Author's Note: TW for references to self-harm, panic attack, and hopelessness.
My loves! I am sorry for the cliffhanger, but I almost made it SO much worse! I put a * by the line I almost stopped it at.
Also, I encourage you all to make a prediction by the * and see if it is correct or not by the end!
I am so incredibly thankful for all of you who read this, especially those who comment! Seriously, reading the comments you leave me gives me more serotonin than my antidepressant (thanks for that, by the way. I'm sure my therapist thanks you, too). Anyway, I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter! I didn't want to make you wait too long after the cliffhanger so I rushed to post it. Enjoy! You are loved!
Guest Reviews:
Urgwaew: Hi, you amazing human! Oh, your words are so kind! I am so glad you found it powerful. Thank YOU for the motivation. There will be more depressed Harry over his time at Hogwarts for sure. I hope you know, Urgwaew, how truly appreciated and loved you are. I am so glad you are here! And yes! The lack of will to fight. I'm definitely going to touch on that in later chapters, such a great idea. I work SO hard on Snape and it's a challenge for me, so I really appreciate your feedback! And yes, his drinking will continue to come up. I have had plans for it (LunePrimus actually gave me the idea way back in the beginning chapters). I'm not sure when I'm putting it in, but it'll be there! Yes, to everything! You totally understand Harry's struggle. He's definitely going down. This chapter puts a wrench in his mental health as well. (And yay, Marlene! And Dorcas!) I appreciate you! Thanks again!
Rebecca08: Hi, friend! Thanks so much for reading! Wow, you read it so quickly and you are so, so kind for rereading it! I hope you like this chapter!
This Chapter summary: Harry has the nightmare/vision from Voldemort where he sees Sirius being tortured in the Hall of Prophecies in the ministry. He wakes up his friends to get his godfather. Then, there's the aftermath.
Previous Chapter Summary: Harry's depression gets worse. Remus offers Harry an incentive for studying. Harry has a rough Occlumency session and doesn't want to stay with his parents which ruffles some feathers.
Harry went to bed early on Friday night, like he had most nights the past few weeks. In reality, he probably fell asleep later than the rest of his dorm mates. Harry fell into an uneasy sleep and was woken up after a violent nightmare.
Harry woke up, screaming and soaked in sweat. He looked around and remembered that his silencing charm was still up. He grabbed his wand and waved it, hastily taking down the charm. Harry stumbled out of bed and to Ron's bed.
"Ron! Ron!" Harry panted, shaking his friend.
"Wha?" Ron asked, rolling over. He saw the panic on Harry's face and quickly sat up. "Harry, what's wrong?"
"It's Dadfoot. Voldemort has him. It's the same place I keep seeing. In the ministry. With the prophecies. We have to go!" *
"Harry, are you sure?" Ron asked, standing up.
"It was a vision, just like with your dad."
Ron paled at the mention of the incident regarding his father but nodded.
"We need people. I can get someone to get Hermione?"
Harry nodded and as Ron left Neville came over to him.
"Harry, are you alright?"
"It's my dad. Voldemort's got him and he's torturing him. We've got to go help."
"Are you sure?"
"YES! I'm sure!" Harry yelled, throwing his arms up.
Harry felt his eyes well up with tears and he sat down on the bed, holding his head in his hands.
"It'll be alright, Harry," Neville said softly, sitting next to his friend and patting him on the back. "It'll be alright. You'll see."
Harry and Neville sat silently together until Ron came back with Hermione several minutes later.
"Hermione! We've got to go!" Harry said, standing up.
"Harry," Hermione began softly, seeing the panic in Harry's face, "You had a vision like before, correct?"
Harry nodded. His hands were twitching as he was anxious to go.
"Did you check your dads' quarters?"
Harry froze. "What?"
"Did you check your dads' quarters and make sure that Professor Black isn't there?"
Harry hit himself in the head. "I didn't even think about that!" He cried, throwing his hands up and turning around.
