Author's Note: TW for hopelessness. You are important, valued, and needed. Keep fighting. I care about you. I'm here for you. You are loved.
Can you believe I started this 5 months ago?! Wild! Thanks to Urgwaew for pointing this out! I appreciate you, love!
Previous chapter summary: Harry wakes up and has important conversations with Draco, Poppy, and Snape. He is reminded that he is not evil, he is good.
This chapter summary: Harry is released from the hospital wing. He has conversations with his godparents and his grandmother about everything that has happened.
Guest Reviews:
James Birdsong, thanks for your review!
Harry was released from the hospital wing the next day and taken back to the Marauder Quarters in silence. Harry knew that a 'talk' was going to happen next and he wasn't looking forward to it. Harry tried to go to his room when he entered, but Remus stopped him.
"Harry, can you come to the sitting room? I think we have some things to talk about."
Harry sighed and headed to the couch. His arm was still bandaged pretty heavily. He didn't have a bandage wrapped around his head, but he did have a large bandage covering his scar.
Remus sat in his usual armchair and Sirius sat on the other side of the couch.
"Harry, we want to talk about what happened."
"Moony Da, I don't want to talk about that," Harry said, anger still evident in his tone as he instinctively put his right hand over his left forearm.
"No, Harry. I don't mean your arm. I know that's private and something that I wouldn't bring up with Dadfoot here right now."
Harry felt a bit of relief knowing that his Moony Da was still a good therapist, at the very least.
"I want to talk to you about what Professor Dumbledore shared with you."
Harry's head shot up and his mouth opened, but Remus quickly continued before Harry could interrupt.
"I'm not going to have you talk about what he said and how you're feeling right now, either. I know that's something else we'll talk about later."
Harry nodded and looked down again, relieved he was able to put that off a bit longer.
"Harry, we want to explain why we put off telling you."
"I don't want to talk about that," Harry shot back.
"I understand that you're upset and angry. You have every right to be. Your feelings are valid and real and neither of us wants to dismiss them. You don't even have to say anything right now, but we would like to tell you some things right now if you are willing to listen," Remus said.
Harry thought for a moment. He was angry, but Draco had brought up some good points when he talked to him. Besides, Remus and Sirius always told Harry the truth. There had to be a good explanation for this, right?
Slowly and reluctantly, Harry nodded.
"Thank you," Remus said before looking at Sirius who silently gestured to him that he could start talking.
"So, Harry, first thing's first is that we truly did just find out about it a few months ago. We even told Professor Dumbledore that we don't keep secrets from you. The night he told us was the night that you told Neville about your self-harm. We didn't want to tell you about this because we knew it would cause any progress made to be lost. We wanted to build you up before this destroyed you. We needed to help you find reasons to live before we gave you another reason to harm yourself."
Harry, in his mind, had to admit that if he had found out about it at that point, he would have made a much more permanent, rash choice. He couldn't fault his parents for wanting to wait, but he didn't have to like it, either.
"Harry, we wanted to tell you. We also didn't want to tell you because we wanted to protect you. I even told Albus that we couldn't keep it from you any longer because you deserved to know. But Harry, please know that we wanted-" Sirius was talking but stopped. He became so choked up.
Remus looked at his husband and saw the angst and heartbreak on Sirius' face. Remus reached over and grabbed Sirius' hand. "It's okay, Love," Remus said softly, his thumb making small circles on Sirius' hand.
Sirius took some deep breaths and said, "We wanted the best for you. We really are sorry for hurting you. We only wanted to protect you. And I'm going to be honest with you; I don't know what we'd do if we had to do it again. Probably the same thing. This isn't something that could ever be taken well. There is never a good time, but we had to keep you as safe as we could."
Harry gave a small nod before looking back down.
Remus and Sirius could try and explain their reasonings and feelings forever, but Remus allowed there to be silence for a minute before he said, "What are you thinking, Harry? How are you feeling about all of this?"
Harry sighed. "I'm still angry. I don't like that you guys kept this from me. We've always been honest, you know?"
Remus and Sirius felt their hearts further break at that line.
"But I also kinda get it. Even I know that if I found out when you found out, it wouldn't have been good. I-I don't really want to say much more than that right now, but yeah. So as parents you probably did the right thing, but it doesn't mean that I'm not hurt. I just need time, okay?"
Remus and Sirius nodded. Remus was over the moon about how mature Harry was handling it, but he also knew how broken Harry must feel. When Harry's that broken it's a struggle of pushing everyone away and then trying to cling onto any support.
"Of course. Your feelings are real and valid. We are here to talk about that or anything else, day or night," Remus assured him.
"Thanks," Harry mumbled, still looking down.
Sirius bit back a sigh and squeezed Remus' hand. "Harry, we won't make you talk or listen anymore right now. We want to give you space and time for healing. You can head to your room for now. We'll let you know when it's time for supper and give you some choices then, alright?"
Harry nodded wordlessly and started to walk towards his bedroom. He froze, right as he was about to cross the threshold.
"Moony Da? Dadfoot?" Harry asked apprehensively. He was looking towards them, but not directly at them.
