Kate's POV
Humphrey stood up, putting his shirt and shoes on quickly telling me that he loved me but couldn't do what we were about to do. It was only then that I realized what I was about to do, and who I was about to do it with. Just as Humphrey left the room and I heard his footsteps running down the stairs I slapped the sheets out of anger and frustration, beginning to cry again. I guess Garth was right all that time ago. I really was a whore.
Immediately I felt extremely disgusted with myself. I didn't even bother to put my shirt back on. I simply curled up and began crying again. This was great. Even more hurt caused by me. When was I gonna stop? Not only that but now I had to live with what I almost did, and although I didn't actually do anything, the fact that I came so close fucking disgusted me. Again showing that Rick deserved better than a stupid tramp like me. I sat crying with my teeth gritted, feeling disgusted with myself. Not only was it bad that I was in a loving relationship, but so was Humphrey. With my sister no less. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was so grateful he stopped me but… why did I do that? Why did I accept his kiss?
Was it because of all the grief and trauma I've been going through? Mixed with all my emotions, and feelings for Humphrey? Or was it all just because I was a dirty slut? I had already decided. It just seemed like no matter how much I tried I just kept on hurting people. Nothing was ever going to fix me. Not therapy, not family, not meds, nothing. Not even my soul mate because every time he tried to spend time with me and live his life he ended up hurt. Humphrey was wrong. Garth may have been fucked up but I really was the problem. Was he gonna tell Lilly? What would she think? If she found out that I took him away from her then she would hate me forever.
At some point I looked up, looking around the room. I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for but I looked up. I think I just needed some light, and the oncoming headache isn't helping me either. I sniffed, trying to calm myself. But I couldn't. I hated myself… so fucking much. Everything about me I hated. I couldn't seem to fix this problem even though I was the only one who could. I stood up off the bed and began to walk over to the bathroom. Once inside I opened up the cabinet and grabbed the bottle of headache pills. I took two, popped them in my mouth and then ran some cold water into my hand, wetting the fur on it and then quickly slipped it up, wetting my muzzle in the process. I went to look in the mirror but there still was no mirror after I broke the last one. Dad had yet to replace it. I sighed, gripping onto the sink for a moment. I still couldn't believe that just happened. I rubbed some cold water on my face, rubbing my eyes to make them feel better from the crying. It felt nice, but everything else… it couldn't be worse.
I left the bathroom, stopping to grab my shirt along the way. I then made my way down stairs after putting it back on. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and then walked over to the living room, sliding the back door open and stepping outside. I shut it and took a seat in one of the chairs, looking out into the backyard. From there I could see the usual view of my pool, gazebo and shed, along with the back of my neighbors house and the fence that separated it. I twisted off the cap of the water bottle and took a long sip. It felt good as it ran down the back of my throat. I swallowed it and then put the bottle on the table next to me. I felt myself relax into the chair, staring out into space as I enjoyed the warm spring air. It wouldn't be long until we put that pool to use, having our summer barbeques and having fun.
I took a moment to reflect on those times. I remember a lot of Humphrey coming over and hanging out with Lilly. My parents inviting friends and having a great time, the birthday's we would throw Lilly since her birthday was in the summer and she really just liked to hang out by the pool. Speaking of which I remember her spending a lot of time with Angel as well at the pool. Maybe more than Humphrey even. I remember being a bit of a buzz kill, sitting in one of these chairs and being alone while everybody else was having fun. I had wanted to spend the time in my room but mom insisted that I stay out with everyone else. I remember everyone else coming over as well to have a good time. I think I even remembered Rick. long before I paid him any mind. I still felt guilty about that, knowing how he felt about me even then.
Come to think of it… yeah I do remember him being there, more than just in the background. I remember sitting up here, mostly talking to dad as he grilled. People would come out, grab a burger, maybe a hot dog and then fuck off. He really only talked to mom and his friends. Mostly Rick's dad if I remember correctly. But not only was my dad the food station but the boxes of sodas along with the coolers were also right here next to him.
"Why don't you go out and talk to people, you can't sit there all day" dad told me. I remember feeling a heavy feeling in my chest. Not because I was nervous but because there was no point. That and I knew the little shits around me were gonna be eye humping me the second I got in the pool, they just wanted to see me in a bathing suit, getting my fur wet and looking like a model, at least to them. I never saw it that way.
