Author's Note: TW for disassociation, trauma. Ugh, I am so sorry my loves. I am not a fan of this chapter I wrote. I promise they'll be more stuff soon. I'm trying to wrap this school year up and not leave any loose ends before Harry's summer starts. If there's anything you think needs to be wrapped up before the summer, feel free to let me know! I love my comments so much! You are loved!
Guest Reviews:
Urgwaew: I am so glad you liked the last chapter! Marlene is absolutely amazing and I wanted her to have a deep backstory (which we will slowly learn about). Of course, Remus was going to be worried! He is the best! Dorcas WILL be included, for sure! And okay YES! I am so glad you caught all my funny lines in the last chapter! It makes me so happy when people pick up on them! Thank you so much for your kind words! They always mean so much to me! You are amazing and thanks for writing great reviews and sticking around, especially when my writing isn't the best. You rock! You are so loved!
rebecca08: Hi, friend! It's so cool to see a new name! Thanks so much for reading! I don't know when you'll see this response, but I just wanted to thank you for reading and commenting! I am honored you've been reading my story over the last few days and I'd love to hear what you think! You are loved!
Previous chapter summary: Marlene finds out a big secret of Harry's and reveals a secret of hers. Harry battles nightmares. Harry is continued to be supported by Marlene, Sirius, and Remus. Severus and Draco stop by to see Harry and Harry explains some things to Marlene.
This chapter summary: Marlene goes back to her job. Remus brings Harry and Draco in for a therapy session to go over what happened when they were taken. Draco finds out that Harry contributed potions to his detention count. Harry finds out some bad news.
True to Severus' word, the pain did go away within a week (and unfortunately, so did Auntie Marlene, who had to get back to her job). Harry was still given potions by his aunt Poppy and by Snape, but he was doing better physically. He had some shaking, but it was much better. He had a quick quill take notes for him and was allowed to rest if he needed it. He was also given extra time to get to classes and Poppy made sure he stopped by the infirmary at least twice a week (but Harry swears it's just because she wanted to see him).
Remus was of course worried about his physical health, but his mental health, too. Harry's therapy was once again amped up to twice a week, and that didn't include the mini sessions Harry had with Remus each night before he went to bed.
Although Marlene was gone, she wrote letters to Harry and tried to keep his spirits up with rants about the people she worked with and funny stories about The Marauders' past.
It was the Thursday of the week Harry went back to classes and he was sitting in Remus' office.
"How's this week been feeling for you?" Remus asked once he had sat down after shutting the door.
"You ask me this every night," Harry pointed out.
"Just humor me," Remus smiled.
Harry sighed and shook his head, but did it with a small smile. "It's going alright. My professors have been understanding and the rumors have died down since it first happened, so that's nice. I'm tired, but doing okay. Yes, I know I can rest when I need to," Harry said, anticipating Remus' next question.
Remus smiled and said, "I'm glad you know that. Your recovery is important."
"I know, Moony Da," Harry said, giving him a knowing smile.
Remus returned the smile and crossed his legs. "Harry, I know it's been two weeks since you were taken."
Harry's smile faded and he hugged the pillow he was holding closer to him.
Remus gave Harry a sympathetic smile and continued to talk. "I know you gave us the basics of what happened. I don't want to push you before you're ready, but I also know that talking through it would be helpful for you."
Harry knew that Remus was right, but he was worried. He didn't want to go through it. All of that nervous energy lashed out as anger. "I don't want to talk about it! You just want to know for Order stuff!" Harry huffed.
Remus walked over to Harry and rubbed his back. He was quiet for a moment until Harry's breathing returned to normal. "Cub, listen to me. I don't care if you want to tell anyone in the order what happened. I don't care if anyone else finds out. I want you to work through this for your sake and no one else. I care about you and your recovery."
"It's a lot, Moony Da," Harry said after a moment of silence.
"That's okay. I am here for you, no matter what."
Harry leaned into Remus and found comfort in his father. He stayed there before asking, "Can Draco be here, too? So much of it comes from him. I really want to tell it once right now. I don't feel like going over it again and again."
