Jade
"Peanut or regular?" Ava asks me, as we stand in at the front of the line at the food shack.
"Peanut," I say immediately. The regular M&Ms are overrated. Ava grins at me with a face of approval as she tells the, obviously fresh out of high school, boy our order. He hands us the pretzels and the M&Ms
"You know," Ava says as she leads me to a sticky picnic table, "The more time I spend with you, the cooler I realize you are."
I pour a handful of M&Ms into my mouth and furrow my brow at Ava.
"You're just really cool, and funny, and," Ava pauses, and looks down, "Pretty."
My stomach twists around, and I mentally slap myself. If I keep this silent weirdo vibe going on Ava will never want to… be my friend.
"Thanks Ava, you are too. It's been awhile since I've had a real… friend."
Somebody shoot me. I sound pathetic.
"How come you don't have many friends? What wouldn't they like?"
I blush. "I used to have friends, but we grew older, and they started being interested in the boys, and the makeup. And… I wasn't."
Ava nods, chewing her salty pretzel. She looks up at me, and our eyes connect. She really does have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, big and blue. The contrast between her light eyes and dark hair is… stunning.
"I'll be your friend Jade."
I try not to grin, "It would be my honour."
Ava and I giggle, and then fall into an almost uncomfortable silence.
Ava clears her throat. "Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend before?"
My eyes widen with the sudden question. Her cheeks get red. "Sorry. I was just wondering."
"No… um, I haven't. I've had people ask me out before, and I've gone on dates, but no one seems right. Yet." I lower my eyes. "Have you?"
"Yes," Ava says, "I had a girlfriend last year. We were best friends, then more, then we realized we loved each other, but not so much that we could be in a relationship, so now we're friends again. I also had a 'boyfriend' in fifth grade. But I don't count that anymore."
I nod at her and smile. For some strange reason, the thought of her being with anyone made me sick.
Ava stands up from the table and holds out her hand. I take it, my heart pounding. Her hand is soft and delicate, yet sturdy. I knew she wouldn't let me go. She leads me away from the table, and into the crowd. The game has started, and I catch a glimpse of Kaylee running down the field, but her sister is distracting me so much, I couldn't pay attention. Instead, I am focusing on every point in our hands where our skin is meeting. It feels like it is on fire.
Ava's dark hair billows down her back and she bounds through the people. My hand starts to slip away, so she grips it harder.
"Ava!" I shout out, fighting back a grin, "Where are we going?"
She giggles, and looks back at me. She slows down and soon we stand next to each other, not breaking apart our hands.
So we don't get lost in the crowd, I tell myself.
Ava leans in, "Up high on the bleachers you get the best view."
I look up to the bleachers, they are packed with highschool students. I swallow.
Ava squeezes my hand, "Hey, you're a Lopez-Pierce, a few highschoolers shouldn't scare you."
I nod and smile shyly at her, "Let's go."
This time we move together through the crowd, and we find two empty seats in the last row of the bleachers. It's chilly up here, and I notice Ava's little nose turns red from the cold. It's adorable. From way up here, I can see the whole field. It looks so different from during the school day. It's packed with people, adults, siblings, grandparents, students. Some little kids are starting their own soccer game a bit from the sidelines. The smell of fried food wafts up to us, and I breathe in. It reminds me of the fair that comes into town every year around this time of year. I glance at Ava, maybe she would want to come with me this year.
"Who knew freshman soccer games are such the rave this year," Ava says, looking around.
"That's what I was thinking," I say. "Hey, I can see our parents!"
I point across the field at my moms, brothers, and Ava's dad. My mami is laying her head on my mom's lap, and the twins are playing off to the side. Mom is running her fingers through Mami's hair and talking to Ava's dad. I smile at them. I'm glad they're getting along.
Ava giggles. I turn to her. "What is it?"
"Guess what I learned!" Ava sings.
"What?"
"Our parents knew each other in highschool."
"Yeah, your dad told me that when he was driving me home."
Ava doesn't stop smiling.
"What?"
"Guess what else I learned," she says.
"What?"
"You're mom and my dad fucked."
My jaw drops open. Ava bursts out laughing. "That's disgusting!" I exclaim. Ava giggles, "I know!"
"Which one?" I ask, closing my eyes, not really wanting to know.
"The blonde one," Ava says, holding back a laugh.
"Ok ok stop!" I shout, holding my ears, "Too much information! Too much information!"
Ava holds her stomach, bending over in laughter. "Ok Jade, it's bad for me too."
Ava and I settle in our seats, and I decide it's my turn to start conversation. "Tell me about your dad," I say. Ava smiles.
