Han thought it was the baby again when he heard her calling. He ran in from shop, ready to grab her bag and carry her to the speeder if necessary. They'd had a false alarm a day earlier and he was already anxious and on edge. But she was standing by the stereo, looking flush and excited and not in pain.
"Listen." She pushed her hair back from her face. "Tell me if you hear what I hear."
She watched him as the recording played. Waiting for a flicker of recognition.
Menek had recorded Burnesh and Ol'rem that afternoon but it took hours to get the device back to Leia. She started listening as they cleaned up after dinner. Han left when he realized the tray and recording device had been left in a room as people came and went. It was mostly sounds of shuffling objects or discussions about the party to celebrate Grand Moff Ol'rem's visit.
Now it was Burnesh and, Han assumed, Ol'rem discussing all Sulltarr's good work of late. Increased supplies through Burnesh's ministry and triple the output from Governor Hendrill's factories. It was information their contact in the Governor's office already provided so nothing new. Then Han heard what made Leia's eyes wide with anger and fear.
"And there was no issue with the special delivery?"
There was no way to know if Burnesh used air quotes around special but it sounded like it.
"Delivered and installed." The Grand Moff sounded smug. Assured. "I must say, both the Emperor and I are quite pleased. The Governor, all of Sulltarr, really, have been most helpful in this endeavor. You, too, Burnesh."
"The Governor and I are here to serve." There was some rustling. Probably something being moved on the tray. "The Emperor's pleasure is our pleasure."
Something was poured, most likely booze since Han could hear ice rattling in a glass.
"This little matter will be resolved soon." Ol'rem paused to drink. He let out a satisfied sigh so it was probably good booze. "Only a few more days and these radicals will at last be silenced."
Han looked at Leia. She was watching him, hands on hips. He knew she was struggling to stay quiet, let him discover it on his own.
"That would certainly be good news. However, they do have a habit of popping up again."
"We've got them this time." That was a definite laugh. Han only caught a glimpse of Ol'rem from a distance as he arrived on planet but could picture the old man, stomach hanging over his belt and uniform jacket a bit too tight, enjoying himself. "I believe the phrase is, give them enough rope to hang themselves. They have a shuttle, not something we arranged but can use to our advantage, and they've been fed information they believe gives them the upper hand."
"And Palpatine is confident that it will be otherwise?"
"The Emperor is so confident of the outcome he and Lord Vader will be present to witness the final destruction of the pests. We will be ready for their arrival. The trap is set."
Han raced through what little information they had. A second Death Star was under construction but according to Rieekan it still had a ways to go.
"And this is imminent?"
"We expect their ground team on Endor's moon within days. The fleet will arrive shortly thereafter and the job will be complete." Ol'rem sounded relaxed. At ease. "This information is classified, of course. Only for the inner circle. In a few days, though, the entire galaxy will understand and no one will dare stand in resistance to the firepower and strength of the Empire. Full order will be restored."
The two men had moved on to discussing the Grand Moff's next stop on his tour of the system when Leia turned off the recording. She looked at Han expectantly.
"Yeah." Han breathed out slowly through his nose. "We're fucked."
She wanted to gather all the cell members but he didn't see the point. They were wasting time when they both knew what had to happen even if Leia refused to say it out loud. They couldn't send a message, hoping it would arrive, without risking detection. The system was showing off its advanced surveillance state for the Grand Moff and they had no way of knowing what might be flagged. So she took the speeder into town to talk to Aendi and Dix while he and Chewie prepped the Falcon.
There wasn't much to do since the ship was well stocked and had all working parts these days. He wasn't going to risk getting stuck with a bad hyperdrive again. Not when he had so much more to lose. By the time Leia returned, he was doing a second diagnostics check on the environmental system because he needed something to occupy his mind.
She walked up the ramp, followed by Aendi, looking wan and nervous but trying for a brave front. Her exhaustion was hitting her hard and a solid night's sleep was impossible these days. If it wasn't the baby keeping her up it was nightmares and not the usual fare. She was back on the Death Star with Vader but Luke there was there, too. He was in pain, in danger, and she couldn't help him. Luke was being tortured before her eyes and always just out of reach. She woke up angry. Frustrated she was so far from the action. Pissed that even if they went back she was too uncomfortable and unwieldy to do much more than sit in a chair and order people around.
He stepped in close, placing a hand on her cheek, focusing only on her.
"Ferra sent an exit visa for you." Leia's hand went to his waist. "She backdated it so it looks legit. She also sent some extra fuel."
"I think this is a bad idea." Aendi was still standing at the top of the ramp. "Dix and Menek could go. Leia's due date is a week away."
"We'll be maybe two days out. Two days back. Tops." He played with Leia's hair, twisting locks around his fingers.
"That's cutting it close." Aendi didn't say or too late but they all heard it.
"We don't need to get all the way to the rendezvous. Just need to get out of the system." He looked up as Dix and Chewie came up the ramp pushing a cart with fuel and a few extra supplies. "The Falcon will get us wherever fast."
Aendi crossed her arms. She wasn't pleased but knew there was no point in fighting.
"Leia can come stay at our place then."
"I'm fine at the house."
"No, you're not." Aendi watched Dix and Chewie disappear down the corridor. "It makes perfect sense you would stay with us while Han and Chewie are away."
Han continued playing with Leia's hair as Aendi followed the others down the corridor. Leia took his hand and held it against her chest.
"I don't need you to say anything."
"Yeah, well, I do." His hand went back to her cheek. "I'm not doing this for the rebellion."
She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Aren't we a little past this argument."
"I'm doing this for you. For her." He moved his hand to her stomach. If anything happened to him, and there was always a chance that something would, he didn't want to be labelled a martyr for the cause. Not everything was under his control but martyrdom was one thing he could deny. "I'm not risking anything to save the galaxy. Only doing what's got to be done so my family is safe."
