Author note:

I've had real trouble posting this. I hope that anyone still reading enjoys this installment. Thanks for any comments or reviews.

CH 24-Milestones

If Clay could change one thing about his job, it would be the amount of time he had to spend away from home. When he was alone, it never bothered him. In fact, he would chafe at spending too much time with just himself for company in his apartment. Even once he joined Bravo and had his brothers, he preferred to be on an Op. instead of hanging around a bar just shooting the shit. It gave him too much time to think, too much time to feel. All of that changed when Emma came into his life.

Suddenly he actually wanted to spend time stateside. Quiet, routine days with Emma became his joy. She was his constant, his anchor. Her never-wavering love became his home. But being on Bravo didn't allow for much down time. Over their years together, he hated missing birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. But thankfully, she understood, and never blamed him or tried to make him feel guilty.

When their daughter, Quinn, came along, it became even harder. Each missed milestone was more poignant. Their little girl changed almost daily, growing with frightening speed. It seemed like one day she was a tiny, wrinkled newborn, and the next a chubby, curly-haired, baby developing her own personality. Her first smile, her first real laugh. These were all things that Emma had to relate to him either over a video call from thousands of miles away, or days later when he returned home to them. The video she sent him during his deployment of his baby girl reaching out to a picture of him saying, "Dada", almost broke him.

Now, on the plane back from their latest Op. he finally got a chance to check his personal messages on his phone. There was a short video from Emma, that showed Quinn pulling herself up to a standing position using the couch, and then trying to take a step toward her before falling to her diapered bottom with a happy shriek. His first reaction was elation and pride. He looked around to see if any of the team was awake so he could share her accomplishment. But everyone else was sacked out. He watched the clip over and over. Soon his joy started to morph into some regret and sadness. Tears filled his eyes and in spite of his efforts, spilled down his cheeks. His little girl was growing up, without him. Here she was, almost a year old, getting ready to walk, and he had missed over half her life. He wouldn't change what he did for anything. Being on the teams was still where he wanted to be. Now, with Emma and Quinn in his life, he felt more strongly than ever about fighting the evil that existed in the world. He prayed that as she grew, his daughter would understand.

Clay pulled into the driveway just after dusk. Getting out of his truck, the warm glow of the lights spilling from the windows welcomed him. He went in through the garage so he could drop his dusty duffle and dirty boots off in the laundry room. As he opened the door, he could hear Emma chatting to Quinn in the kitchen.

"I hear someone, Baby. I think-I think Daddy's home."

Clay walked into the kitchen. Emma was setting plates out on the table and Quinn was sitting in her highchair. He closed the distance between them quickly and took Emma into his arms.

"Mmm. Welcome home. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Em."

He lowered his head and met her lips. Both of them were pulled from their quiet reunion by the loud squeals and banging coming from the occupant of the highchair.

"Da-ddeeee!"

Clay's lips pulled into a smile and Emma released him to greet their daughter. Quinn was kicking in delight and reaching her arms toward him. He removed the tray and unclipped the belt so he could lift her up.

"Hi there, Angel."

He kissed her curls and hugged her close. Quinn was still chattering in delight at the reappearance of her father. Clay turned back toward Emma who was watching the reunion between father and daughter.

"I think she missed you too."

He smiled in response before taking a seat with Quinn standing in his lap.

"Do you need any help," he asked as he nodded toward the table.

"No, I'm good. Why don't you go wash up and I'll have everything ready when you get back?"

Clay stood up and tried to put Quinn back into her chair. The little girl would have no part of it. She clutched onto Clay's shirt and shook her head back and forth forcefully.

"No! Dad-dee!"

They both chuckled as their daughter voiced her preference.

"You wanna come with Daddy? Ok, let's go Quinnie."

He kissed the soft curls again and patted her on her bottom as they made their way to the bathroom.

It took Clay much longer to wash his hands than it should. Emma was about to go check when he came back into the room carrying Quinn.

"There you are."

She looked him up and down and noted that his shirt had several wet spots. He noticed her perusal and answered her unasked question.

"Someone decided they needed to wash their hands too."

