Mash ducked away nervously from the entrance to the training room. She suspected that Jacob Senpai had noticed her. Though, once again, her own senpai hadn't seemed to notice her gaze. Not that it would have mattered much, though, seeing as how she wasn't up to anything, really.
Well, other than to make sure that she didn't have to interfere between the two. The fight between them had caused quite a stir, after all. Some of the Servants had been outraged (none more than her and Mordred), while a few of the others had left off a resigned sigh. Cu himself had made mention that it was difficult for brothers-in-arms to never quarrel.
When Mash had asked the Irish Lancer if he had experienced such a thing firsthand, the blue-haired man had gone grim, and hadn't said a word. Reading up on his legend later, Mash had discovered that he had been forced into a situation where he had to duel, and eventually kill, his best friend Fer Diad. Mash had indeed been extremely grateful that the fight had gotten nowhere near that extreme.
In addition to being upset over the fact that the last two Masters of Chaldea had gotten into a brawl and thus injured one another, there was a more selfish reason for why she despised that moment: That evening, Mash had planned on finally telling Ritsuka that she loved him.
But the moment she saw his still-healing face, she lost her cool. Personal feelings aside, she had been taught that her duty was to assist the others. As a Demi-Servant, her goal, her life mission, was to protect her Master. By the time she realized how much she had been chewing him out, it no longer felt appropriate to confess her feelings.
Much to the disappointment of Marie.
"Mon Cherie, you passed up another chance?" Marie asked her in equal parts disappointment and incredulity. It was a smaller gathering that day than normal, though with a new member, and it was mainly a celebration of Jeanne's official discharge. Mordred wasn't present as she was accompanying Jacob to summon Jeanne Alter. Not that Marie, Drake, or Astolfo knew. Yet.
"I'm sorry, Marie," Mash said, having finally been convinced that it was easier to refer to Marie by her name than with a little tacked on at the beginning. "It…It just didn't feel right. Not after what I had said."
Drake's flagon landed on the wooden table with a light thud. The pirate's eyes had regained most of their previous light after she had finished mourning the loss of one of her favorite drinking partners. Mash knew that the English Rider missed Jing Ke but had moved on. "There's no such thing as a 'right time'. Especially not for this type of stuff. Ritsuka's prime material, denseness aside."
Marie let out a faux gasp of shock. "My, Drake, how bold of you to say that!" But the Servant in question merely rolled her eyes at the former queen's theatrics.
"Oh, hush. You invited me to a blasted tea party. Only reason why I came was to celebrate the full recovery of a friend. Something I'd very much appreciate to have should I end up in a similar case. Preferably with a steadier supply of rum, too," the pink-haired woman added pointedly. Jeanne and Astolfo giggled slightly, and Mash smiled slightly as Marie pouted, though not actually insulted.
"Oh? And here I was thinking that you wanted to spend some more time with dear Astolfo," retorted the Flower of Versailles. To Mash's curiosity, the cheeks of both Riders in question grew brighter, and neither made eye contact with one another.
"That's not the point of this blasted meeting, though, is it? You said you wanted my help. Either get to the point, or experience why I was the Golden Hind's champion arm wrestler," Drake growled. Marie raised her splayed-out hands, her palms facing the English Rider in a pacifying manner.
"Alright, alright. We'll focus on the task at hand," Marie said, though Mash's intuition (combined with Jeanne's resigned, knowing look) that this unconfirmed relationship between Francis Drake and Astolfo was far from over. "Please, continue."
Drake eyed the former queen warily before nodding curtly. "Right. Well, what I was trying to say is that all that talk bout there being a right time for confessing one's feelings is absolutely bollocks. Tell me, how did Jacob and Mordred hook up?" Jeanne looked away, being in the awkward position of having both Mordred and Artoria as her friends, and thus caught in the middle.
"Almost right after Ritsuka Senpai summoned Artoria, who didn't respond to Mordred. She ran out of the room, and Jacob Senpai followed. When we next saw them, they were…they were hugging and kissing," Mash added a bit lamely, her legs rubbing together slightly as she once again imagined the scene. Though in her mind's eye, she was Mordred and Ritsuka Jacob.
Drake nodded sagely. "Case in point. I bet that those two would have fumbled around with their emotions for God knows how long if they didn't seize the moment. Sure, it sounds like it was less than ideal, but it worked out, didn't it?" Mash nodded, and Drake returned the gesture, crossing her arms and leaning back in a rather victorious-looking pose. "I rest my case."
"Life is full of regrets, big or small," Jeanne pipped in with a sympathetic smile. "Everyone at this table has some, including me. It's only natural. That being said, it doesn't really make any sense to purposefully add more to it."
