset that you're mine," Remus whispered back, barely audible. Sirius only heard it due to his canine hearing.
Sirius blushed and finally turned away from the angsty teen and looked at his husband.
"Is that so?" Sirius asked, almost growling. Sirius half pinned Remus against a wall and started to snog him, getting out some of his energy from this event.
"Black, Lupin, I will still give you detention if you don't break away from each other in the next 3 seconds," a voice drawled a moment later.
Sirius and Remus knew that voice. Remus made Sirius stop and they broke away as Remus brushed off his clothes.
"Sorry, Severus," Remus said, blushing lightly.
Sirius, on the other hand, was proud and had no regrets.
"Please leave that for your bedroom," Severus drawled again before starting to walk.
Sirius and Remus hurried to catch up with him and Remus spoke up. "Severus, we were wondering if we could borrow Draco."
Severus paused and slowly turned around. "Why?"
"Harry needs someone with him right now and Draco seems to be one of the only people he'll tolerate at the moment."
Severus was quiet for a long moment, thinking it over, before he said, "I want to check with Draco first and see how he is doing. If he is agreeable and is emotionally and mentally healthy enough for it then I will allow it."
"Of course," Remus agreed, not wanting any harm to come to Draco. "He needs to take care of himself first."
That seemed to please Severus. He gave a nod and said, "Please wait here. I will be back in a few minutes. Also, please do not snog each other while you wait. Slytherins are much more cultured than others."
Sirius bit back a retort, knowing that Severus was doing them a favor for Harry.
Severus swept away and Remus rubbed Sirius' shoulders. "I'm proud of you," he whispered in his ear.
"Ooh, he may be a friend but he manages to get on my nerves," Sirius growled.
Remus rubbed a bit harder and then kissed the base of Sirius' neck. "I'm proud of you," he repeated.
Sirius melted then and released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Thank you, love," Sirius murmured back.
Remus gave one last squeeze to Sirius' shoulders and then dropped his hands. It was perfect timing, too, because Snape returned with Draco.
"Draco has indicated that he would like to be with Harry," Severus began. "I did tell him, however, that he can not spend all day there and needs to take care of himself. If at any point it becomes too much for him, he must tell someone and return."
Draco, despite his proper upbringing, still blushed at his godfather's overprotectiveness. Unlike Harry, however, he didn't protest.
"We will make sure he takes care of himself and pass the message along to Poppy, Severus," Remus assured his colleague.
"See that you do," Severus nodded. He then turned to Draco and put his hands on the younger boy's shoulders. "Take care of yourself, alright?" Severus warned, but with a look in his eyes that is reserved for Draco.
"I will, Uncle Sev. Promise," Draco replied earnestly.
Severus looked into Draco's eyes for another moment longer before breaking away, standing up, and kissing the top of Draco's head.
"Come on, Nephew!" Sirius said enthusiastically, leading Draco away.
Draco smiled at the term of endearment and Severus rolled his eyes. Remus chuckled but stayed behind to talk with Severus (which the potions master was not particularly pleased about, to be honest).
"What is it, Lupin?" Severus asked wearily.
"I just wanted to ask about Draco and make sure he is alright."
Severus did grudgingly appreciate the concern for his godson so he indulged his former classmate. "He is. He asked to stay with me tonight, so I thought he was rather distraught. He is distraught about the situation, but he has told me that helping Harry and being with him will make him feel better."
Remus nodded, understanding. "He is not alone in that at all. I think we both feel much better when we don't feel like we can do anything to help."
Severus gave a nod, agreeing.
"Making potions, talking to people," Remus casually threw out. "Those are ways to help people. Draco and Harry grew up seeing that from the adults they loved and trusted and it's no wonder to see them becoming the same way as they mature."
Severus nodded again and said, "You really are decent at this, Lupin. Annoying, but decent."
Remus chuckled and put his head down briefly before looking at Severus. "It comes with the job, I'm afraid."
"You amuse yourself," Severus drawled as Remus chuckled again. However, there was no malice in his words, just friendly teasing. "Please go make sure my godson settled in okay, would you?"
