By Your Side

by Kate Riley

(A&O high school story) how far are you willing to go to protect your family? This is exactly the question that Kate finds answers to after tragedy strikes, giving her a second chance at life, and a group of new found friends and relationships. Creating a family that she could never imagine until now.

110. rock bottom

Kate's POV

I found a parking spot by the front of the building. Putting the car in park I looked up from the stick. It seemed like a clinic on the smaller side. This was where the GPS took me, and I had to go here. I felt anger rise within me as I felt forced to go here. I growled before yelling in pure anger, slamming my hand on the steering wheel, resulting in a sharp pain in my left wrist.

"Ah!" I yelped in pain, holding it with my other hand. I pulled the sleeve of my leather jacket down to check the bandage wrapped around it. No blood seemed to be coming out so I didn't break the stitches. Good. I groaned and stepped out of the car, locking it before walking up to the clinic and going inside.

Immediately I was hit with the cool air from the inside and the smell of medicine. There was another glass door in front of me which I had to go through to get in, but to my right was a window that let me see into the waiting room. Nothing but chairs and a shitty box TV playing the fucking disney channel in the top corner of the room. I hated the sight. I never thought the day would come when I had to come to a place like this. I walked through the second pair of doors and over to the desk which had glass on top, cutting off the room with almost a glass wall that sat on top of the counter. The lady who sat there looked away from her computer and over to me.

"Hey… appointment for Kate" I said. The lady turned back to her computer and typed something.

"Alright hun I got you, take a seat and the doctor will be with you shortly" she said.

"Alright… thanks" I said, walking over to one of the chairs in this pretty much empty waiting room. I was the only other patient. I sat down, throwing my tail to the side of the chair as the chairs were set back to back. I waited, playing with the bandage on my wrist, again checking to see if there was any blood. There was none. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Just get through this Kate… not because mom said you had to, but because you need to. I leaned over, rubbing my forehead in frustration. I took another deep breath. Sadly though it didn't calm me. My ear perked up as I heard a door open, but I didn't look up. At least not until I heard my name.

"Kate?" a lady called. I looked over to see a wolf with brown fur and black hair, brown eyes that tried to offer comfort but failed miserably. She wore a doctor's coat over her outfit which was just a simple blue dress shirt and jeans. But according to my mom she was the best, hence why I was even fucking here. I stood up and walked over to the doctor as she stood in the doorway, holding the door for me. "Hello, how are you?" she asked.

"Alright… I think you know" I said. She offered a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah… I do… but don't worry, we'll get into that" she said, following me into a hallway filled with doors "just follow me okay?" she said.

"You got it" I replied sarcastically as we made our way down the hall. We walked silently until reaching an opened door where a small office sat inside. Again the doctor waited for me to go in first. I stepped in to see there was just a desk with a computer set up, and two chairs along with a bookshelf. The doctor leaned over to turn something on outside. Some sort of little heater looking thing that made noise so that no one outside could hear us. If it came down to it though I don't think it would help much. She walked in and closed the door behind her, taking a seat by her computer.

"Would you like to sit down Kate?" she asked. I looked over at the two chairs and then slowly walked over to the one that would make me face her head on. No the one to the side and by the window. I took a seat and then folded my hands and waited for her to speak again. "Alright… I think it's time we meet each other formally. I'm doctor Veronica Vogal. I've been specializing in psychology all my life which is how I've earned a reputation of apparently being one of if not the best psychiatrist in the state. I believe that everybody can be helped, and no one is a lost cause, as long as you're honest with me I can get to the route of everything. Let's get one thing clear alright? I wanna help you… I'm not here to be mean or to make you feel bad… everything I say or do is for your benefit… and from my experience… it works… no matter how much the process may hurt" she explained. I gave her a side eye that told her that she was being a bit stuck up. "Your turn" she added. I sighed. This was fucking stupid.

"Well… you know my name… in terms of what else you want me to say I don't really know" I said.

"You don't have to say anything you don't want to… I just think it's better and easier if you do, no matter how personal" Vogal replied. I shrugged.

"That still doesn't help me" I said. Vogal sighed, leaning back in her chair, keeping her eyes on me.

"You seem agitated Kate… is there something bothering you?" she asked, making my heart race with anger again. I wanted to leave, I wanted to go home, I wanted to hold Rick and never let him go… Rick… my heart sank. This was a waste of time.

"Yeah… this place… the fact that I have to be here is fucking dumb… I never thought that I would be thrown into such a place" I explained in a huff.

"Kate… you weren't thrown anywhere… your mother reached out to me because she's worried about you… and there's nothing wrong with a little help" Vogal explained.

"A little help? I never thought that I would be prescribed pills until now… the fact that I'm being forced to take them is fucking disgusting" I ranted.

"But you aren't taking them anymore are you… and then you…" Vogal said, gesturing to my wrist. I looked down and saw my bandage poking out. I grunted in anger and quickly covered it up. I looked over to her again with gritted teeth. "And that's why you're here today. You have people that are worried about you… that's also why your mom paid me for as much time as you need" Vogal said, making me scoff.

"Yeah… that's what matters at the end of the day isn't it? Money… fucking money money money…" I said, crossing my arms and looking away like a child.

"I… think we need to take a few steps back… before you started feeling this way… I want you to take me through your daily life" Vogal requested. My eyes looked over to her again, and then I sighed again. I fully turned to face her once more and leaned forward, folding my hands as my elbows rested on my legs.

"I've been through this before… I'd say everything was fine in elementary and middle school… but during eighth grade I… I guess I wanted a boyfriend… my friends had one, and it seemed like a good time, something to brag about… but I didn't have one until I entered high school during my sophomore year" I explained.

"How did everything go?" Vogal asked, tilting her head to the side. I bit my lip before continuing.

"Not well… not to sound a type of way but a lot of guys want me, they look at me like I'm the prettiest girl in the school and… I fucking hate it… I'm grateful for how I look but… I was always some prize to win. I dated three guys. The first one was some jock that took me out, I introduced him to my mom she hated him, and then I felt like I could take him to my room to talk about our interests and stuff but he just wanted to fuck me… I told him I wasn't ready, he got mad and then we split right then and there. The second one lasted around two weeks but I wasnt into him so I broke things off… the third one… he was the worst. Some football playing asshole who just… so fucking full of himself I was disgusted. I never thought I would see my mom hate someone more than him" I explained. Vogal wrote down some notes.

"So during these relationships. At any point did you feel an emotional connection such as love or sexual feelings?" she asked.

"No… I never even kissed them" I answered.

"Alright so you have self control, you were waiting for the right one. I like that… continue, what happened that led to your first depression?" Vogal asked. I looked away from her again this time sadly.

"Well… I had a crush on this boy… he was so cute and handsome, he was funny and seemed like he had such a good heart. I wanted him, and I mean I really wanted him. My heart yearned for him. I wanted to give him my everything. My first kiss… everything" I explained. Vogal wrote down some more things.

"Did you ever ask this boy out?" she asked.

"No… and that was my mistake. I knew him for years at that point but… never made a move… my sister asked him out and… they've been a happy couple ever since" I explained.

"Your sister? That's gotta sting" Vogal said.

"It did… and after that I lost all hope… my sister had taken the boy that I truly wanted and here I was… trying to find love in a place where there was none… I was so upset that I spent the next two years cooped up in my room. It got bad… I lost friends, leaving me with a small circle that I still talk to… my mother was so upset that she never saw me out anymore… I never had a smile on my face… I just went to and from school and… stayed in bed all day" I explained, remembering the times.

"You said this boy is still dating your sister now?" Vogal asked. I nodded.

"Yeah" I answered.

"Can I get they're names just so I can follow everything?" she asked.

"Sure… my sister is Lilly and the boy is Humphrey" I explained. She wrote down they're names and then turned to me again.

"I always say to ot put all your eggs in one basket… you end up with stuff like this" she said. She offered a smile which made me fake a small laugh before continuing after she asked me the net question. "So what pulled you out of this depression?"

"Um… well I'm actually glad that we didn't end up together… Humphrey is a nice guy but… not for me I found out… and we admitted our feelings for each other… he said he liked me too but… my sister still got to him… anyway this boy would often come over to my house… I never really paid him any mind but… one day we talked as I was coming home from school. It wasn't a long conversation but I felt like I was short with him, like I was being rude. The way I was feeling at the time made me so antisocial. Nothing like I was before. Even then though I felt bad and apologized to him at school the next day and sat with him in class, at first it didn't seem like much but once we did start talking I found it really easy to do, like we just clicked… we spent the whole school day together. It was probably the best day I had in a long time at that point" I explained. Vogal smiled.

"I can tell you still have feelings for him. You get happy when you talk about it" she said, making me realize that I did indeed feel a bit happy talking about it. It had even made me talk more. "So did you and this boy ever go anywhere?" Vogal asked.

"Well… later that day I was hit by a car… Rick took me to the hospital and I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for him… he loved me so much that he sat in the hospital with me the whole time… I woke up to him holding my hand" I explained.

"How did that make you feel?" Vogal asked.

"Well at the time I was in a lot of pain… but I also felt really comfortable around him… I never wanted him to leave the room… when he did I felt so alone, but when he was there I was loved… I barely knew the guy but apparently he had a thing for me for years" I explained, my ears flattening again.

"For how long would you say that he took notice of you?" Vogal asked.

"A long time" I answered. Vogal didn't seem satisfied with the answer. As if Rick wasn't normal in the scenario. Some type of creep. She needed a bigger picture. "He was best friends with my sister and Humphrey, and his sister was best friends with them as well, '' I explained.

