Chapter 38

Severus hated feeling things...Especially when the things he happened to be feeling were excessively strong and excessively conflicted. With a sigh he dropped his face into his hands once the door was closed behind Mag. What in the hell had just happened! /Prof, she really has been obsessed with you for years...Literally ages. Like if I told you how long it'd probably be fucking disturbing./

His connection with Nightshade had unsettled Severus many times. Missing his conversations with the owl when Nightshade was with Magritte made him feel weak. Feeling an overly natural camaraderie even when Nightshade was talking into his head that time they'd shared a dreadful hangover made him feel...well the opposite of alone. How else could one feel with someone else nearly constantly directly in their head? The problem wasn't that he tolerated it, but that he enjoyed it. It was a weakness that he promised himself he'd never have again after Heather and Raislen showed him how easily they could drop his friendship and how little he'd truly meant to them. Sure, they could affectionately call him the kid, and treat him like a younger brother until things got hard.

Then it was Severus, not Heather or Raislen who ended up with the rug snatched out from under him, left alone with nothing but the promise he'd made himself at a young age of vengeance against Voldemort for his killing of Tobias Snape. No matter that a worthless waste of space like Harry Potter got to do it, because he still got to help. Severus would have a hand in bringing the twisted monster that was Voldemort down. Only now Mag had gone and complicated even that. He'd always known that he cared for the girl as a friend. One of the few friends he had even, but this new dimension that she'd unwisely forced onto them changed everything in dangerous ways. For the first time, Severus felt out of control and it was no good because it could get them both killed. He'd never truly noticed her beauty because he just didn't think like that. Never had Severus Snape claimed to be like other people in any way, after all. He was usually too busy hating everyone, and when he didn't hate them his mind certainly didn't jump to shagging them.

Right now, vengeance owned his life and thanks to people leaving him via death or betrayal, he simply wasn't seeking attachments because they hurt. When she was in his arms, soft warm eager mouth pressed to his, though, all that had changed. His nonexistent sex drive had sprung, quite literally to life. It was as if her slender body and feminine curves were made for him. She fit perfectly against him like another piece to the puzzle that was whole when they clung together. She wasn't much shorter than he, so even their inappropriately impassioned kisses were a natural fit. At least he'd stopped that before it had gotten out of hand, and at least she'd had the decency not to try that until now when she was basically no longer a student! While all that was very nice, the girl didn't seem to care that she was putting herself, and forcing him to put her at risk. She was no fool, so how could she not see that? He knew Nightshade shared whatever impressions he had of Voldemort with her so why? For the first time ever, he wished he was just out of the entire thing and free of Voldemort.

That he was free just to live his life and be happy...Because something he never thought to have or never truly believed he wanted was presented to him. Friendship, unconditional love and a true connection on all levels, because the physical one was most certainly there. How simple and grand it would be to pursue a life together, he, Mag and Nightshade, studying, discovering things together, inventing new spells and potions, traveling, and just always knowing that the others would be there. Simple, wonderful, and what they all deserved...hell what enough people deserved so long as they weren't stupid insufferable gits. Very well perhaps a third of the world deserved it now he came to think of it, but he was certainly among that third as was Mag. Deep down, Severus knew that his father would want this for him over revenge. If he'd only known he could have it, perhaps Severus would've made different choices. Of course he would've, but now what was done, was done, literally. He sighed again. How was he going to be certain Mag would be safe from Voldemort's scrutiny now that her association with him was most definitely closer? "Son of a bitch," he groaned, frustrated.

/Really? That the best you can do after all my exalted efforts,/ Nightshade complained. /That's the most boring swearing I've ever heard. That right there is grandma swearing is what it is./

For once, Severus basically ignored Nightshade, because his mind was solidly on more uncomfortable matters. "I need help if I am to keep her safe," he announced. "If he saw her in my mind he'd be enraged that I didn't tell him about her talent with enhancing stones and constructing those wands that are twice the strength of wooden ones, and you know it. She appears to believe in my abilities to hide things from him even more than I do. Perhaps she is even correct but I won't bet her life on it. He probably wouldn't kill us, because it wouldn't be useful for him to do so, but he certainly would not allow our lives to be pleasant. So I need help." He put his hand on the door knob. "Are you coming?"

