-The Things We Think But Do Not Say-
As Jill watched his profile stare into the burning night, she knew it was never meant to be that simple. Never. When the day was saved, and the battle won…what would be left in him for her? Would he roll to face her in the middle of the night and regret? Would he roll to face her in the middle of the night…and see Ada Wong there beside him?
She'd known him four days.
Could she really hope to keep him forever?
And she knew she had to say it. They had to say it out loud. It was the only way to put it behind them.
She whispered, "You thought she was dead. She isn't dead. She's here. She's here for you."
He turned his gaze to her. His hair slid into one eye; the other studied Jill with a kind of dissection she'd never felt from him. It was cold. And clinical. And calculating. Like she was something he was trying to learn and understand.
He said quietly, "It doesn't matter, Jill."
And now she laughed, softly, so softly. And pain speared into her chest and stole her breath. "She's more than nothing to you, Leon. She's more than that. Tell me I'm wrong."
He shook his head, holding her gaze. "It doesn't matter, Jill. Don't make it something it isn't."
That wasn't an answer.
A little niggle of fear wormed around in her belly. And she whispered, "You have feelings for her…don't you?"
And now he turned toward her. He put his hand out, and Jill took a step back from him. She watched the shock of that echo on his face. "Jill…I'm telling you to leave it alone. You're wrong here."
She shook her head, making a slight sound. "I don't think I am. She matters. She matters to you. She matters. Don't stand there and lie to me about it. Don't. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me she doesn't matter."
He shook his head, "Does any of this matter? There's a lifetime of matters here, Jill. It doesn't change anything about you and me. Give me your hand."
His was soaked in blood. She looked at it. She glanced back at his face. It was Simmons's blood on his hands. He'd beat Derek Simmons to death for her. She could damn well hold his hand.
She slid her palm into his, and that blood smeared between them.
Jill said softly, "I don't know if I can compete with a lifetime of regret, Leon."
He opened his mouth, and the world exploded around them.
The building beside them erupted in flame and screaming metal. It kicked the elevator. They were out to the side to swing like a pendulum over the endless drop to nothing. The glass shattered from the impact, tinkling and tumbling into the dark. The rush of heat from the fire burning in the street beneath them stole the breath and cloyed the lungs.
The elevator swung out in a semi-circle, propelled away from the exploded wall with the force of the blast.
The cable attached to the elevator squealed and threatened to snap. Leon grabbed Ben from Helena and threw him up onto his back. "Hold on!"
They had no choice now. No choice.
They all jumped as the elevator cable snapped with a whipping cry of ruptured steel. The elevator plummeted into the hungry fire below. They were all suspended and flying in the air now like mad superheroes. Like fools. Like desperate souls trying not to tumble into the flames and burn away.
Helena caught the adjacent elevator cable and swung around, clinging for dear life.
Jill hit the roof of the elevator and rolled.
Leon grabbed the cable beneath Helena and held on.
They all dangled. They all breathed.
And the elevator where Jill crouched groaned.
She leaped up, Leon threw a hand down to grab her, and the elevator broke away beneath her with a surrendering squeal of snapping steel.
He grunted and jerked, tossing Jill up in the air like the world's worst game of leapfrog. She grappled for the cable and clung, climbing.
They climbed in grasping desperation.
Hand over hand, foot over foot. The trek was slow and arduous.
Around them, walkways and breezeways collapsed, burned, and tumbled into the abyss. Buildings kept collapsing. The city was burning around them. They had to get out. They had to get away. Or they'd die roasting in flames.
Helena reached the top first. She put her hands down and pulled Jill up. Jill reached down for Ben. Leon closed the final distance, and Helena made a sound of surprise.
"Leon!"
He turned his head over his shoulder. Simmons…Simmons was on the walkway beneath them. He let out a roar and burst from his flesh to become the horrible thing they'd fought on the train. He raced toward the building where they climbed. The monster roared his commitment to Leon's demise with an echo of madness, "KENNNNEDDDDY!"
He made it halfway across the walkway, and something unique happened. He was no longer the only one on it.
Ada Wong swung down from somewhere and dropped. She landed on the walkway in front of Simmons. And she put two bolts right into his monstrous charging face.