"Ah" Vogal nodded, writing more down. "So what happened between you two?" she asked. I felt myself grow nervous as I knew that things were about to get extremely personal.

"Um… there were six of us… Humphrey, Lilly, me, Rick, Shaky, and Angel who was Rick's sister" I explained. Vogal wrote down the information and then turned to me again. "We… we consider ourselves a family we're so close" I added.

"Well that's nice. Sounds like you found everything you wanted" she replied. I laughed lightly.

"And more…" I said.

"So out of the five… who is the boy you liked?" Vogal asked.

"Rick… he was Rick" I answered.

"M-hm, and how did everything start?" Vogal asked.

"Well… we kissed… we had tried before but we were always interrupted… but I was his first kiss as well… it was sweet, like… everything I wanted" I explained, hoping that would be it.

"Were you two sexualy active?" Vogal asked. Fuck…

"Why do you need to know that?" I asked.

"It just helps me see into your relationship and how much emotion goes into it. It gives me an idea of what I'm working with. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, although if you don't I'll know anyway" she explained. I groaned.

"Extremely" I said. She wrote down her note and then turned to me again.

"So you two went all the way?" she asked.

"Yes… I loved him so much and he loved me. We were each others first, and I wouldn't give it to anyone else" I explained.

"Alright. Kate this is going to seem like a weird question and again you don't have to answer it if you don't want to, but it helps me see what I'm working with" Vogal explained. My eyes grew a bit, telling her that I was waiting. "Did he finish inside you?" she asked. What the fuck? What kind of question was that? I'm starting to question this doctor, where's the real one? I guess Vogal saw the look on my face because she quickly explained. "It's well known that lovers who climax inside are in love the most. If they're not then they tend to use a condom that's why I ask, to see how much you love each other and if it was for pleasure or out of love" she explained. I sighed again.

"Yes… he finished inside me every time… and it was both, but mostly love" I explained. She wrote down my answer and then again turned back to me.

"Last question on this topic, did he take care of you?" she asked. I closed my eyes out of frustration and anger. This was getting ridiculous.

"Yes… he would cum until I did" I said.

"Well it sounds like this boy really loved you. What happened to him? Is he still in the picture?" Vogal asked. I opened my eyes and looked up at her.

"Yes… and no," I said.

"What does that mean?" she asked gently. I sighed.

"There was this guy that terrorized us, he was the epitome of scum. He killed himself after I rejected him and so his cousin that loved him a lot killed Rick's sister… and then tried to kill him" I explained.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Now this cousin… it was pretty vague in the report I read… is this… the person that you…" Vogal began to ask, again I looked over at her.

"Yes… yes it is" I answered.

"Okay so tell me what happened with that" Vogal requested. Again I looked down at my wrist which had the bandage poking out of my jacket sleeve.

"She… she killed Rick's sister by cutting the brakes on his parents car… the accident was so bad that it killed his parents as well. There was a lot of emotion with that but in the end I was there for him. He moved in with us and things were fine for a while, he even had all the money in his parent's and sister's account transferred to his" I explained.

"Is it still with him?" Vogal asked.

"Yeah, it's still in his account. It's just sitting there, no ones touched it. Just thousands of dollars waiting for us to start our lives when he wakes up" I explained.

"When he wakes up?" Vogal asked.

"Yeah… not long after Angel died Garth killed himself… his cousin blamed me so she tried to take Rick away by gutting him in the street… she didn't though, he held on for me even though he had the chance to see his family again… and he was in so much pain… but he held on for me" I said, getting emotional. Vogal slid a tissue box over to me, which enraged me. I growled. "Why are you even acting like you fucking care? You don't, you got your money and now your just listening to me whine and bicker with a fucking sob story. That's the only fucking reason I'm here. There is no reason for me to sit here, and talk to you, and satisfy my mom. None!" I ranted, standing up to yell at Vogal completely.

"Actually Kate I have a lot of money saved up from previous cases, the only reason I ask for as much as I do is so people only come to me with bug issues, not small ones that can be fixed by just the talk with a friend. You know what you're really here. You tried to kill yourself… your on suicide watch do you realize that? You were prepared to abandon your mother, father, and friends and leave them with a corpse to bury, do you realize how selfish that is of you?" Vogal said back aggravated. I stared at her as though I wanted to kill her. I did want to. How fucking dare she speak to me that way. "Kate… I'm only here to help you" she added in a softer tone. I grunted again before turning to the wall, walking over to the bookshelf crying. As much as I didn't want to admit it she was right. I was willing to put my parents through what I couldn't go through again. What was wrong with me? "Kate?-"

"Give me a minute… Im… I'm fine" I sobbed, wiping the tears from my eyes, feeling embarrassed. I felt a pain in my wrist again and grunted, holding it as I gritted my teeth.

"You really cared about this boy… didn't you?" Vogal asked.

"I still do! He's my everything, and I don't wanna move on without him" I cried, turning back to her as I held my wrist in pain.

"Look… I can tell you're a sweet girl who's going through a real tough time… but I need you to talk to me, get out what you need to and vent. There's still things I need to know" Vogal explained. I sniffed, slowly walking over two the chair again and sitting my down, my tail hitting the wall behind me. Again I threw it to the side.

"He held on for me… that right there tells you all you need to know" I said, still recovering from my small outburst.

"So she failed to kill him though," Vogal said. I nodded.

"Yeah… she broke into my place not long after, I guess she was waiting for me to be alone. Shaky… he came over at the same time and she tried to kill him to" I explained.

"And where is he now?" Vogal asked.

"He's better, but me and him have been hanging out a lot… him and Angel were partners… and he lost her along with his mom so he feels like he can connect with me more" I explained. Ever since he got out we spent days together, mostly in the hospital though until recently.

"So what happened after she tried to kill him?" Vogal asked.

"She went for me, tried to stab me as well but… I shot her… we keep guns and-" I stopped talking once I saw Vogal write something down after I mentioned guns. I swallowed my anger and kept going. "She still tried to attack me, rubbing in how she killed Rick the whole time which… I stabbed her… so much even after she was gone I… I still have nightmares" I explained, turning away again, rubbing my arm.

"I feel like most people would have done what you did in that situation. So what are these nightmares of?" Vogal asked. I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking about it all.

"They vary… some are reliving the night… some are when I lose the fight… some are seeing Rick die… but the worst ones…" I started breaking down again. "The worst one's are when I'm in hell, in constant pain because of all the torture… and not being able to see my love again" I cried. Vogal wrote down what I said as I cried.

"So… you're religious then?" Vogal asked.

"Y-y-yes" I cracked. "I-I-i-i w-wanted to t-talk with a p-priest"

"Did you?" Vogal asked. I nodded, too upset to speak. "And how did that go?" she asked.

I remember sitting throughout the whole service. I had gotten there at around ten in the morning when it was first starting. It had been the first time I had stepped in a church since I was a pup. I sat, and I listened, and the whole time I was thinking whether or not I would be punished. I grew impatient throughout, only because I wanted answers now, but part of me was also horrified. Scared that I would get the answer that I didn't want. What if he told me that there was no such redemption for me, or that Iwas a lost cause. I would have no good afterlife.

I remember waiting for people to go in and out of the confession booth. I was the fourth one in. I had waited a little over an hour for my turn. I mostly sat staring into open space with the now empty church, it was so beautiful. The big open hallway with heavenly glass windows that painted the room in a peaceful light. I missed it. I had only looked around though when I first came in. After I took a seat I only stared up to the front where a podium was. Where the father had stood talking about everything. Now he sat talking with who needed it.

"I think you're up sweetie" an old lady said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I looked over slightly, feeling scared. Here goes nothing.

"Thanks" I managed to push out as my heart raced. She said nothing as she relaxed back into her seat. I made my way over to my side of the booth slowly, stopping at the entrance. I took a deep breath and then stepped inside, closing the door behind me. It was dark inside, nothing but the light from the outside that shined through the window of the door that was shaped like a cross. It smelled of old books which wasn't a bad thing. I took a seat and waited to hear from the priest.

"Go ahead" he said. I could just barely see his outline on the other side of the small checked framing that separated us. It was nothing more than a small window in the wall.

"I… sorry I… I've never done this before… I used to come to church all the time when I was a pup but-"

"You're still a pup… I saw you come over. You're very young. A girl of your age shouldn't be in a confession booth so early. This is mostly a place for the elderly but everyone is welcome as you know… why did you stop coming?" the priest asked.

"I… I don't know… I guess my family just fell out of touch… I remember always coming every Sunday but… once I started up middle school we just stopped" I explained, hoping he wouldn't judge me.

"So what brings you here now?" he asked. I felt my face grow hot as I grew scared. I didn't know how to answer it. I didn't want him to be scared or run… I didn't think he would but there was always that chance. Again I was also scared of the answer I would get. So much so that I could already feel myself begin to tear up as the horrors of the answer I might get came to my mind again. My inevitable future uncertain. But I had to know.

"I… I killed someone father" I said, looking down at the floor. I began to sob quietly. So much so that it really only sounded like sniffs with tiny bits of whining. There was a long period of silence. Nothing but the sound of my light sobs as my heart raced.

"Then the person you need to talk with is the police," he said.

"No… I already dealt with them. it was self defense… I… I had to" I said, knowing that it wasn't completely true. That's what scared me. The fact that I didn't have to kill Mindy. She said something that pissed me off so I killed her for it.

