In a World Where You are Possible

by Keys 2 the Falcon

An AU that sends Han and Leia (and Chewie) into hiding and on a different path while fighting the Empire, unknown foes and bounty hunters. There will be trauma and stress along the way but also love and happiness. Sometimes the right choices take a bit of time to take hold.

7. Chapter 7

A/N: This chapter contains a lot of swears and some sex. Rating M applies.

Leia had everything under control.

She attended meetings and more meetings, worked shifts in the Command Center. She researched and wrote reports. Conducted debriefs and wrote more reports. She was in the midst of renegotiating contracts with suppliers and opening up talks with potential donors. Oversaw a complete inventory of base medical supplies and planned the first aid training. Met with new recruits and started their orientation.

And she was having what could best be described as an affair with Han Solo.

It was a ridiculous thing when she thought about it, that she was the sort of person who snuck around for sex, so she tried to think about it as little as possible. Told herself it was the one time when thinking wasn't required.

"Your Highness."

Leia looked up from her terminal. Carlist Rieekan stood beside her chair with arms crossed over his chest. He looked stern but she knew him too well. There was a slight arc to an eyebrow and a knowing nod.

"General Rieekan."

"Did you have any luck contacting the agent on Vernoyll?"

Leia leaned back and rested her elbows on the chair arms.

"The message was relayed out but we're still waiting for a reply. I imagine it will be at least another day before we hear anything."

There were no direct lines to many of their agents. Encrypted messages passed from one drop point to the next, each destination coded. Even if a message was discovered and the code broken, the path was, in theory, untraceable.

"We should be prepared to organize an extraction straight away."

She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. Did he really think she hadn't thought about that already?

"General, the plan is in place. Should we need it, we are good to go."

He nodded once and almost smiled. He, of course, had little doubt she would be well prepared.

Leia had known Carlist most of her life. He was one of her father's closest associates on Alderaan. She didn't see his family often but his two sons, who were a few years older than her, were nice to the sometimes annoying princess following them around. His wife Besii was quiet and likely nervous being in such close contact with the royal family but always friendly and kind. There was no replacing what either of them had lost but Leia thought they offered each other a steady understanding. They didn't talk about it often but there was comfort in knowing the other was there.

Rieekan did a quick survey of their surroundings, determined no one was close enough to hear.

"Do we need to touch base concerning the memorial?"

Leia straightened in her seat. Placed both feet firmly on the floor. She felt a flash of guilt that she hadn't considered the memorial since meeting about it while on the Lumen. But that meeting was followed by the disastrous mission with Fron and then everything that happened with Han and she pushed it to the back of her mind.

She had a few more things to occupy her these days. Activities she could keep contained if needed, had full control over, but they did take up more time than expected.

"I believe Mon prefers to call it a commemoration rather than memorial." She gave him a faint smile. "Which feels like a marketing ploy more than anything else."

Leia took a deep breath then exhaled. She needed to keep her frustrations and anger in check. There was certainly no reason to let it out around Carlist. He was asking a simple question as a General, member of High Command, and Alderaanian, not to mention someone who genuinely cared about her.

"There is nothing new to report. I suspect, should the plans come together, we'll need to move quickly to make it happen. It is my understanding that negotiations have been slow."

She was distracted by the Command Center door opening and Wedge walking in. He was still in his orange flight suit. The Rogues must have just returned from maneuvers.

Leia watched as he walked to the opposite side of the room and leaned against Cyn's console. She removed her headset to talk to him. They both looked relaxed, happy to see each other. They didn't touch and Wedge was there for less than minute but Leia could feel the buzz from ten metres away. Cyn glanced over her shoulder as he left, still smiling as she put her headset back on, and Leia couldn't turn away.

How often did others watch all those times Han showed up in the Command Center? Were they so obviously on display as he leaned in to talk to her? A few weeks ago, she doubted anyone would have thought they looked happy and relaxed. Well, Han was likely wearing a smartass grin but she would have been scowling. How obvious was it that things had changed?

Leia wondered how much she missed because she had to exist five steps ahead of everyone else. It was hard to enjoy the here and now when she needed to solve every problem and every future concern. It was entirely possible, while she planned and fought and forged and kept her nose in reports, these moments had been all around her. Beings finding each other, feeling something more than the stress and insecurity of being at war and on the run.

"Leia."

This time Rieekan actually did laugh, a small, slight chuckle, as she blinked a few times and turned to him again.

"May I remind you that your shift ended two hours ago? You might benefit from a change of venue. Perhaps some lunch. I heard the mess is serving stew rations today."

She returned his smile. "I may have just lost what little appetite I had."

"If you haven't tried it already, I recommend the hot sauce Captain Solo brought back. If you put enough on, you can't taste the food at all."

Leia stood up and started collecting her things.

"You make it sound as though he donated it. He sold it to us for what I imagine was a considerable mark-up."

"Considering we've paid him in fuel and a few replacement parts for quite some time, I can't begrudge the man looking for a few more credits."

"You should be careful, General." She pushed her chair against the console and stepped back. "If you give Captain Solo an inch, he will take a mile."

"I hope it will all even out in the end, Your Highness."

Leia gave him a small shake of her head before walking away.

She headed toward the mess. She could grab a quick lunch, maybe eat it in her quarters, and finish prepping for her holo-call with High Command. She was ready, already those many steps ahead, but it never hurt to go over it a few more times.

They had been on Osler for over a year and Leia had walked these passageways hundreds of times. She ran a hand along the wall as she passed, enjoying the feel of the cool rock. Even when new, the base had never looked sleek but it was now overcrowded, overused, and looking very rundown. She knew it was safe, engineers regularly tested the cave walls and reinforced supports, but it was one more thing to weigh on her.

They had no sun or moon to mark the passage of day and night. Most worked and slept in shifts, ate at odd hours, found entertainment whenever and wherever they could. They all devised their own survival techniques and hoped for an injection of something new, sometime soon. Most of them looked to her as a beacon and she worked hard to maintain the light, even when she felt it fading.

It required rejuvenation. Usually that was a new mission, a new plan. New connections. Or, as she had discovered recently, a new spark to a familiar place.

When they landed in his quarters that first night, they paused long enough for a health and contraception check and were naked in his bunk in minutes. She let her instincts take over and, for one of the few times in her life, didn't overanalyze every detail. At least, not in the moment.

They knew each other's signals. Trusted one another as they each took then ceded control. She responded to his touch, his tongue, with loud moans. There were gasps and groans from both of them. When he was inside her, finally, she may have actually growled. Her body felt charged, over-heated, a mess of nerves and sensations. She climaxed before him then enjoyed the added pulse of an after-shock as he groaned what may have been her name followed by a string of curse words.

He rolled onto his back on the bunk beside her.

"Damn, Princess. We're gonna need more of that."

For the next few moments, they laid side-by-side trying to catch their breath and occasionally chuckling. She stared at the bulkhead above the bunk, noticing that even it had dents and scratches. How exactly did that happen? Was that the kind of question she could ask him? Was it a smuggling story he might tell over dinner to make her laugh? Or one of those questions that brought a furrow to his brow and a clenched jaw.

The first time she set foot in his cabin was on the flight to Yavin. She was in shock, pumped full of adrenaline from their escape from Death Star. She knew what to do once they landed. Move forward, fight, lead. But she was at a loss during those hours in hyperspace. She didn't want to console Luke over Ben's death. She didn't want to answer questions about the rebellion or the plans they stole or Alderaan. She snuck into Han's cabin because it gave her something to focus on. She told herself she should know more about this strange man heading to their secret Rebel base.

She learned nothing other than he clearly used the space as storage as much as sleeping. Crates were piled along one wall. Manuals and spare parts were scattered about the room. His bunk was made in the sense that his tattered sheets were pulled up. A few items of clothing hung from hooks. A few more were in a pile on the floor. An old book sat on the shelf above the bunk but she didn't feel comfortable moving close enough to read the spine.

Han stretched and let a long sigh.

Leia suddenly felt unprepared and ill-equipped for the situation. She should leave but wasn't sure how to extricate herself. This was her first impromptu one-night stand and was unsure of the etiquette. Did one simply get up and leave? Say, thank you then get dressed?

He rolled onto his side and propped his head on a bent arm.

"Didn't know you spoke so many languages." He rested his other hand on her hip. "Or do you just know how to say fuck in all of them?"

She scowled at him. "What are talking about? You were the one with the non-stop foul language."

She imitated him, drawing out the word into a slow, low growl.

He grinned, his eyes may have even sparkled, and she felt a strange sensation in the pit of stomach. Leia barely recognized it but thought it might be a flash of happiness.

"I don't know, Sweetheart. I bet we could ask Chewie for verification."

Did Chewie know she was still there? How loud was she?

"I think we should let this matter drop for now."

He chuckled. "Whatever you say."

He ran his fingers up from her hip, along her torso. He used the back of his hand to brush against one nipple than the other. He smiled at her sharp intake of breath.

"Whatever I say?" She raised one arm over her head, giving him better access as he leaned in. "Do you mean all this time, there was a way to keep you quiet?"

His tongue circled her nipple then he smiled at her.

"I think we've established we aren't going for quiet."

He lifted himself over her, supporting himself above her.

"Oh, you meant more as in right now."

"No time like the present."