"What is going on?" Seamus called from his bed, rolling over.
"Go back to sleep, Seamus. We're good," Neville replied.
Seamus nodded and rolled over to face away from the crowd.
"Come on, Harry, let's go," Hermione said.
Harry put his slippers on and the five Gryffindors silently made their way through the castle to the Marauder Quarters. Harry all but burst through the doors and ran to his godparent's bedroom.
"Dadfoot? Dadfoot?!" Harry yelled, running through the quarters.
Remus and Sirius immediately woke up and jumped out of bed.
"Harry, what is it?" Sirius asked as he hurried out of his bedroom, Remus on his tail.
Harry froze when he saw Sirius and held out his wand. "How did I break my arm when I was 8?"
"You snuck out and tried to play Quidditch by yourself. You were startled by Hagrid and you fell."
Harry lowered his wand and stayed frozen for a moment longer before falling to the ground, crying.
Sirius and Remus were beyond confused at the exchange but rushed to Harry's side.
"We'll just be outside then," Hermione said quietly.
Remus looked up, noticing the other teenagers. "I'll walk you back to the tower. Let's go," Remus said, making sure Sirius had Harry.
"What is going on?" Remus asked as soon as the door was shut.
"Harry had a vision like he did before. He saw Professor Black at the ministry being tortured. Harry said it was by the prophecies. He wanted to go save him," Ron explained.
"I stayed with Harry while Ron went to get Hermione," Neville said.
"When I got there Harry was rather upset. I asked if he had checked your quarters and he didn't. Well, you know what happened next," Hermione said.
"That was good thinking on your part, Hermione. Thank you, all of you, for helping Harry. We have him now. He's going to be okay."
"Is there anything we can do, Professor?" Neville asked.
"Keep this quiet. People don't need to know about it."
The students all nodded and the rest of the walk was silent. Remus walked them into the common room and flooed back to his quarters.
Sirius was rocking Harry on the floor and Remus went to his side.
"Hi, Harry. You are safe. Moony and Dadfoot are here."
"But it was there! Dadfoot was being tortured! But he's here!"
Remus ran his hand up and down Harry's back to calm him down. "He is here, Harry. He never left."
"I don't get it! I-I don't get it!" Harry cried, a fresh round of tears starting.
Sirius and Remus exchanged concerned looks and Remus said, "I don't know what happened, Harry, but I'm going to get some help, okay?"
Harry nodded but was still upset.
"Before I go I'm going to give you a calming draught. I'm worried about you."
Remus went to where he stored the potions and magically unlocked the cabinet. He grabbed a calming draught for Harry and helped tip it down his throat. Harry almost immediately began to calm down and took some deep, shuddering breaths.
"That's it, Love. Keep breathing," Remus encouraged softly.
Harry eventually calmed down enough to be breathing regularly and his tears were (at least momentarily) stopped. Sirius was still wrapped around Harry to keep him calm.
"Harry, we are all safe right now. Are you okay if I get some help?"
Harry nodded after a squeeze and reassurance from Sirius.
Remus kissed Harry on the head and swiftly went back into the floo. Harry stayed close to Sirius and listened to his reassurances.
"I am safe, Harry. You are safe. I've got you. I'm right here with you. We are safe," Sirius whispered to Harry.
Remus came back about 5 minutes later with Albus, Severus, and Minerva.
Minerva was worried for Harry, Albus was both perplexed and concerned, and Severus kept an indifferent expression on his face.
"Harry, are you okay? What did you see?" Albus asked, walking towards Harry before Remus could even stop him.
Harry looked up with red eyes from crying and his confused and scared face became twisted in anger.
"You don't deserve to be here!" Harry shouted, tears starting again. "You didn't tell me anything!"
Harry hadn't seen Dumbledore except at the head table in weeks, not since he found out about the Horcrux.
Albus was momentarily surprised but pushed that feeling away. "Harry, I know you're angry, but it's important we know what happened."
"You have NO idea how I'm feeling!" Harry growled.