"Self defense? What happened?" he asked. This was the part where I needed to tell the truth. I felt as though I could tell him.

"This girl… she killed my boyfriend… or at the time I thought she did… all I thought was that he was dead… she killed him and then came after me… she tried to kill my friend and then broke into my house… I shot her so that she didn't come closer but she still tried to kill me… I asked her why she did what she did and she mocked my boyfriend… the love of my life, he's so much more than just a boyfriend to me… and I thought he was dead because of her and she mocked him… she said he died like a… like a coward" I explained, changing up the words a bit.

"It sounds as though you didn't exactly have to kill her," the priest said. I began to sob harder.

"I know… I know father I know, I'm terrified that I'm gonna go to hell… and that I'm not gonna spend all of eternity with my family" I cried.

"It seems as though this has bothered you a lot… you're sorry for what you did, not because you took someone's life but because of the consequences it may bring" he replied. I gritted my teeth, squeezing my eyes shut as his words stung me.

"Y-yes" I said.

"But you said that your lover was not dead," he added.

"Yes. thank God" I replied.

"There is only one sin that is unforgivable in the eyes of God, and that's blasphemy. Do you believe in God?" he asked. I nodded as I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Yes" I answered as I continued to squeeze my eyes shut.

"Don't be afraid. When it's your time I'm sure you will be forgiven. You will be with your family once more. From what it sounds like God gave you a challenge, you faced it head on and illuminated it before it could come for you again as it would have. There was no other way. How long was it before you found out your partner was alive?" the priest asked. I sniffed, trying to stop my crying so that I could form a basic sentence. "There's no need to cry. Just relax, your safe here" he added.

"The… the next day" I answered.

"The next day… it sounds as though God had given you a gift. A reward for conquering his challenge, and not backing down. You're a strong young lady. And God has put his faith in you. Maybe it wasn't a reward, but a way of telling you that you aren't punished. Your love will grow stronger" the priest explained.

"Will… will I go to heaven?" I asked.

"I believe so" he answered. It was good to hear at the time, but it wasn't long before I began to doubt myself again.

"It sounds like everything went well," Vogal said after I finished telling her everything. I had left out the part where I could have let Mindy live at the cost of her coming back or catching me off guard, but the rest was told.

"Yeah… it was the answer I wanted," I replied, looking away from her again. I felt another pain in my wrist, making me cringe and hold it.

"Tell me Kate. after you found out your lover was alive. What did you do?" Vogal asked. I looked up from my wrist and to her.

"I was already in the hospital, I'm glad I got the phone call when I did, otherwise I would have made a huge mistake… but I ran to intensive care and saw Rick the way he was and… I didn't leave his side for awhile" I explained.

"How long ago was this?" Vogal asked. I sighed as the painful answer came to my mind.

"Three months" I answered, sitting back in the chair and feeling a small ache in my heart.

"And he's still there?" Vogal asked. I nodded.

"Yep… he's still there" I answered, wiping a tear from my eye. I crossed my arms again as I looked away from Vogal once again.

"You mentioned that you almost made a mistake… what was it?" she asked. I closed my eyes and sighed, looking at her again. I had hoped she wouldn't ask me this but here we were.

"I still thought that Rick was dead, and I had been getting a phone call from the hospital that I kept ignoring either because I was busy or grieving… surviving… anyway I got it again but this time I didnt let it ring. I guess they took notice and gave me about five minutes before they called back. During those five minutes I told Shaky, Angel's boyfriend, that her car accident wasn't an accident. He broke down, and I comforted him. He had told me that he wanted to speak to me that night because he knew what I was going through and that he cared… I already knew that he cared but to see him leave his house in such a state just for me, because he didn't want me to be alone was… it meant a lot… and we were so heart broken, and so filled with grief and pain that that moment grew into something more and… I… he… we went to kiss each other" I explained. Once more I broke eye contact out of embarrassment.

"So… did you guys end up kissing?" she asked.

"No… thankfully the phone rang and I got the news" I answered.

"Okay. let me ask you Kate… what do you think would have happened if you didn't get the news then?" Vogal asked. I closed my eyes and pictured everything, opening them to look at her. I leaned forward again and started to give my honest answer.

"We would have kissed, I would have grown attached… I would have taken care of him, he would have come over like he's been doing… we would've had sex… I would've felt guilty, but I would have stuck with him… I would assume that our hearts still belonged to our original partners but… our relationship would have been like boyfriend and girlfriend but it wouldn't have been that, it would've been for comfort" I explained. I looked away from the floor and at Vogal to see if she was judging me. I couldn't get anything. She wrote something down and then turned back to me.

"And you're grateful for the distraction?" she asked.

"Yes… if I made that mistake only to find out that my partner was alive then… I don't know if I could live with myself" I explained.

"But you care for him?" Vogal asked.

"Yes… I still do…" I answered.

"And did you guys ever talk about what happened once he got out of the hospital?" Vogal asked. I sighed again as I remembered our chat.

He had come over my house one day to talk about some things, probably to bond. He told me that he was coming so I had spruced myself up a bit. Blue skinny jeans and a black T-shirt. I laid down in my bed, sniffing my pillow most of the time as I sat on my phone. I was trying to catch some type of scent of me and Rick. a couple of times I had caught the scent of our love making but it was faint. It had been so long. Heat season was almost done and I was at my wits end. Masturbating every single night and spraying my sheets, thinking about Rick every single time. Even when I would use my phone for porn I would watch females getting plowed by their partners and come in. it would get me off, but it was nothing compared to my lover. Thinking about him, and every time I had climaxed I felt guilty afterwards. It didn't help that I stopped taking my birth control for the heat, but there was no need if my lover wasn't here to take care of me.

I smiled into the pillow every time I caught our scent. Even when I knew he was alive, I was still sad and depressed that my lover wasn't here. When I would get up I would see my chess board that he got me under the TV that he got me. He was so thoughtful with all the gifts. And even though he got me both the chess set meant more because of how much thought went into it. It hurt to see, and mom had told me that maybe I should put it under my bed or in the closet. But I felt guilty at the thought of doing it so it stayed out. Continuing to make me sad and upset every time my eyes fell upon it. Then there were his clothes in my closet, the stuff in the basement like his horror collections and valuables. luckily I didn't go down to the basement or have to, but if I did I knew it would hurt. Not to mention that his things still probably smelled like his old house which made me think of Angel and all the good times we had there. I couldn't imagine how he felt.

My head popped out of the pillow as I heard the doorbell ring. I walked downstairs quickly, seeing mom stop in the hallway as she was going for the door.

"I got it" I said, making her go back into the living room. I opened the door to see Shaky there wearing his usual get up. "Hey, what took ya so long?" I asked with a smile.

"Oh you know, dad telling me to be careful and to not die and all that" he said as he entered the house. I shut the door behind him as he said his hellos to my parents. They called to each other from down the hallway before he turned to me, hands in his pockets. "Can we… go to your room? I kinda wanted to talk with you about something" he said. My smile faded at the tone in his voice. What was normally cheery sounded more worried and nervous.

"Sure… you know you can talk to me about anything" I said.

"Yeah I know it's just… well I'll tell ya" he said she walked up the steps. I followed him as he led me up. He looked into Lilly's room to see that she wasn't in there. "Where's Lilly?" he asked.

"With Humphrey" I answered, walking into my room. Shaky followed me and shut the door as I sat on the edge of the bed. "Take a seat" I said, patting the spot next to me. Shaky did as I asked and sat down, scratching his neck nervously as he looked away from me. "What?" I asked with a giggle.

"Well… I know that things didn't go well yesterday with me and Salty" he started. My heart dropped a bit as I felt that I didn't want to be a bother.

"Shaky I-"

"No, it's fine. Look I get it. You're still not ready to be yourself, I understand. I'm sorry I dragged you into that but… I'm really glad you're not just in that hospital anymore" he said, making me feel sad.

"Every moment I'm away from him it hurts" I said. Shaky nodded.

"Yeah I know I know… I'm just glad that I pulled you out of there… I'm still willing to keep my promise, even if it's just you and me but… we gotta talk about what happened or… what almost happened" Shaky explained. I looked away from him slowly as I realized what he was talking about.

"Yeah… I know… I think we were both just really hurt… we love each other Shaky just… just not like that" I said, looking over to him again.

"So… you wouldn't have… made love to me?" he asked, sounding hurt.

"No… I would have… but I think we would both have regretted it in the long run… I still love you Shaky, and you're still family to me. I care for you a lot, please don't get hurt by this" I pleaded. I just felt so bad because I knew how he felt. Probably as if he was being dumped. If Rick was really dead then he might have been happy with another partner until he was with Angel again. But with the way things turned out… even though I was so grateful with the way they did, that didn't change the fact that Shaky was hurt.

"You… you really love me?" Shaky asked, giving me a bit of a side eye with a hopeful half smile. I offered him a kind one in return.

"I really do," I answered, rubbing his soft cheek with my hand. I leaned over, pulling him in a bit and gave his cheek a soft kiss. I closed my eyes when I gave it and then pulled back, offering the same smile.

"I guess it's… it's good to know that someone really cares… and that a guy like me could score a girl like you" he joked. I giggled, hitting his arm playfully. His smile faded as he turned to look at the floor. "Do you think that Angel would have forgiven me?" he asked. There was a moment of silence before I answered.

"I think… her and Rick are on the same page. If they died then they wouldn't want us to be alone. They would want us to find new partners. I could never do that, and I don't think you could either. Our heart will always belong to them. It's… hard to word but I think we could find temporary partners… you know, someone who they care about to make love with until you meet up with your actual lover?" I explained, not really feeling confident.