She put a hand to his chest and tried to keep her expression neutral. "I understand."
She did. She saw him like he saw her. It was a powerful feeling, being seen by someone you loved. Wanting to be seen.
"Make sure you talk to someone directly. Rieekan or Madine. Mon, if you have to." She ran her hand over his chest. "We can't risk this message being lost or not discovered in time."
"That's going to take extra time, Leia." His palm spread across her stomach. He thought about those weeks on the Falcon, measuring her stomach every morning with his hand. Looking for a change. How he couldn't comprehend her small bump growing into a baby. "We've only managed to get Rieekan once. Gonna be worse when they're in prep-mode."
"We need to know they have the message. We can't leave anything to chance."
She clutched his shirt. Seemed unsure if she should pull him closer or not so he leaned in. There was no way to pack everything in so he had to trust she knew everything that wasn't being said. That she knew it wasn't a goodbye kiss.
Chewie announced his arrival as came around the corner and everything was back in high gear.
Aendi and Dix left after quick hugs and Chewie headed to the cockpit. He walked Leia to the ramp where she stopped, steadying herself with a hand on his chest as she kissed him again.
"Safe skies, Fly Boy."
She backed away from him and smiled as he gave a few quick taps to his chest just above his heart.
They didn't know the exact coordinates for the rendezvous, only that it was near Sullust, but it didn't really matter. They could try contacting the Rebels as soon as they got some distance from Sulltarr. They gave themselves a few hours to make sure they were well past any Sulltarrn satellites or supporters, and tried to connect. The first few attempts were bust. They were either out of range or Rebels were in high alert and had some serious blockers on. Leia had an emergency signal but it didn't do much good if it didn't hit its target.
Neither of them liked sitting exposed for too long so decided to keep moving in smaller chunks. A few hours in lightspeed heading towards Sullust then drop out and attempt another call. They left messages for Rieekan and Madine saying they had urgent info, waited for a reply, and made another jump when they didn't hear back. They were at it for hours, four jumps and endless laps of the ship as he tried to keep busy, before they reached Madine.
"Good of you to pick up." Han leaned over the console, getting in close to the mic.
"Solo." Madine sounded gruff, officious. "It's been a while."
"Not gonna be much of a social call."
Han relayed the information they had. The Empire knew their plan, down to even knowing they had a shuttle, the Death Star was operational, or soon would be, and the Emperor was showing up to watch their defeat.
"Sending through the recording. Leia put together notes, too." Han hit the transmission button. "She's got ideas what you could do."
"Good." The General let out an audible sigh. "Though, it would have been helpful to discuss it with her now."
"She couldn't make the trip." He didn't know how much information Rieekan or Mothma shared and he wasn't offering anything up. Also he didn't feel like admitting he left a very pregnant Leia on her own while he played delivery boy.
"We've already briefed the teams." Madine was muttering.
"How many know the mission details?"
"Not many." Madine paused. "Too many."
"Let's hope there's only one leak."
"We don't have time to determine who is providing information to the Empire. We barely have enough time to decide who we can trust with this new intel." Madine's frustration was obvious. The plan they thought was their best shot was now likely useless. "And no time to decide what the hell we're supposed to do with it."
Han thought his original read on the situation was right. The Rebels were fucked.
"Any news on the other investigation?"
"Our agent is making headway connecting with a group we believe will give us access to more information." Madine was distracted. Han could hear him typing. "But they've gone dark and we don't have a timeline for receiving more information. It's a delicate process."
"She's not going to be happy to hear it."
"It's not ideal on any account." It sounded like he tossed the datapad on a table. "But to be honest Solo, as much as we are all concerned about Princess Leia's well-being, we're focused on the next thirty-six hours."
One of the Falcon's scanners emitted a warning signal. Han watched as Chewie checked the screen.
"The mission is set to start at seven-hundred hours." Madine was doing some quick math. "The ground team is prepping the shuttle right now."
"You could cancel the damn thing."
Chewie flipped the shields on. [Ships. Maybe a dozen. No visual yet.]
"It's still our best chance. We won't likely have this kind of access to the space station or the Emperor again."
"And if you back out now, Palpatine's gonna pack up and use that fucking thing somewhere else." Not long ago, Han would've called Madine an idiot for continuing with a mission so clearly compromised but he got it now. He got that the Rebel brain worked on compromise, on what they were willing to sacrifice or forced to accept as loss. There were no straight up victories. They existed in whatever cracks and fissures they discovered or created. Knew any chance was fleeting and the odds of succeeding were low. After years of outright war, it was easier to rationalize how knowingly flying into a trap could have its advantages. "Is Luke back yet?"
"He arrived just before the briefing."
[Imperial. Six TIEs heading this way.]
"Got any info on Imp activity in the Bilsiin system?"
"Bilsiin? Latest Intel has a weapons plant proposal for Laheyl. Your friend making IDs has been very helpful sending in information lately. Thanks for that connection."
"Well, add military patrols over Laheyl to your report." Han started the sequence to get the Falcon moving. "Signing off."
He didn't wait for Madine's reply. He got the Falcon turned around and moving fast with the TIEs in hot pursuit. They were quick to make the jump but didn't know if the Imps got a lock on anything. Han figured if they recognized TIEs then those pilots recognized freighter. They might not have had time to identify her as the Falcon or Golden Dawn but he wasn't taking chances. They made a decoy jump just in case.
"What's the time back home?"
Chewie hit a button on the Falcon's console. [Close to noon.]
"I'm gonna call in." He stood, held up a hand to stop Chewie's next thought. "Ain't nothing wrong with checking in. It's normal."
[And you're an expert on normal.]