"Yes, Love?" Sirius asked.
"Does this change anything for either of you? Like, about me?" Harry asked. There was so much more he wanted to ask and say, but he really just wanted to be alone.
Remus immediately answered Harry's question. "No," he fiercely said. "Nothing changes. We love you just as much. We are just as proud. We know you are just as good. You are our everything, Harry. This has not changed how we view you as our son or as a human, or anything else. You are loved and capable and we see you as the wonderful person you are."
Harry nodded, rather relieved to hear that, not that he would admit it.
"Okay. Thanks," Harry said softly before entering his room and shutting his door. Harry lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. He understood what Remus and Sirius did, but he didn't like it. He felt himself instinctively try to scratch his left arm, but with the bandage, there was nothing he could do. Harry sighed and instead grabbed an extra pillow and held it close to him, wishing nothing more than to just escape this reality.
Meanwhile, Remus and Sirius were talking in hushed tones in the sitting room.
"What are you thinking, Moony?" Sirius asked, eager to hear how Remus read the situation.
"He's handling it really well. I am surprised he understands it so well. I, of course, am hurting that he's hurting. I know we did the right thing, but all I want to do right now is comfort him and make sure he's safe."
Sirius nodded. "What am I supposed to do in the meantime?" Sirius asked.
"Go for a walk. Use the punching bag. Write something down. Call your therapist. Practice dueling."
"Yeah, I think I'll do that last one. I'll be back in a bit, Moony. You going to be alright while I'm gone?" Sirius asked, standing up.
Remus gave his husband a reassuring smile. "I will be alright. You go; take care of yourself."
"I will, Love," Sirius replied with a warm smile before he bent down and kissed Remus. "I love you."
"I love you, too," Remus replied as Sirius left.
Remus took a few minutes to think to himself before he got up and knocked on Harry's door. "Hey, Harry? I just wanted to make sure you're doing okay. I'll stay out here, I just wanted to check-in."
"I'm okay," Harry's voice responded.
Remus felt his shoulders fall in relief hearing Harry's voice. He silently smelled the air and didn't get a whiff of blood, so he felt good.
"I'm out here if you need anything, okay?"
"'Kay."
Remus walked back over to his armchair where he sat down and then picked up his journal and a pen and journaled for a bit. After he filled up about three pages he stopped and fire-called a friend, who came immediately.
"How are you doing, Love?" Minerva McGonagall asked kindly as soon as she was in the Marauder Quarters.
Remus smiled at her and kissed her cheek. "Hi, Mum," he said warmly.
Minerva gave Remus a love touch and sat him down on the couch. "What's going on?" She asked softly.
Remus sighed and looked away. "He's angry. He has every right to be, but it's so hard. We're so worried about him."
Minerva nodded, but also didn't have the full story. "I'd love to help, but I think it would be beneficial for me to hear the whole story."
Remus didn't particularly want to go through it all, but he knew that it was good for his healing and Minerva needed to hear/ deserved to hear it all.
"Of course," Remus agreed. He took a deep breath and explained everything to her from the beginning. By the end of it, more than 5 minutes later, Minerva was shocked. She was horrified by what was going on with Harry and just wished the poor boy could have a break. She understood why Harry was upset at Remus and Sirius, but also knew that they did the right thing.
"Remus, you mustn't be too hard on yourself about this," she urged him. Remus sighed and opened his mouth to argue, but the formidable transfiguration professor held up her hand. "No. You and Sirius did the right thing and I would have done the same for you. I know that you don't keep secrets from Harry and I think that that is admirable and very healthy. I also know that he couldn't have heard that information at that time and even Harry himself admits it. You are doing a good job."
"I'm trying," Remus admitted.
"Remus Lupin, look at me," she said sternly, moving his face to hers.
Remus made eye contact with his pseudo-mother.
"Repeat after me. I am doing a good job."
Remus blushed and wanted to protest, but he does the same tactics with his students. If he's to dish it out, he must be able to do it as well. "I am doing a good job," Remus repeated.
"I am a good father."
Remus hesitated on this one but said it. "I am a good father."
"I am important."
"Minerva Mum," Remus protested.
"It was enough for you then and certainly enough for you now," Minerva reminded him sternly.
"I am important," Remus echoed, forcing himself to believe those words.
"I am strong."
"I am strong."
"I am brave."
"I am brave."
"I am loved."
"I am loved."
"Yes, you are, and don't you forget it," Minerva said, leaning into her pupil-turned-son.
Remus smiled at her. "Thank you."
"Of course. What else can I do for you? We can sit and chat? We can do something? I'd offer to clean but I think the House Elves already beat me to it."
Remus blushed and said, "Yeah, we have been a bit busy."
"Your priorities have been exactly how they should be," Minerva firmly reminded him.
Remus gave her a grateful smile and then said, "Is there any way you could go and check on Harry? I want to make sure he's doing alright and I'm sure he'll do better knowing that there was someone else left in the dark."
"Of course I can. While I do that, please take care of yourself. Make yourself a cup of tea and read a book, or take a rest or shower. Please do something for yourself," Minerva urged him.