"I think I know what you mean," Shaky answered.

"Well… I think you and I would have made great temporary partners'' I said with a smile. Shaky smiled back. "Yeah I think we would have grown attached to each other throughout the years, but once we passed and saw our soul mates again… it would change things" I added.

"Good way to put it… and it makes sense, the whole on the same page as Rick thing. I mean they were siblings" Shaky said, sounding a lot more grim then he meant to,

"Yeah… they were," I replied. Shaky sighed.

"Yep… well I hope that you don't have to go through this Kate. I hope you and Rick live a happy life once he wakes up. But if for some reason that doesn't happen… I'll be here" he said. I offered another smile.

"Thank you," I said.

"Of course… I love you" Shaky said.

"I love you too…" I said. We Took a moment to stare into each other's eyes before I broke our trance. "So… what do you wanna do?" I asked. Shaky laughed.

"Well… I was kinda hungry. What about you?" he asked. I rubbed my stomach.

"Hm… food sounds good" I smiled. Shaky laughed again. He stood up, holding his hand out.

"Alright sweet. I know a great pizza place we can go to" he said happily as his tail wagged. I stared at his hand for a moment. I still felt bad, like now I got his hopes up or I was leading him on. But what more could I say? I honestly hoped he found a partner soon, even if it was temporary. I accepted his hand and so he helped me to my feet.

"Sounds great" I said. Shaky opened up my door and stepped out. We ended up having a great time that day. I remember hugging him goodbye after he dropped me off, and then watching him leave and ride down the street and around the corner until we had hung out the next day.

"I'm glad to hear that you were able to talk everything out, even if for you it wasn't completely satisfying" Vogal said with a smile that faded after she crossed over to the second half of her sentence.

"Yeah… I just feel really bad for him" I said, feeling a small ache in my heart.

"Kate I picked up two things from that that I want to ask you about. The first is the event mentioned where things didn't go too well, and the second about the hospital. Could you tell me first what happened with that day out?" Vogal asked. I blanked as I felt like a spoiled brat. Honestly it wasn't that bad but… I felt differently. Either way she asked and I had no reason not to tell other than my own embarrassment.

I had been sitting in the passenger seat of Shaky's car as he drove to a diner. Somehow he had convinced me to come out with him and Salty. It was just the two of us and I honestly didn't feel too comfortable with that since I didn't know Salty too well. Mostly though it was because I knew how close the pair were, and I knew if I went that I would be a third wheel. Me and Shaky had already been hanging out that day however. We had been hanging around my place watching movies. He had asked to go look at Rick's horror collection to see what we did with it which wasn't much. He didn't even get to finish unpacking it before I broke the news to him about the letter from the bank and we made love upstairs. He never went back down there and I haven't touched it as mentioned before. I told him that he could but I didn't want to see it which made him stop. I felt bad for it but we settled for whatever was on hulu which was a movie called RUN. It wasn't bad but I felt bad watching a new horror movie without my lover. It was one of many of our favorite things to do.

When he got to my place he said that he made plans with Salty to go and hang out at a diner which was fine. It gave us about three hours to hang out but when the time came for him to go I was pretty hungry and he had asked me to tag along.

"I don't know Shaky. I don't really know Salty that well" I replied. Again I really didn't want to be a third wheel.

"Oh come on Kate. Salty like you, you just gotta get to know him. I mean if you hang out with me then I think you could get behind him. Besides, I'm buying" Shaky explained with a smile. I giggled and then sighed.

"Fine I'll go" I accepted. Next thing I knew we were pulling up to Salty's place and he was hopping in the back seat.

"Hey Kate! Didn't know you were gonna be here" he said happily with a wag of his tail.

"Yeah. I hope that's okay" I said, again feeling a little bad. I also felt as though I was butting in. I really hoped that this wasn't a pity invite but it seemed more like Shaky just wanted to spend more time with me. I hope that he wasn't getting too attached.

"Of course it is Kate. I'm glad that your here I mean look at this. You can't fake this" he said, pointing to his tail which was still wagging. I laughed and turned back to the windshield as Shaky drove off to the diner. "Honestly I've been worried about you. Being stuck in the hospital and all. How is Rick anyway?" he asked, darkening the mood a bit.

"Salty-"

"It's okay, Shaky… he's… not doing good. He hasn't made any progress and… I don't know, it's a lot to be away from him" I answered. Salty seemed to go quiet, obviously feeling bad for what he asked, even though it was out of concern.

"I haven't visited him yet… I kinda feel bad I just… I don't have a ride there…" he explained.

"Don't worry about it. Your not missing much… the only reason I stay with him is because… we have that connection, you know?" I asked.

"Sadly I don't… I haven't been with a wolf that I really love yet" Salty replied. Shaky smiled and leaned over to me as he kept his eyes on the road.

"You see Kate… Salty here has slept with a couple of girls allegedly, but they never last. He didn't save his first for someone special" he explained. He said it with a smile but I didn't smile back. I kinda felt bad for him.

"Well I guess I can't control my hormones," Salty replied. Shaky laughed and then the pair started talking about his experiences which led to hobbies and other things that I couldn't relate too. We arrived at the diner and it was just as I Thought. The pair were talking and laughing as I sat next to Shaky twirling the straw in my drink as I rested my hand on my cheek, looking miserable without trying to. I began to get annoyed as I felt I was being left out but said nothing as I didn't want to be a bother. Since I was sitting across from Salty though I guess he took notice and pointed to me which I saw out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey Kate… you okay?" Shaky asked, patting my shoulder. My ears perked up as my eyes widened from feeling as if I had just been caught doing something that I wasn't supposed to. Here the boys were having fun and now they had to stop it to check up on my sorry ass. I knew I shouldn't have come.

"Yeah I'm fine I was just… thinking about Rick is all" I lied, looking down and away from the pair.

"Hey… you can talk to us, don't be nervous" Salty said, trying to sound optimistic but… I wasn't buying it.

"I'm sorry it's just… I don't really know you that well, so everything you're talking about I'm just… in the dark" I admitted. Shaky took a sip from his drink as me and Salty locked eyes.

"Well… what do you wanna know about me?" Salty asked. Honestly I didn't even know where to start. This just felt awkward. Like the conversation had no flow. Maybe I just had to start it up.

"Um… I… what do you do with your spare time?" I asked, not knowing what else to do. I offered an extremely nervous smile as I waited for my answer. Ears back as I folded my hands.

"Well… as of recently I've been looking for work. My mother gives me a hundred dollars a week but she's getting pretty tired of it. I try to hang out with friends like now but it sucks when I don't have the money, and I think that the girl I'm dating right now is starting to figure it all out so… yeah. A job is my number one priority" Salty answered, now leaving an awkward silence.

"You didn't tell me you had a new girlfriend" Shaky replied, giving him a confused stare.

"Oh I didn't? Yeah we started talking in class and then one thing led to another, I got in there and then we just started hanging out" Salty explained.

"Pssh, I don't know how you pull all these girls with your dumb ass" Shaky laughed causing Salty to do the same. Already they're conversation had flow and I was left on my own again. It went on like that until finally we left and went home. I think Shaky felt bad, but we didn't talk about it until the next day.

"So do you have trouble conversing with new people?" Vogal asked after she wrote down my story. I shrugged, sighing once more.

"I never thought so. But I just felt like I would be interrupting I guess. Not to mention I had a lot on my plate" I replied.

"Yeah, well I'm glad that you still went. Even if it turned out poorly for you. Not to mention you still hang out around this boy for a good time" Vogal explained. I offered a nervous giggle and then looked away from her again.

"So… what was the other question?" I asked.

"Well first I want to ask you something else before we get to that question. You said that you returned back to the house which is only natural after so much time. How was it going back there after what happened?" Vogal asked. I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and pointer finger as I remembered first going back.

"Well… when I first walked in it was weird for all of us after seeing the crime scene. I still stop and stare at the room sometimes remembering what happened. I just hope she isn't haunting the place" I said with a small laugh. Vogal didn't laugh though. I gave her an awkward stare before continuing. "The police cleaned up the place, fixed the window that she broke and it was like nothing ever happened. Mom was still proud of me that I had the guts to do what I did to defend myself but she was upset that I had to do it in the first place. Dad went back to work but mom stayed with me for another week because I was too afraid to be alone in the house but eventually she went back to work as well. It didn't matter though because I was spending a lot of time at the hospital anyway. I only really ever went back for clothes which only took me an hour. But to answer your question it was weird… it still is" I explained.

"That actually leads me to what I wanted to ask you Kate. you say that this boy Shaky talked you out of leaving the hospital. Could you explain how that happened and when? From what you told me you really love this Rick, and did not want to leave him as he recovered but three months… that's a long time, especially for a girl of your age. I'm honestly surprised to see how committed you are. A lot of girls your age and with your looks would have just moved on" Vogal explained, making me a bit angry again.

"I'm not other girls… people may think I'm a pretty face but I just want to be loved… I crave it I guess… I'm not only committed but I know who my partner and soulmate is and I wouldn't trade that for anything" I explained with annoyance in my voice.

"Well what did this boy say that caused you to leave?" Vogal asked again, steering the conversation back to what it was. I rubbed my eyes again.

"I made him a promise… one that I didn't want to break," I explained.