"He met my mother in college, and they had Kaylee, and then me within a year of being married. My mother left us a few months after I was born, and so our dad raised us by himself. He says it was hard being a single father, he had to bring our grandma with us whenever we went shopping, so if we needed to be changed, we could go into the bathrooms, since there were no changing tables in the men's room. But he did it. He's a great dad, really chill but makes sure we're good kids, ya know? Anyway, he's an accountant. And we're happy."
"Sounds like a cool dude," I say, causing Ava to laugh.
"Now what about your parents?"
"What do you want to know?"
"Oh come on, you're mami is a famous music producer and your mom is a genius, you must have some interesting stories."
I bite my lip, "Well, my mami is the coolest person I know. She's a badass, and she doesn't take no shit from nobody. She's from Lima Height Adjacent, so she was practically raised on insults. Seriously Ava, you do not want to mess with her."
Ava nods, "Noted."
"My mami carried me, but she never stopped working, even when she was nine months pregnant with me. My mom is the best. She's sweet, and funny, and caring. But she won't stop to protect her family. She carried the twins. They actually live in a rom-com, it's ridiculous. But their love story is… magical. It's a story for another time, maybe we can even get them to tell it."
"Wow," Ava says, laughing, "They sound awesome. It must be amazing having them as parents, I can't imagine knowing 100% that your parents will love you no matter what."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, my dad is awesome, and I know that. But still, it was terrifying coming out to him, just because there was a little sliver of a chance he wouldn't be okay with it."
I start to sweat, I know what's coming.
Ava continues, "It must be nice to know that when you came out to them, or whenever you're going to come out to them…" Ava falters, seeing the look on my face, "They'll be okay with it," she finishes quietly.
We stare at each other in silence. My heart beats so loudly, I can't even hear the sounds of the game. Ava thinks I'm gay. And she's definitely been flirting with me this whole time. Have I been flirting back? And why does she make me so nervous? This is what a crush feels like… but she's a girl. I don't know what to say, I don't want to shut her down, for some reason I want her to like me that way.
Ava blushes and looks down at her lap. "I fucked up didn't I."
I open my mouth, and sigh.
Ava buries her head in her hands. "Shit. I'm so sorry, I thought-"
"No," I interrupt her, "It's ok. I still don't really know. I mean, I don't know if I like girls, or guys, or both, or somewhere in between. All I know is…" I take a deep breath. Come on Jade, I think, Make your mami proud. "All I know is, I had a really really fun time with you today."
Ava tilts her head at me. I know she's trying to decode my sentences. So am I. I could have just friendzoned her, or I could just-
I lean in and peck her cheek. It's cold, but soft. I lean back and look at Ava. Her mouth is fighting a grin.
"I had a really fun time too," she said. I stare into her blue eyes, and I'm overcome with this huge urge to lean in again, and close my eyes, and-
Ring… ring… ring
I blush, and lean back, scrambling to grab my phone. I pick up and shrug at Ava.
"Hey chica, trae tu trasero aquí," my Mami's sharp voice cuts through the phone.
"Perdon Mami," I say, "I'll be right down. Un momento."
"Mi amor, your brother needs a nap, and so do I. You hang up this phone I will whoop your ass."
"Ok Mami!" I exclaim, shaking my head at Ava apologetically, "I'm coming, can I just say bye?"
"Go ahead," Mami says.
I wait for her to hang up, but she doesn't so it's clear I have to say goodbye in front of her. "Sorry Ava, I'll text you later." I shoot her a smile that I hope says a million things, and start down the bleachers towards my family. As I walk, my mind starts spinning.
I don't know if I'm a lesbian, but I do know one thing. Ava Williams makes me feel a way I've never felt before.
Santana
My wife leans over to me as we're getting into the car. "Don't say anything," she whispers in my ear. Before she moves away she flicks her tongue at my cheek and squeezes my arm quickly, before walking around to her side of the car and sliding in.
As we drive away, Jade pulls out her phone and smiles at something. I know it's a message from Ava. Brittany rests a hand on my arm, silently telling me not to say anything. I bite my lip, trying to hold my tongue.
"So," Brittany says, "How did you like the soccer game, Tyler?"
Tyler looks up at us, and his pale face breaks out into a grin. "Ball!"
I smile, "Yeah, soccer ball. Do you want to be a soccer player when you grow up buddy?"
"Sah coh ball!"
Brittany smiles at him proudly, and then smiles at me, her eyes filled with so much love. "Good job little man," she says. I remove one hand from the wheel to place it on the back of Brittany's neck, rubbing it softly.
"What about you James?" I ask my other son, who's rested his head on the side of the car seat. "Did you like the game?"