"I just… I don't want to dad" I said. All of a sudden Rick came up, grabbing a coke out of the box.
"Did you want something else Rick?" dad asked. Rick smiled, amazing how he managed to back then even though we were both in the same boat. Maybe he felt worse though because he knew who he loved.
"No, I was just grabbing this for Lilly" he replied, holding the can up. He then turned to me and I remember thinking that I wanted nothing to do with him. He took it a step further though, walking over and sitting next to me. "Hey" he greeted, leaning over to look at me. I turned to face him.
"Hi?" I said awkwardly. I wanted him to leave.
"You've been sitting here all day by yourself. Why don't you come hang out with us? It's not like you don't know us" Rick replied. Funny he said that because he knew me, but I didn't really remember him all that well.
"I don't know you. Please just… I don't want to" I said, turning away from him. I saw dad eye me from the side as if he was disappointed but he said nothing. I remember feeling like Rick was one of those little shits that just wanted me there for eye candy. I was wrong though… and if I didn't push him away then…
"Well… if you change your mind" Rick said, standing up and walking away. I turned to him again, only to watch him walk down the porch steps and over to the side of the pool, handing Lilly her soda and then sitting next to her along with everyone else. Everyone being the people that I would later call my closest family.
I squeezed my eyes shut remembering everything. Again I felt awful for the way I treated him… but he always came back didn't he? Never pushy like Garth… I think he just wanted to see me happy… like a partner should. I remember when we first started dating. I had that dream about the barbeque and he was there. Well… I guess it was before we started dating. At the time I was still trying to figure out how I felt about him. From that point on after I had that dream I couldn't wait to spend the summer with him by the pool. Having someone to love while everyone else around me had the same. I wouldn't feel left out. Hopefully Rick would make at least some type of progress before summer ended. I prayed so much that he would wake up soon but… nothing. By now how wounds from the stabbing had healed and because of that he didn't need a machine to breathe but… still… no signs of progress.
I grabbed the water bottle, taking another sip and then putting it back down. I then shook my head. Thank God Humphrey caught himself. We would be having sex right now if he didn't stop us. I felt myself grow disgusted again. Is this how Angel felt when she slept with him? I remember Lilly telling me about how she broke down over it many times. Feeling like a whore… yeah… she did feel this way. Even though we did it for different reasons… well I didn't do it… but still, I was about to. I scoffed, the thought of it all and the fact that I would have enjoyed it made me angry at myself. What the fuck was wrong with me? I really wanted to know. My eyes landed back on the pool again.
I really hoped that me and Rick could go for a swim sometime. Maybe even go down to the lake like Humphrey and Lilly talked about. I thought of the time I had walked outside one night while the pool lights were on. It was about eight o'clock at night, and it was warm. I think I went outside to enjoy it and clear my mind but when I looked in the pool I saw Humphrey and Lilly having sex there. I remember feeling heart broken because at the time I was still in love with him. I watched for a minute and I'll admit I was turned on by the sight and… even thought about doing it in the pool at a later date. Something about the way the water made its gentle sounds along with the kissing and slight moaning of each lover. It was just my scene. Somehow, even with the noise of the sliding door they didn't hear me. I guess they were really into it. I watched until Humphrey finished and then went back inside. I remember almost breaking down from heartbreak and then… as much as I'm ashamed to admit it, I masturbated at the thought of Humphrey doing that to me that night. It could've been me now but… I guess I found someone better for me.
The sliding door opened up next to me, making me jump and knocking me out of my thoughts. I turned around swiftly to see it was mom. She turned to me and seemed surprised by my presence.
"Kate? You're here? I thought you and Humphrey went to do something" she said. I shook my head.
"No, Humphrey left" I replied. Mom seemed a bit confused.
"He… left?" she asked. I nodded.
"Yep… he left" I repeated.