It was another day of sitting by Rick's side holding his hand. It had been two whole weeks since I found out that he was alive. I was thinking that he would be awake any minute because of how long it took last time but… no such luck unfortunately. It had been awhile since I showered. I just… didn't want to leave my lover. I just sat holding his hand in hopes that he would make so much as the slightest movement but… nothing. Mom had come by and had a talk with me. She wanted me to get out, she told me that Rick wouldn't want me to be in here but I had already heard that. I knew it was true but that didn't change the fact that I wanted to be by his side. I spent most of the day talking with him, not knowing whether or not he actually heard me. Every second felt as long as the day and I only ever ate when the doctors were kind enough to bring me something. At first I didn't eat any of it, but even they begged me to eat. Eventually I did and that's when the headaches stopped being as bad as they were.

Not only did mom want me to go outside and away from the hospital for my own mental health, but she also wanted me to go back to school. Lilly and Humphrey had already gone back. But me… I was still here, holding onto my lover's hand, waiting for him to wake up. But he hadn't so much as twitched. There was a lot of crying and breaking down. Sitting in the dark hospital room in the middle of the night with the beeping hospital equipment that was the only thing keeping him alive to be heard along with my weeping. I think the nurses began to talk about me as I was all they could focus on after a while. I couldn't care less though. I just wanted my soulmate back.

Finally one morning Shaky had come in. It was around twelve or so and it caught me off guard as it was a weekday. I turned to the doorway thinking that it was one of the doctors but… there he was looking concerned.

"Shaky… what are you doing here?" I asked, wiping last night's tears from my eyes. He shrugged as he kept his hands deep in his pockets.

"I don't know I… I heard you were still here and I was worried about you" he answered, walking over to the other side of the bed. He studied Rick in his unconscious state before speaking again. "Any progress?" he asked.

"No… none" I answered with a crack in my voice. He walked around the other side of the bed and next to me, crouching down and wrapping an arm around me. I turned into his neck and began sobbing into his chest as he held me. "You… you shouldn't be here… you should be in school" I sobbed. Shaky nuzzled me to relax me.

"I know… my dads gonna kill me but… you're worth it Kate… I haven't been here to visit Rick and… Lilly's been telling me everything about what your mom has been saying" he explained. This caught my attention and I stopped sobbing the slightest bit to ask him.

"What has she been saying?"

"Well… she's worried about you Kate… we all are. I just… I think it's time that you left here… you can still visit Rick… he's not going anywhere…" Shaky explained. The thought of leaving him brought me pain and I was back to sobbing again.

"I… I don't want to" I cried. Shaky continued to hug me.

"I know Kate I know… but I think you should at least try… I mean you haven't showered… your breath is… I just think that you should at least leave to freshen up. You'll feel better" Shaky said, holding me close. I didn't reply. I simply kept sobbing. "Kate… Rick hasn't made any progress… when he starts showing some signs then you can come back. The hospital will let you know but right now… right now he's… he's not-"

"Don't you fucking say it!" I growled, pulling away from him aggressively. He looked at me as if he was hurt but he knew what had to be done. I still thank him for it. He did what he needed to do. He reached out, cupping my cheek.

"Kate… I know you're hurt, believe me I've been there" he tried saying. I slapped his hand away, panting in anger.

"No!... I'm not leaving him… is that why you came here? To tell me that there's no hope?" I huffed.

"No no. I still think he'll pull through Kate but now is not the time… I know he'll pull through… but you gotta leave him… you gotta live" Shaky said gently. I panted before hitting him in the chest. He said nothing as it didn't do much to him, but then I began balling my eyes out as I started hitting his chest again and again, standing up out of the chair and backing him up into the wall.

"No! No no no! I'm not leaving him! I don't wanna leave him! He's gonna wake up. He's got to!" I yelled as I hit him repeatedly.

"Kate… Kate stop!" Shaky yelled before pulling me into another hug, shoving my muzzle into his chest where my cries were now muffled. We stood there at the edge of the room holding each other. Finally I pulled my head from him and we both panted on each other. Our breath warming our faces in yet another emotional scene where it would have been extremely easy to lock lips. We stood panting on each other for a while before Shaky finally spoke again.

"We… we gotta leave… please… come with me" he begged. Still my sobbing had not let up.

"I… I hate this… why won't he wake up Shaky why?" I asked in anger, now not directed at him.

"I don't know… I don't know Kate… but… you can't stay here… not while he's in his state… you can visit him but… you have to leave… I'll be with you the whole way through if you want… someone who knows how this feels… please Kate… please…" Shaky begged. Finally I looked up to him and saw that tears had filled up his own eyes which made me feel awful. He was losing family by Rick being in here too, and here I was making it all about me. But I couldn't help it. I just missed him so much. But the thought of someone who knew what it was like to lose a loved one, a soulmate even offering to be with you to calm you and help you through it all… it sounded good, like a warm invitation that I couldn't pass up. We continued to stare into each other's hurt and watery eyes, still muzzle to muzzle almost touching as I began to nod slightly.

"Okay… I'll try it" I whispered. Shaky smiled as a tear ran down his cheek, pulling me into another hug. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry" I sobbed.

"It's okay Kate just… thank you" he replied, holding me close. Leaving was still hard, but I made sure that I gave Rick a nice and sweet kiss on the forehead before leaving. Afterwards we left and went to my place where I freshened up and spent some well needed time with a great member of my family.

"This boy," Vogal began, catching my attention as I finished telling her what happened. "Do you have romantic feelings for him? It sounds as though you're growing closer and closer" she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, sounding annoyed.

"Well the love you have for this other wolf. I wouldn't want you to do something that you might regret and have sexual relations with Shaky. From what you're telling me it sounds as though a slip up is highly likely" Vogal explained. I sighed aggressively.

"Yes… I do have feelings for him, and I already said that I would have had sex with him, but not while my lover is alive. And don't think of this as some, well if one of them is dead then I'll just bone the other. It's not like that… not at all… I'm still hurting without Rick… he's the only one I ever want… but it was temporary partners… that's what it would've been. Partners until we meet with our soulmates after we pass" I explained AGAIN.

"Yes but it sounds as though this young man is getting his hopes up. Like he still has a chance with you" Vogal explained. There was a moment of silence as I cocked my head and felt my ear twitch with anger.

"What is it that you think I'm gonna do Dr Vogal? Do you think I'm a slut that's gonna abandon my lover, my soulmate and go to Shaky and just… drop my pants and ride his dick until he cums in me?" I asked angrily. The reason I was so descriptive was because of her weird questions earlier. She explained it but it was still odd to me.

"Kate I simply asked if you had any feelings for the boy" Vogal replied with her own hint of annoyance. I scoffed.

"Yes… I love him but not like that. And if he thinks he has a chance with me then I'm sorry that he made that mistake. He's just been a really big help" I explained, crossing my arms.

"But not so much so that you still tried to do what you did," Vogal said. I felt myself grow furious as I leaned forward, growling as I felt my fur stand up, my teeth fully on display.

"Fuck… you…" I growled through gritted teeth.

"Kate… do you often blame others for things that happen around you? Or do you stop to look at yourself?" Vogal asked, ignoring my insult. I shook my head, biting my lip.

"Fuck you" I repeated, this time without all the hatred and rage. Vogal sighed and scooted back in her rolly chair to look under her desk. I kept my arms crossed as I eyed her to see what she was up to. She had a mini fridge under there and opened it up, pulling out a bottle of water which she offered to me. I kept my arms crossed, glaring at her with hatred. She shrugged.

"Fine, it's right here when you want it" she said, putting it on her desk and rolling back to where she sat before. "So… you mentioned that you went back to school. How was that?" Vogal asked, flipping through her papers before turning to me again. I kept glaring. "Kate, how old are you?" she asked. A few moments of silence before I answered.

"Seventeen" I answered.

"Then please start to act like it. You're almost an adult and I can tell from simply talking to you over the past hour that you're stronger and better than this. We don't have to be friends, we just have to get to the route of your problems so that you're no longer on watch" Vogal explained. At first I felt angry at what she said to me, but then I groaned. If it was to get me off of suicide watch. But the problem should be obvious. And had it really been an hour?

"The problem should be obvious Doc… I just want my soulmate back" I explained sadly.

"Yes I know that, but I'm looking for more than just why you did what you did" Vogal replied. I felt myself grow confused.

"What do you mean? What else are you looking for?" I asked.

"School… How did things go?" Vogal repeated, ignoring my question. I rolled my eyes with a sigh before explaining.

I remember my alarm going off and me feeling extremely tired. It was another cold and restless night. Of course when the sun started to come up was when I finally began to doze off. I had just grown so used to the company and warmth of my partner during the night, even when our warmth became too much and we would sweat throughout the night, causing the blankets to stick to our bodies, but even so we still stayed wrapped in each other's arms all night. I missed it, and to not have it felt so cold and lonely. I was freezing, even with all my fur that Rick always told me was so soft and warm… and perfect.

My alarm went off, yanking me from my peaceful sleep, always when I wasn't having one of my recurring nightmares. I tapped snooze and fell back asleep, but it was if as soon as I hit snooze my alarm went off again. I growled in hatred as I hit stop and sat up in defeat. The best thing that I could do was shower to wake myself up. I had done so along with my other morning duties and then met Lilly downstairs. Before I went back she had been riding with Humphrey and then meeting Shaky there. She never said anything but it must have felt so empty and depressed not having everyone there. I missed the whole group being there which was always the highlight of my morning.

