Author note:

I'm not sure if this turned out exactly as I intended. I hope those of you who are still reading this enjoy it anyway. Thanks for your support and reviews!

CH 11-Heart to Heart

Clay looked down at the phone buzzing on the table. The caller ID indicated that Quinn's school was calling. He put down the reports he was reviewing and answered his phone.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Spenser?"

"Yes. This is Clay Spenser."

"Mr. Spenser. I understand your wife is out of town right now."

"That's right. What's going on? Who is this?"

"I'm calling from Principal Henson's office at Quinn's school. Your daughter is here in the office."

Clay was instantly worried. "Is she okay? Is Quinn alright?"

"She's fine sir. But… she was involved in an incident with another student that requires disciplinary action."

"What sort of incident?"

"A fight, sir."

"Quinn got beat up?" He started to raise his voice. If someone had hurt his girl…

"Uh…no Mr. Spenser. Quinn started the fight. That's why we need you come to the school as soon as you are able."

That was news he was not expecting. His happy, sweet, little girl had gotten herself into a fight and had hit another student?! What on Earth?

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

Clay returned the reports to the file cabinet and let Vic know that had to leave base. The team wasn't on active rotation, but they still had to report in for training and to keep up on current intel. The timing had worked out well. Mikey was receiving his master's degree in architecture and Emma had travelled with her Dad to his graduation, taking little AJ with her. They both agreed that with Quinn in school, it was better if she stayed home with Clay.

Soon enough he pulled into the school parking lot and pushed the buzzer at the door to gain entrance. A voice addressed him over the intercom.

"Can I help you?"

"Uh, yea. It's…I'm Clay Spenser, Quinn Spenser's father. The Principal's office…"

The voice interrupted him. "Yes, Mr. Spenser. Come in and you can proceed directly to reception. I'll let Principal Henson know you're here."

He heard the click of the latch release and opened the door to go inside. As he walked through the double doors he turned to the left and into the waiting area outside of the Principal's office. He had only been to Quinn's school a few times. His job meant that he often missed out on parent-teacher conferences, school plays and other activities. He hated it, but that is what his commitment required. Quinn and AJ understood as much as they could for their ages. He and Emma had told them repeatedly that Daddy fought bad guys and so he had to be away from home a lot. He was deeply sorry that this latest visit was for a negative reason.

He checked in at the desk and the assistant assured him that the Principal would be right with him. He declined her offer to have a seat, instead pacing nervously around the small waiting area. It was only a few minutes until the office door opened and Principal Henson stepped out.

"Mr. Spenser, could you join us, please?"

Clay removed his hat and ran a hand nervously through his hair as he walked into the office. Quinn was already inside. She had some dirt on her cheek, and her hair was more disheveled than usual. Other than that, and the tears standing in her eyes, she looked to be fine. He took the seat next to her and reached over to lay his hand on her shoulder.

"Could someone tell me what is going on?"

"Quinn? Would you like to tell your father?"

The first grader looked down to the hands clasped in her lap and shook her head no. Clay could see some of the tears make their way down her cheeks. He turned his chair to face her and took a hold of her little hands.

"Honey? You need to tell me what happened. What was the fight about?"

Quinn bit her lip and tried to hold back a sob. "Tommy…Tommy said that you…that you…"

Her voice broke and she couldn't continue. He pulled her to lean against him and rubbed her back.

"Baby, I need you to tell me the rest. Why would you ever hit someone?"

Quinn sniffed loudly and rubbed a hand across her eyes. "He said that…that you're a bad daddy because you're gone so much." Then after another shuddering breath, "then he said that you…kill people. He said you're a bad person because you kill people."

"Oh honey."

"It's not true. Is it Daddy? You're a hero. Mommy always says you're a hero and that you fight bad guys."

His heart broke as she gazed at him with her huge blue eyes, begging him to tell her that it wasn't true. He cleared his throat and spoke quietly.

"I think you and I need to have a talk, okay?" Quinn nodded. "But first, you need to listen to Principal Henson and say you're sorry."

"I'm sorry Ms. Henson. I shouldn't have hit Tommy."

"Thank you, Quinn. I know you're sorry. And Tommy shouldn't have said those things. But we have rules. And when you break those rules, there are consequences. Do you understand?"

Quinn nodded again, awaiting her punishment.

"You will lose recess privileges for the next two weeks."

She remained silent until Clay spoke her name quietly. Then she answered the principal. "Yes ma'am."

"Alright. You are free to go with your dad. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Honey, wait for me by the desk for a couple minutes, okay?"

Clay turned to address the Principal. "Ms. Henson. I'm sorry that this happened. We do teach Quinn that violence isn't acceptable."

"I know. I also know that what you do isn't easy, for you, or for Quinn. I am terribly sorry that Tommy said those things to her. He will be dealt with as well."

He fiddled with his hat and swallowed. "I appreciate that ma'am. People…they don't always understand what I do. They can be…"

She smiled in understanding. "Yes. They can be." She reached to shake his hand. "Have a good afternoon Mr. Spenser."

"You too ma'am."

He left her office, held out his hand for Quinn, and they walked out to his truck.

