Part VII
Inuyasha perched on the engawa of the temple, watching as Kouga chatted openly with the priestess, his eyes narrowed on the pair. It was not that Kouga had become so amiable in the past few weeks that disturbed him, but the fact that he could flirt with her so brazenly in order to get a place to stay and then still try to steal Kagome from him. At the same time, it reminded him strongly of Miroku's rather charismatic demeanor. The comparison made him miss home intensely and he hunched his shoulders further.
"Good news," Kouga announced as he came to Inuyasha, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "We've got ourselves a place to stay tonight. It also seems like we're closing in on Bushuugi. I can't wait to sink my teeth in him after all this time hunting." He grinned widely, flexing one of his arms and patting his bicep. Inuyasha cast him an irritated glance. "What's your problem?"
"You got a thing for priestesses or something?" Inuyasha asked, nodding towards the human female that had taken back the broom and was sweeping up a collection of leaves in the corner of the temple grounds. "Don't you have some wolf demon girl back home or something?"
"Jealous?" Kouga smirked. "It's hard being a desirable, single man – something you wouldn't know about."
"Shut up." Inuyasha rose to his feet, stretching his arms up, his spine cracking at the sudden change in position. "Did she say anything about demons?"
"Are you deaf?"
"I wasn't listening."
Kouga scowled. "Yeah, she said that there was a horde of them going through the mountain pass not even a day ago. We should be able to catch up to them in no time."
"What about Bushuugi?"
Kouga lifted his shoulders in a careless shrug. "No idea. We'll see if he's still there, I guess."
Inuyasha said nothing to this, although the unease he had been experiencing for the past week had increased. They had caught stragglers from the group, but some of them had looked starved and weak, as if the rest of the demons had left them behind. Neither Inuyasha nor Kouga had caught the scent of Bushuugi for days. He knew that Bushuugi had been concealing his tracks well, but he typically would be able to catch at least a whiff of the dragon demon. There was something calculated in the manner that this hunt had been going, as if they were being led away from the village. It was clear that Bushuugi's army was here; it was less obvious, however, whether they would find Bushuugi with his army of demons.
The news of the mountain pass should have reassured Inuyasha that they were near like it did Kouga. Instead, he found himself contemplating all the ways that broken cliffsides and boulders could crush them. He had travelled through the Kuragari mountain pass before when traveling with his friends. It was not for the faint of heart. He was glad that it was summer rather than later in the season when he had last been there. They had nearly gotten hit by an avalanche that time.
Inuyasha vacillated on the spot, unsure if he should voice his concerns to Kouga. Outside of the possibility of them being led into a trap, he was worried that Bushuugi might have led a smaller group of men back to the village while they were away. Instinctively, he worried for Kagome and the others, but he also knew that Sesshomaru was more than able to protect the village. If Kouga heard that Bushuugi might have returned to the village, though, he would want to go tearing all the way back to the village. Logically, Inuyasha knew that it would be more helpful for them to eliminate Bushuugi's men here and verify that their quarry had fled back. Little as he liked it and how much his gut instinct told him to return home, it was smarter to remain here. It would take them at least three weeks to get back to the village.
Sesshomaru won't let the village get attacked since Rin is there, Inuyasha reasoned with himself as one of the priestesses approached them with trays of food that the two men took gratefully. And Rin won't let him sacrifice everyone else for her.
Putting his trust in Sesshomaru, though, was just as distasteful as trusting Kouga.
The next day at dawn, the two of them headed out towards the Kuragari mountain pass. There was an anxious, excited air about Kouga that discomfited Inuyasha. He had forgotten how much bloodlust possessed the wolf demon tribe. Up until now, they had only dealt with small numbers of demons and common bandits. The idea of a battle had stirred Kouga into a fighting spirit that fed his men's own lust for war. It was something that made men reckless, Inuyasha knew, and so he abandoned any hope of warning Kouga and instead watched the cliffs in the mountain pass himself. He would let Kouga deal with any ground enemies.
It was not long before they came across Bushuugi's camp. It seemed that the demons had set up a small camp blocking any travelers from moving through the pass. There were more of them than Inuyasha expected, although he was not particularly worried. He had gone against stronger demon swarms in his lifetime.
"They've been killing travelers," Kouga whispered to Inuyasha, the two of them crouched behind a cluster of trees.
Looking more closely, Inuyasha saw the pools of blood and pieces of body parts. Sniffing, he caught the distinct stench of death. The place reeked of human death and blood.
"Seems like a waste of blood," Kouga commented with a frown.
"Not a waste," Inuyasha murmured, wrinkling his nose and then darting a look to the cliffs. There were pulley systems that the demons had crudely constructed, with boulders set up and ready to fall at the slightest provocation. They had set up with the anticipation of battling to the death here.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"They're trying to overwhelm our noses," he replied, his eyes scanning the cliffside. There were only a handful of demons up there. They would be easy to eliminate with Tessaiga's Adamant Barrage.
"Why?" Kouga asked, confused. "What would that serve?"
"Obviously they know we've been tracking them." Inuyasha turned away to face Kouga with a serious expression. "Listen, I don't think Bushuugi's here. That's why they've spread blood all over the place. They probably think that we'd leave if we didn't smell him."
Kouga looked astounded by this revelation. "Then why are we staying if that's what you think? Isn't that why we're out here?"
Inuyasha's gaze drifted back towards the encampment. He had resented that Sesshomaru had basically forced him to go after an old enemy of their father's, that he had led said enemy to Inuyasha's village, but he also understood Sesshomaru's motivations better perhaps than anyone else. Inuyasha, too, had once set himself up at that village just so that he could protect someone. He had not been so honest, of course, lying to himself that he would just eventually steal the Shikon Jewel from Kikyo. He had seen how vengeful demons could be and, even if Sesshomaru had stayed away from the village, Bushuugi would have eventually found it and, as a result, Rin. If Bushuugi and his entire remaining force had fallen upon the village, Inuyasha did not think that even he and Sesshomaru could have avoided the eventual losses from the human occupants there. It was something that he suspected his older brother had taken into account not because of him, but because he had known it would have pained Rin to see so many people she knew dead.
As little as Inuyasha liked it, remaining here was merciful to those in the village.
Doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off, Inuyasha added to himself, withdrawing Tessaiga.
"Are you seriously ignoring me right now?" Kouga demanded with exasperation.
"Look, even if Bushuugi isn't here, do you really think his demons should be left alive after what they've been doing to the villages?" Inuyasha replied waspishly. "I'm going to kick their asses, then we're going back home and going to kick Bushuugi's ass. That's my plan, I don't know what yours is."
Kouga rubbed his chin and then grinned. "Alright! Sounds like my kind of plan."
Kouga went charging towards the camp, gesturing for his men to follow and calling out a battle cry to the startled demons. Inuyasha lifted his Tessaiga and it hardened into a diamond-encrusted sword. With a swift swing, the diamond shards flew towards the demon sentries on the cliffs and they shrieked as the shards found their intended targets.