Nightshade considered for a moment. Severus could feel the owl delving into his mind to detect his plan. /Nah. I think I'll wait here. I got some more turkey to finish, after all./

Severus shrugged. "Fine. I'll be back soon, hopefully in a more secure mood."

As he left the dungeon and headed for Albus Dumbledore's office, however, he wasn't feeling particularly secure. Albus wasn't going to be pleased that he'd kissed a student before graduation, even if she'd kissed him first. Bloody hell! Though that was technically the least of his problems, thanks to Voldemort. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach nonetheless at the prospect of facing Albus Dumbledore's disapproval. The man had become like a second father to him over the years and this wasn't going to be a fun conversation. Albus was in his office and alone which was a relief.

"Good evening, Severus," he said cheerfully, extending a bag of twizzlers. "Try one of these! They're amazing...and addictive. They're hollow and as light as air. One just continues to eat and eat and eat..."

"Until one develops a belly ache," Severus stated dryly, lips quirking slightly in amusement as he sank down into the chair across from Albus at his desk.

"Regardless. You must try one and experience the delicious magic," Albus insisted, shaking the bag slightly when Severus failed to reach out and draw one of the red twisty candies out.

Severus sighed and took a twizzler, if only to allow for a change of subject. "I need help," he told Albus after he'd chewed his first bite.

"Isn't it good candy, though," Albus asked.

"Sure," Severus said. "Now can we talk about the reason I'm here?"

Albus sighed. "It's a pity it isn't just to socialize. Do you recall the days when you just came to sit with me and talk, Severus?"

Severus sighed.

"I came to sit and talk with you last week," he reminded Albus.

"It was nearly two weeks," Albus corrected gently.

"But that's neither here nor there at the moment, I'm sure. What's the trouble?"

"Before I get into it, I want to say that it wasn't my fault, and I didn't start it."

Albus chuckled. "Did you get into a fight with Minerva again?"

Severus shook his head. "I think I got into a relationship...She's graduating tomorrow and we never did anything when she was a student. I didn't even think of her in that way, I swear. I honestly only saw her as a friend and today she kissed me. Yes I did unfortunately respond but she was crying and then when she kissed me it just...I just...I was shocked when she proclaimed her feelings and...she's pretty and..." Words were spilling out of Severus in a rush, and only Albus holding up a restraining hand stilled them, much to Severus's own relief.

"I'm happy for you, Severus. I trust that this gesture of affection went no further."

Severus's jaw dropped at the calm way Albus was taking the situation. "Of course not." Three kisses but who was counting.

"You deserve happiness as much as anyone else. There is nothing wrong with that and as you said, she's technically no longer a student and as of tomorrow that will be formalized."

"But now is the worst time! I tried to tell her. If Voldemort discovers some of her talents, there will be problems. We don't want him having the items she can craft! Besides if anything happened to her...I couldn't handle that. She wouldn't listen, though."

Albus's lips twitched up into an admittedly mischievous grin and he gave an amused chuckle. "So you're saying she's as stubborn as you."

Severus scowled. "I was hoping you could help me to figure out a way to keep her safe," he said tartly.

Albus nodded. "I think I can. It actually ties into something I've been thinking about broaching with you concerning your interactions with Harry. Only now thanks to your feelings for Mag, the story I had in mind will be even easier to craft."

Right away Severus began feeling suspicious. His scowl deepened. "What does Potter have to do with Mag?"

Albus smiled. "Nothing at all. That's the brilliant part, you see."

Severus shook his head. "No, I actually don't."

