Author's Note: TW for references to trauma and abuse, panic attack, and anxiety
My readers, friends, and lovely humans reading this: I truly cannot thank you enough for the support you've shown me. It means more to me than I could ever put into words. I may not be shown support by the other teachers in my "team", but from you I have it and that lifts me up so much. THANK YOU!
And thank you for your understanding about the later postings/updates. Man, you all are the BEST!
YOU ARE SPECIAL! YOU ARE IMPORTANT! YOU MATTER! I AM GLAD YOU EXIST! YOU ARE LOVED!
Guest Reviews:
Urgwaew: Hi, love! Thank you again for your wonderful review! And that is such a good idea! I wish I thought of that! Alas, it will come, but that would've been a great title for it. I felt like Harry had too much going on to master the transformation right now- but it really will come! Yes, the Dursleys are the worst. Ugh. And that voice telling you that you're not enough is also horrible. I hope anyone who is reading this knows that they are most certainly enough (including you!) Okay, I love that you liked the dog line with chocolate. I thought it was pretty funny, too. And I'm sorry I didn't make it more clear. Remus popped into Moon as his animagus form in the last chapter. it wasn't the full moon transformation. You are absolutely AMAZING and I am so thankful for you! All my love!
This chapter summary: OWLs are getting nearer. Hermione has trouble with them. The DA has its last meeting of the year and discusses if there will be more next year. There is a panic attack. Harry feels guilty.
Previous chapter summary: Harry has an occlumency session with Albus. A memory is seen and Harry has to deal with Albus seeing it and his feelings about it. Conversations occur with Remus and Albus.
While Harry felt much better after talking to his grandfather, it was short-lived.
OWLS were almost here.
"Hermione, we've still got a week until exams and it's nearly midnight. We've got Transfiguration tomorrow. Why don't we get to bed?" Harry suggested.
Some 5th and 7th years had stayed up late studying, but Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the last ones up. The fire in the Common Room was dying out and the boys were exhausted.
"But there's so much we've got to cover! I wanted to finish this textbook tonight!" Hermione remarked shrilly, her eyes darting over the room.
"Hermione, we've finished a whole other text today. And didn't you cover this one like two weeks ago anyway?" Ron asked.
"Yes, but there is information I've missed!"
Harry, as tired as he was, was able to catch the panic in Hermione's voice. It wasn't a typical panic, either. This was anxiety panic- and Harry knew that.
"Hermione," Harry began warmly, "you are doing a good job. You've studied more than any other student. You are doing a good job," Harry repeated. "There is more we can cover tomorrow. There's only so much we can do right now and our bodies need sleep. We will all study better after some rest."
Something in Harry's words seemed to get through to Hermione.
"A-and you promise you'll study with me tomorrow?"
"Of course," Harry fiercely promised.
"Okay," Hermione sniffed, closing a book.
Ron magically took care of her books and they walked her to the girl's stairway.
"Get us if you need anything, okay?" Harry asked seriously, making sure he was reaching her eyes.
Hermione nodded before engulfing both of them in a hug. "Thank you," she whispered.
"We're best friends. Of course," Harry said; Ron agreed.
Once they saw Hermione was safely up the stairs, Ron and Harry made their way up their side. "Merlin," Ron whispered. "I'm so glad you helped with that. She is so worried!"
"I know. I hope she'll be alright," Harry commented, worried.
"She'll be okay, mate. She's got us," Ron said, slinging his arm around Harry.
"Yeah, thank goodness we have her," Harry commented, thinking about all the time she has saved their life.
"Thank Merlin," Ron agreed.
The boys found their way into their dorm and quickly fell asleep.
Hermione was able to sleep (thank goodness), but that didn't stop McGonagall from giving her some concerned glances and talking with her after class the next day.
"What did she want?" Ron asked.
"She just wants to make sure I take care of me. I told her I could, but I must worry about my OWLs! She didn't like that, but I promised I'd put myself first," Hermione explained as they walked to their next class.
"You really should, Hermione," Harry agreed.
Hermione huffed. "I'll do my best, okay?"