Damn wolf demons can't even wait, Inuyasha thought of Kouga, joining him in battle. He's too predictable, like usual.
The battle in the mountain pass was fierce due to the sheer amount of demons there. Even with Inuyasha's Tessaiga, he found himself using his fist to get demons out of his space. There were several times that the demons attempted to flee from the camp, likely to attempt to get to the cliffs where the boulders were perfectly situated to crush them dead in the valley. Every time, Inuyasha would drag them back or dart towards the demons to target a deadly strike upon them. Kouga had become similarly aware of the dangerous pulley systems and had caught more than a few demons, seeming just as alarmed at any of them finding their way back to the cliffs.
It took hours until they were surrounded only with the corpses and meager shelters of the demons. A few of Kouga's men had also passed in the battle. Inuyasha gave the wolf demons their privacy to mourn, picking his way through the dead bodies. He knew that Bushuugi was not here, but tired as he was, he needed confirmation that there was no sign of the demon lord in the heaps of bodies left behind in the wreckage.
Catching movement in the corner of his eye, he saw a severely wounded demon stumbling into the trees, disappearing in the gloom. Swearing under his breath, Inuyasha dredged up what little energy he had left and ran after the wounded creature. His nose was useless on a battlefield, but the puddles of blood that the demon dripped as he walked through the forest path were still clear enough that Inuyasha could follow. The demon, hearing him, looked over his shoulder and eyes widening with fright, he attempted to pick up his pace. Instead, he ended up stumbling and falling to the ground. Inuyasha winced involuntarily as the demon's hand slipped from where it had been pressed against his stomach and he caught the ugly sight of his innards. The demon's body was barely holding itself together.
"Hey." Inuyasha propped his sword on his shoulder as the demon gasped in pain, grabbing at this side again. It was apparent the man was dying and was of no threat to him.
"G-get away from me!" the demon shrieked hysterically, panting slightly. His face had become slick with cold sweat, his skin tinging an unhealthy gray.
"You're dying anyway, you know," Inuyasha informed him, his brows knitting together. "Where d'you think you were gonna go?"
The demon blinked, his eyes crossing for a moment before he shook his head. He was losing blood too fast. "L-Lord Bushuugi – I wanted him to know...to know we were loyal to the end! I had to tell him – for the others!"
Inuyasha sighed through his nostrils. He had seen this too often over the years. Lesser demons, loyal to a fault, without any proper thought of their own. Even while dying, this lowly servant had wanted to prove himself to their lord. If he had seen this at a different time, Inuyasha might have laughed at him; now, however, he felt nothing but pity. Bushuugi had left his weakest men here, as evidenced by the lack of experience and power behind most of the demons. They had likely not known they had been treated as expendable assets to be used as he saw fit. It was a disgusting aspect of the demon aristocracy that Inuyasha had always hated.
"Alright," he quietly said. "I'll tell him for you."
The demon was fading fast and only stared at him, bewildered. His body had begun to slump down and he blinked hard, as though trying to hold onto the little life he had left.
"Y-you...you will tell him?"
"Yeah," Inuyasha answered. "I'll tell him you all fought and died for him."
The demon said nothing and then gave a small, gurgling laugh before he fully slumped into the earth. There was a faint smile on his lips, even as his eyes appeared strangely blank.
Inuyasha sheathed Tessaiga and, gazing down at the figure, he was overcome by sorrow for all of the men who now lay dead in the valley.
It was not the first time Inuyasha had seen death, but something about it struck him differently. As he walked back towards the battlefield where Kouga and the others were, he wondered why these lower demons seemed to be possessed with an inability to think for themselves, an obsession to connect themselves with a more powerful demon. It made him think of Jaken, who Inuyasha liked well enough in spite of his association with his brother. That could have easily been Jaken, desperate for his lord's approval at the end of his life.
Breaking through the trees, Inuyasha stared across at the remains of the massacre and found himself wanting to be as far from this place as possible.
Their weary group travelled back through the mountain pass to return to the temple at the base of the mountains. It was far past nightfall by the time they arrived and while the other wolf demons left to care for their wounds and quietly grieve the loss of their companions, Inuyasha and Kouga chose to visit the nearby hot spring to bathe off the scent of death, blood, and battle from their bodies.
Once in the hot spring, Inuyasha stared up at the tops of the trees, his body feeling impossibly heavy and exhausted. Kouga had been scrubbing at his hair for several minutes, as it had gotten soaked in the spray from the demons' blood.
"How do you feel about your men dying for you?" Inuyasha asked abruptly.
"What?" Kouga snapped immediately, glaring at him.
"Sorry. That's not how I meant it. I'm just wondering. Those demons we killed – they all died for Bushuugi."
Kouga was eyeing him suspiciously, expecting some sort of crude joke. When none came, he rolled his shoulders a bit to relax back against the earth, resting his elbows against the grass behind him. "It's the hardest part of being a leader," Kouga said at last. "I never get used to seeing them die for me. It's not something I'll ever get used to, to be honest. Something I always ask myself is, 'what makes their lives less important? Why do I get to dictate their life for mine?' It doesn't seem fair. I try not to get them pulled into something where they can get killed, but it's unavoidable sometimes, especially in battle. I can't protect all of them – or any of them, if I'm the target."
"I don't think death is something you get used to," Inuyasha quietly told him, sinking a little further into the water. Kouga cast him a curious glance.
"That's not a healthy thing to think in your position," Kouga said.
"My position?"
Kouga puffed up his cheeks and blew out a beath, looking away. "Kagome won't live as long as you or me. Humans and these lower demons...they're so similar. Their lives are so finite, whether because of circumstance or species."
Inuyasha could find no response to this observation. The two of them instead went quiet, lost in their respective introspections.
When Kohaku and Sango returned to the village from one of their contracts, Kohaku and Rin's group of friends immediately began to plan their small celebration for Hana's engagement. Rin had wanted to be more excited when Mei and the other girls discussed with her about what kimonos they should wear and gossiping about who would be the next girl in the village to be engaged, but found that her heart was not in it. Rin knew that neither Hana nor Akai would pick up on her strange behavior, which left her fearful of Mei asking prying questions, so she had put on her best face to seem appropriately happy and thrilled at the idea of their friends' gathering. In truth, she was dreading seeing Hiroshi. She had not seen him since their encounter, something she attributed to his avoidance of her.
She had been training with Sesshomaru for several days since that encounter, learning basic ways in which to break someone's hold on her. It had been embarrassing at first to have Sesshomaru hold arms and wrists tightly in different positions and forcing her to either break his grip or destabilize him in some way. She knew that he was only testing her technique and that if it had been him, she would never be able to break such a hold. Her embarrassment had been further heightened by the confusing conversation she had with him regarding Hiroshi. He never broached it again, though, and his touch had been nothing more than educational in nature. It had taken her a few days to get accustomed to this strangeness, but once Sesshomaru made her test her newly developed skills with Jaken, she began to feel more at ease and less tense during these sessions.
