As we trek south, tracing our earlier steps back through the park, I take notice as Sora reaches into her pant pockets and appears to become a bit distressed.
"Is everything ok Sora?" I ask her.
"My phone...I guess I left it in my jacket back at the clubhouse, that wasn't too bright." She groans to herself.
Suddenly I'm even more relieved that I found Sora tonight. Had she wound up in some kind of trouble, she wouldn't have had any easy time calling for help without her phone. "Try not to worry too much, I've got my phone on me and I'm not going anywhere. Plus you don't have to worry about it getting lost or stolen, I got a text from Misaki on our way to the park; she found your jacket and is taking it back to her apartment for the night for safekeeping. If your phone is in the pocket of your jacket then it should be safe and sound until we can pick it up from her tomorrow. I was going to mention it earlier but you seemed like you had a lot on your mind."
Sora breathes a sigh of relief as I tell her about Misaki's message. "That's one less thing to stress about at least, and just incredibly sweet of her, thank her for me won't you?"
"One step ahead of you, I sent her a thank you message from the both of us to let the group know that you were doing ok." I say, informing her of my text.
"Thanks Taichi, that was very considerate of you. We have some pretty good friends just like back home don't we?" She asks with a cheery disposition.
"Definitely, I was just thinking the same thing before. Perhaps we can take her out for lunch next week as a little thank you gift for looking out for us." I propose to Sora.
"I think that's an awesome idea! So what'll it be...ramen or hot pot?" She asks the pointed question with thick layer suspicion.
"I mean...it has been a little while since we last went to either…" I respond bashfully, she knows my seasonal preferences like the back of her hand. Once the temperature takes a dive, there's nothing quite like hot pot or a steaming bowl of ramen to warm and fill you right back up.
"It's only been like two weeks, Taichi." She chuckles.
"Fine fine fine! You know I'll eat practically anything at the end of the day. We'll let Misaki choose the place then. But when she chooses a ramen bar because it's the perfect autumn pick-me-up, well you can't blame me." I retort, knowing that Misaki is also quite the ramen fan herself.
"Oh I think I'll find a way." Sora giggles with faux menace. "Oh by the way, not that we can do much about it, but just how late is it?"
I quickly reach into my pocket and grab my phone. I hadn't bothered checking when I was texting Misaki earlier and we've been out for a while now; so I'm not too surprised when my screen lights up with the answer. "A bit past 2:45." I tell her with a shrug.
Sora looks at me with a saddened expression. "I'm so sorry for keeping you up and out this late Taichi, especially when you were already drunk and tired to begin with. Do you have to get up early for anything tomorrow?"
"It's ok Sora honestly, I can just crash when I get back to my place. Fortunately I'm all caught up on work with no assignments due tomorrow, and figuring tonight might be a late one I didn't book anything for tomorrow. I can afford to sleep in for once." I say cheerfully, as I am quite ready to catch up on some lost sleep.
"I'm glad" She smiles "You've been seeming tired recently. You were a bit sluggish out on the field this week, well compared to your usual self anyway. These work deadlines can be killer sometimes, especially when trying to balance it with any half-normal social life. School work is important of course but so is rest. I hope you're not pushing that cute head of yours too far. After all you were the one who used to take all of those afternoon naps after school and soccer practice back in the day, recharging that overwise boundless pool of energy of yours. I don't suppose you get to nap too much these days?"
Did Sora just say I had a cute head?… I do a bit of a mental double take in the moment, but continue to listen to her intently. "Nah I haven't had a real nap in quite some time, usually I just don't have the time in the day for them. Besides honestly these days when I do nap, I run a serious risk of throwing off my whole sleep schedule. Back then I could doze off for a while in the afternoon and have no issue passing out at bedtime. I do kinda miss those days though. Reminds me of those spring and summer afternoons back in elementary and middle school when we would find a nice shady patch of grass and just curl up for an hour or so. I'm not sure if you were usually even tired but you often joined me regardless. Probably sounds silly but those days are among my fondest summer memories."