Harry and Ron backed off and allowed Hermione to rant about McGonagall's review session.
The trio went through the rest of their classes that day. When History was over, Hermione quickly scrambled out to make sure she got a good studying table at the library, but Sirius called for Harry to stay back.
Sirius waited for the class to usher out before he shut the door and put up a silencing charm.
"How're you doing, Harry?"
Harry half expected this check-in so he just set his bag down and leaned against the desk. "'M okay. Stressed, but I'm glad you and Moony Da are allowing me to spend more nights in the dorms to study."
"Of course, Pup. We do want you to have a life, and, of course, do well in school. We just want to make sure you're taking care of yourself."
"I am! You've seen me!" Harry insisted.
Sirius nodded. "I have. I just know how stressful OWLs are and I want to keep making sure you're okay. You're kinda my everything, Love," Sirius said, smiling.
Harry relaxed and walked over to hug Sirius. "Thanks, Dad. I love you."
Sirius kissed the top of Harry's head and enjoyed having his son so close to him (he was safe that way).
"I love you, Harry."
Sirius held onto his son for a moment longer than normal before releasing him. "Keep taking care of yourself, and keep an eye on your friends, will you? Especially Hermione. She seemed a bit overwhelmed."
Harry winced. "A bit?"
"Okay, a lot. Get a professor or Moony if you need anything, yeah?"
"I will. Thanks, Dadfoot! See you!"
Sirius canceled the silencing charm and watch as his son walked away. At least he was stable as of right now.
On Wednesday, Harry held the last DA meeting. It was more of a party of sorts. The ministry was going to leave Hogwarts next year (which means Quidditch and other activities will be resumed). They also wanted to celebrate all they have accomplished this year and talk about next year.
"We started this as a way to learn to defend ourselves because the ministry wasn't teaching us. With them gone next year, there's a chance we might have a competent teacher. What are you all thinking?" Harry asked as everyone enjoyed the ice cream from the kitchens.
"I say we keep having it!" Dean said, taking a bite of ice cream.
Before Harry could say anything, others chimed in.
"Yeah!"
"Let's have it!"
"C'mon, Harry!"
"Whoa. I didn't think you lot would care so much about it," Harry commented, running a hand through his hair.
"Harry Potter, of course, we would," Luna said softly, giving him a warm smile. "We care about this club and you. We're the DA. We're a team. We stick together, isn't that right? You're the Quidditch player."
Harry blushed but gave Luna a smile and a chuckle. "Yeah, Luna. You're right. We stick together."
"To another year of the DA!" Ron shouted, holding up a mug of butterbeer.
The students cheered and Harry stepped down from what he was standing on and went to talk to his friends and classmates.
The DA celebration/meeting went pretty well, up until the end. Some people had already headed out (mostly the younger years), but 4th-7th years were still there and the topics of OWLS came up. Hermione stiffened and immediately began talking about it.
"It's okay, Hermione. Sure, they're a lot, but they're not the end all, be all. Really," Katie Bell said, trying to reassure the stressed out 5th year.
"But our classes depend on this! Our careers depend on this!" Hermione said shrilly, her eye large.
"Hermione, it's not that difficult. You're going to be okay," Fred said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"McGonagall works with the Gryffindors anyway. You're good," George said.
"She can't help me if I fail everything!" Hermione cried, throwing her hands up.
Some students stepped back, realizing this wasn't just a regular case of nerves.
"Hermione, it's okay," Ron said, reaching out to rub her arm.
Hermione flinched away from him and took several steps back. "No! I-I've got to study!" Hermione started to breathe quicker and Angelina went over to her.
"Hermione," the older girl said uncharacteristically softly. "Take some deep breaths."
However, Hermione was no longer in the present. She started muttering about classes and her breathing remained uneven and quick.
Several students looked at Harry, wanting some direction. "We need to get Professor Lupin. Ron, do you want to get him or stay here?"
"I'll get him," Ron said, knowing that there was a better chance of Harry calming her down.
Harry nodded and Ron ran off. Harry walked towards Hermione and sat down as his friend was already on the ground.
