Meant to upload this chapter here over the week, but it's here now! Thank you to everyone for leaving the likes and reviews. This chapter begins to address the one major AU twist and how it went on to effect things. Enjoy!
Together we slowly stroll toward the walkway that runs parallel to the pond. My aching muscles seem to shudder with each step but Sora supports my weight and keeps to a gentle pace that I can manage. We walk north along the water's edge as Sora apparently scans the area for a bench with suitable scenery. If we have the park to ourselves then we might as well find the best seat in the house right? Strolling up the strip of land not far from the boat rental dock, I am rather curious to know what spot Sora has in mind for us. When we have come here in the past, traditionally we just plop down on whatever bench is open and convenient; however tonight Sora obviously has something special in mind. Eventually, she leads us onto a raised viewing platform above the northern side of the main pond. Sora observes our surroundings for a number of seconds, gazes briefly between the various benches, then approaches one that is roughly in the middle of the raised wooden deck. She lowers herself onto the seat, then pats the open space next to her, and I do not hesitate to get off my aching feet; slumping down heavily next to her. Huffing slightly, my cloudy breath spreads through the frosty lamp-lit air. With time my body begins to find it's natural tempo once again. We sit in silence for a while, Sora is looking around at the surrounding city, and I am watching her as she scans the horizon.
"Do you know why I picked this spot in particular Taichi?" She turns to me, looking directly into my eyes.
I shake my head.
She raises her finger towards the northwestern skyline. "Over in that direction, though it's too far to really see much detail from here, is Hikarigaoka" She says fondly in a low voice.
"Where we used to live...and where we first met!" I exclaim feeling an instantaneous shared wave of nostalgia wash over us.
"Exactly." Sora says warmly, and I can tell she is smiling just from her tone. "And over there…" She continues, twisting her body around and pointing all the way to the left of us, where off in the distance, between some skyscrapers, if you look hard enough you can just barely make out a glowing bridge by the Tokyo bay. "Is where we grew up..."
"...Odaiba." I whisper, surprised by my own guttural emotional reaction. "You really did pick the best spot in the park Sora..." With that she snuggles closer to me, opting to rest her head on my shoulder.
"I thought you'd like it." She whispers into my ear.
I strain my eyes to observe the rainbow bridge. After living with Sora in Odaiba for most of my life, it feels rather strange to have that bridge be so far away from us now. "Hey Sora, do you often find yourself missing home?" I ask her suddenly in response to my own thoughts.
"All the time, it's strange not being close enough to visit our parents regularly. Even if we could make the trip, often we are just too busy with everything on campus as well. Of course we don't get to see our friends from Odaiba that often either; I do really miss them. But...I also really like University; you know my parents, I love them with all of my heart, but they can be very strict and traditional; my mother especially. Being away at school like this, well I have access to a level of independence that I've never really known before. That is unless you count our days in the Digital World anyway. It's a bit scary, but it's also really nice to be my own boss in life. Plus honestly Taichi, having you at college with me makes being away from Odaiba one hundred times easier. I'm really glad you helped push me to come here."
"That's funny." I say quietly, as I consider her words.
"What is?" She asks, lifting her head from my shoulder, clearly a bit perplexed.
"I was just thinking the same thing...that is...I'm really glad you came to university with me Sora. Wouldn't be the same without you." Wouldn't be home with you either. I think to myself, but bite my tongue.
"Aww, how sweet! And here I was worried that my drunken bestie was about to blurt out something inconsiderate again…I tease Taichi...mainly…" She giggles gently, laying her head back down upon my shoulder.
I join her, as we share a light laugh. "I think I'm finally sobering up at this point."
"I'm glad." Sora says simply, then continues. "What about you Taichi, do you miss Odaiba a lot?
"Yeah, I miss home a lot more than I ever realized that I would. I was pretty ready to get out there on my own after highschool, and finally figure out what the heck I should do with my life. But now and again, like sometimes late at night when I'm laying in bed, I think about home. But it's always too late at night to go calling our apartment. I mean I miss Hikari, my parents, the other Digidestined, being able to go for a bike ride around Odaiba to clear my head, and all that stuff you know?"
"Yeah...I know what you mean." She says softly. "Honestly, I'm a bit surprised you don't call your mother more often. I know she'd like you to...not trying to give you a hard time of course Taichi. It's just strange to me. Your mom's been supportive of you since, well since as far back as I can remember. She really seems to believe that you and Hikari can do anything you set your minds to. Ever since I was little, my mom seems to have imagined me growing up and following in her footsteps with Ikebana. In a lot of ways our mother's have always been polar opposites, but I know they both love us more than we will ever fully comprehend."