"Albus, I told you not to do this," Remus hissed as he went over to Harry.
"You're safe, Harry. We've got you," Remus murmured, blocking Albus from Harry.
Minerva pulled Albus back and began to quietly berate him while Snape watched the exchanges.
Eventually, Remus calmed Harry down enough and said, "Albus, Harry is going to explain what happened."
Albus, Minerva, and Severus all came toward Harry and listened carefully as Harry recounted his vision/nightmare.
"And it was like the one with Mr. Weasley?" Albus asked as Harry finished.
"Just like it. If Dadfoot hadn't been here, I would've gone to the ministry."
Albus nodded and thought for a moment before standing up. "It's a trap. We need order members at the ministry. Now."
Dumbledore turned away and started to walk towards the floo before he stopped and turned back around to face Harry. "Thank you, Harry. And I love you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope we will talk soon." Dumbledore gave Harry another loving looking before flooring away, Minerva and Severus following him.
Harry once again collapsed into tears when the room was empty and Remus and Sirius held him close.
"Harry, you don't have to worry about this. The adults are taking care of this, as they should."
"I almost killed my friends! We were going to go! And both of you could've gotten hurt! I-I just feel it! Dadfoot would've died! I know it! I know it!"
"Harry," Sirius said both firmly and warmly, looking into Harry's face.
Sirius' tone caused Harry to quiet down and look up into his face, hiccuping.
"I am here and I'm not going anywhere. I am safe. Moony Da is safe. You are safe. Whatever would've happened, didn't. We've got you."
Harry fell into Sirius and held onto him.
Remus and Sirius both had never seen Harry so distraught about what would've happened. He was unconscious after the events in first and second year and after Pettigrew escaped he was angry and upset and after fourth year he was catatonic for the longest time. They hadn't seen him quite like this before.
"I don't want to leave you two," Harry ended up whispering.
"You don't have to. You are safe here," Remus reassured Harry.
They stayed there on the floor for a long while. Not much was said, but they stayed near each other. Eventually, Remus said, "Harry, it's getting near breakfast time. How about I get up and get us some food from the kitchens, hm?"
"O-okay," Harry agreed, his voice hoarse.
Remus slowly got up and went to call a house elf to bring them some food while Sirius helped Harry up.
"Is the kitchen okay to eat in?" Sirius asked gently.
Harry nodded and followed Sirius (while holding his hand) to the kitchen.
Remus was putting bowls of oatmeal and fruit on the table.
"Eat what you can. I'll give you a potion to keep it down after," Remus explained as he took the open seat next to Harry.
Harry nodded and did his best to spoon the oatmeal into his mouth. It tasted like nothing to him, even after adding brown sugar and fruit.
"I-I don't think I can eat anymore," Harry eventually said, pushing it away.
"That's alright, love. You did well. Let me just get your potion, yeah?" Remus said kindly, taking his bowl and going to get the potion.
Harry took the potion as soon as Remus handed it to him because he had no idea how long the food would actually stay in his stomach without it.
"What can we do for you, Harry?" Remus asked, holding Harry's hand.
"I just want to stay with you both."
"Do you want to sleep?" Remus asked.
Harry shrugged. "I don't know. I don't like that he's in my mind."
"That makes sense. When you're ready to try to sleep, how about we help you close your mind?"
Harry nodded.
"Where would you like to go now, Harry?" Sirius asked.
"I don't care. Just where we can be together. And safe." Harry added.
"Let's go to our bed, Love. C'mon," Remus said, leading Harry to his and Sirius' room.
Harry found himself nestled between Sirius and Remus and a very small smile found its way onto Harry's face. "This is good."
Sirius and Remus both grinned and felt relief from knowing that Harry felt safe here.
"I'm so glad, Pup," Sirius said, kissing Harry's head.
"We've got you, Love. You can relax. We're here and nothing's going to happen."
Harry relaxed and turned to Sirius. "Do you have anything to distract me? Maybe a book or something?"