"Hermione, it's me, Harry. I'm going to touch your hand, okay?" Harry said softly, trying to mimic Remus.
Harry slowly reached over and touched Hermione's hand. When she didn't flinch away, Harry let it linger for a minute before slipping his hand in hers and squeezing it.
"You are safe, Hermione. I'm right here."
Hermione's whimpers and muttering quieted, but her breathing remained uneven.
"Hermione? Can you take deeper breaths with me?" Harry gently asked, slowing his breathing to encourage her to breathe with him.
It didn't work, but it didn't make it worse, either.
Meanwhile, Ron was running as fast as he could to get to Remus. He wasn't sure if he was in his quarters or his office, but he tried his office first.
Ron saw that his office door was open and ran in. "Professor Lupin! You need to come!" Ron huffed.
"Ron, are you okay? What's going on?" Remus asked, on his feet immediately.
Internally, Moony was worried about his cub and was hoping with all his might that Harry was okay.
"I'm good. It's Hermione. She's panicking about OWLs."
Remus nodded and said, "Where is she?"
"Room of Requirement."
"Come, we'll floo to a closer room," Remus said, bringing Ron over to the fireplace.
Remus had already seen Hermione twice this week and she had needed to go to the hospital wing for a calming draught. He wasn't surprised, but he was, of course, concerned for his student.
In the Room of Requirement, Harry continued to try to talk to Hermione and comfort her until Ron came with Remus.
"Mo-er, Professor. I'm glad you're here. I think I helped some, but she's not back yet," Harry said when he saw Ron and Remus coming in the door.
"Nice job, Harry. I've got it," Remus reassured his son with a loving shoulder squeeze.
Harry smiled and backed away.
"Hermione, can you hear me? It's Professor Lupin. I'm here to help."
Hermione didn't reply.
Remus turned to the students behind him. "Does anyone here have a book?"
There was a flurry of activity as people either ran to their bags or ripped them open. Quickly, Susan Bones pulled out one. "Here!" She said, running it to Remus who gave her a grateful smile.
Remus put the book near Hermione's face and fanned the book in her face.
"What's he doing?" a student asked quietly.
"It's something familiar to her. Sometimes familiar senses help bring someone out of a panic attack," Neville explained quietly.
Remus then took the book and carefully placed it on her lap. "Hermione, you are safe," he reminded her.
The smell and pressure of the book, combined with Remus' soothing reassurance helped bring Hermione back to the present.
Hermione quickly realized how many people were around her and she covered her face and her breathing began to once again speed up.
"You're safe, Hermione," Remus reminded her softly, giving her arm a gentle rub.
The therapist looked back and gave Harry a pointed look, which he understood.
"C'mon, everyone. Let's give her some space."
Luckily, everyone agreed and started to quietly leave.
"Ron, Harry, please stay here," Remus requested, not leaving Hermione's side.
Ron and Harry exchanged a look. The redhead walked over near Remus and Harry helped walk everyone out before heading over to them.
"Hermione, you're alone with Professor Lupin, Ron, and Harry. Is that okay?" Remus asked gently.
Hermione nodded slowly before lowering her hands, revealing a red and tear-stained face. "I'm sorry!" She cried. "I-"
Remus cut her off. "Hermione, I am happy to listen to you. I want to remind you that there is no need to apologize. I also want to make sure that before you say anything, you're safe right now."
Hermione appreciated Remus checking with her. She was quiet, collecting herself before nodding. "I'm safe."
"Good. Then please, continue."
"We were having a study party."
"So I've heard," Remus smirked, thinking of his previous conversations with Harry.
Hermione blushed but continued. "It was going well, but then OWLs were brought up and I became rather overwhelmed."
Remus nodded. "That's okay. School is stressful. Would you like to go to my office to talk about it?"
Hermione sniffed and nodded.
"Lovely. Harry? Ron? Would you take Ms. Granger to my office? I am going to inform her that you three are safe and with me as it is nearing curfew, alright?"