The drive home was almost silent. Quinn was worried about further punishment. She knew what she had done was wrong. But the words had hurt her so much, and when he said those bad things about her daddy, she just couldn't hold back. Clay was trying to figure out the best way to approach describing his job to her. How much did she need to know? What could she deal with?

They got home and walked inside. He grabbed himself a beer and offered her a juice box.

"Hey, why don't we go outside," he asked.

Quinn nodded her head and followed him to the backyard. He took a seat on one of her swings and waited for her to settle herself on the one next to him. For a few minutes they just sat quietly together. He noticed her tilt her head to the side and start to twirl an errant curl around her finger. He smiled to himself as he recognized Emma in her actions.

He really wasn't the type to beat around the bush, even with his children, so he dived right in.

"So, Quinnie, what do you know about what I do, about what my job is?"

"You're a soldier in the Navy."

"Sailor, sailor in the Navy," he gently corrected.

"A sailor," she repeated carefully. "You protect us from bad guys."

"That's basically right baby. I'm a special kind of sailor. It's called a SEAL."

"You mean like the animal, like my stuffy, Flipper?"

Clay chuckled as he pictured her small plush seal. It had once been his. Given to him by a friend and teammate while he was in the hospital. Emma had found it among his things and kept it. Years later he gave it to his baby girl.

"It sounds like that but it's different. It just means that I have a different job than most people who are in the Navy. I'm on a team with your Uncle Vic and your other Uncles. We work together to go all around the world to find the bad guys."

"That's why you have to be gone so much. Mommy told me." She shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of juice.

"Yes. That's why. And we don't ever know when they will show up, or how long it will take us to find them."

"Why did Tommy say you killed people?"

"Well…you know that sometimes mean people hurt other people, right? It's my job and my team's job to protect our country from those bad people."

Her eyes were trained on him, following every word and movement. He continued.

"Sometimes…sometimes there's only one way to stop them from hurting others or hurting our country. Do you understand?"

God, he prayed he was saying the right things. He never wanted to lie to her, but he didn't know if she could comprehend the reasons for his actions. He saw her swallow and her brows knit together.

"So, do you shoot them?"

He sighed and blew out a breath. "Sometimes…sometimes we have to. It's the only way to keep them from doing bad things."

He could see the confusion in her eyes. She was old enough to know that hurting and killing others was wrong. Hell, he had just told her that hitting Tommy was wrong. But here he was telling her that he shot people. She was struggling.

"I don't want to honey. I never want to shoot anyone. I wish we could tell people to be good and that they would listen. But some people are so bad that it's the only thing we can do."

He could see the emotions on her face. She was processing what he was telling her. Then came the question he dreaded most.

"Do they shoot at you?"

He reached out and laid his arm around her shoulder. "Yes. Sometimes they do."

"They try to kill you?"

"Yes."

She started to cry. He set his beer on the ground and he pulled her onto his lap and held her tight. She sobbed into his shoulder and it broke his heart. It was all he could do not to break down in tears seeing her pain. Suddenly she sat up and started to squirm away from him.

"I don't want you to die. I hate your job! Why do you have to do it? Can't you just do different work?"

"I could, I guess. My job is hard, and I don't like being away from you and AJ and Mommy. But I know someone has to fight the bad guys and protect us. It's what I need to do."

"That's stupid! You could quit. Why don't you quit?"

Ahhh, God he wished Emma were here! She had gone through this same thing with her dad. She would know exactly what to say and how to explain it to Quinn.

"Can I ask you a question?"

She nodded suspiciously. "What if everyone who is on my team quits? What if nobody joined the Navy. Or, what if no one wanted to be a police officer? What do you think would happen?"

She shrugged her shoulders in response, so he continued. "If no one did those jobs, there wouldn't be anybody to stop the bad guys, would there?" He really hoped he wasn't scaring her more.

"No," she answered sullenly.

"I couldn't ever let anything happen to you or your brother, or to your Mommy. I love you all so much that I have to go out and protect you. Does that make any sense to you?"

She laid back against him and mumbled against his chest. "I guess so."

He held her and rubbed her back until the sniffing stopped and her breathing was back to normal. Clay wasn't sure if he had done any good, or if he had just made things worse.

"Do you have any more questions?"

"No."

"Okay, if you do, now or later, you can always ask me." He lifted her chin so that he could look at her eye to eye. "I won't ever lie to you Quinn."

She nodded and returned his gaze. In that moment, he could see some of her baby innocence leave her eyes and be replaced by a new, more mature understanding. He was filled with sadness and pride at the same time. He hugged her to him once more and kissed her cheek.

"What do you say to ice cream for dinner," he whispered into her ear.

She looked up at him with wide eyes. "Mommy doesn't let me have dessert before dinner."

"Mommy isn't here, is she? I won't tell if you don't."

Quinn nodded her head in agreement. Her blue eyes sparkled at the shared conspiracy and she giggled. There, his little girl was back.

"Can I have chocolate with sprinkles?"

"You can have whatever you want Quinnie."

They got up and walked back into the house and she slipped her small hand into his larger one. Clay looked down at her and she peeked up through her curls.

"I love you Daddy."

"I love you too, baby."