In a World Where You are Possible

by Keys 2 the Falcon

An AU that sends Han and Leia (and Chewie) into hiding and on a different path while fighting the Empire, unknown foes and bounty hunters. There will be trauma and stress along the way but also love and happiness. Sometimes the right choices take a bit of time to take hold.

14. Chapter 14

TW: This chapter contains descriptions of violence, bodily harm and imprisonment. It details childhood trauma and struggles with mental health.

A/N: This was a hard one to write. I hope it works. Please let me know and thanks for reading!

It was the kind of quiet she usually craved. Time to focus on work. A chance to organize her thoughts without too many distractions. But this quiet felt vast and never ending. The vista of stars didn't provide comfort or wonder but only a reminder that he could be anywhere.

Leia didn't want to go back to her assigned quarters. Think about their fight or the big bed. See him standing by the door, his thumb moving across her cheek. Instead she sent Threepio to pack her bag and bring it to her in the small office beside the bridge. She wanted to be close by when General Madine called in. They needed to act without any further delays.

Rebel agents confirmed the Imperials had nabbed Han. They kept him in a cell on Ilani for a few hours then took him off station, likely to one of three prisons within a day's journey. Madine and Rieekan were working through their contacts, searching for anyone who could provide an update.

It wasn't surprising that Rieekan responded so quickly. Over the years of working together, the Alderaanian General had developed genuine respect and admiration for the smuggler. Madine's reaction, however, was more unexpected. He had always been reserved around Han, almost suspicious of his fellow Corellian. But he assured Leia he took Han's capture seriously.

"Solo's still one of us even if he hasn't signed the papers."

She also suspected that Madine's involvement was a small window before moving on to other priorities.

The door swooshed open and Myka walked in.

"There you are!" He sounded almost chipper. "I thought your meetings ended long ago."

Rather than respond, she turned back to the datapad in her lap. It took her a second or two to remember to tap it back to life.

"It's awfully dark, don't you think?" He walked slowly toward her as his hands went behind his back. He was wearing his personal uniform, a grey suit and well-polished black shoes. "Should I find the lights?"

"No." She kept her eyes down. "I prefer the dark at the moment. It helps me concentrate."

She didn't want anyone looking too closely at her. The darkness masked the bags under her eyes. The furrow in her brow. Leia had thought she had nothing more to lose but how could she have been so wrong? Once again, she was immersed in the pain she tried so hard to avoid.

"Still no word on Solo?" Myka looked around the office, his eyes adjusting to the low light. "I stopped by the Falcon. I couldn't understand Chewbacca but he seemed quite distraught."

Chewbacca was losing his mind. She had to convince him to wait until they had more information, an idea of what direction to look in, but he thought they were wasting valuable time. He only agreed under one condition.

[I am leaving by morning if you haven't heard anything. I will go alone if necessary.]

"Of course he's upset!" She glared at Myka. The other advantage to sitting in the office was avoiding people who didn't know when to keep their idiotic comments to themselves. Or who thought she wouldn't notice their side-glances or judgmental looks. "They've been together for years. They're family."

The only family Han had. Other than her and Luke and she wasn't sure Han would want to claim her as such after that last morning.

"It was only an observation, Leia." His voice was placating, like she needed to calm down. "It's all understandable. I certainly don't question Chewbacca for being agitated."

Agitated. That was exactly the kind of idiotic comment she hoped to avoid.

Chewie didn't blame her for Han's disappearance and she didn't know why. She made the call to leave Ilani when she should have checked with Chewie on the other ship. She didn't do her due diligence before taking off.

[He gave you the clearance to leave. Said he was getting on the ship when he wasn't.]

Chewie was clearly in pain and she was asking him to comfort her.

[We have to trust each other in the field. I don't know if he lied or over-estimated his chances but that's not your fault.]

Leia protested. If she had done her job, finished the mission properly and accounted for all the team members when they returned to the cruiser, they would be hours ahead. Maybe they could have intercepted the Imperial transport before it left Ilani with Han.

[There were other things you needed to attend to. That's your job. The important thing is that we don't waste time now.]

She argued with Chewie because she didn't know what else to do. They were in a holding pattern, waiting for more information, waiting for Luke. She fought with him because she couldn't fight with Han.

Leia pointed out if the situation was reversed and she was expected on the second shuttle, Han would have been waiting for her to land. He would have known immediately that wasn't on board.

"He would have figured it out right away." She refused to cry. Worked to keep her voice from cracking. She had already experienced an impossible level of grief and guilt but this felt like something else. More. "I let him down."

Chewbacca released a slow breath. [You didn't let him down.]

"We had a huge fight." They were alone in the office but she stood close to Chewbacca like she needed him for cover. Hiding behind his huge frame. Seeking safety in his presence. "I said things. I didn't…"

She couldn't talk to Chewie about this. Not when he was already burdened with his own worry and guilt. Not when she hadn't voiced it to Han.

Or herself. The words were stuck in her throat. Half of her wanted to push them back down, continue to bury them beneath her anger and pain, sense of duty. The other half desperately wanted to free them if only she could identify the words she needed.

[If you want things to be different, then make them different.] Chewie sounded frustrated but wasn't dismissive. [He loves you as you are. He's accepted that the Rebellion is always your priority.]

She looked down at her hands, trying to center herself, clear her head, but it wasn't enough. Maybe she misheard. Maybe he meant like a good friend. She tried to picture Han tapping a finger over his heart, reminding her to breath..

"Did he tell you that?" She barely glanced up from her hands. She was almost embarrassed to look at him. Her voice not much above a whisper.

Chewie sighed. She didn't doubt his devotion to his found family but he definitely found them exasperating at times.

[He told you.] Chewie spoke in a low rumble. [If that surprises you, you chose not to listen.]

Myka sat down in the chair beside Leia. He looked ready to settle in for an evening of stargazing.

"I told Chewbacca they could keep the prototype."

She looked at Myka with raised eyebrows. "I thought you were anxious to have it back?"

"I was concerned it was being sold where I didn't want it sold." He crossed his legs and rested his hands in his lap. "I was thinking of the Falcon when I designed the piece so it seems only right they should have it."

"That's very generous of you."

He tapped the side of his head and smiled. "I can design another one."

Myka said it with a note of confidence, maybe a touch of arrogance, and she liked seeing it. It was rare for him act or express anything outside the wishes and plans of his father.

"I'm sure Captain Solo will be pleased when he returns."

Leia dropped the datapad on the table in front of her a bit louder than intended. There was no new information and she felt useless, continually refreshing for messages that weren't coming. There was other work to do, Mon was waiting for her report on Hoth preparations, she should get started on the supply lists, but she couldn't concentrate.

For the first few hours after Chewie gave her the news, she yelled. Orders, questions, demands. Dismissed Galadotte from the office if she wasn't going to be helpful. Avoided eye contact as much as possible with everyone on the bridge. She didn't want to know if they laid any blame on her, passed any judgement on how she was reacting. She needed to keep control of her emotions so she could get the job done. Told herself it was like any other complication they faced. She should be used to it by now. They all should be.

The office door opened again and Cyn entered. Leia, despite putting on the calm façade for Myka, pounced.

"Have we heard from Luke?" Leia sounded angry, like she didn't have time for this conversation.

She remembered how she was after Alderaan. Everything was conflict, an affront. Everyone an obstacle. Nothing moved fast enough for her and remaining still, sleeping even, only delayed what needed to be done. She worried that if Han didn't come back, she would only have this immense pain, this weight, that threatened to flatten her.

Cyn shook her head and put a mug on the table beside Leia.

"We're sending the signal out at regular intervals. If he gets the message, it shouldn't take him long to get here."

Was it strange that she and Cyn had never acknowledged that Leia was the person Cyn and friends were discussing? Corporal Lauza tried for a few knowing nudges that Leia ignored but Cyn made no reference to that overhead conversation or of Han and Leia being together. Leia sometimes wondered if Cyn thought Leia was in the dark about Cyn and Han's involvement. Or if Leia was suspicious of the Lieutenant.

She wasn't. Once she was over the initial shock, Leia felt little need to concern herself with that topic and never out of jealousy or insecurity. She had doubts, sometimes many of them, but not about Han's fidelity.

