In Her Eyes

by Demented Insane Spirit

"I want to be with Lord Sesshomaru, even if it just means I can be by his side." Unbeknownst to Rin, Sesshomaru has been waiting patiently so that she can make the choice between the life of a human or as a demon's companion. Where he once was satisfied with her mere presence in his life, when he sees Rin again, he finds that his feelings are no longer that simple.

14. Act II, Part III

Part III

Sesshomaru gazed at the water colour painting tucked in a corner of the room. Propped against the floor, it was quite nondescript. There was something feminine in the colours chosen and the brush strokes that made him aware it had not been done by Toga. The painting was of what he assumed was his father, the demon dog's fluffy tail brushing against the edge of the painting. In the background, there appeared a faint outline of what appeared to be a castle and mountains. At the very corner he could see smudged characters, but they could not be made out. Here, in this room of relics, papers, and scrolls, it remained – a spare piece of art, the only piece of Izayoi that he had found here on the estate.

The past few days, Sesshomaru had remained with Rin to ensure that she rested appropriately. The first day back, she had slept for a long time. When she had awoken, she had been groggy that day and said very little. It was only on the third day that she seemed more like herself, if a little tired still. Her feet had been torn up, her skin wind-chapped from the mountain, and like Kohaku, she had been low in energy. Kohaku had also slept for a long time that first day, although he recovered much faster. Only after Rin began to regain some colour and she became more comfortable in her environment did he leave her to explore the estate. He knew that Inuyasha had already wandered around the outer buildings, but he, like the others, did not dare approach the main building that sat in the middle of the estate, facing the front gardens. Sesshomaru had no such qualms in disturbing his father's old living quarters.

The first room that Sesshomaru had stepped into had brought a fresh wave of nostalgia that he had not expected. Toga had only called on him once and it had been in that room where he had drunk sake with him. It had been the last real conversation he had with his father until he had tracked him down and found him bleeding on the beach. It had been because of that conversation that he had ever returned to the west. If it had been up to him, he would have let the land and this estate burn to the ground. There was nothing for him here and no glory in taking his father's old title.

But Sesshomaru was a man of his word. Toga had asked him to defend their lands from the other demon lords, so he would finish cleaning out the remaining rivals of his father's so that he need not return too quickly. Admittedly, he had not thought that the other demon lords would rally as fast as they did after his father's death, so he had neglected his promise for a time, thinking fear of the dog demon clan would keep them in check. He should have known that demon lords like Bushuugi who lusted too heavily after power would act rashly. If Bushuugi had waited until he had a better grasp on his forces and more influence on the clans around him, he might have been more of a challenge earlier on. He also, Sesshomaru suspected, would not have fled; his arrogance would have overtaken his good sense. Eventually arrogant demons would meet their doom in some way or another. Sesshomaru had felt the taste of defeat, the warning acid that had burned him. Most demons were not so fortunate to survive such a warning.

Sesshomaru's mindset might have altered somewhat over the years, but his pride still prevented him from saying more than necessary to the others in the group. He would not reveal his true motivations to Inuyasha or anyone else in regards to Toga's title or his sudden presence in the west. He had said all he would on the matter to Inuyasha and while he would have told Rin if she had asked him directly, he knew that she never would. She, out of everyone, had respected his privacy when it came to his family relationships.

Once again, Sesshomaru eyed the water colour painting. Instinct encouraged him to rip it to pieces, to tear the little reminder of Izayoi away from this place. Respect for his father stayed his hand. It would do little to tear up a painting when both parties were long dead.

Turning away from it, he instead contemplated the small study. The inlaid shelves in the wall were filled wall to wall with tightly wound scrolls and on the small table in the middle of the room, stray parchments remained lying undisturbed after years. It was clear that the magic his mother had instilled upon the estate had also prevented any dust from settling in the rooms here. Everything was perfectly intact, as though it were trapped within time.

Sesshomaru reached out and picked up one of the pieces of parchment. Looking at the lines, he saw that it was a brief haiku that his father had written.

The season of snow

Ever light, yet so alone

Death – and so it comes

His mouth turned down slightly at the corners. It did not take a great deal of interpretation to understand the meaning. Death, it seemed, had been on Toga's mind even before he had gone to meet Ryukotsusei. And once again, his mind drifted back to the conversation he had with him before leaving the estate.

"Your weakness for humans will cause your end."

"I know."

In the same way that Toga had imparted a warrior's warning to him, Sesshomaru had done so in return. His father had been too occupied with Izayoi and trying to hold onto his lands, even as multiple demon lords marched towards him and challenged him. Sesshomaru had watched silently, listening to the gossip that drifted between demons as both Izayoi and his father tried to keep a hold on their separate estates. He had listened to the humans mutter amongst themselves about the indecency of her birthing a half-demon, of a woman of noble blood lying with a demon. He had seen the discontent rising in the groups and had known it would come to a head. When he had spoken to his father then, he had seen the self-awareness in his eyes and it had angered him that, in spite of seeing the danger, Toga was choosing to walk into the flames of a war that would kill him rather than turn away.

In spite of that, he chose to watch his father's ultimate fall for his own eyes. His sire had earned that respect from him. He had watched the battle with Ryukotsusei, saw him rush away to Izayoi, and had stood in the trees while his father burned in the fires of her estate. He had seen Izayoi flee the estate and for a moment, she had walked within feet of him and he had considered, very briefly, killing her and Inuyasha and ending the disappointing display that night. Knowing what Toga had sacrificed for her and the child, he could not make himself do it. He had let them walk away from his hidden spot in the trees and even when Inuyasha was alone and still weak, he could not make himself kill his half-brother. As much as he had begun to hate his father on some level during that time in his life, he also could not find himself disrespecting his death by destroying what remained of Toga's sacrifice.

Not even Myoga or Totosai had known he had been there at Izayoi's estate. He could have stepped in and saved his father, but something in the way that Toga had spoken to him leading up to that day had convinced him that his father knew there was no way to reconcile his duty and life's desires. It seemed he knew that he was merging two paths that could not be simultaneously taken and such a decision would only lead to death. From Sesshomaru's perspective, it was a coward's way out and he had no intention of prolonging a life that was already forfeited.

Now, Sesshomaru only saw what had happened with Toga as an example of what to avoid. He had nearly repeated his father's mistake. His arrogance at the time in believing he had surpassed his father, that he could have both and defy even death had come with a deadly cost. Power proved to be too alluring even for him, so he gave up the meido for Rin and chose her over everything else. What had happened with Toga and Izayoi should have been a cautionary tale, yet it had taken Sesshomaru nearly repeating it for him to remember how easily a demon's lust for power could destroy any life he had with a human mate. Even his status as a demon lord was a danger to Rin, though far more manageable when he remained out of his father's lands.

He would fulfill his promise to Toga and nothing more. Pursuing anything beyond that would be a death sentence to Rin.

Dropping the haiku back onto the table, he inspected the other papers, but found nothing else of interest. There were incoherent notes, the beginnings of what looked like maps of certain areas, and several blank pieces of parchment beneath it all. Most of what would be useful would be filed in the shelves, a task that he would set for Jaken.

Leaving the room, he made his way back through the rooms to the front of the building where he had left the door open. Outside, it had grown dark in the time that he had been in his father's quarters. Daylight lasted so briefly during the winter that it was easy for time to get away from oneself. The gardens were lit with an ethereal glow that seemed to be magically stimulated in the lanterns. In the warm lighting, he spotted a slight figure standing in front of a pond and recognized it as Rin. She was the only one outside, it appeared, as neither Jaken nor Kohaku was nearby.

Shutting the door behind him, he left the main building and made his way across the gardens to her. It was not like Rin to wander off alone unless she was hoping for his company. He had learned that early on when she would wander into the forest at the village searching for him.

"What are these?" she asked him when he came to stand next to her. He glanced down into the pond at the creatures that were swimming languidly in the pool. They looked similar to a burbot fish, but had tiny little horns and were more colorful in nature.

"Lesser demons," he replied, extending a hand out towards the water. Just above the surface, he could feel a subtle magical barrier. "There's a spell over the pond."

"They must've been here for thousands of years," she commented, pulling her fur-trimmed shawl around her a bit more securely.