He winked at her before moving his head between her legs.

As it turned out, leaving was easy. No excuses were needed. He didn't try to get her to stay or rush her out the door. They both put their clothes back on, talked about their scheduled departure the next day, and he walked her to the ramp.

"You okay getting back to your quarters?"

"I think I can find my way."

He smiled a rather sweet, unexpectedly sweet, smile. "See you around, Princess."

"So long, Captain."

Leia slept soundly that night and woke up rested. Surprisingly, she felt no regrets but that didn't mean it should happen again.

She listed all the potential complications. Their lives were unpredictable. He was unpredictable. They already fought an inordinate amount and sleeping together would only make it worse. Her prime objective, sometimes the only reason she got out of bed in the morning, was to bring down the Galactic Empire and rebuild the Republic. Taking on a lover, a term she did not feel comfortable using, would not serve that goal. Her wants and needs should not be a factor. Anything that might cause her to lose focus should be avoided.

By the time she was getting kaffe for her first meeting, it was decided. Her time with Han was a one and done.

Then he showed up for her mid-morning meeting. He was supposed to be there so it shouldn't have been a surprise but her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. They gave each other the briefest of nods as he sat down and the meeting continued without a hitch. She didn't feel nervous or exposed. Rather, she found it exciting that they shared this secret. Yet another twist she didn't expect.

Leia's plan changed, which meant they needed to establish a few rules. It could work if she kept everything under control.

She found him in the ring corridor on a small ladder, reaching into the upper hatch.

"We're here for another day or so." She put her hands on her hips as she watched him step down. "Until Tycho is stable enough to travel."

"That mean you got some downtime?"

He stood close in front of her, head bent to look down on her. She looked up, enjoying the proximity but maintaining an air of nonchalance. She wasn't sure why but the princess routine felt like her safest option.

"I never have downtime."

One corner of his mouth turned up in a half-smile and he moved in to kiss her.

"Hold on." She put a hand on his chest. "We need to set some ground rules."

He rolled his eyes and went back to wiping his hands on a rag. "Of course."

"This is casual. Discreet. Occasional." She waited for him to respond but he stuck with his cleaning his hands routine. "No one else knows. Chewie is unavoidable but it stops there. No overnights. No public displays. As far as the outside world is concerned, nothing has changed in our relationship."

Han shrugged then tossed his rag to the side. With both hands on her cheeks, he kissed her. A long, deep kiss. She arched into him and felt a warmth start in her stomach and quickly spread over her entire body.

He pulled back and smiled.

"Sure. Whatever."

With his hands on her hips, he steered her into his cabin and onto his bunk.

Sticking to her plan was easy enough for those first few days. While still on the Lumen meetings took up most her waking hours and their flight back to Osler meant everyone on board and no privacy. She had no choice but to keep her focus where it should be. On work. On everything but her own escapades.

She could watch him, though. Sneak in the occasional glance. Enjoy the quick rush when he was looking back. Leia had never been one for daydreams. She made plans and she executed them. Always moved forward with a goal in mind. As a young girl she enjoyed a world of make-believe but as soon as she was old enough to help her father in his office, fulfill royal duties on her own, fantasizing about what-ifs felt like a waste of precious time. But she knew it was something she would have to keep in check now.

Because as soon as she let herself think about Han Solo, being in his bunk with him, it very hard not to.

Almost every table in the mess was full. Beings crowded around to eat or play cards. Talk and taunt each other, blowing off what seemed like a considerable amount of steam. Voices, laughter, the clang of metal dishes echoed off the walls and ceiling. Two groups of new recruits arrived that week and until they were organized and shipped off to other bases, they were faced with doubling up and fighting for space. See-Threepio stood in the food line, acting as translator, as Tiggis served a line of Rebels that winded out the door.

Leia found Luke and a few Rogues, including Wedge, near the back of the room. She had to walk an obstacle course of beings, chairs and equipment to reach them. Her presence was barely noted and Leia wondered if they were too new to know who she was or if there was too much happening to care.

"This place is a fire trap." Leia put a hand on Luke's shoulder to indicate her arrival. He smiled a big, wide Luke grin at the sight of her. "Why are there crates of engine parts in here?"

"Storage full." Luke moved over to make room for her on the bench but she shook her head. "Falcon is loading up now to take stuff to Sullust. All this stuff will be moved to storage once it's clear."

These are all things that Leia should know but she'd been distracted. She'd taken on new projects, new campaigns, and there wasn't time for everything. Something had to give and the day-to-day administration of the base was what fell to the side.

Leia reminded herself that she had everything under control. This was a time management problem and one more thing she could solve. Han would soon be on a run and she could recommit herself to her work. Focus entirely on what was important and remove all distractions from the equation.

"Hear we're being loaned out to other bases." Wedge leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Guess it's a job only the Rogues can do."

"Close but not quite."

She looked past Wedge and smiled at Tycho. He was cleared for flight only a few days ago and he did not react well to more than two weeks on the injured list. He looked happy enough now.

"The Rogues will escort some newly assembled teams into Imperial occupied spaces. It will entail stopping at bases to meet up with the small transports but the jobs themselves will be quick. Assuming everything goes as planned."

"Do we have a schedule yet? List of destinations?" Luke crossed his arms over his chest, taking on the serious look of squad commander.

She shook her head. "We're still working out details."

Leia had devoted much of her time since returning to base on this project. It required research and coordination and an enormous amount of patience to pull it all together. It was a hopeful response to the Empire's recent campaign to occupy and terrorize various targets, like Selhu, and a plan she first devised in Han's cabin.

It was her first visit to the Falcon after their return. She had been careful to establish her boundaries and kept her distance from Han for a few days. Proved to herself, and him, that their sexual relationship was indeed casual and occasional. It would not infringe on her work with the rebellion. When she showed up in the ship's lounge with a ready excuse to go over a list of available parts at his disposal, she played it calm and aloof and expected him to do the same. But she was met with a ridiculous wide grin and slow drawl that made her almost dizzy.

"Hey, Princess. Where you been?"

They didn't get very far. By the time they were halfway through the ring corridor, her pants were off and he was kneeling in front of her. He made her come quickly with tongue and fingers, her hand on the back of his head, her hips grinding into him. He looked up at her after, sucking her juices off his fingers, and she thought she'd never seen anything sexier in her life.

Once she was on the Falcon with him, she didn't question or wonder what should happen next. They simply trusted the other to reach out and respond. An intense but brief reprieve from the realities of war and the demands coming from all sides. And when she didn't immediately rush off, conversation flowed just as easily.

"It's hard not to feel like we're throwing pebbles at a wall." Leia pulled her tank top on over her head.

"Even successful strikes feel small in comparison. And then those strikes are used as justification to slaughter innocent populations."

Leia pulled on her underwear then stood in the middle of the room with hands on hips. She looked at Han and let out a slow breath.

"They are holding the galaxy hostage." She ran a hand over her hair, tucking strands behind her ears. "Selhu did nothing to bring on that assault. The Emperor wants everyone to feel the threat no matter what their involvement."

"Maybe that's not a bad thing." He had one arm behind his head and the other across his stomach. He looked relaxed, natural. While she could feel herself start to get agitated by all the things she still needed to do, he looked perfectly at peace. "If people figure it doesn't matter what they do then maybe they fight. If it's coming down anyway."

"That doesn't inspire loyalty to either side. That's simply a matter of convenience."

"People are going to blame the Empire or Rebellion for anything that comes down. Might not be what's best for them but whichever side makes it go away faster."

"This isn't exactly helping."

She shouldn't be talking to him about these things. He wasn't a member of High Command, he wasn't even an official member of the Alliance. But Leia knew he could be trusted and it felt like an extension of their new level of intimacy. It was one more thing confined to his captain's quarters.

"You need to get weapons to Selhu. Wherever else they've hit."

"What weapons? We barely have enough to supply the bases and cells we have."

Leia looked through the pile of clothes on the floor and picked up her pants.

"So we steal weapons instead of blowing them up."

She held the pants in front her, pausing in her efforts to dress. "Go on."

Han rubbed his chin as he thought through his next comment.

"Not an easy one cos we're talking volume. And with the Empire, might not get away with more than one raid. Unless they were all well-coordinated and that would be pretty risky."

"Let's put a pin in that idea." She was still holding her pants as she sat on the edge of the bunk. She bent one leg in front her so she could sit facing him. "We'll get back to it but, right now, let's think about the implications of providing weapons to a largely untrained populace."

"So train 'em. You already got a system in place for new recruits. Use it for Selhu. Or wherever."

She bit the inside of her cheek as she thought it through. "Beings are the one resource we do have."

He smiled at her. He moved one of his legs and she thought he might rub it against her side and felt a quick rush of disappointment when she realized he was only changing positions.

"You've already got some agents in place, right?"

"We'll need more. We need actual teams." She started the calculations. "Soldiers, of course. Especially anyone who has training experience. But also medics. Community organizers would be good. Maybe lawyers to help with the detainees."

"Okay." Han threw back the sheet and sat up.

She wasn't sure how but she forgot he was naked and was almost surprised to see him fully exposed. Even though she had touched almost every inch of him already, she had yet to take the time to look at every inch. He was comfortable in his body and had no modesty as he sat up and swung his legs over the side.