"I will. Thanks, Mum," Remus said, rising from his spot and helping her up.
"Of course. I'm off to check on my Little Lion," Minerva said, turning away and heading to Harry's room.
Remus went into his bedroom for a bit of a rest, knowing that Minerva could handle whatever situation arose.
Minerva went to Harry's door and lightly knocked on it. "Harry? Harry, Dear, it's Grandma Min. May I come in?"
"Sure," came Harry's empty reply.
Minerva's forehead creased with concern, but she quickly smoothed it out and took a deep breath so she could be ready for Harry. She opened the door and shut it softly behind her.
Harry was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
"Hello, Lion," She said softly as she took a spot on the edge of Harry's bed.
Harry's eyes flickered over to her and he slowly sat up. "Hi, Grandma Min."
"I want to talk to you about some things."
Harry shrugged. "I guess."
Minerva knew that he wasn't trying to be disrespectful but he was so depressed and so empty. It broke her heart to see him like this. "Harry, I first want you to know that I love you and nothing will ever change how I feel about you."
There was a momentary spark in Harry's eyes when Minerva said that, but it was quickly extinguished. However, it gave Minerva hope for Harry.
"I also want to tell you that I knew nothing of what was going to be said to you. I don't know what the second half of the prophecy says nor did I know anything about the Horcruxes."
This got Harry's attention. "Wait, what?" Harry asked, shocked.
Minerva was glad to see some strong emotion in Harry. She nodded and grabbed his hand. "Yes. I didn't know about any of that. I have only just found out by the headmaster what you have been told and let me tell you, I gave him quite the talking to."
"Did you find out the second half of the prophecy?" Harry asked hopefully.
Minerva gave Harry a sad smile. "I did not; I'm sorry, Lion."
"It's okay," Harry said as his eyes went back to being blank.
"I wanted to tell you this," Minerva continued, taking a deep breath, "because I know you feel so alone right now. You are not alone. You feel as though all of the adults in your life have lied to you. They have not. While I agree with the actions of your parents and am by no means blaming them for anything, I want you to know that I am here for you."
Harry gave a small nod but didn't reply. Minerva allowed there to be silence for a couple of minutes before she shifted a bit further on the bed and ran her hands through Harry's hair.
"Harry, Love. My little lion," she said softly. "I am here for you. You are not alone. You are cared about. You matter. You are loved," she said, trying to look into Harry's eyes.
Something had finally hit Harry and his eyes welled up with tears.
"Come here, Lion," Minerva said, holding out her arms for her pupil/ grandson.
Harry launched himself into her arms and had quite a good cry on her shoulder. Minerva rubbed his back and spoke softly to him. After a while, Harry pulled away and wiped his face.
"Sorry," he mumbled, blushing and looking away.
"It is quite alright. There is no need to apologize," Minerva said, handing him a tissue from his nightstand.
Harry used it and tossed it out before wringing his hands and looking at his covers.
"What is it?" Minerva probed gently.
"G-grandma Min? D'ya think it'd be alright if I stayed with you for a day or two? I just have to sort some things out."
"Absolutely. I would love that. We can go right now."
"Really?" Harry asked, surprised. He wasn't expecting her to affirm it so quickly.
"Of course! I'm your grandmother! I love to spend time with you!"
"B-b-but what about my, uh, y'know?" Harry asked, his head nodding towards his bandaged arm.
Minerva's face softened and she gave Harry's hand a squeeze. "Harry, I know you. I know this is something you're working on. I also know that your Moony Da used to struggle with the same thing. He stayed with me on numerous occasions. I helped him stay safe and I also helped him when he relapsed. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to and if I couldn't handle it."
"And what about Moony Da and Dadfoot?" Harry asked.
"I will leave a note. If there's a problem, which I know there won't be, they can take it up with me. Alright?"
Harry nodded, feeling better now that she took care of some of his concerns.
"Good. Now, let's head to my quarters. I believe it's about tea time."
"I'm not very hungry, Grandma Min," Harry admitted as he got up to follow her to the fireplace.
"That's nice, dear," Minerva said as she set down a note for Remus and Sirius before grabbing a handful of floo powder.
Harry wrinkled his nose in confusion, not sure what to say to that reply. He flooed with his grandmother and as they stepped out and brushed themselves off, Harry said, "Uh, Grandma Min? I don't think you heard me right. I said I'm not hungry."
"Oh, I heard you just fine, Dear," Minerva said as she saw the tray waiting for her.
"Uh, I'm confused," Harry admitted.
Minerva looked up from the tray area and smiled at Harry as she led him over to the couch to sit down. "I heard you say you weren't hungry, but it is time to eat a snack. You haven't eaten much and your aunt Poppy is worried about your weight. I want you to have some."
Harry sighed, knowing she was right. "Yes, ma'am," Harry agreed as he grabbed a cup that Minerva poured tea into. "Thank you."
"You are most welcome. Now, do you want to talk or be quiet? Either is fine with me."
"Uh, could you tell me a story? Any story," Harry requested after thinking.