"Well you will," Albus promised. "I really wanted you and Harry to learn to get along, and it just isn't happening. Yes in part my reasons for this are related to the past. Harry isn't his father, and he didn't do anything to you. Before you begin saying how you do feel he is like his father and you dislike him for being, what you consider incompetent and irresponsible, please hear me out, because as you can see I have obviously heard you out many times to be able to repeat it verbatim." Albus's grin only caused Severus's resentful scowl to deepen. "The true need for you and Harry to get along is Voldemort as I have told you before. If Harry can't trust you and listen to you when he really needs to...when he truly needs the guidance of a wiser more skilled wizard, his dislike of you, that you have admittedly heavily fostered, will most definitely interfere at this point. If you and Harry will never get along, we need to create a reason for him to trust you, Severus. I know you won't like the plan I have devised to accomplish that, but considering the fact that Mag has made her play for you and won, perhaps you will be more amenable if only to keep her safe."

Severus's jaw dropped for the second time in the past ten minutes. "How did you know it was Mag," he practically squawked.

Everyone claimed that Albus Dumbledore knew everything, and now he was right there with them. "Oh that's rather obvious, my dear boy. She's the only female student you take any time outside of class to interact with. Granted I never thought your high regard for her was romantic, but her feelings for you were obvious to anyone who paid any amount of attention to her face when she looked at you. I hoped she'd succeed in her quest to win your heart some day, but I didn't see it happening right now. I can't say that it's a bad thing, though."

"Why not," Severus demanded. "Remember the her being in danger bit?"

Albus chuckled. "Indeed I do and so do you. When one has a reason to be truly cautious, one's chances in war are far better. In other words, I believe Mag will be the reason you succeed. She will give you the strength and temperance to do so. You'll do it for her...for what you have together." Severus didn't like it, but Albus was right. He didn't like it because it was scary as hell and extra feelings and responsibility were two things he really didn't need right now. "Are you ready to hear my solution," Albus asked.

"Of course," Severus said, though he still wondered how it could involve Harry Potter.

"You aren't going to like it, but it will work," Albus said. "I would like to use your feelings for Mag but make them appear to have been directed at someone else. Lily Potter to be specific."

Severus blinked in shock, then again in disbelief. "This is your plan? For Harry to believe I loved his mum who I hardly knew," Severus asked incredulously. "And how will that go over with Voldemort? He'll never trust me to hand Harry over to him when the time is right if he believes I have emotional reasons not to."

Albus shook his head. "I will craft the situation better than that," he said. "Harry will trust you if he believes you cared for his mother. The loss of his parents is one of his weaknesses and I am not above exploiting his or anyone else's weaknesses to save lives. I can do this by attaching childhood images to the feelings you have for Mag. The best lies are based on truth, remember. As for Voldemort, we will use the happiness you truly felt at the death of Jame's Potter to make him believe you felt the same for Lily Potter's death because she betrayed you. This, Voldemort will relate to, because as you know, he believes his own parents did the same to him. He won't be able to relate to the romantic aspect because he loves no one, but the betrayal and consequent hate will be right up his alley. Replacing your love for your father with the hatred you feel for your grandfather has worked, has it not? I always say if it's not broken, don't fix it and in fact continue to use it," Albus said, topping his explanation off with a pleased smile.

Severus had no logical objection to a single word Albus said, but he hated the idea nonetheless. "Alright," he said flatly. "Do it."

Nodding, Albus stood and rounded the desk to stand at Severus's side, wand in hand. "Relax. Lean your head back," he said, and sighing, Severus did. Closing his eyes, he couldn't help feeling a bit of Déjà vu As the tip of Albus's wand traced circles around his left temple. He had done the same sort of mind crafting spells when placing Severus's feelings of dislike for his grandfather Prince onto Tobias Snape to allow Voldemort to believe he'd hated his Muggle father. Voldemort never knew that he'd killed Severus's father, not knowing the Muggle man's name he'd struck down for daring to walk into a wizarding potions shop. The feeling of Albus toying with the surface of his mind was uncomfortable, literally causing the sensation of strings being pulled in his head, but Severus remained still and quiet. Voldemort's torture would be far worse than any mild discomfort were his secrets to come out, after all. Severus was excellent at mental shields, but Albus's mind crafting, replacement of false memories over true emotions, was what allowed him to spy safely as he did.