"Of course. If you or Draco need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out, even if it's in the middle of the night, alright?" Remus asked earnestly.
Even Snape knew that the therapist was genuine. While he could refuse care for himself, he certainly wouldn't for Draco. "We will, thank you, Remus."
Remus smiled at Severus and then the potions master turned away and so did Remus.
Meanwhile, Sirius was leading Draco to the hospital wing.
"Are you doing okay with everything? This is a situation with a lot of big feelings and it's okay if it's difficult," Sirius said. However, before Draco could respond Sirius stopped with his face in horror, and said, "Oh, Merlin. I'm beginning to sound like Remus!"
Draco chuckled and pushed the professor along. "I'm good, Uncle Sirius, truly. It's a lot, yeah, but I like helping Harry. He's my friend."
"I know he's your friend, but let us know if it becomes too much, yeah? These types of situations become a lot for everyone involved. When I was your age and even now I have to take a step back sometimes. That's healthy," Sirius explained.
Draco nodded, taking in what Sirius had said before he had a thought and spoke up. "Wait, you said when you were my age?"
Sirius sighed and nodded. "Yeah. When I was your age I had a friend who self-harmed. I loved being there for that friend, but I also had to take care of myself. My friend needed me to take care of myself so I could keep helping them.
Draco nodded, taking it all in again. However, this time he remained quiet as he thought over everything. It wasn't long before they arrived at the hospital wing. Sirius pulled Draco aside before they went in.
"I don't know how Harry's going to respond to you. Professor Lupin and I told Harry that we would give him space right now, but, of course, Madame Pomfrey is keeping a close eye on him. We'll check on you in a bit, but please call for Madame Pomfrey for anything you can't handle or if something becomes too much, okay?"
Draco was surprised to see Sirius so, well, serious, but he knew how deeply Sirius and Remus cared for Harry.
"I will, Uncle Sirius."
"Good. And most importantly, take care of yourself, yeah?"
Draco grinned. "I will."
Sirius went to ruffle Draco's hair, but the blonde managed to duck out of the way. He stuck his tongue out at his uncle and then slipped into the hospital wing.
Draco made a mental note that Harry was still the only patient in the hospital wing as he made his way to Harry's bed. It was still surrounded by dividers, which Draco easily slipped behind.
"Hi, Harry," Draco said softly, slipping into his healer-in-training mode (if you could even call it that).
Harry looked up from staring at the sheets. "Hi, Draco," Harry replied quietly. He reached for his glass of water and took a sip.
"Sorry my dads sent you," Harry said, blushing a bit.
"Oh, they didn't make me come!" Draco insisted as he sat down near Harry's bed. "I wanted to come! I was waiting to ask Uncle Sev permission after talking to Dumbledore and then Uncle Sev offered. I'm supposed to be in the hospital wing right now anyway and I like my job. I also like spending time with my friends."
When Harry didn't say anything, Draco lightly nudged Harry and said, "That's you, you dunderhead Gryffindor."
Harry managed a ghost of a smile with the impression of Professor Snape. "Thanks."
"You really are my friend. I, uh, don't know what happened, but I'm glad you're okay. How are you feeling right now? Dizzy?"
Harry shook his head and Draco glared at him.
"Okay," Harry conceded. "Maybe a little. But the blood replenisher potions helped a ton."
"I'm sure they did, let me get you another," Draco said, standing up.
"No, I'm fine!" Harry quickly protested, putting his hand out.
"I know, that's why we're getting you another potion," Draco said pointedly.
Harry managed to look ashamed and Draco went off to clear it with Madame Pomfrey before grabbing it.
Harry was thankful for his friend, but he didn't want more blood. He wanted his blood out. He wanted to be rid of anything that was connected to the evil man. Harry went to claw at his arm, but it was bandaged, as was his head. Harry then went for his other forearm which was not bandaged. While the charm was newly applied to his fingers, Harry had enough emotion about it all to feel a spark, noting the presence of his accidental magic. Harry forcefully tried to scratch his left arm and after a surge of emotion, the charm broke. Harry raked his forearm hard, trying to get some relief from the pain he felt and to get the evil out. He went harder and harder, tears welling up in his eyes.