Minerva smiled and said, "Certainly." She thought before a wicked smile appeared on her face. "I don't believe I ever told you about when Professor Dumbledore was my Transfiguration Professor and I played a prank on him in my seventh year."
Harry sat up straight. "No way! Oh, please tell me it!"
With a chuckle, Minerva told her grandson about how she and her friends had played a prank on Albus Dumbledore because he had not given them the grade they wanted on a project. Random things were transfigured throughout the week for the professor and when his beard balm was transfigured into a stuffed elephant, he agreed to once again look over the project.
"And did you get the O?" Harry asked.
Minerva smiled at him. "Indeed we did. To this day, if Albus sees a stuffed elephant he knows that I am rather upset with him."
"And is there one in his office right now?" Harry asked knowingly.
"There may be one," Minerva answered slyly as she sipped her tea.
Harry giggled and said, "Grandma Min!"
"I don't know what you're talking about," she protested.
Harry laughed again and Minerva thought how beautiful it was to hear that sound. They talked for a few more minutes before Minerva was content with Harry drinking a cup of tea and having some cheese and crackers. "Why don't you rest before supper, hm? I'll be here when you're done."
"Okay, Grandma Min," Harry agreed, standing up.
"And leave your wand here, please. I don't need you trying to practice magic when you should be resting."
Harry knew that was only part of the reason, but he couldn't fault her. She had a point. "Okay, sure," Harry said reluctantly as he set down his wand.
"Thank you. I love you!" Minerva called out as Harry walked to his bedroom.
"I love you too, Grandma Min. Thanks," Harry replied before softly shutting the door and heading for the bed.
Minerva finished her tea slowly. When she was done she checked on Harry and found him fast asleep in his bed. She softly shut the door and set a silencing charm so Harry wouldn't hear what was going on outside his room (so he wouldn't be disturbed), but of course, Minerva could still hear inside of his room in case something happened.
Minerva started to clean up from tea and as she was finishing, there was a knock at her door.
Knowingly, Minerva walked over to her door and was met with Remus Lupin.
"Minerva, is he here? Is he okay?"
"Yes, Remus, calm yourself. He's resting right now," Minerva soothed him.
"Oh, thank Merlin," Remus said, sagging with relief.
"I left a note," Minerva pointed out with a raised eyebrow.
"I know, but I didn't know if he left or anything else," Remus said quickly.
Luckily, Minerva knew that Remus was just being an overprotective parent.
"Remus, he's perfectly content and resting. I believe I told you to rest and shower?" She asked with another raised eyebrow.
"I did rest! And I was going to, I just got worried," Remus admitted.
"Come in, Remus. I want to talk to you about something," Minerva said, shutting the door behind the werewolf.
Remus did as she said and sat down on the couch.
"Harry's going to stay here a few days," Minerva began. "It'll give him time to heal and have some space while also being supervised."
Remus sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I mean, that makes sense. Do you think you can handle it? Harry is rather unpredictable right now."
"I did it for you, didn't I?" Minerva pointed out.
"Yes, of course," Remus said quickly, "I just know that it's a big responsibility."
"It is. And I am more than capable of handling it. It also gives you and Sirius some time to recover as well. This has been traumatic for you both as well."
"And what about you?" Remus asked.
"Always the therapist," Minerva chuckled. "I am alright. I processed some yesterday and I will do more in a few days. Thank you for your concern and I can assure you that I am alright."
"If you say so," Remus said, kissing her temple.
"I do. Now, there's one more thing I want to talk to you about," Minerva said.
Remus nodded, encouraging her to continue.
"I am going to talk to Harry about what you and Sirius did. Now, I believe you both did the right thing and I honestly would have done the same, but I think Harry needs to talk it out with someone he trusts and a strange mind healer isn't going to work for him, you know that."
Remus sighed and looked away. "Yeah, he's rejected them every time we've tried. I know it's a good idea but I just hate the fact that we hurt him so."
"I know, my dear, but I promise he will be okay. He even says he understood, correct?"
Remus nodded.
"See! He needs time. I still don't think he's forgiven me for the 100 point deduction first year," Minerva chuckled. "I will handle it. I want you and Sirius to take time for yourselves. Why don't you go away for a night? Get some space."
"I don't know. With Harry like this I'm not sure," Remus hesitated, looking towards Harry's door.
"Remus, you will only be a floo call away. I promise Harry will be under adult supervision or in his room at all times. He will not harm himself."
Remus bit his lip, still hesitating.
"Remus, he will be okay. I promise. You are only a floo call away. It's just overnight to relax. You won't do it here, I know you won't."
Remus finally sighed and gave a small nod. "Alright. I'll talk to Sirius about it and bring him here and you can convince him. If he says yes then we'll go."
"I can work with that," Minerva said, smiling. She had been convincing these boys of things for years.
"Okay. I'll go and check on him," Remus said, standing up. "Thank you, mum."
"I love you all. Now go, get your husband," she said, shooing him away.
Remus gave her a crooked smile and left, leaving Minerva to shake her head at him.