"But," Mash started to say, pausing to swallow a sudden and rather uncomfortable lump that had formed in the back of her throat. "But what if he doesn't return my feelings? What if he rejects me?"
"Well, first of all, even if he doesn't return them, Ritsuka would be polite and gentlemanly about it. We all know he isn't leading you on, after all." Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was Marie that was the first one to respond. After all, Marie was the one most involved with trying to help Mash finally confess her feelings, though Jeanne and now Drake were close behind her in the amount of support they gave. The former doing so for reasons of friendship and her good nature, while the latter had done so insisting that Mash continue to be more open and all.
Well, that, and Drake had blatantly admitted she also had an entertainment value to the whole thing. In other words, typical pirate behavior.
"Besides, I think he's been developing his own feelings of affection for you, too," Jeanne added with a smile. Mash tilted her head to the side in confusion, and the Ruler proceeded to elaborate on her statement. "Do you remember when you prevented Ritsuka from being run over by that snowball Mordred threw, during our last break?" Mash nodded, more confident this time.
"It is pretty hard to forget that day in general."
"Indeed. Well, I'm not sure you realized it, but from my perspective, Ritsuka seemed to have rather enjoyed having you straddling him like that." Jeanne's words had Mash's cheeks burning quite fiercely, and Marie looked at the Maid of Orléans with equal parts shocked and impressed.
"My, Jeanne, I never imagined hearing that kind of talk from you!" Tittered the French Rider, and caused Jeanne to blush in turn, though probably nowhere near as intensely as Mash's.
"Moving on," Jeanne said rather quickly, "I think you have a good, no, great chance. If you wait, though, who knows what the future brings? We all know that there are more than a few Servants present who have been eyeing Ritsuka." Mash's head shot up, and once more the icky feeling of jealousy and possessiveness over her Senpai coursed through her veins.
Quickly calming down, Mash let out a quiet grunt of agreement. "I…I'll ask him tonight."
"Atta girl. Of course, we expect to hear the good news by noon tomorrow!" Drake said with a bark of laughter. Mash opened her mouth to respond when her commlink let out a gentle chime, indicating that someone was trying to contact her. Excusing herself from the conversation, Mash answered the incoming call.
"Mash, Romani would like to know if you're ready for your appointment with him today, or if you would like to wait until tomorrow," Da Vinci's voice came out over her commlink. Mash paused slightly, trying to keep her eyes from widening. She had forgotten about it.
"It's fine. Please let Doctor Roman know that I will be on my way shortly," she said calmly. Da Vinci made a sound of agreement before closing the link. Mash could feel the curious eyes of everyone now on her. Not wanting to let her secret become common knowledge, the Demi-Servant stood up and pushed in her chair.
"I have to go," she said, stating the obvious and causing Drake to stare at her rather dryly. She didn't add any verbal comment to the gesture, however. Marie had one last thing to say, however.
"Just remember, Mash. Even if he doesn't return your feelings, wouldn't it be better to have tried and been rejected, than to always wonder about what could have been? Life can be so terribly short, after all," Marie said with a rare somber air to her. The elegant-looking Servant had no idea just how especially true those words were in her case. Mash nodded her head once, feeling a lump trying to form in her throat.
"I understand. I'll see all of you later," she said, before walking out.
Mash swallowed softly, summoning up every last ounce of courage in her body as she stood in front of the room assigned to Ritsuka Fujimaru. "Come on, Mash, this is it. Now or never. If you keep waiting, someone else will ask him out," she said softly, trying to imagine her voice as Marie's chiding her for not taking that last step forward.
Mash reached out and knocked on the door softly. From inside the room, she heard a muffled "coming" followed by a rapid pair of footsteps. A moment later, the door slid open quietly to reveal Ritsuka in a simple, white t-shirt that left his slim yet muscular form on full display, and his black dress pants. Mash's lips got rather dry rather quickly, it seemed. His beautiful blue eyes met her own, and he relaxed slightly.
"Oh, hey Mash. I didn't see you at dinner. Is everything okay?"
"Yes, Senpai. Doctor Roman merely had something he wanted to look at with me. Nothing to be worried about," Mash said. Her Master tilted his head to the side with a slightly arched eyebrow. He must have noticed her evasiveness, but she didn't stop. "Do you have a moment, Senpai?"
"Um, sure," Ritsuka said, caught flatfooted. Leaning into the hallway, he looked to the right then left. "Why don't you come inside?" He offered and Mashed flashed him an appreciative smile. She hadn't planned on asking to come inside, but perhaps it was better.
