A/N: For the third time, I apologize for posting such a short chapter. But it keeps the story moving and after months of writer's block, this definitely feels better than nothing. Consider this a little breather before things take a very uncomfortable turn in chapter 13.

…

CHAPTER 12

"Liv-" Nick says after a while. "Did you hear what I said?"

She did. She did hear him, loud and clear. And yet, she still needs a moment to process the information she was just given.

"Makes me think it could've been me."

Amanda said that. Weeks ago, when they were just starting their investigation. And standing here now, she hears those words again, again, again. Amanda's voice so clear in her head that she might as well be standing two feet away.

"Makes me think it could've been me."

Is it? Is that what's happening now?

In an attempt to think, to figure out what their next step should be, she closes her eyes. But that's when, suddenly, she sees Christine Baker's body, lifeless on Melinda Warner's table. Burns covering most of her skin, something dreadful lingering around her, like a haunted aura. But, it's not Christine. Not really. Because she has Amanda's face. Half of it unrecognizable, eaten and swallowed by flames.

"They're raping them."

And now she wants to throw up.

"It could've been me."

"Liv-" Nick says again, moving closer, interrupting the irrational and incoherent journey that her mind has taken in the last few minutes. Pulling her back to reality, and reminding her that she does not have the luxury of freaking out.

Distance, she thinks. I need distance.

Detective Rollins is a colleague. A fellow cop.

In this moment, Amanda is just that and nothing more.

So she blinks, and nods slowly and then a little faster as she goes through their options. And how she can get herself inside of that prison as soon as humanly possible.

"Call Cragen." She finally says. "And wait here."

…

There's a constant tremble in her hands as she gets dressed, her fingers not cooperating when she tries to button her jeans, or when she pulls her sleep tousled hair back in a ponytail.

She can hear Nick's voice in her living room, and for a moment, a single reckless moment, she regrets telling him to call their captain. Because it simply doesn't feel like they have that kind of time right now.

Her gut, the one she has learned to trust and follow for years now, is screaming at her, telling her to forget all about protocol and bureaucracy, and her own safety. She wants to get in her car, storm the gates of Bayview, and not give up until Amanda is safe in her arms.

But for some reason, she also knows that she can't act alone in this. For some reason, she knows that they're up against something she just can't face on her own. Just like she doesn't have the luxury of freaking out, neither does she have the luxury of being reckless. And with that in mind, she moves.

"He's calling the warden now." Nick explains when Olivia joins him in the living room again. Badge clipped and gun ready. "Wanted us to meet him in his office."

"Good." She breathes. "And you can tell me everything on our way there."

…

And so, he does. He tells her how he was supposed to meet Amanda in the laundry room to warn her. That based on what he could gather from Pike's conversation with Gray, she might be in trouble. He only caught parts of it, but it was enough for him to suspect that Eric Gray isn't the harmless C.O. they've made him out to be.

He tells her how, when he came in for his shift, Amanda was already gone. And Olivia spends a minute cursing Cragen for not listening to her when she argued that Nick wouldn't be able to protect Amanda 24/7.

It's only when she registers the guilt on Nick's face that she stops talking, realizing that blame won't help anyone. Blame won't save her.

And then he continues. He tells her about the explanation he got when he asked for "inmate Irwin". That Amanda had attacked Pike for no reason, unprovoked. An obvious lie easily and quickly debunked by her cell mate MJ, once he finally had the chance to talk to her alone.

"She saved me." MJ had told him, avoiding his eyes, clearly not sure if she could trust him or not.

"Amanda protected her." Olivia mumbles, more to herself than him.

She swallows the growing lump in her throat, suddenly overwhelmed by this strange urge to tell Nick how she feels about the blonde. She wants to tell him, her new partner, a man she barely knows, that Amanda is more than a colleague, more than a friend. She wants to cry and tell him about the kiss and how it changed her and how she's feeling so many things. How scared she is right now.

But, obviously, she does not.

Oblivious to her inner turmoil, or at least the full extent of her worries, Nick speaks instead.