Remus nodded. "Of course. I can get him now if you'd like."
Harry hesitated but nodded.
"I'm just going to send a letter to Professor Snape and then we will wait," Remus explained as he got up and walked to his desk to scribble a note before tapping it with his wand and sending it off.
"Can you show this memory to Snape and Dadfoot? So they'll know?" Harry asked.
"Certainly," Remus replied.
Harry nodded and fiddled with his fingers.
Remus reached over and held Harry's hand. "I don't want to pressure you, Harry. Are you ready to do this?"
Harry nodded. "I don't want to, but yeah. I know talking about it will help my nightmares and everything. It's just not easy."
"You're right, it's not easy. And I do believe that it will help your nightmares. You are so brave, Harry. So brave."
"Promise you'll stay with me?" Harry asked.
Of course, Remus wouldn't leave, it was Harry's therapy session, after all, but he knew Harry needed that reassurance and he was happy to give it.
"Of course. I won't leave you. I've got you, Cub," Remus promised, hugging Harry.
Harry stayed close to Remus and breathed with him until there was a knock on the door about 7 minutes later.
"That's Draco. Can I get the door?" Remus asked.
"Yeah," Harry said, sitting up.
Remus got the door and a nervous Draco walked through it. "Hi, Professor. Hi, Harry."
"Hi, Draco," Remus said, smiling warmly. "Come sit down."
Draco sat down next to Harry. "No one told me why I was here," Draco said, sitting down.
"Oh! You're not in trouble or anything like that, Draco. We just wanted to talk a bit about what happened two weeks ago, if you're okay with that."
Draco's face relaxed and he nodded. He had talked to Severus about it and even Remus about it, too. He knew that this conversation would be similar, but gaps would be filled in.
"Oh, alright. I can do that."
Harry held a pillow in front of him once again and squeezed it tightly.
"If either of you needs to stop at any point, please do that. This isn't an interrogation or anything like that. It's a way for us to talk about what happened and work through it. This is on your terms and you both are in control," Remus explained.
Harry and Draco both took a deep breath and nodded.
"Whenever you're ready," Remus said with a gentle smile.
Draco and Harry looked at each other and Draco spoke first. "I guess I'll start."
Remus nodded, giving him an encouraging smile.
"I got a letter from my dad that day. I was upset about it and Harry saw that. He ran after me and I told him what it said. My father wanted me to lure Harry to Hogsmeade and said everything would be forgiven. I was really upset about that so Harry took me to this spot where he said that my thoughts would slow down."
"The bridge," Harry said softly, causing Remus to smile.
"Good spot. Please, Continue," Remus said, smiling.
"When we were there, someone knocked us out. I later found out it was Peter. He somehow knew about that spot. He'd been watching the grounds for a few weeks as an animagus."
Remus felt his blood boil but knew he had to calm down for the sake of Draco and Harry.
"I must've woken up sooner than Harry. I knew I had a split second to make a decision and I decided to play the part of a perfect Malfoy. I knew that was the best chance of getting us both out of there alive."
"You did well, Draco," Remus said. He could tell Draco was still wrestling with his decision. "You were able to protect yourself, which is so important. It also made it easier for Harry to get out. You did everything right. You did well."
Draco took a shaky breath, needing to hear that. He took a sip of the water Remus placed on the table for them and continued to speak.
"They thought I was leading Harry to Hogsmeade which is why they "welcomed" me back. Umbridge was there and she went by Harry."
Remus turned to look at Harry now.
"She was by me. She said I had unfinished business. Then Peter and Draco came. Peter was in the forest that day I was with you, Moony Da, right, Draco?"
Draco nodded.
"I yelled at Peter and he and Draco left."
"We went upstairs and we were having a Death Eater meeting," Draco explained.
"Umbridge then tried to use the imperius on me and I threw it off. So then she crucioed me."
Remus felt himself biting his tongue for the atrocities Harry was put through.