Emma laughed and sat down as he placed Quinn back into her chair. She dished up their simple meal, taking time to cut up Quinn's food into small bites.

"So, how did things go? Everyone get home safely?"

"Yea. A couple bumps and bruises. But nothing major."

She laid a hand over his and squeezed.

"Good!"

"How's everything here?"

He had only been gone for a few a little over a week, but he always wanted to be filled in on whatever happened with the two of them in his absence.

"Just fine. I was able to confirm with Hunt Club Farm for her birthday party next month."

"That's the place with the animals, right?"

"Yes. And we can do either the petting zoo or have just a few of the smaller animals brought into the party room for the kids."

"Well, as long as they have bunnies, this one should be happy."

He reached over and tweaked Quinn's toes, making her giggle and repeat his words.

"Bun, bun?"

"Yea Quinnie. Do you want to pet some bunnies for your birthday?"

The little girl clapped her hands together and grinned at the mention of her favorite animal.

"Hey! I got a chance to watch the video you sent when I was on the way home. Looks like she's going to be walking real soon."

Emma just nodded and smiled.

"Em, is something wrong?"

She hesitated before answering. She didn't want to lie to him. But she knew that the truth, even though it was unintended, would be hurtful.

"That video was from last Sunday. And… well…on Friday when Dad was here, she actually, she walked to him."

She could see Clay's jaw clench and his fist ball up in his lap.

"That's, ah…that's great. She's going to be off to the races before we know it."

He plastered a smile on his face and then turned back to his meal. Emma moved the conversation on to other topics. He listened with half an ear, nodding, and offering only one syllable answers to any of her queries. She didn't take it personally. She knew what a blow she'd delivered.

Immediately after finishing his meal, he got up and went to rinse his plate. He lingered in the kitchen, puttering around, putting dishes in the dishwasher, and wiping down counters. He came back to the table as Emma and Quinn finished.

"Here, let me take those."

"Thanks, Honey. I think I'm going to take Quinn up for her bath now."

He nodded, taking their dirty dishes from her hands without a word. He waited until he heard Emma get Quinn and take her upstairs. He could hear the little one's soft baby chatter receding up the stairs. Wondering into the living room, he sat down hard on the sofa. He closed his eyes and could picture Quinn there in front of the couch on wobbly feet, walking into his arms. The hurt at knowing in real life, his father-in-law replaced him in that scenario was almost too much to bear. It was just another milestone he missed and would never get back. He scrubbed his hands over his face in frustration.

Quinn's musical laughter floated down the stars and broke through the fog of negative feelings pressing in on him. Chastising himself for dwelling in self-pity while he could be spending time with Quinn and Emma, he stood and mounted the stairs.

"Sounds like fun in here."

Emma turned and searched his face. He gave a tiny nod to let her know he was okay.

"We're learning a new song, Daddy. Do you want to sing it with us?"

She scooted over and he knelt down next to her leaning over the tub.

"Can you teach me, Quinnie?"

Emma held her hands up in the air as she started to sing.

"The itsy, bitsy spider went up the waterspout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out."

Clay watched his daughter, wiggling her tiny fingers, trying to mimic her mother's movements. At least he wasn't missing this precious moment. When Emma finished the short melody, Quinn splashed her hands in the water.

"'Gin, 'gin. Dad-ddee do!"

"You want me to sing it, Baby? You have to help Daddy with the motions, okay?"

He started out and let Quinn take his hands, "showing" him how to move his hands with the lyrics. They sang the song through three more times before she was satisfied. Next, he lifted her into a fluffy towel, and she immediately cuddled into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He breathed in the scent of her freshly washed curls and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He followed Emma into the nursery, and they got Quinn dressed for bed.

"Why don't you read her stories to her tonight?"

"You sure?"

"Absolutely."

She gave them both a kiss on the cheek before handing him their daughter's favorite bedtime stories and exiting the room. Clay settled into the rocking chair with Quinn in his lap. Leaning back against him, she snuggled in close. He started to read, softly. The motion of the chair, and the timbre of Clay's voice lulled her to sleep in no time. Even so, he continued to hold her, enjoying the feel of her light weight in his arms and the soft sounds of her breathing. He wanted to take in all the details of this moment in time. After committing it to memory, he stood up and placed her in her crib. As he exited the room, he turned off the light and whispered to her.