Jaken had dug out old kimonos and clothing from the guest quarters and procured some warmer layers for her while they were in the mountains. They had also needed to find futons for everyone, which had been an easy feat as most everything was neatly tucked into storage in the guest quarters. Kouga and Inuyasha had taken residence in one of the larger rooms while Kohaku and Rin had taken smaller rooms in the same building. Once Sesshomaru had left Rin's room, Jaken had taken up his place in watching over her at night, sleeping in a far corner from her futon. In the days following when they had arrived at the estate, they focused on compiling supplies and Inuyasha and Kohaku had ventured out down the stone staircase to the village at the bottom of the mountain to find food.

After her recovery from the journey, he had not seen much of Rin, who had kept to the quarters mostly. This was the first time she had ventured outside the guest building and while she looked much recovered, she still had a pale, peaky look to her face and faint circles beneath her eyes. Her feet, which had taken the majority of the beating from the long travel, were now bandaged and she walked on them tenderly to avoid putting too much pressure on them.

She noticed his eyes on her feet and smiled. "They're getting a lot better. Kaede sent me with some ointment, so they're healing nicely." She pulled the kimono up a bit to inspect her bandages. "I'm not used to walking in the mountains anymore."

"Hm."

"Inuyasha's been in an awful mood lately." She dropped her kimono and looked up at him. Above them, snowflakes had begun to drift down sparsely, causing small little dustings to form in her hair and melt. "Did he bother you?"

"His existence is a disgrace," Sesshomaru said mildly.

Rin laughed at this remark, causing him to glance at her. Even though it was clear something was weighing on her mind and she was weary, it was pleasing to hear her laugh. He had never understood why she often laughed at his insults towards other people. Any other woman would have been affronted at the way he spoke about them, yet Rin would often giggle or smile, even when she had been younger. He used to think that it was a child's amusement at cruelty, yet had learned through the years that even when he directed such harshness towards her, she would grin in the face of such words. She seemed to find it endearing when everyone else would turn away from him because of it.

"I don't think he's trying to be annoying," she offered with a small smile. "Him and Kouga are really restless. Kohaku's afraid that they plan to go off by himself. He's been keeping an eye on them."

"In war, there's value in patience. Something they both lack."

"Is there something specific you're waiting on then, Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Kinrokuro will have heard by now that Kouga is in the west," he replied. "He should be sending his wolves out to sniff around. He likely expected Kouga to die along with his clan so that he could take up his role as the head of the wolf demon tribe. He won't expect that he's allied with the dog demon clan and will avoid attacking directly. He'll rely on Bushuugi for that."

"But I thought you didn't want to help the wolf demons?"

"As you said, their usefulness will only be as a distraction. If Bushuugi was smart, he will have moved his estate from where Ryukotsusei had it in the mountains. That would take longer to track him. Using Kinrokuro will bypass that."

Rin looked thoughtful before saying, "Kouga and Inuyasha have still been fighting about him. I don't think Kouga wants to believe that Kinrokuro betrayed him."

"It doesn't concern me what he thinks."

"I know, but it worries me whether he'll cause problems for everyone. I don't know that his loyalty towards Kagome really extends to Inuyasha or us."

Sesshomaru flicked a mildly surprised look to Rin, who was now looking at a point beyond the pond. He had not expected this train of thought from her. She was typically wary of the wolf demons, true, but had always been one to give others the benefit of the doubt, including Kouga. In a bout of clarity, she was seeing it from the perspective of a warrior in battle rather than a bystander. As a child, Rin had experienced how easily one's own biases and loyalties had played a role in a person's actions. She had seen it with Kagura, who had tried to use both Sesshomaru and Inuyasha for her own personal gain, and even with Sango, who had been willing to sacrifice Rin's life for her brother's. Sometime while living in the village, she must have seen the sway of loyalties throughout the years until she was older and could understand it better.

During the conversation about the wolf demons, she had not contributed to the conversation like Kohaku, but had been watchful. She had asked Sesshomaru minimal questions, although nothing to make him think that she suspected Kouga might not be trustworthy in battle when it came down to facing his kin. It was advantageous to have someone perceptive and mostly ignored during those conversations, as they could often see more than others. Not for the first time, Sesshomaru found himself impressed by how well Rin adapted to her environment.

"He's Inuyasha's responsibility," Sesshomaru said at last. "If he chooses the wolf demons, then he'll meet my blade with them."

Her mouth curved slightly. "You always know what to do, no matter what the situation is. I wish I could move as fast as you and Inuyasha do – or even as fast as Kohaku. It feels like, if he makes that decision, I'll be in danger first. He doesn't seem to like you or Jaken very much."

She released a tiny sigh and then turned away, moving away from where she had been standing.

Sesshomaru remained by the pond, continuing to watch the demon fish swirl back and forth in the pond for a few seconds before looking up. Rin had not moved far, stepping into the light of the lantern. She reached out, catching the snowflakes on her hand. Silhouetted by the light, she appeared so fragile and small in the vastness of this world. This place would protect her for now, though there would always be the impending threat as soon as she left its barriers. He knew that he would be able to protect her, but if they remained here in the west for too long, it would come at a cost to what made Rin most special to him.

"There are more demons that are going to try to use me against you, Lord Sesshomaru," Rin said. She turned to look at him over her shoulder and smiled. There was an edge of wistfulness to it that he disliked. "It's probably best if I stay here. Inuyasha says there's a barrier over the estate that will keep me safe."

As Sesshomaru had predicted when Kagome had approached him, Rin wanted to protect him from the unseen dangers that came from their mixed partnership. He had half-expected it after Ujihime's attack, reading her expression too well in the days afterward. He knew she had been dwelling on it ever since Kagome had been attacked and had read it in her face in the days they had travelled. There were moments in the first days when they had left the village where her mind would be far away and a clouded, worried look would enter her eyes. He could not help her shake her personal responsibility, as it was not his place to dictate where her obligations lied; however, he would not allow her to shoulder responsibility for his father's enemies. Ujihime and Bushuugi's pursuit of Toga's title had little to do with her, even if his choice of partner had antagonized them just as it had done when Toga had taken Izayoi as his mate. Regardless, he would have remained a target whether she was by his side or not. His father had ensured that his sons would one day be forced to face those that had a vendetta against their clan for his actions.

Sesshomaru did not immediately move to meet her, considering over his own thoughts and what she had said in the silence that followed. He knew that it had been Ujihime and Bushuugi whom had sowed that seed of doubt in her mind, making her think that she could possibly be an inconvenience to him. It was not in his nature to reassure Rin, as he had never really needed to in the past, so he found himself rather inept at it. She had told him that she was happy to be with him, regardless of what anyone thought of her decision. It had been a long time since she had last faced demons that were set on using Sesshomaru's affection for her as a weapon, so perhaps she had not taken that wholly into account when she had asked him to be her partner. It was not a rejection necessarily, but to Sesshomaru's pride, it felt like the equivalent. The implication that he, Sesshomaru, had chosen the wrong partner, that he could not protect her, and that she did not trust him to protect her against the demons that sought to abuse her was too much of an offense, even if she had not said the words.

The implication ran parallel to the insult of the comparison Inuyasha had made at the hot springs. He was not Toga, who had been unable to protect Izayoi when it had mattered and had left her with a half-demon child that had remained untrained for most of its life. And Rin was not that woman, who had willingly turned her back upon him and ran. Her current concern was proof enough that she had a more realistic perspective of the dangers posed to such a partnership. Nonetheless, Sesshomaru had known this when he left Rin at the village and she, too, had known as such when she asked to be his wife. He would not have two worthless demons make her doubt herself, let alone him. Their path would not have the same end as his father's.

"Do you doubt me, Rin?" he asked her.

Alarmed, she shook her head. "No! It's not that, I just..." She hesitated, as if debating on how to frame her words. "I know you'd do anything to keep me safe," she hastily continued in a rush, "but I don't have to like people seeing me as an opportunity to hurt you."

"And what will you think if you have children?" Sesshomaru asked her a bit more brusquely than he had intended. She started, appearing taken aback. "There's no room in this world for half-demon children, let alone those from my clan. They, along with any that Inuyasha have, will be hunted because they come from the same lineage. People will try to use them, thinking they are weaker because of their blood, and they will become tools against you, as their mother."

"I...I never thought of it," she admitted.

Her brow had puckered, but she did not look away from him. Even though it was clear she had stirred his ire, she was not afraid of meeting his gaze. She did not fear his temper, though he knew she did not like when it was directed at her.

After a time, she said, "I can't know what it's like to be a half-demon, so I can't know what would be best in that situation. I know they're more capable than me or any human, of course, but I still don't understand the demon world, even after traveling with you or Jaken explaining things to me. I only know my experience. In that situation...I would leave it to you. I trust you completely and you've always had a reason behind what you do. And it's always seemed to work out for the better."