Sirius turned to his nightstand and pulled out a book. "A mystery. Much more fun than Moony Da's book," Sirius teased.
"Hey! I'll have you know that Adolescent Counseling Strategies is a riveting read!"
Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, my mystery wins."
Harry giggled and enjoyed the normal banter between his parents in a very abnormal situation.
Sirius opened up his book to the beginning and beag reading, "Mr. and Mrs. Oldman were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. While moving into a new home, their normalcy was about to change."
Harry listened as Sirius dramatically read the story. It was quite a good distraction. So good, in fact, that Harry was able to relax enough to doze off to sleep.
Remus eventually noticed and tapped Sirius on the arm, who looked over and saw Harry sleeping.
Sirius nodded and shut the book and Remus cast a silencing charm bubble over Harry's head.
"Merlin, Remus," Sirius said, running a hand through his hair.
"I know. He is terrified. I don't know the last time we saw him so fearful for us. He's so confused, scared, and hurting."
"What do we do?" Sirius asked.
"We stay here with him. We listen to what he asks us to do."
"Doesn't your book tell us what to do? You know, step by step?" Sirius asked hopefully.
Remus chuckled. "I wish it worked that way. However, I don't think anyone could write a book on Harry's life. It's got a lot of trauma. I have to work on how to approach situations with him every day. There's no exact approach."
"Remus, I just want to help him the best I can," Sirius whispered, choked up.
Remus reached over to give Sirius' hand a reassuring squeeze. "You're doing amazing, Sirius. Trust me, I'd stop you if you were doing a bad job."
Sirius let out a watery chuckle and wiped his face. "I just love him so much, Rem."
"I know. I do, too. We've got him, Siri. He's safe with us. You and I both know we won't let anything happen to him."
Sirius nodded. "You're right. We'll protect him until our last breath."
"Which, according to Harry, would've been today for you," Remus commented.
"You know, Moony, I have a feeling that that could've happened. I know it sounds ridiculous, but something just feels off."
Remus nodded. "I know what you mean. I have it, too. Merlin, I'm glad you're here Padfoot."
"Me too, Moons. Me too."
—-
Remus and Sirius took turns resting so someone would always be awake for Harry. Luckily, they were both awake when Harry started to thrash.
"Harry? Harry?" They tried to nudge him and wake him up, but it was no use.
Harry finally did wake up screaming.
"Harry, what happened?" Sirius asked, trying to calm the scared teenager down.
Harry's mind flickered to what had happened.
He was dreaming somewhat peacefully when Voldemort came into his mind.
"Mr. Potter. I see we're together yet again," Tom Riddle said, gliding into Harry's mind.
"YOU! You tried to trick me!" Harry spat.
"I was most displeased when adults arrived instead of you. I expected your Gryffindor foolish-ery and brazenness to win out."
"Pick on someone your own size, Tom."
Voldemort tutted. "Ah, Harry. You are marked as my equal, aren't you?"
"There's nothing equal about a 15-year-old fighting you, Tom."
"And yet, here I am. Your supposed grandfather is aware that I'm here right now."
"How'd you even get here?" Harry asked.
"It was rather easy, actually. You've surprisingly had your defenses up rather well as of late, but you've been slipping."
Harry just rolled his eyes.
"Watch out, Harry Potter. You don't know what I have."
"I know what you don't have! Love! You'll never know what it's like to have friends and parents and people who care about you. Granddad loves me! Grandma Min loves me! My friends love me! My parents love me! You'll never know that. And I feel sorry for you."
Tom snarled and waved his wand. Harry and everything in his mind was thrown around. Harry felt himself get tossed around before everything went black.
And then he opened his eyes.
"Harry!" Remus and Sirius cried, thankful to see Harry open his eyes.
"He was in my mind," Harry panted hoarsely.
"What?" Sirius asked, summoning Harry a glass of water.
Harry took the water with a shaky hand and sipped it, handing it to Sirius.