Simmons spun out and knocked her away. She rolled and smashed into the wall. She was still, and the wind whipped the red of her shirt around her back where she lay on her face.
Simmons reverted to his mortal form and started strolling across the skyway toward her.
Leon glanced up above him. Jill stood there in the flicking light. Her face was calm. Her face was empty. But her eyes? They were full of so many things.
She said softly, "Go. She needs you. It's ok. Go."
He held her gaze. His hair whipped in the wind. And then he pushed off the wall and plummeted to the skyway beneath him.
Ben let out a shout of fear, "Leon!"
Leon landed, rolled, and grabbed Ada. He flipped her over into the curve of his arm. She was breathing but unconscious.
He rolled his shoulders and aimed down the line of his arm as Simmons paced toward them. He shouted, "KENNEDY! GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER! YOU AREN'T HALF THE MAN SHE NEEDS!"
Leon urged gently, "Ada…Ada…this would be a perfect time to wake up. Come on. Not like this. This is the least spectacular way to go. Don't let Simmons rob you of a big dramatic death scene here, Wong. Wake up!"
"Kennedy! I'll shove your head up your ass and fuck you to death with it!"
An interesting image. Leon tried not to laugh. It was the least promising thing anyone had said to him, ever. "Simmons, that's the only fucking you'll probably ever get! You're not getting it from Ada; I can promise you that. Take a hint, guy, she ain't interested!"
He fired into Derek Simmon's stupid face.
The bullet spun him to the side and sent him to his face on the walkway.
Leon jiggled Ada in his arm. "Ada…wake up. Come on now. Wake up. You can't let this be how you die. It's comic. You want to survive Raccoon City to die fucked to death by a mutated dinosaur!? Open your eyes!"
Simmons burst from his flesh into the horrible thing from the train again. He roared, pawing the metal and glass like a bull preparing to charge. He tossed his head, and his back split. The bony protrusions extended and started glowing.
And Leon could hear Ben screaming for him.
He rolled his back over, hunkering around Ada. He grabbed a broken piece of metal from the ground beside him and threw it up in front of them like a shield. He covered her and prayed.
The flying pieces of bones smacked into the metal, squealing, sparking. The world was loud like a storm on a tin roof. Leon ducked his face down to take shelter from it.
And he realized Ada was awake.
She watched him from inches away.
She said softly, "I was just resting my eyes."
He answered quietly, holding their shield against the assault beyond them. "Helluva, time to take a nap."
Ada smirked a little and lifted her hand. She touched his face. And there was something there that shivered between them. She said, "You protected me."
"I have a tendency to save the girl."
"You do…big hero." He had a second to move away…and he didn't. She curled her fingers into his vest and drew him down. She kissed him softly, eyes open. He let her, watching her with curious eyes. He didn't kiss her back. But he didn't stop her either.
Ada smirked and said, "My hero."
The assault was over. The world was quiet again.
Leon let her go, and she rolled to her feet.
They turned back to face Simmons together.
Simmons barreled toward them, roaring.
They split apart and started firing on him. He ducked, he rolled, he reversed, and pawed the ground. He raced. He roared.
Leon's Magnum ran dry, and he holstered it, spilling his knife into his hand.
Ada leaped and rolled, missing a swipe from Simmon's brutal claws. She laughed a little and grabbed Leon's hand to jerk him out of the ensuing stampede.
"You tell her about me!?"Ada shouted about the roar of Simmons's rage.
Leon shook his head and laughed. "Not really the time for that, is it?"
"Why not? Could be dead any minute! No time better!"
Simmons spilled back into his human form as she dispatched a bolt from her crossbow right into his roaring face. He spun out as he went down and tossed the two of them around like toys.
Ada went up and out to slide along the ground.
Leon was tossed right off the walkway. He grabbed for the ledge and clung.
Simmons emerged above him, laughing. He could hear Ben screaming in the distance. Leon started to climb up, and Simmons stepped on his fingers, grinding with his booted foot.
Leon cried out, clinging. The pain shot from fingers to elbows to shoulders.