Leia tapped the mug, quickly assessing it was too hot to hold. She wrapped her hand around it anyway.

"We might not be able to wait." Leia counted to five, maintaining her grasp on the mug. "We'll need to move as soon as we know where they've taken him."

Assuming they received information. Their contacts might not have anything. Han might be gone. Disappeared into Imperial prisons, or worse, and it could take weeks or months to learn anything. If they were lucky.

They still had Chewie's plan. Well, not a plan exactly, but she could trust him as he trusted her. He listened to her because she was the level-headed one. Weighed all the options. Considered all sides and every outcome. Rational. Distant. Unemotional.

"Leia." Cyn caught her eye. "Let me get you something to eat."

"No." Leia shook her head. She let go of the mug. "Thank you, though."

Eating seemed like an impossible task. Like one more ridiculous thing that was expected of her. She had breakfast before they left for Ilani. Sat with Myka in the dining room, listening to him talk. Something about his prototype and design plans, Pynterra, his father. Her mind was on the mission. The tight window and getting a good price for the datachip. Her eyes were on Han. He was slouched in his seat, arms folded over his chest. Everyone else at his table was talking, Wes was in fine form, but he didn't take part. And he didn't look at her.

"I think General Galadotte is anxious to leave." Cyn stepped to one of the monitors. She scanned through star system images. "Something about getting the cruiser back to its rightful owner."

Leia noticed Myka glancing toward Cyn, watching as she leaned over the monitor. Is Myka checking Cyn out? Leia wished Han or Luke were there to confirm what she just saw.

"We have the Falcon. You have transport back to base." Leia sipped her tea. It was mint. Designed to sooth her stomach, give her a boost of energy. "Galadotte can leave anytime she wants."

Cyn turned off the monitor and looked at Leia again.

"You do know that we're all with you." It wasn't a question. "We're all here to help get Solo back. Whatever it takes."

"Thank you, Lt. Onorux." Leia nodded. "But I have to consider that you and the others are needed on base. Rieekan knows what's happened but work and missions are still waiting."

"I appreciate that but we all care what happens to Solo. And Chewbacca." Cyn allowed for a brief pause. "And you. We can talk when you know more but we're here to do whatever needs doing."

Leia nodded again, gave a small smile as Cyn walked back out.

"I think you should consider coming to Pynterra."

"Excuse me?" She blinked a few times before looking at Myka. She hadn't forgotten he was there but still confused by his voice. "Go to Pynterra? When?"

"I understand you will want to know the Solo situation is resolved but perhaps after." Myka had turned his chair to face her. "Any time really. We could fly you in quietly. Stay at our chalet in the mountains."

Leia knew the chalet. She and her father visited when she was about fourteen. She worked as Bail's assistant as he and Lord Pynjahn worked on a trade deal but she had some time to herself. To walk in the woods. Read her book by the cold mountain lake. Perfect and serene. It reminded her of home then. It would be as close to Alderaan, including memories of her father, as she could be now.

"I don't have time for a vacation." She put the mug down and stood up. She didn't want to leave the sanctuary of this office but she didn't have the patience for this conversation either. "That's not how this works."

"Consider it some time for respite then." He was showing concern and it was only making her more angry. "It would be nice to reconnect."

"Reconnect."

"Father said a visit with King Jahn could likely be arranged." Myka returned his gaze to the stars. He was rocking slightly back and forth in his chair, looking relaxed. "He wouldn't come up to the chalet, of course, but something could be arranged."

Myka was at the chalet for that visit, too. He was in his first year at university, deep in his studies and had no interest in their fathers' work or the doings of a young princess. She remembered him at meals, speaking only when his father asked him a question. A year or so later, when she and her father returned to Pynterra, Leia was almost surprised he could speak in full sentences.

"I'm going to make a wild guess that your father suggested I visit. That we go to the chalet."

"He did bring it up." Myka shrugged. "I'd considered it, of course, but didn't think it possible. I know how devoted you are to the cause. When my prototype was stolen, and General Galadotte said she could take care of it, Father suggested I accompany the mission and invite you back."

"That's not going to happen, Myka." She shook her head and bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from swearing.

"No one is suggesting you abandon your post."

But I would.

Leia turned away. Drew in a deep breath, trying to calm her suddenly fast beating heart.

No. That wasn't true. She wouldn't abandon her post. Thinking she would abandon the fight for even a short while was an emotional flashback to Alderaan. A resurgence of her grief. Her nightmares were filled with images of losing her home, on repeat, and left her asking what she would have done to save it. This was transference. She couldn't save Alderaan, wished she could have done more, and this was her chance to do something.

[He loves you as you are.]

"Do you intend on going with Chewbacca? And Luke if he arrives in time."

"Yes." She was still looking the other way, away from the viewport and stars. Away from the monitors and comms controls. "I'm going."

She had never shied away from hard work or danger. If something needed doing, she did it. Never thought it was someone else's job because she held a higher social seat than most. In fact, her status meant she should be the one.

Her first solo humanitarian missions as a teenager took her into war zones and refugee camps. Her ships engaged in battle with Imperial vessels. She knew how to fire a blaster and was perfectly comfortable doing so even before she went to the Senate. Her parents were always concerned for her safety, and it took some time for them to accept she was going to put herself in danger at regular intervals, but trusted her. In the end, it was her father who sent her to Tatooine and, inadvertently, into the hands of the Empire.

It was the same with Luke and Han. They might worry about her safety but they never tried to stop her from participating. Han, in particular, argued about the details but it was never a case of her not being capable. They never treated her as something fragile that needed protecting. From their first encounter when they dropped into the garbage chute, it was understood she got just as dirty as the rest of them. The only difference after she and Han started sleeping together was a knowing look he gave her before jumping into the fray.

A knowing look they shared. A focal point before everything potentially shifted again.

"I must admit that I find you something of a mystery." Myka's tone was light, almost a chuckle. "I think about that young woman, girl, at her father's side, arguing politics. You were always dressed in the finest outfits. Hair elaborately done. You looked like you stepped out of a fairy tale or the Elder House registry but knew everything about agricultural and mining losses on Lothol and statistics on refugee trafficking."

"I'm not sure how my wardrobe, something that came with my privilege and position, would negate my ability to read and understand the influence and negligence of government. Especially as being aware and involved in the machinations of government also came with my privilege and position."

Leia missed her wardrobe sometimes. It was one of the few ways she could allow herself to have fun. Dress up, find the right boots to wear, find a piece of jewelry that felt unique and not as staid as the worlds she lived and worked in. She missed having the time to work her hair into elaborate braids and styles. Having her mother sit with her, talking about everything and nothing, as Leia tied up or pulled down her long locks.

Sometimes in her dreams, Leia could still feel Breha brush out her hair. She lumped it in with nightmares for that first while. Unable to decern a connection from dissolution. Years later, it was a good memory. A dream she welcomed whenever it arrived.

"I stand corrected." Myka laughed. He was enjoying himself. Did he think this was a pleasant conversation? "It's still difficult to place that fourteen-year-old, or even when we first spent any real time together, next to the woman who carries a blaster and goes on undercover missions."

"I was going on undercover missions back then, too." She had changed, she knew that, but was still the same person at an essential level. Wasn't she? "You not noticing only proves I was very good at my job."

Leia was hit by the idea that if Han didn't return she wouldn't know how their book ended. Yet another detective novel, one in a series that took place in the lower levels of Coruscant and always involved a young pretty blond who had difficulty keeping her clothes on whenever the private investigator was in her vicinity. Leia groaned, almost with embarrassment, every time Han recited the lines about heaving breasts and plunging necklines. She would never read that book on her own. She would never finish it without him. It didn't mean anything without Han matching her groan with a gruff whisper he knew made her shiver.

"I think Father is quite concerned about your safety." Myka looked out the viewport again. "He mentions you often. Thinks your parents would prefer you were settled and safe. Though, I suppose we all have different definitions of settled. Or safe."

Leia could still hide in the darkness if she wanted but decided she was done with that particular maneuver.

"Myka, I'm going to tell you something I consider private information and, while there are others who know, it is not public knowledge. I am telling you this because we are friends." She didn't know if she believed that bit but it seemed like a smart thing to include. "Captain Solo and I are together."

