"Miss Rose, this bed is a safe place for you, you don't need to give me permission"
Suddenly she gave him three quick signs, and pressed her hand against the crystal once more and he felt the thrum of magic accept him into her safe space.
"What did she say?" He quickly asked Hermione, still shocked at the small girl's actions.
Hermione offered him a watery smile, as tears streaked down her face.
"You are safe"
You are safe.
You are safe.
The words kept running in circuits around his head, and he couldn't quite grasp them. Coming from the small girl, they seemed far too enormous for him to comprehend.
He'd apologised and said his good-nights, and fled the room as quickly as he could without upsetting the child.
Now he was sat on his bed, for his legs seemed uncooperative or had suddenly developed an inability to hold his weight.
His coat seemed heavy, as though it was weighing him down and his shirt was too tight.
Memories of his own childhood swam in his head. She was so trusting, had the tables been reversed and he been her age, he'd have been petrified, and would've latched onto the idea of a safe place like a lamprey. He probably wouldn't have allowed his mother to enter either.
She feels safe with me. I make her feel safe. I am safe.
As it was, he couldn't stop his limbs from shaking. He wanted to take off his coat, he felt light he couldn't breathe with it on, but his arms were too heavy to respond, and lay useless by his side. He could feel cold and clammy sweat on his skin.
So distracted was he, that he barely noticed Hermione enter the room.
"Severus?"
He didn't know if he answered her, or merely grunted, but something in his demeanour must have alerted her.
His head was suddenly pressed lower, towards his legs and he felt relief as his coat was peeled from him, followed by the top few buttons of his shirt being undone to allow cool air to hit his clammy skin.
She encouraged him to breathe, and that sounded like a splendid idea, so he commenced with doing just that, only now that he could actually get air his body seemed determined to take it in as quickly as possible, and he felt his heartbeat roaring in his ears.
Severus didn't know how long he sat there, hyperventilating and shaking like a leaf, until he started to pull away from the panic and towards this wonderful and unfamiliar warmth that surrounded him. As he became more cognisant he was aware of a pressure behind him, a solidity, and an arm wrapped around his waist that was preventing him from keeling forward from his seat on the edge of the bed, and landing face first on the floor. There was also a warm breath on the back of his neck, Hermione was hugging him with one arm around his waist, keeping him upright.
Her head was resting on the back of his neck, and he felt the soft puffs of her breath as she gently hummed and shushed him, her other hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. Her legs were spread wide, and from he seat behind his she had one either side of his own. There was slight motion to her as she held him tight, and he realised with a choked sob that she was rocking him, humming nonsensical words of affection and comfort.
"I'm here Severus love, it's alright, you're safe with me sweetheart, I've got you baby it's ok."
Love. Sweetheart. Baby. All these terms of endearment.
He'd never been any of those things to anyone, not even his own mother.
And as he felt the warmth and comfort that Hermione offered him freely and honestly...he broke.
"Safe?" He whispered, emotions overwhelming him, and then he was sobbing.
Sobbing like he hadn't done in years.
She pulled him back onto the bed and he held onto her tightly, head buried in her chest as she soothed and held him while he cried like a broken man.
God knows how long he was bawling on her, though he was grateful for her forethought to put up a silencing charm so he wouldn't upset Rose.
He must have cried for an hour, holding onto her tightly the entire time.
When his sobs finally abated, his eyes were swollen and his nose stuffy. He'd got tears and snot all over her shirt, but she didn't seem to care.
Quietly, he just laid with her, even after his tears were spent. He selfishly held onto her, basking in the warmth and affection that she freely offered him.
It took a while for him to gain the courage to look to her face, but when he did she just smiled sadly and placed a soft kiss on his heated and sweaty forehead and took his hand, leading him to the bathroom.
Following her silently without question,his hand in hers like a child, sitting on the toilet seat when she told him to.
He inhaled a shuddering breath, as she wet a washcloth and began to gently cleanse his face of tears and snot.
"T-there are spells for that" he said softly and quietly, his voice still thick from crying.