He grins at me, "Si Mami!"
"Buen español,' I say, "Good spanish!"
I glance at my daughter. She's still smiling dopely at her phone. "What about you JJ? Was the game fun for you?"
"Yes Mami," she says, not looking up.
"Kaylee was really good, I still can't believe that last score she made, it was amazing."
"Mhm," Jade says, glancing at me, "It was a good goal."
I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, feeling a literal pull to maybe ruin everything. "Kaylee never scored Jade, were you watching the game, or were you too tied up in your secret girlfriend-"
"Santana!"
"Mom!" Jade exclaims, "Why would you say that, she's not even- where did you- I'm not gay!" Jade buries her head in her lap and I hear sniffles coming from the back.
Brittany covers her eyes with her hands. Thankfully, we pull into the house a few moments later. Jade immediately unbuckles and slips out of the car. "Jade…" I call after her.
"Leave me alone!" she shouts, bursting into sobs as she slams the front door shut. Brittany and I sit in silence.
"Santana, why would you say that? You of all people know that it doesn't feel good to be pressured into anything. She knows we love her, she'll come to us when she's ready," Brittany says.
"Yeah so why didn't she come to us?" I say, trying to keep my voice steady, "Did she think we would be like… my abuela or the other pieces of shit we've had to deal with?'
"No…"
"So then why Britt? I always thought she would come to us for anything, and now she's keeping something this big from us. It's not cool."
Brittany touches my cheek. "Imagine being her age again baby, imagine being so confused and terrified by the feelings you were feeling. You have awesome parents, but it still took you years to come out to everyone. I know how scary it was for you, I was there from the start. You need to put yourself in her shoes."
I sigh, "I know, I just always told myself I wouldn't be like all those people, I wanted to be the best for my kids."
Brittany laughs, "Sanny you're a lesbian! Jade knows you're not homophobic, she knows you won't care."
I giggle, "I know, I'm being stupid."
Brittany caresses my cheek, "No, you're being the awesome mother I knew you would be."
I melt into my beautiful wifes touch. "I'm also a little scared, the things we got away with when we were that age, because no one suspected we were anything more than friends. We can't let things get too serious between them before we set boundaries."
Brittany stares off into space, a dreamy look on her face. "I remember the things we got away with, remember that time at Cheerios camp?"
"Brittany…"
"Remember that time in your brother's room?"
"Babe, did you hear me?"
"Remember when we did it on the bus back from Sectionals?"
"Brittany!" I say with a giggle.
"Ok sorry Santana! Yes, I agree completely, we need to set boundaries, but first, we'll wait." Brittany and I nod. "Let's go inside," Brittany says, opening the door. I follow her, and we walk inside.
"Tyler, please, go to sleep. For Mami!"
"NO!" My son screeches. I struggle to rock him quiet. His brother is sleeping perfectly fine in the room next to us, and I don't want him to wake up.
"Please Tyler," I beg, "Mami has to go to bed too, I'll be cranky in the morning if I don't."
I push my son's curly hair out of his face, and kiss his cheek, pushing him into my shoulder, desperate for him to rest his head down and fall asleep.
"No Mami!" He screams, pushing away from me.
I growl, we've been at this for almost half an hour. I'm ready to sleep. "Tyler Lopez-Peirce!" I exclaim through gritted teeth, "You stop that right now and go to sleep, or you're never going to wake up again."
Tyler looks up at me in surprise, and I see his lower lip quiver. "Oh no," I mumble. Tyler throws back his head and lets out a blood curdling sob.
"Mommy! Mommy!" he cries, begging for Brittany.
I groan, "I'm sorry nino, I didn't mean to yell, just calm down please, Mommy's resting."
But he doesn't calm down, he just keeps on screaming and crying, until I'm forced to carry him into our room and shove him into Brittany's arms.
She looks up at me in concern and cradles our son close to her chest, and his cries immediately subside. With a few sniffles, he melts into her and closes his eyes. I clench my fists, and take a deep breath. Why can't it be that easy for me? Why do I always mess things up? Why can't I love like a normal person?
"What happened?" Brittany whispers, both of her hands rubbing Tyler's back. She bounces softly with him, and the sniffles stop. He's fallen asleep.
I shake my head, "He wouldn't stop crying, and I just got angry and overwhelmed, and I yelled at him," I say, looking down, trying not to cry. Brittany frowns at me. "I'm sorry," I say, "I'm just, not good at this."
"Not good at what?" Brittany asks softly.
"I don't know Britt, being a mom! Being soft and gentle and… maternal. It's not me."