"Together?" He pronounced it like two words. To. Gether.

"Together."

She assumed Myka was aware of his father's plans, though she doubted he had any idea about his father's attempts at blackmail. She could have asked a few preliminary questions to gauge the situation and Myka's involvement but it felt like too much time had already been wasted.

"I see." He nodded a few times, probably more out of habit than anything else. "Is this a new development?"

"No."

"I'm sorry." He held up a hand and laughed. "That was none of my business."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier." She relaxed slightly, resting her hip against the table. "We wanted to keep it private for many reasons and I've been rather dogmatic about it."

"Captain Solo doesn't feel the same?"

"He likes his privacy." She pushed the hair off her face though nothing was out of place. "But we've kept it mostly quiet this long because of me."

Han said he had to deal with a lot of shit and maybe that was true. She was willing to reset some boundaries but never let him forget that the rules existed. There was the space they shared together and everything else. She wasn't ashamed of it or him so why was she still so determined to separate one from the other?

"Well, I don't know Solo." Myka smiled at Leia. "But he is intriguing."

Leia surprised herself by returning the smile. "He is that. Infuriating at times but definitely intriguing."

"I know he doesn't have much time for me but I can see the appeal." He laughed when she raised an eyebrow. "It's about the ship, I swear."

"Noted." She pushed herself off the table. She felt restless. The wait was getting to her. "I'll consider that fair warning if you run into each other again."

If. Leia didn't want to think in ifs. This is where hope came in. Hope and determination. Those were her two stalwart strengths. She needed to stay on that course.

Once they had something of a plan in place, she needed to contact High Command. Mon, in particular. They needed to know she was unavailable and she didn't know for how long. And if they ran into dead-ends and false leads, High Command needed to know she would go out again. She would continue to look until they found Han. Returned him to his ship and friends. To her.

She turned to Myka when she heard him shift in his chair. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on the chair arms.

"Are you saying this impacts the proposed arrangement? Because I don't see how one affects the other." Myka looked like he had a very important point to make. "I'm sure father will be of the same opinion."

This is what she couldn't explain to Han. Why it was so easy to separate the discussion of an arranged marriage for political gain from her active life. It was like negotiating the sale of a speeder. Emotions did not factor in.

"Why does your father want to make this deal?" She crossed her arms over her chest. Cocked her hip to the side. "Marrying his son off to a rebel princess without a planet isn't a rock solid political move. I'm sure he could find a more beneficial match."

Myka gave a half-shrug.

"You're still the Princess of Alderaan. I realize that's rather complicated at the moment but, assuming you win the war, it won't always be. There's always a certain, let's call it cachet, that he appreciates."

Leia noted that he didn't say the Last Princess of Alderaan.

"And I think he wants to honor your father. It's what the Viceroy wanted, after all."

It's what his father told him and it never occurred to Myka to question anything his father said. There were no arguments in the Pynjahn household, not even pleasant disagreements. Lord Pynjahn's word was the only one that mattered.

Myka's older brothers, both married with children and employed by the family company, modelled themselves on their father and were stuck in his immense shadow. Bail used to laugh about one of them carrying a small notepad to record everything his father said. Breha thought Bail shouldn't be cruel, the young man was clearly desperate for Pynjahn's approval, but Leia noticed her mother's small smile as Bail continued to joke.

"Actually, I have it on good authority that my father was quite relieved when I didn't want to pursue that option further."

For a brief moment, Myka looked shocked, doubtful, but quickly recovered. He leaned back in his chair looking relaxed, quickly reordering the information so it all felt comfortable and familiar again.

"It always seemed like a good match to me. We both have our own interests and could easily pursue them. It seems ideal under the circumstances."

"I'm not sure I would call rebellion an interest."

"Let's call it an interest in politics then."

He felt confident in his assertions. This was true because his father told him it was so. He could push aside all other questions and concerns and focus on his father's version.

"I'm not going to marry you, Myka."

His brow furrowed then straightened out. He didn't expect so direct a rejection.

"This will sound crude, I know." He rested his clasped hands in his lap. "But, as you already pointed out, there might not be more options for you."

"I have no intention of entering any arranged marriage."

Her parents had an arranged marriage and it worked for them. It worked for many beings. But it wasn't going to be her fate. She knew the alternative and didn't want to go back. What was it that Reverend Saunyoc said? Choosing a life could an act of defiance.

"Is this about Solo?" Myka didn't sound angry. Maybe a touch irritated. Certainly confused. "I understand that your circumstances have changed significantly in the past few years, and I certainly can't pretend to understand what life is like in the midst of war, but this seems somewhat drastic. How much do you know about him?"

Leia refrained from laughing. She knew so little it had become a joke between them. Well, a joke when they weren't having a fight about arranged marriages and crime lord ex-girlfriends. In fact, she had resorted to making things up to fill in the gaps. Like he came from a circus family, the youngest of ten children. Han's specialty being the high wire but he performed the knife throwing act on occasion.

"You were forced to leave Corellia when the authorities connected the abundance of home burglaries that happened every time the troupe came through town."

Han lifted his head from his pillow, examined her with half open eyes as she tried to keep a straight face. "Ten kids, huh? Was the name Solo ironic?"

"Hmmm." She thought about that for a moment. "Maybe it was an attempt at misdirection. How could one family be responsible for so many crimes at once? Their name is Solo!"

She actually did try some sleuthing to learn his birthday but every official document she discovered had a different date. She asked Chewie but he was no help, claiming he didn't know.

So she picked a day. Surprised him while on mission, walking into his cabin and announcing she had declared it his birthday. When his defenses went up, growling he didn't do birthdays, she dropped her shirt to reveal strategically placed ribbons around her breasts and hips.

"If you want to unwrap your present, you have to admit today is your birthday."

He released a far more enticing growl as he pulled her on to the bunk. "Fuck, yeah, it's my birthday."

Myka was staring at her, eyebrow raised, obviously confused by her smile.

She was hit with a wave. A warm sense of confidence. More integral than belief. She knew Han was alive. Somehow knew she would sense if he died. He was in trouble, maybe pain, but he was alive.

"Leia, I think you should think this through. You won't always be at war. Consider where you want to be if you can defeat the Empire. Who knows what crimes he has committed? He probably doesn't remember them all."

How did she not notice this feeling earlier? Until she felt the need to defend her choices, she hadn't realized she was no longer fractured. She was so busy being busy, exhausted and worried and pulled in a dozen directions at once, but she wasn't running on the fumes of hope. She was supported and trusted and loved. Leia knew she would get up and continue to fight the next day no matter what. And she knew she had the strength to hold on and believe in that tomorrow because she wasn't alone.

Han had seen her at her worst, had been on the receiving end of some of the worst things she'd thrown out in the midst of her anger and pain, but saw her whole, her center, and accepted it all. He didn't want her to be perfect, an icon, an emblem. He wanted all the pieces, messy or neat. He loved her despite and because of everything.

"I don't need to know where he comes from to know who he is."

Leia took a small step toward Myka. It proved she had no worries about Myka and it added a nice dose of dramatic effect.

"And I don't need your opinion about who I choose to spend time with."

"I didn't mean to upset you, Leia."

"You haven't upset me." She smiled and it was a genuine smile. This conversation no longer weighed on her. "Honestly, I don't think you could upset me. Not at this point."

She wasn't impervious to pain. Emotional distress was her middle name. But Myka wasn't a part of it.

"And I want you to know that I am not with Captain Solo out of convenience. I'm not entirely sure why he's with me but I am grateful, happy, that he made that choice." She paused. Took a deep breath. "Makes that choice."

Myka jumped as the comms unit came to life but Leia calmly turned like she was expecting it all along.

[Princess! Skywalker's here.]

She quickly hit the button to reply. "On my way."

Myka looked confused as she grabbed her datapad and started for the door. She palmed it open and looked back at him.

"No hard feelings." She cocked her head. "I hope."

Myka slowly shook his head.

By the time the door closed behind her, she was already running at top speed toward the hanger.

He sat up, very slowly. Leaned against the wall with his legs stretched out in front of him. It was dark but he knew his feet almost touched the opposite side.

He should stand up. Walk around. Keep moving.

In a couple of minutes.