"MJ is just a kid." He says, his voice laced with melancholy.

"So what happened after you talked to her?" She asks, pushing herself back into a state of focus.

He clears his throat before returning to his story, explaining how when he went to inform the warden, a quiet and reserved man named Miller, the only person at Bayview to know about Nick and Amanda's true identity, he was initially given a quick reassurance.

"I'll sort this out right away." Miller said, picking up his phone.

But that's when all hell broke loose, Nick tells her. The alarms went off, all over the prison, and seconds later a voice on the intercom informed them that a fight had broken out in the main yard.

Putting the phone back down, the warden got up from his chair quickly, nodding towards the door. "All hands on deck."

"But Rollins-" Nick protested, and now, as he's retelling the story, Olivia can see that it's eating him up. That he feels as if he failed Amanda when she needed him the most.

"I tried." He continues. "But it was like Miller wouldn't listen. He kept telling me that she'd be fine. That we'd get her out as soon as the situation was taken care of."

She wants to tell him that it wasn't his fault. That this was just a series of unfortunate events, many of them he couldn't have foreseen. She knows, on a professional level, that him going to find her himself, might've put both of them in even more danger. That outing them as undercover cops might lead them into more trouble than Amanda is in now. She knows that, and she wants to tell him, comfort him.

But for some reason, she stays quiet.

Something, something, feels so off here. But what?

"I came to your place as soon as possible." He says. "I mean, maybe she's back now, maybe I'm overreacting-"

"No." She interrupts him, more harshly than intended. And then, before exiting the car, she turns so their eyes can finally meet. "I don't think you're overreacting. I think something is very, very wrong."

…

"Thought I told you to take the day off." Cragen mumbles as soon as they step into his office, already occupied by Fin and Munch.

"What did the warden say?" She asks, impatiently, ignoring his comment and pointed look. And like she expected, he lets it go. With a formal nod they seem to agree on this; He can scold her later, when Amanda is safe.

"That's the thing-" He answers, breathing out a sigh that does nothing to lessen her worry. "I can't reach him."

"What?" Nick asks, staring at the captain before locking eyes with Olivia.

"Reached his secretary-" The captain explains. "And she said that he left his office an hour ago. Said something about a meeting, that he'd be back soon."

"Cap-" She starts, hating how pleading her voice suddenly sounds, noticing but choosing to disregard the way Munch glances at her, a hint of a question in his eyes.

Holding up his hand, Cragen stops her. "I'm thinking."

Think fucking faster, she wants to say then, or rather yell, chewing down on her lip to remain still and silent. The professional distance that she's been trying so hard to place between herself and Amanda ever since Nick gave her the news, now reduced to practically nothing.

She simply cares too much, and right now, she doesn't have the will nor the energy to fight it. It is what it is. And while she might not be free to admit that to anyone else, she can at least admit it to herself; She cares. Deeply. And it might be confusing as hell, and frustrating, but it is as simple as that. She cares.

Her flickering eyes land on Christine's notebook then.

It's been passed around regularly since making its way from their victim's home to the squad room. Everyone reading through it meticulously, in hopes of discovering something new, something that might help them.

And now, it's back here on their captain's desk, as a cruel reminder of what they are up against; What their predator is capable of. The same predator that is now, probably, holding Amanda's fate in his vicious hands.

Just as much is it a reminder of that night in Amanda's apartment. And how she wishes, with her entire being, that she could go back. She knows now, that she wouldn't have walked away. She would've stayed in the safety of Amanda's presence, and kissed her.

Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything at all, maybe all of this was inevitable. But standing here, Amanda's future suddenly so unsure, every missed moment with her feels like a major loss.

"Go in." Cragen finally says, and only then does she realize that tears have gathered in her eyes, forcing her to blink and hold them back.

"Don't we need a warrant?" Fin asks, and she has to stop herself from glaring in his direction.

"Our detective might be in danger." The captain responds, his tone decisive. "That's reason enough. I'll deal with the consequences later."