She began to hum gently to him as she ran her hand through his hair, and rocked him slightly as she'd done before. He allowed himself to sleep. to trust her.
And he knew that when he awoke, for the first time ever, he would tell someone. He would tell her everything.
Because he was safe.
When he awoke, he realised a few things.
He realised from the way her hand was gently running through his hair that had slipped from the tie, she was already awake, which was bizarre as it was always him to awake first.
The second thing he noticed was judging by the colour of the daylight streaming through the window, it was much later than he usually woke up, and well into the actual morning, and not his usual waking time of before daybreak.
Finally he realised with some shock that he was still pillowed on her soft chest, and even more shocking that from her relaxed position it seemed that she didn't mind.
A huge part of him was screaming to jump away from her, put his shields up and pretend none of the previous night ever happened.
However another part of him, that had been locked away for so many years, was basking in the warmth and comfort she was offering him, and entreated him to stay in her warm embrace for as long as she was willing to offer it, as it was highly unlikely to happen again.
With that in mind he shifted slightly so that she would not be able to feel the morning stirrings of his body, which had become a bit of a habit for him to have around her, and wrapped his arms around her a little tighter, holding her closer to him.
The hand stroking his hair paused for a second, then carried on as though nothing had changed. She spoke softly to him "Good Morning Severus".
And he answered softly "morning" and it was muffled into her chest.
He had prepared himself to tell her, decided that he was going to tell her...but had an irrational fear that she would ask him before he got the chance to tell her, and therefore throw him completely off balance if she pressured him for information. It would be well within her rights to ask the cause of his behaviour, especially after his actions last night. But bless her soul she didn't ask him, simply carried on stroking his hair and spoke softly to him as though he hadn't spectacularly fallen to bits in her arms the night before.
"I checked on Rose already with the monitoring charm, she's sound asleep. I'm so relieved, I hope this is a sign of things to come as she's always been a light sleeper until now, Thank You Severus."
He nodded to show that he'd heard her and understood, but he said nothing else, and she seemed in no rush to move.
When she began humming gently once more he shuddered and a few tears broke from his eyes, to wet her shirt.
"I suppose that you have...gathered why I...last night" He finally spoke, still not looking at her.
Her hands paused again for a second, before continuing through his hair.
"I have an idea" She said softly, without stopping her ministrations.
He nodded and said nothing, for all his plans he just couldn't find the words.
"Are you wanting to talk about it?" Her words were softly spoken, and there was no pressure or insistence to them, he instinctively knew that if he said no, she would accept that and never push him for more, it was just a simple question, do you want to?
"I have never talked about ...with anyone...but I want to...with you, I just don't know how"
She nodded at that, he felt the movement of it and her other hand came up to wrap around his shoulders slightly so that she was half hugging him.
"Do you want to tell me, or would you prefer if I ask you questions and you can answer the ones you want to?"
That sounded much easier to him, it was so familiar to have her asking him questions, much better than him volunteering to speak. He could do that. He wanted to do that.
"Ask" His words were quiet, but firm.
"If you change your mind, you have my permission to obliviate me if you decide that you don't want me to know anymore. It's entirely your choice Severus, I shan't push you for anything"
He nodded again, a feeling of relief, he could trust her...he knew he could. He repeated once more. "Ask"
"When you were talking to me about Ronald, you said "People like them are good about hiding what they are" not "People like him"...who was your "them" Severus?"
He tensed, expecting the question but not yet prepared for how to answer it, how to form the words.
He was silent for a moment, contemplating when he decided to just to hell with it, he could obliviate her if she couldn't handle it.
Bless her heart though, because thankfully she seemed to understand, and she spoke again.
"Was it your father?"
Pleased for the reprieve from speaking the words out loud, he nodded to her.
"He hurt you, like Ronald hurt Rosie?"
Again he nodded.
She sucked in a breath, and he closed his eyes. He thought she was repulsed and would push him away but instead she held him tighter. Her arms holding his head cradled to her breast, as though she could protect him from his past.
"Did he...was it worse than what Rosie went through?"
He could tell she was trying to find a diplomatic and non triggering way of wording that, and he was thankful for it. Though he knew he could not answer with a simple nod.
"Rose is perfect and beautiful and innocent, nothing that happened to me can be worse that hurting her, she didn't deserve-"
Hermione cut him off right there, going as far as to grab his chin and force him to look at her angry face
"Don't you dare Severus Snape!"
She must have seen his wide frightened eyes, because her gaze softened and became tearful and she gently cupped his face where she'd grabbed it.
"Don't belittle your own trauma. You are entitled to be mad, to grieve, to be afraid or hurt or upset, or any other emotion. You did not deserve any abuse that you received, do not think any less of yourself because of it, I know I don't think any less of you."
His eyes filled with tears, and he buried his face once more in her breasts so that she would not see it.
"Ok..." Her breath was shaky, as she fought to control her own emotions. "Do you want to keep going?"
He nodded and she once more brought her arms around him.
"Did it go further that what Ronald did?"
"Yes" His voice was shaky as he answered.
"How far?" Her voice was as warm and soft as the arms she had wrapped around him, and the chest he was buried in, and he felt protected by it.
"As far as it can go I suppose" Was the muffled reply.
"He raped you?" The words were soft and cautious, as though she was unsure she had the right to ask him. His hands squeezed around her in reassurance that yes, he trusted her, and she could speak freely to him.
"Y-yes" The word came out stuttered, and not as strong as he wanted it to. But it was the first time he'd ever admitted that, even to himself refusing to use that word and it threw him.
He felt some something break in him at saying the word, some weight off his shoulders even if his chest felt tight and his eyes itched with tears, and he found that he answered her questions more freely, almost trancelike.
"More than once?"
"Y-yes"
"How old were you, the first time?"
"I d-don't remember"
"Were you Rose's age?"
"Younger, maybe"
"How long did it go on for?"
"Years."
"When did it stop?"
"When I came of age"
When I became a death eater, when I could practice magic outside of school. Was the unsaid answer. She didn't push it any further.
"Did you ever get any help? Healing or therapy?"
"No...not directly"
She waited for him to embellish on that answer.
"When I was at St Mungos, after the war...doing diagnostics they found old healed injuries from...well from..."
She nodded to show that she understood.
"She assumed it was from being a death eater, I didn't correct her. She healed me as much as she could, then I obliviated her. That's also when I found out I can't have children, because of...repercussions of what he did...It seems I wasn't the only one he hurt."
She gave him a sad look, and stroked his face.
"But you're alright now? Physically?"
"I'm not contagious anymore if that's what you mean" He said with an embarrassed flush to his face.
"That's not what I meant, do you need any more healing? Do we need to get you to see a mediwitch or healer?"
"No... even magic has its limits and it's been too long since...it...happened, I am as healed as I can be"
"And your mother? Was she in the picture?"
"She was" He confirmed.
"Did she know? "
"Yes. She didn't care, looking back now I think she was willing to ignore it because whilever he was hurting me, he wasn't hurting her. She never wanted children, it was him that wanted a son, though he was furious when I turned out to be a 'freak' like my mother. He thought he could beat it out of me"
Her hands ghosted over his back unconsciously when he said that, where he was all too aware of the scars that lingered there as tears filled his eyes once more.
"I'm sorry Severus, for what you had to endure, for everything that they took from you" She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his forehead as the tears dripped from his face.
It was at that moment they quickly turned to the door when they heard a whimper, and saw the wide eyed form of Rose staring at the two adults entwined on the bed, eyes focused on Severus.