He just needed a couple more minutes.

Han didn't think anything was broken. Maybe a couple of ribs. His collarbone felt off. His left forearm was a bit messy. He wouldn't answer Ul, gave him the finger instead, and Ul had one of his men use the baton on his arm. Maybe not Han's smartest move considering he didn't hold many cards in this situation but worth it to see Ul's pissed off look.

Han laughed, smiled, and immediately regretted it. The cut on his lip split again and he tasted blood.

He regretted the smile not giving Ul the finger.

The heist was easy. Myka's friend was an amateur. Practically handed them the model as soon as Han pulled his blaster. Seemed grateful they only wanted to tie him to a chair. Han was feeling pretty good as they made their way out. Almost forgot the simple thrill of getting away with something. Everything carried so much weight these days.

Han hadn't seen Ul since being knocked down from pilot to infantry but he and Chewie rounded a corner and there he was. Standing maybe twenty feet away and all dressed up in his Imperial finest, a pressed uniform with Colonel bars, and a group of Stormtroopers gathered around him.

He laughed at first cos Ul was so recognizable. Hadn't changed much in more than a decade. Still puffed up chest and trying to look important, talking a bit too loud so everyone would notice him. Han stopped laughing when he realized Ul was talking about Leia. Didn't know it was her but knew Rebels were nearby and that data had exchanged hands.

Han sent Chewie back with the model and headed to Leia's hanger. In the end, he only had time to warn her over comms while knocking back the troopers that arrived right after him. Told her he was almost back at his ship so she'd take off.

Thing was, Ul must have recognized him in the corridor. He was waiting for him when he left the hanger. Han was quickly surrounded as Ul put out a call to hold all ships in port. Han tapped out a message to Chewie, told him he was with Leia, then crushed the device beneath his heel.

Han heard the gate slide open then lock shut again. It was thirty or so feet to the right of his cell. Voices, two or three guards were walking down the corridor. Shift change. One of the only ways he could measure time. Thought it likely a shift was eight hours and he'd counted ten switch-ups since he'd been there so it was at least three days. Hard to say how much time passed when he was in the interrogation room, though. Time moved differently in there.

His ribs were definitely broken. There was a rush of pain with every breath. He might have slept too long. Too much time in the dark cell. It was part of Ul's strategy. Dark cell, bright interrogation room, trying to confuse him with the contrast and lack of order.

He needed to keep on top of things but it was getting harder to hold on. Hard to stay in control, pay attention to everything around him. So far, he was doing a good job of knocking Ul off his game, it was still damn easy to rattle the guy, but the time in his cell was getting trickier.

He woke up earlier thinking he was at the Hutt's. Thought he'd passed out after a party and was actually relieved he was alone. Had to play everything over in his head to make sure he didn't do anything too stupid. Thought the intense pain in his chest was guilt thinking he'd done something to jeopardize his relationship with Leia. Then remembered he was in an Imperial prison and the pain was more likely caused by internal injuries.

He spent a couple nights in the brig when he was in the Academy. Did a short stretch on Nar Shaddaa but that was mistaken identity. He was guilty but not for the crime they threw him in for.

Agi got him out. Found the witnesses. Dragged them to the court house. Produced all the evidence the authorities couldn't be bothered to find.

Aginna. He felt some guilt about that one. He made no promises but she thought he'd come around. Want to stick around and make a life with her. She was sweet. Always waiting for him when he came back through. Place to stay. Home cooked meals. Anything he wanted, any time.

Yeah, he felt guilty about that one.

He needed to stay alert. Be aware of everything around him so he could take advantage of an opening. Chewie would come looking for him. Maybe he'd be able to rustle up some good will. He could pay. Chewie knew how to access Han's portion of the credits they'd pulled in since working for the Rebellion. It was a good chunk. Maybe not enough to pay off the Hutt considering how much interest was piled on top but more than enough to hire some quality help. But figuring out where the Imps were holding him would take a while. The Wookiee was determined but breaking into an Imperial holding station wouldn't be easy. It was better if Han found the opening, got out and found the Wookiee. He just needed to keep his head in order. Not drift off in pain or dreams, memories floating to the surface.

He was grabbing at whatever thread was there and sometimes Jaina was at the other end. Pulling him in all directions. Remembering when he'd worked so hard to forget.

Han shifted to sit up straighter and was hit with a rush of pain. His ribs. His back. One of his legs was seizing. He let out his breath in a slow hiss, hoping the pain would go with it.

Standing sounded like a terrible idea but he'd feel better once he was moving. Getting there might be tricky, though.

The pain was excruciating. He used the wall for support since one arm was fairly useless and it felt like he was being stabbed in his lungs. He needed to move. He needed to be ready if any opportunity arose.

He started going through his repair list on the Falcon. The next upgrades and modifications. Most thought the Falcon needing constant attention was a downside but it was one of the things he loved about her. He felt connected to his ship. His home. By this point, the Falcon was of his own making. He was proud of what he had created. Him and Chewie. It was about more than getting from one place to the next or a means to make money. She sustained him as much as he kept her going.

It was a Jaina thing. She thought there was always a way to make something better. Something to learn in figuring it out. He ruined a lot of appliances they didn't have the credits to replace experimenting. He was obsessed with making a remote controlled ship. Talked about it endlessly. Spent every meal for months discussing his plans. She asked questions, found him parts somehow and let him muddle and fail and figure things out bit by bit.

He was furious when he found out she knew how to do it. She'd gone to school for it. Didn't graduate but she did some of the classes. She could've helped him out. He could've had a remote all that time.

"I want you to discover the world, Han. If I tell you how something's done, you're going to think it's the right or only way."

He hated thinking about Jaina. Her voice that had a throaty lilt when she was happy. How she could never keep her hands still when telling a story. How she always asked questions even when she already knew the answers. It never did him any good. Always left him in a foul mood and wanting a drink, many drinks, and a way to push everything back again. Thinking about Jaina served no purpose. It only reminded him that she was gone.

He had to use the wall for support the first few steps. Muttered fuck a few times as he got going.

Chewie would be losing his mind. The Wookiee felt responsible for him in ways that Han didn't understand except that he did because he would do anything for Chewie.

He didn't know what to do with the Wookiee at first. Thought maybe they'd pull a few jobs together than go their separate ways. That's how it worked. There was always going to be something better. But it was an easy fit. They irritated the hell out of each other sometimes but there was never a time when he didn't think Chewie would be right where he needed him. After so many years of living on the streets and with the Worms where even your closest companions would stab you in the back for piece of bread, it seemed like an implausible thing.

Well, implausible until they went to Kashyyyk. They worked on a different level there. Loyalty meant survival. You couldn't do it on your own. Han figured he'd spend the visit waiting it out while Chewie did his bonding but the Wookiees had other ideas. If Chewbacca took in Han as one of his own then he belonged to all of them.

He wasn't entirely comfortable so he mostly stuck to the hut with Malla but he also didn't hate it. There were times when he and Jaina were surrounded by beings, she collected damaged souls even though she couldn't always hold on to them, but it was mostly just the two of them. Same with him and Bets, though even that didn't last too long. Probably a few months but who knows. Still, considering he spent most of his life wondering who might try to rob or shoot him anytime he walked into a room, turns out he enjoyed the warm Wookiee welcome more than expected.

He was right about the walking. It hurt like hell but the pain subsided once he got going.

For the first day or so, maybe longer, he kept focus by counting his steps but there was only so many times he could count to fifteen. Now he focused on the act of walking. One leg was dragging a bit and he concentrated on lifting it off the floor. Pictured the arc of his step, the rise and fall. After a few back-and-forths in the cell, it felt like a fluid motion. Either it was getting a bit easier with each step or he was getting better at dealing with the pain.

He should have said a proper goodbye.

Why couldn't he figure that shit out?

He let his pride take over or told himself it was the next thing that mattered. He had a right to be pissed off, which wasn't something he could often claim, but he could see she was torn up. Trying to be all the Leias at once, thinking that none of them would ever be enough.

He could've given her the signal. Or done something to admit that every mission was dangerous in some way and you never really knew when you were seeing someone for the last time. Instead he acted like he didn't give a shit and if she didn't want Myka to know anything about them then that's what he'd give her.