Minerva pulled out some essays to grade and 15 minutes later, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin came through her door once again.
"I don't know, Minnie," Sirius said as he came through.
"Well, hello to you too," Minerva said, her hands on her hips.
"I'm sorry, I'm just worried," Sirius admitted.
"I'm trying to have you do this so you both can take a rest. Now, do you think you will be able to rest here?"
Remus and Sirius looked at each other, both knowing the answer.
"I didn't think so. Now, you both know that I am more than competent to watch my grandchild, yes?"
"Of course!"
"Absolutely!"
"And you will only be a floo call away, just like the castle."
Sirius sighed and finally relented. "Alright. We shall go pack. We'll be at Willowfield since there is a floo connected, alright?"
"Sounds good. Harry is sleeping right now, but come before you leave to say goodbye."
"We will," Remus agreed as he and Sirius left.
About half an hour later, Remus and Sirius returned and Minerva was just coming out of Harry's bedroom.
"He just woke up," she informed them.
"Nightmare?" Remus asked knowingly.
"Yes, but I talked to him and he's okay now," she assured him.
Remus ran a hand through his hair and nodded. "Come on Padfoot, let's check on him."
Remus and Sirius set down their bags and went to Harry's door. Remus knocked lightly and paused for a moment before going in.
"Hi, Harry," Remus said kindly, Sirius right behind him.
"Hi," Harry replied, barely glancing at them.
"Love, we know you're angry," Sirius began.
"Grandma Min says that you're going to stay with her for a night or two."
Harry nodded.
"She thought it would be best if we went away for the night so you could have some space. What do you think?"
Truthfully, a small flash of panic went through Harry at the thought of his parents not being there, but before he could spiral, Remus quickly said, "We are only a floo call away and we will certainly stay if it will make you feel better. Minerva just wanted you to have some space to heal without us bothering you."
Harry thought for a moment before nodding. It would be nice to have some space and they were only a floo call away. "Okay. You'll be back tomorrow?"
Remus and Sirius nodded. "We will."
"Okay. I love you. Have fun," Harry said.
"We love you so much, Prongsley," Sirius said.
Harry did let a small smile slip out with that nickname. Ha, Prongsley. He hadn't heard that one in years. He quickly, however, buried it back and moved his eyes to look at the comforter.
"Love you, Kiddo," Remus said.
Both men kissed Harry on the head before quietly exiting the room.
"Get us if you need anything at all," Sirius said once he had shut the door.
"I will. I want both of you to relax and take care of yourselves," Minerva urged them.
"We will. Thank you, Minerva Mum," Remus said with a warm smile.
"It's my pleasure. Now go before I have to push you," Minerva said, shooing them to the fireplace.
Remus and Sirius flooed out and Minerva finally let a breath out once they left. She made sure her floo alarm was on in case they needed to contact her. She then went back to the essay she was grading to give Harry a bit of time. As soon as she finished that one she went in to check on him.
"Hello, Lion," she said after knocking and being allowed in.
"Hi, Grandma," Harry replied. He was still sitting in bed, twiddling his hands.
"It's about supper time. Do you want to eat in the Great Hall or here?"
"Here, if it's not a bother," Harry requested.
Minerva expected that but wanted to give him his choice. "Of course. Let me order some from the kitchens. You go wash up, alright?"
Harry nodded and Minerva patted his good arm before getting up and asking a house elf to bring dinner as well as sending word to Albus that she and Harry would be eating privately tonight.
Minerva made sure she and Harry ate at the table and that Harry had enough to eat. She brought him to the couch after dinner. They played checkers (chess was too much brain power at the moment), which Minerva won before she finally decided to talk to Harry.
"How are you feeling right now, Harry?"
Harry shrugged, "I mean not great, but better than before."
Minerva nodded. "I will accept that. Now, I want to talk to you a bit about your parents."
"Grandma Min, do we have to?" Harry asked.
"We don't have to right now, but we do need to."
Harry sighed and turned away before saying, "Okay. We can. I know you've already waited. I guess now's a time as good as any."
"Now, tell me exactly how you feel about your parents not telling you about the Horcrux. Don't hold back. I am here."
"Are you sure?" Harry asked, half raising an eyebrow.
"Let it all out," Minerva affirmed. Truthfully, she'd like to see Harry express some emotion. She didn't care if it was positive or negative, she just wanted to see some expression.
Harry nodded and turned away. He fixed his eyes on a book on a bookshelf across from him and began speaking. "I-I'm angry."
"Tell me about it," Minerva urged him after he was silent for several moments.
"I-I'm angry. I'm angry," Harry repeated, getting a bit louder.
"You have every right to be."
"Yeah! We don't keep secrets! It's always been a family rule! It was one of the first ones we had!" Harry cried, now turning to look at his grandmother. "We don't keep secrets! Surprises are okay, but not secrets! If it's dangerous, destructive, or disturbing we tell each other! This is all of them! They broke the rule, Grandma Min! They broke it!" Harry cried loudly, tears starting to come down his face.
Minerva wanted nothing more than to take Harry into her arms and hold him, but she knew that he had to get it all out.
