So. No one quite reacted to the last chapter's news, but I'm still going on. You never know :D

When I came to, I was lying on the bed with a very bad aftertaste in my mouth. Call it emotional shock, weakness or any other shit, I was very pissed that the strong woman had given way to a wimp. If that was the price to pay, I wasn't near ready to accept it.

Galen's face came into focus; his hand warming mine, his eyes watching me with a worried frown. "Let me guess", I growled. "I fainted like a doll."

His lips quirked, and despite my rolling stomach, I couldn't help but enjoy how this private expression brightened his face. That man had wound his way into my heart so easily that I wondered how I could have worshipped him. He wasn't an idol anymore, just a man, with a brilliant mind and a beautiful smile. He couldn't have been further than what I imagined; he created feelings, and gave his affection so easily.

A pacifist.

A man who loved… his deceased wife. "How are you feeling ?", he asked. And I closed my eyes to avoid tears from spilling from my eyes. The question brought my musings to a halt as the horror of my situation dawned.

Pregnant.

"I'm not ready for this. I will never be ready for this. I can't do it." His face fell, faint eyebrows knitting together. "What do you want to do, Elya ?" My voice wavered. "I … I could go to Krennic and tell him that I messed up. That you don't know... it is early enough not to have…"

I couldn't say it. Abortion. This seemed like the only safe option here, except that I would lose my credibility… would death be forthcoming ? Galen's face seemed to pale at my words, and he dropped my hand to settle it in his lap. My keen eyes couldn't help but remark how they trembled. Yet, his voice was composed, emotionless as he answered.

"If that is your wish."

My wish ? My fuck… wish !

"What would you have me do, Galen ?", I exploded in anger, straightening on the bed. My head swam, and my stomach heaved once more. "I need a glass of water", I grumbled, ashamed at my outburst. Is that what pregnant women did ? Yell and whine without an ounce of control over their emotions ? It couldn't be me, I couldn't become … THIS ! I'd never be the plump woman, smile upon her lips, cradling her belly in the sunlight… by the sea ? Couldn't I ?

Galen stood and retrieved a glass of water from the fresher, his footsteps slow on the duracrete. I brushed his warm hand to get the recipient, and downed a mouthful, then another, my gaze lost. "Elya." A tear rolled down my cheek, causing my disgust to flare. "Yes", I murmured.

"Elya look at me." My lips pursed, eyebrows knitting in anguish. But I found the courage to meet his gaze, and was surprised to find understanding. At least, he didn't judge me. "What do you want me to do, Galen ?", I murmured brokenly.

"What I want ?" I nodded, and my body started to shake nervously. My lover's hand reached for my head, and he kissed my brow tenderly. When he pulled back, I could see the light dancing in his eyes. "I want for us to be a family. To live in peace, far away from the empire. The four of us."

My eyebrows furrowed. "What ? With me ?" To his credit, he didn't laugh at my stupidity. Instead, I just watched that flash of uncertainty before he nodded, his features open for me to read. "You. Jyn and our baby."

Our baby. I was carrying his child. Our child. Nurturing it, creating it, cell by cell.

His statement stunned me into silence, and he took the time to explain his vision, for he had caught that I had trouble believing him. "The timing is pretty bad, but Jyn was born while I was in jail, so I am used to difficult circumstances. We are still a primitive species after all." I shook my head at the image, but his fingers laced through mine, grounding me here, with him.

"I don't understand, Galen." He pulled our hands up, and kissed my knuckles tenderly, his gaze never leaving mine. "Love tends to call children into this world, so I shouldn't be so surprised."

"What ?", I stuttered. Galen gestured to my stomach. "This child was conceived out of love Elya. I want him in my life." This time, the words seemed to register in my mind, except that I couldn't believe them. He wanted it ? Wanted this child ? But most importantly…

"Love, Galen ?"

There was not a breath of hesitation when he nodded. "Yes, didn't you know ?" The enormity of his admittance hit me so strongly that I had trouble breathing. "No. I had no idea you felt that way", I stuttered. Silence. Galen's head tilted to the ground, his features so sad that my heart twitched. Did he think I didn't return his affection ? Did I, truly, love him ? My mind went in panic mode at once. I had no idea, at this stage, about that strange emotion that overflowed and took precedence over my brain whenever I looked at him. Was this love ?

"I didn't think you could … allow yourself to love again", I added to soften the blow. Behind the loose strands of brownish hair, a set of amber eyes peeked at me. "I'm struggling with my guilt, but there's nothing I can do against it. I love you, even if I didn't think it could happen. And I'm glad that I can recognise it, this time." He shifted then, sitting on the bed beside me, wrapping his long arm over my shoulders in a gesture of comfort. His mind seemed to drift then, reminiscing about times past and his former life.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you. I have forgotten how clueless l was when Lyra approached me the first time." My eyes fell in my lap, suddenly finding the lines of his hand pretty interesting. Lyra's name always called for guilt and regret… She loomed over me like the ultimate failure, the beacon that showed me how misguided, how blinded I was at the time of her death.

"It pains you." I blinked out of my self-induced haze. "What ?" "When l talk of Lyra. You freeze and you guard your expression." Did I ? Neutral feature had been my friend for so many years, a defense mechanism, perhaps, to shield myself from the world, that I didn't even realise it anymore. "I just don't know what I feel."