He should've known better but he wasn't used to caring. Didn't know how to navigate it. Was always at war with himself about how much he needed her, wanted to be around her, versus letting her know that truth. Half the time he thought there was no way she couldn't see deep inside him, every thought and feeling. The rest of the time he kept the lock on tight. Kept the focus on her. Worked it so she didn't look too hard his way, except for all those ways he wanted her to see nothing but him.

Being with Leia was simultaneously the most natural and most confusing thing he had ever engaged in.

Chewie had taken to calling her his girlfriend. [Your girlfriend's looking for you.] [Your girlfriend doesn't like that kind of tea.] It pissed Han off, which only made Chewie do it more.

[You trying to tell me nothing's going on?]

"I'm saying girlfriend's a dumb thing to say. I don't have girlfriends." He hadn't even called Q'ira his girlfriend and they were actual kids. "Besides, I got a problem with your mocking tone."

[Your problem is you're trying to take care of someone who doesn't want to be taken care of.]

His hand ran along the wall as he walked. It also helped him maintain balance since making his way in the dark was still a bit of a struggle. Not that having lights would help much. One eye was almost completely swollen shut and the other wasn't doing much better. He'd made it worse for himself by mocking Ul, asking if he was too much of a coward to fight his own battles as Ul ordered his goon to go in for more. Han was probably losing this game but he didn't know how to stop playing. He wasn't going to give into that prick.

Han made a couple of rookie mistakes during his first serious beat down. First off, he told the guy he was going to punch him. Second, he said it in front of all the guy's friends. They were all older, bigger. Han didn't consider that he might need backup.

Jaina had shown up when they were all outside. Stressed about something. His lunch maybe. That he didn't have one or didn't have a good one. That part was hazy. She paced the fence, calling to him like she was being subtle, instead of this nervous beacon that drew the attention of every kid in the yard.

He wasn't embarrassed. Didn't care what anyone else thought. She came to find him cos she was worried about something and sometimes they only had each other and that's how it worked. Didn't mean he was going ignore anyone making fun of her, though.

He waited until end of day, confronted the guy in front of the school, and he was knocked to the ground in no time. Bloody nose and black eye. But he didn't stay down. Had to be pulled off the guy. Made the little shit cry.

He didn't tell Jaina the truth. Made up some excuse about some game that went awry. Spent a couple days wondering around the streets so she wouldn't know he was suspended.

"Fuck."

He didn't shake his head to clear it because that would cause a rush of pain. His voice was rough, craggy, but he didn't want to lose it. He needed to hear something even if it was only himself. Somehow felt less lonely.

"Hold it together."

He focused on his breathing, as shitty as it was. Focused on the sounds outside his cell. There were voices, doors opening, food being delivered. He focused on what he could do to make Ul's life hell, make him squirm in front of his men.

It was a cinch knocking someone like Ul down a peg or two. Ask if his daddy got him this job, too. Or if he ever figured out how to polish his boots on his own. Ul hated that Han came from nowhere and beat him at every exercise, every simulation, every woman they both made a play for. Han didn't mess around much with women then, not much more than flirting since he was still hung up on Q'ira, but he liked messing around with Ul. Liked seeing the rich prick blustering and whining. Liked embarrassing him in front of all his rich prick friends.

It was one of Ul's men who pegged Han as a Rebel. Han watched Ul's eyes get wide with excitement then filled with dread. He clearly recognized this as his big break and that left plenty of room to screw it up.

"Maybe you should ask your daddy what to do." Han had to spit out blood as he spoke. "He could probably put a good word in with your boss."

Ul tried to prove he could do this all on his own. That he was important and had all the connections. He called up his superior officer while in the interrogation room then had to cover when his Admiral looked irritated by the interruption. Han laughed at that one, too, and that's when they went to work on his ribs.

Something must've clicked as the news went up the ladder cos Vader himself showed up on holo. Asked the more relevant questions about who Han was and where they picked him up. When Ul said his ship was the Millennium Falcon, another bit of information that came courtesy of one of the troopers, Vader demanded a look.

Han tried sitting up straight, went for as much of a fuck you as he could manage under the circumstance, and found it unnerving that he couldn't read anything through that helmet and holo. Vader said he'd send further instructions soon.

"I need him alive, Colonel." Leia had described Vader's voice to Han after one of her nightmares. The breathing mechanism and voice modulator. He imagined this was only amplified over the holo. "Don't disappoint me. I'm sure you would prefer my gratitude over my wrath."

Han figured the only reason he got off with so few broken bones was Ul was afraid his men would go too far. He didn't want to deliver too damaged goods.

The guards stopped halfway down the corridor. He heard one of them shouting. Something about a commlink on the fritz. Han stopped his pacing to listen for any kind of reply. He heard muffled laughter instead. The guards starting walking again and he heard the door at the other end, close to the interrogation room, open and close.

Han got moving again. Kept his left arm tucked into his side and his right poised, ready to reach for the wall or brace his fall if he stumbled.

His wrists were bruised, some skin rubbed raw, from the binders. They'd only taken them off the last few times they dropped him back in. Likely thought they'd broken him down enough that he wouldn't cause problems.

He could still taste her. That was a good thing to focus on. The salty tang of sweat on her skin. Pressing his tongue against her neck. Against her pulse as she came down from her climax.

The heat radiating off her. The roll of her hips as she shimmied into place against him. The curves he knew by heart. The mole on her lower back that he traced circles around. Covered with his palm to hold her in place or remind her he was there.

Right there.

The scar on her thigh she got from falling out of a tree and refusing bacta because she didn't think all memories of pain or fear should be erased.

He'd asked her if she climbed the tree again and she laughed.

"What do you think?" She traced his jawline with a finger. "And I got higher the next time. It became one of my favorite hiding places."

Something slammed against his door but Han barely turned to look. He thought all the guards were gone from the corridor but he must have miscounted. It was hard to predict when everything sounded the same. He was too tired of all this shit.

He was so mad when she told him about Myka he could barely form words. Correction. When he asked about Myka cos she wasn't going to say a damn thing.

He wasn't jealous. He was way more concerned about Luke turning her head than Myka but he clearly wasn't paying attention to the right things. Like her thinking these deals didn't affect him in any way. Acting like they hadn't been together for almost a year. He knew there were no guarantees, nothing was certain, but he thought he and Leia had an understanding.

The Rebellion always came first. Fine. He didn't like that it ate her alive at times but knew there was no point in arguing. And even if he wasn't likely to admit it, he was with her in the fight. It was important. He knew he could make a difference.

He definitely didn't like all the rules she set but they worked for him sometimes too. Gave him room to do his own thing. He'd been alone most of his life and liked having space and time to himself. Of course, he also liked it even more when she was there to fill it.

It was the real thing. He wasn't imagining it. It wasn't his arrogance, which sure, could be a lot. It was real.

He was mad when he found out about Myka because somehow through it all—the sex and holo-calls and being together—he forgot that she could choose the other life. There was a whole other world for her if she wanted it. She didn't have Alderaan to return to or her family but if they won the war the rest of it was there. She could flip that switch and this was over.

He was mad that he let himself believe in something. In her. Then mad because he didn't want to cut his losses and run. He saw her in turmoil, trying to hold it all together and explain everything to him even though he knew most of it already, and wanted to make her feel safe and loved.

He thought about Leia's laugh. Her leaning back in that big bed and laughing as he stood over her. Put on the tough act, the manly man. In charge and commanding, demanding she follow his orders, and she couldn't stop laughing. Lifted her foot between his legs, brushing against his thighs, pressing up against his balls, urging him to get hard again.

"Hey, Baby."

It was a whisper. A wish. A promise.

He needed to hold on to this one. If he never saw her again, he'd have that. He'd keep that one on rotate so it didn't slip away.

He swallowed with some difficulty. His mouth was so dry.

He tried to remember the last time he had water. They were definitely holding back on the water.

It would explain being so light-headed. Why it felt like things were starting to spin. It was even more disorienting feeling like he was spinning in the darkness. No fixed point to latch on to.

Han tried to remember some crazy Luke story about people stuck out in the desert drinking their own urine. One of those stories the kid told with a straight face and since he had no ability to bluff must be true.