"Did I say something to offend you?" She moved so he could slide off the bunk.

Han grabbed his pants from the floor and pulled them on. "Getting us kaffe. Feels like this is going to be a long conversation."

She stayed in his bunk for far too long. They drank the kaffe. She threw out ideas, suggestions on who they needed to participate, what equipment might be available. He listened, argued, occasionally teased. When she finally pulled herself from the bunk and finished dressing, she had most of the plan worked out. She arrived late to her meeting, though no one questioned why, and was given the go ahead to put the plan in place.

Leia had everything under control despite the fact she couldn't maintain distance or hide her enthusiasm once they were alone. It was a different kind of adrenaline rush. Sometimes overwhelming and occasionally unnerving but also addicting.

He had a confidence, bordering on arrogance, that there would be a next time. It was a trait she typically found unappealing, especially if it was directed toward her, but for reasons she couldn't explain she found it exciting in this regard. She might waver, wonder if she could pull this off, sneak around, not become flush if they sat too close in the mess, but he was always steady. He was confident in his appeal and confident in his desire for her.

Leia assumed part of the issue was how long it had been for her. She was still living on Coruscant the last time she had sex. Two years. And her one serious brush with physical intimacy, kissing Han, was almost a year and a half earlier. She took care of herself when needed, sometimes frequently, and that usually took the edge off but there was no comparison to being with someone else. Or maybe it was being with Han.

She didn't have a lot of experience. The closest she came to a relationship was Saiira and that only lasted a few weeks. Everything else was very short-lived and very occasional. Other than Tecle, who worked in the Commenor embassy on Coruscant and decided to surprise her one day at her office, they all understood the parameters. They didn't so much end as simply didn't happen again.

There was a definite end point with Saiira, though, and Leia was the one who called it. She was eighteen, mature far beyond her years with enough confidence to rule the galaxy but naïve about personal matters. She didn't know how to navigate emotions and sex, let alone how to be awash in those experiences and still do what was expected of her. Her studies, royal duties, the burgeoning rebellion didn't slow down, the demands on her time didn't cease because she was tangled up in what may or may not be a romance.

Saiira was busy and ambitious, focused on her own research and career. She was finishing her dissertation, a rising star in her field. She was also a few years older and had the experience that Leia lacked. It should have been easy. All the boundaries should have been predetermined. But Leia couldn't keep things straight. She was too caught up in thinking about Saiira, wondering what she was doing, if Saiira was thinking about her. She was agitated. Nervous. Vulnerable.

Leia wasn't used to not being in command of a situation. There was an uncertainty with Saiira that didn't sit well with Leia. She wasn't sure how to behave or what was expected of her. The boundaries she put in place weren't holding. The affair, relationship, whatever it was, was bleeding into her real life. So, she ended it.

"This stretch has been too long." Wedge moved the food on his plate around before pushing it away. "I'm done with prep. Need some action."

"You're not getting enough action down here?" Tycho laughed. "You're getting more lately than most of us."

"Maybe some of these new recruits will be interested." Janson looked around the room, scanning for friendly faces.

"Interested in what?" Wedge looked at his fellow Rogue with eyebrow raised. "Action with you? Pretty sure that's not what they signed up for."

"We've talked about this Janson." Luke put on his exaggerated Commander voice. "This falls under the a bit creepy category."

"I'm just looking!" Janson didn't mind the joke but also thought he needed to defend himself. "Talking out loud. And I've barely been off-planet in about a month so how about you all fuck off, instead."

"Me, too, Lt. Janson?" Leia crossed her arms and gave him a stern look. "Should I also fuck off?"

"Shit, no." Janson's face turned a bright red. He sat up straight and tried to assume the posture of a serious man. "I, no, I'm sorry, Your Highness. I didn't realize, I forgot, you were standing there."

"Am I so forgettable, Lieutenant?" She tried to infuse an element of hurt into her voice. Added a tsk tsk sound. This was all too easy. And enjoyable.

"No, no." Janson looked around the table, hoping for some support. "I meant more that I was thinking about, trying, the guys were giving me a hard time, you know, and I wasn't paying attention, and then there's all this…"

"Stand down, Lieutenant." Luke dropped the Commander act and laughed. "You're gonna burst a blood vessel."

Janson squirmed slightly but chose, wisely, to drop the subject. He turned back to Tycho and the conversation around the table returned to its usual pace.

"We might need to get Janson on a mission soon." Luke turned to face her so they could have a more private conversation. "Think being piled on top of one another is making everyone a bit frazzled."

"We should have your squad up in a week or so." She looked around the room and wondered how long before people started to crack. "I worry that it will be exhausting for a completely different reason, though. We're trying to schedule in stops at bases for some R and R but that might not be possible."

They had no idea what they would find as they dropped teams onto planets, how easily squads could move through Imperial occupied territories. There was also the not so small matter of a number of Rebel bases being detected lately. In the past month, three bases were evacuated after they received word the Empire was on its way.

The search was on for more bases and that meant more equipment and resources to get them there and sustain them in hiding. More medical supplies, ships, weapons, fuel. They were supposed to be fighting battles, bringing the Empire to its knees, but were often faced with administration and household duties trying to keep the lights on. They needed new finance sources soon.

A Twi'lek squeezed past Leia, knocking her against the table. The Rebel did what they could to brace her, gave a quick apology then continued on just as a tray crashed nearby sending metal plates across the floor. Another table called out taunts and others laughed. One of the Rhodians talking to Threepio was suddenly angered, waving her hands and yelling. The golden droid moved into full panic mode, chanted oh dear, oh dear.

Osler had officially become a mire of sensory overload. They either had to invest in noise cancelling headphone for everyone, or half these beings needed to leave very soon.

"Are you getting lunch?"

She looked back at Luke. She was so easily distracted these days. Her mind wandered. She lost track of time. She needed to refocus. Realign. Maintain control. Balance.

"I was going to but think I'll go back to my office." She smiled at him. Tried to look casual. "I can grab a ration bar."

"I can bring you something. Tiggis doesn't care if I go in the kitchen. I could make you a sandwich or something."

"No, Luke, I'm fine." Leia took a step back from the table. "I'll grab something later if I'm hungry."

Stepping back might not have been the smartest idea. A small group with loaded trays had to get by and Leia, who was pretty small to begin with, had to make herself smaller so they could pass.

"It's not a big deal, Leia." He started to stand. "Not as good a cook as Chewie but pretty sure I can make a sandwich."

She put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"I don't need anything." Leia could feel her rising panic. This room, the noise, the constant rush of beings and droids and activity, was becoming too much. "I have to prep for my meeting and the fewer distractions the better."

It felt odd not to tell Luke the truth. They were her rules, her demands to keep the affair completely under wraps, but it was strange lying to Luke. She rationalized this decision by telling herself the affair didn't affect the rest of her life, it was separate and had no bearing on her work with the Rebellion, so Luke didn't need to know. It was like a classified mission that wasn't really a mission and involved a lot fewer clothes.

Having a secret life, so to speak, wasn't strange. Leia spent some time evading palace security when she was young. She had been a member of the rebellion as a teenage and in university, a spy during her time in the Imperial Senate. It was practically second nature to her.

But there was no higher purpose to fucking Han Solo.

It wasn't going to help the Rebellion or aid Alderaan's refugees. It was a diversion for her and her alone. Well, technically, Han, too, but that wasn't the point. It felt closer to those few times she snuck away from official functions to read or disappeared to the lake with Dommin. Things that felt selfish to her at the time but allowed herself those brief moments. Her parents even encouraged them so long as she didn't truly ignore her responsibilities. They wanted her to have something, or some time, to call her own.

Leia wondered how encouraging her parents would be of her visits to the Falcon. Or that the plan for occasional visits had turned into an every day thing, sometimes more than once. Her parents were kind and friendly, warm and loving, but also proper and polished. They were polite and calm even in their private chambers and rarely stepped outside their world of courtly etiquette. She was quite certain they would be shocked, and likely appalled, at how quickly Leia adapted to using fuck as a verb and how often she demanded it be done to her.

She squeezed Luke's shoulder again and made her way back through the crowds and out the door.

She could breathe a bit better in the corridor. It helped that everyone was moving and she didn't feel trapped against the table. She tried to occupy her mind with prep work. They were waiting for information from several field agents on Imperial troop movements. They already had a few agents on the ground on some planets. Transports were arranged. She had detailed packages to send with each team with contacts, estimated defenses, projected outcomes. She worked through the night on several occasions, making sure that nothing was missed. Desperate to avoid the mistakes of bad intel from the Fron mission. She needed to be sure all information was checked and rechecked.

Then in the morning, hopefully after a few hours sleep, she made her way to the Falcon. Han and Chewie brewed better kaffe, everyone knew that, and she deserved it, needed it, to get through her day.

He was almost always waiting for her. Chewie seemed to make himself scarce for those visits in particular. Actually, if she thought about it, the Wookiee was often not around. It seemed odd but, once again, there were other things to occupy her.

Leia had lived her entire life in the spotlight. Had a public persona. Holonet gossip was written about her. Discussing who she might someday marry was considered a news worthy subject. She gave speeches in the Senate. Sponsored intergalactic bills. Had the second highest bounty offered by the Imperials. She was literally the face of the Rebellion. But seeing Han's face when she arrived on his ship, knowing he thought about her, wanted her, both confounded and excited her. It was being seen in a whole new way.