"But… he…" mom groaned in what sounded like a hint of anger as she went back inside, shutting the door behind her. It was then that I remembered that he was supposed to watch me until she got back. I felt guilty as I probably just got him in trouble. Great, I hurt someone again. Maybe I should've died that night. Everyone is telling me that I can't think like that and that they need me but… I couldn't help but think of how much easier it would be for everyone if I wasn't around. Or at least what wouldn't have happened if I wasn't around. Rick would have never fallen in love with me, he would have never gotten heart broken and hurt. He would have had his family still, and he would be awake and about right now… oh my God… Rick he… he lost his whole family because of me… and yet somehow… he still loved me… I… maybe he didn't think of it like that but… I couldn't help but think about it… I really didn't deserve him, he deserved someone else. I really wish that I didn't exist, then he would have fallen in love with another wolf and had a much better life.
There was just so much worry about me lately that it made me feel like everyone around me thought that I was doing it for attention. I really wasn't, that was the last thing I wanted but I already knew that the rumor of me doing it for that reason was already floating around school. Fucking school, thank God I was graduating… but without Rick by my side… going off to college without him… being alone… oh Rick please wake up… please…
I grabbed the water bottle again, taking another sip before twisting the cap on, and putting it back on the table. I began to think about graduation. Would I even be able to be happy if Rick wasn't there? I don't think so. There was no way that he would be either with school ending in about a month. Finals were coming up and here I was out again over a fucking episode. I was so disgusted with myself for more reasons than one now the more I thought about it. How would graduation have gone if Rick was there? I like to imagine our names being called, thanking our parents, and then running to each other's arms. We did it Rick. I would say before locking lips with him in our gowns. The love we would make later that night…
Maybe it was a good thing that Rick would miss graduation though. I know I would look out into the crowd for my parents to see them emotionally. My sister there cheering me on. What was it… me, Rick, Humphrey and Shaky would be graduating… yeah. I was losing my train of thought. What I was originally thinking was how I would purposely look out into the crowd for my family while Rick… he wouldn't be able to do that. He would only have a pain in his chest knowing that his family couldn't be there. But maybe they would be, he just couldn't see them. Either way it would hurt. And if Rick was hurt, I was hurt and vice versa.
I sighed, relaxing in the chair and closing my eyes. The spring air felt so nice, and while I enjoyed the cold and hated the heat, the middle ground was always nice. Along with the smell as well. No longer could I see my breath whenever I breathed. Instead it was warm as ever. Hopefully this summer won't be too hot. My thick coat certainly didn't help. But even if it was extremely hot, Rick would be there to make it better. Often I spend time passing out in my room because the air conditioning felt so good when it was real hot or muggy out. Making the room extremely cold and getting under the covers was always amazing, making me fall right out. The sound of the air conditioner would always help as well. Lilly never wanted an air conditioner in her room. The air throughout the house was always fine for her. Me though… I needed my air conditioner in the window. Every summer Dad would put it in the window for me. I could do it myself but, he never wanted me to in fear of me dropping it on my foot.
Another thought crossed my mind for a moment. The cold room, under the covers, air conditioning… it would be so much better if… oh Rick… why wont you just wake up? We would always sweat by the gallon when we made love, and that always relaxed me. Warming me up and holding me close, but with the air on and the heat between us… I think it would make it feel all the more better. Not to mention my partner being there to make me all the more comfy and happy. If all those things together were there during the summer, I don't think I would ever get out of bed. Dad would certainly appreciate the help. He would probably have Rick put the AC in my room. Or… I guess it was our room now. I sighed again at the thought of it all, as of right now it was just an impossible wish list. The sliding door opened again, making me turn my head to it as mom stepped out again. She held a cigarette in her hand as she shut the door and walked over to the other chair. Sitting down in it which in turn was next to me. She lit her smoke and took a long drag before puffing it out and speaking.
"I just called Humphrey," she said. I felt myself grow confused as I gave her a concerned look.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because, I needed him to watch you until I got back and he fucking left. What if something would have happened?" mom asked angrily. The question itself though made me a bit mad.
"I don't need a babysitter mom" I said angrily. Mom didn't reply but instead looked at my bandage, puffing out another smoke cloud from her mouth. I scoffed. "Look… I'm embarrassed about this, okay? I wish I'd never done it. I just… learned that I might have lost Rick again it… I didn't want to go through with it" I explained, softening up.