"Possibly a lot of mixed feelings. Jealousy, perhaps." I nearly jumped from the bed then, the only thing keeping me was the arm over my shoulder. I was so exhausted, it felt so good to be in his arms. But I couldn't accept such a despicable think as jealousy to enter my life. Yet… "No! No… ?"

My eyebrows scrunched as I interrogated him. Galen's eyes, warm, caressed my face with such acceptance that it floored me. "Elya, it is nothing to be ashamed of", he said. "Lyra is part of my past, but l shouldn't refer to her so often. She is the first woman l loved. It felt foreign, my thoughts kept wandering to her. She was like a magnet and me, hopeless iron."

The image caused my lips to quirk. It spoke to me more than I imagined, for my gaze always returned to him now. I'd noticed how helpless I was to concentrate on something else when he was around. Is that what love was ? "I get what you mean. I watch you when you are here, and when you are not, l look for you as if something isn't right."

His sharp features softened at my admittance. I wasn't ready at all to get into this 'love' business, despite what people might think of us in the lab. I had little insight about how our teammates viewed us; they feared me enough not to speak in my presence. It unsettled me. I wasn't in control, and there was little I could do about it. Krennic had probably more cards than I, the prime subject. Yet… I had thrown myself face first in this lie, setting up the rumour, only to ensnare myself in the trap. I cared about Galen Erso more than I should.

I respected the scientist. Admired him, even. Could I love the man ?

My companion probably knew my confession was the closest he would get when it came to feelings, for he offered a piece of his thoughts to appease me. "Yes. It is overwhelming. And children are another story altogether." My heartrate picked up, full blown panic starting to creep in again. "I can't do it. I'm not ready."

The anxiety of my voice caused Galen to shift. His warm hands came to rest on either side of my face, cupping my cheeks with his unwavering support. "Neither am I. Neither was I the first time. But we'll make do."

"How ? How can it possibly be alright ? I'm diminished, and will show in a few months, and Krennic will have my neck and…"

Galen brought me against him, hugging me close. A sturdy frame, strong arms, and an even stronger will. Those who thought Erso a helpless wimp, a great teddy bear whose mind was lost in science would never know what hit them. He was my beacon in this mad world, and didn't waver. I took a harsh breath, trying to ease the tight knot that constricted my chest until Galen's rumbling voice reached my ears.

"I all but abandoned Jyn out there in hopes to keep her safe, and now she's fighting. And you, and our baby are stuck under the thumb of the empire." His frame stiffened, his arms dropping from around me as he stood. I mourned the loss of his presence at once, watching as he started pacing on the duracreete floor. How selfish I had been! My self-pity fest had caused him to wash me with reassurance and love… but who would keep him aloft ? He, that had lost so much already ?

Our baby. Those two words settled deep in my heart, lighting up a little flame. While the scientist, my lover, my friend, my everything rambled about the risks and the implications of this new situation, my mind kept returning to the concept. Our baby. There was a life growing inside of me. A new life, made of me… and him. We'd mingled our blood, our essence, our mind to create another human being. Wow.

"Galen."

He was long gone in his planning already, linking too many elements for me to follow, his mind in overdrive. "Galen !" Amber eyes settled on me, focusing to acknowledge my presence. I grabbed his hand, and squeezed it gently. "I'm terrified. But we'll sort it out together." A great sigh caused his shoulders to drop as he knelt. "I have two children to look after. I don't know if l will be up to the task."

"There's two of us. I will help you. Here, now, and with Jyn later on." I barely registered that I was speaking of commitment. Of taking care of another child that wasn't mine, or becoming a mother figure. Right now, I only cared to lessen the immense burden on Galen's shoulders. And his eyes, flashing grey in the artificial light, opened wide. Would Jyn accept me after what had happened ? If she had inherited half the spirit of her dead mother, it doubted it. But it was worth a try.

Galen nodded once, his mind already running charts and lists. An idea popped in my mind. "Perhaps…?" No. I hated it. It was the worse idea ever. "What did you have in mind, Elya ?" My name felt like a waterfall of warm words sliding over smoothed rocks. "I don't think I'll have the strength for my idea", I sighed, passing a weary hand over my eyes. "Tell me", he murmured, squeezing my hand harder.

"Perhaps we should pretend not to see each other again. A dispute of sorts ?" The full implications settled upon his face at once, and I once more marveled at his quick thinking. "Yes, it would protect you from suspicion."

I should have hated him for saying so. There was nothing I wanted less than to revert to solitude right now, especially in my condition. I needed his support more than ever, and if he stopped visiting my quarters… I shivered. Galen stood, his usual mask freezing his features into the cold man I'd once thought he was.

"That might be a cover if you're feeling sick. People will think you are angry and sad and I can revert to isolating myself."

Yey. Peachy. Freedom, here I come.

My face fell in anticipation of that forced separation. "They won't be far off the mark", I whispered. "I've become used to having you." … in my life, actually. I needed to cheer up, else I would never be able to put this ploy into fruition. "Don't expect me to take anyone else in my bed", I quipped. Galen's eyes flashed dangerously before his lips quirked in a smirk. "I would be very upset if you did."

This very morning, we staged a massive row in my quarters, with Galen leaving in a flourish, stomping all the way to his own room. Enough to keep rumours going, I guess. The weeks ahead seemed so bleak. Bodhi was our prime plan, our only way out provided I could convince him to help. And he wasn't due back for a couple of months… It would be a close call. As I swished my door closed, my hand fell to my lower abdomen.

We were screwed, big time.