"They did. They did what they thought was best. What do you think?"
"I think they broke the rule!" Harry said loudly. It was quiet for a moment and Harry let out a breath of hot air. "I mean, I guess I kinda understand. When they found out I probably would've really hurt myself. Like, really hurt myself."
Minerva hummed, showing she was listening.
"I know they were trying to protect me. I just wish they didn't break the rule to do it."
Minerva allowed Harry to gather his thoughts a bit before she spoke. "You're right. They did withhold information from you that was not only relevant to you, but about you. And you're right, it was about the three D's."
"But…" Harry prompted.
"I want to affirm you. You are right."
"But what though, Grandma Min?"
"Do you want me to talk it through?"
"Yes please,"
"Alright then. I know you're angry, and you have a right to be. You also have said that you, at least sort of, understand why your parents withheld the information from you, correct?"
Harry nodded.
"Now. Do you think you'll forgive them?"
"Of course!" Harry said.
"I thought so. Now, I want you to think about the anger you have with them."
"That's easy," Harry muttered, but with a pointed look from Minerva, he shut his eyes and thought about it. "Okay, yeah, thinking about it."
"Now, do you think all of this anger is coming from them?"
Harry opened his eyes and sighed, not having this patience right now. "Grandma Min, what are you saying?"
Minerva bit back a smile at Harry's impatience. "I'm saying that maybe not all of your anger is coming from that. You can blame Sirius and Remus. They are a way to channel your anger. However, I think you may have anger about other things that are just channeled into them. I'm not saying they don't deserve some anger and I'm certainly not telling you how you feel or should feel, it's just a thought."
Harry opened his mouth to fight back but forced himself to shut it and think about what his grandmother was saying. "I guess you have a point."
"What else are you angry about?"
"What else?!" Harry asked incredulously.
"Go on, tell me," Minerva said.
"Besides the crazy events that have happened to me my whole bloody life I'm angry that I'm a Horcrux! I'm angry I didn't find out until now! I'm angry Granddad kept it from me! I'm angry adults are finding things out about me! I'm angry I don't have any control! I'm angry I can't have a normal life! I'm angry!" Harry cried.
While he was, very clearly, angry, he had kept his magic under control until the end when the evening tea started to rattle. While Minerva didn't care if things broke, she knew that Harry wasn't in a safe enough location to let his anger out. She promised to keep him safe.
Minerva reached out and started to slowly rub Harry's back. "Shh, you're alright. You are not alone. I've got you, Love," she said softly.
"I can't even control my own bloody magic," Harry sniffed, tears falling down his face.
"It takes time and you're under a lot of stress right now," Minerva said soothingly, still rubbing his back.
"I should be old enough to do it!" Harry protested. "I was able to for years until this year started!"
Minerva nodded. "You were, but I daresay some rather dramatic things have happened this year. Also, your magic is growing and that causes you to be more susceptible to outbursts."
"When was the last time you lost control?" Harry pouted.
Minerva responded quickly and said, "A day ago."
This got Harry's attention. "What?" He asked as he looked up.
Minerva smiled wryly at him. "I had a few, ehm, strong words for your grandfather."
Harry smiled at her before becoming thoughtful again and said, "So it doesn't mean I'm a bad wizard?"
"Oh, Harry, no! Not at all! It shows that you have lots of raw magical abilities and emotions. Neither of those is bad. Yes, at Hogwarts we teach you how to control it, but you, my dear, have a few more important things on your mind than your Transfiguration essays."
Harry ducked his head and looked away and said, "I wish I didn't. And I do my best, you know!" Harry insisted, turning to look at her.
"Oh yes, I know! And I think you still do a good job. I wouldn't give you a grade you didn't deserve."
"Don't I know it," Harry scoffed.
Minerva shook her head at him and ruffled his hair. "Now," she started, "you have every right to be angry. I know I'd be angry if I were you. I can't and will never tell you how to feel. I will tell you, however, that being a Horcrux,"
Harry flinched at the word, but Minerva continued.
"Does not change how we feel about you and it does not change you!"
"But how am I supposed to live knowing I have evil inside of me?" Harry asked, his eyes begging for some answer.
Minerva felt her heart skip a beat at Harry's question, but kept her composure. "You have lived with it for this long. We are all trying to figure out how to rid you of it. In the meantime, you keep working hard. Keep doing things that make you happy. It may be a part of you, Harry, but it is not all of you. You don't have a choice about if you live with it, but you have a choice about how you live with it."
"I'm not ready for that," Harry spat.
"No one expects you to be. You don't have to have it all figured out, no one does. Feel your feelings and take time to recover from this. When you do, choose to live in spite of the Horcrux."
Harry shrugged and Minerva gently moved his face to face hers. "You have a wonderful mind and soul, Harry James Potter. You have done and will continue to do wonderful things with your life. Don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise."
Harry nodded and Minerva hugged him tightly. "I love you, Lion."
"I love you too, Grandma Min."
She pulled away and looked at him sternly. "Promise me you'll keep fighting?"
"I promise," Harry truthfully replied.