"Do you really think that's what Rick would want for you? Do you know how much that boy loves you? He isn't even dead. What if he woke up and asked for you? And I had to tell him that you were gone. Dead because you killed yourself" mom explained aggressively. I froze up. I hadn't thought of that.
"I… I don't know" I stuttered.
"No you don't know because you didn't even wait. Even if he did pass do you really think that's what he would have wanted for you?" mom asked again. I looked down at the floor.
"No… he told me what he wanted for me" I answered.
"Oh yeah? What was that? I mean I already know it but what was it?" she asked.
"He… he wanted me to find another mate… have kids, be happy… move on" I explained.
"Do you know who would say something like that? Someone who really… really loves you, and wants nothing more than to make you happy. Kate I've seen it. You're not just a toy to him. He loves you. I get you love him too but… it was just selfish… I already told you that though. The fact that you were willing to do that to you dad, your sister, your partner… me… you were willing to do that to me" mom listed.
"I know… I know… but… please… I don't wanna think about it" I said sadly. Mom stared at me for a moment before replying.
"Are you okay? You've been crying" she said. Immediately my ears shot up as I panicked. "Um… huh?" I asked.
"I can see it in your eyes. Humphrey seemed pretty upset too which is why I let him go. I wanted to ask you after I came outside and saw the look in your face. What happened?" mom asked, taking another drag on her smoke. Honestly I didn't know how to say it.
"I… a mistake… that's what happened" I said. I watched my mom's face grow confused as mine was moments before.
"What do you-" she stopped mid sentence as she put the pieces together. She took another long drag on her cigarette. I could already tell she was stressed out. I was petrified to speak. I just hoped that she wouldn't kill Humphrey. She exhaled and then looked dead in my eyes. "Did you go all the way with him?" she asked. Immediately I shook my head.
"No… we just kissed" I said in a whisper. I felt myself begin to tear up in fear of what she might say. I was surprised.
"I know you used to have a thing for him, and you're a beautiful wolf. You can have any guy you want. I'm sure of it. Same with your amazing sister. I get it, accidents happen, and because of the stress you two are under I know these things are possible. Especially at your age when your hormones ar at an all time high" mom explained.
"So… your not mad?" I asked. Mom took another shaky drag on her cigarette.
"No I'm fucking furious. But the only reason I'm willing to be as calm as I am right now is because of two things. One because of the stress that I just mentioned, and two because I know how much you two love your partners. Even if I didn't see that you were crying I know how you are feeling with yourself… I just want you to know that these things happen, and the fact that you didn't actually do anything with him says a lot. Just remember that" mom explained.
"But… he stopped me," I explained. Mom seemed to hesitate for a moment.
"Well… you're the most broken one out of them right now. It's true. I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't. Are you okay?" mom asked. I nodded sadly. Mom took one more drag before putting out her smoke before standing up and walking over to me, pulling me in a hug. "I love you" she said. I hugged her back tightly as I realized she was crying.
"I… I love you too mom" I said into her shoulder. Mom kept on crying as she practically squeezed the breath out of me.
"Never do that to me again… I cant lose my baby girl" she sobbed.
"I won't, I won't. I promise" I replied. Mom kept on hugging me as she cried for the next five minutes before she finally let go. It was then that I asked to spend some time with her. Something we hadn't done in literal years. Just me and mom. I don't remember much before Lilly was born, but I remember spending just a bit of time afterwards. It wasn't much. All I could really think of off the top of my head was when we went to stores or something. Maybe a brunch, like me and Angel used to do…
Mom offered to take me out but I knew she just wanted to stay home so instead we sat on the couch and watched movies. Dad came home around eleven o'clock and went upstairs after saying hi to shower and go to sleep. I don't think he even ate anything. Me and mom though ordered chinese food and had it delivered. Overall it was a pretty good time. After the final movie around twelve or so mom said she was turning in for the night. I gave her a kiss goodnight which was really something I hadn't done in years and then went to bed myself. Stripping down to my usual loose T-shirt and panties before crawling into bed and nuzzling into my pillow, taking long and steady sniffs, trying to capture me and Rick's scent before finally falling asleep.
I had another nightmare that night. I had gone to the hospital to see Rick again, sitting by his bedside and holding his hand. As always I would talk to him from time to time, catching him up on everything and saying how much I love him. While doing that also hoping that he would show at least some sign of progression. I had asked him to wake up, telling him that he needed to pull through for me. I thought it wouldn't work like always except… this time it did. He opened his eyes to look at me.