Brittany smiles at me and pats the spot on the bed next to her. I immediately take it, and rest my hand on her shoulder, playing with a lock of her golden hair.
"I know Santana," she says, "But I still love you, and so do the kids. You are an amazing mother. You have a very hot temper and you get frustrated easily, but everyone knows not to mess with the Lopez's. Everyone knows you would stop at nothing to protect your kids, and in the end, that's all that matters."
I sigh, "Thanks Brittany, I love you."
"Love you too, now let's put Tyler in his crib."
To my surprise, Brittany places our sleeping son in my arms. She nods, and I hug him closely. "I'm sorry," I whisper in his ear. "I love you so much."
Even though I know he's asleep, I feel him melt into me a little, accepting my apology. I carry him to his crib and place him inside, kissing his sweaty forehead.
After I quietly close the door, I turn around and find my wife staring at me intently from across the hall. She grins at me, "Those pants make your ass look hot."
I laugh, looking down, "These are my mom's sweatpants."
Brittany shrugs, "Well then, your ass looks hot in everything."
I sigh and go to her, wrapping my arms around her tightly, just breathing in her scent and memorizing how she feels in my arms. Her hands grip me just as tightly and I can tell she's doing the same thing.
"I love you so much," we mutter at the exact same time, making each other giggle.
"Is Jade asleep?" I ask. I feel Brittany shaking her head. Her face is nuzzled snuggly into my neck, and I can feel each puff of air as she breathes. It takes all of my willpower to pull away, I keep my hands on her sides and press my forehead against hers.
"We should go talk to her," I say, "Shouldn't we?"
Brittany sighs and nods. She puckers her lips for a quick kiss and I quickly supply. As we break apart I stick out my pinkie towards her. She links her own in mine and we walk down the hallway, both of us eager to go to bed.
Jade
I hear my moms' footsteps coming down the hall, and I brace myself for whatever's coming. They knock on my door, and I don't respond, so they come in. I'm sitting in my bed, with a book sitting open in my lap, but I'm not doing any reading. My head is too filled with thoughts.
"JJ," my mami says, sitting on my bed, "We need to talk."
I turn my head away from her. I'm still mad about the car incident, the way she just shot that out there terrified me, and she's my mom. She's supposed to make me feel safe.
"I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I was just nervous that you were growing up quicker than I thought you would. You're almost an adult, I should have known you would start dating soon."
My mom interjects, "And we are not saying that you are dating Ava, but you have our full blessing."
"I'm not dating Ava," I say quietly.
"Do you want to?" my mami asks.
"I… don't know. Being gay didn't even cross my mind until I met her."
"Being gay didn't cross my mind before I met Brittany. Actually, even after we had made out and stuff, I still didn't think I was gay. I didn't grow up in a community where those feelings were okay to have, so I pushed them away. And all I want is for you to know that you don't have to push those feelings away Jade. Plus, she's obviously into you, so what's the worst that could happen?"
I smile at my mami. "You think she likes me?"
My mom laughs, "Of course she likes you, you're basically a replica of the hottest person on earth."
"Gross!" I exclaim, while my mami laughs.
"Do you like her?" my mami asks.
"I… yes."
Both of my mom's smile at each other, and I realize how lucky I am to be raised by them.
"I love you guys," I say, holding back tears. My mom throws herself on my bed and hugs me tightly, kissing my cheek repetitively. I laugh, and my mami snuggles herself between us.
"We love you too, my perfect daughter," my mom says between kisses. The three of us stay there for a minute, just enjoying eachothers company, before we hear one of my brothers cry. My mami groans and pushes my mom off the bed.
"Your turn," she says, wrapping her arms around me, claiming her spot on my bed. My mom scowls at her, but I see love etched in the cracks of the expression. As she turns around and walks out of my room, Mami grins.
"Doesn't your mom have the hottest ass?" she asks me innocently.
"Eww!" I squirm away from her. Mami laughs, and sits up.
"Okay," she says, "this has been far too much cuddling. It's time for some girl talk," she smirks at me, "literally."
I roll my eyes, "Can we not do this?"
Mami nudges me, "Come on JJ, I just want to hear about her. I want to know about her, that's all. I promise I won't be gross."
I smile at her and rest my head on a pillow. "Okay, well she's really interesting. She seems to know what she wants, you know? She's outgoing, funny, and nice."
Mami smiles at me. It's nice to see her smile. "Oh, you'll like this one."
"What do you mean?" Mami raises her head.
I grin, "She's a dancer."
My mami's mouth drops open and she hits my arm, "That's my girl," she exclaims, laughing harder than I've ever heard her laugh. I join her, and soon we've fallen into complete hysterics.
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