"Voldemort. He was in my mind. He was at the ministry. Granddad was fighting him before he went into my mind. He's cruel. He's playing games."
"What happened?" Remus asked, concerned.
"N-not now. We have to wait. I'll give my memory to Granddad and you can view it then. I want to say it once and be done."
"Okay, Harry, that's perfectly understandable. We're just glad you're safe," Remus said, rubbing Harry's arm.
"He's not going to back down. He wants into my mind. He wants me. We have to do something."
"Harry, you're safe here. He's not going to hurt you here," Sirius tried to reassure Harry.
Harry crawled out from between them and jumped up. "He did! He was just in my mind! We have to do something! Anything!" Harry said, walking out of the room, albeit shakily.
Sirius and Remus threw themselves out of the bed to chase after Harry. Remus got to Harry first and guided him to the couch to sit down.
"Harry, we can certainly make a plan. Right now we just want to make sure you're alright," Remus said.
"Of course, I'm not!" Harry cried, standing up, tears coming again. "The darkest, most evil wizard of our time is after me! But I can't sit here! He's after me! He's in my mind! It's terrible!"
Remus reached out and pulled Harry into a hug. Harry protested at first but eventually relaxed.
"I've got you. You're safe," Remus kept murmuring over and over again.
It was several minutes later when Harry finally pulled away from Remus.
"What do you want, Cub?" Remus asked softly.
"We have to talk to Dumbledore. He'll know what to do. And Snape. I guess Grandma Min should be there, too. We need it done now."
Remus nodded and glanced at Sirius who was already on it.
"We'll send a Patronus now, Cub," Remus said as Sirius cast it and began relaying a message.
Harry nodded and was quiet until the Patronus Padfoot ran away and out of the room.
Harry took a shaky breath and mustered all of his courage and confidence. "Right then. Let's go."
"Where are we going, Harry?" Sirius asked.
"Dumbledore's office. If you want to see the memory, that's the place for it."
Remus and Sirius were both perplexed by Harry's behavior but weren't going to question him. However he wanted to process this traumatic day, he could (as long as he was safe, of course).
"Let's walk together. I think it would do us some good," Remus said, standing up.
"I don't really want people looking at me. Can you…?" Harry trailed off.
"Certainly," Remus said, casting a Notice-Me-Not charm on Harry.
"Ready, Pads?"
"Let's go," Sirius said as they walked out of their quarters.
Remus and Sirius only saw two students while they were walking, but Harry still felt much better knowing that it would be difficult for anyone to notice him.
"You know what would make this Saturday morning walk perfect, Professor Lupin?" Sirius asked loudly.
"What is that, Professor Black?"
"Harry. It's too bad he's up in the dorms."
Harry snorted and rolled his eyes. His dads were such dorks sometimes.
"Did you hear that? It could be a ghost!" Remus commented, dramatically putting a hand to his chest.
"Dads!" Harry laughed.
"It's almost like he's here with us," Sirius said wistfully.
Harry was silently laughing shaking his head. "Unbelievable," he managed to say.
"Ah well. We'll get him next time," Remus breathed as they approached the Gargoyle and said the password.
As they got in the staircase, Remus took the charm off of Harry.
"So, how'd we do?" Sirius asked.
"Prats," Harry teased them, rolling his eyes.
Harry, Remus, and Sirius made their way into Dumbledore's office. Sirius sat down with Remus, but Harry paced nervously. Sirius and Remus exchanged concerned looks and Remus got up to put his hand on Harry's shoulder, causing him to flinch.
"Harry, you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable doing. We are here to support you no matter what."
Harry gave Remus a feeble smile. "I still have to do it. I have to."
Remus opened his mouth to refute the statement, but Dumbledore came in.
"He was in my mind," Harry quickly said, before he could lose his courage. "Again, I mean. I need to give you the memory so you can view it. Snape and Grandma Min should see it, too. Just take it," Harry said.