The trio nodded. Remus made sure that Hermione was steady and ready to go to his office and walked with them out of the room and down the hallway where they went their separate ways (temporarily, at least).
Remus was quickly at Minerva's door where he knocked and was allowed entry.
"Remus, is everything alright?" Minerva asked, easily reading his expression.
"I have a student who will probably be out after curfew, but they're with me and have permission."
"What's going on?" Minerva sighed, sitting down.
"It is a particular Gryffindor, who is not Harry, who has been spending a lot of time in my office. I'm going to talk to them about it tonight, but I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to house this student for the next week or so."
Minerva stood up again. "Is it that serious, Remus?"
Remus nodded. "I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't. I can't divulge information about the student but I wanted to gauge your reaction first."
"Of course," Minerva said, not hesitating. "I'll be awake late tonight, and even if I'm not, you know you can always get me, for the student or yourself," she added.
Remus gave her a smile and a peck on the cheek. "Thank you, Mum."
"Certainly. I hope all goes well," She said as she walked Remus to the floo.
"Me too. Love you," Remus said as he flooed to his office.
Harry and Ron were sitting on the couch, trying to console a still-upset Hermione.
"Hello, Hermione. Thank you for waiting," Remus said warmly when he walked into the office.
Hermione was able to give him a small, teary smile.
"Ron, Harry, thank you for staying here until I was able to. Hermione, is it alright if I have a word with them before we chat?"
Hermione nodded, pulling the blanket on her lap close to her.
"I'll only be a moment," Remus reassured her before nodding toward the door.
Ron nodded and turned the doorknob and Harry scratched his shoulder.
Remus allowed the boys to shuffle out and almost shut the door all the way, but put up a silencing charm.
"Thank you both for helping your friend. Can you tell me any more of what happened?" Remus asked.
Ron and Harry explained what happened in a bit more detail and Remus thanked them. "That is helpful, thank you so much. You both are good to go. I will update you on Hermione later. I promise she is safe."
Ron and Harry nodded and they both turned away to leave.
"Harry," Remus said, causing the teen to stop and turn around.
"Yes?"
"I want you to go to our quarters. I want to check in with you later."
Harry let out a breath. "Moony Da! I'm good! Ron and I are just going back to our dorm!"
"While I know you're content with Mr. Weasley, I'd prefer you to be home tonight. We'll check in tomorrow."
"Da!" Harry stomped, putting his hands on his hips.
"It's alright, Mate. I get it. My mum does this too, sometimes. It's annoying, I know. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Ron said, trying to reassure Harry.
Harry shot Remus a dirty look and turned back to his friend. "Thanks, Ron. I guess."
"Now, Harry," Remus said lightly.
Harry groaned before stomping over to the fireplace and flooring away.
"Bye, Professor. Please let me know how Hermione is, okay?" Ron asked before leaving.
"Of course. Take care of yourself, alright?" Remus asked.
Ron smiled and nodded and Remus went back into his office.
"Hermione. How are you feeling, my dear?" Remus asked kindly as he sat down in his armchair.
"Better," Hermione sniffed. "But still worried."
"I understand. What's causing you to worry?"
"OWLs! There's so much to study! I have so much more to learn!" Hermione cried hysterically before hugging the weighted blanket that Harry had gotten for her. She took a shuddering breath and calmed herself down.
"You're safe here, Hermione. OWLs are stressful, absolutely."
Hermione nodded. She continued to talk and Remus listened.
After about 20 minutes, there was quiet and Remus spoke up again.
"Hermione, this is going to seem like a terrible question, but go with it."
Hermione nodded.
"What do you think your tombstone would say, many, many years from now?"
Hermione scoffed at the therapist.
"I know, I know. It's morbid. Just think about what it would say."
"Well," Hermione said after a moment, "I think it would say that I was a loving daughter, friend, and hopefully wife and mother. Maybe it would even say I was a great minister," Hermione added, blushing.
"That's all wonderful. You should be proud," Remus praised.
Hermione blushed and ducked her head again.
"Now, do you think your OWL scores will be on your tombstone? What about your NEWT scores? Something you accomplish at 25?"