If Dommin was alive, she would tell him everything. Maybe not every detail. Dommin didn't need to know about the holochess table or cargo hold, the cockpit, or that she actually fell off the bunk once. He would have mocked her for her inability to stay away longer than a day. Helped her with her research and reports so she had more time to play. She missed him, his friendship, and that part of her that died with Alderaan. It was a hole she didn't know how to fill.

"Oh, Your Highness."

Leia turned to look at Cyn, who was rushing in the opposite direction down the corridor. She hadn't noticed the Lieutenant's approach.

It's amazing I haven't walked into a wall.

"Yes, Lt. Onorux?"

"Are you heading to the hanger?" Cyn pulled a small datacard and case from her pocket. "Could you drop something off?"

"No." Did she shout? Leia hoped she had spoken in her regular inside voice. "Why would I be going to the hanger? I need to prep for a meeting."

Prepping for a meeting had become her catch-all excuse to get out of any situation.

"Isn't Solo leaving on a run this afternoon?" Cyn looked slightly confused. She pushed back her dark hair from her forehead. Cyn was taller than Leia, curvy and confident. "I presumed you would need to go over the cargo and supply lists. That is protocol, correct?"

Leia recovered quickly, brushed it off.

"Yes. My apologies." Leia and Cyn moved closer to the wall to let two droids and a repulsor-cart pass. "I didn't realize it was already that time."

"Solo said he'd try to get a message out for me." Cyn held out the card. "My grandmother's sick. I can't send her a message through Alliance channels but Solo said he could probably drop something on one of his runs. It's a long shot but options are limited."

"Ah, of course." Leia would give anything for the chance to say goodbye to her loved ones. What would she have done, or said, if she knew they were her last words? "I'm very sorry, Lt. Onorux."

Cyn nodded. Almost shrugged. She had a casual but warm distance about her.

"My grandmother would be here fighting if she could. There are some great early Empire stories about her. She is not a fan of Palpatine."

"Those are stories I'd like to hear sometime."

Leia almost wished she could fly Cyn to see her grandmother so she could hear them all in person.

"So, you don't mind dropping it off?" Cyn smiled when Leia responded with a nod. "I don't have much time for lunch and it will probably take forever to even get food."

"Of course." Leia smiled. "It's not a problem."

Cyn moved quickly toward the mess as Leia pressed herself against the wall. She needed a moment to decide what was next. She knew what she wanted to do, and had the added incentive of supply run protocol and delivering the datacard for Cyn, but what she wanted wasn't important. Other things, everything, required her attention. Control meant staying focused, staying on point.

The intercom blared, announcing the approach of two freighters. That meant more beings, this time from one of the recently evacuated bases, clutter, and noise. She would be expected to give the welcome speech. She would ask each of them their name and hope to remember it. Remind them they were all in this together. Let them know they could approach her with any questions or concerns.

Leia took a deep breath and pushed herself off the wall.

The intensity of her encounters with Han could be both thrilling and unnerving. She had never experienced anything quite like it. Neither of them held back. He didn't do anything at half-measure. Han was demanding, telling her what he wanted and what he wanted to do. It was often fast and energetic, consuming, and a way to remove herself from the rest of it. It was what she expected and one of the reasons she decided to become involved.

It was the tenderness that surprised her. Made her lose track of time. He liked to hold her after, run his fingers up and down her spine or along her arms. He grazed over body, nuzzled into her back and neck. When he saw bruises on her hips, left over from his grip as he took her from behind, he drew circles around each one then pressed gentle kisses against her flesh.

They lingered more than she expected. Enjoying each other's company. He intertwined their fingers, massaging her hand, as they talked. They sometimes stayed in the lounge, huddled together on the bench. Kissing and talking and kissing some more. He didn't reveal anything more about his past, though she learned a fair bit about the Falcon, and he always listened. He ran his fingers through her hair, pulling out strands from her braids, as she talked.

She had everything under control. Told herself there was intimacy because they were friends. They trusted each other because they were colleagues. She could visit before his run, check the supply lists and hand off Cyn's datacard. Maybe say a quick goodbye then get back to it. Then she would have all the time he was away to only focus on work.

He was on top the Falcon, fusing something on or taking something else apart. She couldn't tell from that distance. When he spotted her, he put the tool down, said something to Chewie and walked back to the top hatch. By the time he got down the lift, she was waiting for him outside his cabin.

Leia stuck to her plan. They did the work they needed to do, after a few minutes of making out, and she reminded him that she couldn't stay long. She would be late. People were expecting her.

"Then let's get to it, Sweetheart?" He nipped at her ear lobe as he moved her closer his bunk. "A week's a long time."

Leia reached down and unhitched his thigh holster.

"I guess you'll have to make this one memorable."

"That's the idea."

He peeled off her clothes, moving slowly. Pausing to kiss or lick her bare skin. She laughed at him, said he was wasting precious time, but by the time she was naked on his bunk, she had forgotten about the rest of the world and her long list of duties. She sighed as he moved his body over hers, spreading her legs to wrap around him.

He was determined to take his time. Worked his way down her body and just when she expected, craved, the next step he pulled back and started all over again. Somehow pushing her a bit higher each time. She alternated between wanting it to end immediately and never wanting it to stop.

She came once with his head between her legs and a second time while astride him. He was sitting up, arm wrapped around her hips as he thrust into her. Leia came, growling out his name and he quickly followed.

He liked this position. Said he liked the view. But Leia suspected it was also about their size difference. He was so much larger, so potentially dominant in that moment. He wanted her to move, have full reign, not feel smothered. He was turned on by her fully expressing her pleasure and power.

He swooped in to nip at her neck. She squeaked, maybe squealed, as she tried to block his way.

"You're really something, Princess."

He kissed her chin instead. Pretended to bite her.

Her hand went his cheek, her thumb across his lips. He took her thumb his mouth and she bit her own lip. She felt almost dizzy. The room wasn't spinning but thought she might need to hold on.

She felt dazed. Her limbs weak, almost numb. Her skin hot and tingling. Han held her close, continued to slowly rock his hips against her. He couldn't keep still.

"Fuck, Leia." He moaned against her neck. "That was… so… fucking good."

Leia brushed the hair off her forehead and realized she was sweating. It made sense but it wasn't something she was conscious of at the time. Now that her body was coming down from the high, she was slowly becoming aware of her surroundings again.

She leaned back to get more air in, cool her body down more. He leaned with her, running his tongue along her collar bone.

"You taste so good."

He moved back up to kiss her. A kiss so deep she almost forgot to breath. He pulled back and it felt like something, something she couldn't quite identity, was ripped from her.

He was going to be gone a week. One week. She could do one week without this. Only one week. Without him.

He tucked into her neck again. Nudged her with his nose, held tight to her hips.

"I like knowing what you taste like."

She arched her back, pressing her chest against him. Her fingers wove through his hair as he talked. They were both slick with sweat but she wasn't cold. She could feel heat radiating off him.

"Knowing what you sound like when you come."

His voice was low, a rumble, and vibrated against skin. His hands moved up and down her sides. She responded by pressing her thighs into his sides.

"How good it feels being inside you."

The cabin was quiet. There was only his moans and soft words. She closed her eyes, threaded her fingers through his hair and let herself be carried away. She responded to his every touch, her skin alive with energy. She wanted this quiet. She wanted him. Wanted this to last. One week. She could last one week without this quiet.

He pulled her closer. Held one breast and squeezed her nipple. His breathing was picking up again and she placed a hand on his back, relaxing into him.

"I fucking love being inside you, Leia."

She shivered. Maybe it was the sound of his voice. The hint of something more than lust. It felt too new to identify. Too familiar to call out. This was a space they created together. A quiet she knew with every fiber of her being. A part of her cellular memory. How did she get this far, spend so many years, and not recognize this need?

But it wasn't hers to claim. Beings relied on her. She had a mission, a duty, and neither involved hiding away in Captain's Solo bunk. None of this mattered. There was no time for her to claim selfish acts. Demanding she have something to call her own. That was not her life and hadn't been for years now.

"Gonna be hard not seeing you every day. Not touching you."

She pulled back to look at him but he bent over. Took her nipple in his mouth. Circled it with his tongue, sucked. He ran his thumb over her hard and erect nipple. Nibbled at her jaw.

The shivers grew. Started in her stomach and rose to her chest. She didn't know if it was panic or excitement settling in. She wanted this to continue. She needed this to stop.

She needed to curl up beside him. Tangle their limbs. Fall asleep in each other's arms.

She wanted to leave. Put this behind her. Fight. Win the war. Maybe discover if there could be a world for her after.

Leia felt her blood pressure rise. She let herself think about a life beyond bases and battles. What that might include. Who might be there. She knew she wanted this quiet, this excitement, and that admission scared her. It was unlikely. Impossible. She might not survive the war. Han was leaving. The only certainty was war and that it was her entire life.

Did she want Han to be there? Did she want him to not leave? Stay with her.

She was covered in cold sweat now. Her heart pounding. Her breath quickening.

"Come with me." He moved to her other ear. Practically purred against her.

Leia moved her hands from his back but was unsure what to do next. He was rocking slightly and she worried she might lose her balance. She moved her legs, feet flat on the bunk, to keep herself steady. She needed to support herself. It wasn't safe to rely on anyone else.