She tucked his hair gently and tenderly behind his ear, before she spoke.
"I'd prefer to care for you myself...but do you want me to use a spell?" He shook his head no, as he looked at her with wide eyes, almost childlike in their wonder.
She want's to care for me herself. She cares for me. She does.
He watched her with wide innocent eyes, and she smiled softly and sadly as she gently cleaned his face, with a tenderness born from her maternal nature.
It took him a long time to realise she was only using one hand, because he was still holding her other one in his own. He didn't let go though.
When his face was cleaned she cast a gentle cleansing charm over his body, then began to unbutton his shirt, and he made no move to stop her. Once it was unbuttoned all the way, she transfigured him a clean sleep shirt, and passed it to him.
"Ok sweetie, put this on and you need to get some sleep alright?"
He nodded at her, clutching the shirt in one hand, then frowning down at her other when he realised that he'd have to let go of her to change his shirt.
"I'm going to be right her love, it's alright" To emphasise she leaned back against the sink, and crossed her arms.
He nodded, still not quite with it, but trusting she would not abandon him. This new source of warmth and comfort that he was reluctant to ever again let go of.
Standing he took his old now sweaty shirt off, and put it on the floor, turning to her for approval.
Her eyes flicked from his body to her face, and there were tears in her eyes when she looked at him but she still smiled at him when she saw the openess of his expression as he waited for her confirmation.
She reached out and rubbed his arm soothingly.
"That's good baby, put the clean shirt on now ok?" He smiled, softly at her praise. He did good. and then did as she told him, putting the clean shirt on, turning to her once more for affirmation."Perfect honey" She smiled softly to him, eyes still watery. Then transfigured his trousers into sweats. "Now it's time for you to get some sleep Severus alright? Come on" She held out her hand and he took it, and she led him back to his room.
She sat him on the edge of the bed and then grabbed her hairbrush.
"Come here hun" She cast a quick cleansing spell, then began gently running it through his hair a few times, as it had become a bit of a mess with his crying.
When she began to brush his hair, the sound he made was like a wounded animal as he keened and fell forward and buried his face in her chest, wrapping his arms around her tightly holding on.
Hermione for her part was trying not to cry, and failing miserably.
As he held onto her, her heart broke for him. How bad did his childhood have to be, for him to be this touch starved for maternal care and affection? That the most basic and simple acts of soothing him when he was afraid, washing his face, changing his clothes and brushing his hair, made him weep for it.
She refused to give in to her own urge to cry, and instead held onto him and continued to brush his hair gently, for far longer than she needed to, as he keened and wept and held tightly onto her.
When a long time had passed, she grabbed one of her spare hair ties and pulled his hair back from his face and tied it.
He continued to look at her in wide eyed wonder.
"There now, no hiding that lovely face ok?" She smiled in encouragement, and he blushed. The sweet, darling man actually blushed, and nodded shly in confirmation.
"OK, it's been a long few days for all of us, so you get some sleep ok and we can talk more in the morning"
She urged him back into bed and went to leave, planning on setting something up on the sofa when his hand shot out and grabbed her.
"Stay...please?"
She would've said no, she felt like he was in too vulnerable a state of mind but it was the slight edge to his voice, that signalled the return of her Severus, that made her nod her head and climb in with him.
When she laid down he moved to hug her, and instead she pulled his head down to her, allowing him to use her chest as a pillow as she stroked his hair gently.
He let out a shuddering breath, and collapsed bonelessly against her, surrendering himself to her and she felt the dampness of a few fallen tears.
"I'm s-sorry Hermione...I-"
"Shhh, don't be sorry Severus, You've done such a good job of looking after me and Rose the past few days, I'm here for you love. Let me look after you now. we'll look after each other, you're safe with me"
She began to hum gently to him as she ran her hand through his hair, and rocked him slightly as she'd done before. He allowed himself to sleep. to trust her.
And he knew that when he awoke, for the first time ever, he would tell someone. He would tell her everything.
Because he was safe.