The sound of crashing waves and howling wind filled all the space around him, and it was dark. It was so very dark. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, but nothing changed. And then he heard someone screaming his name from far away. And someone else, someone closer was speaking to him, but he knew the one screaming in the distance was Sam. He was freezing. Things were clawing at him, pulling him towards the black, churning water and something else was pulling him back into the boat, but he focused only on the distant screaming and his need to get to Sam.

"Sam!" He tried to yell it at the top of his lungs but he was sure it only came out as a strangled cry.

The other voice continued talking softly to him. "Come on... Dean, it's all right. You're safe. Let's get you to your brother. This way…"

Cas…Cas was the one pulling him back into the boat. Or... down a hallway? Yes.A hallway. The house. They were in the Heaven House. Cas's fixer upper. He tried to make some kind of snarky remark, but the words wouldn't come out. He was too terrified and in too much pain to speak. He forced his eyes open and reached out to grab onto Castiel's arm.

"I've got you. Come on." Cas touched his forehead. There was a soft glow. The pain lessened, but only slightly. It didn't go away this time.

"S-Sammy..." Dean tightened his grip, trying to make sure Cas knew he needed to get to Sam.

"I know. He's right in the next room. We're almost there," Cas coaxed him along towards the room Sam was in.

Once he was able to get his bearings and steady himself, Dean shook free of Cas's grip and stumbled down the hall ahead of him.

"Dean? DEAN!" Sam was sitting up in the bed, clutching at the blankets and looking wildly around the room. When his eyes finally landed on his brother, he choked back a sob and reached out his arms.

Dean was there in a second, lifting him up from the bed and cradling the sobbing boy against his shoulder. The minute he touched him, the pain started to recede. He carded a hand through Sam's hair and squeezed the back of his neck.

"Sammy? Sammy, what's wrong? I'm here, I'm right here… shhh, shhhh…. Okay, buddy. C'mon...I've got you. What's the matter?"

Sam could barely answer him. Between shivering gulps of air, he managed to utter, "Don't…. hurts..."

"Sammy, what hurts? Shhh… did I hurt you? Sam?" Dean turned and looked desperately towards the angel, his eyes wide with fear and guilt. He was trying to hold Sam more gently now. "Cas? What happened? Did I hurt him?"

"No, Dean," Cas stepped forward and laid a hand on Sam's back. There was the glow again. "Sam.. deep breath, all right? That's it. Dean is right here. He will always be here." Cas rubbed his hand back and forth across Sam's shoulders.

"Cas…" Dean looked pleadingly at him.

"He's all right. While he is healing it's best to stay physically close to him. At least where he can see you. As I was telling you, his soul is trying to stay connected to you, but because of the damage, he can't maintain the contact. We probably should have stayed in the room with him."

Dean's eyes shut tightly then as guilt washed over him. "So, I did hurt hm. Sammy," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Dean-" Cas interjected.

"Don't." Dean warned in a low growl.

"The connection is faint and intermittent right now," Cas continued, silently acknowledging Dean's refusal to be absolved of his guilt. "It comes and goes as it heals. For soulmates, this can be terrifying and painful. Since the damage to your soul was not quite as extensive as Sam's, you're not feeling the effects as intensely. When the connection is broken for Sam, he needs to be able to see or touch you or your absence will be very hard for him to deal with."

"Why is… "our connection" broken at all? What do you mean?" Dean was shaken by the idea that whatever Sam was going through was worse that what he'd just experienced. He stood in the middle of the room, holding Sam against his shoulder, alternating between questions to Cas and comforting his brother. Sam was taking in shaky, uneven breaths, as he clung to Dean's neck. "Okay, okay, buddy, I'm here now, all right? I promise I'll stay right beside you from now on, okay? I'm so sorry, kiddo."

"Your connection was weakened at the time of your final death. The Hell scars are preventing immediate healing." Castiel struggled to find an analogy that might make sense. "It's like a… bad connection between phones that might cut in and out. It breaks and reconnects, fades in and out. It will do so until it heals."

Dean looked at him, horrified as he let this sink in. "Are you telling me he lived like this on Earth? After I was gone?"

"No," Castiel shook his head. He found himself feeling almost desperate for Dean to be able to understand everything all at once, even though he knew that wasn't possible, or even in his best interest. But something inside him was starting to falter. Maybe he should talk to Jack… see if there was a way to bypass the healing process- No. No, this was just his Winchester weakness taking over. Again. I am an angel of the Lord, he reminded himself in exasperation. I am here to serve them and protect them, not to give in to their doubts and fears. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.. "This was one of those things that the soul keeps shielded from its full intensity. Sam carried it like everything else. He was able to have a good life, Dean. He never lost the pain of losing you, but he was able to carry it."

"Why can't he carry it now?" Dean was yelling without even raising his voice. "What is happening to him?"

"He's not carrying it, he's releasing it. You are not meant to carry pain in heaven, you have to let go. This is a process of letting go. A difficult one, but a process that will have an end."

Dean's eyes were wet now as he regarded the angel with renewed suspicion.

"Dean, this is a lot for you to understand right now," Castiel said softly, understanding that Dean was tired and terrified and nothing he could do right now would really help other than leaving the brothers alone to rest . Leave it to the Winchesters to reduce an angel of the Lord, restored now to his full level of power and glory, to a mass of frustration, worry and… if he was being honest, affection. He knew everything was going to be fine, but trying to explain it to the boys was proving to be draining and he found it to be increasingly upsetting to see them in such distress. He sighed."What you need to do right now is rest. You're exhausted. Sam is exhausted. Rest and we will talk more later."

Dean turned away from him then, closing his eyes, and pressing his nose against the top of Sam's head. "Just go, Cas. I just… I can't…"

"I know." Cas stood up and walked towards the door. "I'm just a call away."