Dumbledore looked thoughtfully at him and opened his mouth to say something, but shut it. He walked over to Harry and put his wand to his temple before extracting the memory and putting it in a vial.
Harry felt himself slump with relief once Dumbledore had the memory. He didn't want to relay what happened and he knew that he wouldn't have to, at least right now.
"Tom had gone before I got your Patronus. The ministry was there as well. They now know that Voldemort has returned."
Harry froze. "What?"
Dumbledore nodded. "There's no denying it now. I assume it'll be on the front page of the Prophet we'll be receiving in a few hours."
Remus turned to the frozen teenager next to him. He carefully sat him down and slipped his hand into Harry's. "Harry, how do you feel about that?"
Harry was quiet before saying, "I-I don't know."
Remus nodded. "That's okay. You're allowed to take time to process."
Harry nodded, feeling a bit better after Remus' validation.
"Would you like us to view this now or later, Harry?" Albus asked.
"Now. Please."
"Alright. Are you ready, boys?" Albus asked, turning to Remus and Sirius.
"We're not leaving Harry alone right now," They both said, putting a hand out to Harry.
Harry squeezed his eyes shut and said, "Both of you go. Then you'll know. Just go and hurry."
"Harry, we are not leaving you," Sirius said firmly.
"I need both of you to see it."
"We'll take turns. Dadfoot can sit with you first. Then me."
Harry opened his mouth to argue but Sirius slid over and held his hand. "No arguments."
Harry nodded wordlessly and Remus and Albus put the memory in the Pensieve and were gone.
Sirius simply held Harry's hand and said, "I'm here for you, Pup."
Harry squeezed the hand gratefully.
Harry and Sirius continued to sit in silence until Minerva made her way through the door. She hurried to Harry and enveloped him in a hug.
"You poor child," She murmured.
"He's safe, Mum," Sirius reminded her gently, putting his hand out.
Minerva released Harry and hugged Sirius tightly before withdrawing and asking, "Where are Albus and Remus?"
"Viewing a memory of Harry's. We will see it when they return. Voldemort entered Harry's mind. Again. It is easier for Harry to show us than tell us, so we are going to watch it."
Minerva nodded and looked over at Harry who was digging his nails into his palms.
"Hey," She said softly. She bent down and gently took Harry's hands into her own. "We've got you. You are safe."
"But I'm not, Grandma Min. It's my mind. No one can protect my mind," Harry whispered with tears in his eyes.
"We will do everything we can," Minerva firmly reassured him. "You are not alone."
Harry looked away, but Minerva kept her unusually warm eyes on him. They were finally pulled away when Remus and Albus came back from the Pensieve.
Remus went right to Harry and hugged him. "You are loved."
"I would like to view the memory again if that's alright, Harry," Albus said, his eyes shining (from pride or tears, Harry wasn't sure).
Harry nodded and Minerva and Sirius stood up and followed Albus into the Pensieve.
"You did so well, Harry. So well," Remus murmured, sitting next to Harry.
"I just want to keep him out. I don't want him in my head," Harry admitted quietly.
"I know, Cub. I know. We'll work on something, we promise," Remus murmured.
The reality of the situation began to hit Harry. The shock and adrenaline had begun to wear off and he wasn't sure what to do.
Remus was holding Harry's hand. He thought he had begun to settle but when he glanced at Harry's face he realized he was withdrawing.
"Harry? Harry, Love," Remus said kindly, giving Harry a love-touch.
Harry blinked and looked at Remus.
"Hi, Love. Don't disappear on me. You're safe." Remus gave Harry a warm smile.
Harry tried to smile back but quickly felt tears come to his eyes. Harry turned and blinked them away, not ready to cry here; not yet.
"Harry?" Remus questioned, trying to catch Harry's eye.
"I can't, Moony Da, It's becoming real and I can't do it," Harry whispered.
Why this was the moment for all the events of the night to catch up to him, Harry wasn't sure. All he knew is that he did not want to have a breakdown in Dumbledore's office.