Hermione was taken aback before saying, "Well, no."
"I'm not diminishing how important they are or invalidating your feelings. This is a valid thing to worry about and I myself worried about OWLS quite a bit. I just want to remind you that you will accomplish so much in life. There is so much to look forward to. OWLs are not the end-all, be-all. You are a bright young witch and no OWL score can get rid of that."
Hermione was quiet for a minute, letting everything Remus said (and what he didn't say), sink in. "Y-you know, Professor. You're right. I-I am just so worried about it. I mean, you're right, there's more, but I-I can't stop!"
"Shh, you're safe here," Remus reassured her. "And I know that's the case. No one expects you to stop worrying overnight. And some worry is a good thing. We just want to keep you safe."
Hermione smiled at the reassurance. They continued to talk for another 15 minutes before Hermione realized that this couldn't go on forever.
"Professor, wh-what am I going to do tonight?"
Remus gave her a comforting smile. "I am not about to send you out there all by yourself if that's what you're worried about."
Hermione smiled and let out a sigh of relief.
"I am perfectly happy talking to you as long as you want or need, there's no concern about that. I also wanted to talk to you about something else."
Hermione nodded, listening attentively.
"I wanted you to spend the next few nights with someone you trust, someone who makes you feel safe."
"I'm not sure my parents would really understand," Hermione said, twisting her hands.
Remus shook his head. "I'm not talking about your parents."
"Then who?" Hermione questioned.
"Professor McGonagall."
Hermione was visibly surprised. Her face then morphed into one of excitement and comfort and then became visibly upset.
"What's going through your mind, Hermione?" Remus asked gently.
"I-I don't want to bother Professor McGonagall! I mean she's so busy with the end of the year and I'm just an overwhelmed student and-"
"Hermione," Remus said gently, leaning forward in his chair. "Professor McGonagall cares about you quite deeply."
"Really?" Hermione sniffed.
"Really. I know she has helped students before and she loves it. And I know for a fact she has a particular soft spot for you, but don't tell her I said that."
"And you're not just saying that?"
"I promise. I would never lie to you. She cares about her students and would do anything to help them succeed, especially you. She knows how driven you are and I daresay that you remind her of herself when she was young."
"Are you sure she wouldn't mind, Professor? I don't want to be a burden."
"Hermione Granger," Remus began gently, but firmly. "You are not, nor will you ever be a burden. If we didn't want to do it, we wouldn't."
Hermione nodded. "If you're sure."
"I am," Remus said. "Would you like to talk to her with me?"
Hermione nodded.
Remus helped Hermione up and then led her to the floo.
Remus was immediately allowed access to Minerva's quarters. Minerva kept her face neutral when Hermione Granger timidly walked through.
"Hello, Professor," Hermione said quietly.
"Oh, you sweet girl. May I hug you?" Minerva asked.
Hermione nodded, a bit taken aback.
Minerva gave her a hug that could rival Molly Weasley. When she pulled away, she said, "Now, I would love for you to stay here and take care of yourself. I've been worried about you for weeks."
"Professor?" Hermione asked, surprised.
"Please sit, and I'll explain."
Remus sat down next to Minerva and chamomile tea popped up for all of them.
"Now, Ms. Granger, let me explain a few things. It might be easier if I explain it using Harry."
Remus nodded.
"Has Harry ever mentioned his grandparents?"
"Yes. Not often, but he has. It took us until second or third year he was talking about you and Professor Dumbledore," Hermione giggled.
"That sounds about right," Minerva smiled. "We are much more than just our teacher persona. It's a part of us, yes, but there is more to us. We truly do care about our students and sometimes a student stays with us for a period of time. Sometimes it is for their safety, so they can take care of themselves, or for any other reason. Every head and several other professors have done it before. We truly care about you. And Hermione, I can say that you are quite a spectacular young woman who I am rather proud of."
"Really?" Hermione asked, tearing up.
"Really. Now, if you agree to stay here, I wanted to give you a bit of information about the dynamics here. While our relationship would stay the same in the classroom, I would be a bit more-"
Remus cut Minerva off. "Motherly. She'd act like a mother hen. She'd give Molly Weasley a run for her money."