Sora looks at me with a large and vibrant grin which is easy to identify despite the darkness. "Oh wow I haven't thought about our little naps in the park in ages!" She pauses for a moment as if recounting the specific memories herself. "That's not silly at all Taichi, it was a wonderful way to spend a warm afternoon. I remember when we would play soccer together till we were ready to drop. Even when I wasn't tired enough to join you in conking out, I would lay there next you to with my eyes closed: just feeling the sun on my skin from between the leaves, smelling the blossoming spring flowers, feeling the grass blades sway and tickle my skin...and to be truthful sometimes I would even…" She gives a long hesitated pause, her smile shrinking slightly. "Nevermind Taichi, it's too embarrassing." She says in a low flustered voice.
"Aww come on Sora, don't leave me hanging. You can tell me anything." I honestly have no idea what it could be about those memories to cause her such embarrassment.
"Promise you won't be weirded out by it or poke fun at me?" Sora asks hesitantly.
While I am no stranger to teasing my best friend, it's usually all in good fun. So seeing that Sora is clearly and genuinely hesitant to tell me, I would feel like a real jerk making fun of something she is requesting I take seriously. There is no need therefore for me to hesitate as I speak to her. "Sora I promise you that I will not make a joke at your expense if this is something embarrassing for you."
She fiddles with her short orange hair which pokes out the sides of my hat in a brief contemplative silence. "Sometimes…" She begins with a shaky voice. "I would lay my head against your chest...and I would listen to your breath and your heartbeat while you rested…It was...comforting to know my best friend was right there next to me; that you were relaxed enough with me that you weren't afraid to be vulnerable in front of me. It wasn't like you napped like that with just anyone...I guess I found it endearing that you liked to nap with me. At least… it seemed like you enjoyed napping with me, we did it fairly often back then. Sorry if that's weird, if it was an invasion of your personal space...I...always hoped you wouldn't mind but I was also a bit scared to ask." She says with a bashfulness that is truly uncharacteristic of her. Sora looks away then, seemingly worried what my response will be.
My heart begins to race slightly as she tells me this, giving me pause before I can even think to respond. I could be quite a heavy sleeper as a child, still am really; so I had no idea that she would rest on my body like that. Not to say that I mind, quite the opposite, in fact just thinking about it causes a warm blush to wash over me. The only response I can muster at first escapes my lips "wow…" I quickly recognize that it probably is not the response Sora is hoping to hear; I look over and see that she is still not making eye contact with me. "Sora...I honestly don't really know what to say."
"I hope you'll say you're not too mad at me for being a silly kid…" I hear her barely whisper.
"Sora...I'm not upset in the slightest, and I certainly wouldn't have been upset back then…I'm just a little mind blown I guess. Honestly it's kinda cute to think about...if that makes any sense. I'm actually happy to know that you felt so...comfortable with me." I do my best to shake off my nerves and awkward tone. Now taking a deep breath to center myself "And by the way, of course I loved napping next to you Sora, like you said we did it pretty frequently after all. It always meant so much to me that you would dedicate those afternoons to being by my side, even if it was for something as simple as sleeping in the park. It's not as though you didn't have other things you could have been doing or other people to be hanging out with. Yet you choose to spend many of those summer hours with me." I stutter with my heart pounding away.
Those buried romantic feelings for my orange-haired lifelong companion instantly come bubbling to the surface for the second time tonight. I only ever dreamed of doing that kind of thing with Sora; especially in my teens, cuddling and getting physical in a more intimate way than we were habituated to. Even though we were only young at the time, the knowledge brings me an unusual sense of satisfaction, to know that Sora not only felt comfortable getting that physical with me, but enjoyed it and sought it out...A repressed part of my subconscious begs me to ask Sora if she ever had feelings for me, but the thought of actually asking terrifies me; especially if it ends in rejection or worse repulsion. All these years and I've never had the courage to ask her, not so directly anyway. But she couldn't love you, you idiot. I seem to taunt myself internally. If she did, don't you think you would have known by now?