"I love you Quinnie."

The quiet time with his little girl soothed his soul. But the enormity of his feelings still weighed on him, making his spirit as tired as his body. He went downstairs to check in with Emma and let her know that he was ready for bed as well. As he descended the steps, he noticed that the lights were already turned off. She must have gone to their room. He quickly checked the locks, making sure everything was secure for the night.

As he climbed back up to their room, he knew he owed Emma an apology. He reacted so badly to the news of Quinn's first steps. It wasn't her fault that he wasn't there to witness or be a part of the occasion. His knew his absences were hard on her too. The closer he got to their room, the more ashamed he began to feel. He entered without a word. There she was, lying in bed, iPad in hand.

"I thought you might want to make it an early night."

She knew him so well.

"Yea. I am tired."

He went to brush his teeth and get undressed. A few minutes later he emerged, and sat down silently on the bed, back toward Emma. He still didn't know what to say. But he knew he had to say something.

"Em…I'm, I'm really sorry, Babe."

She laid down her tablet and gave him her full attention. She noticed that he still wasn't facing her.

"For what?"

His hands shifted restlessly, rubbing up and down his thighs. He took a deep breath and plunged in.

"For acting like I did when you told me about Quinn walking."

Emma scooted over and kneeled behind him. She threaded her arms under his and wrapped them up until she was holding onto his shoulders.

"It's not your fault that I wasn't here…again."

Emma pressed her lips against his shoulder and then propped her chin there.

"It's okay. I know how hard it is for you to miss those big developments."

He took her right hand and brought it to his lips. He knew he didn't deserve her absolution.

"It is hard. Being away from home has always been hard. But since Quinn…"

Emma tugged lightly on his shoulder, and he shifted around until she could see his face.

"I know."

"She's growing so fast. And I feel…"

Emma took a hold of both his hands.

"I feel like I'm missing her whole life. I'm afraid one of these days, I'm going to come home, and she'll be grown, and she won't even know me."

He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn't help it. He was surprised when Emma started to laugh.

"Wh-why is that funny?"

"Oh, Honey. It's just. Did you not see her, see her reaction when you came home tonight?"

He nodded and shrugged.

"You are her favorite person in the whole world. Nothing could ever change that."

"But now it's all she knows. You started to resent your dad always being gone. You said so yourself."

"That's true. I always felt like we came second to his job."

"And you're telling me that Quinn won't feel the same way someday?"

"I don't think she will. See, it's like I've said before, after a while, even when my dad was home, he wasn't really with us. His mind was always back on the battlefield. When you're home, you're here 100%. I know you love us, that's what drives you to do what you do. Quinn will learn that too. Now I'm not going to say that there might not be some bumpy times. But we'll work it out. And she's always going to be a Daddy's girl."

"You think?"

"Well…at least until she has her first boyfriend," she teased.

"Hey. She's not dating until she's forty, at least."

She grinned at his certainty.

"Yea, I think my dad said something like that too."

"I'm happy you didn't listen to him."

He gathered her close and rolled with her until he was laying down with her stretched atop him.

"So am I."

The next week was a quiet one. Bravo was off active status after their recent mission. That meant Clay was able to stay around the house and take care of some things that needed attention. He changed the oil on his truck and replaced a burned-out taillight on Emma's car. He mowed the lawn and cut back the bushes. He even found time to prep the flower beds for planting. He knew how much Emma enjoyed her garden. But more importantly, he was able to spend his days with Quinn. Usually, their little girl spent three days a week with Maria Lopez while Emma taught. Clay convinced Emma to interrupt the routine and allow Quinn to be at home with him.

From meals to diaper changes, from naps to playtime, it was the two of them. Clay knew he didn't do things the same was as his wife did. She was much more practiced and efficient. Still, even though he was cherishing the time spent with his daughter, he was reminded how much work it was to look after her. Once again, he marveled at how Emma managed along with teaching and everything else, she had to do.

He worked feverishly during Quinn's naps to get his chores done so that he could focus on her when she was awake. He sat down on the floor of the living room coaxing her to repeat her feat of taking unassisted steps. Holding out his hands for her, he crooned for her to come to him.