"Come on the run."

She stiffened. Sat up straighter.

"No meetings. We call the shots."

How would she explain that? She wouldn't be available for strategy sessions, meetings, the final preparation to send out teams. Slipping off to meet him in his cabin was one thing but taking off for a week was something else entirely. That wasn't balance. That wasn't maintaining control. That was taking something for herself when others couldn't. That wasn't her.

"Whatever you want, baby."

"I should go."

He stopped talking. Pulled back just enough to look at her.

"Go? On the run?"

His hands were still on her hips and he seemed to suddenly notice that she was no longer touching him. Both her hands rested on her neck, her arms folded to cover her breasts. His expression moved from contented bliss to a scowl.

"Now. I have to go now." She leaned back further. "I'm expected on a holo-call soon and I should be presentable."

His eyes were dark, intense, but it wasn't with desire. She hadn't seen that look in a long time. Genuine anger. He lifted her up enough that he could slide out from beneath her. She landed on the bunk as he slid off.

Han quickly grabbed his pants and started dressing. He wasn't looking at her.

"You knew I didn't have much time." She stood up. Found her tank top and shirt. "I've already stayed far too long."

He pulled his shirt on and only did up a few clasps before grabbing his boots.

"You know I can't leave the base on a whim. We're at a very important juncture. Mon Mothma, Rieekan, they need me here."

She was still buttoning up her shirt as he reattached his holster.

"We talked about this and you agreed. Why would you suddenly change the rules?"

She found her solution—leave—but her panic wasn't subsiding.

"The Rebellion always comes first. Always. You, or whatever this is, don't factor into the equation."

She could see his clenched jaw, his tense muscles, as he reached for his vest on the floor.

"Why won't you look at me?"

Her voice was steady but her hands shook. It was a struggle to fasten her shirt and still look calm.

He put his vest on and only then did he look at her.

"Gotta do the final check before take-off."

Leia nodded. She wanted to say something more. Find a way to set it right but the words didn't come.

"You know the way out."

And he was gone.

Leia finished dressing. Found her datapad and bag and made her way to the ramp.

He fucked up. It was supposed to be a reset but was pretty sure he made it worse.

"We were worried."

No. He definitely made it worse.

She put her hand on his jaw, letting her thumb stroke his chin. It was her apology. A gesture to welcome him back.

He took her hand in his, moving it down to their sides.

"Who's we?"

Leia tilted her head. "Luke and I."

Her cheeks were slightly flushed, rosy. He imagined her almost running to the hanger when she heard they'd returned. She looked at him, expectant. It was his turn to make a move. Go in for a kiss, pull her close, indicate his desire.

He'd spent the flight back gearing himself up to see her again. Reminding himself that this, like everything, was temporary. He'd be gone soon and none of this would matter.

"We expected you back days ago. Sullust reported you arriving and leaving on time but then nothing."

He still held on to her hand. He knew he should let go. Put some distance between them. One thing he knew he was good at was creating distance. But he held on.

"Had a few detours."

She furrowed her brow. She was going through her mental list of every notice and communiqué that came through since he left. Sifting for any Imperial run-ins, skirmishes near bases, reports of any battles or altercations.

"Anything serious?"

Han shook his head. They were good in the field. Knew they had each other's backs. She was one of the few people he trusted with his life and was pretty sure she thought the same of him. But this was different. Another kind of self-preservation. He promised her a long time ago that he'd never lie to her and he meant it. An omission wasn't a lie, though.

"Nothing serious."

He kept his expression neutral. It was his sabaac face. Stay steady, keep calm, reveal nothing. He wondered if she knew any of his tells, if he had any, then realized using his sabaac face now was probably a dead giveaway he was holding back.

"Okay, then."

He could see her considering what to do next. Deciding if she should pull her hand away or take a step closer. If it was already time for her to leave.

He squeezed her hand. Forced her eyes back on him.

"Miss me?"

She gave a small smile and his heart cracked a bit.

"It's possible."

He shouldn't want her to miss him. He shouldn't be glad that she did. His reset clearly wasn't doing what he'd hoped. Han rubbed the back of his neck. Tried to collect himself.

"Do you want a drink or something?"

Leia gave a small laugh, looking slightly confused. He didn't usually show this much patience. He'd made it very clear that even a few hours in between seeing her could be too much. He didn't hide his desire, how much he wanted her. Pausing for a drink was a new twist.

He moved to get the whisky without waiting for her reply.

She was throwing him off. She was glad to see him. Worried that he was late. He didn't expect to see her so soon. Thought she'd put it off to prove her point. Things were casual, only sex, very temporary.

Han put two glasses on the table and poured the whisky.

"I'm not sure if a midday drink is the right choice for me."

She was keeping it light. Her tone was joking, trying to get the banter going.

"Suit yourself." He clinked his glass against hers then downed the contents in one gulp.

Leia eyed him carefully. He could see her holding back. She wasn't going for the fight he was clearly angling for.

"Is everything okay?"

"'Course." He poured another shot then quickly downed it. "Why wouldn't it be?"

His voice was raspy from the liquor. He swallowed again to clear his throat.

Leia sat on the bench and took her glass. She was being conciliatory. Giving him space to speak his mind if he wanted but that wasn't likely. He'd let things slip once and look where that got him. The brush off. Reminder to stay in his lane.

He sat across from her. He still held his glass in his hand as he considered going for another drink. He watched her. She was considering something, too, but he was done making guesses.

"So, Princess, what brings you by?"

She blinked twice, the equivalent of Leia flinching. He landed one but it didn't make him feel better.

"I came to see you." She tilted her head. "Isn't that obvious?"

"You know how it is, your worshipfulness. Wouldn't want to assume."

He blamed himself for the mess he was in. If he'd been paying closer attention, he would have noticed the warning signs. But he was too caught up in it.

Han wasn't unfamiliar with these arrangements. He didn't have relationships or girlfriends, necessarily, but he'd stopped planet-side a few times because he'd hooked up with someone. They spent a stretch enjoying each other as much as possible and it usually lasted a couple weeks before one or both of them got bored.

No one could keep his attention for long or distract him from where he really belonged. In his ship, among the stars, on the move. Once he was gone, out of sight, he rarely thought about them. It stung a bit those few times when she got bored first but it was easy enough to brush off. Nothing stuck to him.

He figured the same thing would happen with Leia. They'd have a few meet-ups and get it out of their systems but it didn't work out that way. It started out slow while she decided if she'd allow herself the distraction but it ramped up quickly. The sex, the after time when they talked, the fact that he missed her if he didn't see her for a day even. He'd agreed to all her rules because what did he care if they snuck around. He'd done it plenty of times before.

But he did care. He was into it. He was surprised that first week or so every time she came by but then it seemed like the natural thing to do. Why wouldn't she come by? It was good. They were having fun. He knew what he was doing. Never let himself get too deep. All through his extended run, he went through the list of warning signs. They were all there but he refused to acknowledge them. It only made matters worse that Chewbacca caught on right away.

The Wookiee wasn't happy with the arrangement and Han's good mood didn't convince him otherwise. In fact, it seemed to fuel Chewie's anger.

[This is going to crash around you. You're going to make a mess of everything. Again.]

"Don't be so dramatic. Nothing's gonna crash. We're having fun is all."

This all started because Han was whistling while working repairs and Chewie claimed it hurt his ears. Claimed everything Han was doing lately was an assault on his senses.

[Neither of you are ready.]

"What are you talking about? We were ready three times yesterday."

He couldn't stop the wide grin after that comment. It had been amazing. She showed up in time for morning coffee then a few hours later for another quick romp. When she appeared early in the evening, after mess and before her night shift, it was a struggle to keep himself in check. He moved slowly toward her, eyes locked, swagger going for full effect. She laughed, waited for him to come to her. When he picked her up, she wrapped her legs and arms around him, his hands went to her ass and back. They barely broke their kiss as they made their way back to his cabin.

[You think with your dick then fuck everything up.]

"Stop worrying." He threw one of the hydrospanners back in the toolbox. What the hell was Chewie's problem? "I know what I'm doing."

[This one is important.] Chewie brandished the micro-fuser he was holding at Han. His growls were getting increasingly louder. [You screwing it up means you'll want to leave. This is important work. It will help us free Kashyyyk.]

"We're not sticking around anyway. You know that."

This was supposed to be some light repair work. Something to pass the time in between assignments and while they waited for parts the Alliance promised them. Now it was feeling like a waste of time and like he wanted to get the hell away from his cranky co-pilot.

[But we can stick around longer. We can stick to the plan.]

"Hey, I'm not going to fuck this up!" He was yelling now. Chewie was supposed to be on his side. The one being who didn't think he was a complete fuck up, even if Han's actions often said otherwise. "We're just having a good time. You need to calm down."

[You're the one getting emotional.]

"Fuck you! I'm not emotional!" He threw another tool into the box, realizing too late he still needed it.

[I'm not helping you through this one.]

"When have I ever needed your help?"