Satisfied by her answer, he at last moved to meet her, brushing the snowflakes off her hair. Her nose was starting to pinken from the cold.

"But," Rin said quietly, raising her head to look at him, "I'm not afraid of death, Lord Sesshomaru. My fear is that I could be the reason you get killed. I couldn't forgive myself for that, not even in the afterlife."

"Your fear is unfounded." He brushed his fingers over her cheek, a fleeting gesture that made her blink up at him. "There is no death in partnership. Are you intending to be my wife or merely a mate?"

"I – well...that is...it was never discussed," she mumbled, a sudden pinkness rising up her neck. "Demons don't take wives, I heard."

"I'm not any other demon," he told her plainly. "As my wife, I expect you to walk by my side until death. You will not remain behind a barrier. There's no demon that can use me against you, Rin." He reached down, tipping her head back as she had begun to bow her head. "Look at me. Don't mistake yourself for being weaker than you are. Know your worth. When I go into battle against Bushuugi, you will be at my side as the wife of this Sesshomaru, not as a mere human. And when you next go into the netherworld, I will follow just as I had before."

She breathed out a laugh at such a declaration and gave him a very gentle smile. "Alright..."

She reached up, brushing her fingertips across his face. The snow was coming down in thicker flakes now, casting strange shadows over the lantern lights. She blinked away the flakes that landed on her eyelashes and Sesshomaru bent his head, resting his forehead against hers to block the snowflakes from hitting her face. His hair created a curtain around them, omitting the snowflakes from the private circle. Her skin was cold to the touch when her fingers slid beneath his hair, over his neck. He ran a hand through her damp hair and she closed her eyes, releasing a tiny breath that puffed out a small cloud of air in the cool temperature. Her expression seemed serene, as if a peace had settled over her.

He caught a familiar scent nearby and raised his head from her, turning to find that Inuyasha had stopped at the end of the pathway, his expression conflicted. Rin had tilted her head back when he withdrew, opening her eyes to the cloudy sky above them. Snowflakes landed and melted onto her skin briefly. She did not seem aware of their visitor. It did not take someone of great perception to know that Inuyasha was uncomfortable upon seeing them. It was also similarly obvious where his mind had gone. There was a pained, pinched look in his face as his gaze landed on Rin. Even if there were superficial similarities to Toga and Izayoi, that was all that existed. Inuyasha would be unable to see beyond that, too trapped in half-memories and stories. Sesshomaru certainly had no intention of attempting to provide any more clarity than he had done already. His brother would not believe him, anyway.

"Oh," Rin said when Inuyasha slowly began tramping through the beginning snow towards them. "What are you doing out here?"

"I thought I'd check on you since you'd been gone so long," he said reluctantly, glancing at Sesshomaru. "It's starting to snow pretty hard out here. You should be inside."

She rubbed her nose and gave an abashed smile. "Sorry for worrying you. You're right." She shook the snow off her shawl and flashed a smile up to Sesshomaru. Her cheeks had become rosy pink with the cold, but there was a pleased, warm look in her eyes that he recognized. The uneasiness in her expression from earlier had faded. "I'll be going. Goodnight, Lord Sesshomaru. Thanks for being with me."

She hurried past Inuyasha, who cast another glance at Sesshomaru and then followed her shortly afterward. Whatever thought that had occurred to him he seemed to think was better left unsaid.

Sesshomaru did not follow them, watching until they had rounded the corner before turning and making his way back to the main building. Rather than entering it to go to the room that he had been using as his quarters while there, he settled down on the engawa and sat staring out at the gardens. The snow was creating a thick blanket over the gardens, covering it in the peaceful, white fluffy substance. The scenery reminded him too much of when he had last seen his father here, standing on this side of the building when he had approached him. Inuyasha had not yet been born then.

Children...

The idea had been permeating his mind ever since he had wanted Rin as his mate, perhaps a natural byproduct of his developing relationship with her. He had not expected her answer, which had been why he had avoided lingering on the thought too long. He knew that if he had framed it in any other way, she might not have understood the risks of raising half-demon children. Because he had posed it during that conversation when she, herself, was concerned for his life, she had seen it more clearly. He never would have presented such an idea to her otherwise. If such an event were to occur, Sesshomaru could not allow them to be raised like his brother or any of the human children. The experience with Bushuugi was enough to convince him that the only way they could survive would be by living as he had done as a child, to find their own way until they were of age. It would be their rite of courage and cowardice, a ritual that he had created for himself. They would need to strive to earn their title as not only his children, but Rin's. He would accept nothing less and the world, as it was, would not allow weakness in them. Children of Sesshomaru's would be subject to the same scrutiny that had been directed at him, as the son of Toga. Only death would welcome them if they failed.

This, however, led him to the other portion of the conversation that had been unexpected.

He did not like, nor anticipate, Rin's comfortability with her own death. He had learned long ago to release that fear of the unknown, of the netherworld and its minions. He would not have been a good warrior without doing as much. She had not come to that organically through war, though. She had lost her life twice within a year's period and had come close to it enough times that it no longer posed a threat to her. He had recognized the hidden meaning in her words, that she was willing to sacrifice herself for him. For Sesshomaru, he had no qualms about reciprocating. He had already thrown himself into the netherworld once without thought of his own life – he would willingly do it again, even if it meant it would be his end. He had not been metaphorical when he had told her as much.

Pervasive thoughts of death and mortality lingered in his mind, leading to a brewing frustration – at the short cycle of human life and at himself for his failure at the village. Time, like death, was inescapable. Already, so much of it had been wasted on Bushuugi and his machinations when it should have been spent with Rin. Every minute would count towards another year in her life. There would already be so few years with her and because of his lapse in judgement, he was now wasting time on hunting a demon lord.

A cold wind had begun to pick up the snow, sending the snowflakes crosswise as a blizzard began to develop. In spite of the weather, Sesshomaru remained where he had settled, staring pensively out into the storm.

---

The mornings, while brisk, were the most peaceful at the estate. After the snowstorm had at last subsided, it had left a blanket of snow upon the large estate and which now glistened in the bright sunshine that had followed. Rin shielded her eyes against it, peering up at the cerulean blue sky. It was the first time it had been clear in the past few days and a welcome reprieve.

She made her way to the back of the estate, where she knew that Kohaku had gone that morning. Outside of Sesshomaru's mother's estate in the sky, she had never been in such a grand place and there had not exactly been time to explore when she had been there. Now, as she walked along the stone pathway, she took the time to inspect the buildings and the small details that had gone into making the home so austere. There were tiny garden pieces along the pathway, lanterns that were still glowing dimly from an unseen force, and neatly trimmed trees and bushes that lined the pathways.

There were not many buildings that made up the estate, most of it being gardens and walkways, but those that were there had been comfortable and cozy. The guest building that she and the others slept in was far nicer than anywhere else she had lain her head and far more spacious. She had not ventured to the main building, which was the largest, and where she knew Sesshomaru had been spending most of his time. During the storm, Jaken had disappeared into that building as well, presumably directed by Sesshomaru for some task. She might have wandered in there if it was not so large and if she had not noticed Sesshomaru's brooding nature since they had arrived. It reminded her powerfully of when he would spend nights staring at Tenseiga when she had been younger, neither speaking nor acknowledging either her or Jaken's presence.

She would have liked to help Sesshomaru or Inuyasha in some way, as they both had been in reticent moods since leaving Kaede's village, but did not feel equipped for such a task. Outside of not having a full understanding of demon family customs, she had no idea how to make men feel better about their deceased father. The closest she had to a father figure in her life had been Jaken and as he was a rather uncomplicated individual, she rather doubted her experience with him could be any bit useful in this situation. The little she knew about Toga and his relationship with Sesshomaru had been learned from Jaken in relation to Tenseiga and Tessaiga. Outside of that, she knew next to nothing about how the Great Dog Demon had conducted himself or how his relationship had been with Sesshomaru in life. Given how bitter Sesshomaru had seemed about receiving Tenseiga when she had met him, she had thought it best not to pry in that area.