I want to say more to Sora but I find myself sulking in silence again. To my slight surprise Sora doesn't seem to have anything to say either. I begin to wonder if I embarrassed her, but glancing at her now she at least does not look quite as hesitant as she did a moment or so ago. Once again she seems to look off in the distance as we stroll back towards the park exit. Perhaps contemplating my response in her head.
I find that I really do not want to be lost in silence again; somewhat afraid of my own thoughts, so I begin to speak once more. "Sora...did I say something wrong?" I ask with genuine concern.
She seems to be so far off in her thoughts that when she comes to her senses, she asks me to repeat myself; so I do.
"No, not at all!" She begins with a surprising level of energy. "Sorry I just got lost in memories and thought a bit there. What you said was quite sweet...and makes me rather happy. Thank you Taichi, I didn't mean to just not reply to you. I guess I'm just feeling unusually nostalgic tonight."
"Seriously Sora I understand. I haven't been far behind you this evening. Plus my mind keeps going back to…" I start but she finishes my sentence for me.
"Agumon?" She asks simply with a hint of melancholy. Perhaps being reminded of Piyomon's absence herself.
I simply nod in response, as my digital partner's toothy grin takes shape in my mind.
"It's only natural Taichi. It has been about six months now since we...lost touch with them. And besides, with you and I not getting to hang out one on one like this quite as often these days, well it makes sense that our shared memories would resurface tonight right? I get the feeling that both of us have been pushing some of these things to the back of our minds of late, perhaps some things that should be confronted, not buried." Sora speaks the last part with a wisdom that quickly reminds me of just how sharp and witty I know her to be.
"Well said Sora, even though it isn't always easy to come to terms with, I think you more or less hit the nail on the head there. The eight of us grew up in a pretty unique situation to say the least, and while I'm extremely grateful for it...it does make life complicated at times, more complex than I ever realized my life would become. I literally never thought I would be the type of person to just suppress my troubles and let them fester, yet here I stand.
Eight of us went to the Digital World when we were kids; we built friendships that we thought would be lifelong. But now six of us have lost any means of contacting our digital partners, and while it breaks my heart to contemplate, we all know that Tailmon and Patamon will be leaving Hikari and Takeru in not too long. It's not as though people aren't sympathetic, heck we know all of our parents were heartbroken for us when our link to that world was severed. But still, there are only eight of us plus Daisuke and his team who really understand what it feels like to have that connection broken, and the original eight of us have been so preoccupied with life that we haven't even all been together in one place since it happened. We were once a close knit team, and though we are all still friends, very close friends in fact, it feels as though we all grieve in isolution. Yet another reason I am really damn glad you are here at school with me, our friends here are great but I'm not sure I could ever talk about this stuff with them."
"I am always here for you Taichi, I hope you know that. Not just as a fellow Digidestined, but as the girl who got to grow up with you. Who has your back through thick and thin." Sora responds sweetly.
"I know Sora, and I honestly cannot put into words how much your support means to me. And I hope you know that I want to be there for you too, even if I'm not always the best at showing it." I meekly state, referencing my many fumbles in relating to and helping her through her emotions in the past.
"Trust me, you're not as bad at reading my emotions as you think." I raise a finger to protest. "Yes, I know I've gone off on you for it in the past...many times to be truthful. Don't even get me started on the hair clip fiasco. But Taichi focusing only on our rough patches isn't exactly fair to either of us, if you were really that bad do you seriously think I'd still be by your side after all these years?"
I hesitate pretty heavily now, not really sure how to answer. I don't want to lie to Sora but I'm also afraid to vocalize my fears of losing her; not to mention my romantic feelings which I feel are buried for good reason. Granted it's been quite some time, but on the occasions I try to drop hints or slightly broach the subject, suffice it to say it hasn't exactly been successful. And then there's the Yamato situation… The thought of Sora's potentially past, potentially current romantic interests for my formal rival and current close friend causes my body to tremble with a sense of hopelessness and fear. I can't help but worry that Sora has noticed this visceral reaction. Is she even over him? I question with a sense of dread looming over me. I've no right to be upset over her feelings, I should be happy for her whatever she chooses... but I'm not.