"Kate?" he said. I felt so excited as my heart started to race. I finally had my soulmate back. instantly I wrapped my arms around him, beginning to cry as I laughed as well.
"Rick! I thought I lost you! I… I missed you so much" I cried. He held me close as he always did and nuzzled me, I nuzzled back extremely hard. He laughed.
"Easy Kate," he smiled. I pulled back, looking down at him.
"Sorry. You've just been gone for so long" I said, wiping tears from my eyes. Rick chuckled and then did something odd. He took the needles connecting the IV bag and heart rate monitor to his wrist out. I thought it was strange but paid no mind to it.
"I know Kate, I'm sorry. I know three months is a long time to be away from your partner" he said. How the hell did he know? He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed, throwing his legs over the side.
"Hey easy, you just woke up" I said, putting my hand to him. He chuckled again.
"Come on Kate, I know you want to just make up for lost times" he said, taking my hand and standing up. I stood up with him and walked with him over to the counter of the room. I didn't know why he took me there but it made sense after he did. "Up you go" he said, putting his hands under my armpits and lifting me up. I yelped from being surprised as he sat me on the counter.
"What are you doing?" I laughed.
"Making up for lost times" he said before pressing his lips against mine. Already I felt myself relax as he kissed me. It had been so long since we had done this, and I had been desperately craving him for so long. Going through my whole heat without him was a nightmare that I hoped I never had to go through again. Here he was though. Kissing me and ready to have sex already. It was odd but I wasn't about to object. I:took my jacket off, throwing it on the ground as we kissed, me kissing him back fiercely as I had missed him so much. I never thought I would feel this again. I pulled him in, breathing heavily into the deep kiss, our saliva mixing in a gorgeous taste. The same one I remembered. I spread my legs for him, letting him get in between them, he broke the kiss to plant kisses across my muzzle as he worked his way down to my neck. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling, moaning in my mouth as I had longed for this. Rick reached my neck, giving it a lick before sucking on it as he often did. I held him close, moaning and hoping no one would come in. I had to be quiet. Rick laughed as he sucked on my neck, grabbing my attention.
"What?" I asked.
"You… you're just… you're such a slut. Doing what you did to me while I was in a coma of all things. In a coma for you as well. After everything you've done to me you were still willing to sleep with him… fucking slut" Rick explained, the whole time my heart dropping. My mind raced as I was at a loss for words. All of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my neck, making me gasp. I gripped Rick from the pain, squeezing his back as I finally realized that he was biting my throat. It began to pour blood out onto the floor, getting all over me. My eyes started to water from the pain, when all of a sudden I thought it made sense.
"I… I de-deserve this" I said as best as I could. Rick bit harder, making me gush and yell from pain. He pulled my head in, grabbing it forcefully to pull him in even farther in his mouth as he bit into my neck, he squeezed my head, making that hurt as well. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to bear the pain, but then Rick bit even harder somehow, taking his bite which made my eyes shoot open, and when they did I saw something I wish I could forget. Garth and Mindy were standing behind Rick as he bit me, except it wasn't just them. As they stood there they looked rotten and decayed, they're bodies being a fucked up twist of moldy flesh and bone, they're hands now long claws, too long to make sense. The worst part though was their eyes. They didn't have any. They're heads were the same as they're bodies. It was just a bit of flesh on top of they're skull. Which is why it didn't make sense that not only did they not have eyes, but they just seemed like black holes. Two big black holes where they're eyes should have been. The only reason I knew it was them was because of the little bit of scratches of fur that clung to they're rotted bodies. They just stood, watching the scene as the room caught on fire suddenly. But I couldn't move, Rick was keeping me in place as I bled out. It wasn't long before the whole room was engulfed in flames and the four of us were burning alive, me being the only one reacting to it as I screamed in absolute agony. The fire consumed my flesh and fur as I melted, never seeming to die as I was stung in constant pain, just barely catching glimpses of those dark potholes through the flames, watching us as we burned, seemingly not reacting in the slightest. Tears continued to run down my face even after most of my skin was gone as I was still in so much agony, screaming as loud as I could.