No matter how impersonal Sesshomaru made these encounters, however, Rin could not help herself from blushing at his close proximity or reliving the moments in her head later that day. She was sure that once or twice she had seen Sesshomaru's lips twitch, as if he were amused by her discomfort. She tried not to think too closely on the possibility of that being true, though, because it always led her back to his question: "And am I?" He had told her she would understand and while she had certainly given it some thought, her mind continued to lead her to the same conclusion, one of which she could not believe to be true. The possibility of Sesshomaru also having some interest beyond companionship was not only too thrilling, but also frightening. In those moments, it hurt her heart to hope for something so idealistic.
Regardless of that, the training sessions with Sesshomaru had also given her some sense of security in knowing that this time she might be able to break away from Hiroshi without someone's assistance. Something that Rin had not taken into account with all of this was that the twins had intended to rat on Hiroshi to Kohaku. In fact, it had quite left her mind entirely until days after he and Sango had returned, he came calling on her near sunset to ask if she wanted to take a ride on Kirara. Rin had been on her way back to Kaede's from the village when he had accosted her and she rocked back and forth on her feet, conflicted. She was reminded of getting scolded by Sango, Kagome, and Kaede about being alone with boys and how Sesshomaru might also view such a display. Since Sesshomaru had always seemed perfectly happy to let her make her own choices in life, though, it was only the ladies with whom she might need to endure a tiring conversation. She had missed their sunset rides together from when they had been younger, too, but she also did not particularly want to talk about Hiroshi. After reasoning with herself, though, she reluctantly smiled at him and agreed.
Might as well just get it over with, she decided, climbing up behind him on Kirara. If I can tell Lord Sesshomaru, then it's only fair to Kohaku that I let him have his say, too.
The pair rode for a few minutes until Kirara began to descend, making it a faster ride than she had expected. She leaned sideways to see where their landed would be and caught sight of the lake that they used to swim at when they had been children. She beamed, pleased in spite of her inner anxiety. It had been years since they had last been to the lake. Years, in fact, since they had last gone swimming alone together now that she had thought of it.
After making their way towards the bank of the lake, Kirara made a show of herself rolling around in the sand, kicking it up and flailing her paws in unbridled delight. Rin giggled at this display before joining Kohaku at the edge of the lake where he had gone ahead of her. He tossed a rock that skipped along the pristine surface, making tiny ripples in the clear water. Shading her eyes, Rin looked around and breathed in the fresh air. They were the only ones here, hidden away in the lake valley with trees towering around them. It was such a calming, beautiful place. She had missed being here.
The two of them began an unhurried trek along the lakeside, making sure not to get too far from Kirara, who seemed to be enjoying the environment as much as Rin. Kohaku did not say anything regarding Hiroshi at first, instead detailing her about the demon contracts he and Sango had done, reminiscing about traveling with his sister, sounding somewhat wistful. Rin listened attentively, the anxious ball in her chest easing somewhat. She should have known better than to be nervous about this conversation with Kohaku. Listening to him talk reminded her that he was not like Inuyasha or Sesshomaru, whose tempers always seemed just below the surface when it came to disrespect. He was much steadier in nature, like the calm waters of the lake here.
"Why's Kaede been at the blacksmith so much?" Kohaku asked her after the conversation had lulled somewhat. Rin had crouched down, digging through the rocks in the water to see if there were any colourful ones she could bring back to the twins.
"I'm not sure," Rin answered, looking up at him in surprise, "but Kaede's been doing a lot of work with the men to protect the village while Inuyasha is away. Maybe she commissioned some new equipment?"
"Maybe," Kohaku said vaguely, looking out towards the water. "Gyokuto told me what happened when I was gone – with Hiroshi."
She had returned her gaze to the rocks, but suspected she could not shift the topic of conversation now. Straightening up, she wiped her wet fingertips over her kimono before turning to him again.
"You didn't talk to him, did you?"
Kohaku frowned and then shook his head. "No, not yet. Gyokuto didn't really tell me why he was grabbing you, though. What happened?"
"It doesn't really matter anymore. It was just a stupid argument about demons. And besides, Lord Sesshomaru's been training me to better protect myself."
"Yeah, he said you had asked him about that." Kohaku gave a slight smile "I'm not dumb, Rin. It was obviously an argument about Lord Sesshomaru." Rin cast him a startled glance that made him smile and shrug. "Hiroshi's ranted about him before and let's be honest, you wouldn't get in a fight for just anyone. He's always had a problem with him hanging around and doesn't even like Inuyasha, either. It doesn't matter that he's a half-human to him. It's something Sango's been keeping an eye on. If he keeps it up, she's going to kick him out of the demon slayers. She thinks he's too impulsive and immature."
She looked closely at him, seeing the conflict in his eyes. "What do you think?"
"I don't know..." Kohaku heaved a sigh. "Hiroshi's my best friend, but he's acting like an ass lately. Takashi and Shinobu aren't any better and it's because they always follow what he does. I'm hoping being married to Hana will change that for Takashi." Kohaku's brow had furrowed, making him look much older than his nineteen years. "I feel like he's acting this way because it's Lord Sesshomaru. Girls have rejected him before and he hasn't cared. I don't think he can stomach the idea of his rival being a demon."
"It gets really irritating listening to people talk about me like I don't exist," Rin muttered bitterly. "Obviously you've heard the rumors, too, if you're talking like that."
Kohaku seemed to consider this before carefully answering, "It's not really that. Hiroshi probably thinks he's the only thing standing between him and marrying you. It's traditional to get approval from a male family member when seeking a marriage match. He has to know that Lord Sesshomaru doesn't like him by now, especially since Inuyasha doesn't like him. He has to know they talk to each other. That's why I asked why Kaede was at his dad's so much. With how he's being, I wouldn't be surprised if he went to Kaede for approval instead."
"He wouldn't," Rin said in disbelief. "He wouldn't do that, would he?"
"I don't know," he admitted reluctantly. "He's being really reckless about you."
"Don't I get any say in this?" Rin asked, panic rising in her chest. It did not matter whether Sesshomaru had said it was her choice or not, Kaede had taken care of her for the past seven years and had essentially raised her. There were still human traditions and customs that the villagers recognized that Rin knew she would be expected to respect. If Kaede had made a marriage match for her behind her back, she might not be able to easily back out of it with any degree of grace. She had no intention of agreeing to such a thing, of course, but the thought of disgracing Kaede by her actions was painful to imagine. She could only hope that Kagome or Sango would speak on her behalf. Kagome had gone against Kaede's advice before when in regards to Inuyasha – surely, she would support her, if it came down to it?
Her expression must have looked more alarming that she thought, for Kohaku's own face had a stricken look upon it. He had hastily approached her and grabbed her shoulders, giving her a tiny shake so that she was brought back to reality.