Meanwhile, Draco had gotten it cleared with Madame Pomfrey for another blood-replenishing potion and had talked her down enough and convinced her not to check on Harry until Draco was done. Draco had Harry talking and didn't want to change that. Draco got the potion and went back to Harry's bed, only to find him attacking his own arm.
"Harry, no!" Draco cried. He set down the potion and went over to Harry and pinned him down. "What's going on? Talk to me!" Draco pleaded.
Harry just looked away.
Draco bit back a sigh and thought for a moment. He slowly released Harry before looking at his scratches. "Let me heal these for you," Draco murmured, taking out his wand.
Harry felt a quick sting, which he actually enjoyed before he felt the scratches stop hurting, and then they disappeared.
"Harry, you don't have to tell me what's going on, but I do want to make sure you're safe. You're my friend and I care about you," Draco said.
"You really don't know what's happening? No one told you?" Harry asked after a moment.
Draco shook his head. "Nope. No one told me. Uncle Sirius and Professor Lupin really do try to keep your privacy."
Harry scoffed. "Not with Madame Pomfrey."
"Even then!" Draco insisted. Harry shot him a distrusting look and Draco further explained himself. "I mean it! Professor Lupin kept trying to talk Madame Pomfrey away from the topic of any other injuries because she was worried about your head. Professor Lupin had already healed your arm and wrapped it up so Madame Pomfrey wouldn't have had to worry about it or notice it. But she had me help her and then saw your arm and connected the dots. She asked about it and your godparents assured her that you were doing much better and that they're aware of it. They didn't bring it up to her and never even said the words! Really, they really tried to respect your privacy."
Harry felt a bit better at that but was still angry with his godparents. "And you have no idea what's going on?"
"No, none at all," Draco confirmed.
Harry sighed and looked away.
"You don't have to tell me, Harry. It's okay. I-" Draco began, but Harry cut him off.
Harry sharply turned to look at Draco and said, "Have you ever heard of a Horcrux?"
Draco, being raised the way he was, managed to hide any sort of shock at that question and the abrupt start to the conversation. "I have. I was raised a Malfoy, after all."
"I am one."
However, no amount of propriety, manners, and politics could've saved Draco from that one.
"I'm sorry. You're what?" Draco asked, genuinely confused.
Harry sighed. He debated if he even wanted to explain but that obnoxious voice in the back of his head, that sounded suspiciously like Remus, was telling him that it was going to be good to tell him.
Harry sighed again. Bloody voice.
"When Voldemort tried to kill me with the killing curse, the curse rebounded off me and onto Voldemort."
Draco nodded. He was following him this far. Most wizards knew that.
"But when that happened a part of his soul wanted to go into the next living thing. Me. He had made Horcruxes already. I am one of seven."
"SEVEN!" Draco cried loudly, not being able to help himself.
Madame Pomfrey shushed from her desk and Draco meekly apologized before returning back to his conversation.
"Seven?!"
Harry nodded numbly.
It was quiet for a long moment before Draco scooted all the way up to Harry's bed and forced Harry to look at his hand.
"One time, when I was really young, I got stuck by a quill. It went in really deep. My mother had taken some healing classes before she married my father and was able to examine the wound. I was alright and I healed fine, but that quill was so deep in my hand she didn't remove it. I still have it in here, see?"
Harry looked at his hand and indeed, Draco still had a piece of quill in there.
"I might have a piece of a quill in me, but that doesn't make me a quill and it certainly doesn't make me someone who loves to write essays. I'm still all me, just with something in me."
"A soul is not the same as a quill," Harry argued.
"True. But even as someone who used to despise you, I never saw evil in you. Trust me I grew up visiting my Aunt Bellatrix. She's crazy and evil. I know the Dark Lord is, too. You are not. An obnoxious Gryffindor? For sure. Evil? Ha, no are more than a Horcrux"
Harry thought about it for a minute before shrugging. He didn't know what to think.
Draco bit back a sigh. He knew it couldn't be that easy. "You don't have to believe me now. We can work on it, yeah?"