It was there that I finally woke up screaming. Screaming as I had finally broken free from my horrible nightmare. My heart raced as I was absolutely dripping with sweat. I sat up, just screaming until I realized as always that none of it was real, as I looked around my pitch black room, I had realized it finally. Now I just sat, panting and crying as the dream played in my head again. Suddenly my door opened and already I knew who it was. My parents came in, flicking the light on and sprinting to my bedside, my dad sitting on Rick's side as mom squeezed onto whatever room was left on mine. Mom, as usual, put a hand on me.
"It's okay Kate, you're awake now. It's over. It's over baby, it's over" she said. Even though I was as sweaty as I was, I still leaped on mom, pulling her in a hug as I sobbed. She held me close and calmed me down as usual, my dad going downstairs to grab a water bottle for me. I drank it as I often did, mom stayed up with me for awhile, talking with me about whatever came up and as usual offering to sleep with me for the rest of the night.
"It's okay mom… I'm fine" I said, even though I knew that wasn't true. This time though mom sighed.
"Kate… these nightmares… I don't know what to do" she explained, defeated. My ears flattened as I began to feel bad for my mom again. Every night since the whole Mindy thing I had woken up screaming at least three or four times a week, and everytime mom and dad were there to comfort me, understanding and patient. I was so grateful for them. But I also felt bad as I knew it interrupted them, not only that but they had to go to work the next day, and here I was fucking u they're sleep, almost demanding attention.
"I… I know. I'm sorry i just-"
"Kate you don't have to be sorry. What happened to you is… no kid should ever have to go through what you have. I still think that your one of the strongest people that I know, honestly… I don't even think I could have done what you did" mom admitted.
"I think you would have," I replied. Mom shrugged.
"Let's hope we never have to find out," mom said. There was a pause before she reached up, cupping my cheek. "My poor baby" she cooed. "I wish I could take it all away… are you sure you don't want me to sleep with you?" she asked. She took her hand away from my face, allowing me to reach over and grab my phone. I checked the time which read four thirty-two and sighed.
"No, I've bothered you enough," I said.
"Baby you're not bothering me, I just want to see you safe and happy again. I would do anything for you and your sister. You know that" mom replied.
"Yeah mom I know… but everybody has their limit" I said.
"Well not a mother for their child" she replied before pulling me in to kiss my forehead. "I love you" she said.
"Love you too mom" I replied. Mom smiled happily and then got off of the bed, walking over to the door. "Call me if you need anything," she said.
"Thanks" I replied. She nodded and flicked the light off, shutting the door and allowing me to take one more sip of water before laying back down. I nuzzled the pillow again as if I was going to sleep but didn't. I didn't want to go back to sleep, not after that one. So as I often did as of recently was reach for my phone and go on YouTube, watching videos in my bed until I eventually fell asleep again.
When I finally did manage to fall back asleep I didn't have any dreams. At least not that I could remember. I slept hard and peacefully, finally getting yanked from it when my phone began ringing. My eyes cracked open as it rang and vibrated. I hit silence on it, reaching for the button and then nuzzling back into my pillow to go back to sleep. I felt a surge of anger as the phone rang right after it stopped though. This better be important. I lifted my head, now awoken by my anger and looked at my phone. It was Lilly calling. I answered, putting it on speaker.
"What Lilly?" I said tiredly. Rubbing my eyes as I waited for her to reply to me.
"Hey Kate. Do you think you could come over to Humphrey's place?" Lilly asked, confusing me. I yawned, stretching a bit before answering her.
"Go to Humphrey's place? Why?" I asked.
"Because there's something I want to share with you two. Could you please just come?" Lilly asked. I sighed, slamming my head back into my pillow with a loud puff.
"Lilly, I was sleeping" I whined.
"Now, Kate, '' Lilly said, sounding a bit aggravated. I lifted my head again, looking over at the phone.
"Is everything alright?" I asked.
"Just get here" Lilly sighed before hanging up. Once she did I saw that the time was eleven o'clock. I hadn't gotten as much sleep as I would've wanted but I guess I had to get up now. I sat up fully, stretched and then went to the bathroom. I took a quick shower only because of all the sweat caused by my nightmare and then brushed my teeth. The usual thing I did. Dad had already gone to work as mom was downstairs. Maybe she thought we would spend more time together. She heard me coming down the steps and called to me from the kitchen.