"Yeah, yeah." He palmed open the hatch. "It's a short jump so get ready for the next one. We need to move fast."
He tried the house and Aendi and Dix's but no one answered. Left messages saying he picked up the supplies and was heading back now but it wasn't as satisfying as he'd hoped. He wanted to hear her voice. Know how she was holding up because he wasn't sure how well he was. They were still almost two days out. A day and a half if Chewie let him push the Falcon that hard and she didn't crack under the pressure.
He needed to keep busy. As soon as they made the next and hopefully last jump, he headed to the engine room. He'd find something to occupy his mind there.
Now that they lived planet-side, Han didn't spend much time on board. He hung out with Chewie sometimes, they went on runs. There was comfort in it, familiarity, but his home was with Leia and right now that was the house. His focus was on fixing it up, keeping Leia comfortable, setting things up for the baby. They had a routine. He spent time in the shop, she worked over info they got from contacts, plotted how they could get more. If the rains held off, they went for walks. Chewie usually came in for dinner, sometimes they went to the tavern. He read to her, even in the middle of the day if she needed extra distraction, or told her stories.
Until recently, it was also fairly routine to stop whatever they were doing to have sex but it never felt routine. He still wasn't crazy about the phrase making love—sounded too proper for something so physical and essential—but didn't argue if that's what Leia wanted to call it. And it wasn't like some romantic notion that every time they got together was like the first time, even if they were finding out new things about each other. For him, it was more that it was one of many. They were exactly where they wanted to be and wanted whatever came next.
Han gave his head a shake. Rubbed his hands over his face and tried to bring focus back to the engine room. The Falcon. Any task that might be in front of him now instead of the list of things he wanted to do at the house. The heater mostly worked but he worried about Leia having to rejig the panel on her own. He'd wanted to fix the tub up so she could have a bath. Fix up the corner in the living room where she liked to work. Add a shelf, maybe build a cabinet with drawers so she could organize her stuff. He meant to do it before the baby was born so she'd have a place to relax and work. The good chair and the sun coming in and everything she needed within reach. Why didn't anyone call shit like that making love? It was more deliberate and planned. A declaration.
He was getting too sentimental these days. Impeding fatherhood was turning him into a sap.
He spent a few hours pulling apart then reassembling the control panel for the environmental system. Then went through the hyperdrive and sublight engines, making sure every bolt and wire connected properly. Ran a full diagnostics on the shields and deflectors. Then did it again. Chewie pulled him in for a card game but he was too distracted. Couldn't sit still. Kept tapping on the tabletop until Chewie threw the cards at him.
The Falcon had been his home for most of his adult life, his prize and sanctuary and escape, and now he felt trapped. His life was waiting for him. The next round wasn't going to start until he landed this ship. Got safely home. Made sure Leia and the baby were safe. He wasn't going to let the bottom drop out. He wasn't going to lose everything this time.
Han entered his cabin and realized it was a mess compared to the rest of the ship. It had become a dumping ground for everything Chewie didn't want to deal with. Mostly long forgotten items pulled from cupboards as Chewie reorganized. The Wookie was the one on the Falcon full-time these days and needed to keep busy, too.
Han sorted through a crate of frayed wires and circuit boards wondering why they'd bothered to keep them in the first place. There was a box of clothing left behind from a few overnight guests, empty ammo chambers, and pieces of a comms unit he planned on restoring and never did. He started an incinerator pile, tossing things, sometimes entire boxes, into the corner.
The storage lockers were still organized thanks to Leia's boredom when they all lived on the Falcon. Books were lined up in alphabetical order. The few items of clothing left on board were neatly folded. He found the missing datapad, the one she claimed he lost, tucked under a sweater and the box that once held the expensive necklace he bought her and she never had the chance to wear. He was surprised to see her old Hoth snowsuit and boots. Forgot they had saved them. They looked like relics, museum pieces from an ancient life, and not something she regularly wore eight months earlier.
He picked up a small box with loose, unmarked datachips. They were likely all useless but sorting through them gave him something to do. He grabbed the datapad and sat down, swinging his legs up and stretching out. Leia would be pissed about boots on the bunk. It was one of the early rules she tried to establish once they got together. No boots or hats on the bed. She also wasn't crazy about his carefree attitude being naked—walking around the Falcon, sitting in chairs—but she got over that one. Besides he finally understood the benefit of sleep pants, especially in the Eloiran winter.
A lot of the chips were long defunct ID codes that he tossed into his discard pile. He laughed when he found the schematics of a casino on Commenor. It was a job Lando brought them in on that combusted in glorious fashion long before they hit the finish line. Lando's contact tried for a double cross but didn't understand explosives and blew the exit doors shut rather blowing the safe doors off. He and Chewie got out, even managed to get a bit of loot, but left Lando to deal with the fall out. He must've got out okay since Lando was now in charge of Cloud City and the mines but was probably still pissed. Han threw that chip in with the others.
It was a weird memory lane. Jobs and aliases. Schemes that were going to make him rich and usually ended with them running for their lives. A long list of beings who probably never wanted to talk to him again. Most he hadn't thought about in years. A few he found himself missing, hoping they finally got the windfall they deserved.
One chip contained his prison and court records from Nar Shaddaa. That was one thing he didn't mean to keep. Didn't need to be reminded about any of it. He might still be rotting away in that cell if it wasn't for Aginna. Chewie would've tried to bust him out but Agi proved he was innocent. Then he took off and did his best to forget that any of it happened.
He didn't lead her on. Anytime she'd suggested he stick around he told her flat out that wasn't for him. Course he still went back to Nar Shaddaa and stayed with her. Enjoyed the time they spent together. Chewie avoided the whole situation. Said she was nice and deserved someone better than him and he didn't argue but figured it was good enough if he was honest with her. Said he wasn't sticking around. Wasn't going to settle down. But he kept coming back. Enjoyed the homecooked meals and someone waiting for his return.