The Kid was probably on Kalmar now. Or maybe Han had been gone so long Luke was already back on base. How long did it take to explore some ruined temple? Han felt bad for Luke sometimes. The Kid put so much faith in the Force. His father's legacy. The few conversations he had with the old man before Vader took him out. Luke was going to be crushed when he figured out most of it was a lie.

Probably helped that Anakin was dead. Less chance to disappoint. There were good fathers out there, Leia lucked out, Chewie too, but the list was small in Han's experience.

His father was always going to come. Fix whatever was broken at that moment. Han heard it so many times it lost meaning. It was that or Sissy would take care of him. But he saw his father maybe a half dozen times, the man could barely stand looking at him, and Han had no idea who Sissy was. It was a just a name that Jaina threw around when her brain was spinning too fast and she'd run out of other solutions.

Somebody yelled. It was farther away. Not this corridor. Probably the interrogation room. These pens were designed so you could hear what was happening. They wanted you shitting yourself as you waited for your turn.

When Han realized Ul was worried about damaging Vader's prize, he made the most of it. Amused himself, as much as he could be amused, by getting Ul to talk.

Asked him what he'd been up to all these years.

If he had to do anything to get those Colonel bars or did daddy pay for them.

What ever happened to that redhead Ul liked so much. The one who was training for espionage work. Oh yeah. He remembered now. That was a fun night.

Did they let him anywhere near combat or keep him chained to a desk. Must be safer for everyone that way.

Can't be a good sign they dumped him on Ilani Station. That's pretty far away from any action. Maybe they didn't trust him with anything important. Figured he couldn't fuck things up too much watching over a bunch of low-lifes and thieves.

The troopers figured out what Han was doing but Ul was too full of himself to think he was being manipulated in any way. His men tried to dissuade Ul from responding to Han's taunts but gave up.

Han also realized the Imps didn't think any harm would come of it. As soon as Vader collected his prisoner, that would be it for Han.

He tried to keep his back straight as he walked even though every inch of his body demanded he curl up in a ball.

Try for more sleep. Enough to get him ready for the next round. What was one more fight? He was ready for a hundred more if that's what it took.

He'd get out of here. Find Chewie. Pay off Jabba. Somehow.

He'd find her again. He knew enough of the Rebel tactics, knew how to find enough bases. As long as someone working the comms on the base recognized the Falcon he'd get in. He'd find her.

Sitting was good. Would do him some good. His ribs weren't hurting so much anymore. Maybe he'd already moved past the pain.

What came after pain?

He put his back to the wall. Using his legs to brace him, holding his breath, Han slid to the floor.

Slowly let his breath out.

Closed his eyes. Maybe they were already closed. Maybe he'd been asleep this whole time.

It was dark and there was rain. He was late and running but it wasn't his fault.

Han pulled his arm closer. On instinct. It was swelling up. Tender. He used his other hand to hold it steady.

The yelling had stopped. He couldn't hear any of the other prisoners. The guards had moved on. He didn't have a sense how big the holding station was or if it was a part of something else.

He was late but it wasn't his fault. Nothing bad. Lost track of time or some dumb shit that kids do. The speeder took the corner too fast, drifted into the pedestrian walkway and he slid over the hood.

Han shifted against the wall, tried to get more comfortable. Or even vaguely comfortable. Lying down was an option but getting back up might not be.

When he got out he wanted a nerf steak. Some whiskey. A shower. Long. Hot.

He smiled. A long hot shower with Leia would be better. Another good one to keep on reserve.

He'd touched every part of her. Knew every inch. Seen her from every angle and every position they'd thought of so far. They'd fucked in the fresher dozens of times. But she wouldn't let him in the room when she used the sani. Claimed some things should remain a mystery.

Seemed like a ridiculous distinction to him but she wasn't going to budge and it made him laugh almost every time.

He spent countless hours trying to figure her out before he realized it wasn't possible. He might know her inside and out but she would always surprise him.

The door down to the left slid open and a guard moved quickly down the corridor. Han heard the static and crackle of a comms unit on overdrive. Angry voices transmitted from somewhere else on the station. He listened for more, a response, another part of the conversation, but it was hard to hold on. The thread was slipping.

He slid over the hood, landing on the other side, and bounced right back up. He was running at full speed again without even looking to see if the speeder stopped.

She was still asleep when he got home. His elbow was swelling up and hurt to move but he pulled out food, made them sandwiches because that seemed like the thing to make and he could do it with one hand.

Jaina came out of the bedroom, kissed the top of his head but didn't say much since it was one of those times when she didn't have much to say, and he kept his arm tucked close to his side.

She probably picked at her food, pulling the sandwich apart and pretending to eat, because that's what she did when she liked things dark and slept a lot. She asked him about his day because she always did.

They had a routine. Things they could depend on. They depended on each other. Precarious didn't mean unreliable. It only meant they didn't always know what came next.

He was good at the story part. Usually made her laugh. Acted out conversations and arguments and did all the voices. She'd rest her cheek in a palm, elbow on table, and listen.

He hated thinking about Jaina but he loved remembering her listening. She knew he was bullshitting half the time but played along. Or challenged him to take it further. He never thought he was fooling her. At least not by that point. Even when things were shit, it was hard to get anything past Jaina.

He wasn't sure where they lived then. Not their last apartment. Maybe the one before it. Maybe the one near the shipyards because it was loud. No. That wasn't the apartment. That was here. There was something happening outside his cell. He and Jaina lived near the shipyards before he started school and long before he slid over the hood of that speeder because it was dark and it was raining and he was late.

By morning his arm was swollen and black and blue. He figured he could get away, back to school no problem but she caught him. Noticed how he was holding his arm and almost dragged him out the door. She didn't even get dressed.

He was pleading with her, promising that he would go to the nurse at school and she'd give him sling and everything would be fine.

"You need more than a sling. Your arm's broken. You need a knitter."

They didn't have money for a knitter. Jaina hated medical centers. Hated medics and nurses and medical droids. They'd tried to take him from her when he was born. Her parents, people he'd never met and she had nothing good to say about, tried to make her stay in hospitals when she was younger but she refused. Got away. And now she was walking right back in because it was raining and Han was late and not paying attention.

The medical center was loud. Louder than he remembered. Closer than it should be.

When they got behind the curtain at the clinic, Jana tried to hold it in. He told her he'd be okay, he could talk to the doctor, she could wait outside, but she refused.

"I'm not leaving you alone. It doesn't work that way."

But he wasn't sure what way this one worked. It was new to him.

She answered the doctor's questions. Barely flinched but he could see her eyes. Knew it was using all her strength to keep it straight. Held his other hand a bit too hard as the droid and nurse worked the knitter and he made up something that happened at school. He told stories and jokes to distract everyone. The nurse laughed, said he was a charming young man, and they were let go with a small bottle of pills for him and a bill that Han was pretty sure never got paid.

There was light. More than a flicker passing in front of him. A sudden warmth. A presence.

They walked home and he was so pleased that it all worked out he hugged her, told her he was proud of her, and she started crying. She wrapped her arm over his shoulder but was holding him so tight, so close, that it was more around his neck.

"Don't keep these things from me, Han." Her voice that could so easily fill a room was small and quivering. "Don't."

People were staring at them as they walked through the streets and that made a certain sense to him. He was in a sling and pressed tightly against her side. She was clinging to him and weeping. He wrapped his other arm around her and held on. Stared back at people who looked at them.

Fuck them. They could think whatever the fuck they wanted.

"Han."

Not Jaina. Here. In the cell. Her hand was on his cheek.

"Can you hear me?"

He pulled his head up quickly. Too quick. He took a quick intake of breath and almost recoiled. Too much was happening all at once. He wasn't sure how to process whatever was happening around him. Then he knew.

"Leia."

"Can you stand up?" Her voice was caring but urgent. "We need to leave now."

The medical center on Collahe was more like a large hut. It was well-fortified and surprisingly well-stocked with an operating facility, bacta tank and medical equipment, and three examining rooms that doubled as hospital beds when needed, but it was all jammed into a tight space. Curtains created the illusion of privacy for the beds and the main space also served as the medics office, storage and waiting area. The center was designed for efficiency and not long term stays or visitors.