"Morning Kate. what are you doing up?" she asked. I walked through the dining room and around the corner to where she was.
"Lilly called me, asked me to go over Humphrey's" I explained. Mom turned to face me and saw that I was dressed.
"Did Humphrey tell her what happened?" she asked. I shrugged.
"I don't know. Probably, I mean they've always been honest with each other and… well she seemed kind of angry with me" I explained. Mom sighed.
"Listen, I'm sure she'll understand what happened. She knows that you've been through a lot. Just keep me updated okay?" mom requested.
"Alright" I said, squeezing by to grab a water from the fridge. As I went to walk back mom pulled me into a hug and kissed my head, holding my cheeks with both hands.
"I love you," she said. I smiled.
"Love you too mom" I said. After that I left, grabbing my keys and hopping in my car. The whole time I drove I felt more and more nervous the closer I got to Humphrey's. If Humphrey did tell her then why was she asking me to go over there? Why did she say that she wanted to tell me something? It just didn't make sense. Either way I was about to find out. When I pulled into the driveway I saw that Humphrey's car was the only one that was there. I guess his mom went to work. I stepped out of my car, locking it before strolling up to the house. Before I could even ring the doorbell though the door swung open, and Lilly was standing there to greet me.
"Hey Kate," she said.
"Hey… what was it that you wanted to show me?" I asked.
"Come in" she said, walking over to the living room, leaving the door open. I watched her walk away before entering and shutting the door behind me. Walking into the living room I saw Lilly sitting on the small coffee table as Humphrey sat across from her, seemingly nervous. I froze in the doorway, looking between the two. "Take a seat" she said, gesturing to the only spot next to Humphrey. I walked over slowly and sat down, turning to Humphrey.
"Hey" I greeted.
"Hey Kate," Humphrey replied. I feel like there was a slight conversation as we made brief eye contact. One that said that she somehow knew, but he didn't tell her. Lilly began talking again, pulling both of our attention to her.
"So I understand that Humphrey went over to our house yesterday, Kate. he wanted to check up on you which is fine. What happened there I don't know I was hoping maybe you could fill in the blanks" Lilly explained. Again me and Humphrey exchanged glances.
"I… I just went to see her for a bit, hangout and then came back here" Humphrey explained, turning back to her.
"Humphrey… I don't know what you take me for. I love you, and I'm willing to set aside any problems to make this work out because I love you but… I'm also not the gullible idiot that everyone thinks I am. I know you two had a thing for each other at one point, and I also know that you two moved on from that" Lilly explained, I couldn't hold it anymore.
"What is this all about Lilly?" I asked.
"Well… last night Humphrey came over as was planned earlier that day. And we had sex… now everything was fine and good but I noticed that Humphrey was a little more agressive than usual, which to be honest I actually kinda liked. But when he finished, and I don't even think you realized this Humphrey you yelled someone's name… and it wasn't mine" Lilly explained, glaring at him. I looked over and watched the fur from Humphrey's face almost turn white as his ears dropped.
"What… what do you mean?" he stuttered.
"Do you guys want to tell me what really happened?" Lilly asked again. I was too caught up in Lilly's news though.
"You moaned my name?" I asked Humphrey. Humphrey scratched behind his neck as he answered.
"I… I didn't know" he said.
"He did Kate. I know something happened when he went over our house. Just tell me what. Wosrt thing is that you two had sex" she explained. Finally I sighed. I guess I would be the one to explain.
"Humphrey came over… we hung out and… I started talking about how much I miss Rick and how we still have each other. One thing led to another and… we kissed… that was it, we almost had sex but… Humphrey stopped it" I explained. Lilly looked over.
"You stopped it?" she asked. Humphrey nodded. "I… I find that really hard to believe. Why would you act so nervous if that's all that happened?" Lilly added.
"Because…. I didn't think you would believe that that's all that happened" Humphrey answered. Lilly closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Look… I get it, feelings last forever and we've all been in deep shit. I've always trusted you around each other and I will continue to do so, even if that trust is now minimized. But I know what you did was out of grief, especially you Kate. I know that you would never cheat on Rick. But the fact that this still happened… I'm willing to forgive both of you but… I just… I need some time" Lilly said, getting up.