Sora's words seem to stir up emotions deep within me. It is a subject that honestly, I've gone out of my way to avoid thinking about. "You're right Sora, and really I should call her more often. It's just...I don't know sometimes I feel like she sees more greatness in me than I see in myself. Like she overestimates what I'm capable of. I don't know why, but when I talk with her on the phone I find myself feeling awkward, and sometimes even a bit angsty for no good reason. Like you said, she's always been supportive of us. Even before we were Digidestined she seemed to think that we could take on the world. Remember how she was one of the first adults to embrace our Digimon, despite the fact that we were small children walking around with monsters? It should be easy to reach out to her every week, I don't really know what my issue is to be honest."
Sora reaches out and ever so gently holds my wounded hand for support. "We're at a pretty pivotal point in our lives Taichi, university is all about figuring out what we want to do, and I guess who we want to be by extension. She has every reason to be proud of you, but still it concerns you. If you're worried that you'll let her down, I understand, truly I do. I know something about feeling like a let down. I had to fight for university, yet now that we are approaching graduation I still don't know exactly what I'm going to do with my career. I keep thinking that they'll be so disappointed in me. I mean my mom didn't even want me to go to college. You remember of course, she was upset with me when I even floated the idea. She took it as a rejection of the family floral business, of the skills she taught me, maybe even of our family name itself to an extent. I've always been a bit different from her, and that was something she struggled to come to terms with."
"We tried our best to see eye to eye with each other over the years, but there were days when it was very difficult for both my mother and I. The idea of me running off to university distressed her, as if it was somehow an indication that she failed me as a parent; it wasn't obviously, just an effort for me to find out who Takenouchi Sora really is and what she stands for. But my mother didn't view it as a personal issue, she viewed it as a family matter. I'm their only child, and so the family name rests squarely on my shoulders. Even my father, a well-regarded professor himself, stayed largely neutral on the matter. Of course he said that he would support me in furthering my education, but added that it was an issue that my mother and I needed to work out. But it's my life, all I wanted was his open support to make my own decisions." I sense Sora getting frustrated even as she speaks, and I give her hand a gentle squeeze to remind her that I'm there for her.
Sora looks at me with tears welling in her already irritated eyes. "Sorry Taichi, you already know all this; besides you were talking about your family situation. I didn't mean to override you." She says bashfully as she wipes her eyes.
"No, Sora, please go on. I want to hear what you have to say, what you are feeling. I know I've never been great at responding to your feelings or knowing the right thing to say. But I want to be here for you Sora, it's what I've... always wanted." I say as I gently rub my thumb back and forth over the backside of her hand. "Speak your mind Sora, I'm listening."
Sora looks positively shocked by my response, I hope in a good way, as I really do have a history of putting my foot in my mouth with her. She inhales deeply trying to center herself. "Thanks Taichi...I haven't thought much about these things for a while; no idea why it's all bubbling to the surface now." She utters with a jagged breath, then pauses seemingly looking for the right words. "I just never imagined that the idea of me exploring different careers would be so controversial in my household. Sure, I was beyond nervous to tell her that I was considering college; it took me weeks to build the courage to do so in fact, but deep down I hoped that she would be understanding. But she shut down on me, acted as though it was a personal betrayal even though she never outright said it. She gave me the cold shoulder for days, and then said the only reason I was doing it was to "rebel against her." It was as though I was never expected to make my own life choices, as though I was a woman living in the feudal era or something. Be what your family expects you to be, marry who your family expects you to marry. It is so aggravating, but I also know that it's not one sided. Over the years she and I made a lot of compromises for the sake of our relationship."
Sora looks at me and takes another deep breath before continuing. "You know better than anyone Taichi that I was far from a traditional Japanese daughter, whatever that is supposed to mean anyway. From the moment I was old enough to leave the house on my own two feet, I wanted nothing to do with dolls, dresses, and daintiness; instead I wanted challenge and adventure. It wasn't so much that I wanted to "be like a boy", I just wanted to be me. My parents of course realized this and for a number of years my mom let me live that lifestyle; but after I injured my knee all of that changed. I know she genuinely cared and worried about me, but I loved playing soccer with the girls and with you, it was part of my identity."
"At first she wanted me to give up sports entirely and instead work at the flower shop every day. In fact, that was the last argument we had before I left for summer camp, and incidentally we all ended up in the Digital World. After we made it back home, my mother and I spent a lot of time talking. She did care about my feelings and she did love me, but she's traditional, and heavily disliked the idea of her daughter playing a "rough and dangerous" sport like soccer. She really hated how I injured my leg and was worried that it might be something more serious next time. But I told her that the idea of being forced to give up sports entirely made me miserable."