"Quinnie, come on Baby. You can do it."

Giggling she would pull herself up on the sofa and cruise from there to the table, to the chair and into his arms. Even though the outcome wasn't quite what he desired, he still praised her efforts and drew her to him with a plethora of hugs and kisses.

The next day, Emma was home as well. After Quinn's morning nap, she joined Clay and their daughter in the living room. Once again, Clay was seated on the floor, holding out Quinn's favorite stuffed bunny, trying to entice her to toddle over to him.

"C'mon Punkin. Come get Bun-Bun."

Quinn squealed out loud and waved her arms around. Then, letting go of the table, she managed five wobbly steps over to her father. When she was within reach, Clay scooped her up and hugged her close. He raised his eyes over Quinn's head to seek out Emma. When he met her gaze, she could see the tears shining in his eyes.

Quinn began to squirm, alerting Clay that he was holding her too tightly. Kissing her forehead and each chubby cheek, he sat her down and handed her the plush bunny. Voice still thick with emotion, he reached out for Emma's hand and stood.

"Well, she's mastering it for sure."

"She sure is," she answered, squeezing his hand. "I'm really going to be in trouble now."

They laughed together and watched their baby, turning toddler, playing with her bunny rabbit. Emma wrapped her arms around Clay's waist and leaned against his solid form. He looped his arm over her shoulder and rubbed circles into her back. Even in the joy of the moment, his expression was laced with some sadness. It was an acknowledgement that no matter how amazing this accomplishment was, it wasn't truly the first.

Even when Bravo was back on rotation, things stayed mercifully quiet. Clay still reported to base for intel briefings and training. But he was home most nights for dinner. Quinn's mobility improved quickly, and it wasn't long until she took her first tumble, knocking against the TV console. Emma was home with her at the time and dealt with the tears. When he got home, Clay saw his baby's bruised cheek and berated himself for not thinking about more childproofing. He knew that there was no way they could prevent her from ever getting hurt. But he was a guardian. It was in his nature to want to protect those he loved. He headed to the hardware store that night and picked up what he thought they would need to keep their new adventurer safe.

He spent that weekend installing baby gates, outlet covers, and cabinet locks. He also anchored the bookshelves and dressers to the wall in case Quinn decided to really explore and was tempted to climb. The new additions certainly made navigating their home more difficult. But it was worth the extra effort to keep their daughter out of harm's way as much as possible.

While Clay was hammering and locking things down, Emma was finalizing the plans for Quinn's upcoming birthday party. She sent the invitations out and they already had several responses. Now she was purchasing the decorations and making sure that the bakery had the correct details for the cake. She even had Quinn's outfit ready. The dual adult-child soiree at the petting zoo was sure to please their soon to be one-year-old.

As the days passed, they became more excited for the party. Then the inevitable happened. Clay got a call from command. He would need to leave in a few days for a mission of undisclosed length. His grim expression and the set of his jaw once he ended the call told Emma all she needed to know.

"When?"

"We leave Monday."

He sat down beside her on the couch, and he placed his arm around her.

"At least we have some warning this time."

"Yea, I guess."

He laid his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes.

"But…I'm still going to miss the party."

"Are you sure?"

He sat up and watched Quinn playing with her blocks.

"Uh huh. There's no way I'll be back in time."

"It's okay. I'll take a ton of videos and pictures. And when you get home, the three of us can celebrate. She'll get two parties."

He didn't answer. He simply nodded his head and stood, shoulders hunched and walked out to the garage. It broke Emma's heart to see him hurting. Especially so soon after missing Quinn's first steps. She bit at her lower lip and twirled her hair around a finger, deep in thought. Soon, she had an idea. Could she, do it? Could she really pull it off? Inspired by the thought and knowing time was of the essence, she went to put her plans into action. She picked up Quinn to take her up to her room.

"Come on Baby. It's your nap time and Mama has some calls to make. We're gonna cheer Daddy up again."

"Da-dee," the little one parroted while pointing to the door Clay just exited.

Kissing her cheek, Emma smiled and hoped she could make this happen for her husband.