Still, Leia found Luke sitting on a chair that he must have brought with him near the main entrance. He looked stressed, drained, but smiled sweetly when she walked in.

"Chewie asked me to wait." Luke made a move to stand, give her his chair, but she waved him off. "I'm supposed to call him if there's trouble."

"Seems quiet now."

She looked toward the other end of the center where Han was set-up. When she left him a few hours earlier he was referring to it as another prison but agreed to the bacta wrap and IV. Leia assumed he agreed only because Chewbacca stood over him saying he had no issue breaking his other arm if he didn't shut up.

"Yeah, too quiet." Luke chuckled. "I don't trust it."

Their rescue mission was problematic from the start. A Rebel agent on the holding station reported in. They had Han but not for long. A transport was being prepared to take him to Vader as soon as the Executor was in system. They had to move quickly and that meant going with a half-assed plan. Luke joked it was the most Solo-styled plan they could pull without Han being there. It wasn't how she liked to work, or at least not how she liked to start a mission, but they had worked together as a team long enough that she trusted they could figure it out as they went. They really didn't have a choice in the matter.

She drew the line when it came to the other Rebels, though. It was heartening that they wanted to help but their rescue team needed to travel light. One ship, one small team. Leia didn't want to risk other valuable members of the Alliance so Wedge took Luke's X-Wing and the others went back on the transport.

The station had enough traffic of supplies and beings coming and going that a disguised freighter could land easily enough. Chewie stayed with the Falcon. If anyone asked, he was waiting for his shipment. Since it was unlikely anyone spoke Shyriiwook, they hoped it would buy them more time.

When she found Han in his cell, she thought her heart might break. He was alive, that was the most important part, but he looked broken. She worried he wouldn't wake up and didn't know if they had time to bring Chewie in to carry him.

But he got up. Ran with her down the corridors. His eyes were almost swollen shut but he used the blaster they pulled from one of the guards and managed to do some damage. They used detonators to block off anyone following them and Luke fended off more with his lightsaber.

It was a narrow escape, with the Falcon taking on even more damage, but they also managed to set off more detonators in their wake, taking out the hanger and then some. She had hoped for more of an impact but was grateful to get away period.

Han refused any kind of treatment when they made the jump. The Falcon needed some quick repairs and everyone needed to chip in. When they knew they were in the clear and his adrenaline rush faded, he got himself to the bench and refused to move. They had only a few hours till Collahe so didn't argue. She did a full body scan with the monitor, which he pushed back while asleep, and determined he had broken bones but no internal bleeding.

Leia didn't know what else to do so curled up into his side. His arm draped over her shoulder. She didn't move from this spot for most of the trip. Reveling in the sound of his heart beat, his slightly raspy breath. He was alive.

Luke came in to check on them a few times and she answered his questions barely above a whisper. Something was up with Luke. Something happened on Kalmar but she would have to deal with that later. She wanted Han to sleep. She had him back. He was back on his ship and she could hold him and maybe there were second chances.

Or third or fourth. She'd lost count.

Han stirred when they dropped out of hyperspace. Sat up like he was looking around the lounge but his eyes were still mostly swollen shut.

"Can you see me?" She put a hand on his cheek, careful not to add any pressure.

"I can always see you, Baby." His voice was groggy, words slipping into each other.

"We'll be on base soon and get you to the medbay."

"Need to do the debrief."

"That can wait."

"Nah. They'll knock me out. Need to tell Rieekan some things before."

They had to negotiate with him about how everything would happen. He finally agreed to walk to med-center and meet Rieekan there. He'd give his statement while the medics started working.

Han told Rieekan what he'd picked up. They were moving troops from Lothol. Looked like the mining operation was dry or they'd pulled all they needed. The Empire had set up factories in the Outer Rim and were funneling workers there. Ilani and the holding station were acting as staging areas as they amassed more troops. They didn't expect the workers to stay in line.

Leia went back to the Command Center. She needed to check in, get updates on everything she missed. Everyone was happy when they saw her, some actually clapped, which she found a tad overwhelming. She wasn't used to that kind of response. She assured everyone that Han would be fine then filed her report. It was almost a relief to have such mundane tasks to perform again.

As if on cue, she and Luke turned to look as a long string of curse words floated from Han's exam room. Luke shrugged.

"I suppose that means he's feeling a bit better."

"That's a hard one to judge." She listened for a crash of machinery or anything that called for her intervention. "Although we might have to consider danger pay for medical attendants if this keeps up."

Han had been injured a few times on missions but refused this level of medical attention. Claimed he wasn't on the Rebel roster so they wouldn't waste supplies on him, which was patently untrue. They would never deny anyone access to medical care, especially someone hurt while working with them. But there was no point in arguing and he had never been injured beyond what the Falcon medbay could do.

She had no doubt he would make a terrible patient but didn't guess at the level of annoyance. He really didn't do anything by half-measures.

"I was quite impressed by your lightsaber skills." She leaned against the wall beside Luke. Looked down at him with a slight smile. "I didn't realize how much progress you'd made."

"Some of that was an instinctual response." He didn't shrug but she could tell he was trying to downplay it. Brush it off. "I've been practicing but that was the first time I've needed to use it so extensively in combat."

He didn't look proud of this accomplishment. She would have expected him to see it as a step forward.

"Luke, what happened on Kalmar?"

She might have added that he looked terrible, almost depressed or defeated, but he was aware. He was doing little to hide it.

Luke shook his head. "I'm not sure."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know if I can. Not sure how to explain it." He leaned forward with elbows on knees. "I found the temple almost right away. Somehow I knew where to look. There wasn't much left, unfortunately. It looked like the earthquake caused a chasm, pulling everything underground, but I could crawl down."

His face contorted slightly. He looked in pain.

"Luke, you don't need to describe this if you don't want to."

"I'd like to try to say it out loud, if that's okay with you. I don't have anyone else to talk to."

For a brief moment, Leia thought Luke might crumble before her eyes. Then he smiled again, looked warmly at her.

"People listen but I think you have more of an understanding."

Once she was old enough, and knew she could keep the conversations secret, her parents talked to her about the Jedi. They didn't reveal a great deal but mentioning them at all was unusual.

"I'll try."

Luke took a deep breath. "Vader was there."

"What?!" That felt like mighty big information to keep to himself all this time.

"Not really Vader. An image, vision." Luke leaned back again. "It felt real. He was far off, not looking at me. I tried approaching, went at him from different angles, but I couldn't get closer."

She had no idea how to respond to a Force vision. Luke had shared some before and they always seemed like riddles without any definite answers. She had never experienced anything like it herself. She'd had some dreams that seemed eerily prescient but they were likely the result of coincidence and an overactive imagination. She also needed to remember that Luke believed there was substance to his visions. She didn't want to dismiss his feelings because they didn't match her reality.

"And there was this part of my brain that told me I didn't want Vader to look at me. I should remain hidden. That I wasn't ready for him to see me."

"It could be your subconscious admitting you need more training. You're not ready to face Vader in combat."

"Probably." Luke nodded.

A young medic stepped out of Han's exam room and quickly pulled the curtain shut behind him. He eyed Luke and Leia but didn't say anything before stepping into the storage closet.

"There were others there," Luke continued. "Maybe defending Vader. Maybe defending the temple. It wasn't sure if I should consider them friends or enemies. There was something happening in every direction. Too much really. It was almost relentless."

Luke placed his hands on his thighs and straightened his back. He was bracing himself for something big. She put her hand on his shoulder. Leia didn't want to interrupt him but wanted him to know she was with him.

"I saw someone in a hooded robe attack children with a lightsaber. It must have been a temple. Probably a part of the purge." He looked at her. Didn't smile. Didn't try to pretend that he wanted to. "I couldn't control what was coming at me, how much. I thought I was going to be sick. When Alderaan was destroyed, Ben said he could feel the beings crying out. This felt like that. Like I was watching, feeling, Jedi being killed and I was powerless to stop it."

Leia squeezed his shoulder. She knew only too well how that felt.

"I actually passed out. Woke up and it was dark. The beacon was going off in my X-Wing."

"I think you need to stop this, Luke. You don't know what any of this information is or if any of it is real."

"It felt very real." His voice was low and determined. Not a trace of doubt.