I missed seeing Rick and Angel hop out of the truck and meet with me and Lilly. Humphrey and Shaky in the mix as well. It pained me to know that it would never happen again, even with Rick there. I still missed Angel. But then again who didn't? She was such a sweetheart. I missed her so so much. I felt as though I really did lose a sister. I thought about the times we had hung out just us two, and how she made fun of Rick and I for fucking so much. Good times which would sadly never return.

"Ready to go Lilly?" I asked.

"Yeah" Lilly said quickly, seemingly afraid to speak as she could sense that I really didn't want to go back. I was so upset that I didn't even make a coffee run which I knew I would regret later but coffee wasn't what I needed or wanted. I just wanted my family back. One day Kate, one day. Rick's truck had been sitting in our driveway for months now and every time I saw it I grew sad. But it also wasn't a surprise when we pulled in next to Shaky and Humphrey and the truck wasn't there. Part of me hoped it would be like the other times that it wasn't there. When Rick had overslept and still had to wake up his sister. But again that would never happen again. Especially since we lived together now, although when I graduate this year I might never experience waking up for school with my boyfriend.

"Hey Kate" Humphrey smiled as me and Lilly approached him and Shaky. They had been talking about something, probably me. I hoped they weren't worried for me. I just had to get through these days of school and then I would have the rest of the day to myself. It was good to see the pair care that I made it though as they're tails wagged while we approached them.

"Hey guys" I greeted back with a smile, although my ears were flat on my head. Lilly walked over to Humphrey to wrap her arms around him, pecking his lips and locking eyes afterwards. Shaky took the opportunity to walk over to me fully and say in a quiet and understanding tone.

"Hey Kate" he greeted first.

"Hey" I said with another slight laugh and smile.

"Listen Kate… if you need a moment, or someone to talk to during the day you have my number. Just message me and I'll come find you alright?" Shaky offered. My smile faded as I felt myself feel welcomed once more. I nodded.

"Okay… thanks" I said. Shaky patted my shoulder just as the bell rang. I heard another smack from Lilly and Humphrey's lips before Humphry spoke.

"Well, that's us," he said, letting go of my sister's back. She stopped standing on her tippy toes and turned to the group which was really just me and Shaky.

"You okay Kate?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered. It was a lie though, such a huge fucking lie. I walked into school, going to my locker for the first time in. I don't know how long as I got stares and such from everyone around me. At this point though I didn't know what for. Losing my sister, losing my boyfriend for a period of time, killing Mindy, being gone for so long, I didn't know. But I didn't like the attention I got before, and I definitely didn't fucking like this. I collected my books and such when I heard a voice behind me.

"Hey Kate" it greeted. I slammed my locker shut, turning to them in anger.

"What?" I asked angrily before my face quickly softened. For some reason I assumed it was some dumb ass up to no good. But it was Winter, holding her books to her chest and looking upset at the way I had just snapped at her. "Winter! Oh my Gosh I'm so sorry. I just… I'm getting a lot of looks" I explained, feeling guilty.

"It's… fine… everyone knows about what happened… and Rick… why didn't you tell me?" Winter asked.

"I… I didn't tell anyone Winter… I thought he was dead… I was grieving" I answered.

"You didn't return any of my texts," she replied. I felt my heart skip a beat.

"I didn't know you texted me" I said. Winter sighed.

"It's fine… we missed you… we were kinda hoping that you would sit with us today at lunch?" she asked with a nervous smile and a head tilt. She kept her books to her chest like an average school girl cliche, although I think it was more or less to protect herself from rejection. I couldn't tell her no though… but what about my family? Hopefully they wouldn't feel a type of way… I would just let them know beforehand.

"Alright sure" I said, offering another weak smile. Winter's face lit up a bit as I gave her my answer.

"Great… I'll let the girls know. Oh also the outside area is open so… you know how we always sit out there when it's nice out" she explained.

"Alright… see you there" I replied. Just then the bell rang again, signaling us that we should get to class.

"I'm gonna go, it was nice seeing ya" Winter smiled.

"Yeah, nice seeing you too," I replied. Winter then did something that I wouldn't expect from her. Loosely due to the books in her hand she gave me a hug, trying to comfort me. I stood there wide eyed for a moment before hugging her back.

"I'm so sorry about Rick" she said before letting go and staring me in the eyes again. "We'll talk in a bit okay?" she added.

"Yeah… sounds good" I said awkwardly. Winter offered a warm smile before walking along to get to her class. I watched for a moment as she left down the hall, and then once more realized the stares I was getting from others who thought they were being sneaky.

I left, going to class where I sat looking at Rick's empty spot, making me miss him even more than I already did. Teachers seemed to be giving me extra attention, whether that be to pat my back, give my chin a quick scratch or simply check if I was alright. I did my work at a slow pace but no one said anything. I could hear whispering all around me to the point where I thought the topic was on nothing but myself. It made me feel unwelcome. As if I was a monster. Maybe even wrong for what I did. Even after what the priest had told me. At one point I had excused myself to go to the bathroom where I cried for over ten minutes. I wasn't given a snarky comment by the teacher thankfully when I returned, and because of the dampness in the fur on my cheeks and slight redness to my eyes, I think he knew what I was really doing in there. It made him feel guilty as he could also hear the whispering and all that, making him enraged. Really it was out of his control though. At one point when I was in computer class my teacher had sat in the spot next to me and he wrapped an arm around me.

"Hey Kate, I just wanted to let you know that if you need to talk or anything that I'm here and my prayers are with you, I really do pray for you and I want you to know that your strong for going through what you did and continuing to come out on top" he said with confidence and sorrow, much better than what the principal shat out when he was talking about Angel.

"Thanks" I replied. He gave me a pat and then it was back to the day. School continued like this until eventually I was at lunch and I had told Shaky to tell the others that I was sitting with my friends to catch them up and what not. He understood and told us that I knew where to find them if I changed my mind. I remember sitting down, hoping that things were not too awkward.

"Hey Kate. I feel like it's been so long" Candy said, eyeing me with a smile.

"I know… things have just been so fucked up" I said, resting my head on my hand.

"So… how's Rick?" Sweets asked, sounding as if she was scared to ask the question. Winter shot her a quick look that said to shut the fuck up but I expected this.

"Well… he isn't making any progress, for the most part I've just been spending my days sitting with him and holding his hand, waiting for him to wake up" I explained. Sweets and Candy looked as though they wanted to ask me something else, probably about Mindy but did not thankfully. "It's been really cold at night without him… I just… I miss him" I added.

"Hey… I'm sure he'll wake up soon, and when he does… maybe we'll get to finally meet him" Sweets said. I sighed with closed eyes.

"Hopefully" I replied.

"I mean the little bit that Winter has talked with him… he seems like a real sweetheart. I can't wait to meet him" Candy explained. Winter looked over to Candy and then back at me.

"He really is a nice guy… perfect for you" she said.

"I know… we'll set something up… eventually" I said, hoping that the future was brighter than it seemed. There was a moment of nothing but silence as we sat there awkwardly. I felt bad for bringing such a vibe to the table and was about to get up and leave before Candy said something else.

"Hey Kate… what are you doing after school?" she asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know… hospital maybe? Maybe hanging out with Shaky or something" I explained. "Why?" I asked.

"Well… we were hoping that maybe we could do something, have a little get together at my place since my parents are out of town" Candy offered.

"Um… I don't know" I said with an awkward smile.

"Oh come on Kate… just try to spend some time with us. It's been so long since we hung out… plus we're worried about you" Winter said. I would have said no, but because Winter seemed as though she cared so much and she was probably my best friend out of the three…

"Alright… fine" I said.

"I'm happy that you decided to go that night," Vogal said as I finished telling her about what happened that day at lunch. "How did school go after that? Any altercations or anything?" she asked.

"No, it was the same. I would go, feel miserable, excuse myself to cry and then go see Rick at the hospital afterwards… sometimes I would spend time with Shaky" I explained.

"So things haven't gotten better at school?" Vogal asked.

"No… people look at me like I'm a monster… I'll probably never get into a good college with this on my record" I explained sadly.

"I disagree… Like I said, you're a smart and strong girl. The fact that you survived such an ordeal might help you. Hell… you can use me as a reference if you like" Vogal offered. I looked up at her surprised. I honestly didn't expect that. "So you didn't… hang out with your friends after that?" she asked, not giving me time to respond.

"No… I still talk with them but… I don't know" I said.

"Well what happened that night?" Vogal asked.

I remember going to Candy's house. I stepped out of my car, seeing the three others as they were squeezed into the small driveway. It had been so long since I had been over here. It was a nice two story house which was painted yellow with brown shingles. The warm night air felt good on what little fur I had showing due to me still wearing my black leather jacket. I walked up and knocked on the door three times before waiting. It wasn't long before Candy answered with a smile.

"You came," she said with her wagging tail. She wrapped her arms around me and so I hugged her back.

"Yeah. I said that I would" I replied. She giggled and let go of me, stepping to the side so that I could come in. I stepped inside, the familiar smell of her house filling my nose as I did. She shut the door and then turned back to me.

"So we ordered pizza and stuff, it's in the kitchen if you want any, and we were just chilling in the living room watching stuff," Candy explained. I wasn't really hungry though on the count of my mood.

"Okay… thanks" I said. She giggled and took me by the arm, walking into the living room.

"Guys, look who I found outside" she exclaimed. I saw Winter sitting on the floor with an empty paper plate next to her, Sweets and Franklin who were apparently still together, sitting on the couch with an arm wrapped around each other, and family guy on the TV.

"Kate!" Winter said excitedly.