"Kennedy…you fool. You coward. She is mine. I will watch you scream while you die."
Leon ground out between his teeth, spitting the words at him. "You first…you fucking disgrace."
"Do you want to live? Do you?!" Simmons ground his fingers harder, and Leon couldn't stop the shout of pain. "Then beg! Beg, you bastard, plead and whine and cry and beg for your life!"
He kicked one of Leon's hands so hard it was thrown off the ledge. Leon dangled by one hand now. So, this is how he went down, plummeting into the flames courtesy of the man who'd fucked up his whole world. Some hero.
And Leon spit at him, "I think I'll pass. Simmons? Blow it out your ass."
"Then die like the fool you are!"
He lifted his boot to kick Leon's final grip away.
And Ada was suddenly there. She laughed, loud and bright. "You always were a fucking idiot, Simmons. Haven't you figured it out yet? The Rolling Stones said it best…." She drove the bolt in her hand into his side and gripped it like a handle. He roared, gasping and jerking in her grasp. She wrapped her hand in his belt and grinned, "You can't always get what you want. Let's call this closure. You really should learn to move on when a lady says no."
And she leaped.
She leaped off the walkway and let go of Simmons.
He plummeted, shrieking, spinning, end over end into the flames below.
Ada followed him, rushing.
And then she fired off the grapple gun in her hand. It hissed, whizzed, and whisked her to the other side of the abyss.
She rolled through the landing and turned back to face him as he climbed onto the walkway.
They stared at each other in the flickering shadows of the world on fire.
He murmured quietly, "What are you? Why are you helping me?"
His communicator jingled, surprising him. He lifted it, flicking open the screen. He read it while he watched her across the fiery street.
Leon – Love to stay longer. But duty calls. I've left you a little parting gift on the roof. Try not to crash this one, won't you? Who will be my white knight if you die because you can't drive worth a damn? If you ever tire of playing house with the girl and the kid, you know where to find me. See you down the road.
He shouted across the divide at her. "Ada!"
But she was already saucily walking away into the shadows. She blew him a kiss and was gone.
Leon shook his head. He glanced up the long length of the building.
Jill stood in the shivering wind, watching him. She whispered, "What are you waiting for? Go after her."
And it broke her heart to say it. She wondered if he could hear it somehow…on the wind.
He didn't. He hurried back toward the building and climbed up the cable.
Ben pulled him up and threw himself into his arms. He was shaking and clinging. He was so scared. He whispered, "You p'omised your Mom you'd save girls. You p'omised."
Leon held on, stroking his hair. "Yeah, I did. I promised."
"….I wish you'd lied."
Leon felt his heart stutter. "Ben…buddy. I'm ok. I'm alright."
"You almost died." Ben sniffled a little. "You almost died. If you die…." And now his little voice was so, so, so quiet. Leon almost couldn't hear him when he breathed, "…If you die, Leon….who will help me take care of Ben, the Bear?"
Leon rose, holding him so tight that it made the boy squirm. But not to get away…to get closer. And he put his face against that little neck and breathed him in.
"I promised I wouldn't die on you. Remember?"
Ben made a slight nod.
"Don't I always keep my promises?"
And now Ben sniffled again. "You do…don't forget, ok? Don't forget."
"I won't ever forget, pal. I swear."
They picked their way through the rubble of what was left of the building. They moved up the small staircase that would take them to the roof together. Ben clung, keeping his bad arm clear of too much pressure.
Leon didn't like Jill's silence. It was ripe with something that scared him. He glanced at her profile as they moved. She kept looking forward. Ben had fallen asleep in his arms.
He said, "Ben's wrist is broken. We need to get someplace fairly quick to set it."
Jill nodded as they exited the fire escape and emerged onto the roof. The rain was kicking up again. The wind swirled like mad here.
It tossed her hair around like a blonde storm.
It tossed his as well. And Helena laughed a little. "Jesus. Talk about wind! Nothing like a skyscraper to remind you wind is worse at high altitudes."
She glanced between their faces and pursed her lips. Sensing the need for a little alone time there, she took Ben in her arms and moved toward the chopper that waited on the helipad across the roof. Clearly, Ada had left them an escape route.