He didn't promise her anything more when she got him released. He was grateful, obviously, and happy to see her but he was itching to get moving. Spent the night at her place and they didn't talk much. Definitely didn't make plans. They had sex even though he knew it was making love for her. That he didn't love her. Didn't want to feel tied to her or responsible for her happiness or in debt to her good deeds. He got up before the sun, dressed in the other room so he didn't wake her, and left a note that said little more than thanks.
Yeah, he felt guilty about that one. He would've been a shit partner, inflicted far too much heartache, but he also could've handled it better. He really only understood running in those days. Run from danger, relationships, responsibilities and debts. He could control the outcome if he kept on the move. Or maybe it was to avoid the outcome. He tried to not think too much about it.
He and Leia were in a weird spot now. Technically still on the run but in a holding pattern. They weren't making long term plans but were settling in. They had dishes and towels. A crib. A cupboard in the kitchen Leia called the pantry and stored the jars of preserves she made with Tank. She and Aendi were friends and did regular friend things together. Walks. Drank tea. Talked about switching to alcohol as soon as Leia was allowed. They spent time together as families. The girls were trying to learn Shyriiwook. Dix liked to throw out advice on being a dad and Han didn't hate it. He hadn't seen a lot of good fathers up close and figured he could use some help.
Dix's energy was all go. Always ready and willing. Luke levels of enthusiasm. A get on the floor, in the mix kind of dad. Played games. Did voices for stories. Dumb jokes that made the girls groan but laugh. Quick to throw out I love you and nicknames and hugs. He wasn't naïve or even overly optimistic, though. He'd seen a lot of shit, lost family and friends, his leg, but he wasn't cynical. Believed there was a way to stop the Empire. Created a life he wanted to live on Eloira.
Tank lived up to his name. Solid, steady, seemingly unmovable. The girls bounced around, climbed all over him, as he barely blinked an eye. When they sat in his lap, he held them tight. Tank didn't talk much but he was always watching. Han and Chewie had him pegged as a sniper or some special ops job in the army. Something that required patience and quiet observance. He definitely wasn't a grunt during his army days.
Han didn't know where he was going to fall. Leia had taken hold of the idea he had more rules with the White Worms than he did living with Jaina. If he wanted a meal and his bed roll, he had to be back by curfew. He had to hit marks—jobs done, money brought in—if he wanted to remain in good standing or get the chance to earn more. With Jaina, they ate when they were hungry. Went to bed when they were tired. Any routine he had was by his own design. He got up in time because he wanted to go to school, which also made Leia laugh.
"You provide very conflicting images of your youth. Were you a near feral child or the teacher's pet?"
He'd told Leia a few more Jaina stories. Or at least more things that revealed that part of his life. What he could remember about their apartments, drawing floorplans across her stomach. Neighborhoods and shops. Pulling memories from his deep recesses, letting images float to the surface. It helped touching her. Feeling that connection. She was a grounding force for him. He didn't feel like he was going to get lost in remembering, caught up in the anger of loss, when she ran her fingers through his hair. When she laughed. Asked questions. Whispered his name.
He felt the tingle up his spine just thinking about her saying his name. He'd heard plenty of women say it, groan or shout it, but nothing compared to Leia. He loved that it felt like she was laying claim to him. That she belonged to him. Not an instinct he was proud of, knew no one really belonged to anyone else, but he didn't fight it either. He wanted her to say it, say his name, say she was his, and when he asked she always complied.
He still couldn't get enough of her and felt confident that wasn't going to change. The sex had slowed down lately, there wasn't any position that was comfortable for long, but the desire was there. They'd been together almost two years—longer if he included that first stretch before the cock up—and he wanted her as much as he did at the beginning. More. He always wanted more. Sex, definitely, obviously, but he wanted more of everything. Felt like he was missing out when he didn't wake up beside her. Or hear about whatever she had running through her head. He had always assumed being tied to someone meant tied down but it was strangely freeing. This felt limitless.
Han eventually gave up with the make work projects and tried to sleep. First in the cabin then in his pilot's chair but didn't have much luck. When they finally dropped out of lightspeed at the Sulltarr checkpoint he was actively resisting the urge to saw the console in half.
It was always a pain getting back in the system—they wanted every ship stamped going in and out—but they were efficient. Prided themselves on getting ships through quickly. So it was troubling to see several dozen ships waiting.
"YT Cruiser." A strained, stern voice snapped over the comms channel. "Hold."
[This a good sign or bad?] Chewie started the post-lightspeed check, making sure the Falcon held together through the drop. [Is this extra security because the Empire won or lost?]
"Anything that holds us up ain't good."
He leaned forward to look at the ships surrounding them. This was definitely not good.
"IDs and admittance codes."
"Sending."
Han sat back in his chair, trying to not count the passing seconds. He checked the chrono, did some quick calculations. They were almost forty hours out of Sullust. If the mission left as planned, it was likely over by now, one way or the other.
Chewie pulled up the monitor and scrolled through the holo-news feeds. It was one newscast after another with reporters addressing rumors that no one was willing to confirm yet. The Emperor was dead.
"Golden Dawn." The stressed border agent was back. "Your credentials are under review. You are one-hundred-and-twenty-two in line."
Chewie let out a low, angry growl.
"Hey, Pal!" Han was back on the comms. "I'm in a hurry here. My wife's about to have a baby. Gotta get home fast."
"You are one-hundred-and-twenty-two in line, Golden Dawn. There are no exceptions to that order."
Fuck.
[They know where we are heading.] Chewie, apparently, knew what he was thinking. [They could have people in Ysper long before we arrived.]
"So we're supposed to just sit here?"
[It would appear so.]