"Remus Lupin!" Minerva hissed, lightly slapping him.
"Child abuse!" Remus gasped.
Minerva rolled her eyes and then lovingly patted his cheek.
Minerva saw Hermione's expression and smiled, saying, "I may have had to raise a few rambunctious Gryffindor boys back in the day."
"I'd argue that you still do with Sirius."
"True," Minerva agreed.
Hermione laughed and Minerva smiled. "It's been a while since I've seen you laugh and smile, Hermione. Even if you don't want to stay with me, I do think it'd be good for you to stay with a professor."
"Oh, you're simply wonderful, Professor! I couldn't ask for anyone else! I just know you're so busy and I don't want to bother you."
"You are not a bother nor will you ever be. It would be my honor to have you stay here."
"Okay, then," Hermione agreed.
"Splendid! Now, would you and Professor Lupin tell me a bit more about how I can help and what I should be aware of?" Minerva asked.
Remus looked at Hermione who nodded and said, "Of course," to give her permission.
Remus went over some things with Minerva and Hermione chimed in. After 10 minutes, all three were satisfied with what Minerva knew.
"Now, Hermione, are you alright with staying here for a few days?" Minerva asked.
"Yes, ma'am."
Minerva nodded and smiled. "Is there anything else you need from Professor Lupin?"
Hermione shook her head but turned to Remus. "Thank you, Professor. I really appreciate it."
"Anytime, Hermione. I am always here to help," Remus said, giving her a warm smile.
"Professor Lupin, we will check in with you in the morning, yes?" Minerva said.
"That sounds great, thank you," Remus, standing up. Minerva walked him to the door and whispered, "I got her, Remus. Thank you."
"Thank you, Mum," Remus whispered back.
Minerva smiled and said, "Now go! I believe you have a son to check on."
Remus smiled and nodded and made his way back to his quarters. While he flooed to Minerva's quarters, he was thankful for the short walk. It allowed him time to slip out of healer mode and reset his mind. He was also able to reassure Ron that Harry and Hermione were safe and cared for.
When he opened the door to the Marauder Quarters, Harry was pacing and Sirius was sitting on the couch trying to talk to him.
"Moony Da!" Harry said, hurrying towards him to hug him.
"Harry," Remus chuckled. "I wasn't gone long. Are you okay?"
"Yes! But I knew I faked that fit and I felt so bad!"
"Oh, Love," Remus said, giving Harry a tight squeeze. Remus kissed Harry's head and was momentarily transported to many years previously.
"Moony Da," 7-year-old Harry piped up quietly. Remus was helping Harry pack a bag to spend the night at Ron's house. They've been working so hard to get to this point, but Harry was still nervous. He's only spent the night with Albus and Minerva and that was during full moons (and Harry was almost always asleep by then, anyway).
"Yes, Cub?" Remus looked up from the bag.
"What if I don't want to spend the night when you come and bring me my potion at night? Wh-what can I do?"
Remus could smell the nerves coming off of Harry. He abandoned the bag and went over to Harry and picked him up. He sat down in the chair in Harry's room and put him on his lap.
"Harry, you don't have to spend the night if you don't want to."
"I do!" Harry insisted quickly. "But sometimes that changes at night."
Remus nodded. "Of course. I understand that. If you don't want to spend the night, that's perfectly fine. Just let me know."
"But I don't want to hurt their feelings!" Harry insisted. "They're being so kind and I don't want them to be mad at me!"
"Harry, they won't be mad at you. They understand that it can be hard to spend the night away from home. I appreciate your concern about their feelings. They will love you whether you stay there or not."
Harry shifted uncomfortably in Remus' lap, clearly disagreeing with what he just said.
Remus bit back a sigh and calmly said, "Harry, you are a good boy. You are loved. You do not have to make other people happy all the time. You are enough just as you are."
"I am enough just as I am," Harry whispered back, hoping to believe it.
"Yes you are," Remus said, giving him a squeeze.