"Good." Minerva kissed his head and then saw his yawn. "Time for bed. Let's go," she said, ushering him up.
"Uh, I don't know, Grandma Min," Harry stalled. As tired as he was, his unconscious was not his favorite place to be at the moment.
"I have a Dreamless Sleep from Poppy for you. Healer's orders."
Harry relaxed at that. At least he'd get some rest that was uninterrupted. "Okay."
Minerva got Harry ready for bed. As much as Harry felt like a little kid, a part of him enjoyed having such warm maternal energy care about him.
"Sweet dream, Lion," Minerva said softly when Harry was under the covers.
"Night, Grandma Min. I love you," Harry said, giving her a small smile.
Minerva smiled and said, "and I love you." She kissed his head and slowly left the room and shut off the lights. With one last look towards the half asleep Harry, she shut the door and left his room.
The next day, Minerva let Harry sleep as long as he could. When he woke up, they had brunch and Minerva sat him down again.
"Harry, your godparents are returning back to Hogwarts today."
Harry just sipped his tea.
"Do you think you want to talk to them today?"
Harry sighed and looked out the window before finally turning back to his grandmother. "I guess so. I mean, I'm still kinda angry, but you're right. I'm angrier at the situation than anything else. The sleep I got helped a ton, too."
"I'm glad to hear that and so will your aunt Poppy. She was rather firm in her instructions for your rest."
Harry allowed a smile on his face. "Yeah. She usually is."
Minerva allowed herself to be filled with Harry's smile before she spoke again. "Now, when you talk to your parents do you want me here or somewhere else? I won't be upset either way."
"Could you stay? If it's not too much trouble?" Harry asked quietly, but hopefully.
"Of course. They'll be back in an hour or two. Would you like to be distracted until then?"
Harry nodded. "Please."
"Alright. What about your animagus? How's that coming along?" Minerva asked with a twinkle in her eye. She was hoping Harry would be excited about this.
Per usual, Minerva McGonagall was right in her assessment. Harry sat up straighter and he began to quickly speak. "Really well I think, Grandma Min! D'ya wanna see?" Harry asked as he squinted his eyes shut.
"Wait, Harry," Minerva chuckled, putting her hands on the teenager.
"What?" Harry asked, opening his eyes, confused.
"While I love seeing you work on your transformation, you might be a tad bit preoccupied or emotional to do it right now. Do you remember the risks of trying it when one is like that?"
Harry blushed and said, "One might not be able to transform or will transform and then be stuck either in the form or partial transformation."
"Exactly. And while I find the idea of a half stag half-human Harry rather amusing, I would rather you stay safe."
"Yeah," Harry said, continuing to blush, "I suppose you're right."
"I did have something in mind, however?"
"Yeah, what?" Harry asked, interested.
"I wanted to ask what you liked about stags."
"So many things! They're bloody brilliant!" Harry exclaimed.
"Language, Mr. Potter," Minerva warned.
"Er, sorry," Harry replied, sucking his head.
"I want you to write two feet on all the wonderful things about stags with at least a foot being on their character traits."
"Didn't I already do something like that?" Harry half asked, half complained.
"You did write several essays on stags and their characteristics, yes, but I want this to be about all of the traits and such that you personally like, with an emphasis on the personality. Can you do that?"
Harry shrugged. "Okay. Right now?"
Minerva nodded. "Yes. On the bookshelf in your room, you'll find a variety of stag books if you need them. There is also parchment, a quill, and ink on your desk if you need it."
"Okay. Thanks, Grandma Min," Harry said as he got up.
Minerva smiled to herself as Harry walked away. She may be a Gryffindor but there were some Slytherin tactics in her after all.
Harry was still working on his paper when Sirius and Remus showed up.
"Hello, boys. How was your time alone?" Minerva asked softly, but warmly when she greeted them at the door.
"It was much needed, thank you," Remus said, giving her a hug.
"Did you both have time to process and rest?" She asked, giving a pointed look towards Remus.
"Yes, Mum. I rested," Remus chuckled.
Minerva now gave Sirius a look. "I processed and rested, too. We both took care of each other. I promise Remus and myself are doing much better."
Minerva gave a satisfied nod and then smiled at them. "Good. You deserved it. Harry's writing right now, just some transfiguration homework," she added in response to their confused looks. "I'll go get him."
Minerva walked over to Harry's door and knocked on it softly as Remus and Sirius sat down.
"Come in," Harry called from inside of it.
Minerva went in and shut the door behind her.
"I'm doing well, Grandma Min. I am close to the requirements for length, but I have a bit more I want to do!" Harry said.
Minerva smiled at his enthusiasm and walked over to look over his shoulder. "I am sure it is wonderful, Harry. I am going to have to ask you to take a break on it right now."
"Yes ma'am, but why?"
"Your godparents are here."
"Oh," Harry said, his face dropping.
"Are you ready to talk to them? No one wants to make you do anything you're not ready for."
"Yeah, I'm ready," Harry replied, determined.
"Good." Minerva waved her wand and Harry's paper and materials vanished. "Those are put away for safe keeping. I told your parents you were working on Transfiguration homework."