Han flipped the channel on the comms system. "She's not at the house. I can try Aendi's. Or the tavern."
The border agent's voice cut through once again.
"Golden Dawn. All communication signals going in or out of Sulltarr have been shut down. All communications within the system have been limited to emergency only. Any other communications will be monitored and considered suspicious."
The guard rushed through the speech like he's already delivered it one hundred and twenty-one times today. The connection shut off with a sharp crackle and Han smacked the console with his fist.
"This is an emergency, fucker."
They were past day four now. There was a time, not that long ago, when four days was nothing. Hell, back when he was running for the Rebels, he might be gone a couple weeks and it didn't bother him. He missed her, even before he realized that was the issue, worried she was safe, but a week was nothing. Now he was losing his mind. He ran his hands up and down the arms of his chair. Swore under his breath. Stared at the comms unit like he could will it back to life.
[I'm going to tie you to that chair if you don't calm down.]
"What? I'm just sitting here."
[You're planning. You're going to do something stupid.]
"Sitting here doing nothing is what's stupid." Yeah, that sounded a bit like he was sulking but he didn't care. "We don't know how long this is gonna last or what shit excuse they'll use to pull us in."
[If it comes to that, we'll respond.] Chewie flipped through holo-net feeds. It all looked the same. Chaos and confusion in every direction. [She's not alone. You're risking her safety and everyone in Ysper if you act up now.]
"How am I supposed to just sit here? She could be having our kid right now."
Things could be happening. Things could be going wrong. It was a mistake going through the proper channels. They should've steered clear of checkpoints and slipped in without notice. They could think up some excuse later or get the hell out as fast as possible. Find someplace new to lay low. Or maybe they didn't have to worry about that part anymore. There was still the assassin issue but exchanging one problem for another was par for the course.
[You think I don't understand being far from someone I love?]
Shit. Han shifted in his seat.
[Or understand feeling helpless because someone I love might be hurt or scared.]
"Okay, okay."
[To have no idea what is happening and have no means to communicate.]
"Okay." Han held up a hand. "Point taken."
Chewie turned back to the monitor and scrolling.
"I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair. Rubbed the back of his neck. "I wasn't thinking and I'm freaking out here. I know you know all this but it's new for me."
[Do you understand that much of the galaxy works like this? Move for work or displacement or forced into other environments.] Chewie turned to him. Reached out a long arm and placed a paw on Han's head, ensuring Han looked at him. [I know this is new for you. Not the unknown but having a family to miss. I'll give you only a few more passes but you have to wake up to the reality.]
"You're starting to sound like Leia."
Han grumbled even though he knew Chewie had a point. He saw the galaxy a lot differently these days and it wasn't all because of Leia. The Rebels and their dedication had seeped into his brain, too. Luke and his belief that everything was somehow connected. Seeing how many people, usually the ones without money or influence, lived under a surveillance state like Sulltarr. Chewie released his grip on Han's head and ruffled his hair.
[The Princess and I have many things in common.]
"Look, one thing I know I'm good at is being solid for her when she's upset. I hate thinking she's going through something big, or maybe something else has happened, and I'm not there."
[She's not alone. You made sure she has supports and care. She's near a clinic if she needs it. She's safe.]
It wasn't only if things went to shit, though. If the Emperor was dead, Han wanted to be with her to celebrate. This was a huge fucking deal and he wasn't sharing it with her. It could mean the galaxy stood a chance. They had a chance to live a life other than underground and on the run. Well, maybe a bit more difficult for him since he also had the Hutt after him, but this was the first real push for their life together and he was in a holding pattern at the outskirts of Sulltarr waiting for one more official to decide on his fate.
"Hey, hold it there." Han pointed at the screen. "I know that guy."
It was one of the Alderaanians from the big brain frigate. The Appenza Peak. He was decked out in traditional robes, trying for solemn but looking almost elated. The professor, Han couldn't remember what the guy did, was arguing with some other talking head about the rumors. The destruction of a new Death Star, the demise of the Emperor. They went back and forth. The Imperial mouthpiece becoming more agitated, the professor more certain. It was starting to look like the Rebels actually did it.
There was footage of celebrations on Hosnian Prime, other planets. Riots on Coruscant and Eriadu. The news feeds most loyal to the Empire claimed the whole thing was fake. It was a Rebel designed conspiracy. There was never a second, planet-destroying, giant battle station. Who knew if the first one was actually real? Nothing happened on the Moddell Sector or near Endor. It was preposterous to think the Emperor could be defeated by a failing and flailing group of insurgents. Other channels labelled information as alleged and unconfirmed but the reporters seemed cautiously optimistic. Everyone looked a little dumbstruck.
He felt a rush of fear and anxiety every time Leia's face appeared. The holos were almost always from her Senate days, back when she still wore those hair buns and dressed all in white. They had a few shots of her with her parents and a couple from events on Alderaan. She looked like a princess in those holos. Flowing gown. Elaborate braids. Some reporters mentioned she was rumored to be missing in action. One mentioned scraps from the Millennium Falcon, the ship she was allegedly on, being found near the Anoat system.
Han alternated between watching the screen, listening to the speculations, and watching the ships around them. Some made it through the checkpoint as more arrived and a few were surrounded and escorted to a separate location. A couple tried making a run for it and didn't get very far. He and Chewie were going to have to react quickly if it looked like they weren't getting through. He felt certain the Falcon had more fire power than these Sulltarr ships and he could probably take out a few before taking off to get Leia.
He turned back to the screen when he heard a familiar voice. It was Mothma. She was sitting at a desk, looked like an office on Home One, with hands neatly folded in front of her. Her voice as crisp and polished as ever as she declared victory for the Rebellion.