"So my mother listened to my needs, not conceding entirely of course, but she suggested that I pick up tennis instead. Tennis would still allow me to remain physically active, but it was a solo sport that involved practically zero physical contact with other players. We loved each other deeply and wanted to make it work; so we struck a bargain. I worked in the flower shop part time, but only when I didn't have tennis matches or practice to attend. As you obviously know I also insisted that I be allowed to hang out with you and the others, but promised we wouldn't play soccer anymore. Neither of us were fully happy with the resulting arrangement, but at the same time it became deeply meaningful that we both gave up something that we wanted for the sake of one another. We both made concessions, but neither party had to fully lose out. My mother and I coexisted like that for many years, discussing our issues and making compromises."
"However, that was just the problem with going to university, there was no bargain to be made. I couldn't physically attend the University of Tokyo with you on the mainland, and help run the flower shop back in Odaiba at the same time. Sure I could assist her seasonally, but she was used to me being her primary assistant and protégé. Besides when I did come back in the off season, I would be out of practice and my mother would surely notice that fact. There were no two ways about it, in this case someone had to win and someone had to lose, there would be no great compromise…" The pain is more than apparent in her voice as she takes a deep inhale to steady herself. "I can't believe it is years later and I'm still not over this..."
I take a slight lull in her retelling as an opportunity to comment. "I know you've shared some details with me as well as our friends in the past, but perhaps you simply need time to think and talk it all out. I know sometimes you stop yourself from really opening up, even to Mimi or Hikari because you're worried about becoming a burden to others; despite the fact that you and I both know they would never see you as such." I make the suggestion in an attempt to comfort her and reconfirm that I do not mind listening to her story. "Of course I remember that time quite well Sora, you were absolutely devastated; and in the moment, you seemed certain that you would have to be the one who would end up sacrificing their goals. Even though it was over three years ago now, I remember that late night call like it was yesterday. Your mother was so upset that she wouldn't even hear you out. And your father wouldn't argue on your behalf, despite the fact that he admitted you would likely thrive in college, despite the fact that your parents wouldn't have met if it wasn't for his university. I wanted to be supportive of you, but I just remember you sounding so hurt and hopeless over the phone. Inside I was terrified that they would force you to stay and work at your mother's shop. You know I think a lot of your parents, but all of that, it just wasn't fair to you. It was a very important matter to you and they weren't treating you like an adult, it's no surprise that you still have strong feelings in regard to that situation." I say hoping I'm not overstepping my boundaries by criticizing her parents.
Sora just nods to my statement however, and looks back out over the large body of water. "You know...if it wasn't for everyone backing me up...I probably wouldn't be here today. I've never been one to put my foot down with my mother, and when I do it doesn't usually go very well. Truthfully, I started to feel guilty about even considering university, as though I was actually the one being selfish and disrespectful to my family. But Mimi, Hikari, Yamato...Piyomon...and you, well you guys wouldn't hear it. You all insisted that "it was my life and my choice at the end of the day"; you were right of course, but after almost a decade of cultivating a positive relationship with my mother, well I couldn't just throw it all out to chase unknown passions. So when I was ready to sacrifice an academic future for my mother's sake, Taichi you begged me to have a full family sit down with both of my parents, and explain exactly what it would mean for me to have their open support to go to university. I was afraid to confront them after they reacted as they initially did, but you gave me the courage to see it through. Later when my mother and father hugged me, told me that they were very proud of me, and that they would miss me when I was away at school; well I just broke down on the spot. I know I told Mimi, but don't think I ever told you that part of the story. I was so mentally prepared for a rejection that never came, and the support and love that I felt was almost unreal. When I went to my bedroom afterwards, Piyomon was instantaneously under the impression that they rejected my bid for college, because I literally couldn't stop crying long enough to tell her what happened. I was so overwhelmed that evening, I wanted to call you first and foremost, but I decided that I wanted to tell you the good news in person, and preferably not when I was bawling my eyes out."
I nod at her recollecting the following conversation well. "You had me meet you bright and early on the soccer field where we used to play by my house, you wouldn't tell me why, but I knew it had to have something to do with college. Walking to the park that morning, I was seriously under the impression that we were meeting so that you could break the news to me lightly; that I would be going off to university without you. I've never been so happy to be wrong about something. Crazy to think all of that is so long behind us now right?"