Han hoped that Chewie wasn't going to start listing all the times he did need the Wookiee's help. He'd been a mess after Q'ira, sure, but that was long time ago. And Chewie did have to clean up a few messes after Han set fire to some situation he was trying to get out of. Not just women who were pissed at him for bad behaviour or taking off when they expected more. Deals and scams and heists that went wildly wrong. He was pretty sure the only reason Lando ever considered talking to him again was because it was hard to stay mad at Chewbacca.

[You don't think anything through. Consider the consequences.] Chewie turned back to the circuitry board he'd pulled out. [She's skittish and you're a bantha in heat.]

"She's not skittish! I'm not chasing her. She's showing up here cos she wants to." Han gave up on his work and turned to face Chewie. This whole conversation was ridiculous. "And what does it matter anyway? Not like it's going to last! We're just having fun."

[You keep saying that. Are you trying to convince me or you?]

"You don't think it sounds like we're having fun? You complain enough about it."

[You don't know what you're doing.]

"I think we both know what we're doing." He put his hands on his hips. Tried to go for a leer. Something that indicated he and Leia were doing very well in that department.

[You aren't paying attention.] Chewie kept his eyes on his work. [She struggles with doing anything for herself. She thinks everything has to go into the war.]

"So she's getting some distraction. How's that a bad thing?"

[Because she doesn't think she deserves it. If you didn't think your dick solved every problem, you might notice that too.]

What the hell was wrong with this Wookiee? He knew how often she came by. Commented more than once that they were too loud. He'd given Han a hard time for years, claiming Han was sweet on the princess. And now that they were getting together, Chewie was giving him a hard time? What the hell was up his ass?

"Hey! She's into it as much as me. I'm not chasing her." He tried to not shout but the Wookiee wouldn't look at him and that only made him madder. "We mess around when she comes by. That's it. All casual like."

[Admit you care about this one, about her, and maybe you won't ruin it.]

But it all got fucked up cos he did admit things. Asked her to come with them on the run. Admitted he wanted her around. He didn't promise endless love or anything big but definitely more than intended. More than he wanted to say if he was paying attention.

"You just missed Luke." Leia swirled the whisky in the glass but didn't look any closer to drinking it. "The Rogues are escorting a team down to Arnah then possibly extracting an agent from Vernoyll. We're still waiting on word about that one."

"You got your Rebel teams up and running." It wasn't a question but she nodded anyway. She got this look in her eyes when she was happy or proud of an accomplishment but didn't want to brag. Take the credit. It was a quick flash that she let him see and he always had the same reaction. A tug on his heart. A flutter in his chest. She did something to him and he needed to keep it in check. "Good for you, Princess."

"It's the first one so we'll see how it goes."

She looked more confident than worried. She knew it was a good plan. He had to restrain himself from reaching over to grab her hand again.

Leia looked around the lounge, maybe trying to keep up the illusion that things were relaxed.

"Where's Chewie?"

"Supply room."

She had incredibly soft skin. He had no idea how she managed it living underground and on ships and no access to any of the nice stuff a princess was used to. He picked up stuff on runs sometimes but he didn't know anything about moisturizers or creams and always felt a bit awkward giving it to her. Felt too personal. Somehow, though, it didn't feel too personal to know her skin was soft. It felt right.

How did he not pick up on this shit?

It was about sex, obviously, but not just sex. He loved listening to her talk, or the sound of her breathing if she slipped into a short nap after, and running his hands over her body. He'd pull her leg over his as she tucked into him, draw patterns up and down her thighs. Sometimes, if they had the time and the mood was right, he'd slip a hand between her legs again, often finding her already wet for him. He played with her hair and trailed fingertips along her spine. Occasionally, he spelled out words on her back, waiting to see if she noticed.

He often tried to get one more touch in. As she sat up in the bunk, swung her legs over the side, his hand went to her lower back, his thumb caressing her hip. Sometimes he took hold again, gently, and kissed her back, maybe offering a small brush of his tongue. Despite his bravado, with her and Chewie, he knew there was a mix of needing one more to get him through till the next time and the feeling that this might be the last moment. He didn't want it to end with him missing the chance to touch her one last time.

Han shook his head. He was doing it again. Getting himself turned around when he had finally straightened it out. He needed to keep that focus.

"So, you're saying that we're alone right now?"

She smiled. She had a real wicked smile when she wanted it. No one would believe him but she could give looks that almost set him on fire. The anticipation probably helped. He knew where it was going, what she was capable of, what she could do to him. It was near impossible to resist and, honestly, why the hell would he?

He was blown away watching her orgasm that first time. It took over her whole body. She held on with all four limbs, moved with and against him. Growled encouragements, his name, words he couldn't identify. He figured some of it was stress relief after a long build up but turns out it's who she was. How they were together. She did everything full force.

Leia got up from her seat and moved to sit beside him. He watched her every move. Tried to keep his expression neutral but needed to swallow several times. Her hand went back to his cheek and he leaned in to kiss her.

One of the things that he liked about this… whatever it was… was how evenly matched they were. Not in size. She was small in general and tiny compared to him but she was strong and demanding and easily took charge. There was nothing demure about her when it came to sex and that made her all the more desirable.

She pulled back and smiled, her hand still on his cheek.

"Hey."

He didn't reply but pulled her in closer. He kissed her with all the urgency that he couldn't speak. His fingers tangled in her hair, tongues ensnared, teeth brushing against lips.

He wanted her, maybe even needed her, and he hated that feeling. Hated feeling vulnerable and exposed. He learned that lesson, hammered home over and over, very early on. Never show anyone your soft underbelly. That was the first rule of self-preservation. He missed her the entire time he was gone. Stayed away longer, hoping to wipe her from his head. Embarrassed that he had expressed anything beyond basic carnal needs. But as soon as he saw her, felt her up close, she consumed him all over again.

Chewie was right. He was fucked and he'd fucked this whole thing up.

When she pulled back again, he couldn't look at her right away. Kept his eyes closed for a couple of beats before meeting her gaze. Her brow was furrowed again and she placed a hand on his chest.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

This kiss was softer, lingering. She eased into him, hand going to the back of neck, the other slipped around his back. Han played with her hair, pulling out strands and wrapping them around his fingers, as the slow kisses continued. He flicked his tongue against hers, along her lips. Kissed her nose and chin, along her jaw, behind her ear. It was something he never expected to want or like. Gentle moments, stopping time to kiss, make out, be together.

Han had never been one for kissing. Sure, some, but usually in the rush of sex or a quick goodbye. Never this version that sometimes felt like a completely different activity. Another way to be together. It's what he imagined teenagers did. Not him, of course. Not even with Q'ira.

Han would've happily lazed around with Q'ira if that was even a remote possibility but they were always on the hustle and privacy wasn't a thing. Even when they shared a cot, something the White Worms didn't encourage cos they didn't want bonus scrumrats showing up, they were only a couple feet from someone else and doors weren't a thing. He got used to being very quick and very quiet.

Q'ira had trouble sitting still. Their time together was about the next thing and not the present. She was more on the hustle, the take, than him even. He had it tough after Jaina but he was pretty sure things were worse for her. She never gave details about her life before him or things that happened when they weren't together and he learned not to ask.

She believed some things should be left in the dark. Secrets belonged to the holder. She didn't want to know things about him. Said she didn't want ammunition to use against him later. She said it sweetly and he knew she meant it kindly, as friendly advice. People might claim to be your friend, say they have your best interests at heart, but if it comes down to it they'll always choose to save themselves.

She was right. Anytime he'd let any of his own darkness out, anything he kept locked away, it bit him in the ass. If he was lucky. The unlucky times meant he was running for his life or starting from scratch with no credits to his name and another planet he should probably avoid.

Every moment of Q'ira's day served a purpose and making out with her scrumrat boyfriend wasn't going to get her out of the sewers faster. If they ever got the chance to catch their breath, it was a slice of heaven for Han and something she endured. She might put up with it for him but it never lasted long. Eventually, he didn't even bother. It was hard for him to enjoy it when she looked like she was counting the minutes.

He figured Leia would be the same since she wasn't big on wasting time. Always had someplace else to be. There were definitely times that were quick and dirty, usually in the cargo hold or cockpit when they only had a few minutes on their own. If they ended up in his cabin, which was most times, they took a bit more time. Kissed. Talked. Maybe got in another round. She was always throwing him for a curve and tried not get too caught up in where it took him. Tried and mostly failed.

Turns out, Leia was the kind of teenager who made out at parties or snuck off to the family library. He also found it funny that she had a family library.

"We had more than one." She was leaning up against the bulkhead at the end of his bunk on a small pile of pillows she'd pulled from the crew quarters. "Family library. Public library. Archives. One devoted to galactic politics. Another to the history of Alderaan."

She was turned slightly to face him with knees bent. She wore her tank top and had the sheets pulled up to her waist. She wasn't as comfortable as he was with being naked. She said she got cold too easily but he thought she might like the extra layer. More armor to protect herself.

He was lying beside her, one hand behind his head on the pillow, the other rested on her knee. It was mid-afternoon and Leia was supposed to be preparing her presentation on her Rebel teams drop.

"Lots of places for a princess to hide."

"True." She brushed the hair back from his forehead. "Though I was usually hiding so I could read the books."

"Making out was your distraction from reading books?"

"I think reading books was the distraction."

He ignored her attempts to derail the conversation. "Who was the lucky guy or gal?"

She rolled her at him. "You're making too big a deal out of this."