"We have an eye witness account that confirms the death of Emperor Palpatine and Lord Vader. Our fleet, thousands of fighters, can confirm the destruction of the battle station known as the Death Star. The army of the New Republic has secured the moon of Endor and the Moddell Sector and are in the process of establishing a provisional government. The New Republic is committed to fighting the Imperial remnants who refuse to see the writing on the wall and we welcome all levels of government who wish to join the New Republic. The reign of the Empire is no more"
How much did Leia know? Han guessed access to the news feeds would be over once they crossed into Sulltarr. If they were controlling who they could talk to, they were definitely controlling the flow of information and news.
The comms came to life again and he and Chewie both jumped in their seats.
"Golden Dawn, you are cleared to proceed."
Mothma was still talking, something about sacrifice and uniting for a cause, but he was too busy getting the Falcon in gear to catch all of it.
"The Dock Manager in Ysper has been informed of your arrival. If you are not registered as landing within an acceptable timeframe, a warrant will be placed on your ship."
Han responded with a vague thanks and they were gone in a matter of seconds.
It was dusk as they flew over Ysper. The sky was cloudy and shifting to a darker grey but at least it wasn't raining. Han did a quick scan of the town as they passed over and the streets looked empty but he didn't spend waste time thinking about the implications. They were coming in quick, spinning sharply over his house and brushing against the trees as the Falcon set down in the clearing.
He stopped cold when he got to the bottom of the ramp and he saw Aendi waiting at the edge of the clearing. She held up her hands and smiled.
"Everything's fine. All good."
"Where's Leia." He started walking again, legs moving before he knew it.
"At the house." She nodded up the path. "We were leaving the clinic when we got word you were arriving so came straight here."
Clinic. Came straight here. There was more and he needed her to spit it out.
"She went into labor the morning after you left."
He didn't wait for more information. Took off at a clip, hearing her calling after him.
"Everything is fine!"
He entered through the backdoor and, when he didn't see Leia right away, headed straight upstairs. The lights in the bedroom were low with only the lamp on her table lit. He stopped in the doorway to admire her, a wide grin spreading across his face.
Leia was sitting up, leaning against the pillows and holding their daughter. She was wearing one of his white shirts, the top clasps undone and the shirt pulled to the side. The baby was resting on a pillow, secured in Leia's arms with one hand cupping her head, and feeding. Leia looked up at Han, her smile as wide as his.
"Welcome home."
"Hey." He was pretty sure he said that out loud. "Lot happened while I was gone."
"For you, too."
He felt frozen in place, his mind racing. Entranced by the baby's face, her mouth moving, sucking. Her eyes open to small slits. One hand, so tiny, stretched out from the blanket and resting on Leia's breast.
"You should come closer." She was laughing, probably because he looked insane. "Meet your daughter."
His legs must be working because he ended up at the bed. Somehow managed to sit down, which was probably a good thing if he couldn't feel his legs.
The baby wore a tiny grey cap so he couldn't see her hair. She looked very serious. Her brow was furrowed as she concentrated on pulling in her meal. It was her mouth that got him. Her tiny movements that looked so natural, so perfect.
"This is Essaryne. Essie, this is your father." Leia's voice was soft and soothing. A slight lilt that sounded like music. "Though maybe you'll want to call him daddy. At least for the first while."
Essie opened her eyes slightly as Leia spoke. She appeared to be watching her mother closely but maybe that was his imagination. Han remembered something from the doctor's holos about baby's only seeing shapes at this age. He paid attention to the holos, read some of the books Leia gave him, but most of that information was lost to him now. There was only Leia and Essie and the beauty right in front of him.
"Who did you talk to?" She looked at Han but he kept his eyes on Essie.
"Madine." He leaned forward, rested a hand on the bed beside Leia's hip. He wanted to pull the baby's blanket back further to get a better look but didn't want to disturb either of them.
"Did he give you any indication about what they had planned? What they were going to do with the new information?"
He shook his head. "Nah. Just that it was going to have to change. Didn't stick around to talk."
"We knew something was up when the nurses were glued to the holo-set. Some of them complaining that only system run channels were permitted to broadcast." Her thumb moved gently along Essie's cheek, keeping a steady rhythm. "Dix came to the clinic to tell us all comms were shut down but we didn't know what happened."
Essie was breathing through her nose. Letting out the occasional, small grunt as she sucked. Wiggled her fingers against Leia's breast like she was trying to get a better grip.
"Essie was already born when we got your message. We knew you were on your way back but didn't know if and when you would make it. Didn't know what the checkpoints were like or how long it would take to get through. If they would let you through."
"You know I'll always come for you, Leia." He glanced up at her. She knew that didn't she? "Always."
"I know." She smiled. Bit her bottom lip and looked like she might cry. "I actually wasn't sure you would use the proper channels. I half expected you to arrive with Sulltarrn fighters in tow."
"You can thank Chewie for that not happening."
She looked tired, which made sense. She had to be exhausted. But there was some color in her cheeks despite the dark circles under her eyes. Tired and beautiful. Drained and radiant.
"You doing okay?"
Leia nodded.
"We were losing our minds. We heard rumors, saw some of the reports, but had no real information. Couldn't talk freely because I was sharing a room and the nurses and doctors were coming and going. But I thought there might be more celebrating if the Empire was successful. It seemed unlikely the Emperor would downplay a victory of that magnitude."
Essie shifted. Kicked her legs under the blanket. Her eyes opened a bit more.
"Then Grand Moff Ol'rem went on the holo-news to announce the Emperor was dead and he was the successor."
"What?" He looked at Leia. Wondered if he missed something as she spoke, too focused on the baby. "Ol'rem thinks he's in charge?"
"He's definitely making a play for it but I doubt he's the only one making a push for power. It means the Imperials are already destabilized without Palpatine." She rearranged Essie slightly, giving her a different angle against her breast. "We can't get outside sources. I was hoping you might have heard more."