Additionally, she was aware that this was the most time Inuyasha and Sesshomaru had spent together in their whole life. Sesshomaru seemed indifferent to this, as he tended to avoid contact with everyone anyway, but Inuyasha had made enough sour comments over the past week to make it clear that he, at least, did not like the travel arrangements, let alone accepting help from his older brother. Rin had listened silently while Inuyasha and Kouga grumbled together about sitting around at the estate. It was usually Jaken who would scold Inuyasha into an argument, but when Kohaku spoke up, it was often with a calm rationality that would at last cease the discontented mutterings. In spite of being the youngest of the group, both Rin and Kohaku had the good sense to trust that Sesshomaru was not simply sitting around to waste time. Unfortunately, Inuyasha and Kouga's biases seemed to be clouding their judgment in that regard.

Rounding the corner, she spotted Kohaku talking with Sesshomaru and Jaken in one of the back courtyards. She smiled upon seeing them and picked up her pace a bit to join them. The herbal salve that Kaede had given her in conjunction with nightly soaks had healed her feet quite nicely to where she was at last able to walk without any pain.

"Good morning!" she greeted, stopping beside Kohaku and blowing on her chilled fingers to warm them.

"Oh, it's good you're here," Kohaku said with a returning smile. "I was about to head down to the village with Inuyasha, I thought you'd want to come."

Surprised, she glanced at Sesshomaru. "Really? Should I be leaving here so soon?"

"Kohaku will be with you," Sesshomaru said in reply to her look, "and there's value in experience. The most you'll encounter are minor demons. Take your bow for practice."

"Inuyasha will be there too if it gets out of hand," Kohaku added brightly. "Lord Sesshomaru's right, though. This could be a good practice session if we do come upon anything."

Rin considered over this a moment, although she knew precisely why Sesshomaru had told her to bring her bow and why Kohaku had offered to bring her with him. She had expressed to both of them that she wanted to be able to defend herself and this was their way in showing good faith in their words. The conversation with Sesshomaru from a few days prior, in particular, had bolstered her spirits immensely. It was not only that he wanted to take her as his wife, but that he had full confidence in her being on the battlefield with him. It had eased her anxieties about causing trouble for him and had been beyond flattering. She had always admired Inuyasha and Kagome's partnership when she would watch Kagome stand confidently next to him with her bow. She wanted to gain the same confidence and while she knew she was not as practiced or as strong as Kagome, this would be a good a opportunity to try her hand at real-world skills. She had only had a handful of experiences where she had needed to defend herself and she was not so sure she had done the best in some of those moments.

Maybe, she thought, if I'm able to defend myself a little better, Lord Sesshomaru will be in less danger because of me.

After a few seconds thought, she nodded to Kohaku and, looking to Jaken, she asked, "Are you going to come with, Master Jaken?"

"No, I have stuff to do here," he told her with a tiny frown. "But you should be careful out there, anyway, Rin. You shouldn't rely on someone too much!"

This was such a Jaken-like reply that she laughed.

"Yes, okay," she said with a grin. "You worry too much!"

"Someone has to," he grumbled. "You don't worry nearly enough."

"Come, Jaken," Sesshomaru said, turning away from the group and heading back towards another walkway on the opposite side of the courtyard.

"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken called before hastening after him.

"Let's go," Kohaku said to Rin, ushering her to follow him. "Inuyasha should be waiting at the front of the estate. Here you go." He had pulled something off his back and she realized that he had taken her quiver and bow when leaving the building that morning. She took it gratefully, swinging it over her shoulder.

"What's Jaken working on?" she asked.

"He's been going through all of the paperwork in the main quarters," Kohaku answered as they made their way down the path Rin had just taken, continuing on into the gardens. "There's a lot of records in there, but nothing that has specifics about the clan's old contracts. I don't know if we're going to be able to find anything here like we'd hoped. I'm going to try and make contact with any remaining demon slayers here – they would probably know more."

"Probably," Rin agreed readily. "It's strange to think that there could still be demon slayers here. Everything I've heard from Jaken is how hostile the west is."

"It's not all that bad, he just likes to exaggerate. Or at least from what I know. There's a lot of half-demons here, unlike where we're from. Most of the half-demon kids get killed off fast in the east."

"Why is that?"

"I don't know. Strength in numbers, I guess?"

They fell silent then, Rin's brow puckering slightly. Her mind drifted back to the conversation she had with Sesshomaru, recalling his question about future half-demon children. It had weighed heavier on her mind than she had liked. That night, she had laid in bed and imagined if Kin'u or Gyokuto had been half-demons, how they would have been treated, and if she could have left them in a dangerous situation to fend for themselves. Even as her mind formed the most gruesome possibilities, she was reminded of how quickly Gyokuto had thrown herself onto Hiroshi for her and how fearless the two were when facing Sesshomaru, of whom all the villagers were frightened. It had been a reminder of how she, herself, had sat next to Sesshomaru when he had been wounded, watching over him for hours and even that had been after many years of caring for herself. Children were resilient, far more than adults gave them credit.

She had never thought to consider what would happen in regards to children, let alone marriage. She was still growing accustomed to her new role in Sesshomaru's life and Hiroshi and Bushuugi had managed to disrupt even that small bit of bliss. She had not yet had time to truly wrap her mind around what it would entail to be Sesshomaru's mate or even as his wife. The few shared moments were enough to make it known to her that her feelings for him ran past merely the emotional and metaphysical. It was natural, then, that there would be the possibility of copulation and, as a result of that, children. She did not linger too long on that thought, knowing it would only take her mind somewhere it ought not to be just then. She had spent enough nights replaying stories that girls in the village had shared without needing to do so just then. The concept of that was as foreign to her as children.

Because it was Sesshomaru, though, she knew that his expectations for his children would be high and she also knew that because it was them, they would not be allowed the luxury of a cozy, family life. The image was a tempting one – a small home, a husband coming to one's wife at the end of a long day, raising one's children together – but it was not entirely satisfying to her. She had learned early on that a simple, settled life was not necessarily what she wanted. With Sesshomaru, it would be unorthodox and nothing like how the humans in the village lived. The journey here was a reminder of what life with Sesshomaru would entail – battle, long days of traveling, but also quiet nights together, falling asleep next to him by the fire, and listening to Jaken's history lectures. She would not have traded it for anything in the world.

But, because of her choice, their children would need to be raised in a way that would keep them safe. If Mei and Hiroshi were any example, they could not be raised in the same manner as a human and expect to live for long. Rin, as a full human, felt the disadvantage of not being raised with the skills necessary to defend herself. She had done well enough by herself, but at the end of the day, she had died from a wolf demon attack, something that could have been avoidable if she had been trained like Kohaku or Sango. If she knew Sesshomaru at all, she suspected he would insist on them being raised the same way that he had been – young, alone, and needing to defend oneself.

At the time, she had not liked the image of a young Sesshomaru wandering around alone when he had revealed that information to her; after some reflection, she knew that without that, he would not be the man for whom she loved so powerfully. As she had said to him that night, she trusted his decisions. The experience with Bushuugi had taught her that anyone associated with the dog demon clan could become an easy manipulation tool. The more she lingered on it, the more she knew that it would be more dangerous for Sesshomaru to have both a wife and children to protect as opposed to just her. She would rather her children learn to defend themselves and face the world on their own and felt confident that any child of Sesshomaru's had such capabilities. And, as uneasy as a thought that it was, she knew that the love she had for any future children would not compare to the unconditional love she had for Sesshomaru. If it ever came down to it, she would rather her life be sacrificed as opposed to his own. The thought of him dying was too unbearable.

I wonder what Kagome and Inuyasha will do if they have kids, Rin thought as they came to the end of the garden. Inuyasha's red hakama stood out against the brightness of the snow. There's been a lot of demons that have attacked them just because of Kagome, but Inuyasha just wants to settle down. Will they end up in one of the communities that have more half-demons or stay in Kaede's village? I feel like it'd be safer to be with other half-demons. Like Kohaku said, sometimes it's better to have more of them...

"What, you're coming with?" Inuyasha asked in a startled tone upon them approaching him.

"Yeah," Rin answered cheerfully, grinning at him. "Why not?"

"Sesshomaru's actually letting you?"

"Lord Sesshomaru's not the type to order me around. I don't need his permission to do things."

Inuyasha snorted in disbelief. "Not you, maybe, but he's definitely the type to order someone around."

"Maybe you just haven't taken the time to understand him," Rin said with a shrug.

"Doubt it," he grunted and then turned, pushing open the thick wooden door of the entrance gate. "How're your feet doing? You good to walk?"

Accepting the change in topic, she nodded. "Kaede's salve helped a lot."