"But Moony Da, I still don't want to upset them. How can I tell you I don't want to stay without making it so they know?" Harry asked.
"Hmm," Remus thought, lovingly stroking Harry's arm. After a moment, Remus had an idea. "What about this?" Remus said, moving Harry off of his lap so they could see each other clearly. "If you want to be with me, scratch your shoulder."
"Like a monkey?" Harry asked, his nose wrinkled.
"That's your armpit, silly," Remus said, tickling Harry.
"You shoulder," Remus amended Harry's comment, bringing his little arm up to his shoulder.
"And if I scratch this, you'll know I don't want to spend the night?"
"Yes. I will make up an excuse and you can come home. That way, no feelings will be hurt."
"And excuse like Dadfoot's hand getting caught in the cookie jar?" Harry asked innocently.
"ONE TIME!" Sirius cried from the hallway, poking his head in. "That happened ONE TIME!"
Remus and Harry collapsed into giggles and Remus scooped Harry up and once again held him close. "You are safe, Harry. I love you so much."
"I love you too," Harry said, nuzzling into Remus' chest.
While Harry did not scratch his shoulder that night, he did another time. Remus remembered their discussion and Harry was brought back home, much to his relief. Ever since then, Harry would scratch his shoulder when he needed to be alone with either of his parents or didn't want to spend the night somewhere. Harry used it sparingly and he hadn't used it in so long that he wasn't sure Remus would remember.
"I remembered the shoulder scratch. I will do anything to make sure you feel safe."
"That's the problem, Moony Da," Harry sniffed into Remus' shirt.
"What is?" Remus asked, concerned.
"Feeling safe!" Harry cried, pulling away. "I wanted to be with you and feel safe, and Hermione is feeling anything but right now! I feel so guilty," Harry admitted, slumping on the couch.
Sirius was on the couch, but got up and allowed Remus to take his spot. He could handle it, but Remus the therapist was slightly better equipped. Besides, he had comforted Harry while Remus was busy. He was more than happy to watch the master at work.
"Harry, I want you to look at me," Remus said firmly, but kindly.
Harry looked up into the face of his godmother.
"There is nothing, nothing, selfish about wanting to feel safe. It is a basic human need. In fact, our bodies are programmed and made to feel safe. It's in our great design. You are not selfish for wanting to feel safe. You are human."
"But she doesn't feel safe and I was okay but I wanted to feel safe."
"Harry, Hermione is safe right now. She feels better and is safe, do you understand?"
Harry nodded.
"You deserve to feel safe, too. I heard you did a nice job helping her until I came."
Harry ducked his head, breaking eye contact. "I did my best. It wasn't like you or anything, but I tried."
"And I know you helped her. You did wonderfully. I am proud of you."
Harry blushed and Remus brought his eyes to meet his own. "I am proud of you."
"Thanks, Da," Harry mumbled.
"Harry," Sirius spoke up.
"Yes?"
"Does anyone else have to deal with Voldemort trying to come after them?"
"No," Harry admitted.
"You worry about that; I know you do. You are allowed to want to feel safe. You are allowed to feel safe. It's not often you do. Allow yourself this typical emotion."
Harry took a deep breath and released it. "Okay."
"That's our son," Remus said, rubbing Harry's back.
"How can we help?" Sirius asked kindly.
"I-I just want to be with you both right now, if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay. Would you like to talk, rest, or do something?"
"Can we do something? Then maybe rest?"
"Certainly," Remus replied, smiling. "Maybe a game?"
Harry nodded. They played a game of exploding snap before Remus and Sirius were able to coax Harry into their bed.
"I'm okay, really," Harry protested weakly as Remus and Sirius tucked him in.
"Just do it for us, okay?" Sirius asked.
Harry nodded and reached over to grab Sirius' hand.
Remus slipped out of the bedroom, smiling. He was able to clean up their quarters and get things ready for the next day before slipping back into bed with his two favorite boys. There might be a lot going on, and not all of it was good, but this certainly is.
Alternatives to harming yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
(If you would like a particular country listed, feel free to comment or dm me)