"Harry, I've got you. You can let go," Remus tried to encourage him.
"Not here, Moony Da. Please, I can't do it here!" Harry pleaded, unable to stop some tears from leaking.
Remus moved to embrace Harry, but Harry stood up and went to the fireplace, staring into the flames. Remus quickly went over to Harry. He didn't touch him but kept a close eye on him.
Harry went the enormity of the situation continually become heavier on his shoulders and he knew it was only a matter of minutes before he broke. This was too huge to try to hide.
Albus, Sirius, and Minerva returned shortly. Minerva was both horrified and proud. Sirius was overwhelmed, but his priority was present Harry. He looked to the couch where they were sitting and then to Remus quizzically.
Remus tilted his head towards Harry and shook his head.
Sirius understood his husband and nodded, a sad and solemn expression on his face.
Remus grabbed floo powder and gently led Harry into the flames.
"Where are they going?" Minerva asked, dabbing her nose with a handkerchief.
"I'm guessing Remus' office. Harry's having trouble."
"He's safe here," Albus commented.
Sirius nodded. "Yeah, he is. But Remus explained it to me before. It's good to have a neutral place for this type of stuff. Remus told me how he doesn't want Harry, or anyone, really, to have to associate any particular room with the bad memories. It's good to have a constant, neutral space. That's the shortened version, of course. Remus could tell you more," Sirius shrugged.
Despite the heavy memory they just watched, both Albus and Minerva smiled before remembering the memory.
"Albus, the poor boy!" Minerva said, looking at him.
"What should we do?" Sirius asked.
Albus sighed and sat in his chair. "Harry responded incredibly well to Tom. However, we need to get his Occlumency shields up. I know he's struggling, but that is how to keep Tom out."
"There's got to be something else we can do to help him," Sirius pleaded.
"There might be, but…" Albus trailed off.
"But what?" Sirius prompted.
Albus shook his head. "It's too much."
Sirius' face quickly turned stern and he walked up to Dumbledore's desk and slammed his hand down. "Nothing is too much for my son."
While taken aback by Sirius' outburst, neither Minerva nor Albus were surprised. Sirius and Remus' love was incredibly fierce for Harry.
Albus nodded slowly. "It has to do with the Horcruxes."
Sirius' face paled a bit but remained stony.
"Please, sit. It's a long story," Albus said wearily, waving his hand.
Minerva and Sirius both sat down.
"I might as well begin to tell you both until Severus comes to view the memory." And with that, Albus began to tell them about Tom Riddle and what he cared about.
Meanwhile, Remus flooed with Harry to his office. Harry made a beeline for the couch. He sat there for a moment before sliding to the ground.
Nope. That wasn't right either.
Harry got up and went to the wall and paced.
"What do you need, Harry?" Remus asked gently.
"I-it's too big," Harry managed to say.
Thankfully, the therapist extraordinaire that Remus was, understood. He waved his wand and a foam cube popped up in the corner from a pillow.
Harry's eyes lit up when he saw it and he went inside it.
While small spaces could cause Harry to panic at times, they were also reassuring during other times. Harry didn't really understand it, but Remus said it was normal and that was enough for Harry.
Harry was able to slow his breathing down in the small space. He looked to his side and saw that Remus slipped his hand through the side curtain that was hanging down. Harry grabbed his hand and felt Remus squeeze it.
"How're you doing, Cub?" Remus asked softly.
"B-better," Harrier replied. "Safe."
"Good," Remus praised. "Why don't you fly some laps in your head, hm?"
Harry stayed in the small space for a long time. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he was able to slow his thinking down into a buzz by going inside his mind and flying some laps, just like he did for occlumency practice.
However, a storm hit inside his mind and Harry felt himself falling. When he hit the ground, everything came rushing back.
Harry's breath hitched and Remus heard it. "Harry?"
Harry began to sob. Remus reached in and gently guided Harry out and into his arms.
Harry cried into Remus. "It's too much. He's always with me. I could've killed Dadfoot. I could've hurt my friends. I'm not safe."