Han rolled on to his side and propped his head up on a bent arm. His other hand casually caressed her thigh.

"Too many to name?"

"It didn't happen that often." She didn't move from her spot against the pillows but shifted her leg so it rested against his side. "It was all harmless. We were mostly experimenting."

"Experimenting doesn't sound so harmless."

He couldn't tell if the topic was adding to her post-sex rosy glow but he liked it.

"Every once in a while it was someone I had a crush on or maybe went on a date with. Innocent dates to galas or town dances."

"Sure, nothing ever happens at town dances."

She laughed. "I think we've had different experiences at dances."

"I've never been to a dance."

Leia reached behind her to drink from her glass of water. When she sat back against her pillows, Han reached over to readjust her tank top. She gave him a sly smile as he covered her bare breast making sure to brush his thumb over her nipple.

"For the most part, it was simple curiosity." She kept her smile as he resumed his position beside her. "Dommin and I…"

"Hold up!" Han's eyes went wide. "Dommin? The same pal you talk about? Your goofy friend. You and Dommin were kissing buddies?"

"I never said he was goofy."

"You didn't have to say it. It was implied."

"Fine. I didn't provide that information but you made the assumption that nothing happened."

"I thought he was like Luke. A guy you…"

He stopped talking. Shut his mouth. Tried for a neutral expression.

"Were you going to say, 'strung along'?"

He kept his silent stare going for a moment longer.

"No."

Leia didn't smile but her eyes gave it away. She wasn't mad or even annoyed and maybe even found him funny.

"Anyway." She moved her leg again, pressing it up against his. "Dommin and I were close. We trusted each other. We were both curious and decided it was safest and easiest to try, to learn some things, with each other."

"There's more to this story. What else did you learn?" He moved his hand under the sheets and wrapped it around her thigh. There was that soft skin again. So hard to resist.

"A number of things."

It was a stand-off. They stared at each other as he waited for Leia to continue and she waited for Han to catch on.

"No shit." He sat up and faced her. Pointed a finger at her. "You fucked!"

She sighed and didn't roll her eyes. "That's not how I would put it."

"Fine." He tilted his head. Spoke in a long, drawn out drawl. "You maaadde loooovve."

She playfully slapped his arm and he fell back laughing.

"I wouldn't say that either. But we did love each other." She watched him, gave a small shake of her head at his smug look. "Look, it isn't that complicated. We kissed a few times when we were younger. It was good practice should we have the opportunity to kiss anyone else. Then we were sixteen and both heading off to university and neither of us wanted to be in a situation where we weren't prepared. So we decided to prepare each other."

"You scheduled sex?"

"Does that surprise you?"

He put his hand behind his head again. Smirked at her. "Does it surprise you that it turns me on?"

She ran a hand across his chest and leaned in to kiss him.

"Not in the least."

He watched her sit up, settle back into the pillows again. She pulled her hand away, rested it on her stomach, but he could still feel her heat against his skin.

"Was this kind of thing…" Han waved a hand around, drawing a circle around them and the bunk. "Allowed?"

"Was I allowed to have sex?"

"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't sure how else to explain it. "Princesses are supposed to be pure, right? Not tampered with."

"And you say you aren't a romantic."

"Fine. Act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"You're wondering if my lack of virginity affected my market value." She tilted her head to look at him, trying not to smile.

"Essentially, yes. That's what I'm wondering."

She looked at the ceiling and didn't sigh, though he knew she wanted to.

"Thankfully, my parents didn't adhere to those arcane rules. They expected discretion but they accepted that it would happen." She straightened out the sheet covering her. "I wasn't on the market, as you describe. My parents were very clear that they would never ask or suggest I marry for anything but love. I wasn't naïve about the process, though. I knew there were interested parties. There had been conversations."

"No one you were interested in?" The idea of being carted off to marry a stranger seemed insane to him. Getting married seemed insane.

"There was only one serious discussion that I knew about and he was quite nice. It wasn't a horrible idea but also not a very interesting and definitely a very inconvenient one." She looked at Han. Got a small twinkle in her eye. "We actually tried dating but it didn't last long. He seemed more interested than I was so I thought it best to cut it off quickly."

"You didn't want to marry Dommin?"

Leia laughed and shook her head. "No."

"Did you parents find out? About you and Dommin?"

"Of course. In fact, I announced it at breakfast the next morning." She laughed again. "I don't think I was even trying to be dramatic. It happened and I thought they should know."

He wished he could have seen that version of Leia. Someone who truly believed it was all good things to come.

"Let me guess, you went in with a list."

She laughed. It was the deep, throaty version that always gave him a jolt.

"We both did." She leaned her head against the bulkhead, turning to face him. "All the things we wanted to try, somethings we had heard about. We didn't get to them all but made a pretty good dent."

He couldn't hold back his laughter. Every time he stopped, her attempted calm face made him laugh harder. She nudged him with her knee.

"I know how it sounds to you but it was a good experience all around and sweet in many ways. It wasn't romantic but we trusted each other. There wasn't any pressure."

Han could see she was circling her grief. He didn't try to push it either way. Let it go wherever Leia needed it to go.

She smiled again.

"He insisted on taking before and after holos of us to see if there was a discernable difference."

"Was there?"

"Messier hair. Ruddy cheeks." She paused. "I suppose I looked happy too. Later, whenever I was doing something that both excited and terrified me, like the first speech I made in the Senate, he sent me the holos. It always made me laugh."

She found a loose thread on the sheet. Focused on wrapping it around her finger, tugging against it.

"Anything I should thank Dommin for? A particular skill you learned?"

She rolled her eyes. "It was a perfectly reasonable way to lose one's virginity."

"Reasonable? Not sure that's what most go for with their first time."

"They don't all have to be seedy stories about casual sex."

"Seedy? Careful, Princess." He shook a finger at her. "That's sounding like judgement."

"There's no judgement. I simply know you." She narrowed her eyes at him. Pushed her knee up against him again. "You have some story that proves your street cred. It will involve some teenage scam or your first high stakes sabaac game."

He didn't say anything. Returned to his neutral expression, letting her continue.

"Oh, c'mon. This is your big chance to reveal something. No judgement. Prove to me how proper and boring my first time was compared to yours because it was planned and with a friend."

He looked away, repositioned himself on the bunk.

"You do you, Princess. No judgement here either."

He could feel her still watching him.

"I think I understand." She waited for him to look at her. "That wasn't your story at all. You were in love."

"Hang on! Who said anything about love?"

He glared at her. He'd been nice about this whole thing. Didn't push or stop her from telling Alderaan stories. And she comes at him with this shit?

"I'm not giving you are hard time." She held both her hands up in a surrender gesture. Seemed to understand that touching him in that moment wasn't a good idea. "I think it's good."

"Good?" He sat up again. Did the mental calculations on the fastest way out of the bunk. "Well, Sweetheart, that doesn't sound condescending at all."

"And you don't think Sweetheart isn't condescending?" She sat up straighter, too. "I don't understand why you're getting upset. How is it a bad thing if I suggest you cared about someone? Or they cared about you."

He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. It had all been going well up to that point.

"Just drop it, alright?"

"Alright."

He dropped on to his back on the bunk.

Han didn't know if he loved Q'ira. He tried not to think about it then and definitely not now. They didn't talk about feelings. They had a plan to get off Corellia together, share adventures criss-crossing the galaxy, but some part of him knew it wasn't a forever thing and he accepted it for what it was. It was good being with her. He'd lost everything, felt like it happened more than once, and then they found each other. It wasn't perfect, nothing was, but it was good to not be alone.

His put his hand on Leia's knee again. His thumb massaging her gently.

No. It was more than that. He'd always been cocky. Knew he was smart. Figured he could get himself out of any mess because he always did. He'd get himself off the streets and into a ship. He didn't know how he was going to do it but was confident it would happen. With Q'ira, though, he felt alive. More than just getting by until things got better. Being with her made it better.

He'd been nervous as hell their first time. She had more experience and he felt like some dumbstruck kid compared to her. He couldn't quite figure out how or why she opened up to him when the rest of the world was so firmly shut out. But she did. It happened. It seemed like the proof he needed that there could be more than the scramble.

Trust was tricky between them. He knew she trusted him as much as she'd ever trust anyone. Every time she didn't screw him over he was almost grateful, knew it was only a matter of time, and he was somehow still surprised when the double cross finally happened. The hurt that followed felt like the final nail. Han never let the odds or the seemingly impossible stop him but he wasn't going to keep throwing himself into the fire when getting burnt was the only result. By that point, he had Chewie and he'd soon have the Falcon and figured he had everything he needed to keep flying.

His hand moved up and down Leia's thigh. He knew she was watching him, probably trying to figure out if she should leave. An argument seemed like a good point to call it, though he preferred being the one to storm out. It was always better than being the one left behind.

But he didn't want her to go. He knew the rules she set and he agreed to. Casual, no expectations, no sleepovers. That all seemed easy enough and clear boundaries were smart considering their circumstances but he was stuck. He couldn't stop thinking about Leia coming to his tent after the Fron mission.

They didn't say a word but he knew exactly what she needed. She trusted him. Something other than knowing he had her back in a fight. Strangely, that part came to them naturally. Within a few seconds of meeting on the Death Star, all four of them worked in sync even as they fought and bickered. But he and Leia were careful and reserved about everything else.