"Hey Kate. long time no see" Franklin said smugly.

"Hey guys" I said awkwardly, raising my hand to give a slight wave. Candy walked over to her other couch, letting go of me to do so. She sat down and then patted the spot next to her.

"We were just chilling and watching some TV. you know, just relaxing" she explained. I sat down next to her, turning to Winter.

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" I asked. She shrugged.

"I guess she just likes it down there," Sweets said. We sat for a while. Not doing much. Just watching TV. laughing, and talking from time to time. Well the others talked, I just sorta listened. Eventually Winter stood up as she held onto her plate.

"Hey I'm about to go grab another slice. Care to join me Kate?" she asked.

"Meh, sure" I said, standing up for the first time and following her into the kitchen. It felt kinda good to stand up after sitting on a couch for two straight hours. We walked into the kitchen where Winter did indeed grab another slice of pizza along with a wing or two. But she also wanted to talk to me.

"Hungry?" she asked. I shook my head with a smile.

"No, I'm fine. I… haven't really been in the mood to eat lately" I explained. Me and Winter paused our conversation as we heard footsteps go past the kitchen and up the stairs. We paid it no mind though.

"Kate… when's the last time you ate?" Winter asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know, I don't really eat much… had a bagel this morning" I admitted. Winter sighed and grabbed another paper plate, putting a slice of pepperoni pizza on there with four boneless wings before holding it out to me.

"Here… you need to eat," she said. I felt as though I had seen this before.

"Winter really I'm fine. I have been eating, just not much" I explained. I then noticed something about the food. "Hey… who ordered the food?" I asked. Winter sighed, putting the plate on the counter.

"Candy did," she answered. I thought so which made me even more confused.

"She hates boneless wings," I said.

"Yeah well… she knows that you love them so… that's why she ordered them… it was for you, she wasn't gonna force you to eat but… I think that you should eat. Not Even for her but for you" Winter explained. Again I felt guilty. She got that for me? That wasn't like her at all. It was nice to see that she cared but… I was tired of feeling guilty and sorry but… I couldn't help it. I just felt like an ass now.

"I…"

"It's fine… look… Kate… I know what you're going through is awful… and taking someone's life… it had to be hard… you know if you ever need to talk I'll be right there for you, we all will… and not having Rick around… I know how much you love him… I just wanted to say that I'm glad all these things haven't changed you. You're still the same wolf we all knew and loved before all of this… you're a little down but that's okay, it's what we're here for, and it's our job as friends to help you get there… so please…" Winter said, grabbing the plate again and holding it out to me. "Take another step forward?" she asked. As much as I didn't want to, I felt touched, so I took the plate and held it. I probably wouldn't eat all of it, but it was a start.

"Thank you" I said.

"Anytime Kate… we all love you, and I know that only Rick will bring you back to how you once were but… don't punish yourself please" Winter begged. I looked up from the plate and to her. I was going to respond but me and Winter cut the conversation short when we heard stomping past the kitchen.

"Those mother fuckers. I'm gonna fucking kill them" we heard Candy say angrily as she stomped up the steps. Me and Winter turned to each other before putting both of our plates down and following her. We both walked out of the kitchen and then jogged up the steps after her. As we ascended the stairs we heard muffled moaning as Candy stood by a door, banging on it.

"What's going on?" Winter asked as we approached her. She scoffed and then leaned to the door.

"You fucks are in my parents bed could you fucking not?" Candy yelled angrily, knocking on what was her parents door. All of a sudden everything made sense. WInter covered her mouth as she began to laugh. Candy took notice, turning to her and looking angry and disgusted. "It's not fucking funny" she growled.

"I disagree," Winter laughed. Candy scoffed and began banging on the door again as the moans on the other side continued.

"Come on, my parents are gonna fucking small you guys. Knock it the fuck off" Candy yelled. Finally she got a response.

"Hold on… we're almost done!" We heard Franklin call. The Next thing I heard was a slap as Candy face palmed cartoonishly. Winter laughed again as I shook my head, taking a few steps back.

"I'm gonna fucking kill them" Candy said before noticing my stance. "Kate?" she said. Winter turned around to face me as well.

"I… I think I'm gonna go guys" I admitted.

"Why? We could still have fun. Plus we'll have a show in a few minutes" Winter said, pointing to the door with her thumb. I just… I didn't want to be here though. This was too much for one day. First it was going back to school for the first time in months, dealing with people's shit, then it was seeing my friends who I had pretty much abandoned up until now, then it was working up the courage to get here, than it was feeling guilty over being an asshole, and yes I knew that by leaving it would make things worse for me but I didn't care, I wanted out. Because now it was this and on top of everything else, I had to do it without my partner…

"I just… I have to leave" I said, turning around to run down the stairs.

"Kate, wait!" I heard Candy call as she ran over. But by then I was already out the door and running to my car. I hopped in, started it up and sped off, never looking back. I buried my sorrow and regrets in Rick's chest as I cried into him at the hospital throughout the night, my phone vibrating for the first hour as my friends begged me to come back.

"So were they ever mad at you?" Vogal asked, making me feel scared about the truth.

"I think they were getting tired of me…" I answered as I thought of what happened at school the next day.

I stepped into the cafeteria, ready to sit with Humphrey, Lilly and Shaky when I looked outside to the table where me and my friends had sat yesterday. Candy and Sweets were there but Winter wasn't. I wondered how things went after I left but realized that I couldn't just go over there and ask like nothing happened. Winter must not have been in school because unlike yesterday she didn't visit me at my locker. Well either that or she was mad at me. I wouldn't blame her if she was, I was being obnoxious lately. By the end of this I probably wouldn't have any friends. I stopped looking over at the pair and went to go sit with my family when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Winter which instantly made me happy as my tail began to wag.

"Winter" I smiled.

"Hey Kate… you okay?" she asked, concerned. My tail slowed as my smile faded and guilt washed over me again.

"Yeah… sorry about that it was just… too much" I explained, feeling bad. I went to look away from her but she used her thumb to guide my face back to her direction.

"Hey it's okay… I know what I said in the kitchen is probably making you feel guilty but after everything… I get it…" WInter explained. I smiled at her as I felt as though I was forgiven. Still though I felt bad for what I had done, even though it wasn't much. "Were you gonna sit with them or us?" she asked. I turned around, looking at the three. It seemed so off over there without the rest of us making six. I sighed, I felt like I owed it to my friends after the way I behaved last night.

"I'll… sit with you guys" I said, turning back to Winter. She smiled and took my hand.

"Good, then let's go" she said, walking me outside. I sat down where I heard light arguing between the pair which had stopped as soon as I sat down.

"Hey guys, sorry about last night" I said, apologizing.

"Hey it's okay. We're sorry that we dragged you over there so soon. We should've given you more time" Candy replied. I looked over at Sweets who's smirk had dropped to a concerned frown once I sat down.

"It's fine. I just hope you guys don't think less of me" I said.

"Kate please, we love you. We can hang out again if you want just… you give us the say so okay?" Sweets offered. I smiled with another nervous laugh.

"Okay" I said. There was a moment of awkward silence before I asked my question. "So… what happened after I left?" I asked, curious to know. Candy scoffed.

"I'm never inviting this bitch over to my house again" she said, looking over at Sweets who was taking a bite out of a cookie. Sweets simply laughed at Candy's frustration.

"Good to hear that nothing became between you guys" Vogal said before I could continue. I guess she didn't care about it, not that I was surprised.

"Yeah… I'm really grateful for them… all of them" I said.

"So do you still plan to bring Rick around them once he wakes up?" Vogal asked.

"Yeah… that was the plan before things went to shit" I explained. "They really want to meet him. The guy who was so perfect that I fell for him" I added. Vogal snickered before moving onto the next question.

"So… tell me how things went after that," she said. I took a deep breath as I realized that not long after that there wasn't really anything relevant to mention except…

"Well… things went on like that for some time. I began texting my friends again. I went to and from school no matter how much I hated it, but whenever I wasn't in school I was either with Shaky or at the hospital" I explained.

"And you never spent time with your sister or her boyfriend?" Vogal asked,

"Once… but seeing them together it just… I felt as though I was back before I started dating and… I really didn't want to go back to those days if I didn't have to" I explained.

"Alright fair enough… So what happened?" Vogal repeated. I bit my lip, staring at her awkwardly before explaining everything.

It had been another month and still no progress. Me and Shaky had been sitting on the couch watching South Park as me and Humphrey were doing the night before airsoft when I got the call.

"Want me to pause it?" Shaky asked.

"No it's fine" I smiled. I answered the call and put it to my ear, trying to block out any noise around me, "hello?" I said.

"Hello, is this Kate?" a female said on the other end.

"It is. This is the hospital right?" I replied, recognizing the number when I looked at the phone before answering the call.

"It is. I'm afraid I'm calling with some bad news" she said. My slight smile faded as my heart stopped.

"What is it?" I asked. Shaky noticed my sudden mood change and paused the TV. he then sat up completely, as if trying to listen into the call.

"Well Rick has been in a coma for over three months now with no signs of progress. Sorry to say that if things don't change soon then his life insurance will no longer cover him and unless there is another income then we'll be forced to give up on him" she explained. My world stopped and my face grew hot. I felt as though I was going to faint but my anger kept me conscious.

"Your gonna unplug him unless we give you more fucking money?" I said in anger.