"Hey! It's okay. I'll talk to him and figure something out, alright? You look like you're about to have a fit."
Kohaku pushed her hair from her face, frowning at her and cupping her face. The feel of his dry palms against her face brought her back from the horrific images of the marriage bed with Hiroshi that had begun to play in her mind. She blinked, the images fading from her vision, and found herself staring up at Kohaku's concerned expression. There was something so comforting about his company, a constant reminder in her life that someone – a human – was looking out for her. She felt that if he had been in the village, Hiroshi would not have even attempted to get her alone with the twins. Kohaku had been like a protective sentry to her over the years. Even when he had not been near, the mere idea of approaching her wile Kohaku was in the village seemed to be enough to prevent the other boys from being as deplorable as they were to the other girls. Her association with demons had always put her at a disadvantage to the other humans in the village. Kohaku's friendship had saved her a good deal of abuse and bullying.
I'm really lucky to have Kohaku, she decided and then smiled at him.
"Thanks, Kohaku." She hugged him, squeezing him hard. He muttered something beneath his breath that she did not catch as he returned her hug, his arms closing in around her. She closed her eyes, smiling. It reminded her of falling asleep in the meadows next to Kohaku during the summer, of hiding underneath engawa and curling against each other, giggling when the other children were looking for them. That was a long time ago, though. We're not kids anymore.
"If I was going to see you with a human, I'd much rather see you with Kohaku than him."
Jaken's words made her open her eyes and stare across the lake. Her amused thought still rang true – they were not children anymore. They had not been for a long time, something that had seemed to escape Rin's notice at some point. When she hugged Kohaku, it was not the wiry arms of a child that held her back, but a man's muscular arms, muscular thighs that pressed against her own quads, a solid body beneath her own. She had noticed this very briefly when riding behind him on Kirara last time, but had brushed it aside given the urgency of the situation at the time. This was so horrifying that she immediately withdrew from his embrace, feeling scandalized by her own behavior.
Her gaze swung up to Kohaku's, her palms flat on his chest. He was looking confused at her sudden movement, but there was also something there that she realized she had been misinterpreting for years. There was a hint of tenderness, of warmth beyond anything familial or friendly. She had always thought that she had just had a special place in Kohaku's life because they had been through so much together with Naraku and Lord Sesshomaru. She had never thought that it had been something else and until now, she had never considered Kohaku as anything more than that. In fact, Kohaku had never once registered as a possibility, yet now she could not help but wonder at it. It had been easy to dismiss him as a brother to Jaken when she had thought they both felt such a way. Even with her deep affection for Sesshomaru, though, the curious part of her mind could not be assuaged.
Her aversion to most of the other boys had been because she had been treated poorly by them and it had led her to developing a categorical distrust of nearly all human men. There had not been one that had treated her with genuine kindness or lack of prejudice when they discovered who she had been traveling with before she came to the village. Nobody had given Sesshomaru the respect he deserved or even exhibited any sort of kindness towards him or Jaken. Before she had come to love Sesshomaru or think of him as a man rather than simply a companion, she had done her best to consider the boys in the village, thinking that it would be best to settle with a human instead. It had only been after several years and growing a bit older than she had begun to look at Sesshomaru differently.
But Kohaku had never been part of that consideration. He had been omitted.
"What is it?" he asked her, leaning in slightly.
Her heart jumped into her throat at the close proximity even though they had just been hugging only seconds ago. She glanced up at him and something shifted between them – a knowledge, an understanding, and a curiosity that had not been there a moment ago.
Without quite knowing why, Rin did not pull back when Kohaku drew closer again. Her hands were still on his chest and she could feel his heartbeat against her palm, beating faster than it had been a moment ago. When he bent his head and kissed her, she was too shocked to register what was happening or who was doing it. It was her first kiss and, if she had been honest, not at all with whom she had been expecting. He lifted his head, looking unsure, but when all she did was blink up at him, he kissed her again and this time seemed less hesitant. Initially, Rin returned the kiss, slowly learning the form of his lips and teaching herself what to do as they overcame the awkwardness of teeth and mouth. There was something strangely alluring about kissing a man, she decided, and now that she was kissing him, she realized Kohaku most certainly was not the boy she had still been viewing him.
Within a few moments, what started as experimental shifted into something a little more feverish, a little less controlled. Kohaku was pressing her closer to him, their mouths growing moist with the sudden fervor. And then, the curiosity was gone, the experiment seemed conclusive, and Rin realized that none of it felt right. The initial flush of flattery at Kohaku's attentions and the possibility with him had vanished just as quickly as it had arrived. What replaced it was the awkwardness one would have when kissing their family or, in this case, one's best friend.
Rin pulled away, gently dislodging herself from Kohaku's embrace. She wiped her mouth with her wrist and pressed it against it, suddenly wanting to cry. The horror of what had just happened seemed too unreal to process.
"I'm sorry," she said to him after a few seconds' pause. "I shouldn't have done that."
"Rin..."
She had never heard Kohaku sound so pained before in her life and it broke her heart.
There was a pregnant pause where Rin crossed her arms over her chest, staring down at the lake water hitting the sand. She could not look Kohaku in the face. The torrent of emotions mixing around in her was unbearable. She knew there was nothing shameful in sharing a kiss with a boy before marriage. She had heard of stories from their peers enough to know that she would not be the first one to kiss someone just for the fun of it. Something about it being Kohaku and her, though, made her deeply uncomfortable. It was as if she had crossed a line she should never have or she had done so with the wholly wrong person.
"Let's go back, shall we?" Kohaku quietly said after some time.
She nodded and without another word, the two of them headed back to Kirara, who bounded up to them happily, perfectly oblivious of how awkward the two were with each other. Rin absent-mindedly petted the cat demon as Kohaku swung himself up on top of her. As she rounded Kirara and scrambled up behind Kohaku, she realized she would have to hold onto Kohaku during the ride back to the village. She had not thought of that. Bringing in a quick breath, she leaned in closer to him and Kirara swept up into the sky. She was glad to not see Kohaku's face just then. She could not hold back her tears. In the space of minutes, their entire friendship had changed.
When Kirara landed outside the village, Rin hastily rubbed at her face and stepped down, straightening her hair and kimono. It was nearly dark now and she was dearly hoping that she would be able to avoid anyone else when she walked home.
"Listen, can we talk for a second?" Kohaku asked her as she turned back to face him, intending to tell him goodnight.
She hesitated a beat and then slowly nodded. "Yeah, okay."
He drew in a deep breath and then spread his hands out helplessly. "I love you. I have for a long time." Rin stared at him, her breath catching in her throat. "I'm not saying this expecting you to say it back or anything. It's just...after that, I wanted you to know. I'm not like Hiroshi or the other guys. I don't do that with just anyone. You can do what you want with that information. If you don't feel the same way, it's okay. Things don't need to be any different. You're still my best friend."