"Yeah seriously...I can't even imagine what my life would be like today, had all of you not given me that boost to come here. "
"We pushed you to confront your parents because we knew it wasn't just about going to college, it was about having the ability to make your own choices in life. None of us would have judged you if you decided to pass on university, but it needed to be your decision, not your parents. All we did, Sora, was tell you what you already knew. You're the one who confronted your traditional parents, not us. I didn't give you that courage, you already had it within you...You know...when I went off on you before…" I pause as I feel a little hesitant to finish the statement. But Sora gives me a gentle look that tells me it's ok to continue. "Which I am very sorry about by the way..."
"It's alright Taichi, I mean it's not...but you know what I'm trying to say. I've had my share of blockheaded moments too. I know you didn't mean it the way it came out...it just hurt to hear you sound so frustrated...so done with me. It felt like you thought I was being disingenuous in my praises, which couldn't be further from the truth. You've never spoken to me quite like that and to be honest it kind of freaked me out." She speaks rather dolefully.
"I really am so sorry Sora. The truth is it does make me sad when it feels like you don't give yourself credit, when you don't see your own potential. But that's only because I've seen how capable you are first hand. So I really dislike when you sell yourself short. Not everybody would have been able to have that conversation with their parents, especially when your mother was as adamantly against university as she was. You're braver than you think you are. But it's so much more than that...Look...I never told anyone this, not even Hikari...you know when Yamato and I first worked out our friendship, he more or less became the de facto co-leader of the Digidestined?"
She nods at me slowly.
"Well if you had asked me at the time who my co-leader was, I would have said you."
Sora gazes at me with utter disbelief. "Your co-leader...what...what do you mean?"
"Sora, if there was anybody that I trusted back in the Digital World above all others, maybe even more than Agumon, it was you. You were wicked smart, had great instincts, were deeply caring, kept a cool head, and literally always had my back. I know you tend to criticize yourself for certain moments, like when you ran off from the rest of the group after the incident at the pyramid, but I won't ever forget that the entire reason you ran off on your own in the first place was to look for me. I was lost and separated from the group so you were worried about me. And the only reason you stayed away was because someone hurt you and tried to convince you that you weren't worthy of your crest, that you didn't deserve to be part of the team. Even then you continued to watch and support us from the shadows. You didn't walk away out of selfish reasons, quite the opposite in fact; you hid from us because you were misguidedly afraid that you would hold us back, that you somehow weren't worthy to be a Digidestined. In reality though, you're more worthy than anyone I know…and I am not just saying that to console you, I truly believe that you were the best of us."
"I don't mean to sell myself short...sometimes I just…" She pauses. "You really felt this way back then Taichi? Don't get me wrong I know you trusted me and I you, but co-leader?" She says trailing off to a contemplative silence.
"Still do." I nod. "Honestly, I should have told you this years ago; but I thought that it was all perhaps a bit petty, me dictating who I thought was worthy of a group title when we were fighting for our lives. I was the one who wanted to be "leader of the Digidestined", you just wanted to help people who needed us and find a way home. I knew you didn't care about titles like that, and though you had plenty of confidence in us, you probably wouldn't have even seen yourself as worthy of such a title. But in my head and in my heart, I knew you were the glue that kept us together; my co-captain who I very literally never would have survived without. I really mean it Sora. Yamato means a lot to me, don't get me wrong, but you guys were on a different level; to my shame I never properly expressed that to you. In the years that followed, you pulled back from being a Digidestined, so it became more concrete to everyone that Yamato was second in command. With our Mega forms and with Omnimon it seemed almost fated to be that way. But your crest wasn't accidental Sora, and I still believe that you were the very heart of our group. I mean who was it who broke up the constant fights between Yamato and I, and did her best to have us see eye to eye? Who defended my leadership when the others lost faith in me? Who helped me think over all of my strategies? Who would help us stay positive when we felt lost and defeated? Who puts the safety and wellbeing of everyone before themselves? Who supported each of us, but was never afraid to show someone the error of their ways? Who never left my side no matter how dangerous or uncertain our mission became? You said before that I was the one who turned us into a team, and while that may be the case, you were the one who kept that team together, who helped to give that team purpose. You may have slowly backed out of your active combat role over the years, but you were still always there for us when we really needed you. When it mattered most I could always count on you Sora, and I will never ever forget that."
I find myself wanting to say more, but at a loss of where to go next. Before I can collect my thoughts, I feel Sora's arms wrap themselves tightly around my waist, her head gently resting on my shoulder once again. "Thanks Taichi...I never knew. Years later or not, it means a lot to hear you say those things."
