And he stood breathless, as Hermione quietly cried, he was holding the girl in his arms for the first time in over a year.
Then a tiny face was pressed into his neck , and he felt a familiar tugging on his hair.
He could tell from the way her breathing evened out she was almost instantly asleep.
They apparated to his home at Spinner's End, as he supported both of them with his strong arms.
Rose in his grasp and Hermione tucked in his side.
Rose whimpered slightly when they landed, but he'd been sure to make the apparation as smooth as possible, so as not to jostle the small girl into wakefulness.
Hermione was still shaking at his side.
"Where would you like me to put Rose ?" He whispered softly. "You can have the master bedroom , but shall I put her in the spare or do you want to keep her with you?"
It took a moment for Hermione to think about it , and he could hear the sheer exhaustion in her voice when she finally spoke.
"The spare I think" She answered just as quietly. "As much as I want to keep her with me, she doesn't like to be held too much, I think she'd rather have her own bed, but I'll wake her for a moment first to explain, I don't want her to wake up and not know where she is"
Nodding he led her down the hall to the bedrooms, thankfully the doors were opposite from each other.
He opened the door to the master and then the spare room, and gestured them both inside.
Wandlessly he cast a few air freshening and cleansing spells. It wasn't dirty , but the room wasn't really used so was a little dusty and stale.
"Can you banish the boxes up to the attic ? I can't do it wandlessly"
Hermione shook her head sadly.
"I'm sorry...I can't " She whispered but he understood.
She was exhausted.
"It's no concern" his voice was calm "I shall move them to the side and remove them tomorrow"
A flick of his wrist had all the boxes piled in the corner , ready for the next day.
The bed was cleared and Hermione moved to pull the sheets down.
He flicked his wrist once more, aiming another cleaning and freshening charm at the bedding and Hermione smiled at him in thanks.
"I shall purchase some new bedding for Rose, but this will have to do for now"
"I have bedding at home we could pick up, there's no point wasting your money" She whispered softly.
"I understand but...I noticed Rose is very...tactile...she touches, examines, smells everything...Perhaps it's best to start afresh for her, new bedding, new clothes ?"
A look of understanding and grief crossed her features then and he felt awful for putting it there.
"Y-you're right. I didn't think. Gods I'm so.."
"Don't. You are exhausted, and have been through something no mother should ever have to. Do not blame yourself if it was not something that came to mind"
"Do you have anything I can put her in tonight ?" She asked softly.
"An old shirt that could be shrunk perhaps ? If she's alright with it " He said softly and summoned the shirt , hearing the thump of his wardrobe doors opening.
Gratefully Hermione took the old T shirt from him , unable to help smiling at the muggle music band on it.
" Really Severus ? Black Sabbath ? " He offered her a small smile.
"It was that or Iron Maiden , but Eddie might give her nightmares."
She snorted softly, and approached the pair of them with the shirt that she shrunk until it was more of a nightdress size for the small girl.
Rubbing her back she woke Rose gently , who still refused to part with her handful of Severus's hair even when sleepy eyes focused on her mother.
"Hey baby , we're at Severus's house ,we're going to be staying here for a while alright?"
Blue eyes flicked around the room , taking in her surroundings before meeting her mothers eyes and nodding once.
A relieved look appeared on Hermione's face then and she let go of the breath that she didn't know she'd been holding.
"This is going to be your bedroom for tonight, and I will be right across the hall here" She pointed to the master bedroom , where Severus had purposely left the door open so the young girl could see inside.
"Is that OK with you baby?" Another nod but then she seemed to consider something before putting one hand on Severus's cheek and looking between the two of them.
"You want to know where Severus will be ?" Hermione asked surprised , and Severus was shocked too when the girl nodded.
"I will be downstairs Miss Rose" he said softly and carried the girl to the top of the stairs , to show her.