Rin did not know what to say. She felt that she owed him an explanation, to give him a proper refusal, but she was overwhelmed by everything that had happened. Her head was running through all the memories she had with Kohaku, all the obvious signs she had overlooked, all the ways in which he would pay particular attention to her. She was remembering all the small things he would say to her in private, the little signs indicating that this had not been the first time he had wanted to kiss her, the way he would linger in her space just to be close to her. Her heart felt like a sword had been ran through it. She loved Kohaku, there was no doubt, but it was the intense love towards a friend similar to what she felt for Jaken or Mei. After kissing him, she could clearly feel the distinction between what she had for him and what existed for Sesshomaru. They were both strong, intense feelings, yet so wildly different from each other.
She did not think that she could have a proper conversation with Kohaku just then about his feelings. She did not think she could justify it. Anything she said now would be too brief and, if she were honest with herself, not enough. He deserved to have his feelings considered, regardless of her own inclinations. She did not expect that Sesshomaru would ever return her feelings and, if she could see herself with any human man, Kohaku would have been the only choice for her. Whether she could accept Kohaku knowing that she loved someone else, however, was more problematic. Yes, he was more deserving than any of the other boys in the village, but that also meant he deserved to be loved as much as he seemed to love her.
This thought kept warring with itself in her head, going around and around until she felt nauseous.
"I want to talk to about this, but not right now," she said at last, hoping that she sounded reassuring. "I don't even know what to say or how to say it and I'm really tired."
"Alright." He nodded. "That's fine. Let's get you home, though. Before it gets too dark."
After Kirara transformed to her smaller state, they walked to Kaede's, where Kohaku bid her a polite goodnight. She did not enter the home immediately, watching his back for some time before she made her way inside. Kaede was absent, which allowed her to go directly to her room. She had never been so relieved to be alone. She side-stepped from the shoji doors after closing them and leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down until her knees were pressed against her chest. She bowed her head onto her knees and broke into renewed sobs, unable to hold back the despair that had been unfolding in her since leaving the lake.
She had never experienced such a bout of self-loathing. The way that Kohaku had looked at her had lit up a feminine, sexual energy in her that she had never experienced and it had enticed her into indulging on a whim. As a result of that, she had unearthed feelings in him and opened a door that she would have much preferred had remained closed. It was not that Kohaku was unattractive by any means, nor that she disliked his character. It simply was that she was attracted and in love with someone else and she was sure, if Mei had noticed, Kohaku must have known for whom she had been pining all these years. She could not think of any other reason why he would not have said or done something sooner, unless he had simply been waiting for some sign from her.
And what a sign I gave, she thought, disgusted with herself. She sat against the wall, her cheek pressing against her knees as her tears subsided. I feel like such an idiot. How could I not see that Kohaku liked me?
Her life suddenly seemed full of too many choices. If Hiroshi had gone to Kaede to ask for approval to propose to her, then she was sure Kohaku might make the same move. If Kaede were to approve anyone, she would be more inclined towards Kohaku given their history and Rin's ties to him and Sango.
But Kohaku wouldn't ask Kaede, she realized with a jolt, jerking upright. Her stomach rolled and she pressed her hands against it, swallowing hard against the nausea. He would ask Lord Sesshomaru. And Lord Sesshomaru...
Once again, Sesshomaru's words that day came to her mind. "I'm no longer ignorant to the appeal, even if there has yet to be room in the world for such an allowance. It's not an easy life. Do you understand?"
"No, I don't understand!" Rin snarled aloud to herself. She flung herself to the ground onto her side, curling up as frustrated tears began to spill out. "I don't get you at all, Lord Sesshomaru..."
Sesshomaru paused in his footsteps, cocking his head as he listed to the sounds in the forest. Beside him, Jaken also stopped and looked around as though to hear whatever it was his lord was hearing. This part of the forest was on the other side of the river at the base of the mountains. Night had fallen several hours ago and while Sesshomaru typically remained close by the village, he had caught the familiar scent of a Bushuugi's demons. Now, as he stood listening, he caught the slightest sound beneath the cacophony of forest animals and this time, the stench of the lesser demons was more distinct. With a swift turn on his foot, Bakusaiga cut through the air, meeting the forms of three demons that had fallen from the trees, intending to ambush him. Behind him, he caught sight of fire billowing out from one of the heads on Nintojo as Jaken defended himself against two other demons that had chosen him as their prey.
He sensed the demons behind him, suspecting the others to be decoys for these assassins. Unbothered, he made to turn to meet them, but there was the sound of shrieks and flesh ripping. As he turned to face the corpses, there was the ripping sound of a blade tearing into flesh and the kusarigama returned to its master. Kohaku, in full armor with Kirara sitting on his shoulder, dropped down from the low-hanging branch he had been crouching upon. Kirara mewled and then shook herself, pine needles flying from her fur.
"I saw them and followed them here," Kohaku said by means of explanation.
"Filthy things," Jaken remarked, moving to stand beside Sesshomaru and giving Nintojo a shake. "These are Bushuugi's demons, aren't they, my lord?"
"It would appear so," Sesshomaru replied, although his gaze had not left Kohaku. He knew that the latter male had left with Rin somewhere the day prior and although he had been annoyed at how reckless it was to be taking her out of the village, Sesshomaru had never told either of them how to conduct themselves and he had no plans to begin such a thing. He had seen them leave at sunset and it had been Jaken who had seen them return and reported back to him in a disapproving voice that Rin had been crying, something that was unusual by itself and even more unusual with Kohaku. Sesshomaru, who had already been in an annoyed mood at seeing them leave, had a further soured mood upon this news. He could not conceive of what Kohaku could have done to make Rin cry. She was not usually the type of female to shed tears over any small thing and, thinking perhaps one of the humans had died, he had made a circuit around the village, but could not smell death near the humans. Whatever had disturbed her was still a mystery.
Now, watching Kohaku shake off the blood and bits of flesh from his kusarigama, his interest was piqued. He would not meet Sesshomaru's gaze, something that he had not done even once when meeting him. He could not help but wonder if it was related to the scene Jaken had witnessed.
"There aren't any other demons nearby," Kohaku said, looking around with a pensive air. "That seems to be all that were here."
"Yes," he agreed and turned around, making his way through the trees and breaking out into the field that lied just outside the forest's edge. In the distance, he could see the river bank and the cliffs that overlooked the rushing water. The rice fields and the village lied just on the other side of the cliffside, a fair distance from them. He might have considered that Bushuugi had sent demons this far out in order to draw him away from the village, but he could sense nothing else in the area. This seemed to be a test set from Bushuugi, perhaps to see if Sesshomaru was remaining vigilant. It begged the question whether Inuyasha had caught some of Bushuugi's forces at all or if the other demon lord had disposed of Inuyasha and the wolf demon.
I would know, Sesshomaru decided to himself. If Inuyasha had died, I would feel it.