"Sure, Draco," Harry replied, but rather flat.
"Have your potion, please. Madame Pomfrey agreed. Drink up," Draco urged, handing Harry the potion.
Harry dutifully drank it and shuddered at the taste.
"Yeah, it's vile," Draco agreed as he took the empty vile.
Harry was quiet again as he stared out at the divider, his brain telling him all sorts of lies.
Draco watched him thoughtfully for a while before saying, "Harry, do you trust me?"
"Yeah, o' course," Harry agreed quickly.
"And do you trust Uncle Sev?"
"Yes," Harry agreed, although much slower this time.
"Can I tell him that you relapsed? I won't go into detail, I swear," Draco said, holding up his hands.
"He doesn't know either?!" Harry asked, shocked.
Draco shook his head. "Nope. I meant it when I said that your godparents really wanted to keep your secrets, secret. They didn't just go round up the staff and tell them."
Harry nodded, feeling a bit better. He then turned back to Draco and said, "I trust you. If you really think telling him is going to help, then alright."
Draco bit back an excited smile. He knew this was serious, but was thrilled that this abused teenager was willing to trust him. "You won't regret it. I'll be back in a jif, I swear," Draco assured him and quickly hurried off.
Harry wondered what Draco was going to say and do and tried to keep his hands from going back to his arm.
Madame Pomfrey had seen Draco rush out of the hospital wing and thought she heard a hurried, "Be back in a second!", but wasn't sure. She got up and went to Harry's bed, summoning her whole healer persona.
"Mr. Potter?" She said, firm, but with a gentle edge.
Harry looked up from his trance.
"I saw Mr. Malfoy leaving rather quickly. Is everything alright?"
Harry tried to give her a reassuring smile and a nod. "Yeah, he'll be back. He just got excited about something."
Poppy smiled. "It's nice to see him excited."
"Yeah, it is," Harry agreed.
"Can I get you anything?" The matron asked after a moment.
Harry was still fighting with his urges. "Uhm," his mind was racing, trying to think of a strategy. "Maybe a pillow?"
Madame Pomfrey quickly handed him one off of the bed next to him and Harry squeezed it gratefully.
"Are you in any pain?" She asked, a bit worried.
"Oh, no, ma'am. Just, uh, squeezing the pillow," Harry replied, blushing.
"Ah," Poppy said, nodding. She began to turn away before she spun around again. She fiercely walked up to Harry and looked him square in the eye. "I love you, Harry James Potter. I helped bring you into this world and I've known you since the day you were born. I have loved you for every second I've known you. Nothing in this world, nothing, could cause me to love you less. You are not the first and unfortunately won't be the last student who struggles with this. I am always here for you and you get me for anything you need, do you understand me?"
Harry was a bit taken aback by the fire in her tone but wasn't surprised. That was his Aunt Poppy.
"I love you, Aunt Poppy," Harry said in reply, wrapping his arms around her and feeling so much better with that off his chest.
"And I love you," she whispered hoarsely.
She pulled away with the noise she heard coming from the front of the wing. She quickly wiped her eyes and hurried out, not wanting anyone to see her.
Harry had turned his head and saw Draco and Snape, so he understood what she was doing.
"I'm back, Harry! You good?" Draco asked, hurrying back around the dividers to check on his friend.
"Yeah. Madame Pomfrey was just checking on me," Harry replied, smiling weakly.
It wasn't hard for Draco to see the pillow tightly grasped by Harry and to make the connection of what Harry was doing.
"Oh, alright. Anyway, I'm going to give you and Uncle Sev a few minutes. I'll be back."
Before Harry could say anything else, Draco disappeared around the dividers.
Harry was frozen for a second before awkwardly turning to Professor Snape who was taking a seat. Harry sat there in silence, not knowing what to say.
Severus, on the other hand, didn't feel awkward in the slightest. Draco quickly brought him up to speed and he knew that he understood Harry better than most in this situation.
"Er, hi, Professor," Harry muttered, blushing.
Severus waved his wand, setting a strong silencing charm around Harry's bed. "Hello, Harry," Snape replied with an unusually warm tone.