"These are the stairs , I will be down here tonight, then tomorrow I will be making some potions for you that will help you feel better"
Another whimper then and a look to both of them, as she tightened her hands in his frock coat, as Hermione still had his actual coat around her shoulders.
She shook her head, 'no' when he said that.
"No, Rosie what do you mean baby?" Hermione asked the girl.
She whimpered again, arms wrapping tighter around Severus as she once more buried her face in his neck.
"Rosie, Severus has to sleep too" Hermione said softly and came to stroke the girls back.
She whimpered again, but reached for her Mother's embrace.
When Hermione pulled her into her arms and a hug , Severus went to move away but was stopped by a small hand holding onto the front of his coat.
The small hand pulled him back with another whimper , and he gently put his arms around both women , feeling the small form of Rose pressed between himself and Hermione.
"I think you make her feel safe" Hermione spoke softly and they were both surprised once more when Rose nodded.
"Would you like me to stay up here tonight Miss Rose ?" He asked and the girl nodded , shoving one thumb into her mouth and looking at him through sleepy eyes.
"I'll transfigure something into a cot in the master" he said to Hermione quietly and she nodded.
"OK then Rose , Severus will stay in the big bedroom with mummy alright?"
Another nod , and she felt safe enough to let go of his coat.
"Do you think I can borrow that other shirt ?" She asked and he nodded , "of course"
"OK baby, you're going to come have a quick shower with mummy OK and then it's time for bed. I'm going to throw away these pyjamas, but Severus said you can have this shirt of his , would that be OK ?"
Holding up the shirt he watched Rose consider it for a moment, eyes flicking over the garment before taking it shyly from him like she had done the hanky which she still held on to.
She lifted the shirt up to herself , and after a moment looked to him and nodded again.
Then she made a strange gesture, touching her hand to her chin and moving it away quickly.
Hermione sucked in a breath and her watery eyes shot to his .
"Thank You" she whispered, almost in awe "That means, thank you"
He caught on quickly. Sign Language. Hermione must have been trying to teach her ways to communicate when she remained nonverbal.
"Then you're very welcome Miss Rose" He offered her a smirk and a small bow , and received that little chuff back, the not-quite-a-laugh and it warmed his heart.
He pointed them to the bathroom and brought another shirt for Hermione who snorted when she took in the old iron maiden tour shirt.
oOo
He felt useless as he made his way downstairs, and only allowed tears to break free when they would be covered by the sounds of the kettle and the shower.
Sinking to the floor in the kitchen , with his back pressed against the cabinets he sobbed into his hands for what felt like an eternity until the whistling kettle brought him back to his senses.
He hurt.
Hurt for Hermione and hurt for Rose.
She should've been mine.
A traitorous voice whispered inside him.
He'd long stopped attempting to deny his attraction to Hermione, for he could not deny that it was there, however he'd always made sure to hide it from her.
Not wanting to ruin the friendship he'd valued above all others.
And as he thought of the sweet, polite little girl who slept in his arms and tugged on his hair the thought once more echoed in his mind.
He doesn't deserve her. She should've been mine. I should've claimed them both when I knew she was unhappy with Weasley
But hindsight was 20/20 and he could not change the past , even if he'd wanted to , and he refused to make any overtures towards Hermione.
She trusted me. She trusts me. That fierce protective glorious lioness trusts me and not just with herself but with her cub , the daughter she would've killed to protect. She might've killed to protect.
When she was afraid , and panicked with her child cradled in her arms.
It was me that she trusted to protect them both.
I will do nothing to break that , I will protect them here for the rest of their lives if they let me and I shall never break that trust.
Resolve set, he made a tea for Hermione and himself and a warm milk for Rose, with a tiny bit of whipped cream , putting it in the child's sippy cup he'd found and scourgified from the one time he'd had Draco in his home as a child.
Vanishing any mess on his face from crying, he steeled himself and made his way upstairs when he heard them pad from the bathroom to the bedroom.