The three of them continued down through the narrow stone staircase that led from the front gate. As they walked, she noticed several torii gates that hung over the pathway. Rin initially thought that there had only been one, but as they continued down, she saw that it was an entire collection of them leading up to the estate entrance.

"That's an interesting choice," she commented. "I wonder who put the torii gates up?"

"Oh, I asked in the village about that," Kohaku said. "One of the older folks said that there used to be a shrine at the end of the walkway, but now there's just rubble. I think part of the spell over it must show only a broken-down shrine when humans go to it and they end up turning away or it repels them. We told them we were camping out in the forest so it didn't look too suspicious."

"I wonder if it was just me and you that came back if we would see the shrine or be able to get inside the estate."

"Not sure. I don't think even Jaken or Lord Sesshomaru really know how the spell works. It must be old magic to last this long."

"Makes you wonder," Inuyasha said almost to himself as they rounded a corner and they were able to see down into the small village. "What's the point of having a spell that can hide you if you're not going to use it?"

Kohaku frowned, appearing troubled by this remark. Rin glanced between the two, but said nothing. Even though she knew to whom he was referring, she did not think anything she said could cure an age-old wound that seemed to still be gaping open in his heart. It was not her place to pry into Inuyasha's personal life. She was sure, if Kagome had been here, he might not have felt so embittered.

"I'm going ahead," he said abruptly. "Keep her out of trouble."

Without another word, Inuyasha leapt forward, dashing down the stairs and disappearing from sight. Rin watched as the edge of his hakama fluttered around a grouping of rocks and then looked at Kohaku in question. His face had twisted into an expression of displeasure, also staring at the place where Inuyasha had disappeared.

"Lord Sesshomaru's not going to be happy about that," he muttered. "We're supposed to be staying together – him and me, I mean."

"What's going on with him?" Rin asked, frowning slightly. "I've always known he's been kind of pessimistic, but this is on another level."

Kohaku simply shook his head, nodding his head behind him meaningfully. Rin glanced over her shoulder, but did not turn. She had known Kohaku long enough to understand the silent indication. They were still on the steps heading down from the estate and, listening closely, she realized that someone had followed them. As she knew that Kohaku felt comfortable talking freely in front of either Sesshomaru or Jaken, it could not have been either of them, which left the only other member of their group.

Lapsing into silence, they continued down the steps and only once they had broken out into the fresh snow and level ground did she casually look behind her shoulder, pretending to adjust her quiver. She caught the briefest of glimpses of Kouga's brown, fur armor before he disappeared behind a copse of trees. The sound of quick, running footsteps followed. He had followed behind them, but appeared to have gone running off elsewhere. She cast an alarmed look to Kohaku, who was looking at the place where Kouga had disappeared with a somber expression.

"I had a feeling that was going to happen," Kohaku quietly told her, gesturing for her to continue towards the village. "That's what I was talking to Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken about today."

"I was worried about it, too," Rin admitted in a low voice. "I thought he'd run off when they went to the wolf demon clan, not this. Where do you think he's going?"

"He might be trying to get with Inuyasha alone. I want to think that Inuyasha won't listen to him, but I don't know. He hasn't been acting like himself ever since Kagome was taken away. At least, not the way I remember him."

"Oh, he's always been like this," Rin said dismissively. "Or maybe I just got to see the worst side of him because of how him and Lord Sesshomaru fight." She gave him an encouraging smile. "Don't worry about it for right now. If they run off, oh well. Eventually Lord Sesshomaru will end up in the same place as them. What happens from there is up to them."

"You sound pretty confident."

"Kouga wants to kill Bushuugi to get back at him for his clan and Inuyasha wants to find Bushuugi to get Kagome. Lord Sesshomaru's plan has always been to find Bushuugi – if they don't want to work with him, then there's nothing we can do about that." She gave a tiny shrug to accentuate her point. "He hasn't done anything to make them act this way towards him. They're being unfair."

"Don't you think you're a little biased to be saying that?" Kohaku asked teasingly. "Not that I disagree."

Rin laughed and bumped him with her shoulder. "Maybe a little. It'd just be nice if they could get along for Kagome's sake. It's not like Lord Sesshomaru wants to be here, either. You can tell that he hates it up there."

"He seems the usual to me, but you were always better at understanding him."

"Don't say that in front of Master Jaken! You'll break his heart!"

They burst into laughter, imagining Jaken's horrified expression if they had said such a thing in front of him. The gloomy atmosphere dissolved as the two of them walked through the village. The topic of Inuyasha and Kouga was left behind as, for now, they could enjoy each other's company without fear of another member hearing them. Being with Kohaku was natural and it was easy to feel comfortable with him in spite of the past weeks and everything else that had happened with them. Walking through the merchant stalls with him, it felt almost as if they were on a day's retreat like they would have in Kaede's village when they were young.

Turning away from one of the stalls, she caught Kohaku watching her from a few feet away and he quickly smiled at her. The brief moment was a small reminder of why he was there with her, though, and it made her heart tighten instinctively. It was because of his concern for her that he had come with them and while they had yet to encounter real danger, it made her uneasy to think that he could lose his life or become injured because he chose to accompany them. He had no vested interest in this trip outside of being with her. She was appreciative of his support and if not for his company, she might have been lonelier the past nights when she had been in the guest quarters with Inuyasha and Kouga. As she had to remind herself, Kohaku was not an incapable man. He could handle himself and had always done so aptly. It was no different than when she had been younger and Kohaku would fight against demons, let alone when he would leave the village for demon contracts. Even so, she worried for him. Demon slayer or not, she did not want to see him throwing himself into battle carelessly on her behalf.

She noticed a girl in one of the merchant stalls eyeing Kohaku appreciatively and stifled a giggle, pressing her fist to her mouth to cover the laughter. The girl was younger than them, looking to be about thirteen or fourteen. She was staring so openly, though, that Rin was amazed Kohaku did not notice. Making her way to the stalls, Rin clasped her hands behind her back and peered down at the contents. The girl glanced at her and then flushed crimson when Kohaku joined her.

"What're you looking at?" Kohaku asked curiously.

"Beads," she answered and smiled at the girl, who was now adjusting her kimono and straightening up in an attempt at professionalism. "These are pretty. What're these used for?"

"J-jewelry, mostly," the girl managed. Kohaku turned his attention to her at last and she gave him a shy smile. Kohaku blinked, surprised, and suddenly looked awkward.

"I'll just...be over here," he mumbled to Rin, backing away from the stall. There could be no mistaking the disappointment in the girl's expression when he moved away, causing her to slump slightly from her straight-backed posture.

Puzzled, Rin waved a hasty goodbye to the girl and then followed Kohaku's brisk pace down to another stall.

"That girl wanted to talk to you, I think," Rin told him as she caught up to him. "Didn't you find her cute?"

"I'm not here to flirt with girls," he mumbled. "And besides, it'd be weird, doing that around you."

"Why?" she asked blankly.

He simply cast her an exasperated expression before pausing and digging around in one of his pockets, procuring a pouch. He shook out some mon coins and handed them to her. "Here. Why don't you buy something while we're here? I'm just going over here to pick out some meat." He pointed to a nearby vendor.

"Well...okay."

She shifted the mon in her hands, uncertain as to how she felt about freely spending the money and when she raised her head to say as much to Kohaku, she found that he had already immersed himself in a conversation with the meat vendor. Smiling wryly to herself, she pocketed the mon, knowing that this had been Kohaku's manner of exiting the conversation. It had taken a few seconds for her brain to catch up, but she had eventually understood the meaning behind his words. She had not thought to consider that it would have been strange to Kohaku to express interest in another girl shortly after confessing his feelings to her, let alone being ready for such a thing. Naively, she had thought after their banter traveling they could simply return to being friends. That had been a mistake on her part. Only at the beginning of the trip had she worried about him taking comfort in her company and now she was actively trying to force him to take interest in other women.

She sighed, rubbing her forehead with the palm of her head as she approached another stall. She had enough trouble trying to settle into her own partnership without sorting out the convoluted nature of her friendship with Kohaku. She would have done anything to talk to Kagome just then, who had seemed to navigate the strangeness of Kouga's interest in her and Inuyasha's jealousy better than anyone. She could never imagine Sesshomaru being jealous of anyone and, by her standards, she could not think of why he should be. From her perspective, no one could compare to such a partner. She did not need to ask him to know that he felt similarly. He certainly had always made her feel special and secure in his life, although it had not always been that way. She doubted he even gave Kohaku's interest towards her a second thought.