Harry nodded, understanding. "Oh, that makes sense. Thanks, Grandma Min."
"Certainly. Let's go, Lion," she said with a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
Harry walked out and saw his uncles on the couch. "Hi, Moony Da. Hi, Dadfoot."
They both perked up when they saw their son, which harry noticed. Even now when he was mad at them, it always made him happy to see people who were genuinely happier in his presence.
"Pup! Hello!" Sirius said, smiling.
"Hi, Harry. How are you?" Remus asked, giving him a smile.
"I'm okay. Grandma Min has been great."
"Flattery will not get you a better grade, young man," Minerva teased him, sitting down next to him on the other couch.
Harry chuckled and blushed before turning back to his parents.
"We had time to rest and recharge ourselves and we're glad you had a nice time with your grandmum," Remus said.
Harry gave a small smile and nodded.
Minerva cleared her throat and said, "I believe we need to talk about what happened the other day."
Harry shifted nervously in his seat and Minerva put a calming hand on his arm.
"Yes, we do," Remus affirmed.
"Pup, how're you doing with it all?" Sirius asked gently, starting the conversation.
Harry sighed. "Better. Grandma Min helped me realize that I'm mostly angry about the situation, not at you guys."
Remus' eyebrows shot up.
"I am quite capable, Mr. Lupin," Minerva responded.
"I know that, but that's still a really insightful comment. Are you sure, Harry?" Remus asked.
Harry nodded. "Yeah. I mean I'm upset you kept it from me, but I prolly would've done the same if it were my kid. I don't like things kept from me."
"We don't like keeping things from you, either," Sirius told him.
It was quiet until Minerva softly said, "Harry, why don't you tell them what you told me, about the rules?"
Harry blushed, but nodded and said, "When I was talking to Grandma Min, she wanted me to talk about my feelings. When I was talking I guess I sorta got pretty angry," Harry blushed and paused, running a hand through his hair.
"You are allowed to be angry, Harry," Remus reminded him gently.
"Yeah, well, I got angry and I said that you had broken rules."
"What rules, Love?" Sirius asked softly.
Harry blushed furiously. "Ya know, the one you had when I was little."
Remus and Sirius still didn't know and looked at Harry patiently.
Harry huffed and said, "D'ya remember? When I was little you said that we don't keep secrets. We tell each other if something is dangerous, destructive-"
"Or disturbing," Remus finished for him.
"Yeah," Harry affirmed, a bit embarrassed.
"Cub, I promise you, we didn't want to keep this secret. It is dangerous, destructive, and disturbing, you are right. We kept it because we felt like if we were to tell you then, your actions would cause us to lose you. We didn't want that."
Harry bit his tongue and turned away.
"What is it?" Remus asked gently, knowing this look on Harry's face.
Harry just shook his head, tears in his eyes.
Remus got up and slowly approached Harry. "Harry, what is it?"
"I can't do it here, Moony Da," Harry whispered, his voice low.
Remus, not even hesitating, waved his wand and put up a silencing charm. "No one else can hear us. What is it?"
Harry leaned forward and whispered in Remus' ear. Harry was so upset and so quiet that Remus was only able to hear him because of his werewolf hearing.
At Harry's whisper, his heart broke. "Oh, Harry. Oh, Cub," Remus said, enveloping Harry in a hug. "You are so incredibly loved. We are so glad you are here. We need you here."
Harry just muffled a sob into Remus' shoulder. Remus held Harry close and whispered in his ear. When it became clear that neither of them was going to move anytime soon, Minerva moved Sirius out of the room and into the kitchen.
"Why did he put up a silencing charm?" Sirius asked a bit hurt.
"Sirius, it wasn't about you," Minerva urged him.
"Then what was it about?"
"Sirius, the fact that you kept it from it stung him, but Remus is his therapist as well. He has to be able to trust Remus as his therapist."
"Oh," Sirius said, his face showing he understood now.
"Are you okay with it?" Minerva asked, wanting to make sure Sirius was alright.
"I was upset, but it makes sense. I tell things to my therapist I don't want anyone else to know so it makes sense that Harry does that as well."
"Exactly!" Minerva exclaimed as she sat down on a chair. "Merlin, you are much more rational now than you were twenty years ago."
"Who would've thought. Also, twenty years ago? Really, Min?"
She just chuckled at him and waved her wand, giving them both cups of tea. Sirius and Minerva talked both seriously and casually while they drank their tea. Both poked their head out of the kitchen door when they were done, nearly an hour later, and Harry was asleep on Remus.
"Floo?" Minerva whispered.
"That would be lovely," Remus whispered back. Remus slowly got up, holding Harry, and flooed back to the Marauder Quarters.
"We'll talk to you soon. Thanks for everything, Mum," Sirius said before he grabbed a handful of floo powder.
"Of course. Take care of yourselves. I'll be here if you need anything."
Sirius gave a small peck on Minerva's cheek before flooring away.
When something is broken, it allows for the most light to get in. Sirius could only hope that this was the case.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)