"Lucius Malfoy came down then. He said some stuff. When he left I called Dobby and told Dobby to get Draco because I wouldn't leave without him. Then Umbridge came down and made me write the letter to you. I'm glad it worked. She then crucioed me and this time I passed out. When I woke up Lucius and Snape were coming down. Then Voldemort came. He tortured me some and was going to kill me but I used the portkey. How did that work, anyway?"
"Old Black Family Magic. It took a lot of spell work and old magic. I'm so glad you used it to get out," Remus explained.
"I-I can show you my memory later of everything they said. I don't want to go through each line, "Harry said, shifting nervously.
"Of course! You did marvelous, Harry."
Remus turned back to Draco. "When did Dobby get you? How did Dobby get you?"
"During that Death Eater meeting, I was assigned to go into the kitchen and grab the snacks from the table. I got up and once I was alone Dobby popped in and popped me out. He explained more once we were safe. He's wild, but he saved me," Draco admitted.
"You are both safe now. I know you both went through a traumatic experience and it takes time. You are both strong and brave and I am so proud of you. Please know I'm here for anything you need," Remus said seriously, looking into their eyes.
Draco nodded and Harry mumbled his thanks.
Remus continued to talk to Draco and Harry about what happened. Both boys talked about what was said to them and what they had to do. Both Draco and Harry were empathetically listened to and validated it. They were in that session for close to two hours before Remus called it and walked Draco to his room in Severus' quarters and Harry to his room in the Marauder Quarters.
"You did really good today, Cub," Remus said as he cradled the back of Harry's head as they walked.
"It was a lot," Harry admitted, his head still reeling.
"Yeah, it was," Remus agreed. "I think rest is best right now. What do you think?"
"Yeah," Harry agreed, exhausted.
"Let's get you into bed, yeah?" Remus said gently as he carefully led Harry into their quarters. Sirius was waiting in the sitting room for them. As soon as Remus and Harry had come in, he popped into Padfoot and followed Remus and Harry to Harry's bedroom.
"We're here, Love," Remus whispered to Harry once he was in the bed. "You're safe. Rest now."
Harry felt Padfoot nuzzle up with him and felt Remus holding his hand.
Today was a lot and there was a lot more work to do, but he truly felt safe at this moment.
Harry and Draco both continued to have sessions with Remus to work through the trauma they went through, but tried to keep living their life.
Draco continued to work on the potions that he owed Severus not only to fulfill his punishment but to keep his hands and mind busy. However, he had quite a shock when he was turning in potion number 77.
"Here you go, Professor," Draco said, handing Severus a blood replenishing potion.
"Thank you, Mr. Malfoy. Nice work. You have completed all 100."
Draco was taken aback. "I know I'm supposed to have 23 more. I've only done 77."
Severus shook his head. "You had another person making potions to contribute to your total."
Draco quickly knew what Severus meant for that. "Harry had been making potions?!"
"He wanted to keep his hands busy and help you."
"I've got to talk to him," Draco muttered, turning around to walk out of the room.
"Draco," Severus called after him.
"I've got to go!" Draco exclaimed, turning around to lock eyes with Severus before storming out.
Severus hastily threw a few tracking and monitoring charms on Draco before he left. He wearily walked to his office and poured himself a drink. Teenagers.
Draco stormed the hallways, muttering under his breath.
The students cleared the hallway for Draco. They didn't know what rampage he was on, but they certainly did not want to get in his way.
Luckily, a particular professor saw Draco in the hallways.
"Draco?" they called out, seeing the pale boy.
Draco didn't hear them.
"Draco?" they repeated, walking toward him.
Still no answer,
"Draco?" they asked for a third time, standing in front of Draco and putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Professor Lupin," Draco said, blinking. "Hi. I er- have to go do something."
"Are you okay?" Remus asked, crouching down.
Draco huffed and turned away. "I-I just have to do something."
Remus eyed the boy critically and stood up. He put a reassuring arm around his shoulders and slowly led him to his office. "Why don't we chat a bit first, hm?"