Rin stopped at the stall, peering down at what looked to be a variety of looking glass. Her reflection stared back at her, the large brown eyes blinking.

"These are good prices," the merchant said encouragingly. "The cheapest here!"

"I bet they are," she said kindly, "but I don't need a looking glass."

"Every pretty girl needs one," he insisted.

"Not me!" Rin grinned at him as she turned away, heading back towards the stall with the girl. The girl looked up with a start, apparently not expecting her to return after their encounter. "Do you happen to sell materials to make a bracelet, too?"

"Oh...Yes, I have some of that." The girl bent down, rummaging through something behind the stall before pulling out a wooden box with an assortment of dainty ropes, silks, and a variety of other items. "It just depends on what you want to make."

Rin poked through the array of materials before selecting a thick, smaller piece of sandalwood, a sturdy bit of rope, and several pearl beads. The girl watched her pick out the items interestedly and when Rin set them down for her, she wrapped it in a small bundle after she used the majority of the mon for the items. Rin said her farewell, tucking the bundle away and returning to the meat vendor where Kohaku was waiting.

"He's going to hold onto the food for us," he explained when she cast him a questioning look. "I need to check one more place before we head back. It's kind of out of the way, though, and I didn't want to drag meat with me."

"Where are we going?" she asked as they walked away from the market area of the village and past several of the homes. They were getting closer to where the villagers homes and rocks met the village boundaries and it did not appear Kohaku had any intention of stopping.

"There's a place where demon slayers leave notes for each other in the trees," he explained. "It's hidden. I left a message in there the first time Inuyasha and I came here. I'm hoping someone came by and saw it. It was empty when I went there."

"Do they usually write back on the same message?" she asked curiously as they entered the forest.

"Sometimes. To be honest, I've never used it before. I saw Sango and my parents use it all the time when I was a kid – I don't even know if the demon slayers around here use it still or if it's an outdated practice."

Rin made to open her mouth to ask another question and then froze, putting a hand on his arm to make him stop, as well. Without a word, he dragged her to the ground beneath some bushes and put a finger to his lips to signal for her to be quiet. She nodded and slowly, the two of them peeked above the bushes. Thankfully, there was enough noise in the forest to have muffled the sound of them hiding, as Rin had spotted the movement of the demons first. They caught sight of a bloodied torso hanging limply by its hair from one of their hands, recognized as female only from the curve of bare breasts. The other half of the woman's body had appeared to have already been feasted on some time ago, as there was very little blood coming from the other end. The sight of violence did not disturb Rin, but she cut her eyes to Kohaku meaningfully. She was not sure that the village's human scent would obscure their own. They had already gone far enough into the forest by this point that it could be easy to discern them depending on the demon's nose.

Kohaku pointed to her bow, jerking his head back towards the demons. His meaning was clear.

She nodded and slowly pulled out an arrow, knocking it against the bow. She peeked over the bushes again. There were only two demons and did not seem to be very big. They also did not look to be wolf demons, but upon looking closer, she realized they must have been crow demons. The two were grumbling to each other, trudging through the threes in no great hurry.

Rin pulled out another arrow, her brow puckering worriedly. She had never tried to take down a bird demon before – could they fly and get away?

She kept the extra arrow hanging from one hand and pulled the knocked arrow back, aiming for the head of the demon carrying the woman's torso. As soon as she released it, she quickly settled the other arrow and aimed it at the second demon just as her first hit its target. As soon as the second one became aware, she had released the other arrow. This one, unfortunately, hit the partner's eye instead since he had moved.

He released a howl of pain that was cut short when Kohaku's kusarigama sliced cleanly through his neck.

"Nice job," Kohaku said, standing up and flicking the blood from the kusarigama. "Next time, since there's only two of them, wait until you're sure you can get a death blow."

"I was thinking that it would be better to try and be fast so that he didn't fly away," she said ruefully, following him as he made his way towards the corpses.

"Ah, I see. It's better to let him get away than call out for reinforcements." He gave her a quick smile. "But see? This is good practice so you know for next time."

Rin nodded, watching as he bent down and rummaged through the pockets of the demons and then checked the human corpse that they had been carrying. Around them, the forest was quiet. The brief moment of violence had not appeared to draw any attention. No villagers came running and it did not appear there were any nearby demons.

"It's better that we leave them here," Kohaku said, straightening, hands empty. It appeared the demons had not been carrying anything of interest. "Someone else will find them eventually."

"Shouldn't we at least take the woman to the village?" Rin asked him as they moved away from the corpses.

"No. We don't want to bring too much attention to ourselves. We're strangers here – how would it look if we came walking up with half a woman?"

"Ah, you're right."

"Besides," Kohaku added in a quiet voice, "they've seen me with Inuyasha and if there's any other half-demons in the village, they'll be able to pick up on your scent. It wouldn't look good."

"My scent?" she repeated, frowning slightly. "What do you mean?"

"You probably reek of demon," he said patiently. "Jaken and A-Un don't have strong scents since they're lesser demons, but you spend enough time with Lord Sesshomaru for it to have rubbed off on you. Any half-demon is going to be able to smell that on you. They won't be able to tell who it is unless they've met him before, at least. Since this is the only place we can get supplies, we don't want to give them a reason to mistrust us or make problems for Lord Sesshomaru."

"I see...Would it really affect my scent that much?"

Kohaku paused in his steps to look at her in surprise. "Well, yeah. It's not like you're just standing next to him. Demon lords have really strong scent glands, kind of like animals. It's one of the ways that they're able to distinguish each other's mates."

"Oh, stop it! Just what do you think I'm doing up there?"

He laughed. "I don't think you're 'doing' anything. It's the same with Jaken, you know. Anyone who recognized Lord Sesshomaru's scent would be able to tell that Jaken serves him closely." He eyed her for a moment and then chuckled to himself, looking away. "You're funny, Rin."

"Yeah?"

Kohaku kicked a stray rock. "Yeah. You don't need to defend yourself to me." He raised his eyes to her, giving a faint smile. "It's not quite like the last time that we travelled with Lord Sesshomaru, is it? I know it was almost ten years ago, but I thought it'd be different than this – even if the circumstances aren't great."

"You're thinking too much," Rin observed, beginning to walk in the direction that he had been before the conversation. He followed her a moment later, taking the lead again. She did not want to linger near the corpses in case someone arrived.

"There's more time to be in my head."

"You could've come to me if you needed to talk."

Kohaku sighed slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess. It's hard to do that when there are so many ears around."

"Well now's your opportunity, then!"

"It's nothing serious."

From her vantage point, she could tell that Kohaku was not being entirely honest. The two of them walked in silence for a while, Rin patiently waiting for him to continue his thought. It was clear that Kohaku was collecting the thoughts that had been brewing in his mind.

"It's complicated," he said at last, once again pausing in his footsteps and looking behind him to ensure no one was around. "I'm happy if you're happy and I feel like Lord Sesshomaru is deserving of you. I didn't expect to feel strangely when I asked to travel with him, but seeing you with him is...weird for me. There were always differences in him, just enough for me to know how he feels about you. It's not the same as now, though. He really treats you like his wife. Seeing that makes me feel like a failure somehow, but then it also makes me happy because I know that's what you want." He lifted his hands and dropped then in a gesture of defeat. "I don't know. It's confusing. I don't get it. I thought it'd be enough to just be your friend, but then I get these weird thoughts in my head. Sorry – I know that you don't want to hear it."

"No," Rin hastily said, "don't say sorry. I'm glad you told me."

"I'm stupid," he laughingly told her. "I thought that, because it was Lord Sesshomaru, I'd be okay with seeing you with someone. In my head, I am – it's everything else."

"Kohaku." She reached out, squeezing his arm in a conciliatory gesture. "Don't beat yourself up about that. I get it – I really do." She released his arm, folding hers over her chest. "You shouldn't apologize for having normal feelings."

"It doesn't feel normal is the thing. I feel...bad for feeling like this, like I'm betraying Lord Sesshomaru."

"He wouldn't see it that way."

"I know." He released a sudden bitter laugh. "He's more understanding than anyone else, except for maybe Miroku. But I don't want to let him down. I want him to look at me like...like I'm reliable and he can trust me. I don't want him wondering if I would turn my back on him for you."

Rin smiled gently. "He wouldn't have let you come with if he didn't trust you. And he definitely wouldn't have let me go out into the village with you."

"And later?"

"What about later? What are you afraid that you're going to do, Kohaku – try and kill Lord Sesshomaru?"