"We saw Mothma."
"Where?"
"Giving a speech." He gave her the half-smile. "She declared victory. Said they had an eye witness account that Palpatine and Vader are both gone. They're starting to build a provisional government."
Tears welled up again. She bit her lip, maybe trying to stop the tears or the smile but failed at both. He leaned further in and kissed her. Her mouth then both wet cheeks. Cupped her face with his hand.
"You made it happen, Sweetheart."
"We did." She took his chin and brought him closer again. "We all did."
She tasted like jogan fruit. Likely juice. A quick dose of vitamins and energy. He didn't like juice, any of it. Too sweet. But it reminded Leia of mornings with her parents. A treat she could never indulge in on bases where rations and money were tight but something she allowed herself here. He pulled back to look at her. Pushed her hair back behind an ear then ran his fingers through the tresses. Kissed her forehead.
"I wasn't asking how you were doing with the Death Star news."
Essie squirmed again as she let go of Leia's nipple. They both looked down at their daughter.
"Are you done, my love?" Leia smiled at Essie. Used a finger to push the blanket back so Han could get a better view. "We're still working out our signals. Getting to know each other."
Essie lifted her tiny fist up to her cheek. She looked like she was stretching after a good meal. He watched as Leia cooed a few more words at the baby, lifting their daughter up as she pulled her shirt closed. She held Essie against her chest, smoothing her hand over the baby's back.
"I'm tired. Exhausted. Sore." She rested her cheek on the top of Essie's head. "I felt the first contraction a few hours after you left. I knew if it was starting you would miss it all but there was no convincing her."
He missed the birth of his kid. Missed seeing, hearing, Essie take her first breath. Missed seeing Leia see her for the first time.
"Sit back." She leaned forward. "Hold your arms out."
He didn't have much time to react. Bent one arm to cradle Essie's head, wrapped the other underneath the baby and pulled her in close. Her eyes were open, blinking against the soft light. She looked concerned, her brow slightly furrowed.
Han moved his hand from Essie's back to front, spreading his other arm along her length. Felt her small, shallow breaths against his palm. Her heartbeat. A persistent thrumming under his fingers. Steady. Stronger than he would've imagined.
"She's so small."
"I have a different opinion." Leia chuckled. "That's a seven and a half pound, rather long human, who passed through my vagina. She definitely didn't feel small."
Essie turned her head towards Leia, drawn in by her mother's voice. He figured his time was up. Waited for her to start crying, demanding to be returned to Leia.
"Aendi stayed with me. Held my hand. I think I almost broke her hand." Leia shook her head. "I wasn't prepared for it—I'm not sure how anyone could be—but I tried to keep calm. Keep her calm. Thought it must have been more traumatic for her."
She pushed her hair back with both hands. Took a deep breath.
"We made the right choice. We don't know the details of what happened yet but I feel confident we have this outcome at least in part because you got that message to Madine in time. It's what had to happen." She put a hand on his cheek. "But I missed you. I hated going through this without you. I hate that you weren't there to hold my hand or talk to her to calm her down or get me ice chips. I needed you."
"I'm here now." He thought his voice might crack. "I hate I wasn't here for you. I can't fucking believe I missed her being born."
"If we could live these last few days over again, I would make all the same decisions. It was shit. I hated it. But it was the right choice. We'll have to make hard choices again and that might mean being apart." She looked down as Essie let out a small grunt. The baby squirmed, trying to tilt her head back. "The Emperor's plan failed. He's gone. We haven't won yet but we will. I almost hope Vader is still alive so he can watch as we tear the rest of the Empire down."
Essie grunted again and he looked down. Her eyes were open, almost wide. She looked up at him, taking in his shape, being, who knows what else.
"Hey there, Darling." His heartbeat sped up. Essie was looking at him. Maybe not seeing him but responding to him. "Nice to meet you."
Her eyes were blue. A kind of greyish blue he'd never seen before but not a surprise considering he hadn't seen a new born baby up close before. Her brow furrowed, a red V forming between her eyes.
"You're looking a bit pissed off. Expecting your momma, I guess. Sorry Kid, you're gonna have to get used to this mug, too."
He felt lightheaded. This all suddenly seemed almost surreal. He was sitting in his bedroom in a house they called home holding his new born daughter. He'd hitched himself to, was madly in love with, a woman who was probably going to rule the galaxy one day. Until recently, he would've said most of his decisions were bad ones. Took the wrong job. Trusted the wrong guy. Didn't really matter though cos he only had to worry about him and Chewie and they were both built for the fight and they both knew there would always be another one. But somehow, somewhere, those decisions led him to the Rebels and Leia. Led him to this rented house on a remote planet where he was doing better than a half-assed job building a life. A good life. A home.
Essie squirmed again. She clenched and unclenched her fist. She was getting set to cry. It was all new to him but he knew what was coming.
"Leia, you need to take her back."
Essie's face scrunched up, her eyes squeezed shut. Her cheeks reddened as her mouth stretched open and for a second or two there was nothing. No sound. He could feel his blood rushing past his ears. His chest, his neck. He wandered if he was going to pass out. He'd been knocked out a few times but he'd never passed out. Not without the help of a lot of alcohol.
"No."
He could hear her soft chuckle. Clearly, she didn't understand the seriousness of the situation. He lifted Essie, only slightly because he didn't want to drop her, leaned his body forward so Leia could take her.
She put a hand on his hand, still rested on Essie's stomach, and gently pushed him back.
"No." Leia ran her hand along his arm and up his shoulder as Essie finally found her voice.
It started out as a strained whimper but rose quickly, both in volume and tone until it was a full blown wail.
"I know you're in sensory overload right now but you only need to breath. She's safe with you. You need to learn to trust yourself right now. And her."