After puttering around in the garage for as long as he could, Clay rejoined Emma back inside.

"Quinn down for her nap?"

"Yep. Actually, she should be waking up anytime now."

He noticed that Emma seemed to be pre-occupied, getting and answering several messages on her phone.

"Everything okay?"

"Hmm…uh, yea. Everything's fine. I was just letting Dad and Naima know that I might need some extra help with Quinn's party since you'll be out of town."

"I'm so sorry, Babe. This is all gonna be on you again."

She in no way wanted him feeling guilty about not being able to share the load when he was already regretting missing yet another important date in their daughter's life. Setting down her phone, she took his hand in hers.

"There is nothing to be sorry for. You can't control it."

"I know. But I wish I could do something."

"You can."

He looked at her questioningly.

"You can concentrate on getting home safe to us."

Gathering her in his arms, he hugged her close and placed a kiss on top of her head.

"You know I always do my best to get home to my girls."

"I know."

She offered up her lips and just as he was about to kiss her, they heard Quinn over the monitor.

"Mama, mama…Daddeee."

Chucking he released her and headed for the stairs.

"I'll get her."

The next days went by too quickly for all of them. On his last day home, Emma suggested that they grill out. The weather was nice, and she thought they would all enjoy some time outside. Clay agreed and went off to the grocery to get meat for burgers and some hot dogs for Quinn.

While he was gone, Emma flew into action. When Clay returned home, there were cars parked in the driveway and in front of the house. He recognized Jason's truck, Naima's minivan, and Vic's little sportscar. He opened the front door to find Emma hanging balloons and a birthday banner over a table stacked with presents, while Naima and Maria were taking food to a table in the back yard. Everyone moved around quickly and as quietly as possible since it was Quinn's naptime. He approached Emma eyes full of questions. When she finished hanging the banner which read, "Happy First Birthday," he helped her down from the step stool.

"Em, what's going on?"

"We're having a birthday party today."

"What?"

"Quinn's party is today."

"I'm confused. I thought her party was next week closer to her actual birthday."

"It was. But…it's more important for you to be here, than what day it is."

He was speechless. That's why she was so busy and distracted. She was pulling this all together. She shifted plans to make sure that he didn't miss yet another milestone in his daughter's life.

"Em…I-I…"

She went up on tip toe to kiss his cheek and his arms went around her.

"You're amazing. You know that?"

"It's been said before. But a reminder is always nice," she answered cheekily.

The screen door slid open, and Jason poked his head in.

"Uh, the animal guy is here. He wants to know where to set everything up."

"You got a petting zoo too?"

"Not a whole zoo. I found a service that does kid's parties. Luckily, they still had a spot. Why don't you hand me the food, and then you can go show him where to set up?"

Nodding, he handed her the grocery bag and followed Jason outside. There he also found Vic setting up tables and chairs. He then directed the animal wrangler on where to put his pens. There would be pygmy goats, a miniature horse, and of course, rabbits.

With that done, he headed back inside. By that time, Quinn was up from her nap, dressed and greeting her guests. Emma had her in sunny, yellow, and white striped leggings, white sneakers, and a white shirt with a smiling sun and "Birthday Girl" in rainbow lettering.

Ray arrived with Jameelah and RJ. Mikayla was next, with her fiancé. Not all of Quinn's friends from her Mommy and Me music class could make the new time, but there were enough one and two-year-olds in attendance to make for joyful chaos.

The afternoon proceeded as well as could be expected. Clay took in every detail. He was torn between capturing the memories on his phone so he could look at them later when he was away and missing his family and making sure he was there in the moment. Naima assured him that she was taking plenty of photos that she would send to him. He thanked her with a peck on the cheek.

He gloried in Quinn digging into her "smash cake" with both hands, covering her fingers in frosting. And then licking off each meticulously with her tiny pink tongue. Then, he laughed as she toddled after goats and squealed with joy when a fluffy bunny was placed in her lap. He soaked it all in, even the tears when she couldn't ride the miniature horse.

This was what he had been missing, experiencing life through the eyes of his baby girl. He knew Quinn wouldn't even remember her party as she grew. But Clay knew it was a day he would never forget.