Even if she was turned down, it would be better for it to be in private. It would be awkward enough as is. She dreaded to imagine what would happen if it became a public spectacle of any kind, even if she was friends with the operator of Chaldea's number one rumormonger. She then realized that more than a few seconds had passed by since she entered the room of her crush, and she hadn't said a word.
"So, you had something you wanted to talk about?" Ritsuka prompted her quietly, looking concerned. And why wouldn't he be? His kouhai asking to talk to him, but not even saying a word once invited in? She made a fist and coughed politely into it, making her momentary embarrassment before breathing in deeply.
"Senpai, there's been something I've been waiting a few months to finally say to you," Mash started, doing her best (and mostly succeeding) at preventing herself from either blushing or stuttering. She could do this and maintain her composure!
Before her, the object of her affection tilted his head to the side in that adorable way Mash loved to see. His brow was furrowed in naked concern, worried about her. "What's wrong, Mash?"
"You are," A treacherous part of her brain wanted to shout. While technically correct, it wouldn't be the way she wanted to phrase it. "It's about you and I."
"Have I done something wrong?" Ritsuka asked quickly, and Mash shook her head frantically, not wanting to upset her crush.
"No, no, not at all!" She said, even if he had technically done something wrong by being so thick-headed! But that was why she was here. As Jeanne once mentioned to her at a hangout, sometimes a person has to take matters into their own hands.
"You have been an excellent Master, Senpai. I couldn't have wished for a better Master."
"Not even Jacob?" Ritsuka asked. Once, he might have said those words with a bit of what Mash now recognized as bitterness. As much as she hated the fact that her Master and Jacob Senpai had traded blows a few days ago over the matter, she was grateful the subject had been laid to rest.
Mash shook her head empathically. "Not even Jacob Senpai."
"Then what is the issue?"
"I…I'm no longer content with just being your kouhai, Senpai. I was at first," she quickly added, noticing the confused and slightly hurt expression that flickered over the face of her Master. "But recently… Recently, I have been wanting something more." Now confusion took hold, a far better alternative. Mash pushed on.
"I have feelings for you, Senpai. Feelings I have never had before. I didn't realize it at first. Or at least, I didn't realize what it was exactly that I was feeling. I felt jealousy when I saw Marie kissing you back in France, and again when Nero was so fixated on you in the Second Singularity. It wasn't until the day after Jacob Senpai and Mordred kissed and Marie's…'interrogation', that I learnt what it was."
"And…And what's that?" Ritsuka asked as Mash took a few steps closer to him. She felt her cheeks redden as she came to a stop, mere inches from him. She could feel his warm breath brushing against her nose. She also felt an indescribable sense of anxiety over what she was about to admit.
"I…I love you, Senpai," Mash said. Seeing Ritsuka's eyes widen and his mouth starting to open, she leaned in, instinctively closing her eyes as her lips caught his. Mash had imagined, longed, for this very moment for far too long. It was almost impossible for her to restrain herself from letting her emotions run wild. It only got incredibly harder to maintain that tenuous hold over these emotions when she felt Ritsuka's lips finally react to her own.
From Marie's more helpful advice, Mash knew that it meant it was probably her crush reacting instinctively now. A good sign, the Rider had insisted, that could serve as an indicator of possible reciprocation of one's feelings.
She wished this moment could last forever. Alas, that couldn't be. After all, in addition to air, the Shielder needed to hear Ritsuka's response.
Though, even if he rejected her, as much as it would hurt, at least she'd be able to move on without any regrets.
Finally breaking the kiss, Mash took a step back. She tried to look into his eyes, but they remained fixed on his chest. Her lips were dry, and she licked them softly before she spoke back up.
"I'm sorry, Senpai, if I went too far and made you uncomfortable. I also understand if you wish to never speak of tonight again. You make me feel a way no one else has ever done before. Like how Jacob makes Mordred happy, and he her. I just wanted to not let this become something that I regret. I—"
Ritsuka politely cut her off with a raised hand. While she kept her hands from nervously curling up into fists (barely), she couldn't help but bite the inside of her right cheek nervously as those wonderful blue eyes of his stared into her as she finally made eye contact with him.
"This isn't a prank Marie, Drake, or Astolfo put you up to?" He asked in that kind manner of his. Mash shook her head.
"No. They helped me out with finally admitting it, as did Jeanne and even Mordred, but these are my feelings for you." Another pause. Ritsuka's face was difficult to read, especially when he occasionally looked away. It was all that Mash could do to stand still and wait. Finally, though, her crush turned to look at her with a serious expression.