And with that, he was gone.

Sam was still crying, but he was keeping as quiet as he could, trying to get himself under control.

Dean felt terrible. He was angry with Cas, he wasn't sure why. He was guilt ridden over having left Sam alone and every little tear that fell from those eyes was breaking his heart. "I'm here, buddy," he whispered gently as he crossed the room and closed the door, clicking the lock loud enough for Sam to hear it. They were alone in the quiet room again. Warm and safe, but Dean couldn't quite let his guard down.

"Why did you go?" Sam asked, his voice quivering. There was no accusation in his tone, just a sincere question, but it ripped right through Dean's heart anyway.

Dean leaned back to look at him. He pushed Sam's hair back and wiped away a stray tear. "I am so sorry, Sammy. I told you I'd be here and I wasn't." Dean shook his head. "I heard a noise in the kitchen and you were asleep. I didn't think I'd even be gone long enough for you to notice and I just wanted you to stay safe."

Sam lowered his eyebrows, looking crossly at Dean. "I want you to stay safe. You should have woken me up!"

Despite feeling like total crap, Dean was having a hard time keeping an amused smile off of his face right then. The words were all grown-up-Sam, but the face was 9 years old. "You're right," Dean agreed, finally. "I should have woken you up."

Sam wiped the last of the tears from his eyes and unsuccessfully stifled a yawn.

"Let's get you back to bed, huh?" Dean headed back towards the bed.

Sam's arms were around Dean's neck in an instant. "No!"

"You're so tired, buddy," Dean ran his hand over Sam's head as he sat on the edge of the bed. The truth was, Dean was tired, too. The pain had softened for the most part, but the whole experience had completely drained his energy.

"Dean," Sam pleaded, his voice quiet and on the verge of tears again.

"Sam," Dean pushed Sam back a bit to look at him. "Sammy, look at me. I will not leave this room again without you, okay?"

Sam ran his sleeve across his eyes and sniffed.

"Okay?" Dean asked again.

After a pause, Sam gave a reluctant nod.

Dean took him by the chin and waited until Sam met his eyes. "I promise. I'm so sorry, kiddo. I didn't know what that was doing to you. To us. I thought I was just outside the door, but I was worlds away to you, wasn't I? I get it now, Sam. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Sam looked doubtful for a moment, but then seemed to accept Dean's promise with another little downcast nod. And then he lifted his head, his expression changing from hurt to confused. "There's a kitchen?"

Dean shrugged. "I guess. I know, I don't get it either. Cas says everything is just like our old lives. Only no monsters."

Sam thought about that for a moment, but then something else occurred to him. "Hey, so what was the noise?"

Dean grinned slyly at him. "You'll never believe it. Someone came in through the doggy door and was wandering around inside the house."

Sam's looked at him, alarmed and then confused. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, not sure what to say.

Dean waited, knowing it would sink in, eventually.

"We have a..." And then Sam's eyes widened and his face lit up. "Miracle? He's here?"

"Yes!" Dean's smile matched Sam's. "Well, not at the moment, I guess he's at Mom and Dad's right now. Cas says we're not ready for visitors yet."

Sam's eyebrows lowered in an annoyed scowl that almost made Dean burst out laughing.

"Hey, I know," Dean chuckled and rubbed Sam's back. "I was a little pissed off too, but I think Cas is right. We're a little off our game right now, aren't we? Might not be the best time to have visitors."

Sam's scowl softened just a bit. He looked nervously at Dean. "Do you want to go to Mom and Dad's right now?"

"Sammy, there's no where I want to be but right here with you, okay?"

Sam dropped his gaze, but looked visibly relieved. And also very, very tired.

"How you feeling now? It doesn't hurt anymore, does it?" Dean asked.

"I'm okay. Just a little headache." Sam rubbed his eyes.

"I can call Cas to come back-"

"No." Sam shook his head and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck again. "Just want you," he mumbled sleepily into Dean's shoulder.

Dean smiled as a feeling of warmth filled him to his core.. "Yeah… me and you… that sounds like just what I need too. Let's try this nap thing again, huh?"

Sam sank a little deeper into Dean's shoulder and nodded, letting out a deep sigh. His energy was completely gone too, and he was fighting a losing battle with sleep.

"Okay," Dean whispered walking to the bed and pulling back the covers. He leaned forward and gently deposited his brother on the bed. "Lie down and scoot over."

But Sam was just about out cold. He tried to move, but only managed to tangle an arm in the sheets before he gave up. Dean grinned and carefully maneuvered him onto a pillow. he climbed over Sam to the other side of the bed where there was more room and slid beneath the blankets, feeling the sweet relief of lying down in a state of complete and utter exhaustion. He turned on his side so he was facing Sam. "It's all gonna be okay, you hear me? I don't know how long it's gonna take, but you're gonna feel better. We both are."

Sam opened his eyes just a tiny bit and Dean did what he did best. He put on his brave face for his little brother until that tiny flicker of hope passed across Sam's face before his eyelids closed again and he was fast asleep.

Dean lay there beside him, the fatigue washing over him, but he couldn't quite fall asleep. Some of the reality of their current situation was finally sinking in. He watched Sam for a moment, marveling again at the fact that his little brother was little again. The dark brown floppy hair was hanging over his closed eyes. Tiny hands gripped the covers. The depth of how much he really loved this kid was so intense. Sam's eyes opened then and caught Dean's gaze. He gave Dean a sleepy little smile, as though he could feel what Dean was thinking and then his eyes closed again and he burrowed deeper into the covers and closer to Dean. Dean wrapped an arm around him and closed his eyes, too tired to worry about anything beyond the present moment.