Kohaku and Jaken had followed him outside to the field, with Kohaku moving just a few feet in front of him so that he was in Sesshomaru's line of sight. He was idly stroking Kirara, his brow puckering with some inner dialogue. Sesshomaru had expected him to leave, having taken care of the demons, but the demon slayer continued to linger even when the silence far extended and Kirara had hopped off Kohaku's shoulder.
"You seem to have something to say to me," Sesshomaru observed after some time.
Kohaku stirred and this time, he did glance towards Sesshomaru. He had been looking out towards the village with a preoccupied air and if Sesshomaru had not spoken, it might have been as if no one else was around him.
"I'm not sure if now's the right time," Kohaku admitted guiltily, "but it feels like my time is limited."
Sesshomaru raised his eyebrows slightly, the only indication that he was listening.
"In human years, we'd be around the same age, wouldn't we?" Kohaku said abruptly. Jaken made a derisive sound in his throat, but Sesshomaru silenced him with a sharp glance. Kohaku ignored Jaken, unbothered by the interruption. "It feels weird to say that since I've known you since I was a kid and so has Rin."
"What's your point?" he asked.
"Well...I'm sure you're aware that Hiroshi, one of the boys in the village, is planning to propose to Rin. He's the blacksmith's son. He's been building a house this summer and it's customary to have a home built before you propose, although it's kind of an outdated tradition these days so not everyone does it. The thing is, Hiroshi won't try to get your approval. He thinks that you're biding your time to ask Rin to marry her."
Sesshomaru smiled faintly at this burst of exposition. "So, he'll ask one of the priestesses instead."
"Kaede, probably," Kohaku said with a nod.
"I have no control over Rin's choice in a mate. I've already told her as much."
Kohaku nodded slowly and then looked down, toeing the dirt in the field with one of his weathered boots. Once he had collected his thoughts, he quietly asked, "Is it because you're hoping Rin will choose you?"
This time, Sesshomaru's mouth curved into a full, satisfied smile.
"I would not deny her," Sesshomaru replied calmly, "but ultimately I'll respect whatever she chooses. It's not for me to tell her what to do."
Jaken, who had been watching this interaction, bowed his head at this response. There was no mistaking his disappointment and Sesshomaru was sure that he was imagining a life where Rin was no longer part of their daily moments, where she was but a memory in their minds as she lived the rest of her human existence with another man. It was likely that Jaken had envisioned a future where Rin would once again return to their group, perhaps even living with them on Sesshomaru's estate. He had mentioned her enough times throughout the years that Sesshomaru knew Jaken had developed his own unique attachment to Rin. He would take it hard if they were to leave her behind in the village.
Kohaku, in contrast, was gazing across at Sesshomaru, unsurprised and looking at him with deep respect.
Sesshomaru had never hidden his affection for Rin, not even when she had been a child when his feelings had been far less developed. It was because of that which caused her to be a target for so many of his enemies. Nonetheless, no one had asked him directly to what extent that affection lied, not even Jaken. He knew that Inuyasha had wanted to ask him, but he was too cowardly and he was sure that if Kagome had been given the chance, she would have demanded to know his intentions more than once. Whether he chose to be honest with them like he had with Kohaku was something altogether different; however, because Sesshomaru suspected Kohaku's motivations for asking such a question, he had no trouble being as direct with him as he had with Sesshomaru. It was irrelevant, anyway, as Sesshomaru was sure anyone who had seen his exchanges with Rin could discern his feelings for her. It did not take him speaking it aloud to make it true.
"You're a great man, Lord Sesshomaru," Kohaku said with a small sigh, looking away. "That's why I mentioned age. I've tried to emulate you over the years and standing next to you, you don't look any older than me. It's weird to be trying to be like a person who looks no older than me. I won't ever be as strong as you, but I've always wanted to go through life as confident and wise as you are." He laughed slightly. "With this, though...I've been pretty stupid and I'm not confident at all."
A few minutes passed where Kohaku gazed across at the village. Watching him, Sesshomaru had to admire Kohaku's earnestness, his frankness at describing his shortcomings. There were so few men in the world – human or demon – that were willing to admit to admiring another man, especially when in regards to women. Jealousy, envy, and intense competition often won over all other emotions. It was why Hiroshi was failing as a competent marriage option whereas Kohaku would be more highly considered.
Turning back to face Sesshomaru, Kohaku faced him with a sobering expression. "This sounds kind of strange to ask of you, but I'd like to ask for your approval to propose to Rin, Lord Sesshomaru. It would mean a lot to me."
"Why?" Sesshomaru queried interestedly. "You've already admitted you view me as your rival in this."
Kohaku seemed surprised by such a question. "Of course, that goes without saying," he replied. "At the end of the day, though, I know that Rin will always take your opinion into consideration. It doesn't matter to me what the villagers think and I know Rin's not interested in Hiroshi. If you saw me as...well, as kind of worthy to be her husband, I would feel more comfortable asking. I love her – more than you can know – but I also know how much she means to you. I wouldn't take that away from you. If she wanted to continue to travel with you, then I wouldn't get in the way of that. I just want to be with her and to see Rin happy."
Sesshomaru was quiet for a moment, inspecting the human before him. There was something deeply admirable and yet also strange about Kohaku's selflessness. He did not miss the irony that, like Sesshomaru, Kohaku was willing to defer to the man that would make Rin most happy. Something in the way that Kohaku spoke about it carried the presumption that Rin would most likely reject him, yet he still wanted to ask and only if Sesshomaru would approve of him crossing that line. That Kohaku had taken into account Sesshomaru's own needs and feelings on the matter revealed how selfless of a man Kohaku really was when it came to her. Even if Sesshomaru had not known him, he would have been inclined to give his approval regardless. Other men would not have accepted his role in her life, let alone allow their wife to travel alone with a demon lord.
"Do as you please, then," Sesshomaru told him, inclining his head slightly. "You have this Sesshomaru's approval."
Kohaku smiled in genuine relief and directed a short bow towards him. "Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru."
Once he had straightened, he gave a wave to Jaken and, his business conducted, returned to where Kirara was lounging in the tall grass. Once she had transformed to her larger form, the pair soared over the field, over the river, and faded behind the cliffs as he headed back towards the village. Only once he was out of sight did Jaken at last speak up.
"Lord Sesshomaru...is it wise to allow him to do that?" Jaken asked quietly in the silence that had followed Kohaku's departure.
"Just because he asks does not mean she will say yes, Jaken," Sesshomaru reasoned.
And now that Kohaku would be making his move, Sesshomaru would be able to follow through with his own plans.
After the conversation with Kohaku, neither Sesshomaru nor Jaken saw either him or Rin until a few days later when she arrived for a training session. It was not unusual for Rin to go missing from training for a few days, as she had chores and other responsibilities that took her time, not to mention her penchant for becoming distracted by some new interest or curiosity that would take her time until she had grown bored of it. This time when she wandered into the clearing, however, she looked worse for wear. There were dark smudges under her eyes from lack of sleep and, upon closer inspection, her eyes looked a tad puffy. In spite of her appearance, though, she smiled brightly when Sesshomaru turned to regard her. He frowned at her appearance, though he said nothing immediately to her about it. It was not the first time he had seen Rin looking rough around the edges, although it had been many years since then.