Bless her.
Helena liked Ada. She was rad. And she was always a step ahead of them.
She got the impression Jill did not like Ada. Who could blame her? The other woman looked at Leon like he was something to eat. Admittedly, that was to be expected. Leon was scrumptious. That hair. That face. And the body? Seriously?
Coughing, Helena smirked at herself and rested the sleeping Ben in her lap on the chopper, waiting.
The rain peppered their faces as they walked.
A rumble of thunder echoed in the distance.
Leon grabbed her arm and stopped her. "Look at me."
She didn't. She looked forward. She watched the inky clouds swirl and roll on the horizon. Lightning flickered between them, offering light amongst the dark.
The rain picked up, turning to a smooth drizzle.
"God damnit, Jill, I said look at me!" And now he spun her back to face him. His voice was so angry. It was echoed on his face.
She didn't look angry. She looked sad. And he hated it.
"What do you want me to say here? Huh? What? Tell me, I'll say it!"
Jill shook her head and tugged her arm away. "There's no need. You don't owe me an explanation here, Leon. You've been incredibly honest about her from the start. You said you chased her around for years. I get it. She's not just some lay. She matters. I get it."
Leon darted his eyes over her face. "Like Chris matters?"
Oh.
Thunder rumbled again. It grumbled like an angry old man.
Jill lifted her brows at him. "What?"
"He grabbed you back there. Let's not play games here. You might be done, but him? He ain't done, honey. He's in love with you. Still. Tell me you don't see that."
Jill studied his face, and something fluttered in her belly. She liked it, she realized. She liked him jealous. It warmed her blood.
"So what? That's his problem. He's my best friend. That's it. That's all. I never lied about him. And I can't be blamed for what he's feeling. You can't punish me for that. It's not fair."
Leon tilted his head, studying her. The rain was now a steady downpour.
He shot a hand through his hair, pushing it off his face. And her belly trembled. You thought it was the hair when you first met him. It wasn't. The hair was a smoke screen. It was a blind. It was a red herring. It was the face. His face. He was painfully gorgeous. Would she ever tire of looking at him?
"Why not? You clearly do, about Ada."
Jill shifted, shaking her head. "No. It's not the same. Not even close. I'm over, Chris. I have been for a long time. I'm not still harboring feelings for him. Can you stand there and say the same?"
He studied her in the rain. She didn't even look mad. Just calm. She waited.
And he'd waited too long to answer.
He watched the pain of it shoot across her face and kill them both.
But she was wrong. He just didn't have the words to tell her why.
How did you explain it to someone like Jill Valentine? She was a woman who'd loved a boy and lost him with years of her life. She'd survived what would have leveled other people. She'd lost her world, mind, child, partner, and love.
She was still here. And she was still chasing happiness like she'd never give up.
How did he explain the emptiness that rolled inside him that was Ada Wong? How did he explain that what he couldn't bury under booze, he burned away with chasing a woman who'd never give him what he needed to be happy. Jill was running toward her future -all he knew was how to run from his past.
Her face was so heartbroken. Her voice cracked as she exclaimed, "Yeah. See? Not the same, Leon. Not even close. It's ok. Seriously? I get it." She started walking again. "I get it. We've been together what? Four days? It's ok. You've been chasing Ada Wong for years. Hard to compete with that."
He watched her move, breathing low and slow. Maybe he'd been wrong all along. Maybe he didn't deserve her. Maybe he should just let her go. Maybe he should let her go back to Chris Redfield.
He felt vaguely like he might find that muscled mountain of a man and knock his fucking teeth down his throat. Why? For loving Jill Valentine?
Sure. Yeah. A little. There it was. Jealousy. Because Chris Redfield had gotten to her first. When? Back on the catwalk?
Yeah. Sure. A little.
And in life. He'd gotten to her first...in life. There it was. Unreasonable. Unrelenting. Unavoidable. Jealousy. It might have been amusing if it wasn't peppered with fear that she was trying to pull the plug on him here.
The man with all the words? He didn't have them right now. His brain was trying to find anything to get her to halt the horrible truth she was spewing.
But he felt frozen.