Draco sighed, but he knew it was probably for the best. He allowed Remus to lead him to his office and sat down on the couch with a huff.
"What's going on?" Remus asked kindly after he had shut the door and sat down.
Draco was quiet for a while, debating what he wanted to say. Remus gave him his time but eventually reminded him what therapy was about. "Draco, I just want to remind you that anything you say stays in here. I won't ever repeat it. This is a safe space and you don't need to hold anything back."
Draco nodded in acknowledgment to Remus. He was quiet for a bit longer, gathering his thoughts.
"One of my punishments for bullying Harry back in the fall was to make a hundred potions."
Remus knew what Draco was referencing and nodded encouragingly.
"I didn't mind doing them. They were for the hospital wing. Harry has helped me a few times. That's actually where we started to become friends."
Remus gave Draco an encouraging smile.
"I was working on one, number 77. I turned it in and Uncle Sev said I was done. I was confused and told him that I'd only done 77. He said Harry's been making potions and that they were counting toward my total. I have a hundred now."
"And how do you feel about that?" Remus asked, leaning back a bit.
Draco sighed. "I-I don't know. I mean I know it's nice of him and all, but I was literally doing it because of him! I don't understand!"
Remus nodded. "That is confusing. Did you like to make potions with Harry?"
Draco nodded. "Yeah, it was nice."
Remus thought for a moment before leaning forward and speaking. "You know Harry made potions to keep his hands busy, right?"
Draco nodded.
"Now, I haven't talked to Harry about this, so it's all therapist guesswork, alright?"
Draco nodded, understanding.
Remus continued. "I think he liked helping you make those potions because it gave him something to work toward. You had a goal. Harry wanted to do something with those potions; he wanted to have a purpose in making them. It made him feel useful."
Draco leaned back now, thinking, "That makes sense."
"Are you frustrated that your quota is met? Did you like making potions?" Remus prompted.
Draco thought before saying, "Yeah. I think so. I liked to make potions. It was nice to do something that was going to make a difference, y'know?"
Remus smiled and nodded encouragingly. "I totally understand. Draco, your detention quota is met. That doesn't mean you can't make potions for the hospital wing just to help."
"Huh," Draco said, his body finally relaxing. "I never thought about that."
Remus gave him a small smile as he processed the information.
"I-I guess I liked the make the potions and I didn't understand why Harry would help me with them. I also was frustrated and upset that it was over. But I can still make them, you're right," Draco said, voicing his thoughts after a few moments.
"You can. And if I'm correct you already assist Madame Pomfrey?"
Draco nodded.
"You can always tell people that it's part of your apprenticeship," Remus pointed out.
"That's a great idea!" Draco exclaimed, his face lighting up. "Thanks, Professor!" Draco stood up and went to the door, but Remus stopped him.
"Whoa, whoa. Hold on. Before you leave I have a couple of questions to ask you," Remus said, standing up.
Draco stopped and went back to his seat. "Yeah?'
"Well first, you were rather upset in the hallways. I am so glad to see you're doing better now. Do you sometimes get that upset?"
Draco shrugged. "Sometimes."
"And what do you usually do when that happens?"
Draco shrugged again. "Uncle Sev can help me. I'll also brew a potion sometimes. That helps calm me down. This was about potions, so I couldn't do that."
Remus nodded. "Both of those sound like good strategies. Can I teach you something else you can do to calm down?"
Draco nodded.
"This is called square breathing. You breathe in for 4, hold for four, release for 4, and hold for 4. You breathe like a square since it's all the same length."
Draco nodded.
"Do you want to try it out?"
"Sure," Draco agreed.
Remus coached Draco through the breathing strategy and Draco felt more grounded. "I like that," Draco said when he was done.
"Good! There are a lot more like that we can explore anytime you want."
Draco nodded thoughtfully.
"What are you going to do when we are done?" Remus asked.