"What?" Humphrey asked, sounding extremely worried. He stood up as well and went after her, stopping behind her once she turned around.
"I need some time, Humphrey. I still love you and I'm not going anywhere but I need some time. You almost slept with my sister. And how selfish of you. You stopped her yeah but did you need to go so far? I mean she's a fucking wreck right now and you went as far as to make out with her, you think I'm not going through it? I miss Rick, and you all know that I had feelings for him too, and Angel… my sister…" At this point Lilly began to tear up. "You two just aren't the only ones going through shit and now I had to find this out… so yeah, I need some time" she said, going to leave the room.
"Lilly wait" I called. She stopped and gave me a death stare that made me lean back a bit.
"I'm mad at you too Kate. so fuck off" she said, making me wince. She then turned back to Humphrey. "I'm gonna call Shaky to come pick me up, I'm not breaking up with you but I need some time. I will call you when I'm ready. As for what you two are gonna do when I leave. Talk shit, fuck, I really dont care. But I'm leaving" Lilly said before storming out of the room. Humphrey stood there in awe as she left, opening and slamming the front door as she left. Humphrey walked back over to the couch and sat down next to me again, sighing.
"We really fucked up Kate" he said as he buried his face in his hands.
"Yeah… I know… are you okay?" I asked, putting a hand on his back.
"I will be… I will be" he repeated as he started to crack. I sighed again, I wanted to leave, I wanted to spend time with my lover, hell I wanted things to go back to how they were, before everything went to shit.
"Humphrey… I'm gonna go okay? Just call me if you need anything alright?" I said. Humphrey simply nodded. I gave his back a pat and then stood up, walking out of the room and heading outside where Lilly was on the phone with Shaky. She gave me another glare which prevented me from asking her if she wanted me to take her home. I walked over to my car, hopping in and then driving off, heading to the hospital. The whole way there I was trying desperately not to break down. I was so fucking sick of crying and feeling sorry for everything. I just wanted to be happy again. Happy with my family.
It was a twenty minute drive before I pulled into the hospital parking lot. I then went through the usual process of checking in, getting a visitors clip, and walking to intensive care, bussing in before greeting the now familiar staff. By now I knew exactly where to go. I walked in, shutting the curtain and then walking over to Rick. I pulled up my usua chair, taking a seat and grabbing his hand. I sat for a moment, staring at him and studying his handsome face. Finally I spoke up.
"Hey Rick… it's me again. Are you alright? I really hope your having sweet dreams. Remember when I would always tell you that before you went to sleep? After we made love especially? I would always tell you sweet dreams and we would both sleep like puppies. I really miss you. It'sstill really cold at night, and it feels like half the bed is empty without you. I just hope you're with me soon. I was thinking about you yesterday. I remembered when you were at a barbeque my dad had thrown and you tried to talk to me… and I pushed you away. I was always talking about how I just wanted a boy to talk to me and yet there you were doing it and I pushed you away… again… why did you keep trying? Were your feelings for me that strong? I didn't deserve them. Not then, not now. I was such a bitch, I don't know why you ever chose me… but I'm so glad you did and for that I'm sorry. It's so selfish of me to think that, if you never fell for me you wouldn't even be here. You would be with another wolf, awake and happy with your family. I would still be miserable but it would be worth it as long as lives were not destroyed because of me… I just keep hurting people… I fucked up Rick… again, I just… I don't know who else to talk to. I know you probably can't hear me, but this time it's with my sister… and Humphrey. I just keep hurting people and I have no idea what to do anymore. Things are so bad without you, and I just want things to go back to how they were. I miss you… and I love you, and I will be here for you no matter how long it takes…just please… come back to me… I know you love me enough for you to come back, if you've held on for this long I know you will" I explained after ranting. "I… love you Rick" I said as tears fell.
Something then happened that made my heart skip a beat and be filled with joy. I felt a slight squeeze from Rick's hand, making me gasp and look down. He squeezed my hand just the slightest bit, moving his thumb in the process as he would often do whenever we held hands. It was like he was not only saying that he was here but he was showing… progress.