Remus allowed Harry to finish speaking before he reassured him. "Harry James, you are safe. We are going to do everything we can to make sure you stay that way. We won't let anyone hurt you. We are going to close your mind. We are all safe. You are loved. I've got you, Cub."
Remus rubbed soothing circles on Harry's back and held him there for quite a while. Eventually, Harry pulled away and wiped his face.
"What are we going to do about my mind?"
"That's a good question. Professor Snape and Professor Dumbledore will know the answer to that more than I will."
Harry was quiet again for several moments before saying, "I can't do this, Moony Da. It's so much. There's so much to bear."
Remus nodded. "You're right. There is a lot. It is a lot easier when you let people share your burden. Harry, you are not alone. You have people who want to help. Let us in, Love."
Harry nodded. "Moony Da, I trust you. I just don't know how to hand it off."
Remus gave Harry a warm smile and wiped away a lone tear on Harry's face. "We're here to help, Harry. I've got you."
Harry smiled and moved off of Remus and leaned against the wall. "What do I do now?"
"Well, we have some people to talk to. First, I want to talk to you and ask some questions, if you're okay with it?"
Harry nodded.
"First, I want to make sure you're comfortable with me."
"Of course," Harry replied.
"Would you like to see a different therapist?" Remus asked, working hard at keeping his face and voice neutral.
"No! Please, no! Don't make me! Please, Moony Da!" Harry cried, his breathing instantly becoming quicker.
"Harry, you're safe. I'm not going to make you do anything. Take some deep breaths with me," Remus encouraged, rubbing Harry's arm.
Harry slowed his breathing down and looked Remus in the eyes. "I only want to talk to you."
Remus gave Harry a small smile and nodded. "I hear you, Cub. I was asking because I know you've felt overwhelmed and suffocated lately. I want to do whatever is best for you."
"You're best for me, Moony Da! I haven't felt that way about you, especially as my therapist! I've felt so stuck and trapped because I can't go anywhere with Voldemort. He's everywhere. It's nearing the anniversary of the third task and ever since then the spotlight on me was worse. Trust me, Moony Da, if you make me see a different therapist I'll make the Marauders look like saints."
Remus couldn't help a small chuckle from escaping. "I'm not making you do anything, Cub. I said it and I meant it. If I'm helpful to you, then that's all that matters."
"I couldn't do it without you, Moony Da. You've-" Harry stopped and took a deep breath. He felt a little silly saying it, but it was true and he wanted to make sure Remus heard him. "You've saved me, Moony Da. I love you. I wouldn't be here without you. I-I can't thank you enough."
Remus does a pretty good job of keeping a therapist face but hearing his son tell him that he's saved his life after the night they just had, broke him. Remus swiftly wrapped Harry in his arms again and blinked away tears.
"Oh, Harry. Oh, my cub. You don't have to thank me. I would do it again and again and again. You are Sirius and I's pride and joy. You bring me so much light. You are strong, brave, talented, hardworking, loving, fun, loyal, and so much more. Merlin, Harry. You are so loved."
Harry held on to Remus until Remus was ready to release him. Harry knew Remus was always there for him and in this singular moment, he wanted to be there for his dad.
"So, you're going to be right beside me, right? I'm not going to have to do this alone?" Harry asked once Remus released him.
"You are not alone, Harry. I promise you that."
Harry nodded, satisfied with that answer, but after a moment Remus continued. "Have you heard the muggle phrase that it takes a village?"
Harry nodded.
"You are no exception to that. And let me tell you, Harry, your village is right by your side. You are not alone. Not now, not ever."
Harry smiled and leaned into Remus. He stayed there for hours with Remus. They sometimes talked and sometimes were just together, but it ignited the tiniest bit of hope in Harry. Maybe, just maybe, there might be something that goes right in Harry's life. As long as he had his parents, it was a step in the right direction and all he could hope for.
Alternatives to harming yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)