"It's true Sora, I swear it. You mean a lot to me and you always have." I say softly embracing her warmth. "Now that I've finally said it, honestly I feel pretty guilty for making you wait to hear it for so long..."
She hushes me then. "It isn't as though I haven't known that you care for me Taichi. I've spent nearly my entire life growing up by your side; I just never knew you felt so intensely about my role in the team, especially back then. Hearing this now honestly is a little overwhelming; yet I can't say I blame an eleven year old boy who was trying to save everyone, for not being able to communicate complex emotions like an adult. And you're not wrong, even though I could shove it to the back of my mind when someone needed my help, I wasn't exactly overflowing with self-confidence back then, particularly when it came to my crest as you know. I'm not sure what the heck I would have even done with you naming me co-leader at the time; even now the concept feels strange, not to say I dislike it...it's just strange...College aged or not I'm just happy you've told me."
We sit there embracing for an unknown amount of time, enjoying the calm of the night together. This time the silence doesn't lead to any self-deprecating thoughts on my behalf, but a sense of tranquility instead. It honestly feels really good to have finally expressed to Sora how much her support meant to me back in the Digital World. While I'm usually more than comfortable to share much of my feelings with Sora, Hikari, Yamato or...Agumon; there are some subjects that I'm not comfortable broaching with all four of them. In fact, and perhaps it's not that unusual, but there are some subjects that I keep entirely to myself, especially in recent years. This was one of those cases, my thoughts that Sora deserved to be our official co-leader, having been locked in my head for over a decade. To the point that I'm pleasantly surprised that I had the courage to tell her tonight.
Not to say that I never tried to convince Sora that she doesn't give herself enough credit, but I feel I am something of a hypocrite for getting frustrated by her self-doubt yet keeping the depth of my admiration from her. I love seeing Sora smiling and confident; and though I feel guilty for keeping my feelings for her, that sense is overpowered by a profound feeling of content for being with her tonight. In those moments resting with Sora by the waterside I determine to address the elephant in the room directly so to speak, that is if she is willing to discuss it; as I feel this chat has already done wonders for us and may continue to lift her spirits after a rough evening.
"Sora?" I say gently breaking the long silence, to which I feel her shifting slightly against me.
"Hmm?" She mouths quietly, still likely lost in her own train of thought.
"Can we talk about tonight, Sora? I mean like with the party and everything?" I ask her a little awkwardly.
I can tell from her movements that she has heard me, as I felt her entire body stiffen in response to the question; yet she remains dead silent for a number of seconds.
"Only if you are up for it of course Sora, we can always chat about it another time, or even forget I mentioned it at all if you prefer." I say trying to reassure her that it was more of a request than a demand.
She is silent again, and at this point I'm not sure what to say, worrying that I may have ruined our moment together. Fortunately, I don't end up having to find other words as Sora eventually responds. "No...it's ok Taichi, we can talk about it. But perhaps on our walk back to my apartment? Are you feeling better?" She asks with genuine concern and a pause. "Cuz I'm the one wearing a jacket and even I'm starting to get pretty cold at this point. The lake's beautiful right now but the cold air coming off of it isn't exactly helping our body temperatures. I'm really glad we came out here but you're already injured and I don't want you getting sick as well."
Even though every part of my body which is not pressed up against Sora is absolutely freezing, it feels a shame to leave this place. I was really enjoying us having the park to ourselves, but doubtlessly Sora is right, we really should get moving before either of us gets sick or it gets even later than it already is. So after a brief pause I nod gently to her. "Yeah my feet are feeling ten times better and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling a bit chilly myself. But Sora?" I say trailing off.
"Yes Taichi?" She asks, looking into my eyes with marked curiosity.
"We haven't been going to the park like this in some time. Do you think we could do this again soon...the two of us?" I ask a little bashfully.
She takes the briefest of pauses and smiles gently before answering "I'd love to Taichi. Let's just remember to both wear proper attire next time." She chuckles gently. With that she slowly stands herself up and offers me her hand once again; and once again Sora helps pull me to my feet. My muscles quiver slightly under my weight and I can tell that I'm going to be sore tomorrow; but our rest on the bench has given me enough energy to at least make it back to Sora's place, and then my apartment after that.
"Might have skipped my workout this morning had I known I'd be running around like this." I joke to Sora as I stretch my legs.
Sora giggles gently then leads us towards the viewing platform's exit. "Worry not for your poor legs, I don't plan on us needing to do anymore running tonight, at least I certainly hope not." She stays close and seems to eye me with extra caution as we make our way down the few steps leading back to the lakeside pathway.