Jaken, who had been wrestling with getting a wild boar onto a spit to roast for his dinner, looked positively alarmed. "Rin! What've you gone and done to yourself now?" he demanded brusquely, pushing away from the boar and stomping his tiny figure up to her.
"You're not using a thick enough spit, Master Jaken," she said, ignoring his inquiry and pointing at the sharp stick he had been attempting to thrust through his food. "You'll need to make another one."
"What's wrong with your eyes?"
"Do you need me to find you one?"
"Have you been crying?"
"Have you forgotten how to cook?" Rin shot back, losing patience with his barrage of questions.
Even as Jaken puffed himself up to continue his questioning, Sesshomaru took that moment to intervene and gave him a quelling stare. With a good deal of reluctance, Jaken clamped his mouth shut and took the spit that Rin had said was too skinny and stormed off away to find a sturdier replacement. Even though Sesshomaru was similarly perturbed, he could not help but be somewhat amused at Jaken's protectiveness of her. This was not the first time Jaken had stepped in for Rin or been willing to go to battle with the villagers on her behalf. He had taken up the role of an older brother or best friend, something that Sesshomaru had not expected, not even now.
While Sesshomaru appreciated Jaken's ability to be offended in his stead, he also knew Rin well enough to suspect that this was one of the many times that she would not be willing to divulge her feelings. As open and honest as she was with them, there were certain things that she avoided telling them or tried to sidestep to avoid worrying anyone. He had noticed it when she had first arrived at the village and would catch too many bruises and cuts to be normal childish antics. It had been Inuyasha, not her, who had informed him that the village children had been bullying him. It had only been because Rin had purposely hid this from him that he did not act on the information. He was not one to disrespect her privacy then and he certainly would not do so now.
Whatever had happened that had upset her recently was her secret to keep. He would not force it out of her.
Jaken's absence had left the clearing quiet and still. They had arrived at the hottest part of summer, right before the temperatures would begin to cool and the trees would change colours. Rin reached up and brushed her hair from her neck, where it had begun to stick to the sweat on her skin. She had returned her gaze to Sesshomaru, but had not yet approached him. She seemed unsure, hesitating on the spot as though she wanted to tell him something and yet also was reluctant to do so. Thankfully, he was a patient man, and waited quietly while she inwardly warred with herself.
Eventually, her shoulders drooping slightly, she made her way towards where Sesshomaru was lounging comfortably in a beam of light and settled on her knees next to him, tucking her kimono beneath her neatly.
"I haven't been able to sleep very well lately," she said to him, folding her hands in her lap. Sesshomaru tilted his head slightly to acknowledge he was listening, meeting her gaze. Her eyes were always so direct when looking at him. It was something that he had found attractive over the years. She did not look upon him with anger or with the intent to confront him, but a steady confidence in herself that he found rare in most women. It was a quality that only Rin seemed to possess. "Lord Sesshomaru...I know I haven't asked in a long time, but when can I travel again with you? Every time you've told me the time isn't right."
"This is your reason for sleeping poorly?"
"Kind of." Her jaw had tightened suddenly, her eyes hardening just the slightest bit. He recognized the determined, obstinate look, though not the accompanying flush that had arrived in her cheeks. "You told me that I'm allowed to make my own choice for a husband – shouldn't it follow that I make my own choices with my life, too?"
"Undoubtedly."
"Then couldn't I travel with you instead of marrying?" she rushed on. "I would like very much if I could – if it's not any trouble."
"What reasons do you have for wanting to leave the village, Rin?" Sesshomaru asked her. "You're safe here, you have marriage opportunities, and you have humans here that you would miss. You've traveled with me before and know the path I walk isn't an easy one. Your life has already been endangered multiple times. Life could be easy for you here."
"I don't want an easy life," Rin said despairingly and scooted herself a bit closer to him. There was a desperate, pleading look in her eyes, as though she were begging him to understand. "I stopped asking because I thought maybe you wanted me to give it a chance – life as a normal human, I mean. No matter how many years have passed, though, I haven't stopped wanting to be back with you and Master Jaken. I...I miss that. This is a good life here and I appreciate what Kaede and Kagome have done to make it possible for me to be here, but it's not what I want." She bowed her head then, her fingers twisting together anxiously into her lap until she forcibly flatted them onto her thighs. "I'm afraid if I stay here, I'll be forced to live in a way that I don't want. All the girls do, otherwise they're thrown out by their family – like Mei, for example! She wants to be a demon slayer and she's afraid that she won't have a home if she does that instead of raising a family. I don't want to disrespect them that way for taking me in, but..."
She had lost her nerve and trailed off, looking so defeated that Sesshomaru might have told her off in the middle of her explanation. He could not conceive where this sudden need to leave the village had developed, who this girl Mei was, or why Rin believed that she was going to be forced into the equivalent of domestic servitude. The sudden change made him begin to suspect that something more had happened between her and Kohaku than either Jaken had witnessed or the boy would have admitted to him. If that were true, though, then Rin must have known of Kohaku's intentions towards her and was beginning to feel the pressure of making a choice soon. It was the only logical conclusion given what she had said and how she was acting presently.
Sesshomaru studied her for several moments after she had fallen silent, deliberating with himself on how to best approach this. He did not want to coerce Rin in any way or sway her mind. He had done well over the years to remain as an impartial companion, only offering his feedback when asked. Her countenance did not seem to be derived from desperation, but rather motivated from a general frustration in the humans for making designs on her future. Of all the people in her life, he had been the only one who had encouraged her to make decisions on her own and it was this which likely caused her to return to her initial desire since she had been a child.
"Rin, look at me." Shifting, he reached up and tilted her head up to force her to meet his gaze. "They can no more force you to do something than I can. You should be asking yourself what you want."
Rin withdrew from his touch, pushing her bangs from her forehead that was sticky with sweat and blowing out a tiny breath of frustration. "But you won't tell me if I can even go with you!"
Sesshomaru gazed back at her, unfazed by this outburst. "If you wish it."
"What do you want, though?" Rin asked in turn. "I don't want to be a burden or go if you don't want me there, Lord Sesshomaru."
"That should be evident," he told her mildly. "I have no other reason for being here. It gives me pleasure to see you."
Rin blinked and then laughed, her cheeks flushing pink. "I guess you're right," she admitted, reluctantly smiling. "I'm sorry, Lord Sesshomaru. I'm being annoying, aren't I?"
Sesshomaru chose not to reply to this. He had a few choice words for how Rin was behaving, but annoying was not among them. Confusing would have been a better description.
"I don't want to live a life without you in it," Rin continued quietly, her brow wrinkling in worry. "Nobody in the village accepts you except for Kohaku. But he's not – well, he's my best friend. It's not the same thing as a husband."