Yet, she slept in his arms. Pressed up against him as he held her close.

It took him a long time to fall asleep that night. He was memorizing the sound of her breathing, the rise and fall of her chest, the occasional twitch of her body as a dream invaded. How their bodies fit together. The smell of her hair as he rested on the pillow next to her. Everything was fleeting and he had enough sense to know he should carry this one with him.

Then they started sleeping together and he figured that memory would be enough. He thought he could keep them separate but realized they were bleeding together despite his best efforts. If he was smart, he'd get off the bunk now. Cut off this need to hold her close and listen, feel, her deep slumber.

"You gotta go soon?"

He felt her turn to look at the chrono. "It's about that time."

Han sat up. With a hand on her cheek, he kissed her. He wasn't going to apologize for snapping at her and sure as hell wasn't going to explain anything about him and Q'ira but he could kiss her. Show her that this, being together in his bunk, making out like the teenager he never was and she sometimes pretended to be, was good. It could be the distraction they both needed.

Sitting on the bench around the holochess table, he pulled her even closer as she swung a leg over his lap, pressing against his erection. She reached between them, cupping him in her hand. Her thumb stroked him through the fabric of his pants as she gently squeezed. He let out a slow hiss.

He was overwhelmed by his need. He was used to want—wanting pleasure, sex, adventure, food—but things had flipped in only a few short weeks. He needed her. Her touch. The sound of her voice. To be inside her. He needed her to need him. To want him.

He let this thing with Leia take over, forgot to keep the walls up, and he overstepped. It might have been a moment of honestly, admitting his want and need, but it was too much. The only way he was keeping her around is if he maintained distance. She didn't want him to need her. Didn't want him that close. She stroked his cock and he got even harder, clutched her hip so tightly there would likely be bruises. They kissed without coming up for air and he fought against his urge to pull her full on his lap and fuck her right there.

His mind was a jumble of desire, concern and guilt. Kept trying to tell himself it didn't matter. None of it mattered. They needed a reset so that's what he did. He recalibrated their relationship.

Leia pulled back to look at him. With the barest hint of a smile she said, "Let's go."

She stood up, took his hand and stepped back, expecting he would follow. When he didn't move, when his jaw clenched and a look of worry appeared in his eyes, she let go of his hand.

"What's wrong?"

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

He swallowed. Didn't move. Didn't look away.

She was assessing him. Finally taking him all in. Her eyes softened. He expected a flash of anger but it was something else. She looked sad. She was ready to be disappointed.

"Where do you go? Your detours."

He rubbed his chin, considered lying. Of course disappointment was where she'd land. It's what he did. Infuriated or disappointed. Sometimes both.

"Went to pick up a few things. See some people." He looked at her, wondered how much she knew and how much he could get away with.

"I see." She took a step back.

Fuckfuckfuck

Han stood up, put his hands on her waist. He figured the only way to get through this was to keep it moving. Show her that this was perfectly normal. He was a fuck up who regularly set things on fire. Ask anyone. Ask Chewie. She knew this going in. He wasn't disappointing her. He was living up to everyone's expectations.

Leia pushed his hands off and took another step away.

"You had sex. With someone else."

Keep it calm. Keep it natural. He'd straightened things out. He let things get messy and now they were back to even. It was simple math.

"Well, yeah."

Her face did this thing he'd never seen before. Almost like she'd been slapped. Or stung. It only lasted a second, a quick twitch, a flicker, then she was back to her princess-gaze.

"How many?"

"What?"

"How many people did you sleep with while you were away?"

"One." What kind of question was that? Why would that matter? It was hard for him to think with the never-ending fuckfuckfuck still racing through his brain.

"This was a mistake." She took a few more steps back, moving toward the ramp. "I should leave."

"Hang on." He tried to grab her arm but she quickly moved out of his way. "You can't get mad about this."

She paused to straighten her shirt, check the buttons.

"I'm not mad. Whatever would have given you that idea?"

"The storming away. Saying this was a mistake."

"That was a realization not an expression of anger." She checked her hair.

"You were pretty fucking clear this was casual." Han's voice was rising. "What did you think casual meant?"

She blinked twice. He didn't feel quite so good about landing that hit.

"I suppose I didn't think it through entirely. That one's on me."

Han needed to do some quick thinking. She hadn't left yet so maybe that was a good sign. He wasn't sure what constituted a good sign in this instance, though. Something else was happening. The part of his brain that told him to scan a room when he entered, to choose his seat wisely, keep his hand close to his blaster when he walked around a corner, was sounding the alarm. He was in danger. He needed to fix this and he was realizing it might be beyond repair.

"I've been gone a while. I don't know you didn't do the same thing."

"Yes, you do, Captain." Her eyes were dark with anger but her voice was calm.

He tried a different tactic. Put his hands on his hips so he didn't resort to finger pointing or try to take her hand again.

"You're blowing this out of proportion."

She stared at him. Dared him to continue talking.

"Look, Princess." He knew right away that was the wrong angle to take. "You want casual, we're doing casual."

He felt that twinge in his chest. She wasn't leaving but she wasn't reacting. These were her rules. He was doing what she wanted. Sure, casual was a prerequisite for all his encounters but the point was she said it out loud first so she had no right changing things up without telling him.

"You're getting all high and mighty like this isn't what you wanted all along." He took a single step toward her then stopped. He leaned in but kept his distance. He didn't want to crowd her when she was ready to spring. "You wanted a quick easy fuck and that's what you got. Plenty of them. You came here today looking for a fuck so why pretend there's anything else going on?"

He could see her jaw clenching. Her fists were balled at her sides.

"Did I break some royal rule you didn't bother telling me? Was I supposed to ask your permission?" He put his hands back on his hips. Looked up for a second, trying to catch his breath. He was starting to panic. He'd made a wrong turn and wasn't sure how to get back on track. His instincts had abandoned him. Or had given him all the wrong information. "This is bullshit. You get all princess-perfect if I do anything that isn't exactly the way you want it. How does that make me the asshole?"

This reset needed a reset.

"Do you know what you're problem is, Princess? You don't know what you want. You play the part of the great martyr, sacrificing everything for the greater good. You're everyone's humble fucking servant. But you're out for yourself as much as anyone else so just admit that a good fuck is a good fuck and stopped pretending everything is on a higher plain with you."

Han could see the fault in that logic. He was pretty sure he was the one stuck on wanting it to mean more. She was the one who ran when he said he needed her. He was angry because he said it and angry because she didn't say it back.

"What does it matter anyway?" If all else fails, go back to the basics. "I'm out of here soon as I can."

"I don't understand why you don't."

He looked at her blankly, trying to process her words.

"Do what?"

"Leave!" She screamed. Almost a shriek. Her face was red and maybe about to crumble. "Go! Don't give me the excuse that we owe you money. You've left plenty of deals on the table because you fucked up or someone fucked you over. Walking away with nothing is normal for you so please consider this the same. Leave."

Her eyes were dark and wide but there were no tears. She spoke in sharp, clipped words, emphasizing each syllable perfectly in case there was a chance he might misunderstand.

"Send Chewbacca back when Jabba or the Empire locks you up. He's a valuable asset for the rebellion and he cares about the fight. Your services are no required. In any capacity."

"Where do you get…"

"No." She held a hand up. It was a definite halt and there was no getting around it. "We're done. I'll take full responsibility for assuming any of this could be civil or above board. I should have known better."

Leia spun on her heel and marched toward the exit. She stopped at the top of the ramp and turned back for one final shot.

"You should return to whatever it is that you think you do best. Steal from, fight with, sleep with whomever you choose." She got a small, and furious, glint in her eye. "Though, I suppose the correct phrasing would be, As you were, Captain Solo."

She must have passed Chewie on the ramp because he was in the lounge a moment later. Han hadn't moved from his spot, hands still on hips.

[They didn't have the sensor board we asked for.]

Han glanced at Chewie. He nodded once as his friend held up the circuit board to show him.

[Better than the one we have now.]

Han went back to staring blankly at the ramp. He didn't expect her to come back up but thought he should probably try to remember her as she walked off.

[I'm guessing things didn't go well with the princess.]

"Fuck off, Chewie." Han didn't turn to the Wookiee. "Don't need to hear I told you so right now."

They could get the sensor board in. Make sure all Rebel cargo was off the ship. Luke wasn't around so he couldn't say goodbye to him but that kid would understand. Maybe they'd cross paths again. Or maybe it was a good idea to steer clear of everyone. It wouldn't be smart to get in the path of any princess news. The trick was, once he got moving, to not stop. It was the stopping that got him in trouble.

Chewie was suddenly beside him, his big furry paw resting on Han's head. He looked up at his friend, ready to tell him to get the hell back, but he didn't have the strength. Talking felt like too strenuous a task.

Chewie pulled him in for a hug. Han was buried, surrounded by Wookiee fur and arms. He should push his friend back, insist he didn't need anything. Definitely didn't need sympathy from someone who called it. Predicted Han would do exactly this and how Leia would react. He should remind Chewie that he didn't care. None of this mattered and they were planning on leaving anyway. He got it moving a little faster is all.

Instead, he settled in. If it made Chewie feel better, showing off his fatherly side, then he'd give the Wookie this moment. He could stand still for a minute or two more.