"So, er, I guess Draco told you about me?"
Severus nodded at the boy who was inspecting his sheets. "Yes. He told me what happened. Can you tell me what's upsetting you the most?"
"All of it!" Harry snapped back quickly.
Severus was taking a page from Lupin's book. He sat there calmly and Harry sighed. "I'm a Horcrux," he whispered before turning away and wiping a traitorous tear from his eye.
Snape nodded and gave the teenager a moment of silence as respect before saying, "Harry, I've shown you my mark before, haven't I?"
Harry nodded, remembering that one terrible morning when Mr. Weasley was attacked.
"I reminded you that you can't cut the evil out."
Harry nodded, his heart sinking with Severus' words.
"Lucky for you, there is no evil."
Harry looked at him confused.
Severus smirked. Harry fell right into his trap (he was a Slytherin, after all).
"Harry, for you to get that scar and the Horcrux to be placed there, did you do anything wrong?"
Harry didn't say anything, but a raised eyebrow from Snape caused Harry to grumble, "No".
"That's right. You have done nothing wrong, nothing evil. The Dark Lord is evil, but you are not. On the other hand, my dark mark is evil. I had to do terrible things to get this."
"But you're not evil, er, anymore," Harry protested weakly.
Severus gave him a small smile and nodded. "That's right. Not anymore. However, I can not undo my actions. This mark will be on my arm forever. It is evil. But I am not. You are not evil."
"But it's in me! It's a piece of his soul! It's not just a quill or ink. It is him!" Harry tried to explain.
Severus nodded. "You're right. But Harry, do you trust me when I say that I am rather familiar with the dark arts?"
Harry nodded.
"While it's true that we do not have modern research of a human being a Horcrux, you are living proof that the Horcrux does not control you. While I personally believe there might be some residue that can affect your actions, your past is proof of just how strong your do-gooder will is. Harry, you don't have an evil bone in your body. You can be a dunderhead and obnoxious, but not cruel, evil, or anything like him. I know the Dark Lord. And I know you. You, Harry Potter, are good. You're also a teenage boy. You will make mistakes. You will hurt people. You will be careless. We all have done that and probably will again. We are human. We're wizards, but humans. We will figure out a way to remove the Horcrux or destroy it. Until then, please rest knowing that you are not evil and that is not turning you evil. You are good. Your life is worth living and has value."
Severus paused for several moments, looking away. When he finally looked back he had tears in his eyes. He looked at Harry and said, "You are not evil. You are good. You are half your mother and let me tell you, nothing she created is evil." Severus blinked away tears and then leaned in and said, "And truthfully, same goes for your father, but I'll die before I ever admit that again."
A smile flashed on Harry's face before disappearing.
"Harry, this is a big deal, but also not. You have been a remarkable young wizard and will continue to be one that is good. This doesn't determine who you are. Your actions do that. And by Merlin, make better choices than I did. Nothing determines you except yourself. You're on the right path and this changes nothing."
Harry nodded, showing he had listened before looking away, trying to digest all of what the man said. Eventually, he looked back over and said, "Thank you. Thank you for being honest and not treating me like I was made of glass. Thank you for all that. I, uh, don't think I'm still going to do real well at this, but you helped a lot. Like, a lot," Harry stumbled. "I, uh, yeah. Thank you, Sir."
"You are welcome," Severus replied. While he was a master Occlumens, it didn't take one to see how truly thankful and overwhelmed Harry was.
"Do you, uh, Sir, uh, think that maybe I could talk to you again?" Harry asked hopefully. Before Severus could reply, Harry continued to talk. "It's okay if not! I understand! I don't want to be a bother or anything and-".
Severus cut Harry off. "You may certainly talk to me again. My door is always open for you."
"Thank you, Sir," Harry said, appreciation clear in his voice.
"Of course," Severus replied with one last smile before standing up. "I am off to check on the potion I put on stasis. Is it alright if I send Draco back in?"
"Yes, Sir," Harry agreed.
Severus nodded and left the area and took down the silencing charm.
Harry had a lot to think about.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)