"That shouldn't factor into your decision, Rin," Sesshomaru told her with a disapproving frown. He did not miss the fumble over the topic of Kohaku, but that was now the least of his concerns. He had not expected her to include him in her life choices when she was at the village. The whole point of her remaining here had been so he would not be a part of her consideration during that time.
"But it does! And it's not just about you, but how people treat demons. If I'd had that attitude when I saw you in the forest, I wouldn't be here – I wouldn't even be alive. I just don't understand how they can be so hateful, even towards Inuyasha." She tucked her hair behind her ear, her gaze dropping down to her lap. "Both you and Inuyasha have saved the village so many times from other demons. All they see are people who are different than them. Demons and half-demons still have human emotions just like I do and...to be honest, you've been more kind to me than any of them have. They're either nice because they're afraid or, with the boys, because they expect something from me. I don't hate them for it...I understand why they're acting this way. I just wish they didn't."
"Demons are similarly biased," Sesshomaru reminded her steadily. "Naraku should be evidence enough of that. There will always be those who wish death on others." He paused as she raised her eyes back to him. "You're too idealistic."
"I know," she agreed, smiling at him. "You tell me all the time."
He snorted softly. "It seems to do little saying it."
Rin laughed, the gloom around her dissipating. Whatever anxiety that had been plaguing her when she had arrived had left her mind, albeit temporarily.
The pair fell silent then, listening to the distant sounds of birds chattering in the trees. In the moments after training or when Jaken disappeared to his own devices, Rin would often spend her time this way with him. She was not as chatty as she had been when she was younger, a product he suspected of her maturing. When she told him stories, it was now always with a reason or something that she thought he might find amusing. She was still as inquisitive as ever, however, and he and Jaken would often be submitted to a barrage of questions that Jaken often answered. Unless directly addressed, Sesshomaru preferred to allow Jaken to handle such long-winded explanations.
In the silence, though, Sesshomaru could take comfort in Rin's presence. He was perfectly aware of his own social ineptitude, something that had pained his father deeply when he had been alive and something Sesshomaru had stubbornly refused to adjust. As such, there had been few people comfortable in his presence when a silence had fallen. With Jaken, he still had a nervous energy when Sesshomaru had been quiet for too long, and any other person assumed he was attempting to intimidate them. True, he did occasionally use this as an intimidation tactic, but Rin had been the only person who had taken it in stride. It could have been because she had once been mute herself; regardless of the reason, it was a trait that Sesshomaru had appreciated in her. She was never deterred or put off by him.
Strangely enough, he felt the closest to her in those moments. There were so many times that he and Rin had exchanged words without speaking aloud. Both times when he had revived her, their eyes had locked and it had been as if something in each of them communicated without language. He could still recall holding her tiny form after returning from the underworld and for once, Rin had said nothing upon looking up at him. It had been him who had spoken first, resting her face in the palm of his hand. He had felt his mother and Jaken's inquisitive eyes, knew that they were bemused by the strangeness of it. For Rin, though, she had eventually smiled up at him and looked entirely at peace. She was the only one who could say so much to him with one look.
Just as he had adopted some of Rin's characteristics, she had adopted some of his own.
"You know," Rin spoke up suddenly, casting him a shy smile, "you're quite handsome in the sun, Lord Sesshomaru."
He almost smiled at the observation. She was giving him one of her glowing looks that he enjoyed so much.
"If you say so," he said. "Superficialities don't interest me."
She wrinkled her nose at this and made a strange motion as if to flatten her hair and then thought better of it. It was so hot out that it would have done very little. "Everyone likes to be complimented."
"They're pointless."
She fiddled with the end of one of her kimono sleeves. "A lot of things are pointless, that doesn't mean they're not nice."
"Are you wishing for me to compliment you?"
She stopped fidgeting, looking surprised. "No! That's not what I meant by that. I just – I like to pay you a compliment, that's all. The sun suits you."
"As it does you," Sesshomaru remarked.
A warm, pleased smile curled her lips upward. "Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru." After a few seconds, she leaned in closer, brushing her fingertips over the top of his hand. He cast her a questioning glance. "So, will you let me go with you? When you leave the village this time?"
"You have yet to give me a reason for why you want to go."
She bowed her head, appearing to take more time to think of her response. Beforehand, she had reacted emotionally with her response and while she had given reasons, they were not necessarily as clear as Sesshomaru wanted. Her explanation had jumped from point to point, which gave him reason to believe that she had yet to truly reconcile her heart where her human life was concerned. Either that, or she was avoiding telling him more directly. It would have been unusual, but not unexpected, either. She still had yet to tell him anything regarding Kohaku and, in fact, seemed to be avoiding the topic of her friend altogether.
"For me, it's simple," she said at last, raising her head to meet his gaze. "I want to be with you. Isn't that enough of a reason?"
Sesshomaru did not answer her and instead he raised his hand, brushing the backs of his fingers over her cheek. When he cupped her cheek in his hand, she leaned into the touch, the warmth of her cheek burning into his skin. It was not the first time he had touched her thusly. He had indulged in more of these small gestures and touches the last time he had come to the village. Looking into her face, he could see no hesitance or doubt in her conviction. She might have been less clear in her speech, but there was no mistaking what lied behind her eyes. The sight of it struck him dumb for a few seconds.
He was not given a chance to say anything, though, for the sound of Jaken's voice loudly complaining broke their reverie, causing Rin to lift her face away from Sesshomaru's palm to glance behind her. She looked somewhat disappointed at Jaken's return, although she greeted the imp with a wide smile as she rose to her feet to meet him.
"Are you satisfied?" Jaken loudly grumbled, brandishing his new spit towards her, the ends of the stick newly sharpened. "You're wasting my time, making me run all over the forest!"
"You weren't gone too long," Rin said lightly, making her way towards the boar. "Here, I'll help you."
While Jaken and Rin jointly sat the boar up straight so that they could spear it with the new spit, Sesshomaru watched them with a shuttered expression. Rin was behaving as if the moment prior had not even happened, teasing Jaken as she always did, as if there was nothing more pressing on her mind than helping him cook his dinner. For his part, Sesshomaru could shake the look in her eyes out of his mind.
He had been so absorbed in Bushuugi, his father's lands, and staying true to his plan these past years that he had missed when something had shifted within Rin. If he were a lesser man, he would have blamed it on a lack of awareness, yet he had been as observant as ever when he did visit Rin. The truth was that he had not wanted to see it, had thought it would influence his own resolve and possibly cause him to falter. He had no trouble in remaining steadfast on his own, but the possibility of being with Rin sooner might have been too great of a temptation. Now that Kohaku was making his move, however, and Sesshomaru was prepared for whatever decision Rin had made regardless of what it entailed, he was seeing her feelings for him as clearly as everyone else must have, as well.
For the first time in his life, his intellect had failed him. And now that he had seen it, he would no longer be able to deny Rin anything, let alone himself.