"I've had feelings for you, too, Mash. I didn't notice them at first, but they were there. Especially around the time with the incidents with Blackbeard and Heracles. I kept silent about it recently, though, because I was worried about handling it poorly. Well, that, and now all the jokes and jabs about missing out on important things makes a lot of sense now."
Mash wanted to giggle at that, but she couldn't fully muster the energy to do so. Her heart began to beat faster. "So…does that mean…?" She began to ask nervously. Ritsuka politely cut her off again, though.
"I'm not sure if this is a good idea," Ritsuka admitted softly, hesitantly, causing Mash to bite down on her lower lip. Her Master took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. He then opened at them, and to her growing delight, there was a warmth not unlike that which Jacob displayed whenever he looked at or talked to Mordred. "However, if you wish to try, then why not? Jacob and Mordred are dating, after all. Let's see if we can make it work." At that moment, Mash's heart felt like it would explode from sheer joy.
"A date!"
"What?" Ritsuka asked, more in surprise at the words Mash had just blurted out, than anything else. She felt her ears grow warm, and coughed into her fist, clearing her throat and once more regaining her typical composure.
"I said a date. I would like to try one in the next few days, if that is alright with you, Senpai?"
Ritsuka didn't answer immediately, making her slightly nervous. She suspected that it was less due to wanting to go on a date, but more as to what their first date would be. Oh! She'd need to convince Mordred to help her ensure that Jeanne, Marie, and Boudica don't interfere like they had for the Knight of Rebellion's date with Jacob Senpai!
Re-focusing her attention on the Japanese Magus, she saw him nod slowly with a thoughtful expression on his face. Then, to her delight, he smiled at her. "I don't see why not. How about we discuss it more in the morning, during breakfast?"
"That sounds fine to me, Senpai," Mash said, feeling a bit, well, childish. "Well, I should get to bed. I'll see you in the morning." Ritsuka nodded again with that beautiful, warm smile of his.
"I will see you in the morning. I promise to be the best boyfriend possible for you, Mash."
The words sounded almost divine to the pink-haired girl's ears. She felt light-headed. She felt unstoppable, almost. She was hard-pressed to remember another time she had felt like this. More importantly, she didn't want this moment to end. She smiled sweetly at her new boyfriend.
"I know you will, Senpai. Goodnight," she said, before being bold and darting in to plant a second kiss. One that was returned swiftly. Breaking the kiss rather reluctantly, her boyfriend bid her a goodnight, and closed the door as a wide, giddy smile appeared in full force.
The smile didn't leave as she walked to her room, humming a tune under her breath.
She'd done it! She'd not only finally confessed her feeling to Ritsuka but had found out that they were returned! Marie and the others would be so happy to hear the news in the morning. Even if Ritsuka's Rider was probably going to heavily tease her about tonight.
She finished her jaunty tune just as she opened her door to her room. On her bed, next to her pajamas, was the one thing that could leaden her spirit. The location where the data pad that Doctor Roman had given her after her routine checkup still rested.
Her smile faltered briefly, before resuming, even if it was a little forced now as Doctor Roman's most recent medical report on her came to mind. She moved it onto the desk in her room, before she started changing her clothes.
Mash had re-read the contents on the data pad at least a dozen times. While the outcome was far from guaranteed, the outlook was rather bleak at the moment. All the more reason for her to focus on her latest objective.
Mash Kyrielight was going to make sure that she would give her boyfriend the best memories possible for the rest of their time together. For however long she had left, that is.
Original Endnotes: And done! Mash and Ritsuka are officially a couple! About damn time, eh? Still, a bittersweet ending, huh? So, what did y'all think? Good, bad, meh? Also, Drastolfo is now a thing, huh? :P Anyone saw that coming?
Next week is going to be the one-year anniversary of the story! I plan on posting Chapter 103 on the day of, so either the next chapter or 103 will be a day later than normal, but then it is back to the typical four day update schedule!
Now, for the question(s) of the chapter! First up: What is the most five/four star Servants you have ever pulled in a single 10 pull? For me, it was last week, where I got Emiya (Assassin) Wu Zetain, and Tamamo-no-Mae. Second question: of the events in FGO so far released this year, which one would you say has been your most favorite?
As always, thanks for reading, and also for all the support and love you've given this story! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and please let me know down below what you think! Have a wonderful day, and see you in Chapter 102!
Updated Endnotes 01/23/23: As always, you can find the fully-updated version of The Will to Fight on Archive of Our Own, with Chapter 235 having been posted today. Otherwise, I'll see you all in the next update here :)