"I'm worried that it's not safe for you to do this on your own."

He chuckled, though the laugh didn't reach his eyes. "I think I agree."

The medic left the supply closet, this time not bothering to look in their direction, and returned to the exam room.

"I thought I might find a connection to my father. Maybe, somehow, talk to him or Ben. I'm trying to get a handle on all of this but the more I encounter… It feels like I have even less control."

"We could try meditating together." She took hold of one of his hands. "It would probably do me some good, too."

Luke smiled his sweet smile. His eyes looked strained, tired, but he still connected with her.

"I think I would like that."

The exam room curtain was shoved aside and Han stepped out. He looked surprised to see them but didn't pause, reaching them in a few quick strides. His gaze was locked on Leia's and looked about to say something but the medic, following quickly behind, spoke first.

"I need to make it clear that we recommend Captain Solo remain in the medical center and receive IV treatment and monitoring for dehydration for at least another day."

Han looked back at the young medic. "Snitch."

"Han, if they recommend…"

"I'm not staying." He turned toward the door but she stood in front of him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Her hands went on her hips. "You're dehydrated and need to be on IV and I highly doubt your body has healed."

He held up a small cache of packets and salve, painkillers.

"Got all the supplies I need. Got plenty of water on the Falcon."

"It's not only water you need." He was well aware what was needed to treat dehydration and she wasn't in the mood for his cheap excuses. "You could spend a few more hours here and deal with it much faster than being on the Falcon."

"But I'll be on the Falcon and not here and that's the only bit that matters."

The medic raised his hands in frustration and walked away. He had absolved himself from responsibility.

"What if something goes wrong?"

"I'm not staying here, Leia."

A nurse stepped inside. They nodded to the three of them and Han stiffened, straightened up so he wasn't looming over Leia. She felt a small tug on her heart realizing he was reacting to them being observed.

"I'll go tell Chewie you're on your way back." Luke took the bacta and containers Han was holding. "It'll give him a chance to calm down before you arrive."

She put her hand on Luke's arm. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course." He gave them both a quick nod. "We can talk more later."

Han watched Luke leave then turned back to Leia. "What's wrong with the Kid?"

"I'll explain later." She took another step to block Han as he tried to follow Luke out. "Hold on."

"I'm not in the mood for this, Leia." His voice was calm, quiet. He seemed sharply aware that others might be listening. "I got a headache and, no, that doesn't mean I need to stay here. I need to be on my ship. Take a shower in my 'fresher. Not be around any of this."

He waved a hand around the room meaning, she assumed, anything in the vicinity.

"I have to go back on shift. Then meet with Mon. If you stay here…"

"You want me to stay here because you don't have time to check in on me?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm fine, Princess. Chewie can let you know if I pass out or slip into a coma."

"That's not funny."

"Not going for laughs here."

The nurse and medic started cleaning the exam room. Going back and forth from the storage room, pulling supplies and restocking shelves.

"Then do as the medic recommends and get the treatment you need. It would like one less thing for me to worry about."

He took hold of her arm and walked her swiftly to the nearest exam space and pulled the curtain closed after them.

"Listen, I get it's been a stressful few days but I'm not staying her because you feel guilty about being busy."

She didn't know she was being so obvious. It was annoying that he picked up on it when she hadn't recognized it in herself.

"I'm fine." He kept his voice to a whisper. "I can use the monitor and scanner on the Falcon. We've got saline and electrolyte pills if I need 'em. There's lots that needs doing on the Falcon and I can't sleep any more. Not here. So go to your meeting, do whatever it is you gotta do, I'm fine."

She took a deep breath and nodded. Either the nurse or medic walked past and she suspected they paused, hoping to catch a snippet of conversation.

Leia reached out for Han's belt. Ran her thumb along the buckle, keeping her eyes lowered.

"Chewie said you loved me."

She took a few breaths before looking up. He was watching her. Assessing. Waiting.

"I think he thought I already knew." She wasn't sure what to do now that she had let it out. She didn't know the etiquette on dealing with this type of situation. "Or maybe that you'd already told me."

The corner of his mouth creeped up.

"Well, you know there's not much point arguing with a Wookiee."

"I've heard that somewhere."

She returned his small, half-smile.

"C'm'here."

His hands went to her hips as he sat down, pulling her to stand between his legs.

"I know you got shit coming at you from all sides." He ran his thumbs around her hip bones. She arched her center closer to him. "Thing is, I want to make it better for you. Not harder." The half-smile went wide with an added touch of wicked. "I mean, I'm probably not gonna make things easy, exactly."

"No." She bit the inside of her cheek as she smiled. "No one would expect that."

He looked stuck again. Swallowed a few times. She didn't know how to help him through it so waited as patiently as she could.

"Whatever you need this to be. I'm here for it." He looked very serious and she lost her breath for a moment. "I know there's no guarantees but I'm good with making this go for as long as we want it to go."

She laughed. Put her hand against his cheek then pulled back when he winced. She restrained herself from pointing out that a healed patient probably shouldn't wince so much.

"That sounded almost romantic."

"I can be romantic."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I do… things."

Leia laughed again. "I might not have a great deal of experience in this area but I do know that foreplay isn't romance."

"It's always semantics with you."

Han smiled and she basked in that glow. The warmth and honesty of it.

"I don't know how this works. Never tried for anything with anyone." Han paused. Looked down. She thought she saw him take a deep breath before looking back up. "Not since Q'ira and like I said we were kids, really, and it didn't end well."

Leia didn't feel the need to ask more. This was a moment of trust for him, he'd made a choice to let something out and let her in, and that was more than enough for now.

"But I figure, you and me didn't really know what we were doing through any of this and it's turned out pretty good so far."

She laughed. "Again, the sentiment is overwhelming."

"Hey, at least I'm admitting to some stuff here."

He wasn't mad but it was a well-placed jab that she couldn't ignore."

"I told Myka."

He cocked his head, narrowed his eyes a bit. "Yeah? What did you tell him?"

"I said we're together and that I didn't see that changing anytime soon."

He smiled, bordering on a goofy grin, and her heart did a quick flip.

"How'd he take it?"

"Surprised. Said it didn't have to interfere with his father's generous offer."

"Right." Han was trying to understand her meaning. Trying to decide if he wanted to ask more.

"I told him I would not be entertaining any offers at this time."

"Right." He gave her hips a small shake. His smile spread across his face again.

"I assume it won't take long until the news reaches his father."

He pushed back some strands of hair that had gathered around her neck. Pressed his hand against her, his thumb brushing your jawline.

"Does this make a mess of your chances with the Organa funds?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not certain I wasn't delusional about it this whole time. Our chances were always slim."

"Your King opened it up once before so could happen."

"Again, not my King." She used her sharpest diction and he laughed. "But yes. I haven't given up all hope. Only reassessed what should be prioritized."

The main door opened and at least one being entered.

"Hey!" It sounded like Corporal Makiy. "I need a bandage."

She listened for a moment. They had cut themselves while working on one of the generators. Sounded like there was a lot of blood.

"We should go." She stepped away from Han but he took hold of her wrist.

"Hey, Leia." He gently pulled her arm so she turned back to face him. "Thanks for coming for me."

She was about to laugh but realized he was serious. How could that be true? How would he get it into his thick skull that she wouldn't come for him?

Leia put a hand on his chest, laced the fingers of her other hand with his. Smiled. "I'm full of surprises."

His cocky grin was back in place. "Don't I know it."

She took another step back and this time he followed. He pushed the curtain back and noticed the medic pulling bandages from a bin only a few feet away.

Han took a somewhat ominous step toward the young man. "Help you with something?"

"No." The medic jumped, almost dropping the bandages. "I was refilling the cart."

He said it so quickly that it sounded like an excuse.

"Captain Solo, don't bother the Major when he's working." She continued walking toward the door.

"Well, then, maybe he shouldn't be eavesdropping."

"You wanted to leave so let's get going." She opened the door. "Thank you for your help, Major. Captain Solo apologizes for any stress he may have caused."

"I did nothing wrong here." He walked through the door and waited for her. "All I did was refuse service and there's no reason to apologize for that."

The door closed behind Leia and they walked the next few yards together, holding hands, before he turned to the Falcon and she to the Command Center.