"I mean I was going to see Harry before I came here, but I think I'll wait on that. I don't even know where he is," Draco admitted. "I did storm out of the dungeons and Uncle Sev was trying to talk to me. I guess I'll go to him and tell him that I'm okay."
"That's a really good strategy," Remus said approvingly. "I like that idea. If Severus is upset or having a difficult time, please don't hesitate to get me. In fact, do you want me to walk you back?" Remus offered.
Draco shook his head. "No thanks, Professor. I'll enjoy the walk. Uncle Sev'll be fine. I will get you if I need anything, though. Thanks so much for your help."
Remus stood up, giving Draco a warm smile. "Of course. Anytime, Draco. I'm happy to help."
Draco walked out and gave Remus a wave before heading back to the dungeons.
Draco found Severus in his quarters, having moved from his office.
"Hi, Uncle Sev," Draco said as he walked in.
Severus had a glass of firewhiskey in his hand and looked up at Draco. "So kind of you to finally join me."
Draco grimaced and sat down. "Sorry I stormed out. I had a lot on my mind. Professor Lupin found me and talked to me. He explained some stuff to me. Y'know, I can still make potions even though my detentions are over?" Draco pointed out, excitement in his voice.
Snape raised an eyebrow and Draco sat back in his seat.
"Draco, I am glad that Professor Lupin found you. Sometimes when we are overwhelmed we can't see any solution, even an obvious one."
"I am sorry for running away, Uncle Sev. I didn't want to worry you."
Severus carefully eyed Draco before setting his drink down and going over to his godson. "I am proud of you for getting help. You did well. Next time, just say you need space. Or sit down and talk to me. You are not alone."
Draco reached and hugged his godfather. Severus, not that he would ever admit it, returned the hug.
"I love you, Uncle Sev."
"I love you, Draco."
The next day in the Great Hall, Draco found Harry before supper started.
"Hey, Harry," Draco said, sliding into a spot next to Harry.
"Hey, Draco," Harry replied, shutting his book and turning to his friend.
"How were classes today?"
"The usual. You?"
"The same," Draco replied. "Hey, I have a question to ask you."
"Shoot."
"Why did you make potions for me?"
Harry blushed and looked away. "Who told you?"
"Uncle Sev. I thought I hit potion number 77 but he said that I hit 100 and I was done."
"I just wanted to help. It was nice being useful," Harry admitted.
Draco nodded. "You know, we can still make potions together even though I finished all 100."
"I guess you're right. We can," Harry pondered.
More people were coming into the Great Hall now and Draco wanted to get back to his seat. "And Potter-"
Harry looked up.
"Thanks."
Harry returned the smile and greeted his friends who were coming to sit by him.
"Is Draco okay?" Ginny asked as she slid into the bench.
"Oh yeah, he's good. He just wanted to talk to me about some potions, that's all."
Ginny nodded and Hermione started to talk about the potion they'll be making in class next week.
Harry listened contently to his friends' chatter and chimed in when appropriate. He waved to his godparents when they entered and quieted down when Dumbledore stood up to speak.
Surprisingly, Schoutz, the ministry-appointed Defense teacher, stood up with him.
"Students. I hope you had a splendid day today. I am afraid I have some unfortunate news. While Quidditch was allowed to be resumed this spring, there will officially be no new Quidditch games or matches. Practices are limited to once a week. That is the ministry's rule. Professor Schoutz, would you like to say anything?"
"Yes, I would, Professor. You see, students," Schoutz began.
However, Harry didn't hear anything after that. He remembered how excited he was when it was shared that Quidditch could start up in the spring. It gave him something to work toward and look forward to. In fact, Madame Pomfrey had just cleared him to resume Quidditch practices this week.
Harry heard the buzz of Professor Shoutz's words and eventually the roar of students talking, but he was lost in his own mind.
"Harry, mate. You good?" Ron asked after the food had appeared and Harry had not moved. "I know Quidditch is a bummer. It's a crime!"
Harry turned his head to the sound of the voice and gave Ron a weak smile, but didn't manage to make eye contact with him. "Yeah, it sucks."