"I don't know!" He threw his hands up, frustrated. "It's happened before, hasn't it? I've tried to kill you and my sister before."

Alarmed, Rin took hold of his hands and clasped them both in hers, holding them tightly so he could not jerk away. "That's not you anymore. You were possessed by a demon then!"

"But it feels the same," he insisted. "I remember bits and pieces from then, where I would be telling my body one thing and then I would be doing another. Or I would black out and feel confused and muddled. I hate feeling like that."

"I know that's not you," she said firmly, "and I trust you. So does Lord Sesshomaru."

"It doesn't matter if it's me or not. If I get possessed again – "

"Then stay with me at the estate," she interrupted, releasing his hands and straightening up. "I already told Lord Sesshomaru I wanted to stay behind when they go to the wolf demon clan. If you stay with me, I won't be alone and you won't be at risk of being possessed by Bushuugi or someone else. But to be honest, I don't know why you're suddenly so scared of that. You've been around demons before when I've been around."

"Not demon lords," he said with a frown. "We've encountered him before. He'll know that I'm close to you, even if it's just as a friend. I don't want to give him a reason to use me like Naraku did."

"So, stay with me, then," she reiterated. "It's better that we're out of the way, anyway. I have a feeling that Inuyasha and Kouga are going to make a mess when they go to the wolf demon clan."

"I'm not worried about the wolf demons, I'm worried about Bushuugi."

"If Lord Sesshomaru kills him fast enough, you won't need to."

Kohaku blinked once before laughing, shaking his head. "You've got a point. It's kind of morbid hearing you say that." He aggressively rubbed his face, groaning, and then dropped his hand. "Alright, I'll do that. Thanks. As for everything else...maybe it'll sort itself out. Enough about this – we really need to get moving."

Kohaku broke into a slight jog, forcing Rin to quickly follow him. Watching his back, she felt the chill of unease run down her spine. Even though she had done her best at bolstering his spirits, his behavior from earlier now made more sense to her. Given his nonchalant attitude since their conversation in the village, she never would have thought that traveling with her and Sesshomaru had made him feel any degree of envy, let alone trigger unwholesome memories from his past with Naraku. It was upsetting to see him lingering in that dark period of his life. If she had been wiser, she might have thought of that when he had first agreed to travel with them. Not that it would have mattered – the final decision had been Sesshomaru's and it was not as though she had time to give any input regarding it.

For now, she could only listen and give feedback to Kohaku when he felt comfortable discussing it with her. She thought it was a better conversation to have with Sesshomaru, who would be able to put such worries at ease. Even though Kohaku was a rational thinker, he still had the developing pride of a man and the ego of a warrior. She knew from Mei and the others that because of Sesshomaru's appearance, they did not see him as an older peer any longer, but someone of the same age as them; due to that, she was sure that Kohaku was experiencing the conflict of holding respect for a more skilled man while seeing him also as someone of the same age. It would be difficult to keep ego out of the equation when having such a discussion.

Something in her knew, however, that Kohaku would not receive the reassurance he needed from her. Until he could have that conversation with Sesshomaru, that hidden fear would always be there – that his feelings for her could be used against them. She had seen Kohaku face off against Sesshomaru once before and it had been a frightening image. Kohaku had only been a few years older than her at that time. Compared to the towering figure of Sesshomaru, he had looked downright diminutive. Sesshomaru had stayed his hand then, knowing that Naraku had possessed him with the intention of getting the boy killed – he had said as much to Rin. If the same thing happened, she was unsure whether Sesshomaru would be as forgiving. He would have viewed it as a defect in Kohaku's mental abilities as a warrior to allow himself to be taken advantage of a second time.

And, while she wanted to believe that Kohaku's heart was better than that, she had seen enough spells and demon magic to know there were ways that one's feelings could be twisted and corrupted without needing possession. The thought of Kohaku attempting to kill Sesshomaru at any point was chilling.

The two of them ran for some time before Kohaku at last stopped, approaching an old, wizened tree. A little breathless, Rin pressed her palms against her hips as she caught her breath. Kohaku reached up and pulled some moss aside, reaching into a dark alcove that had been carved into the tree. When he withdrew his hand, it was empty and the moss fell back over the hole.

"It's gone," he said as he turned to her. "Someone took it. They didn't leave a response."

"Do you think they might?"

"I hope so...but it's strange to take the message with them. That's not usually how it's done."

Rin heard the sound of movement somewhere nearby shortly after Kohaku did. The tree was growing just beneath a stone cliffside, which gave them a perfectly hiding opportunity. Without speaking to each other, they both quickly wedged themselves between the tree and the cliff. It was a tight fit, forcing Rin to smash her body into Kohaku's as they listened. It was a strange experience, to feel another man's body when she had become so accustomed to Sesshomaru's presence. It should not have felt odd, as she and Kohaku had been close throughout their whole life and rolled around in dirt and grass together. The prior conversation from earlier, however, made her more conscious of where his thoughts still lingered in regards to her and gave her the embarrassing reminder of their one intimate moment by the lake. She could feel his breath against her neck, the warmth of his torso on her back. It was a disorienting feeling, especially in the midst of possible danger.

In the rush, they had both gotten out their weapons in preparation and Rin held her bow to her chest. Kohaku braced a forearm against the tree as he leaned over her, peering around the side of the tree. She kept her eyes trained on a collection of bushes nearby, hearing her own heartbeat slow and steady in her ears.

"Demons," he murmured, withdrawing back and grasping the chain of the kusarigama a bit more tightly. "A lot of them. I think we were tracked."

Rin made to open her mouth, but one of the demon's voices caught her attention.

"...somewhere around here," it growled and there was the sound of loud snuffling. "Definitely a half-demon."

"Idiot," another voice snapped. "That's not a half-demon smell."

"Still...definitely human-like...could be tasty."

"Ignore him," yet another voice chimed. "His nose is unreliable – he hasn't eaten in days."

"What do we do?" Rin whispered to Kohaku. "We're surrounded."

"We're going to have to take them down. There was six of them that I could see." He reached down and put a hand on her shoulder encouragingly. "It's okay. We've got this."

She nodded uneasily and then carefully toed her way to the edge of the tree, pulling out an arrow. Peeking around the tree, she saw the six demons that Kohaku had spotted. The largest one appeared to have been the one that first spoke. He was sniffing the air, clearly trying to get a better scent from their surroundings. The others were prowling through the trees, rummaging through the bushes to find their prey. Taking in a steadying breath, she knocked her arrow and aimed it at the largest one. Once the tip of her arrow had steadied and he lowered his head, she let the arrow fly before ducking back behind the tree.

There was a sickening thud and then the alarmed cries of two of the other demons.

"Where did that come from?"

"It's here! Here!"

After the rush of footsteps, Kohaku nodded to her and she carefully looked out behind the tree again. There were two demons inspecting the large, dead one with their backs facing her while the other three were making their way towards the tree on the other side. She aimed at one of the demons facing away from them and let loose another arrow. It's partner squawked in fright, scrambling away, catching the attention of the other three.

"Where'd it come from?" one demanded.

"O-over there! Must be!"

"Alright, Rin," Kohaku whispered to her. "Let's go."

Kohaku bounced out from behind the tree and she heard one of the demons' screams end in a gurgle. Pulling out another arrow, she hurried out behind him and caught sight of the first frightened demon and released the arrow before he could run away. There were only two demons left out of the group, but Rin had only spotted the one with which Kohaku was currently grappling. She whirled around, but she had recognized her mistake too late. Before she could brace herself, she was knocked painfully to the ground and felt the sharp talons of the demon dig into her neck as his hand went around her throat.

His grip loosened slightly as he stared at her, perplexed. "You're not a demon," he said suspiciously.

"Good job," a cocky voice said from up in the tree. "Nice nose you got there."

The demon whipped around, but was thrown violently off Rin as a powerful leg kicked him across the clearing. She caught sight of Inuyasha's red hakama near where the demon landed and saw the flash of Tessaiga's blade. Coughing, she slowly sat up, blinking away the spots that had arrived in her vision.

"You good, kid?" Kouga asked her, crouching next to her, a frown on his lips. His gaze drifted down to her neck and his lips twisted. "Ah, shit. Sesshomaru's going to be pissed about that."

"It's not that bad," Rin managed in a hoarse voice and reaching up, she was alarmed to feel the deep gouge wounds from the talons. When she withdrew her hand, it was covered in blood.