He looked up at Leia. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her soft smile. Damn, she was beautiful.
Han stood up because he didn't know what else to do and movement had always served him well. He held her close against his chest but not too tight. He'd already figured out she didn't like feeling trapped. He paced by the bed then realized bouncing was better. A soft rhythm as they moved together. She was still crying but the wail had calmed down.
"I sound like I know what I'm doing, don't I?" Leia rearranged herself against the pillows and he noticed she winced in pain. "You should have seen me trying to change her first diaper. I had a nurse and Aendi with me and it still took forever. She kept moving and I was nervous I'd pinch her somehow then worried I was taking too long and she was cold and maybe she'd catch a cold. Nervous because Aendi and the nurse were watching and I wasn't exceeding at the task. I could sense them wanting to jump in and do it. Make it easier for all involved."
Essie's cry was now barely a whimper. Less stressed and more irritated. Like she was annoyed he didn't do what she asked. Like she might be faking it. He continued his slight bounce, eyes on Essie, scrutinizing her every move, and smiling.
"My philosophy right now is I've kept her alive for two days so far so let's call it a victory."
She reached for the mug on her table and he noticed another wince. She was in more pain than she admitted.
"A nurse is coming for a home visit. Every day for the next week." She grimaced after taking a sip so he assumed whatever it was had gone cold. "And Aendi said she would pop in if we needed anything."
"Calla and Basia meet her?" He kept his voice low. Not quite as sing-songy as the one Leia used but still leaning into soothing.
"They came to the clinic. I felt bad they were meeting her before you." She smiled at him. Looked like she might cry again. "I'm sorry you missed welcoming her into the world."
He took in all of Leia's appearance. Finally gave himself the chance to really look at her. Her hair was tied back with an elastic but strands fell in all directions. His shirt had a few stains on the front and she had pinned the cuffs so they stayed rolled up above her wrists. He noticed a red patch on her chest, a small circle that looked like a monitor was attached to her. He needed to ask a lot more questions about what happened while he was away.
"I love you, Leia."
She laughed. "Remember that two weeks from now when you still haven't had a full night's sleep."
"Speaking of." He nodded at Essie. She was sound asleep, her mouth open and chest rising and falling with each breath. "Now what?"
"You can put her in the bassinette."
"Yeah?" That seemed risky. She was bound to wake up. He knew it wasn't a practical plan but if he had to hold her and bounce for the next few hours then that's what he would do.
"Yes." She cocked her head as she looked at him. "It's your first of many challenges as a father."
He made the move. Readjusted his arms as he held the baby over the bassinette, trying to find the easiest way to keep her secure, support her neck and head, then gently release her. He stepped back. Put his hands on his hips and stared at the baby, amazed that he managed to put her down without causing trauma. Well, no trauma to Essie anyway.
"We did good." He smiled at Leia, nodding at the baby. "Crazy this all started in a garbage chute."
"It most definitely did not." She pushed back the covers and moved her legs to the side of the bed. "I thought you were an arrogant idiot."
"You still think I'm an arrogant idiot." He winked at her. "But I'm your arrogant idiot."
"You are that." She held out her hand. "I could use some help."
He quickly stepped to her side and took her hand. Placed his other hand on the small of her back as she pushed herself off the bed. She put a hand on his chest as his went to her waist.
"How bad was it?"
"Bad. But the usual amount of bad, apparently. I'll heal." Leia ran her hands against his chest, taking in his physical presence. "I'd like the next few days to ourselves. And Chewie. It's been such chaos lately and I'm not even talking about the birth. You need time to bond with Essie, to bond as a family."
"You're not gonna be distracted looking for news on the war?"
"Aendi and Dix will tell us if anything requires our attention." She stepped in closer to rest her head against his chest. "I need to learn how to breathe again and I want to do that with you."
He kissed the top of her head, chuckling as he rested his cheek against her hair.
"I think this is me learning to breathe for the first time."
Han undressed while Leia was in the fresher. Moved carefully around the room, pulled out sleep pants and a t-shirt from a drawer, always keeping an eye on Essie. The bassinette was close enough to the bed that Leia could reach out and touch her but Han decided he should be the one to grab the baby. If it was difficult for Leia to get off the bed, lifting a baby wasn't going to be easy.
Leia came back into the room with her hair down and brushed. Looked like she splashed some water on her face.
"How'd that go?"
"I'm in pain but I can manage to use the fresher." She gave him a small eyeroll as she sat gingerly on the bed. "For the most part. I think I'll want you within shouting distance when I shower, though."
"We should probably get that monitor set up."
Leia moved the pillows around, returning one to Han's side of the bed, then slid down.
"You need anything now?"
She shook her head. "Come to bed. I think you're the missing ingredient to getting any sleep."
He crawled into bed, pulling the covers up and sliding in close to Leia. He wrapped his arm around her and nuzzled her neck. The bed was warm, felt extra luxurious.
"I'm good with the standing still, Leia." He tucked his legs up under hers. "As long as it's with you."
He listened for her breathing to change, the assurance she had fallen asleep, then let himself drift in after her.
A/N: This is obviously a switch-up from the canon version of the Battle of Endor and I hope it makes some sense. My dilemma was I wanted them to still play a significant role in the battle and the Empire coming apart. It also occurred to me that if they weren't on Endor and Han didn't step on the stick that alerted the stormtroopers and sent Leia off on the bike and discovering the Ewoks then the battle might have had a different outcome. So in this version, Han and Leia warn the Rebels of the Emperor's plan (that he knows they're coming) and that's what makes the difference in the battle. How exactly, you might ask? To be determined at a later date. Details, details, details.
I do hope this all lines up and makes sense. It's definitely AU but hopefully it still feels like the Star Wars universe and Han/Leia.
Thank you again for reading!