"It's not like that. It's that we're finding that there's no hope and there for no reason to keep him in the position he is now. We're not going to take him off of life support, we're just calling to give you the decision. You can either keep him alive and pay for it out of your own pocket by the end of the week, or you can make the decision to not do that and… he will be lost unfortunately" the person on the other end explained. I checked the number to see if it was indeed the hospital. Sadly it was. "We're not going to do anything without your say so but… we do need an answer by the end of the week" she added.

"You… you fucking monsters" I growled.

"Miss I understand that this is hard but it's for the benefit of him. He's been stuck in place for three months now. Do you really want him to stay that way?" she asked.

"Kate… what is it?" Shaky asked.

"Don't… don't fucking touch him" I growled. The women on the other end sighed.

"Alright then… we'll need to exchange payment by the end of the week" she said before hanging up the call. I lowered the phone as I began to sob uncontrollably. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't lose my mate again.

"Kate?" Shaky said, sounding even more concerned.

"You… y-y-y-you sh-s-should g-g-g-go sh-sh-Shaky" I cried, tossing my phone to the couch and standing up. I didn't know what I was gonna do? What was I gonna do? How could they?

"Kate-"

"GET OUT!" I screamed, full of rage and anger. Shaky stammered back into the couch as I began to ball my eyes out. I held my eyes, too afraid to look up. But Shaky reached out to me, pulling me in to try and calm me. It wouldn't work this time though. I pushed him away, continuing my wailing. "Shaky please… I wanna be alone right now" I cried. He seemed sad as his ears lowered.

"Kate… talk to me… what happened?" he asked. I cried for a moment before finally giving up.

"They're gonna pull Rick's plug" I answered. Shaky grew shocked as he stood before me, also not knowing what to do. Shockingly though he turned away and began to walk to the front door. "Shaky?" I called.

"Not now Kate… just not now" he said, walking over. He opened and closed the door forcefully, slamming it and making me jump. I guess he wanted to be alone as well. I looked around the living room as I began to hyperventilate. No one else was here with me. It was just supposed to be me and Shaky until my parents came home from work. They wouldn't be here for another hour.

I screamed and cried as I sat on the couch, waiting for my parents to come home while also being alone with my own thoughts. I think that's where things went wrong. I had decided that I wasn't going to lose Rick again. I walked up the stairs, not knowing what I was doing, but my blood pressure was so high right now that I just needed to do something other than sit there and scream. Tears ran down my face as I went into my room, laying my eyes on the chess board again. I panted as I ran my fingers across it, getting dust on them which broke my heart even more. Why was this happening WHY? I felt so angry. Why couldn't I just be happy? Why couldn't I just be with my family? Why couldn't I just have the live that I fucking deserved. Hadn't I been through enough?

I walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me to clean myself up. The plan was to rub some water on my face, maybe take a quick shower to calm down, but once I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror… all I saw was a pathetic dumb she wolf who couldnt handle jack shit, and got everybody around her hurt. I grew furious, this time at myself and wanted nothing more than to hurt me. I was tired of this. Why did Rick have to fall for me? And why did he have to stick with me? Couldn't he see that there was someone better for him? Someone who wouldn't get him hurt or killed? Him and Angel would be alive right now if it wasn't for me… and it was that thought that made me realize…

"I hate you" I whispered brokenly as I looked in the mirror, tears still running down my face. "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU!" I screamed as I began to pound on the mirror, finally I threw a punch at it and it shattered, raining glass down which made me step back and ball up. Slowly I pulled my arms away from me and looked at the damage that I had done. Fuck… my parents were gonna kill me… wait… the glass… an idea crossed my mind, that I never thought would. If they were gonna pull his plug… and there was nothing I could do about it because let's be realistic… we probably couldn't afford this if there was no insurance involved… if they were gonna pull Rick's plug then let them… I would be long gone before then and when Rick died… we would be together again.

I thought this as I reached for a shard of glass shakily, tears still pouring down my face. I picked it up and pressed the sharp tip of it to my left wrist. I looked up and away from it as I was now silent, biting my lip. Here goes…

"I… I love you Rick… please… forgive me…" I sobbed before squeezing my eyes shut and shoving the glass inside, cutting myself. I yelped out in pain as I sliced downwards, feeling a piercing sting and then burning as blood already began piling onto the floor and down my arm. I gritted my teeth as I yelled and cried, trying to push through the pain when all of a sudden the door swung open forcefully, making me turn around with my eyes opened to see my mother standing in the doorway in horror. She let out a blood curdling scream as she ran towards me to grab the glass from me. But by the time she made it to me I dropped the glass and collapsed into her arms, feeling weak.

"KATE!" she screamed.

"M-m-m-mom? I-i-i-i-i'm s-s-s-so… s-s-s-s-sorry" I whispered as I blacked out. The next thing I remembered I was waking up in the hospital with an extreme pain in my wrist. I grunted, opening my eyes and looking over to see a bandage wrapped around me as I laid in the familiar but uncomfortable hospital bed. Another sharp pain made me grit my teeth once more and then look over to my right where I saw my mom and dad sitting in a chair both asleep. It was only then that I noticed that it was the middle of the night and I had spent a long time here… already I had felt guilty for what I had done.

"What did your parents tell you when they woke up?" Vogal asked, snapping me out of my own memories as I told the story. I sighed, feeling disappointed in myself. I hated that memory and wished I didn't do it.

"My mom said that… she was thankful I was alive… that she was disappointed in me… and that what I did was selfish… she gave me hell for it… I guess I can't blame her… she made me go on meds and now I'm here" I explained. Vogal wrote down something and then turned to me again.

"But you haven't been taking the meds have you?" she asked. I stared at her for a moment before answering.

"No" I shot out. She wrote down something else and then turned to me, hands folded as she held the pen between her fingers.

"Well Kate… I think I know what's going on with you" Vogal said. My eyes widened sarcastically as I lifted my arms up and put them back down.

"Please… tell me" I said.

"Well firstly… what's happened with the life support since then?" Vogal asked. I scoffed. Could she drag this out any more?

"Well it's still not the end of the week but… mom already said she would pay for it" I explained.

"So why didn't you wait for her to come home?" Vogal asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know… I just found out that they were gonna pull my soulmates plug so… I wanted to be with him" I answered.

"Well Kate… I think that whether you know it or not, you wanted to survive that night. Since there was still hope of you being with Rick again. You had doubts as you were doing it didn't you? Which is why you didnt go all the way in your arm, hence while you're here right now" Vogal explained.

"Are you saying I did this for attention?" I growled.

"No. Believe me, the last thing that I think you want is attention. I think that you want to be with your lover again, that much is obvious. It's also obvious that you would do anything to have that happen, but you held back, and that's the most important thing. That's why you're still here, and even if you did attempt it again you would do the same thing even if your partner was dead because you don't want to leave your family behind. Those kids, and your parents. You would feel as though you would be letting them down, so even if you did go for it again you would hold back again, you would… live again. Do I think you're going to do it again? No. not while your partner is still alive anyway. For that I'll have to let your mother know and if you wish you can schedule another appointment to talk with me again but right now I think you're okay" Vogal explained.

"I didn't want to talk with you in the first place" I scolded.

"I know that… but as I said we don't have to be friends. I just have to make sure that you're still alive by the end of the day… I think that things will go back to normal once your partner wakes up" Vogal said,

"But when is that gonna happen? There's still no signs of progress. Nothing!" I exclaimed.

"You're impatient… and I understand why… love is a very powerful thing… but even if it takes a year your partner will wake up, and when that happens I'll be honest with you… only then will you begin to feel happy or normal again" Vogal explained. I tilted my head as I stared at her in disgust.

"I just went through all this for you to tell me what I already knew" I said.

"No. You vented, and it will help you a lot, believe it or not. But also it helped me see that as long as your partner is alive, you won't do anything stupid, it will also get the others off your back. Also I think you figured out some things that you didn't know" Vogal explained. Still I scowled at her, making her sigh. "Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?" she asked.

"No… I want to see my partner" I pouted. Again Vogal sighed.

"Very well… I'll be in contact with your mother and if she thinks you need to talk to me again I'll see you shortly" Vogal explained. I stood up, and went for the door. "Oh and Kate?" Vogal called, turning to me in her chair. I stopped at the door to turn back to her.

"Yeah?" I said.

"I know you might think you're a bad person, or that you should feel guilty for the things you did. But don't. The best way to move past these things is to act like they never happened unless they make you stronger. And sadly in your case it doesn't. So just try not to think about it, continue to talk and have a healthy relationship with your friends and… just do what's best for you" Vogal instructed. I looked away from her to think about what she just told me as I kept my hand on the door knob. She was right, those weren't bad words to live by. Finally she said something that made sense. Only if the whole session could've gone that way. I looked back up to her.

"Sure thing" I said, opening the door and leaving, not even bothering to shut it. I walked back down the hall, out into the still dead waiting room, outside and into my car. I went to turn the key after putting it in the ignition but stopped, holding it in place. I don't know why but… something about it all just made me feel so angry. Like I was at fault and now everyone including myself saw me as the problem.

I lashed out, screaming and punching my steering wheel, trying to get the anger out. I just wanted things to go back to normal. I wanted Angel back, my partner, my family. Everything. And now I was doomed to go back home, be watched as if I was some stupid bitch who couldnt help herself, and be looked down on not only by my parents and sister, but the whole world once the news finally got out. I just felt so angry and I wanted it to stop.

I punched the wheel one last time, trying to catch my breath as I panted. I felt another pain in my wrist, making me check my bandage as I kept on taking deep warm breaths in and out. This time… there was blood.