"Try the chicken though, mate. It's really good!" Ron encouraged, putting some on Harry's plate.
"You are disgusting, Ronald! But it is quite good," Hermione said, taking a bit herself.
"Thanks, guys," Harry replied, picking up his fork and moving the chicken around his plate.
Ron and Hermione exchanged concerned looks and then they brought Neville in. Neville looked to the head table where Sirius and Remus were sitting. Luckily, they were already aware of the issue. Remus and Sirius were whispering quietly to each other and Minerva was involved in the conversation, too. Remus gave Neville a small nod and went back to his adult conversation.
"Professor Lupin's got it, guys," Neville said quietly, but Harry was too in his own head to hear it. "Look, he and Professor Black and Professor McGonagall are all talking and looking at Harry."
The Gryffindors, being the brazen bunch they are, all looked up at the same time and peered at the professors.
Sirius noticed this and gave a wave, which Ron returned.
Ginny burst into giggles and Hermione rolled her eyes but bit her lip to keep from laughing.
"See, they've got it. We've just got to make sure Harry's good until dinner is over," Neville reminded them.
"Harry," Hermione said gently, reaching over the table to touch his hand.
Harry jumped feeling her hand but looked in her direction. "Hermione?"
"Yeah, Harry, it's me," Hermione said gently. "Do you think you can eat some dinner?"
"I don't know, Hermione. I'm not that hungry," Harry admitted.
"That's okay. Just take some sips of water, okay then?"
"Sure, thanks," Harry said, taking a shaky sip of water.
The Gryffindors continued to watch over Harry and make sure he wasn't completely disassociated.
When dinner was over and people were finally starting to disband, Remus swiftly made his way down to Harry.
"Thank you all," Remus said warmly to Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Ginny.
Remus then crouched down next to Harry. "Harry, why don't we bring you back to our quarters, hm?"
"Okay," Harry replied, his eyes downcast.
Remus helped Harry out from the table and slowly brought him to the Marauder Quarters. Sirius was waiting with hot chocolate in the sitting room and was relieved when they walked in.
"How're you doing, Harry?" Sirius asked gently.
Harry shrugged. "I dunno. It's a lot with them canceling Quidditch."
Remus sat Harry down and Sirius popped into Padfoot and jumped onto Harry's lap, knowing it helped him.
"What's going through your mind, Cub?" Remus asked gently. "You're safe here."
The weight of Padfoot and Remus' soothing words helped Harry relax and stay in the present. Harry was able to sort through his feelings enough to verbalize them. "I am upset about Quidditch. I knew it was a long shot when Grandma Min used her contacts to get Quidditch reinstated, but I can't believe the ministry is that against any of us working together. Quidditch is just so important to me, y'know? It's wild how something so important to you can be taken away so quickly."
Remus nodded but caught the double meaning in what Harry was saying. "It is hard when things or people are taken from us quickly. I can promise you, Harry, that Dadfoot and I aren't going anywhere anytime soon."
Harry was momentarily shocked that Remus somehow managed to read his mind, but his eyes welled up with tears and Harry turned to Remus. "You don't know that! We're in a war! People die!"
Remus nodded and rubbed Harry's back. "We are in a war. People have died. It's not easy. Dadfoot and I, though, aren't planning on running into battle anytime soon. You are our priority and we don't have any plans on leaving you."
"Promise?" Harry asked.
The logical, traumatized, war-torn part of him knew that it wasn't a promise that anyone could keep.
On the other hand, his inner child who longs for stability and affection had to ask it.
"We promise," Remus reassured him, touching foreheads.
Harry willingly leaned into Remus' hold and appreciated the affection. It was quiet for a long time before Harry spoke again. "They took my control, Moony Da. They keep taking away things I can control. Things that help."
Remus was impressed with Harry's reflection, but his heart broke with it.
"It's not easy, Cub. It's certainly not easy when things you love are taken away. I can't make it all better, but I can promise I'll be there to help you through it."
"No matter what?"
"No matter what."
Alternatives to harming yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)