"Yeah, okay," he sarcastically said upon seeing her shocked expression. He smiled to take the edge from his voice, pulling out a strip of cloth and carefully wrapping her neck. "You kind of reminded me of Kagome there – you and Kohaku don't make too bad of a team, eh?"

"No," she agreed with a little smile as he tied the cloth neatly and stepped back to inspect his handiwork. "Thanks for this."

"No problem." He reached down and took her hand, pulling her to her feet and handing her bow to her as Inuyasha and Kohaku rushed to them. Kohaku appeared mostly unharmed, save for a few shallow cuts on his arm. "She's bleeding a little."

"Why the hell were you two in the forest, anyway?" Inuyasha demanded, glowering at Kohaku. "Look at her! You could have gotten her killed!"

"You were supposed to stay with us so this wouldn't happen," Kohaku reminded him in a politely constrained voice.

Inuyasha might have argued this in other circumstances, but he seemed aware of his own failure in the situation. Instead, he gestured impatiently to the pair, saying, "C'mon. Let's get out of here before your guys' blood attracts more demons."

Obligingly, both Rin and Kohaku broke into a run after Inuyasha, with Kouga in the rear. It was unclear how they had found them or why they, too, had been in the forest. Inuyasha's avoidance of Kohaku's remark was enough of an indication that he did not want them questioning him. For now, each of the pair would keep the days events to themselves.

Rin was able to hide her bloodied neck to avoid alarming anyone when they returned to the village to pick up the supplies they had bought earlier. She patted herself down to ascertain that she still had her package from earlier and once they had everything they needed, the four of them returned to the narrow pathway that led back to the estate. They spoke very little, each of them seemingly preoccupied. Kouga appeared to be the only one unconcerned about what had happened in the forest and almost downright chipper. His good mood made Rin uneasy. She was thankful for him interceding when he had, but she also could not imagine what could have made Kouga so happy in the spare hours of the morning.

By the time they arrived at the front of the estate, it was mid-afternoon and the clear skies gave way to a foggy, misty day. Kouga left their group with the pack of food, announcing that he would begin preparing lunch. It was as though he had smelled Sesshomaru's approach, for the demon lord materialized out of the mist with Jaken in tow shortly after his departure.

"Oh, great," Inuyasha muttered to himself upon seeing his brother.

Rin instinctively reached up to her neck, wincing slightly. The cloth that Kouga had wrapped around her wounds was damp from blood and looking down, she saw the stain of it on her fingers. She knew that both Kouga and Inuyasha assumed that Sesshomaru would blame them for her injury. Indeed, if it had been any other situation, she might have feared the same. Reflecting back on what had happened, though, she knew it had been her own fault. She had allowed the demon to flank her, the most basic mistake that he and Jaken had cautioned her against when she was at the village learning self-defense. She had allowed her enemy to distract her in order to get behind her. It was a novice's mistake and if not for Kouga, it could have had a different ending. Kohaku had been too far away to help her.

Sesshomaru had ignored Inuyasha's grumbles, his eyes traversing across the group to land on Rin and her bloodied fingers. His expression had not changed, nor did he appear upset by the appearance as originally expected.

"You look like you got in a fight," Jaken said to Kohaku, frowning at the cuts on his arm. "What happened?"

"There were some crow demons that Rin and I encountered," Kohaku explained as Jaken inspected him.

Sesshomaru glanced at him briefly before returning his gaze to Rin. "Come here, Rin," he said.

She glanced at Inuyasha before approaching Sesshomaru. Inuyasha was not even bothering to hide how prepared he was to dive into battle with his brother. Sesshomaru, for his part, appeared uninterested in him altogether. He may as well have been absent. She reached back, untying the cloth when she halted in front of Sesshomaru. The cloth was stained red now with her blood and when Sesshomaru tilted her head back to inspect the damage, she could tell that the wounds had not completely stopped bleeding. When he withdrew his hand, the back of his fingers brushed against her cheek in a fleeting, affectionate gesture she recognized.

"What did you learn from this?" he asked her in an even tone.

Rin smiled sheepishly. "Not to leave my back unprotected."

"It will displease me if you die from something so foolish – make sure it doesn't happen again."

"I won't. I promise!"

He nodded, seemingly satisfied by this exchange. Even though his warning had an edge of disapproval to it, there was no underlying anger or irritation.

"Take care of it, Jaken," Sesshomaru said to the imp before turning away and returning the way he had come.

She bit down on her lip to prevent herself from breaking out in a grin. Jaken looked positively affronted, though it was directed entirely at Inuyasha. The half-demon, in turn, was shifting guiltily from foot to foot. She wanted to laugh at them, but knew it was not the right time. They could not have known that, when Sesshomaru had sent her away that morning, he had been literal when he had told her there was 'value in experience.' She could study them and practice sparring sessions for her entire life, but without fumbling her own way through combat, she would never know what to expect from an enemy. It gave her a little more confidence to know that, up until that point in the encounter, she had at least been able to partially defend herself. That was all the confirmation that she had wanted. She was not as defenseless as she had once been when walking alongside Sesshomaru, although she understood that she would never be a true warrior and Sesshomaru would never expect that of her. He had not liked to see her injuries, even if he had accepted her agency in the results. If she could fight for herself for even a short time, that was enough for her. She wanted that small confidence in self-defense in order to walk proudly beside him on the battlefield and to know that she would not be overly burdensome.

Catching Inuyasha's darkening expression, she hastily called out, "Lord Sesshomaru?" He paused, glancing over his shoulder at her. She smiled brightly at him. "Thank you."

His eyes slid from her to Inuyasha, as if knowing that the display was for his brother, to reassure him. He snorted softly and turned away again, disappearing into the mist.

In the brief seconds after she had called out to him, Inuyasha seemed to regain control of himself and shoved his hands in his opposing sleeves, trudging away from them after Kouga. It was clear he did not feel comfortable being around them just then.

"Don't go out of your way for him," Jaken said to Rin with a frown as he and Kohaku joined her.

"I'd rather he not pick fights with Lord Sesshomaru right now," she said by means of explanation, "especially over a misunderstanding."

"You mean, you don't want him fighting on your behalf," Kohaku corrected with a smile.

"I'd rather they not fight at all, but that's not realistic. Lord Sesshomaru finds it fun to annoy him, I think."

"What a way to speak about your future husband!" Jaken said, scowling up at her as the three began walking towards the guest building for fresh bandages.

"I would say it to him, too!"

"That's part of your problem. You don't know when to keep your mouth shut about certain things."

"Lord Sesshomaru doesn't seem to mind," Kohaku observed dryly.

Rin listened with half an ear as Jaken made some protest to him. They were walking past the main building and while she could not see Sesshomaru, her eyes traveled the expanse of the front engawa. In spite of her amusement at the exchange, she wished that she could have gone with him. She was missing their quiet moments in the village, the peacefulness of sitting next to him amongst the trees. The memories made her wistful and miss him.

But now was not the time for any degree of tranquility. Kohaku would soon report to Sesshomaru and she was sure that he would tell him about Inuyasha and Kouga's secret rendezvous away from them. How he would respond and whether that would change his plans about waiting for the wolf demons was unknown to her. She wanted to have faith in Kouga and Inuyasha, but their behavior since arriving had unnerved her. If Kagome or even Sango or Miroku had been there, she might have had better confidence in them. The issue was that they owed no loyalty to Sesshomaru or her, and while she could sense no malice from Kouga towards her, she still was not sure how to feel about him. She had gotten over her fear of the wolf demons, true, but she still possessed a healthy amount of distrust in regards to his clan. He was as unpredictable and changeable as the wind. As for Inuyasha, she did not know how much Kouga would influence him.

And yet, there was another problem that had risen into her mind after today. Kohaku's fear of being used by Bushuugi was a real one, something that she had not stopped to consider. She never would have doubted Kohaku's loyalty if he had not mentioned it himself. Eventually, they would be stepping onto the battlefield with Sesshomaru and the others. Even if Bushuugi or another demon lord did not attempt to manipulate Kohaku in some way, she wondered whether he would lose his nerve. She had seen men die in battle because their fear had taken over their good sense. It was not her place to tell Sesshomaru about this, but she worried if she did not, Kohaku might place himself in danger.

Approaching Sesshomaru right now was out of the question. She did not feel comfortable quite yet to enter into their father's quarters to find him, especially when Sesshomaru and Inuyasha were still ignoring each other and so soon after she had developed injuries.

She, like everyone else, would wait for their next move. For now, she had time and could only hope that it remained that way.